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Bollocks to Alton Towers: Uncommonly British Days Out
The British Lawnmower Museum, Keith Harding's World of Mechanical Music and Mad Jack's Sugar Loaf. In a world of theme parks, interactive exhibits, over-priced merchandise and queues, don't worry, these are names to stir the soul. Reassuring evidence that there's still somewhere to turn in search of the small, fascinating, unique and, dammit, British.In a stumbling journey across the country in search of the best we have to offer our intrepid heroes discovered dinosaurs in South London, a cold war castle in Essex, grown men pretending to be warships in Scarborough, unexplained tunnels under Liverpool and a terraced house in Bedford being kept warm for Jesus's return. And along the way they met the people behind them enthusiasts, eccentrics and, you know, those who just sort of fell into looking after a vast collection of gnomes ...Makes you proud!
388 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 26, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
April 8, 2020
the authors funny look at some of the unusual tourist attractions in the UK .
October 16, 2017
A fun book about great British days out...no wonder the English are thought to be eccentric!
This was a good mix for me of places I've been; Avebury Stone Circle & Peasholm Park Naval Warfare (though that was many many moons ago)
....places I keep meaning to go; Mother Shiptons Cave, especially as it's so near to home
...& places I have absolutely no intention of seeing...sorry, but the Apollo Pavilion looks hideous to me!
There's certainly quite a few places I'd make the effort to go see if I'm ever in the right area but The British Lawnmower Museum will not be one of them :o)
And here's my contribution to a great day out...The Montecute TV Radio & Toy Museum a fantastic display all jammed packed in a shed at the bottom of a garden...only in England.....
This was a good mix for me of places I've been; Avebury Stone Circle & Peasholm Park Naval Warfare (though that was many many moons ago)
....places I keep meaning to go; Mother Shiptons Cave, especially as it's so near to home
...& places I have absolutely no intention of seeing...sorry, but the Apollo Pavilion looks hideous to me!
There's certainly quite a few places I'd make the effort to go see if I'm ever in the right area but The British Lawnmower Museum will not be one of them :o)
And here's my contribution to a great day out...The Montecute TV Radio & Toy Museum a fantastic display all jammed packed in a shed at the bottom of a garden...only in England.....
September 11, 2015
I want to go to all these places, except maybe to the lawnmower museum (I might have to take my dad there). Some of them I have been to but not for long enough (Avebury); some I have been in the vicinity of without knowing about them (Liverpool tunnels, Edinburgh's South Bridge - though I did tour some stellar tunnels); some I knew about but have never been to (Portmeirion, Port Sunlight, Mother Shipton's Cave), and some I've never heard of but seem unmissable for a child of the Cold War such as myself (Kelvedon nuclear bunker, Orford Ness).
Shame everything is almost 20,000 kms away.
Shame everything is almost 20,000 kms away.
November 17, 2014
Light read, really funny, really informative. Not only about the lesser known 'tourist attractions' Britain has to offer, but also about the British themselves.
For example, there is apparently a lawnmower museum. This does not mean anything at all to me, since I live in a country where very few people mow their lawns and even less people have actual lawns. But apparently, this is actually a thing with a Past. How interesting.
For example, there is apparently a lawnmower museum. This does not mean anything at all to me, since I live in a country where very few people mow their lawns and even less people have actual lawns. But apparently, this is actually a thing with a Past. How interesting.
January 11, 2018
I was given this book as a Christmas present as I love days out and have a penchant for theme parks. my other half thought I would find this book amusing and an alternative to our normal days out. I really enjoyed this book and it has highlighted a few places that I would actually like to visit. unfortunately this book is 11 years old so I'm hoping that the majority of these places are still thriving. An interesting read
April 20, 2015
Aah, makes me proud to be British!
July 25, 2011
This book was exactly what I thought it was going to be, and not, at the same time.
I bought it in Tesco on holiday as I'd finished reading the books I took with me and can't be bothered with men's magazines these days. The title amused me and I assumed it would, basically, just be taking the piss out of crappy visitor attractions.
And it began by living up to my expectations. The first few chapters cover places like Black Gang Chine - an amusement park that relies on big models of stuff for people to climb on rather than big rides. Next comes Great Yarmouth Waxworks - everyone has received the powerpoint that got sent around on email a few years ago of this place and the chapter is a reminder of the rubbishness of the place.
Needless to say, after about 4 or 5 chapters of the odd wry smile and chuckle and thinking that somewhere must be crap, I was getting a little bored of the thing. However, I hate not to finish books I have started, and as I progressed, my opinion underwent a transformation. Each attraction started to look better and better and by the time I'd reached Porteath Bee Centre I was actually gutted that we'd been in Porteath a couple of years before and not visited it.
Whether this is deliberately crafted by the authors of not, I'm not sure but it changed from me laughing at the attractions to me actually really considering driving the kids down to Mother Shipton's Cave and Dripping Well sometime later that summer.
Before you rush out and by this book, however, please do note that I am the type of guy who took his entire family to a field full of corn plants on the basis that the attraction was called the 'Amazing Maize Maze' and their website was 'www.amazeingower.co.uk' which I thought was clever. It's a great couple of hours out though when you get there.
I bought it in Tesco on holiday as I'd finished reading the books I took with me and can't be bothered with men's magazines these days. The title amused me and I assumed it would, basically, just be taking the piss out of crappy visitor attractions.
And it began by living up to my expectations. The first few chapters cover places like Black Gang Chine - an amusement park that relies on big models of stuff for people to climb on rather than big rides. Next comes Great Yarmouth Waxworks - everyone has received the powerpoint that got sent around on email a few years ago of this place and the chapter is a reminder of the rubbishness of the place.
Needless to say, after about 4 or 5 chapters of the odd wry smile and chuckle and thinking that somewhere must be crap, I was getting a little bored of the thing. However, I hate not to finish books I have started, and as I progressed, my opinion underwent a transformation. Each attraction started to look better and better and by the time I'd reached Porteath Bee Centre I was actually gutted that we'd been in Porteath a couple of years before and not visited it.
Whether this is deliberately crafted by the authors of not, I'm not sure but it changed from me laughing at the attractions to me actually really considering driving the kids down to Mother Shipton's Cave and Dripping Well sometime later that summer.
Before you rush out and by this book, however, please do note that I am the type of guy who took his entire family to a field full of corn plants on the basis that the attraction was called the 'Amazing Maize Maze' and their website was 'www.amazeingower.co.uk' which I thought was clever. It's a great couple of hours out though when you get there.
January 4, 2017
This was a fortuitous gift as I happened to have read More Bollocks but not the original Bollocks. It would be interesting to see how many of the attractions have survived in the form enjoyed by the team, given the time since publication and their regretful revelations of how many closed down between their research and the book's completion.
It was a fine selection of the weird and the wonderful by the gang who have since come up with the wizard wheeze of parodying Ladybird and Enid Blyton books. I think the fact it *was* a whole gang of them detracted somewhat - there was no particular sense of them all going together, or of them being individual people. And that made some of the standard issue carping - elf and safety etc even more irritating. I had no sense they'd explored that one in any more depth - my own suspicion is that they should probably be pointing fingers at insurers. In other places, they are very much the critical friend - they make some excellent points about missed opportunities at the Crystal Palace dinosaur refurbishment of which they generally much approve (and which in the 60s was the first school trip I can remember, giving me that key nostalgia hit)
As a guide to 'British Days Out' it was probably rather skewed, not many natural experiences here although the David Beckham walking trail was a cracker. Unlike other 'travels around Britain' there's not all that much, kind or not, about encounters with the proprietors.
I have the impression that this was a book researched and written pretty quickly and it was read and enjoyed pretty quickly too.
It was a fine selection of the weird and the wonderful by the gang who have since come up with the wizard wheeze of parodying Ladybird and Enid Blyton books. I think the fact it *was* a whole gang of them detracted somewhat - there was no particular sense of them all going together, or of them being individual people. And that made some of the standard issue carping - elf and safety etc even more irritating. I had no sense they'd explored that one in any more depth - my own suspicion is that they should probably be pointing fingers at insurers. In other places, they are very much the critical friend - they make some excellent points about missed opportunities at the Crystal Palace dinosaur refurbishment of which they generally much approve (and which in the 60s was the first school trip I can remember, giving me that key nostalgia hit)
As a guide to 'British Days Out' it was probably rather skewed, not many natural experiences here although the David Beckham walking trail was a cracker. Unlike other 'travels around Britain' there's not all that much, kind or not, about encounters with the proprietors.
I have the impression that this was a book researched and written pretty quickly and it was read and enjoyed pretty quickly too.
January 14, 2014
This is an interesting and entertaining collection of the unusual and downright bizarre days out that are available in Britain. I've already visied a couple of the entries and, excepting the Eastenders set and David Beckham tour, would love to visit all of the others too. Here you will find cold war bunkers, model villages and gnomes with a political message. Nothing is too extravagent, nothing too showy but each and every day sounds like it would create interesting memories. The writing style is very similar to that of Bill Bryson, and the book does read like his Notes from a Small Island. I can't help thinking that he would approve of the days out suggested in this book.
June 6, 2011
I did like this book, it was very British. And very funny at times to. I enjoyed readed about some of the places to vist. Really would love to see Kelvedon's Nuclear Bunker, Mother Shipton's cave and Crystal Palace Dinosaurs(which I may well pop in to see next time I go to London). Some of the places I could have done without knowing about like the Eastenders set and the Beckham Trail. Do people actually really vist these places? I'd rather go to the Pencil Museum..... I think you'd be hard pushed to get this book if you don't understand British humour.
November 21, 2008
I absolutely loved these quick takes on all sorts of quirky places to visit in the UK. I gave this one to my Dad when I was finished as I was curious if he had ever been to any of them. Each place also has a photo taken by one of the many authors.
I actually have pictures taken of my brother and I in the dinosaur park and had no idea that almost of the dinosaurs depicted are wrong! A great conversation piece, as well as an entertaining read.
I actually have pictures taken of my brother and I in the dinosaur park and had no idea that almost of the dinosaurs depicted are wrong! A great conversation piece, as well as an entertaining read.
December 11, 2013
Ignore the title, which gives the impression it's going to be a tiresomely snarky and grumpy list of everything the authors hate. In fact it's a wonderfully enthusiastic and imaginative selection of idiosyncratic and peculiarly British tourist attractions, described with humour and affection and full of fascinating historical anecdotes.
I've already added several of these places to my list of things to do back in Blighty.
I've already added several of these places to my list of things to do back in Blighty.
September 11, 2007
Quirky, I understand there is a further book out now. On the basis of this we, having lived near Oxford for 20 years, 'discovered' the Pitt Rivers museum. Fantastic.
My only problem is that Diggerland sounds terribly appealing and I've only grown-up children and no grandchildren so I either will need to kidnap some or go with other older eccentrics, probably the latter.
My only problem is that Diggerland sounds terribly appealing and I've only grown-up children and no grandchildren so I either will need to kidnap some or go with other older eccentrics, probably the latter.
July 11, 2013
A, sometimes funny, insight into some of the more unusual days out. Some of the destinations sound better than others and there are a few completely random ones that seem a bit strange and not really worthy of a visit even if you have too much time on your hands.
June 27, 2013
A fantastically, enjoyable book. Nice light read, humorous and yet informative. The embodiment of what it is to be British and has uncovered a few hidden gems I can't wait too visit. Next weekend looks to be busy. :-)
January 30, 2011
Good book - really must vist the lawnmower museum! Have also got 'Far from the Sodding Crowd' - same idea with more great places to visit
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July 27, 2011Funny and entertaining while still being informative and educational. What more could you want? Maybe a few more pictures of the various places but that's just being picky. Worth a look!
January 31, 2012
I'm giving this full marks purely for the entertainment value. Lots of ideas for some pretty naff days out. Although, I have been to a couple of places mentioned lol!!
December 30, 2013
This should be the designated handbook of days out in Britain. It is well-written, extremely funny and quite informative! I'm making plans for visiting the featured destinations already.
March 23, 2014
Lovely funny little book to dip into. British pencil museum here I come!
April 6, 2024
As if the Twitter account Very British Problems were to write a tourist guide to the British isles. However, I did discover some interesting facts; one of which is that the last workhouse in the UK didn't shut until 1948. 1948! We were already 3 years into the Atlee socialist government by then. If asked, I would have said during the first world war. Another is that the reason sherry, port and Madeira are considered British drinks is because they were exported to the UK in lieu of French wine during the Napoleonic wars when vin français was interdit, and we got a taste for them.
The final fact was that the Christian seafarer Robert Fitzroy, who captained the Beagle to the Galapagos, founded the Met Office and had the UK shipping area of Finisterre named after him, was extremely depressed that his captaincy had led to Darwin’s Origin of the Species, proving that evolution and not God had created the earth, and he ended up some years later killing himself. A very British problem too many.
The final fact was that the Christian seafarer Robert Fitzroy, who captained the Beagle to the Galapagos, founded the Met Office and had the UK shipping area of Finisterre named after him, was extremely depressed that his captaincy had led to Darwin’s Origin of the Species, proving that evolution and not God had created the earth, and he ended up some years later killing himself. A very British problem too many.
November 24, 2021
You have to be the sort of person who is nosey and likes to travel to things a bit unusual for this. It is a good read of the odd places we have in this country plus it's a good guide if you are thinking of going to them. I have only been to five or six places in here, some places I wouldn't go anywhere near and a few I want to see now, some places have names that sound grand but they aren't, the apollo pavilion in Durham sounds great but it's not the type of pavilion I imagined, having said that I still want to go to stand on it.
October 24, 2022
Such a fun book, at least if you're fascinated by British eccentrics over the decades and the things they have done. Reading this in 2022, I fully expected that many, maybe even most, of these quirky establishments would be gone by now, but I ended up googling each and every one of them (part of the fun 0f this book!), and, astonishingly, all but 3 or 4 of them are still around.
Lots of British cultural references that most of us in the US won't "get", but for me that didn't detract at all from the fun of this book.
Lots of British cultural references that most of us in the US won't "get", but for me that didn't detract at all from the fun of this book.
February 20, 2019
I started to read this but decided it was quite pointless to read a tour guide that was so dated 😂 I don’t think many of these destinations still exist and would prefer to spend my time reading something else.
October 31, 2025
A decidedly British celebration of Britishness, this book highlights the weird and wonderful attractions, sights and places to visit. Written with a humour and genuine fondness for them it brings out it is a true feeling of patriotism in a time of such toxic nationalism.
October 4, 2020
Just fabulous
June 18, 2024
Gives a voice to the small attractions that get overlooked for the big guys.a couple I'd heard of many I hadn't. Interesting in a quirky way
February 17, 2025
Travelogue of weird UK museums - quite amusing but non Brits probably wouldn't get the humour!
January 28, 2008
A light read about humorous, yet obscure places in Britain...very funny in a British way.
September 6, 2009
Great fun to dip into for an amusing read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews