Your Body Belongs to You

by Cornelia Maude Spelman, Teri Weidner (Illustrator)

In simple, reassuring language, therapist Cornelia Spelman explains that a child's body is his or her own; that it is all right for children to decline a friendly hug or kiss, even from someone they love; and that "even if you don't want a hug or kiss right now, you can still be friends." She goes on to define private parts and stresses that "it's important to tell if someone tries to touch your private parts."

Genres: Picture Books, Childrens, Parenting, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Education, Health

24 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Cornelia Maude Spelman, MSW, is a writer, artist, and former therapist. Her “The Way I Feel” picture books for children have sold over four million copies and been translated into eleven languages. Her new book A FOOT IS NOT A FISH! helps parents have fun while showing their children that it is not hard to see what is true and what is not, using absurd comparisons that will amuse every child—and parent.


SOLACE, a memoir, is about marriage, mothering, addiction, grief and friendship, and how listening can heal. Oo

Reviews

[Brandielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Liked the concept. Hate when books about the human body don't include correct terms. I'll never understand why some people think not naming something is necessary for little kids.

[Caralee · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book for preschoolers to introduce them to the idea that they are in control of the body and they have the right to say that they don't want to be touched, hugged, or kissed. It also sensitively tells children that there are some places that nobody should touch and if someone does, they should tell someone. I only gave it three stars because although it is a good introductory book for younger children, the language used was laughable and felt very stilted and formal for anybody over four years old.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was pretty good on the topic of good touch/bad touch. It actually went to a place that I wish more children's books went, which is that kids have the right to say "no"- even to grandma's kiss or your cousin's tickling. It may not be a "bad touch," but if it's unwanted, children don't need to put up with it. The note to parents said it best- "when children indicate that they don't want to be hugged or kissed, we need to respect their reactions. In this way, they learn that being touched is their own choice, not another's; that their bodies 'belong to them.'"

The illustrations are a bit dated, but if you read this one to a young enough kid, they may not have formed prejudice against that, yet.

[Katelyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good starter book for teaching toddlers about appropriate and inappropriate touch.

[Brittaney Ellis]

Text-to-world

I am going to do a text-to-world connection, however, the way I connect this story may be a little different. This book would be classified as controversial. Many parents, teachers, and adults in general believe that these topics shouldn't be talked about in early learning facilities. I will say that I didn't expect for this book to discuss inappropriate touching and I love the way that the author put it in the story. She went from it being a childrens right to reject hugs and kisses sometimes to being touched in "private areas" by anyone besides the doctor or parents. I would definitely read this book to my daughter because for me, it's a conversation that can not be ignored. Although my daughter is only three, I do not mind introducing to her that her body belongs to her and only her and that she is entitled to wanting to be left alone or untouched. I am an open minded parent and I believe that the body and it's functions are not a secret, more so private. I also accept the ideas and opinions of parents and adults that disagree.

[Remi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The message given at the beginning of the book by the author speaks volumes about enabling children to trust what they think and feel.

Physical and sexual abuse among children is not something that is commonly acknowledged or talked about. That is why this book is fantastic, building skills from an early age about trusting your gut feeling if something is not right. It perpetuates an ideology that goes contrary to social conditioning of young children, especially young women to question parents and people in positions of authority when something feels wrong.

The book encourages open discourse between parent and child and fosters an open relationship where a child can feel comfortable about talking about discomforting situations and feelings. The relationship that the book clearly advocates for is one where the child can seek safety and reassurance from the parent and should never feel shame in consulting their advice.

Loved the book.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells kids that they can say no to unwanted kisses or hugs by saying " No, not right now, please.". Then it says that people (except a doctor and so forth) can not touch their private parts.

Two things I did not like: Saying "Not right now" is a little wishy-washy. "No, I do not want a kiss" is better for kids to say.

Second, the book does not make a clear distinction between a grandpa who wants a hug and a grandpa who touches private parts. The two types of touching are TOTALLY different.

[Mobley-Carter Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book holds twelve sheets and twenty-four pages. The main characters in this story are children, parents, doctor's, and other trusted adults. The story takes place outside, during the day, in the grocery store, and in the doctor's office. The story shows children how to discuss their feelings if someone is touching them in an inappropriate way. Spelman encourages children to use their words and gestures to indicate when they like to be touched and when they don't like to be touched.

Have a word wall, vocabulary words about body parts, discussion questions, and a body part craft. Discussion questions could be: If I were private parts, where would I be? What parts of the body does a bathing suit cover? Is it okay if you don't like to be touched sometimes? What would you say if you did not want to be touched?

[Read3r’z Re-Vu · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars and highly recommended for children aged 2 years and up

A gentle and empowering read about touch.

I found this book on a parenting website recommending this to children from ages 2 years and up. I really enjoyed how this book illustrated lots of love and affection while slightly making it clear that it’s always OK to say “NO” when you do not feel comfortable with being touch – even if it’s just saying no to an unwanted hug.

Written positively and structured in a simple yet reassuring way with wonderful illustrations, I found it caught the eye of my toddler and I highly recommend this to all parents to read to their children.

- Crystal

[دعاء الدريس · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب بسيط يعلم الطفل كيف يحافظ على جسده وخصوصيته

تنبيه: في صفحة واحدة من الكتاب توجد رسوم لجسم عاري للبنت والولد دون تفاصيل دقيقة، ابحث عن الصورة في الانترنت قبل شراءه حتى تكون على علم بالمحتوى، اقرأه بمفردك أولا، توقع أسئلة أطفالك وحاول أن تجهز إجابة تناسب أعمارهم
ثقف نفسك عن التربية الجنسية وتعلم مايجب أن تقدم لأطفالك من معلومات في كل مرحلة وعمر
حتى لا تجدهم فجأة وصلوا لمرحلة المراهقة ولا تعلم من أين تبدأ
أنصح بدورة التربية الجنسية اونلاين للدكتورة هبة حريري: انستقرام @hebajhariri

[Make Your Move! Missoula · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great bodily autonomy book for toddlers. Would highly recommend! It teaches children to say yes or no to physical touch. It reminds readers that saying "no" is okay, and that you can still like a person and not want to hug or kiss them.

We wish it showed kids/caregivers asking for touch. Otherwise, a great book all around!

[Rameya · Rating 3 out of 5]

A simple intro to consent for Pre-K and kindergarten kids.

[Bianca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good introductory resource to protective behaviours but I didn’t like the ending

[Adrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book simplifying keeping private parts private.

[Aneesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent teaching book. I only had to change one word (bathing suit to underwear - her bathing suit has very long sleeves).

[Joud Algorain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like this book so you can know which part are your private parts because it is really naughty to show anyone our private parts.

[Maki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another good book that explains boundaries for kids.

[zack · Rating 3 out of 5]

Your body belongs to you! When you don't want a hug or kiss, it's okay to say, "No, not right now, please!"

An important subject that was handled quite well.

[Plsschoolcounselor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential to have on hand in your counseling library. Don’t use all the time but good when you need it.

[Melanie Hetrick · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book for children about body autonomy and setting boundaries.

[Addie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty basic & stuff we already talk about and practice (not hugging when you don't want to), but my 3 year old liked it. Book was given to us to read...

[Haylee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Decent in introducing good touch/bad touch.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book for my four year old recently and it was exactly what I was looking for. It explains that private parts are private and that they should never be touched by others accept during a checkup with the doctor or by parents while helping the child wash themselves. It also explains that children have a right to say no to a hug or other touching even from the people they love most, like their parents, and that it does not hurt their parents' feelings. I think it is important for children to be empowered in this way because it gives them the building blocks for setting boundaries and teaching them that they have complete control over their own body and no one, even adults, do not have a right to force them to comply with unwanted physical contact.

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Focusing on agency and choice - "most of the time... it feels good to get a hug. [But] sometimes you don't want a hug or kiss, even from someone you love," this book teaches kids that they are the ones who control access to their own body.

I find this preferable to the books that zero in on 'if somebody touches you DOWN THERE, run away and tell a grownup.' Which certainly, that's the right response - but when a kid is given authority to say "no" - to say "I don't feel like kissing Grandma today" - there's a greater chance that he or she will be able to stand up for themselves and get help when truly awful physical overtures are made.

[Katherine Salinas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt overwhelmed initiating this conversation with my child, so like a good reader, I turned to books to help. This book was just ok. I liked a couple of the tools (i.e. it's ok to say you don't want to give someone a hug or kiss, even if you know and love them and no one should touch your private parts) but the text was awkward. It is age appropriate for ages 2-5 but even then it felt clunky. Illustrations were ok, though I feel like illustrations should be the focus since that is what the kids will be focusing on when you read this with them.

[Kirsti · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like this book for the simple, straightforward, non-threatening way it talks about private parts and my son's right to be assertive when he doesn't want to be touched: it's a good, age-appropriate introduction to an important subject. I'll want something more detailed in a couple of years, but for now this works well.

[Crystal Oros · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gentle and empowering read about touch, I found this book on a parenting website recommending this read for children ages 2 and up.

I really enjoyed how this book illustrated lots of love and affection while slightly making it clear that it's always ok to say no when you don't feel comfortable with being touched... even if it's just an unwanted hug.

[Dave Lester · Rating 2 out of 5]

The artwork is boring and the story is nothing special but the strength of this book is the theme. This book teaches children about private parts and that their body is their own. It introduces the idea that people can inappropriately touch children and the importance of being able to talk to mom and/or dad about this crucial issue.

[Christine Turner]

2nd Choice for ata storytime kit -- you -- Safety

In simple, reassuring language, the author explains that a child's body is his or her own; that it is all right for kids to decline a friendly hug or kiss, even from someone they love; and that you can still be friends even if you don't want a hug now.

Subject: Children and strangers -- Juvenile literature

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a great book for chilren of any age. It helps them understand their body belongs to them and that other people should respect that and then what to do if others don't. It doesn't go into too much detail, so it's great for small children