The Strong, Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man

by Ted Zeff

Does your son tend to be disturbed by loud noises, violence, and crowds, fearful of new situations, easily hurt by criticism, or hesitant about playing aggressive games?

Your son may be one of the 20 percent of all boys with a finely tuned nervous system. Our sensitive boys tend to be creative, kind, and gentle, appreciating beauty and feeling love deeply. Therefore, it's particularly challenging for sensitive boys to grow up in a culture where boys are taught to act tough, aggressive, and unemotional.

In this groundbreaking book, psychologist Ted Zeff explores the unique challenges of sensitive boys, showing parents, educators, and mentors how to help sensitive boys grow into strong, happy, and confident men. Dr. Zeff offers practical advice on how to help your son increase his self-esteem and thrive in the family, at school, with friends, and in sports.

From the

This book is also important for sensitive men to read to help them heal their childhood wounds, learn how to navigate through our aggressive, overstimulating world, and accept themselves as sensitive men. This book is helpful for sensitive women since how society treats sensitive men deeply affects highly sensitive women--and all women close to sensitive males.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Health, Childrens

176 pages, Paperback

First published May 3, 2010

Reviews

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

20% of all males are found to have a "finely tuned" nervous system, making them Highly Sensitive Boys/Men.

"The more awareness you can spread about this trait, the more you will have helped your son and society."

My son is a sensitive boy, showing superior intuition, compassion, kindness, and a naturally gentle spirit. I was pleasantly surprised to discover I am already actively engaging in most of the practical parenting advice offered in this book. I only hope I can recall the recommendation of the author to "remain grounded in the love and devotion" I have for my son and raise him to value his uniquely admirable qualities rather than suppress emotions that an overly aggressive and insensitive western society sees as a shameful betrayal of masculinity.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I'm not really into self-help books, is there anything wrong with getting parenting advise from them? ;-)
This book gives me a big pat on the back for the way I choose to raise my son.

[Zandree · Rating 5 out of 5]

SOOO good! I think this is the best, most healthy treatment of both extremes of the sensitivity spectrum. The book totally redefined my understanding of Sensory Integration Disorder. If you are a sensitive male or are raising a boy (sensitive or not), this is a must-read.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for my personal development in hopes that it would help explain some of my six year old's behavior. It's nice to get reassurance that he's perfectly "normal" and there are many other boys out there that are just like him. The author comes from the standpoint of; 20% of the population is especially sensitive and it evenly split between boys and girls. Society though, in the United States anyway, is NOT geared to supporting the sensitive boy, in fact, the sensitive boy's self esteem usually suffers due to so much of the media and society encouraging boys to be rough, aggressive and emotionless. Whereas the sensitive boy does not like violence, noise, roughness and he feels deeply. The author provides practical ways to help the sensitive boy and what to be on the the look out for. I found the book to be useful, and one I will likely refer back to over the years.

[Aliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offered a lot of ideas that had been unknown to be before. Not only were there many stages of a child's life that the author reviewed, but he also addressed misconceptions throughout a boy's life that children might run into and offered possible actions to cope with each stage. In addition, there were responses in the back from HSP as well as insights offered by other psychologists. I've already lent this book out and have promised others they can borrow it.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great eye opener about the impact on boys of being highly sensitive. Other books I have read are about children in general and as a mother of 3 boys this gave me a good insight into challenges facing boys who are more gentle in nature than their counterparts. An interesting read with a great section on schooling and team sports.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Broaches a delicate subject thoughtfully and compassionately

As someone who would most likely be diagnosed as a HSM, this was an affirming and supportive read. A lot of the advice and guidance at the end of the book feels like it would be beneficial in general, so it’s the material on what an HSB is and how he functions that is really useful for this particular topic.

[Lynde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good but as another reviewer commented, you are probably doing most of these things if you are reading the book. I love that Zeff quotes Gurian, my "go-to" on rearing boys. However, I did notice so much of this research is outdated. Not sure what is coming out of the Gurian camp these days, but would love some updated research. I wish I could have certain people in my sons' lives read this in order to support them better, esp. in sports. I found a number of interview statistics interesting and surprising. For example, HSMs have a general aversion to violence are very concerned for the well-being of animals, but also enjoy hunting. There you go.

[Michael Reist · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man up. Be tough. Don't cry. Emotional repression is one of the biggest problems facing men today. This book is essential reading for parents of highly sensitive boys. It is also a must read for highly sensitive men. Elaine Aron introduced the topic of high sensitivity with her book "The Highly Sensitive Person." Ted Zeff zeros in on the particular ways high sensitivity is experienced by males and the issues it raises in men's lives.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fills an important niche. My parenting instincts have been well tuned to my sensitive son, but not everyone's is, especially in such a sexist culture. All male children are not "all boy," nor should they be. This also gave me additional strategies that work with my son's learning style to better help me support him in school.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love the idea that we are starting to recognize that not all boys are the same. My three boys are very sensitive, and have had a difficult time making their way in the world. My problem with this book started when he got into the "save the planet" stuff. So tired of all of that.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I didn't find the book ground breaking, I did appreciate the acknowledgement that not all boys are the same. My son is not a "HSB", but he does have some of the sensitive traits. The discipline and sports sections were relevant to where we are right now and I found them the most helpful.

[Alexa Clay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good evidence-based information and guidance on raising boys who may be more sensitive than their peers. It brings to light the stereotypes and pressure that men and boys have to face, particularly in American culture.

[Raelene · Rating 4 out of 5]

A reassuring read - lots as a parent of a sensitive boy and partner of a sensitive man I innately knew but it's nice to have it laid bare in front of you. I imagine I'll refer back to this on occasion.

[Michele · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reinforced concepts. Overall, I need to appreciate my son for who he is :)

[Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is essential for parents of highly sensitive boys. It's been wonderful for me to read it to understand myself as a man who was once a highly sensitive boy and still has highly sensitive boys as inner children. I've only dropped a star due to heteronormative assumptions throughout the book. There are a couple points where there is some allyship but heterosexual assumptions are very much the norm in the book. The book is a product of its time in this way and a new addition I think is in order to correct this. A section dealing with highly sensitive trans boys would make for fascinating additions that I'm sure some populations would find very helpful.

[Gretchen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Although I didnt really learn much that I didnt already know, it helped me see that I'm on the right path and confirmed some theories I had. I had mixed feelings about some of the advice about talking with teachers and other adults that influence your child, but I get the intent and agree that as a parent our job is to be our child's advocate. Although there were no revelations per se, I'm really glad I read this one since its given me a more concrete plan for helping my son with his challenges in moving forward and changing my own mindset.

[Janice Forbes · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I first started reading this book, I wondered if the author's first language was other than English. The language seemed contrived. I found it didn't flow. I'm not entirely convinced of the need to single out highly sensitive boys for special treatment. I found myself asking, wouldn't one treat any child this way. I felt many of the childhood experiences recounted were very like my own, and I'm a female. I felt mostly misunderstood at school, by insensitive teachers, who assumed that I was stupid, because I was quiet and hesitant. It seems to me that not only HSBs suffer in this way. Still, if you are interested in this topic, it is worth reading, especially about the father's role, and for practical advice on what parents can do to help their son.

[trijnewijn · Rating 3 out of 5]

8 jaar geleden op mijn leeslijst gezet, maar intussen al zoveel gelezen en bijgeleerd dat het voor mij geen echt nieuwe informatie meer bevatte. Nuttig als eerste kennismaking met onderwerpen zoals gevoeligheid en de gevolgen van het patriarchaat op mannen.

Het centrale onderzoek op 30 mensen leidde in mijn ogen tot te veel conclusies over verschillende culturen, op basis van een handvol getuigenissen impliceren hoe de cultuur van een volledig continent is voelt gewoon urgh.

[Vince · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book gave me a lot of insight into what is most important for an HSB growing. The book helped me redefining some important moments in my youth and helped me defining and accepting myself as an HSM.

A must-read for any parent, coach, teacher or adult who want to better understand and help the high sensitive boy or man around them.

[Corinne Yee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd say it is a good book for basic understanding of the subject. However, the research for this book included interviews with onky 30 highly sensitive males, which is scientifically a very low number from which to generalize too much. I'd like to see information gathered from 1000 or more HSMs to see if that changes the percentages and generalizations made in this book.

[Mary Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book helpful in giving me insight and words to help my son understand his sensitive nature. I’ve actually seen a lot of growth in him as he’s become more aware of how his sensitivity is a strength, why that makes certain types of relationships more challenging, and how to give himself permission to be ok with the wonderful way he was made.

[Stephanie Fleming · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book ended up being quite repetitive. However the tips were a good reminder to love your child for who they are and to support them where they are at. It emphasized the importance of family support, good mentors, and of team sports/good friendships in particular for these sensitive kids to avoid bully and grow into well-rounded, happy adults.

[Shauna Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book annoyed me on many levels. I kept waiting for a nugget of information that wasn’t completely obvious, but never found it. It also felt strongly injected with a healthy dose of opinion, too. Not that I always disagreed, but it was too overt. Not helpful to me.

[fhsjkdhvkf · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok, and I will keep a few ideas, but I was annoyed at the labelling/identity focus and at the way it felt like it was saying “actually, it’s the nonsensitive men and their culture who are problematic”. That’s how I received it, at least.

[Christina Causey · Rating 4 out of 5]

great insight

[Alex · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting premise, but the book devolved into anecdotes with little real evidence to support some of the claims.

[Jen]

This book felt super outdated, like it was written decades ago. Still has some helpful tips, though.

[Luisa Millan]

I started reading and reached half way through but did not enjoy it.

[Dana La · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very useful and informative book. Important topic, but the information can be packed in article and not book. Felt my time was consumed inadequately. But still it was worth of listening to.