The Joy of Sex

by Alex Comfort

An international bestseller since it was first published in 1972, this updated edition brings this imaginative, uninhibited guide to lovemaking and sex to a whole new generation. It has been revised in such a way to retain Dr Comfort's original, revelatory advice while making it appropriate for the 21st century.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality, Self Help, Relationships, Reference, Psychology, Erotica

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1972

About the author

Alexander Comfort, M.D., Ph.D. (10 February 1920 – 26 March 2000) was a medical professional, gerontologist, anarchist, pacifist, conscientious objector and writer, best known for The Joy of Sex, which played a part in what is often called the sexual revolution. He was also the author of many other books on a variety of topics.

Reviews

[Henry Manampiring · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book THREE times as gifts. Do I look like complete sex-idiot?

[Malbadeen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this too young and I particularly remember a part that talked about not wearing spiked boots during sex, because while it may be a visual turn on it can cause some unintended physical pain in the long run. I felt it was a good point and made a note to my prepubescent self to not have sex while wearing spiky boots.

[Henry Le Nav · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finally got around to reading this book, which has been a strange oversight on my part due to my interest and love for the subject. I really enjoyed this book and I must caution that my rating is based more on my enjoyment of it rather than the value of the content. I think some modern readers may find the book a bit too fuddy duddy, too heteronormative, too monogamous, too vanilla, too romantic, too quaint and sentimental, and perhaps even a bit too love oriented, all things that I love because I am a 68 year old heteronormative, monogamous, vanilla, romantic, old fuddy duddy who is too quaint and too sentimental, and very much in love with the woman that I make love to, my wife of 40 years.

This is not a beginner’s guide, it is billed as “gourmet love making.” As such the book assumes the reader or preferably readers are experienced with sex and are in a committed loving relationship:

“ we take some things for granted – having intercourse naked and spending time over it; being able and willing to make it last, up to a whole afternoon on occasion; having privacy; not being scared of things like genital kisses; not being obsessed with one sexual trick to the exclusion of all others; and, of course, loving each other. As the title implies, this book is about love as well as sex: you don’t get high-quality sex on any other basis – either you love each other before you come to want it, or, if you happen to get it, you love each other because of it, or both.”

Comfort, Alex. The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition (Kindle Locations 244-249). Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.

For those who may be concerned with love or “the feelings” as they seem to be called these days, the book does not dwell excessively on love but it is mentioned in first, and last chapters, and a three page chapter titled Love. One thing I was pleased with was that the parallels to a cook book were rather minimal. It didn’t get overly cute with cook book analogies.

The other thing that should be noted is that this edition was revised in 2008 by Susan Quilliam. As such it has been updated so the book recognizes that the Internet exists and has had some of the more recent research applied to the techniques, but the book is not going to give you tips on how to use Tindr or other dating sites nor is it going to explain the latest trends in the statistics on sexual demographics. One is not overwhelmed in modernity. Other than a few technological and cultural mentions, this book would still fly back in 1972.

There are no plumbing diagrams or descriptions on how the plumbing works. You are supposed to know all that and basically have experience with sex. The original drawings of the hirsute 70’s couple (based on a real couple) have been replaced (some, but not I, would say to its detriment) with tasteful color and sepia photos of an average attractive young couple in various states of undress and embrace. The explicit illustrations are water color paintings of what appears to be the same couple. All the illustrations are in good taste and get across the point without wallowing in it. The couple seems to demonstrate intimacy, tenderness, and indeed joy instead of lust.

The ideas presented in this book are for the most part just that, idea suggestions giving a framework for an activity rather than a detailed set of instructions…“put this here for three counts and stroke that for seven seconds” type of thing. The reader uses their own imagination to build an activity on the framework. Entries are relatively short, some only a page long. Cautions are provided where appropriate but for the most part the book relies on the couple having experience and common sense.

The book is not hierarchical. You don’t have to read chapter one before you read chapter two. Actually the chapters are not numbered, and they are really not chapters but rather I suppose the sexual equivalent to recipes. To me they were more like articles or encyclopedia entries…although not to imply they are boring. Again the book relies on the reader’s experience. For the most part you can read any section you wish in any order and have no difficulty understanding the concept. There are some articles that some readers may find kinky or well beyond things that they want to try. No big deal, just don't read those sections. It won't affect the rest of the book. Where appropriate, the book (Kindle edition) has hot links contained in the text that will take one to other articles of similar interest. The book has a hot linked index and a section listing resources.

The book had a section on tenderness. I have never seen that in a sexual book before. I found the section intriguing:

Tenderness is shown fully in the way you touch each other. What it implies at root is a constant awareness of what your partner is feeling, plus the knowledge of how to heighten that feeling, gently, toughly, slowly, or fast, and this can only come from an inner state of mind between the two of you. No really tender person can simply turn over and go to sleep afterwards.

Comfort, Alex. The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition (Kindle Locations 335-338). Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.

Of course, I have seen this concept before perhaps not stated as succinctly, but I have never seen it labeled tenderness. But I also found the section in want. It sort of teased me with the concept of tenderness but didn’t satisfy me. There is this feeling I get for my wife often during or after love making, but other times too, where I feel this tingling in the center of my chest. It is a craving for union, a desire to engulf her and be engulfed by her, extreme affection for her. It is an overwhelming lust of my heart to become one with her. Tenderness seems like a good word this feeling.

Another concept I liked in this book was that sex is a form of play:

It is only recently, as ethology has replaced psychoanalytic theory, that counselors have come to realize that sex, besides being a serious interpersonal matter, is a deeply rewarding form of play.... One of the most important uses of play is in expressing a healthy awareness of sexual equality. This involves letting both sexes take turns in controlling the game; sex is no longer what men do to women and women are supposed to enjoy. Sexual interaction is sometimes a loving fusion, sometimes a situation where each is a “sex object” – maturity in sexual relationships involves balancing, rather than denying, the personal and impersonal aspects of arousal. Both are essential and built-in to humans. For anyone who is short on either of these elements, play is the way to learn: men learn to stop domineering and trying to perform; women discover that they can take control in the give-and-take of the game rather than by nay-saying. If they achieve this, Man and Woman are one another’s best friends in the very sparks they strike from one another.

Comfort, Alex. The Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition (Kindle Locations 136-145). Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.

More than anything else though what I liked about this book and especially having it in a Kindle version is that it inspired a lot of fond memories for things that my wife and I have tried and sometimes failed at during our love life of the past 42 years. I highlighted many passages and wrote many steamy and loving recollections and of some of the awkward foibles in the form of Kindle notes that are now embedded in my copy of the book. I could have never done that with a paper copy. All in all I had a wonderful time reading and writing notes in this book. In some ways I have personalized the book in such a way that it is now almost a private journal. I really regret that I had never read it sooner.

[Beth F · Rating 5 out of 5]

--When I was 15 and found this book hidden in the basement, I read it and it gave me quite a thrill.
--The 70's version is awesome and disgusting and awesome, awesome, awesome!
--The hairy man beast who was prominently featured in the original version of this book may be entirely to blame for my disgust of facial hair (thank goodness my husband shaves daily!)
--I’ve never seen the new version with the modern couple and don't care to. It would totally ruin the magic.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here is a joke based on this book.

(You have some visible injury - cast, eye patch, bandage, etc.)
Person A: "What happened?"
You: "You know the book the Joy of Sex? There is a typo on page 137."

[Tassa DeSalada · Rating 5 out of 5]

Your sex life will explode after reading this book.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I can see how this book might have caused a stir back in 1972, to my modern eyes it seems hopelessly dated and rather dull. Most of the information in the book is of a very basic, nuts-and-bolts kind that most modern readers will already be aware of. It is written in a quite matter-of-fact and unsexy (and at times inappropriately humorous) style which I did not much care for.

The frequent use of terms like "squares" and "straights" and other 60s/70s slang date the book considerably, as do some of the attitudes and opinions expressed. I was a little shocked to find the main piece of advice to women in the section entitled "Rape" was simply "Don't get yourself raped".

I felt that Dr Comfort often let his own opinions and sexual preferences show through too much. He for example seems to express the view that people who don't enjoy the idea of a bit of bondage are "over-gentle" prudes, but when it comes to anal sex "doubt[s] if it's worth doing more than out of satisfying curiosity". I also found the book to be somewhat biased towards the male sexual point of view.

Overall, I didn't find "The Joy of Sex" to be very exciting or enlightening as a sex manual but I did find it somewhat interesting as a sort of historical item. The best part of the book, in my opinion, is the tasteful illustrations of a joyfully copulating hippie couple.

[Nilchance · Rating 1 out of 5]

Heterosexist, all Caucasian illustrations, and a bonus dose of fat-phobia. Good times.

[Kaethe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read sometime in high school? Mostly at other people's houses while babysitting? That's the best I remember.

[Ellee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, ok, I know... Everybody's heard about it. I figured I'd read it to see if this book by Alex Comfort was in reality what I expected it to be. If all you expect upon opening this book is a racy book full of exotic photos, you'll be surprised. The Joy of Sex is actually very down-to-earth and not really at all titillating (pardon the pun). It's almost like a Chilton's guide to heterosexual sex. That being said, this book is most likely to be of help to relatively inexperienced couples, but even those of us who have been around the block a time or two will probably find out something previously unknown.

Comfort's direct writing style and factual information will likely irritate those readers who picked up the book thinking it'd be a quick thrill. However, for those readers interested in improving their lives in the bedroom, it's worth at least a skim-through.

Highly recommended for the relatively inexperienced couple. Recommended for all others.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

I debated on whether or not to record this as something I have read, but I have decided to go for it.

I should start by saying, that what drew me to this book wasn't it's content, but more of the cultural and historical significance of the text. While not something that people talk much about, "The Joy of Sex" is a book that, while I might not say changed the world, it certainly had its impact.


It was a national best seller for many weeks. Couples, perhaps intrigued by the taboo nature of the text, guided by controvery based curiosity, people were buying the book. Younger generations, the children of the 70s and 80s later stumbled on dusty, hidden copies of the book. It left a mark, as mention of it appears in essays, in books, journal entries, films and memories.


What people most commonly remember and refer to when reflecting on the book, was the illustrations. Pen and ink images of people acting out the poses and positions from the book itself. It was noted for its display of people who looked like fairly normal people. Somewhat hirsuit, but normal people.

Anyhow, it was cheap for the Kindle, I wouldn't have to worry about Milo stumbling across it in a pile of old books when he was older, so I gave it a shot.

The version I read was "updated" fairly recently. The original illustrations have been replaced and updated with tasteful photographs and illustrations.

So how was it?

It's a quick read, and it isn't too bad. The central premise is that sexual activity is a means for adults to 'play' and the book provides insight on how to maximize said 'playtime' in safe and meaningful ways. While, by definition, it is pretty explicit, it is pretty straight forward and tame compared to some of the twisted things people are doing out there.

That being said, it comes across as a bit dated. It seems as if the updates and revisions to the text are, most likely, limited to only the most essential things (references to modern birth control, and updating references to dated sexual politics). It makes use of a variety of french terms that modern language has updated elsewhere.

Who should read this book?
Honestly, I don't know. There are plenty of other books out there (evidently the most recommended is the encyclopedic "Guide to Getting it On") so it isn't like this book is the exclusive carrier of forbidden knowledge.

I suppose, if you're curious or looking to improve personal performance, this book is a pretty safe way to do it. It's positive, supportive, and it doesn't really go too far out into left field. It's the sort of thing you could read together with minimal awkwardness.

But overall, there are probably better resources out there for modern readers. The reason this book has survived so long, is most likely more connected with nostaligia and cultural significance than anything else.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second book about sex that I have read; the first being "She Comes First". Overall it wasn't a bad book and it was a quick read, but the format was sort of confusing and odd to me. There were four sections: Ingredients, Appetizers, Main Courses, and Sauce & Pickles, and each section had multiple excerpts about different topics. Basically, there'd be a paragraph or two on an idea or topic and then it would move on to another one. It didn't flow very well and didn't seem very comprehensive or fluid. I would have liked it to be less segmented.

In summary, this book might serve better as a reference book then a self-help book. It reads more like an indexed encyclopedia than a novel or book. 3 stars.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was comprehensive if you are a heterosexual interested in knowing more about heterosexual sex. The lack of mentions of LGBT individuals and the assertion that all humans are bisexual when each individual has autonomy over their identification seems problematic. Much of the information and opinions provided could be found through other online sources, such as Columbia University's 'Go Ask Alice.' The illustrations and intimate and honest tone are extremely beneficial, though.

This book is not particularly kink or queer friendly, but I will probably purchase this for my soon-to-be newlywed Catholic friends to give them a resource on sex.

[Cathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find this rather G-rated in a hardcore world. I would probably feel comfortable giving this to my age 18 children if I had any. If you are really looking to reignite the spark, I don't know that this will do it, but you will know if you crack it open and find yourself saying 'been there, done that'. I do not consider myself kinky or used hard and put away wet, I probably fall more into the PRUDE catagory.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

found this hidden in my parent's closet when i was 9! What a day!

[Cynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

The text and the drawings are explicit.
The crayon art reminds me of the HBO series Real Sex.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not read this basic how-to until college around 2006 I believe. I majored in Ad/PR and my advertising campaigns professor assigned us this book to read and present in a book marketing campaign. It definitely held my attention--lol--compared to other material that was assigned. I've always been fascinated with sexuality ever since about 5 years old like many others, so I was glad to be interested in this assignment:)

To me, it's a nice basic overview of sex and sexuality. Nothing groundbreaking to me as I read in 2006 (the modern version), so I'm sure back in the '70s this was a big deal to release to the masses. However, it did make me think more about intentionally pleasing my partner. That is pretty natural for me, so I like material that will spark interest in that area, causing me to brainstorm ideas for future romps:)

The best part about this read to me is the message of consent, respect and communicating with your partner. Everyone is different and unique in this department even with our universal foundation so it's important to maintain respect for yourself and your partner always.

[KennyO · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite good, as far as it goes, that being heterosexual couples. You'll never please everyone, so those whose proclivities aren't covered here will, of course, be displeased about their omission. The omission is defensible in that a comprehensive volume couldn't be hefted, rendering it less than useful or enjoyable and offending those who are already at the edge of their sensitivities. Refer, please, to the opening clause of my second sentence.

Alex Comfort published a book that neatly and with dignity addressed a topic of widespread interest that remained quite closeted in 1972. It surprised many with its straightforward prose, accuracy and illustrations that were pornographic only to prudes. It became a basis for conversations on the topic of sex for couples and for general, mature discussion that wasn't muddled by schoolboy stories. Comfort's book squelched much of the tittering palaver that passed for discussion of sex before its publication. I've not seen the latest edition but it would take a major editorial botch job to render it less than it's been for 40+ years.

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book. Alex Comfort is such a pretentious prick. Warning women about removing body hair because it doesn't hold the eua du love? Please!

[aqsa]

It's just -- NOAH SHAW Y'ALL.

[Ashley]

Totally found this in my parent's drawer when I was snooping. It was the 70s version. Oh, man.

[Sarah Brousseau · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book 28/55: The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort. Because why not. Can I use the excuse that I'm a writer and want to learn more about anything and everything. It's almost like those people that write mystery novels and have to search up about how the body decomposes or something of the sort. I did enjoy the read, read like a dictionnary about sex. I apologize to the squeamish about this stuff, but it's a natural process of life, and we're all adults here so get over it! I still read it from beginning to end, and it's considered a book towards my challenge. Some taboo reads to add to the list, and it was on sale.

[miss ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

finally doneeeeeee yeah awesome. this is a delightful and very well fleshed-out sexual dictionary and has aged shockingly well for something published in the 70s. could definitely be a good resource (and will look lovely on the shelves of my future office). the illustrations are excellent as well. excited to read the sequel soon.

[BonGard · Rating 2 out of 5]

واقعیت رو بگم، متن رو نخوندم و تصاویر کتاب رو دیدم.
جایی کتاب از تصاویر هند و ژاپن استفاده میکنه و همون جا من فکر کردم چقدر تصاویر کتاب به نظرم محافظه‌کارند و من به شخصه لذتی رو نمی‌بینم در صورتی که در تصاویر هندی و ژاپنی لذت به نظرم مشخص بود

[Aurora Serenity Sildatke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Need to reignite fiery sparks of passion in your life? Master a few old tricks whilst learning new? Wanting to re-establish communication on all levels with your partner? – Then this book is for you!

Need in-depth knowledge on sexual experiences and an easy how-to-guide for that which you haven’t learnt yet? Just want to understand Woohoo a little better than you did before? Or are looking for advice/ideas/comfort and reassurance if you haven’t had any experience yet? – Then this book is certainly NOT for you!

What can I say? I liked this book but at the same time it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for... I was hoping to understand certain things better, especially when it came to the positions, but unfortunately it didn’t elaborate like I thought it would and had a general “we’re not going to explain ourselves because we assume you’ve at least tried this” attitude about it. So it wasn’t very good in that sense.

This writing was poorly contrived but didn’t bother me at first; after a while it grinded on me as if I were bashing my head against the wall! If you have serious problems with incorrect writing, or poor quality writing, then you should steer clear from this piece of work. However, try to keep in mind that these authors aren’t professional writers and it’s not what they do for a living, so it is forgivable.

Even though it was a little bit of a letdown for me, I still learnt much more than I thought I would and I’m very happy I did read it. It had clear illustrations and many tips and ideas I had never thought of before.

It is definitely worth a read.

This book had 288 pages (plus many references/help pages located at the back)
I was undecided for a while whether I should give this book 3 or 4 stars, but in the end I chose 4 stars. It didn’t deliver exactly what I wanted, but it did deliver.

[Maddy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't get me wrong, this classic book is very good in SOME departments. If I ever had kids, or had read this when I was much younger, I felt it would be a very insightful book. This book does a very good job of explaining respect for sex partners. What it doesn't do is explain anything outside of heterosexual lovemaking.

This edition is meant to be an updated one from the 70s, so I was expecting more from this classic. It really doesn't touch on toys in the bedroom, BDSM, homosexuals, or transgenders. While it does talk briefly about safe sex, I felt there was alot left out. I don't remember it ever mentioning what kind of (oil, silcone, water) lubes can be used with what. Even outside of high school I didn't realize that water lubricant must be used with latex condoms. These would be fantastic bits of knowledge to know!

I may be coming off too harsh on this book. After all we now live in a world where you can see everything (and I mean EVERYTHING ) on the internet. So I was expecting something more insightful in alot more departments. I would call this book the vanilla guide for heterosexual sex.

[FiveBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Writer Kate Figes has chosen to discuss Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex on FiveBooks as one of the top five on her subject - Sex and Marriage, saying that:

"It seems so innocent really now, all those daring explanations of S and M and positions, but it was before Aids and people were so optimistic. It was as though we’d discovered sex and free love."

The full interview is available here: http://five-books.com/interviews/kate-figes

[Victoria Williams-Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always wanted to read this book! And finally did. I found it a timeless classic and I learned a few things. I was actually doing a little "research" for my latest novel, THE WARRENS. When you are writing about the sex life of a younger couple, you want to make sure you are not missing out on anything! I was happy to find that I am quite knowledgeable and not much has changed! This is an updated version and the photographs are absolutely stunning.I enjoyed it, it was a quick read because of all the photos. I would recommend THE JOY OF SEX as a perfect wedding gift for anyone making a trip down the aisle or to anyone who needs a little boost in the bedroom.

[Yoli Aderele-Thomason · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know that this book was groundbreaking for its time, but I found it to be a bit one sided. It's not terrible however it is seriously outdated down to the illustrations of how modern people view sex, how we assimilate information about sex, how we talk about it, how we view what we do and the feelings and emotions or lack thereof attached to it all. The book to me felt very clinical, with no personal flare into the author's approach and attempt to inform.

[Chris Gager · Rating 3 out of 5]

The hairy guy and the booted hooker. The Japanese pictures were better. The text? It's always good and useful to hear what other people think and know about sex. Date read is a guess. I see that Goodreads has switched images on me again. My edition wasn't ultimate and revised. I wish they wouldn't do that! Probably something to do with Amazon's "needs".