Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences

by Ken Blue

Are you a victim of Spiritual Abuse? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a victim of spiritual abuse. Many of us have gone through bad church experiences that have left us feeling like failures. Blaming ourselves, we asked for God's forgiveness, but felt distant from the church and sometimes from God too. Often, however, the fault is not ours but that of Christian leaders who abuse spiritually. How can we recognize the signs of spiritual abuse? What can we do to gain healing from the wounds we have experienced? With clarity and refreshing honesty, Ken Blue answers these questions and offers hope and healing to the victims of spiritual abuse. In addition he shows Christian leaders how to avoid abusive patterns and instead offer Christ's gospel of grace to every casualty of bad church experiences.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Christian, Spirituality, Religion, Christianity, Church

166 pages, Paperback

First published September 10, 1993

Reviews

[Bevan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed this book. Badly. There's a good chance that you need it too. You deserve freedom.

[Dustin · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book that I wish I had read sooner. It will help Christians protect themselves from being spiritually abused as well as from becoming spiritual abusers. There is far too much of this going on in today's church.

The book is an exposition of Matthew 23, where Jesus calls out the Pharisees for what is today known as spiritual abuse. Ken Blue looks at many different characteristics of a spiritually abusive leadership based on Christ's different rebukes of the legalists of his time.

This would've been a five-star read if not for the last two chapters, where Blue discusses what Church Leadership should look like and what Healthy Church Discipline should look like. I had more problems with the former than the latter. I think that he tried hard to not fall into any ecclesiological category, but instead just made the matter more confusing for me, and didn't even mention such passages as 1Timothy 3 or Titus concerning elders etc.

In the last chapter on discipline he cites an example of unhealthy church discipline, mentioning a church that would hand unruly members over to Satan for the destruction of their flesh. He tears apart their practice, but never talks about what 1Cor 5 is actually referring to.

Other than those issues, a great book!

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reveals how the Church has systematically returned to the age of the scribes and Pharisees - the very people Jesus stood firm against.

We have slowly developed a structure that is [ONLY] designed to abuse the Children of God. What is even more scary is the thought that many of the abusers still believe they are doing the work of God, a narcissistic ideology that leaves the abused feeling like they have missed God because they could not match up to some sadistic standard set by the Church "leadership". This epidemic leaves the people affected with a feeling of guilt, shame, inadequacy and diminished spirituality.

Ken Blue thoroughly exposes this sin but also offers suggestions to help the victims and even the abusers.

This book is a MUST read for every Christian out there and I strongly recommend it to everyone who has a heart to lead the people of God in the local Church someday soon.

[Andy Hickman · Rating 4 out of 5]

An important book in my personal journey. A 'must-read' for those serving in pastoral care & clinical counseling.

"In every known human society it appears that most people wish to be led. They follow the line of least resistance, letting those in positions of power make decisions for them. The Bible seems to recognise this, referring to us most often as 'sheep.' This means that we have the tendency to let authority figures make the rules and then apply them to us."
(p. 35-36).

Ken Blue, Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences – The Biblical Answer to the Wounds of Legalism (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 1993).

[Anne Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Primarily this book deals with legalism in churches and the abuse that results from it. Blue maintains that, although spiritual abuse is dangerous and destructive, it is "rarely perpetrated with intent to maim... spiritual abusers are curiously naive about the effects of their exploitation... they are usually so narcissistic or focused on some great thing they are doing for God that they don't notice the wounds they are inflicting on their followers." (p12f)

"Silent submission in the face of violence, dishonesty and abuse will only enable that abuse to be passed on to generations." Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton

"There is no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals... So who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted and you create a nation of law-breakers - and then you cash in on guilt." Ayn Rand (p53)

"A shallow appeal to unity is a common ploy of abusive groups." (p75)

Rabbi means my great one. (p79)

Summary: if abuse is minor and rare, shrug it off. If it is significant, confront the perpetrator. If it is systematic, ongoing, unrelenting and well-defended, leave. (p96)

Even the most hardened abusers sense people will not put up with them forever, so they practise the art of episodic kindness or intermittent reinforcement. (p99)

Should we fail to forgive, the hell we are plunged into is worse than the abuse we suffered. (p100)

Heroic leaders have never outgrown their childhood fantasies. The soul of the narcissist has resisted the process of maturation. (p112)

The common denominator between victim and abuser is shame. (Pages 120 - 121 contain an excellent section on shame.)

When we do wrong (or think we do), our conscience condemns us and demands a payment or punishment. Our instinctive response is to try to buy off our conscience.

[DV K · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read this book, I thought that there were some nuances that related to my church, the hierarchy, and the outward appearance of the congregation to the exclusion of what was truly in our hearts. I did not have revelation of the Gospel of Jesus then. In the two years after reading this book, I have come to the conclusion that most churches, although well-meaning, are operating under a system of spiritual abuse, because they themselves do not understand what it means to be operating under the freedom of Christ's finished work. The only way that leadership knows how to keep their church in line is to feed them a steady diet of rule-following and enlighten them to the principles of the Law. If anyone should have an intelligent thought, it was best left unspoken, or else it would appear that a lay person was questioning authority.

This book covers all of these scenerios. We were discouraged from questioning decisions and teachings the leaders made. There were many broad and vague appeals to "surrender fully", "yield completely" and yet never defined or explained, so there was never any peace in our conscience as to whether we were obedient. We had one foot stuck in the Law of the Old Testament, and the other in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There was a church-appointed division in the body, where only selected card-carrying members were prayed over by leadership, while the rest of the congregation was excluded. This book discusses the dangers of these practices, and solutions for believers that have a desire to know the truth about our Abba, and the great love He had towards us that He gave His only begotten Son to die for each and everyone of us! Hallelujah!

[Craig French · Rating 3 out of 5]

For a reader having little exposure to notions of spiritual abuse, this is a great place to start. The author also provides common tactics and sayings abusive spiritual leaders use to manipulate...for anyone in the midst of the "fog" this creates, this book should be helpful.

While this book is not really about healing from spiritual abuse, it does provide a helpful introduction to the notion of spiritual abuse. It also provides some positive insight as to what healthy leadership looks like in the church, and uses Scripture to do that. There are also helpful looks at Matthew 18, 23, Galatians (and elsewhere) to illustrate that what we now call "spiritual abuse" was not foreign to Scripture's warnings and admonitions.

This book does provide you with enough tools to begin the healing process.

Minorly irksome: the author allowed his own ecclesiological horses out of the barn a little to frequently (e.g. seemed to be too egalitarian).

[Emily]

I disagree with the author on a few points. For example, he says one should confront the perpetrators of spiritual abuse but I do not think that should be broadly applied to every situation.

Otherwise, this is a good and helpful book. It is very brief (and the author himself admits that) so check my shelf for other books on spiritual abuse.

[Louise Lawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a great book with lots of things to relate to and be aware of. A must read for people who aren’t sure that they are in a healthy church. Full of great advice.

[Jedediah Gorham]

This was a very helpful book for me in reflecting on past abuses and how to move forward as a servant leader.

[Lexie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this to anyone who is or has previously been involved with a Christian group, church, or community. I don't say strictly "currently involved in a church" because many times people who have been hurt or victims of spiritual abuse may no longer attend or associate with Christian religion. I do say Christian because the concepts in the book are strictly taken from the Bible and teachings of Jesus. Although a more dated book from the early 90s, the concepts are current and accurate. The writer is very intellectual and factual, teaching what the Bible says and comparing it to how Christians often interpret it in ways that are harmful. Touches on topics especially regarding church leadership and treatment of those under them. I loved reading this; it's one I will read again and still glean more from.

[Kenneth Garrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very concise, insightful primer on the nature of spiritual abuse, abusive pastors, and some of the predispositions that might lead a person into joining a spiritually abusive church. This is a wonderful book for those approaching the issue from a pastoral theology perspective, and would serve as an excellent resource for pastors, for those who have left what they believe to be abusive churches, and for those in abusive churches who are beginning to question the spiritual health of their leaders and congregation.

[SusanS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have You Been Here?

What if church wasn't a safe place? What if one of the most hurtful things you ever experienced was done to you in the name of religion? If you've ever been there, this is the book for you! Why would a minister subject you to spiritual abuse? What constitutes spiritual abuse? Should I stay or should I go? If you are hurting, this could be your first step toward reclaiming joy and repairing your relationship with God.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really great book about getting through and recovering from messed up leadership structures that often happen in our churches.

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fantastic look at Spiritual Abuse in the church. The first few chapters help to identify the abuse and the last few chapters show what a healthy church should look like.

[Collin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank God for Ken Blue.

[Deke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have read once, am reading a 2nd time.

[Deax · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful insight into abusive church situations and the causes thereof. Sobering warnings to those in church leadership

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful.