Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide: Living in the Wake of Suicide Revised Edition

by Christopher Lukas

Silent Grief is a book for and about "suicide survivors" - those who have been left behind by the suicide of a friend or loved one. Author Christopher Lukas is a suicide survivor himself - several members of his family have taken their own lives - and the book draws on his own experiences, as well as those of numerous other suicide survivors. These personal testimonies are combined with the professional expertise of Henry M. Seiden, a psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist. The authors present information on common experiences of bereavement, grief reactions and various ways of coping. Their message is that it is important to share one's experience of "survival" with others and they encourage survivors to overcome the perceived stigma or shame associated with suicide and to seek support from self-help groups, psychotherapy, family therapy, Internet support forums or simply a friend or family member who will listen. "Silent Grief" gives valuable insights into living in the wake of suicide and provides useful strategies and support for those affected by a suicide, as well as professionals in the field of psychology, social work, and medicine.

Genres: Psychology, Grief, Nonfiction, Mental Health

220 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 31, 1987

Reviews

[Grey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two days ago marked 6 months without my brother Scout. I feel like I’m constantly counting the days. This year has been filled with unbearable pain. It feels like a perpetual ache in my heart, a constant reminder of his absence that I can't seem to shake.
While I thought I would be further along in my grief journey, but I'm beginning to realize that grief isn't something you simply get over. It's learning to carry the weight of loss while trying to navigate a world that feels fundamentally altered. I’ve been told that grief is love with nowhere to go anymore, and I have so much love left in my heart for my older brother.
When I think of him, I think of his smile. The world seems dimmer without his smile. I miss the person I grew up with, the steady and constant presence he was. I miss how he used to interrupt sleepovers with my best friend so that he could join in on the fun. I miss how infectious his laugh was. I miss Scout so much.

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most helpful in this book are the stories and statements from other "survivors." This tended to help me to understand that what I was feeling and thinking and even saying was pretty much part of the horrible baggage of this experience. This book is also helpful for the ways it casts the different ways that survivors make "bargains" that eventually come back to haunt them. The only small reservation I have in all of this is the occasional tendency for the book to veer too much into the language of sociology and look at everything in terms of patterns and the cliched jargon of the field. When it did this, I always wanted examples or more discussion. But for the most part, this has been a helpful companion as I have begun the trek through a deeply personal loss.

[Bonita]

Important to read if you have experienced suicidal death

[Meriem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a huge admiration for Christopher Lukas for writing this book.

[Sondra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Silent Grief is broken into 3 sections--the emotions/stages of grief survivors face, the bargains survivors make with themselves in order to cope, and how to seek treatment/help for dealing with suicide in one's family/friendships. Lukas uses his mother's own suicide when he was a child to open the book, and his story is very sad and very moving. But in realizing and expressing his grief, he's created a very useful guidebook for anyone who knows someone who has taken their own life. The book is meant to console survivors, to show them them they are not alone, and to provide resources where they may get help and to find a way to move forward. He also has a chapter dedicated to speaking to children about suicide, which is particularly well done. There are also lots of personal excerpts from survivors who were interviewed. These sections help to make the book more personal and less clinical.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Christopher M. Lukas combats the stigma of silence surrounding suicide. He offers ways suicide loss survivors can share their story and encourages suicide loss survivors to find support in others, whether it is in support groups, therapy, online, or with friends and family. Lukas’ own family story is one of silence and trauma that produced unhealthy feelings of loneliness and helplessness as a child, grandchild, and nephew of family members who died by suicide. Lukas hopes to instill healing and hope in survivors by having them share their stories. Recommended to suicide loss survivors, especially those hesitant to reach out or who grew up in families or cultures that discourage the sharing of feelings.

[Gerri Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book shows how hard suicide is on families (and friends). The very people who cared the most and tried the hardest to help someone are the ones most filled with guilt. Marriages are destroyed and the suicide rate for those remaining is very high. For every suicide there are a dozen or so people whose lives are damaged.

If someone was thinking of killing themselves they should read this book--and see the problems that they are going to leave behind.

No one plans to have a family member kill themself--and yet with the suicide rate going up there are more people having to deal with this every year.

[Bank · Rating 3 out of 5]

Silent Grief is written for survivors of suicide , and the emotions which rock their world . The heartbreaking part of life for the survivor is trying to understand why their loved one chose death over them , why they felt no one could help them continue onwards , and the blazing anger which will be inevitable but is usually directed at every one except the lost soul. The chapters on bargains are painful to read .
The author is a suicide survivor and his coauthor a mD ; the material is pretty good and the writing style a bit choppy .

[Deanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is written for those who have survived the suicide of a loved one. It uses the stories of those survivors, told in their own words, to discuss bereavement, grief and ways to cope. It is a book written for the average person overwhelmed by his circumstances. I read it four months after my sister's death and I was able to grasp its points far better than if I had picked it up in the first month. I will likely refer to it again as I change in my experience of the grief.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book written by a person who lost a number of relatives to suicide and and psychologist/psychoanalyst. As in a number of books I have read on this subject, they give inspiring ideas on surviving and places to find help, along with websites that cover this subject.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel this is an important resource as a whole for suicide survivors. Difficult to read not only because of the material, but also, in my opinion, the writing and organization was a bit lacking. Good job of providing examples of situations in which survivors find themselves in.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good to help explain the feelings of the survivor of such an event. Offers some "help" by naming some support groups, etc.

[Tori · Rating 2 out of 5]

skimmed it

[Elina Judelovich · Rating 4 out of 5]

That was quite a useful reading.

[Jennifer Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could have used this book a number of years ago. Difficult to read at times due to the emotions, but written from very "real" standpoints.

[Connie Bauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for anyone who has lost someone who died of suicide.

[Lettie Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful to see how others were able to move forward