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Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid: A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children
AUTHORS’
We are not in any way experts on parenting children with disabilities. Our goal is simply to share strategies that have worked for each of us in the event it may help those in a similar situation. If you’re different from us (i.e., you are bright or of the perfect persuasion), we advise you not to try the following at home.
On a “perfection-preoccupied planet,” sisters Gina and Patty dare to speak up about the frustrations, sadness, and stigmas they face as parents of children with disabilities (one with Asperger’s syndrome, the other with bipolar disorder).
This refreshingly frank book, which will alternately make you want to tear your hair out and laugh your head off, should be required reading for parents of disabled children. Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid provides wise and funny advice about how
• Find a support group—either online or in your community
• Ensure that your child gets the right in-school support
• Deal with people—be they friends, family members, or strangers—who say or do insensitive things to you or your child
• Find fun, safe, and inclusive extracurricular activities for your child
• Battle your own grief and seek professional help if you need it
• Keep the rest of the family intact in moments of crisis
We are not in any way experts on parenting children with disabilities. Our goal is simply to share strategies that have worked for each of us in the event it may help those in a similar situation. If you’re different from us (i.e., you are bright or of the perfect persuasion), we advise you not to try the following at home.
On a “perfection-preoccupied planet,” sisters Gina and Patty dare to speak up about the frustrations, sadness, and stigmas they face as parents of children with disabilities (one with Asperger’s syndrome, the other with bipolar disorder).
This refreshingly frank book, which will alternately make you want to tear your hair out and laugh your head off, should be required reading for parents of disabled children. Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid provides wise and funny advice about how
• Find a support group—either online or in your community
• Ensure that your child gets the right in-school support
• Deal with people—be they friends, family members, or strangers—who say or do insensitive things to you or your child
• Find fun, safe, and inclusive extracurricular activities for your child
• Battle your own grief and seek professional help if you need it
• Keep the rest of the family intact in moments of crisis
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 25, 2007
29 people are currently reading
248 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
October 3, 2011
I don't have a special needs child however several of my close friends have special needs children. I'm also a special ed teacher. This book is fast read, I started and finished it within the day. I found it very true to life. It's not intended to give advice but rather to share some "down in the trenches" type stories. There are lots of resources listed where parents can get additional information and help. Personally, I found the section on IEPs especially enlightening and I will use what I learned about the parent's perspective in making that meeting a better one for everyone involved.
September 19, 2011
This book should be on every special needs parent's booklist if only to let them know they are not alone. There actually ARE people in the world who understand what we are dealing with every single day.
February 24, 2015
I really enjoyed this book and was sad to finish it. It felt like Gina and Patty were good friends of mine. Being a parent of a child with Asperger's Syndrome & AD/HD, I felt this book was heart lifting because usually life is hard and generally serious. I could relate to the authors quite a lot and realize that I need to relax and embrace my child's imperfection :) even though he is "imperfect" to the world, he's perfect to me :D I'd definitely recommend this to all my friends who are dealing with similar situations in life :)
August 16, 2015
I loved this book! As a parent with a child with a disability, I could completely relate to these two mothers/authors! It isn't that you aren't happy for other parents "perfect" child's accomplishments, but you know you are never going to have the same dreams, so you may as well come up with new ones! They will be more achievable and make you, your family and your child happier. I really appreciate the resources of websites and mother cafe forums to get in touch with other mothers. I have many flagged pates and will continue to come back to this book during my journey.
September 24, 2009
Read a couple of chapters and couldn't get through any further. Written by two sisters who are both mothers of children with different special needs, they try to be funny and irreverent but just comes across as annoying. I was disappointed. Kept looking for some little nuggets of wisdom and only found a bunch of silly one-liners and punch lines.
March 18, 2017
Everyone should read this book. If you know anyone with a special needs child or you have one, this book should be on your book shelf. It hits the nail on the head explaining what it's like and the challenges faced.
April 9, 2011
I found this book both annoying and condescending.
June 29, 2012
A lighthearted but serious discussion about parents with special needs children.
July 10, 2012
This is the best book about raising a special needs child that I have read with lots of humour!
January 2, 2014
Funny! and very good information for parents who have children with some special educational and medical needs
December 7, 2014
Light reading, nothing technical. Validating re living in our "perfect society" and all the hoops and varied emotions one experiences with challenged kiddos.
February 7, 2021
I am usually not a soapbox kind of person. But everyone should read this book. Whether you have a child with special needs or not, you will laugh and cry, and hopefully understand. Sometimes having a child with a hidden disability makes me feel so alone... and judged... and crazy. But this book actually makes me normal for once. If I could buy a million copies and hand them out on the street, I would.
Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid!
Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid!
March 19, 2019
This is a humorous book that is perfect for parents whose child has been diagnosed with a mild disability. It is not for parents of kids with a severe disability. It is probably available in your public library. I do recommend this for a certain population only.
April 2, 2018
Boy did this book come at a time when I needed it! It is filled with humor and much needed advice and a few tears. I hope they make a sequel!
June 4, 2019
I enjoyed the book. Sometimes you just need to read content that reaffirms you aren't alone!
September 2, 2019
I was skeptical reading this, but it helped me immensely. 💜
September 13, 2022
THIS IS THE BOOK PARENTS SHOULD READ! Skip the ones about normalizing your child and laugh instead! This book made me feel much better about having autistic kiddos.
September 9, 2023
Read when my child was young, and could relate to a lot of what these parents were experiencing. Hated the title so I actually made an old-school paperback book cover while reading this.
February 10, 2011
I read this book in about two and a half hours, so I can certainly say it was an easy read. I think the key to this book is about expectations- what you expect going into it will greatly affect how much you like it.
I do not, myself, have children with special needs. But my sister has a master's in special ed and is an inclusion teacher, I have many friends with kids with special needs, and I am always concerned in how I can help talk to my kids about other kids who are "different." So I went into reading this book to hear the voices of some moms that have been there and back, and try to get some insight in the struggles. So that I could be more aware.
I found the writing to be fun, but not side-splitting funny like some reviews claim. I enjoyed it because I am close to my sister and understand a world where two sisters can find something humorous where others might think they are kooky. That's how this read to me, so I can understand why other readers might be a little put-off by it. You sometimes feel like you are on the outside of an inside joke. The other thing I felt was that these were two women who speak in public a lot and their book reads like a transcribed speech at times. Some people are talented public speakers but not so great at the writing thing. I didn't mind it, though, as I just pretended I was hearing them speak the book to a crowd of a hundred people and it made it flow better.
The content of this book was what I wanted- two women telling their stories about their journey through the special needs world. There weren't any great fountains of advice on how to deal with anything, and they very clearly do not claim to offer them. It seems their purpose is to just open the dialogue by being transparent and opening their lives to whomever wants a glance. They want other parents on the roller coaster know that they are not alone. I really think the book is more a supplement to their true passion, the Movement of Imperfection, and their speaking gigs. It's another tool they use to get the conversation going, but I do not think the book is supposed to stand alone as a resource for parents of children with special needs.
What they do offer is advice from others who are specialists and a list of resources (mainly websites) where parents can go for more information and support. This to me validates my idea that they don't want to claim to give advice, they leave that to people that have the education and experience. All they bring to the table is a sympathetic ear and an offer of kinship. And, for those of us not in their group, some insight on their struggles and how we as a society can be more understanding.
I would recommend this book for people like me who want some insight into some people in pain to whom we could all be a bit more sensitive. I tentatively recomment this book to parents with kids of special needs but cannot do that without any authority because I have no idea whether it would be helpful or not.
I do not, myself, have children with special needs. But my sister has a master's in special ed and is an inclusion teacher, I have many friends with kids with special needs, and I am always concerned in how I can help talk to my kids about other kids who are "different." So I went into reading this book to hear the voices of some moms that have been there and back, and try to get some insight in the struggles. So that I could be more aware.
I found the writing to be fun, but not side-splitting funny like some reviews claim. I enjoyed it because I am close to my sister and understand a world where two sisters can find something humorous where others might think they are kooky. That's how this read to me, so I can understand why other readers might be a little put-off by it. You sometimes feel like you are on the outside of an inside joke. The other thing I felt was that these were two women who speak in public a lot and their book reads like a transcribed speech at times. Some people are talented public speakers but not so great at the writing thing. I didn't mind it, though, as I just pretended I was hearing them speak the book to a crowd of a hundred people and it made it flow better.
The content of this book was what I wanted- two women telling their stories about their journey through the special needs world. There weren't any great fountains of advice on how to deal with anything, and they very clearly do not claim to offer them. It seems their purpose is to just open the dialogue by being transparent and opening their lives to whomever wants a glance. They want other parents on the roller coaster know that they are not alone. I really think the book is more a supplement to their true passion, the Movement of Imperfection, and their speaking gigs. It's another tool they use to get the conversation going, but I do not think the book is supposed to stand alone as a resource for parents of children with special needs.
What they do offer is advice from others who are specialists and a list of resources (mainly websites) where parents can go for more information and support. This to me validates my idea that they don't want to claim to give advice, they leave that to people that have the education and experience. All they bring to the table is a sympathetic ear and an offer of kinship. And, for those of us not in their group, some insight on their struggles and how we as a society can be more understanding.
I would recommend this book for people like me who want some insight into some people in pain to whom we could all be a bit more sensitive. I tentatively recomment this book to parents with kids of special needs but cannot do that without any authority because I have no idea whether it would be helpful or not.
March 1, 2014
While I think these sisters are courageous for sharing their story and trying to make it lighthearted through sarcasim, I have mixed feelings about this book. I almost gave up reading it 1/3 of the way through. Partly because of the attempts of humor through cheesy one-liners and partly because this book didn't really cover the needs/issues of my special needs child, or so I thought.
Once I got to about the middle of the book I did start to find the information they shared from Dr. LeeAnn Karg informative and very helpful. But again, at that point I thought about putting the book down and going directly to Dr. Karg's website. When I finally got to the chapters with general 'tips' that any parent of a special needs child could relate to like discussing IEP's and working with schools and doctors, etc, those parts I found very helpful.
I did think the ending of the book was great. I liked hearing how the family members viewed the situations (specifically the daughters) and what they learned as well as what the authors learned so far in their journey with special needs kids. Plus there is a large list of resources that I hope will eventually put me on the path to find the information I am wanting regarding my child’s needs.
I do appreciate the authors writing honestly and candidly about their feelings as they struggled at the low points and celebrated the high points in their lives. And their final message about learning to accept and appreciate the beauty these special kids bring to the world.
Once I got to about the middle of the book I did start to find the information they shared from Dr. LeeAnn Karg informative and very helpful. But again, at that point I thought about putting the book down and going directly to Dr. Karg's website. When I finally got to the chapters with general 'tips' that any parent of a special needs child could relate to like discussing IEP's and working with schools and doctors, etc, those parts I found very helpful.
I did think the ending of the book was great. I liked hearing how the family members viewed the situations (specifically the daughters) and what they learned as well as what the authors learned so far in their journey with special needs kids. Plus there is a large list of resources that I hope will eventually put me on the path to find the information I am wanting regarding my child’s needs.
I do appreciate the authors writing honestly and candidly about their feelings as they struggled at the low points and celebrated the high points in their lives. And their final message about learning to accept and appreciate the beauty these special kids bring to the world.
April 7, 2013
I have to give this wonderful book five stars. I will admit that this is one I have read many times before. Gina and her sister Patty have done a wonderful job not only sharing their stories of living with "imperfect" children but also coping mechanisms, where to look for help and simply something every parent of an imperfect child needs...HUMOR. As a parent of not one but two imperfect children (my third is not perfect per se but thank goodness "normal" at the very least) I often find myself in the same predicaments that the authors are. But this book is not just for the parent of an imperfect child but also anyone who has a imperfect child in their life somehow (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends etc) as it really clues the reader in to what life with an imperfect child is like. I also urge anyone reading this book to check out the facebook page "Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid" for even more imperfection and support.
May 11, 2014
This gets a three based on the subject and the authors intentions. I'm sure their characterization of the way IEP meetings are run and the careless way they were treated by the education system felt real to them. It's not that way everywhere though and all the topics they address very widely based on medical providers and school systems.
Unfortunately, the people who might benefit most from this book, (parents first finding out that their children have problems and their friends families and neighbors) are unlikely to read it.
I do appreciate the effort to make the topic of children with special needs more accessible. Anything that might get one more family member or friend to be understanding and helpful instead of ignoring the problem and backing away is appreciated. It is true that often people feel so awkward around differently abled children that isolation for them and their families is a huge problem
Unfortunately, the people who might benefit most from this book, (parents first finding out that their children have problems and their friends families and neighbors) are unlikely to read it.
I do appreciate the effort to make the topic of children with special needs more accessible. Anything that might get one more family member or friend to be understanding and helpful instead of ignoring the problem and backing away is appreciated. It is true that often people feel so awkward around differently abled children that isolation for them and their families is a huge problem
February 16, 2012
Just loved this book, it was funny, simple to read (from this mom's veiw), not a textbook - so loved that!. It also had helpfull information that I could really use in it as well. I will be following these sisters to see if they write another book, and in line to get it if they do! For this mom of a Autistic girl, it is WAY up there on must read books, for a number of reasons. I am going to be giving this one to some family member for Christmas, hopefully they can see my family in a whole new way after reading it :)
May 2, 2015
Anyone who feels worn out by both the high expectations of modern parenting and the very serious demands of raising a special needs child should read this lighthearted book. Although I personally did not find the writing style very funny, I really appreciate what these authors are trying to do in raising awareness and acceptance through humor. As the mother of a special needs kid, I know that their message that it's OK to have completely different goals for our kids is extremely important in our overly competitive society. I hope they keep spreading the word.
February 21, 2011
This was really a good book. It could bring tears to my eyes in once paragraph, and then the next I'd be laughing out loud. I didn't really learn much from it, since I've been on the special needs roller coaster for almost 13 years now. The reason I only gave it 3 stars is because most of the information was old news to me. I would highly recommend this book to parents just starting out on the special education adventure. Lots of good info in it about IEPs, for those that are new to them.
September 13, 2012
This book is awesome - just like the ladies who wrote it! They share the story of their imperfect kids - a story many of us can so well relate to. This book, Gina & Patty helped to let me know I was not alone in my quest to raise an imperfect family...in fact this book helped my imperfect family grow by thousands! Friends - read this book and join their page on facebook. It's like free daily therapy!! :)
January 4, 2011
As a mom in the early stages of getting a diagnosis for our 8 year old son, I've been reading a lot of books about his condition(s). I use humor to cope so that made this book a nice reprieve from more factual texts. The humor does feel forced at times, but the emotions are right on. it was nice to read that my emotional roller coaster was not unusual.
May 7, 2013
This book really helped me when my son was first diagnosed with ADHD. It helped me realize that there were so many other things to worry about than if this was from bad parenting. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has a child that has been diagnosed, or even if you suspect that your child has special needs of some kind.
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February 8, 2011I enjoyed this book, and thought it was funny, but was disappointed not to find any new insights about how to deal with people who think their own kids are perfect and aren't very kind to the rest of us who love our "different" kids just the way they are.
February 9, 2012
I think this would have been pretty helpful to me in the beginning stages of dealing with my son's LD. If you are just wading into the waters of IEPs and therapists this is a short book that provides the basic information that you'll need.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews