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There Are No Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
The world of teen romance is sometimes chaotic and oftentimes confusing. What do you say when your 13-year-old asks, “How can I make a guy go out with me?” How do you respond to a 17-year-old who says she’s in love? What do you do with a daughter who gets involved in endless hookups and breakups that leave her an emotional wreck? The answers, just like dating relationships, aren’t always easy. This book gives parents a window into the teen dating scene and shows them how to maintain their sanity amid all the crushes, courtships, and infatuations of adolescents. Both the fears and the fun of teen dating are revealed as the authors look at some of its biggest • Age (How old should your daughter be before she starts dating, and what age should her dates be?) • Car Dates (Does your daughter have an escape route if a good date goes bad?) • Appropriate Attire (When skin is in, is a bare midriff, backless blouse, or plunging neckline being fashionable or foolish?) • Gift Giving (Are gifts of underwear going over the top?) • Internet (Are virtual relationships a safer, better alternative for your daughter?) Parents are urged to sit down and talk seriously with their daughters about the purpose of dating and to create family dating rules. Sample activities to help get the conversation started are included. Sprinkled throughout the book are real-life dating stories, many silly, some scary, but all serve to remind parents that dating is a valuable experience that shouldn’t be denied or trivialized. 2006 Winner of The National Parenting Center's Seal of Approval
200 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2006
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
January 8, 2010
Why did I read this? Well SOMEONE had to! And it certainly wasn't my parents, even though it was technically THEIR Xmas pressie.
And speaking as a teen, I'm very impressed with this book. They give a lot of wonderful insight into my mind, and to the minds of all them psycho girls out there. There's a gal pal of mine who really, really ought to read this book. Perhaps I can regift?
Plus, speaking as a daughter, this book made me feel like a saint! My parents ought to be sooo grateful to the heavens that I turned out as I am! Sure, I'm not perfect, I'm occasionally insolent, very opiniated, speak my mind, and have a tendency to be obstinate, but that's fart particles compared to the kind of shit people described in this book stir!
Interesting fact: One friend of mine, is way better at relationships than at general knowledge from what I can observe. She's the boss, she is in control of where it goes, and nothing happens that she doesn't want to happen. And she did it all without this book. Remarkable.
Back to the review: it basically tells you stuff you know, and stuff you don't but ought to. This is the sort of book I'd say Britney Spear's mom shoulda read when puberty kicked in. Then there wouldn't be any preggers situations. I'd also recommend this to Miss Cyrus, especially the bits where they imply modesty is a virtue.
(Oh. And looky here. Nibble marks. My rabbit...again. Good Omens wasn't enough for her.)
The authors encourage parents to discuss dating issues with their teen, lay down ground rules that don't seem too overbearing (the worst thing parents should do is create a Romeo & Juliet situation). They teach you how to break the ice with your daughter (and they predict that your daughter might probably react with monosyballic answers, too), and how to handle the situation if she doesn't open up.
They pose the "dateability" question. Eg. What qualities makes a guy dateable and what kind of guy is not the best candidate. And be prepared said daughter is a Shallow Hal, who's probably dateability factor is: He's cool, or a variation of that, He's hot. (Can you see why it might be hard to continue the conversation?) And it's not just the guys who get the screening. Parents are encouraged to make their daughters examine themselves to see whether they are dateable in terms of mental maturity and stuff. The dateability question is an opportunity to put abstract values into concrete terms that can make sense.
The authors encourage parents to sit down and discuss the different scenarios their daughter might find themselves in and to define a bad date, and they are very, very candid about issues of sexual temptation or abuse because they understand that we teens are creatures of the moment, we live in the moment, act in the moment, and in that very moment, there's hardly any room for the wee thinkin' is there?
Oh, they also have this great idea called a call list, which you might not think of in moments of distress. A call list is made up of people who aren't your parents, but care about you enough to drop everything and come get you, eg. BFF's mom. These are the people you can turn to if you're ashamed or embarrassed to face your parents.
And no worries, they also talk about Cyber etiquette and online relationships, and the very real danger of having your text being misunderstood.
And...looky here, they teach the parents how to handle teen breakups, which, admittedly, would be really nice, because that way, if said daughter is in an emotional pit, she'll at least feel like she's got backup, and the pain will eventually be talked to death. Makes sense.
There's also a disturbing excerpt here that identifies the 12 stages people usually go through as they build a relationship with people of the opposite sex (by Desmond Morris, researcher). It helps set clear boundaries, and really gives one a perspective on how sped up today's relationships have become.
All in all, this is a great survival guide to relationships, and how to make it or break it with dignity in tact. BUT, well, the people I'd recommend this book to maintain that I can...ehem..."officially" start dating when I'm legally an adult. 18.
And speaking as a teen, I'm very impressed with this book. They give a lot of wonderful insight into my mind, and to the minds of all them psycho girls out there. There's a gal pal of mine who really, really ought to read this book. Perhaps I can regift?
Plus, speaking as a daughter, this book made me feel like a saint! My parents ought to be sooo grateful to the heavens that I turned out as I am! Sure, I'm not perfect, I'm occasionally insolent, very opiniated, speak my mind, and have a tendency to be obstinate, but that's fart particles compared to the kind of shit people described in this book stir!
Interesting fact: One friend of mine, is way better at relationships than at general knowledge from what I can observe. She's the boss, she is in control of where it goes, and nothing happens that she doesn't want to happen. And she did it all without this book. Remarkable.
Back to the review: it basically tells you stuff you know, and stuff you don't but ought to. This is the sort of book I'd say Britney Spear's mom shoulda read when puberty kicked in. Then there wouldn't be any preggers situations. I'd also recommend this to Miss Cyrus, especially the bits where they imply modesty is a virtue.
(Oh. And looky here. Nibble marks. My rabbit...again. Good Omens wasn't enough for her.)
The authors encourage parents to discuss dating issues with their teen, lay down ground rules that don't seem too overbearing (the worst thing parents should do is create a Romeo & Juliet situation). They teach you how to break the ice with your daughter (and they predict that your daughter might probably react with monosyballic answers, too), and how to handle the situation if she doesn't open up.
They pose the "dateability" question. Eg. What qualities makes a guy dateable and what kind of guy is not the best candidate. And be prepared said daughter is a Shallow Hal, who's probably dateability factor is: He's cool, or a variation of that, He's hot. (Can you see why it might be hard to continue the conversation?) And it's not just the guys who get the screening. Parents are encouraged to make their daughters examine themselves to see whether they are dateable in terms of mental maturity and stuff. The dateability question is an opportunity to put abstract values into concrete terms that can make sense.
The authors encourage parents to sit down and discuss the different scenarios their daughter might find themselves in and to define a bad date, and they are very, very candid about issues of sexual temptation or abuse because they understand that we teens are creatures of the moment, we live in the moment, act in the moment, and in that very moment, there's hardly any room for the wee thinkin' is there?
Oh, they also have this great idea called a call list, which you might not think of in moments of distress. A call list is made up of people who aren't your parents, but care about you enough to drop everything and come get you, eg. BFF's mom. These are the people you can turn to if you're ashamed or embarrassed to face your parents.
And no worries, they also talk about Cyber etiquette and online relationships, and the very real danger of having your text being misunderstood.
And...looky here, they teach the parents how to handle teen breakups, which, admittedly, would be really nice, because that way, if said daughter is in an emotional pit, she'll at least feel like she's got backup, and the pain will eventually be talked to death. Makes sense.
There's also a disturbing excerpt here that identifies the 12 stages people usually go through as they build a relationship with people of the opposite sex (by Desmond Morris, researcher). It helps set clear boundaries, and really gives one a perspective on how sped up today's relationships have become.
All in all, this is a great survival guide to relationships, and how to make it or break it with dignity in tact. BUT, well, the people I'd recommend this book to maintain that I can...ehem..."officially" start dating when I'm legally an adult. 18.
Displaying 1 of 1 review