Honoring the Child Spirit: Inspiration and Learning from Our Children

by Shmuley Boteach

Honoring the Child Spirit is an inspirational, emotional, and prescriptive book that calls upon each of us to recognize and honor the openness, creativity, innocence, and awe of children¿and to tap into and pay tribute to the childlike spirit that lies at the heart of us all. Adulthood, according to the late Michael Jackson, is not the be all and end all of growing up and living a worthwhile life. With society¿s high expectations placed upon maturity and responsibility, we often shut down our curiosity, sense of play, and deep sensitivity. And with this shutting down, we too often fail to recognize and cherish that spirit in our own children¿and the world¿s children¿so that they can thrive and flourish as children. With evocative chapters on the childlike qualities most important to Michael Jackson¿from Awe and Wonder, Creativity, and Gratitude to Imagination and Security¿this heartfelt book gives voice to the eternity of Michael¿s spirit and how he should be remembered: as someone who tried to live by these childlike qualities. Though far from perfect, it was this attempt to sustain innocence amidst the trappings of fame that became his life¿s goal.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Hardcover

First published December 14, 2010

About the author

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, named by Talkers Magazine as one of the 100 most important radio hosts in America, is a nationally syndicated talk show host, the international best-selling author of 15 books, and an acclaimed syndicated columnist.

A winner of the London Times highly prestigious "Preacher of the Year" award, Rabbi Shmuley has lectured and appeared in print, radio, and TV all over the globe. His radio show, "Rabbi Shmuley's Passion," airs daily on Bonneville Broadcasting in afternoon drive-time.

He is the author of a number of books, including "Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy," "Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments," "Why Can't I Fall in Love," "Judaism for Everyone: Renewing your Life through the Vibrant Lessons of the Jewish Faith," and most recently, "Hating Women: America's Hostile Campaign Against the Fairer Sex." A winner of the annual "preacher of the year" contest sponsored by the Times of London, he was formerly rabbi of Oxford University.


Shmuley—he is known universally by his first name, has marketed himself as a rabbi to the stars and an expert on Jewish attitudes toward relationships and marriage. ("Dr. Ruth with a yarmulke," the Washington Post called him.)

Reviews

[NON · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Honoring the Child Spirit” is the book that should've been published instead of the exploitative “The Michael Jackson Tapes” in which Boteach went to great lengths to revile Jackson using hypercritical analyzing that was quite a popular method at the time between authors/journalists when dealing with Jackson. To publish such a book right after Jackson's death to capitalize off his rising popularity especially that Jackson no longer here to defend himself is questionable and gutless.

However, “Honoring the Child Spirit” is almost nothing like “The Michael Jackson Tapes”.* Almost because despite having incredible content to create the ideal piece of work, Boteach couldn't help but throw shade towards Jackson in his introductory section. It's also offensive that he couldn't avoid insulting the Michael Jackson fandom that are going to be the ones to purchase this very book...hmm whatever happened to respecting your audience? He shamelessly attacks the loyalty and connection they had with Jackson deeming them just as blind as his haters. This is absurd and another form of Boteach's superiority complex; he tears down anybody who doesn't agree with him. We surely knows that Jackson was not perfect, we understand his shortcomings, and acknowledge that he was only a human being after all. Actually, it's these confidants and buddies, Boteach included, that broke his spirit by not allowing him to just be; by not accepting him despite his minor flaws like he accepted theirs; by not seeing him as a fellow human being.... And they breached his trust time and time again. Boteach got to accept that he too is among these people and it's not as he'd like to have the readers believe; that he tried to save Jackson from his destructive habits–especially that other associates got a different story to tell about the fall-out that he refuses to acknowledge and chooses to drop the blame solely on Jackson.

Thankfully though that Boteach spares the readers his inconsistent commentaries in-between the Qs & As altogether.

Anyway, back to the book

The purpose of “Honoring the Child Spirit” is to make us, the adults, reflect upon two factors: 1- to befriend the child within, 2- to embrace our children by not merely “conditioning” them into a certain “norm” but by teaching them to find their true identity. We are constantly being swayed to be a certain way that we've lost touch with our child-selves which resulted in us also losing connection with our children which will result in them losing touch with their inner child that will result in ..... you get the point. So, this book serves as a reminder of that. It's an attempt to remind us to reconnect with the child within us, to avoid losing the sweet connection with our own children through conversations with Michael Jackson, a person who spent the majority of his adult career being an advocate of this very message, and of children's rights that he perceived as his life's greatest purpose which kept him marching on.

What Jackson is referring to when discussing childlike qualities is the healthy functioning that we were born with that we seemed to limitlessly enjoy as children before we were programmed by adulthood to adapt to this (Western?) culture of constant pressure that we've forgotten all about our natural mental welfare, and we fell into this unhealthy psychological functioning. He's suggesting that we can restore our birthright of mental health by reawakening that part of us.

As a child prodigy, Michael Jackson was surrounded with responsibilities beyond his young age; he grew up in a world that was urging him to act as an adult; the environment was filled with everything but innocence yet he held into that. He refused to outgrow the child within him; he took him along; he nourished him with care and love.... isn't this one of the fundamental tools to self-confidence?

“(...) recognized, accepted, embraced, and thereby integrated, a child-self can be a magnificent resource that enriches our lives, with its potential for spontaneity, playfulness, and imaginativeness.” - Nathaniel Branden (How to Raise Your Self-Esteem)

Jackson integrated his child-self which ensued in a tuneful bond with the rest of himself. The reason why he spoke of his childhood was not out of mere bitterness but to evoke an awareness using his experience as an example of not only a lost youth but also of winning; winning over one's own self by remaining in-tune; winning against a society that doesn't allow individuality. He spoke of his life to let us learn from it, to learn from him. Jackson's life illustrates a person who stood up for himself in spite of the scrutiny and the constant bullying. He never caved in. He repeatedly stated that he knew who he was, and that knowledge sustained him. “You can't hurt me I've found peace within myself,” he declares.

“Imagine what Michael Jackson experienced during his remarkable life, one that was literally unlike any other. He saw the richest of rich, the poorest of the poor, the sickest the sick, the highest of the high, and the lowest of the low. He interacted with royalty, heads of state, celebrities at the top of stardom, the rich and famous. He made it his business to interact with the suffering, the orphaned, and the dying on every continent, praying with them, giving them his money and his love, and offering them hope. He traversed countries of every size and shape. He left his lasting impact on people from every walk of life, of every religion and shade of color. He reached out to everyone, and he did it quietly, passionately and reverently.” -Karen Moriarty (Defending a King: His Life & Legacy)

What makes Jackson the perfect choice for this book's topic is more than just the fact that he was a child prodigy but also that he managed to survive–to the best of his ability– and moved from being great to being the greatest.** The lessons he's got to offer within the pages of this small volume using his vast experience in maintaining his sanity in an insane environment, in maintaining individuality in a world that constantly program all of us into a certain frame of thinking and a certain way of living are significant.

“One of the remarkable qualities of Jackson's life and work, however, is that he refuses to compromise his ‘difference’ He doesn't conform to expectations. Rather, he is true to himself and flaunts his unique, multi-faceted identity, to the frustration of those who would like him to fit in more predictable boxes.” -Joseph Vogel (“Am I the Beast You Visualized?” The Cultural Abuse of Michael Jackson) ***

Michael Jackson was a man of few words but when he did speak, mindfulness oozed straight from his heart. The soothing impact that his observations have is instant, not just that he also opens the readers' eyes to the simple things in life that we so-often take for granted. He repeatedly praises what he cherishes most (“I love climbing trees,” “I love nature,” “I love to laugh,” ...) and gives thanks to those he encountered out of gratefulness that he encourages oftentimes. Jackson indicates that the outcome of honoring the child is to honor oneself which is among the pillars of self-esteem and effective inner and outer change.

Rawness is the quality that distinguished Jackson from the typical celebrities out there. He seemed to rarely rehearse his speeches/thoughts; he channeled the message, the way it was delivered to him.

“I am just honest with myself. I don't think most people are honest with themselves. I let go and when I let go, it's that purest form of myself, the innocence.” -Michael Jackson (p. 12)

In “Honoring the Child Spirit,” Michael Jackson offers his views on not only the child-like qualities we all should embrace or how it's important to reconnect with our inner child or merely highlights the reason why it's crucial to reevaluate our relationship with childhood, and with our children... he also expresses his sentiments regarding other related subjects (e.g. his parents, his own children, Neverland Ranch, Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, Bill Cosby among other figures that he knew/learned from).****

All in all, pay no mind to the rabbi's introduction and go straight to the actual conversation that will grant you an access to learn some more about the real Michael Jackson from the experiences he went through to the subject he openly cared about: the well-being of children all around the world. Jackson's heartfelt and delightful observations are nothing short of magic. Jackson was a messenger of love, and an artist of life whose most important goal was to be remembered by his own children as, “a wonderful father” (p. 129).*****

“I want to be successful in being a great father. I want them to say, ‘We felt completely loved and he was, like, incredible.’ I want to represent what I want fathers to be with their children.” -Michael Jackson (p. 101)

Take all you can out of this small volume because what's offered in here is not only delightful but it's also liberating.

Read also: Dancing the Dream


*I still wouldn't recommend you putting money into the author's pocket because of the obvious reasons but go ahead and borrow a free copy from the library or simply just read it while you're there

**Jackson's death was ruled as a homicide at the hand of Conrad Murray

***this article is also available in “Featuring Michael Jackson”

****it's interesting how he expressed that he “went for years of not really liking [Bill Cosby]” (p. 123)

*****he revealed repeatedly how he would love for his children to succeed in “the arts”

[Alexandra Martins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should have had more promotion, everybody should know about it! You get to see Michael’s vision and reasons why he loved children so much - there’s no ounce of viciousness. A incredible record of Michael Jackson’s beautiful heart! Really inspiring reading to help us value more the children of the world and the child within our own selves!

[Kerry Hennigan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's book "Honoring the Child Spirit" documenting his conversations with Michael Jackson, is a welcome but belated contribution from Boteach in the wake of his earlier volume: "The Michael Jackson Tapes".

"Honoring the Child Spirit" is the book that Michael had anticipated when making the taped interviews with the Rabbi. Instead, we had what many (myself amongst them) considered to be Boteach's exploitation of Michael's post-death popularity - "The Michael Jackson Tapes" with Boteach analysing and pontificating on Michael's words and actions. Its publication by Boteach after Michael's passing was nothing short of cowardly.

Even in this new book, which contains some stunningly beautiful insights of MJ's perspective of children and what we can learn from them, Boteach can't avoid throwing some darts in his introductory comments.

He refers to Michael's fanatical fans, who can see no wrong in their hero, and at the other extreme the man's many detractors who can see no good in him. For MJ's beloved fans to be considered even at the opposite end of the same polarity as "the haters" is a major insult. Who does he think is buying his book?

Obviously we know Michael Jackson wasn't perfect. All his choices weren't wise or well executed. If not for his faults and failings, he would probably still be with us. Moreover we, more than anyone, are aware of the blows to his spirit inflicted by such trusted confidents as Boteach who subsequently let him down... and not for the reasons Boteach gives in his Introduction.

The Rabbi would have us think that he tried to save Michael from his most destructive excesses, and that this was why Michael distanced himself after a two year association. This is not the story some of MJ's other associates relate.

While some may think well of the Rabbi for defending Michael against the criminal charges he faced, we already know he was innocent. There comes a time when repeating the accusations perpetuates the problem. Besides, it would have been better for him to have spoken out (loudly) when it mattered, when Michael was under attack from all those wanting a piece of him, his money and his freedom.

But never mind the Rabbi's opening missive. My suggestion is, to get the most out of this slim volume, skip over the Introduction and go straight to the question and answer text, and there you will discover the real Michael Jackson.

His insights are a delight to read, and merely enhance the view that most true Michael Jackson fans have of their hero. Flawed, yes, imperfect, yes, but to all the evidence, closer to God than most of us despite the pressures of the industry he excelled in.

Michael Jackson was a human being; he just saw better than most of us what we have lost in striving to be ever more sophisticated and in control of our world. So much in control that we have the power to destroy all life on the planet! This was something that concerned Michael very much.

Sadly, this little book probably won't change anything. Those who will admit no redeeming features in Michael will not be changed by it (heck, they won't even read it!) And the fans, who probably know Michael and his motivations better than anyone, will understand it and appreciate it as confirmation of what they already know in terms of his ideas on childhood and raising children.

Still, we just love reading his innermost thoughts and feelings as much as he could share them with someone and expect them to be accurately reported, and in the context intended.

Michael's words in this book are wonderful (i.e. wonder-filled), heartfelt and inspiring because he is talking about something he loved unreservedly - the welfare of children everywhere. It's just a pity that we get Rabbi Shmuley along with them.

In the end though, the overwhelming impression is of Michael - a grown man who saw the face of God when he looked at children, and who wanted more than anything for his own children to one day credit him for being a wonderful dad.

Sadly, that day came much sooner than anyone expected. But never fear Michael; your children have spoken of their love for you, repeatedly, and loudly and clearly. We love them for it, and we love you for raising them with so much love. But most of all, we love you for being you.

In a doubting, cynical world that does not allow itself to trust a man who loves to play as a child, you continue to point the way to finding joy, appreciation and inspiration in all God's creation.

Original review by Kerry Hennigan
May 28, 2012. Updated April 12, 2013.

[Oriyah N · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was the biggest joke...as I kind of suspected it would be (morbid curiosity drew me in.)

Boteach is milking his "friendship" with MJ for a his marketing purposes, and MJ sort of rants and raves without sounding especially coherent (and resembling a mental patient at times. I don't mean that in a metaphorical sense, but rather in the clinical sense, bordering on the "word salad" seen in people with schizophrenia.) He often doesn't address Boteach's questions, which oftentimes seem extremely contrived, or as if he superimposed them on a previously existing MJ monologue. They often are also extremely leading. ("Do you think that___" followed by an extremely long and nuanced ___.)

Neither one of them (especially MJ) can make up their minds if children are inherently innocent or inherently good. They waver between saying that children need to be taught negative behaviors and that they behave that way organically and have to be taught otherwise, and the like. MJ also frequently waxes lyrical in a way that far surpasses the borderline of creepy, saying how he needs them, and mentioning them in the same breath as adults and their mates.

The "lessons" contained herein aren't anything particularly deep, interesting or novel. It was basically a load of fluff used for merchandising and advertising Boteach's Friday Night family night thing.

I know I had further criticisms based on the attributes of this joke of a book, but can't remember them at the moment, and honestly, it isn't worth the effort. And yes, the negativity is inherent to the book.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read from transcripts of conversations between Michael Jackson and a rabbi friend and prolific author on faith and family topics, Rabbu Shmuley Boteach. Positives: a stirring reflection on childlikeness and the unfortunate ways that wonderment, unconditional love, and trust get squeezed out of us as we 'mature.' Reminds me of a Chesterton quote remixing Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and grown old, and our Heavenly Father is younger than we." (From the book Orthodoxy). The main drawback from this book is that MJ downplays the bents for selfishness present children at an early age. This book is about the sacramental value of children, painting a rosy picture, but one that gave me plenty to think about as an expectant parent and pastor to children.