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For Married Men Only: Three Principles for Loving Your Wife
What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? Three things, says Tony a husband must act as his wife’s savior, sanctifier, and satisfier. It is by living out these three principles that a godly marriage will blossom and flourish. In For Married Men Only , each of these principles is explored and explained using real-life examples. How can a husband be his wife’s savior? By learning to love her as Christ loved the church. What about sanctifier? By dying to self and modeling sacrificial love, no matter what the result. And satisfier? By studying and serving his wife so he can fulfill her needs, just as Christ humbled Himself for our sakes. First published in 2002 as Tony Evans Speaks Out on a Man’s Role in the Home , this booklet has sold nearly 40,000 copies. Use it alone or with the companion volume, For Married Women Only .
64 pages, Paperback
First published April 20, 2010
69 people are currently reading
256 people want to read
About the author
Tony Evans
511 books513 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Anthony Tyrone "Tony" Evans Sr. is an American evangelical pastor, speaker, author, and widely syndicated radio and television broadcaster in the United States. Between 1976 and 2024, Evans served as senior pastor at the over-9,500-member Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas.
Anthony Tyrone "Tony" Evans Sr. is an American evangelical pastor, speaker, author, and widely syndicated radio and television broadcaster in the United States. Between 1976 and 2024, Evans served as senior pastor at the over-9,500-member Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
December 29, 2018
I like that part about dating (dancing romancing and complimenting ) starting after marriage and about touching your wife often in friendly ways (like rubbing her back or arm ) and about listening to your wife for two hours without cutting her off so you can feel her problems with her not just intellectually solve them .
However I don't like some of the anti feminist sentiment under the sanctifier part and I think my wife would be offended at it. It may be appropriate for 2000 years ago but definitely not today. My wife is as much my teacher as I am hers.
I got wet eyes when at the end of the book he told the story of his own mother and father
Its a short audio book so I'll listen to it again
I cant claim to be an expert on marriage. I just lucked out and married an angel who loves me so much and is so devoted and loyal and capable I cant help but return her love and thank God for her .
We live a very tough life on this farm and I could not ask for a better life partner.
I will say that i have found it helpful to develop telepathy with her . Sending each other love mentally so we can communicate in non verbal ways things that are to deep for words . I also find that the closer we get to God the closer we get to each other .
However I don't like some of the anti feminist sentiment under the sanctifier part and I think my wife would be offended at it. It may be appropriate for 2000 years ago but definitely not today. My wife is as much my teacher as I am hers.
I got wet eyes when at the end of the book he told the story of his own mother and father
Its a short audio book so I'll listen to it again
I cant claim to be an expert on marriage. I just lucked out and married an angel who loves me so much and is so devoted and loyal and capable I cant help but return her love and thank God for her .
We live a very tough life on this farm and I could not ask for a better life partner.
I will say that i have found it helpful to develop telepathy with her . Sending each other love mentally so we can communicate in non verbal ways things that are to deep for words . I also find that the closer we get to God the closer we get to each other .
November 28, 2023
Three Principles that will help your marriage, what a great need. Tony Evans explores the topics of Savior, Sanctifier, and Satisfier. He uses Ephesians 5 as a core passage to share these truths about God's intention of marriage. The truths Pastor Evans shares is easy to understand as well as practical. Applying these principles will strengthen the family unit and one's marriage. Four stars is the best rating that I can give. While God does use marriage to point one to Himself, this book can leave one with a sense of weight as if it all depends upon ourselves. We are not to be our spouse's savior, Jesus. We can not sanctify anyone, the Holy Spirit can and does. We cannot and will not satisfy anyone, only God can.
May 26, 2011
Good good stuff! Premise: Men are to be the savior, sanctifier and satisfier for the wife.
February 5, 2018
Although this book is a super quick read, I think its important to brush up on principles like this. Everyone knows that being married is a full time job. Its our job to continually improve our ability to communicate and relate. It sounds easy, but most of the time it is not.
February 8, 2019
Dr. Tony Evans is many things: Pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship Church in Dallas [Texas], president of The Urban Alternative, chaplain of the Dallas Mavericks, father of gospel recording artist Anthony Evans, radio program host, etc. One thing not always mentioned as one strives to understand who this man is--a married man!
This book shares 3 principles [& roles] for loving one's wife:
1-As Savior
2-As Sanctifier
3-As Satisfier
Now, obviously, Christians are not meant to be the Savior. However, Evans argues, we need to love our wives as Christ loves the church: sacrificially! [See Ephesians 5]
God uses this lifestyle to help sanctify our wives as well. [See Ephesians 5 as well]
As Satisfier, Evans uses some of Gary Chapman's material from 1 Peter 3 and "The Five Love Languages" in order to help remind/teach us to connect with our wives in ways she NEEDS, not how we necessarily want. 2 things stuck out from this principle as to how to discern if husbands are on the right track:
1) Ask her how you're doing!
2) Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side list all the ways your wife serves you. On the other, write down how we serve our wives. IF our wives are out-serving us, we might need to question whether or not we are living the servant lifestyle God is calling us to live.
A final thing that stuck out to me is a story told in which the custom many years ago was that a man had to pay his future wife's father in cows for her hand.
A man in this country had two daughters. One was young and beautiful, and the other was older and haggard looking. The father heard that a rich man in town was coming to select a wife from among his daughters and was bringing his cows with him. The father smiled inwardly as he thought of the high price that his young, beautiful daughter would bring, for he had no doubt that the rich man would choose her.
So the rich man came bringing ten cows, which was far above any amount that had ever been paid for a bride in that place. The father told the younger daughter to get herself ready, but to everyone's surprise the man chose the older, very plain daughter and paid her father ten cows for her.
Some time later, the father went to visit his daughter and her husband, and was amazed at what he saw. This was not the haggard daughter he had given away. She was beautiful and radiant. When he asked her what had happened, she said, "When I saw how much I was valued in the eyes of my husband, I decided to start looking and acting like a ten-cow woman." (58)
The rest of the book delves into some information about The Urban Alternative that he started in order to build up urban communities in need. Check it out if you can!!!
This book shares 3 principles [& roles] for loving one's wife:
1-As Savior
2-As Sanctifier
3-As Satisfier
Now, obviously, Christians are not meant to be the Savior. However, Evans argues, we need to love our wives as Christ loves the church: sacrificially! [See Ephesians 5]
God uses this lifestyle to help sanctify our wives as well. [See Ephesians 5 as well]
As Satisfier, Evans uses some of Gary Chapman's material from 1 Peter 3 and "The Five Love Languages" in order to help remind/teach us to connect with our wives in ways she NEEDS, not how we necessarily want. 2 things stuck out from this principle as to how to discern if husbands are on the right track:
1) Ask her how you're doing!
2) Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side list all the ways your wife serves you. On the other, write down how we serve our wives. IF our wives are out-serving us, we might need to question whether or not we are living the servant lifestyle God is calling us to live.
A final thing that stuck out to me is a story told in which the custom many years ago was that a man had to pay his future wife's father in cows for her hand.
A man in this country had two daughters. One was young and beautiful, and the other was older and haggard looking. The father heard that a rich man in town was coming to select a wife from among his daughters and was bringing his cows with him. The father smiled inwardly as he thought of the high price that his young, beautiful daughter would bring, for he had no doubt that the rich man would choose her.
So the rich man came bringing ten cows, which was far above any amount that had ever been paid for a bride in that place. The father told the younger daughter to get herself ready, but to everyone's surprise the man chose the older, very plain daughter and paid her father ten cows for her.
Some time later, the father went to visit his daughter and her husband, and was amazed at what he saw. This was not the haggard daughter he had given away. She was beautiful and radiant. When he asked her what had happened, she said, "When I saw how much I was valued in the eyes of my husband, I decided to start looking and acting like a ten-cow woman." (58)
The rest of the book delves into some information about The Urban Alternative that he started in order to build up urban communities in need. Check it out if you can!!!
October 10, 2022
A good book that can help make you a better husband. A key goal is to love and serve our wives as Christ loved and served the Church. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25 Pastor Evans said we need to sacrifice our desires, opinions plans and preferences for our wives. He said God wants you to be a "little Jesus" in your home by the sacrificial way you love your wife. Men are often reluctant to give up their wants and desires for their wives according to Pastor Evans. Sacrifice involves what is best for the other person. He said this can bring great delight because you know that you have brought great joy to your wife.
Pastor Evans said that husbands must die to our plans and preferences to love our wives as ourselves. We can't get the glory of Easter and the resurrection without enduring the cross and dying to yourself. "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 God loved us even when we were not easy to love. It is not always about being right. Jesus took our place and bore the punishment for us even when we were at our most vile. Pastor Evans said God has commanded us to love our wives even when they don't deserve it. It takes Grace. In fact, he said we should love our wives more when they deserve it the least. Pastor Evans said women respond positively to attention, caring and love.
The husband is called to be a sanctifier in the home."To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word"Ephesiand 5:26 It is a process. Pastor Eveans said that many Christian husbands are missing in action. Husbands can open a Bible to help guide our family. "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:28 We are to serve and satisfy our wives. "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."Ephesians 5:31 Pastor Evans said we need to sever any ties that conflict or compete with the marriage. The pastor said that he made a commitment with his wife that the word divorce would not even come up in his house. A key message is that God asks us to be faithful and he will supply what we lack. Pastor Evans said you have a graceful provider in heaven.
Pastor Evans said that husbands must die to our plans and preferences to love our wives as ourselves. We can't get the glory of Easter and the resurrection without enduring the cross and dying to yourself. "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 God loved us even when we were not easy to love. It is not always about being right. Jesus took our place and bore the punishment for us even when we were at our most vile. Pastor Evans said God has commanded us to love our wives even when they don't deserve it. It takes Grace. In fact, he said we should love our wives more when they deserve it the least. Pastor Evans said women respond positively to attention, caring and love.
The husband is called to be a sanctifier in the home."To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word"Ephesiand 5:26 It is a process. Pastor Eveans said that many Christian husbands are missing in action. Husbands can open a Bible to help guide our family. "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:28 We are to serve and satisfy our wives. "husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."Ephesians 5:31 Pastor Evans said we need to sever any ties that conflict or compete with the marriage. The pastor said that he made a commitment with his wife that the word divorce would not even come up in his house. A key message is that God asks us to be faithful and he will supply what we lack. Pastor Evans said you have a graceful provider in heaven.
October 24, 2022
Outstanding read!
This book is a must read for married people,(especially those with troubled marriages), those who are engaged to be married, and singles who are trying to learn about marriage. Tony Evans breaks down the scriptures regarding the leadership of the husband and gives the practical how to on achieving this in a fashion that is God pleasing. This book is a perfect companion for the books For Married Women Only, and Marriage Matters, both by Tony Evans. This book is very suitable for mens, women's, singles and couples group studies. It's a great learning tool, incorporating Biblical principles, scriptural references and examples of practical application of scripture as well.
This book is a must read for married people,(especially those with troubled marriages), those who are engaged to be married, and singles who are trying to learn about marriage. Tony Evans breaks down the scriptures regarding the leadership of the husband and gives the practical how to on achieving this in a fashion that is God pleasing. This book is a perfect companion for the books For Married Women Only, and Marriage Matters, both by Tony Evans. This book is very suitable for mens, women's, singles and couples group studies. It's a great learning tool, incorporating Biblical principles, scriptural references and examples of practical application of scripture as well.
July 17, 2025
The truth here is simple and straightforward and incredibly hard to swallow. The marriage relationship asks more of us than any other. For me, reflecting on what a husband is called to before God feels especially complicated at this point. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I could ever be good at giving enough of myself to him to be able to fill this role. I don’t know how one could expect to do it without daily committing the decision to Jesus rather than the spouse.
April 5, 2020
Growing in Marriage
This was an affirmation of what I have been doing as a husband. I have areas to grow ,physical touch and pastoring at home. Leading my family to Christ,by example.
Great read will recommend to new married couples, those considering marriage those already married.
This was an affirmation of what I have been doing as a husband. I have areas to grow ,physical touch and pastoring at home. Leading my family to Christ,by example.
Great read will recommend to new married couples, those considering marriage those already married.
January 16, 2023
Great advice for every husband who wants a robust marriage
As a husband and man, I have to admit that we have no way to build a robust marriage unless we follow God’s prescription for success. This booklet is concise and precise to explain how a husband should love his wife according to Scripture. This is a must-read!
As a husband and man, I have to admit that we have no way to build a robust marriage unless we follow God’s prescription for success. This booklet is concise and precise to explain how a husband should love his wife according to Scripture. This is a must-read!
March 28, 2021
Aunque es una lectura corta , es muy concisa en cuanto a su contenido. Lo recomiendo para todo aquel que quiera crecer como hombre y convertirse en un líder de su hogar ( como está establecido en el modelo bíblico).
September 26, 2021
Wonderful message explaining not just how but why to truly love your wife.
Tony Evans breaks it down and explains the why's of how we are to love our wives according to God's plan. Highly recommend for all husband's to read whether you are a Christian or not.
Tony Evans breaks it down and explains the why's of how we are to love our wives according to God's plan. Highly recommend for all husband's to read whether you are a Christian or not.
May 24, 2024
Es justo el libro que todo esposo debe leer.
Es justo el libro que todo esposo debe leer, nos enseña a imitar el carácter de Cristo, su obra en la cruz, amor y misericordia para aplicarlo con nuestras esposas.
Es justo el libro que todo esposo debe leer, nos enseña a imitar el carácter de Cristo, su obra en la cruz, amor y misericordia para aplicarlo con nuestras esposas.
May 11, 2017
This is by far the most impactful and challenging book a husband can read. If you truly desire to be a godly husband then this a key guide to put you on that path.
September 27, 2017
Very challenging. Couldn’t put it down.
September 3, 2018
Men, You Should Read This
From the pen of one of America's foremost preachers, this short book on marriage will help men become better and more satisfied husbands.
From the pen of one of America's foremost preachers, this short book on marriage will help men become better and more satisfied husbands.
December 6, 2018
Found this on Audible & the message to married women. I shared it with my husband. Definitely blessed me & as an author, encouraged & confirmed my ministry to women on manhood & womanhood.
Read
November 1, 2019Short. Compact. Solid. I'll have to read it again, with a note pad, very soon.
May 25, 2020
Game changer
Thank you Dr.Evans for explaining the biblical role of the husband in such a comprehensible and powerful way. God bless you!
Thank you Dr.Evans for explaining the biblical role of the husband in such a comprehensible and powerful way. God bless you!
October 11, 2023
For Married Men Only
Men can be oblivious and somewhat lazy at times. The most romantic man can become lazy once she says “I do.” This novella is a reminder to married men on what their responsibilities are to not only their wife, but Christ himself.
While only 78 minutes, this book is really well done. It’s a very helpful reminder of what men should be doing for their wives. I feel this should be a resource for every married or soon to be man.
Content warning: none
Men can be oblivious and somewhat lazy at times. The most romantic man can become lazy once she says “I do.” This novella is a reminder to married men on what their responsibilities are to not only their wife, but Christ himself.
While only 78 minutes, this book is really well done. It’s a very helpful reminder of what men should be doing for their wives. I feel this should be a resource for every married or soon to be man.
Content warning: none
February 24, 2024
3.5 ⭐
I have so much love for Dr. Tony Evans. I really love his sermons and books. Unfortunately, I wasn't entirely convinced that husbands can sanctify and satisfy their wives.
Hence, the 3.5 stars!
I have so much love for Dr. Tony Evans. I really love his sermons and books. Unfortunately, I wasn't entirely convinced that husbands can sanctify and satisfy their wives.
Hence, the 3.5 stars!
December 19, 2023
Just finished listening to this book. Not very long, and had some good bits. I thought there was possibly a decent amount of eisegesis taking place. Anyways, pretty solid overall.
2.5 stars
2.5 stars
October 8, 2016
Every man should read this book... And then read it again.
Every woman should have their husband read this book more than once.
Every woman should have their husband read this book more than once.
January 27, 2022
A book that every husband must read.
Open your hard and take time to read this book, you won’t regret it. Thank you Dr Tony Evans for your words.
Open your hard and take time to read this book, you won’t regret it. Thank you Dr Tony Evans for your words.
June 12, 2023
Small book I listened to this morning on my walk and quiet time. Great reminder that the Bible says a man “should love his wife as Christ loved the church”.
Savior (tricky word) but in a giving up self for the wife.
- Sacrifice - give up your own wants/needs for hers
- Suffering - love her even when it’s hard and she not deserving
- Substitute - stand in, take the bullet when things are tough
Sanctifier - where is your wife getting spiritual needs met?
- shepherd - leading the family, protecting from the world
- teacher/coach - planning, correcting, leading
- spiritual conduit - praying with and for, encourage abd nourish
Satisfier - provide for her deepest needs
- whoever loves his wife, loves himself
- study her - do you know her needs? Her wants? Fears?
- serving her - do you provide what you “think” she needs? Or what she needs?
- listen - shut up and listen, try to understand without thinking of the solution
( - score - Evans says keep score and make sure you’re ahead, but I think we should not keep score, in fact that is one of our biggest hot buttons is who does more. Needs sacrifice not a scorekeeper.)
Sustenance- provide what she needs:
- affirmation
- quality time
- small gifts to let her know you thinking of her
- acts of service - dishes , laundry, clean house
- physical touch
“Hard to follow a parked car” - lead your wife and your family!
Savior (tricky word) but in a giving up self for the wife.
- Sacrifice - give up your own wants/needs for hers
- Suffering - love her even when it’s hard and she not deserving
- Substitute - stand in, take the bullet when things are tough
Sanctifier - where is your wife getting spiritual needs met?
- shepherd - leading the family, protecting from the world
- teacher/coach - planning, correcting, leading
- spiritual conduit - praying with and for, encourage abd nourish
Satisfier - provide for her deepest needs
- whoever loves his wife, loves himself
- study her - do you know her needs? Her wants? Fears?
- serving her - do you provide what you “think” she needs? Or what she needs?
- listen - shut up and listen, try to understand without thinking of the solution
( - score - Evans says keep score and make sure you’re ahead, but I think we should not keep score, in fact that is one of our biggest hot buttons is who does more. Needs sacrifice not a scorekeeper.)
Sustenance- provide what she needs:
- affirmation
- quality time
- small gifts to let her know you thinking of her
- acts of service - dishes , laundry, clean house
- physical touch
“Hard to follow a parked car” - lead your wife and your family!
February 19, 2016
I read this book because I needed to read a book geared towards men for a reading challenge. Although it's geared towards men, there were some helpful reminders for me as a wife such as the fact that we need to sacrifice and put our spouses needs before our own needs. We all need a servant's heart.
February 4, 2013
Great book that brings to light some great ideas that we married men can all use.
I enjoyed a book like this, because it challenged me and it was written with a very easy language that every one can understand. I really like Tony Evans books and booklets.
I enjoyed a book like this, because it challenged me and it was written with a very easy language that every one can understand. I really like Tony Evans books and booklets.
May 1, 2014
Head on
I believe pastor Evans not just taught the men in this great book ok k but also the women. this is a must read for every man. the basic core of learning ho we to lead.
I believe pastor Evans not just taught the men in this great book ok k but also the women. this is a must read for every man. the basic core of learning ho we to lead.
September 15, 2019
Good quick read with some interesting feedback
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews