The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time

by Lawrence G. Lovasik

Kindness counts. If you have trouble acting with the consistent kindness our Lord expects, your relationships with God and those you love may be suffering. Probably you just can't find the time and can't ever seem to develop the patience that you need in order to be consistently kind amid the irritations that afflict you daily. That's why this book is such a godsend. There's nothing complicated or magical about learning to be kinder; it just takes greater attention to the things that you do and how you do them. The Hidden Power of Kindness shows you how to become more aware of even your most offhand daily actions. You'll find simple, step-by-step, and spiritually crucial directions for how to overcome the habitual unkindnesses that creep undetected into the behavior of even the most careful souls. If you want to make progress in the spiritual life, you can't afford to miss the bracing insights in this handbook for souls who yearn to be kinder. They'll give you years of solid help in overcoming sin so that you'll live more fully with others and truly transform your corner of the world! You'll -Four ways you can become more considerate . . . immediately!
- why it's your spiritual responsibility to show it to others and five ways you can start doing so
-Three things to do and three things you must not do in order to grow kinder quickly
-Four surprising reasons why it's spiritually dangerous to criticize others
-Three sure-fire remedies to eliminate sinful anger from your life
-Seven ways you can turn to your own spiritual benefit the wrongs that others do to you
-Six ways you can find and root out the hidden envy that may be choking your spirit right now
-And much more to help you grow kinder and holier!
-Practical step-by-step instructions for overcoming all forms of unkindness and meanness

Genres: Catholic, Spirituality, Self Help, Religion, Nonfiction, Faith, Christian

246 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1999

About the author

Fr. Lawrence Lovasik, SVD attended primary school at Saint Clement School before continuing on to Divine Word minor seminary and college in Girard, Pennsylvania. He graduated in 1931.

Father Lovasik then entered the Divine Word Major Seminary in Techny, Illinois, where he graduated in 1938. After completing his theological studies at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome, Father Lovasik was ordained a missionary priest of the Society of the Divine Word on August 14, 1938.

Father Lovasik spent several years as a teacher and Prefect of Seminarians for the Society of the Divine Word. For over forty years, he preached parish missions throughout the Eastern United States and conducted retreats throughout the world.

In 1954, Father Lovasik founded the Sisters of the Divine Spirit, a missionary congregation of women religious. In 1967, he founded the Family Service Corps, a secular institute devoted to charitable work for the sick, elderly and needy.

Father Lovasik said his life's ideal was to make God more known and loved through his writings. He published more than 30 books and over 75 pamphlets including prayer books, Bible stories for children, lives of the saints, and catechisms.

Father Lovasik retired from missionary work in 1982.

Reviews

[Dominika · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can see how this book might tempt some people to scrupulosity but I wish I had read it much earlier. It delivered some hard truths that I needed to hear 😅

[Karina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm on page 32, and I'm not sure about this book. It purports itself as a practical guide, but I haven't come across a single practical advice yet. It's all words, words, words... Describing what kindness is, how it helps -- just I guess trying to motivate you to be kind. But I can't read more than a few pages at a time, and after reading them I recall nothing of essence. It's a bit frustrating that I can't focus on it: I was hoping it will get better...

The most significant part so far that kind of starts getting at what to actually do was on page 12:

Don'ts:

1. Don't speak unkindly of anyone.
2. Don't speak unkindly to anyone.
3. Don't act unkindly to anyone.

Dos:

1. Do speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Do think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Do act kindly toward someone at least once a day.

For any unkindness committed:

1. Make a brief act of contrition, such as "My Jesus, mercy!"
2. Offer an apology, if possible.
3. Say a little prayer - such as "Bless N., O Lord" - for the one to whom you have been unkind.

The author is definitely well-intentioned, and has made me think about what I'm doing. One day I noticed how unkind I was towards someone, whereas before reading this book I wouldn't have given it a second thought. In fact, when I related the story to a couple of friends, they saw nothing wrong in my actions (the other person was in the wrong more, but I think that it started with my unkindness).

I haven't finished - had to return the book to the library. may be I'll try it some other time, and may be I'll be more receptive then.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh boy. I don't know where to start. KINDNESS is my word of the year this year. I really took my time and read this book slowly. As I flipped through it after I finished, there is not a SINGLE page where I did not underline something. I made a LOT of notes in the margins (mostly, OUCH and BAM). As soon as I finished it, I flipped it over to begin reading it again. I plan to read some of this book every single day this year. This book pulls no punches. I thought it would be more of "here's how to be kind" - but way before you get to the kind deeds section, it spends the first 2/3rd of the book examining you, yourself = Your thoughts, jealousies, pride, sarcasm, biting words, etc. Anyone who is serious about pursing holiness should read this book. There was not a single page where I did not feel both challenged and convicted. It is not all doom and gloom, however. He is very encouraging as he prompts me to really examine myself and my motivations. He often quotes Scripture, and gives good and thoughtful reflections about the life of Jesus. I am glad I purchased the hard copy of the book, as I had so many notes to take in the margins.

Updated to add (8/19):
I just finished my second read through of this book. It still packs a punch. I can't read a single page without having to stop and examine myself, my motives, and the many ways I fail to love. It is such an encouraging book - giving us numerous examples of how kindness makes a true difference in individual lives, and in the world.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I must say this is quite possibly the best, most practical, and useful book on the spiritual life I have ever read... And I will read it again, over and over! So many suggestions on how to practice charity towards others, as Christ commands. I can't express how helpful and enlightening this book has been for me. It even has an 'examination of conscience' at the end, which is very helpful for preparing for the sacrament of confession. Love, love, love this book... Read it!!

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

My friend Jeanne bought this book when we were together. As I was convicted of my lack of kindness shortly thereafter, I asked her to let me read it first. (She is already very kind and doesn't need to read this book!)

This book was comparable to sitting with a wise old person who just tells you how to think and live in order to be more kind. The three concentric circles are kind thoughts, words, and deeds. I have already noticed my mind and heart becoming more disciplined to think kindly and also to want to think more kindly! And the fruit of those thoughts is speech and actions that bless others.

I copied many passages into my journals as I was reading this book. Here is an example of the gentle exhortational style: "Faithful, self-forgetting service, love that spends itself over and over, is the secret of true happiness. Happiness is a mosaic composed of many smaller stones. The little acts of kindness, the little courtesies, are the things that, added up at night, constitute the secret of a happy day. Try to make at least one person happy every day. Every morning build a booth to shelter someone from life's fierce heat. If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word. if you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought. Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime!"

[Erik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rather like The Lord by Fr. Romano Guardini, I found this book to be in some ways simple yet, when taken as whole, a real treasure trove. I guess that is what it feels like when you confront the Truth. The book was broken down with many individual headings, each section spending just a paragraph or so on one key attribute, like "Avoid false cheerfulness" or "Recall your own faults". Many seem obvious, but with each suggestion following one after the other, each with detail on how this brings us closer to God, the result is a message with serious weight. It is full of well-organized, eminently practical advice aimed at the highest of goals.


Included in the "Spiritual Reading" section of Fr. John McCloskey's 100-book Catholic Lifetime Reading Plan.

Listed by Patrick Madrid in the Reading Plan of Search and Rescue in Phase 1 (Preliminary). ("masterpiece of practical wisdom on everyday acts of virtue")

Used as resource for weekly segment on Gary Zimak's Following the Truth podcast

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, if you are looking for a way to transform your life, here it is. If you are looking for a book that will enable you to do a thorough examination of your conscience when it comes to loving yourself (yes, we are SUPPOSED to love ourselves...) and your neighbor, here it is. If you are looking for the key to virtuous living, this book contains it!! The advice/counsel that Father Lovasik gives is not at all smarmy, warm fuzzy kind of stuff which one might suspect given the paltry meaning we attach today to the word "kindness". Be prepared--if you are honest, you may be surprised by how unkind you really are...! But half the battle is recognizing our faults, then we can, with God's grace and a dash of determination, really do something about the way we think and live.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't recommend this book enough.

Very convicting but much needed. We live in a time where so much division and harsh words are being said online or in person. The power of kindness and courtesy will change those around us as we are being transformed more and more to be like Christ

[Miguel Morgado Simões · Rating 5 out of 5]

“O pecador não necessita de ser julgado, mas de receber misericórdia e amabilidade. A amabilidade converteu mais pecadores do que o zelo, a eloquência ou a sabedoria. A menos que sejas um sacerdote no confessionário, não podes pronunciar uma só palavra que redima o pecador da sua miséria espiritual, mas contas com o poder do teu modo amável de falar. Uma palavra oportuna, proferida com prudência e afecto, tem um poder extraordinário. E dispões também da silenciosa - mas ainda mais eloquente - linguagem do bom exemplo que fala mais alto que as palavras. Finalmente, contas com as poderosas palavras da oração, com as quais podes salvar as almas dos seres humanos obtendo-lhes a graça da conversão.”

[Mary Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Started this on audio back in august. I have the book too. I remember the first time I read the book I thought I was a kind person and quickly realized I was not!! A friend told me about the audio version and I really liked listening on audio. This is an eye opening and inspiring book that’s worth a yearly read.

[Jill M. Kruta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will forever be one of my favorite books! A Christian "self improvement, self purifying, self examination, self striving book! This is a deeply thought provoking and sometimes painfully eye opening look into our human nature.

[Renata Vilela Kalil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilhante!!! ✨✨✨✨✨ Muita sabedoria, linguagem simples, aplicações práticas…Esse é um livro que gostaria de ler várias vezes de novo!!! Recomendo demais para todas as pessoas!!!!

[Marie Vandenberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

The hidden power of kindness is one of those books that everyone can learn something from. I would recommend this book.

[Vanessa Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book to start the year! It made me more aware of how easy it is to be unkind especially with the people closest to you. It's easy to justify losing your patience and forgetting how important kindness is. I appreciated the emphasis on kind thoughts. This book provides a great examination of conscience.

[Zach Teske · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read, period.

[Valerie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a Catholic version of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Much of the same information but sanctified. :)

Some notes:
One of the simplest ways of gaining goodwill is by remembering names, and making people feel important.

By losing charity, you lose your highest possession – the virtue by which you become like to God.

To do good to others in the hope that, in turn, our Lord will be good to you is a supernatural motive, even if it is self-centered. To do good to others with the consciousness that Christ ask it of you is less egotistic. To do good to others because you are convinced that Christ will consider it as having been done to him personally is a sign of pure love of God. To do good to others because thereby you can please God, and you want to give him the best you can, is perfect love of God.

Look for happiness, not in selfishness, but in self denial.

Saint Teresa said, “I have never known real sorrow from the day I decided to serve with all my power, my Lord and divine consoler.”

Saint Thérèse wrote, “from the moment I began to forget myself, I led the happiest life possible.“

St. John Vianney said, “we must ask for the love of crosses and then they become sweet. I experienced this myself. I have been slandered. I have had crosses. I have had almost more than I could bear. I began to ask for the love of crosses; then I was happy. I said to myself, ‘therein alone is found peace, happiness.’”

Strength of character means the ability to give to others from motives of love, kindness, and humanity, and to do so gracefully.

Strengthen your soul by the exercise of virtue.

Become a member of the apostate of smiling

Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus wrote, “If, when I desire to increase in my heart love of my neighbor, the demon tries to sit before my eyes the faults of one or other of the sisters, I hasten to call to mind her virtues, her good desires. … What appears to me a fault may in truth be an act of virtue by reason of the intention.”

Ask our Lord, who is all-knowing and understanding, to help you to look for the good and others; to teach you to overlook, for the most part, the merely human element and others, for most sins are due to frailty, rather than malice.

If you do not remain close to God, you will find yourself gradually becoming more and more attached to the things of the world.

Anger is an injustice, often an unconscious injustice against God himself, who is infinite goodness. This every lack of charity of an angry man is also a lack of love toward God.

Irritability is immaturity of character.

Anger is overcome by meekness. Far from weakness, it takes the very strength of God to be meek.

There is a distinction between feelings of anger and the sins of anger. Feelings of anger are not sinful in themselves.

There are three remedies against anger: 1. diversion: check anger immediately by diverting your mind to some other object, and do not speak a word. 2. Prayer: only God can restore peace to your soul. 3. Counter attacks: should you feel anger has already gained a foothold, do whatever you can to regain your composure. Then endeavour to make acts of humility and kindness toward the person with whom you are irritated.

The pride of life manifest itself at times in your life in the form of impatience and anger with those around you.

If you want a strong character, never compromise with any fault.

When you are tempted to be angry, repeat the invocation: Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine.

Aversion is an unexplainable feeling of dislike or distaste for a person.

It is not a sin to experience such emotions. But it is sinful to give away to them.

It is never hypocrisy to hide one’s baser emotions.

The big test of true charity in your life is your attitude and habitual conduct toward those whose personalities awaken in you a reaction of aversion.

Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly.

In relationships, try to develop a forgetful spirit, insofar as past injuries are concerned. This will enable you to be more charitable in your judgements about others.

A persons interior and exterior life arises and takes shape from his silent world of thought. You were silent thoughts are like roots of a plant. They remain hidden in the dark recesses of the Earth, but from them stems the whole plant. So too, your thoughts, although hidden, are your real, vital force.

Humility holds in check your inordinate striving for greatness and esteem. It is an indispensable prerequisite for genuine charity.

One of the most attractive features of holiness is to combine suffering with gentleness. This demands that suffering be almost wholly influenced by supernatural grace.

Make an effort to hide your pains and sorrows. The very darkness within you should create a sunshine around you.

Kindness is the eye that overlooks someone’s broken Gateway, and instead sees the rose that blossoms in his garden.

Judge a man, not by his failures, but by what he makes of them.

You are charitable when your first principal is to cause others as little pain as possible. This is considerate love

“Bear one another’s burdens” refers to patience.

What the apostle calls a burden, Christ describes as a cross.

Saint Francis DeSales: men must have patience with one another, and the bravest are those who put up the best with the imperfections of their fellow men.

When it pleases God to permit you to labour under the cloud a false suspicion, false judgment, calumny, or distraction, try to see God‘s permission of the happening.

Concentrating on wrongs done to you generally impresses the undesirable facts more deeply on your memory. Complete abandonment to God and trust in his providence form the most worthy procedure for your soul.

Do not talk the matter over with others except for the purpose of getting direction to make virtue out of necessity

Justice will prevail. God will right all wrongs, if not in this life, then surely at the last judgment.

You need God‘s grace to make any difficulty a means of greater personal holiness. Prayer secures that grace. You can conquer anything with God‘s grace, but nothing without it.

To comfort a human heart is a holy service and a sacred duty.

Character is formed and influenced in the world of your thoughts. If you are a master in your thoughts, you are master everywhere. If you have learned to control your thoughts, you have yourself completely under control.

By cultivating, kind thoughts, you are in a very special way, preparing for heaven.

Your vocation in life is doing your own task well.

Be convinced of the principal that you are what you are before God, no more and no less.

You are practising virtue if you suppress bitter feelings, not only in the presence of the people you dislike, but in their absence as well.

Cursing is an insult to one’s dignity as a human being.

The best remedy for harsh, angry words is silence.

If you bruise the heart of anyone, you hurt Christ, since what is done to your neighbour is done to him.

Make a resolution that you will never consciously give pain to anyone

Benjamin Franklin: I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.

Do not condemn him, but try to understand him. This is a sign of wisdom intolerance

Love silence as one of the great helps to avoid sin, to safeguard virtue, and to grow in close union with God. Silence is the language of God – sanctity’s mother tongue.

A person’s character seems to be fully revealed in the exercise of his authority. You cannot help revealing greatness or smallness, selfishness, or considerateness, by the way you treat those who are made subject to you.

If you are strong of character, you will always be simple and unassuming, no matter what authority you bear. To be strong of character means that you will recognize your weaknesses, no matter how much authority you possess.

Most quarrels result from a misunderstanding.

Saint Augustine: we are what our works are. According as our works are good or bad, we are good or bad; for we are the trees, and our work the fruit. It is by the fruit that one judges the quality of the tree.

Cowardice is being afraid of what people will say.

The object of all love is the good of the one loved. The object of love of God is the honour and glory of God; the object of love of neighbour is the spiritual and temporal welfare of your fellow men, and, through that, the honour and glory of God. You must love your neighbour for God’s sake.

If circumstances do not permit you to deal with many souls, be devoted to the few that a loving providence has placed near you.

The constant exercise of thinking kindly and excusingly of those who annoy or cross or pain you will put you well on the way to lessening your faults against charity. And overflowing surplus of charitable thoughts will make you more charitable in word and act.

St. John Climacus: every creature is a ladder to raise us to God.

Kind actions teach you to be generous and making sacrifices.

Happiness is a mosaic, composed of many smaller stones. The little acts of kindness, the little courtesies, are the things that, added up at night, constitute the secret of a happy day.

Try to make at least one person happy every day.

Saint Catherine of Genoa: if men only knew in what manner our Lord will reward in the other world the good we do here, our understanding, our memory, and our will would be occupied only with good works, no matter what it might cost to perform them.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can honestly say that this book can change your life. The step by step guidance will actually mold you into a kinder person. Every sentence was an obvious piece of work for the author, for no word seems out of place. Concepts are repeated and repeated, but for a purpose. If Lovasik only said certain ideas once, it wouldn’t stick in our mind.

I will share just one of my favorite ways of being kind: practicing silence. If we only could be silent half the time that we say hurtful things, this world would be a better place. Since reading this, I have been practicing using silence throughout my conversations and I can protest that it has greatly improved the way my conversations go.

I don’t have many complaints, other than the fact that this book made me realize that I truly wasn’t as kind as I thought. It will challenge your thinking and reveal to you your true character. I am so thankful that I was able to read this amazing piece of literature.

[Lori Kalodimos · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really great so far. The virtue of kindness, and the habit of responding to situations in the kindest way, is something worth striving for. More kindness makes the world a better place. Even one act of kindness for one person transforms.
If we would and could all try to add kindness to our actions, life would be sweeter for all.
Keep at it friends!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book on kindness will altar your life and change it forever. You will learn just how much you are not kind, and how much pride, selfishness, and rudeness, you have. I highly recommend this book to you because it will touch your heart, hopefully. This book made me realize how much I am not kind to everyone everyday.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This functions as and provokes a lengthy examination of conscience. It initially feels a little strange because of this structure. It lacks a "story" in a sense. But it's packed with insightful meditations that really challenged me to analyze my own thoughts, words, and actions.

[Lene Jaqua · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this years ago and remember it fondly. It is time to read it again.

I remember one quote from there that stood with me. Something to the effect of 'each act of kindness helps restore the balance between right and wrong in the world.'

[Jon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very convicting and motivating book on how Kindness can change peoples lives!

[Meredith Henning · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read snippets of this throughout the year too! I really wish I could be as kind as he suggests, I'm trying...

[Colleenduggan]

The book changed my life...if I would only implement it.

[Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for redirection and reaffirmations

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book for meditation during adoration...which is where I read it years ago!

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some valuable lessons to be learned. I now have to put them into practice ;-)

[Meow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read each section, meditate on it, practice it. Go through the book like this, then start all over again. Challenging, transforming, brings happiness. Top reading for any human being.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book everyone should read!

[Amy Gieser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book!! My new favorite spiritual book that I haven’t been able to say enough every time I tell someone about it. Don’t judge it by the title which doesn’t do it justice. This is much more than practicing a virtue. It’s more like how to be a true Catholic like the early Christians! Fr Lovasik shows how to do each thing and why you need to if you don’t want to end up like this or that. He lifts the scales of your eyes and shows you how you must be. This is a must read and even a must buy because it will be worth going back to again and again to refresh. Like any spiritual book it takes a little resolve to pick up instead of a fun fiction book, but it is very easy to read and can keep you going on for more once you do.