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The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy
The Bible is well-known for its wisdom on spiritual concerns and righteous living. But did you know it can also guide you in matters of dating, courtship, and marriage? "Based on what God knows about us," says Tommy Nelson, "He has provided an instruction manual in the Song of Solomon with eight very enlightening, explicit, and highly practical chapters on the topics of love, sex and intimacy." Wise and engaging, The Book of Romance digs deep into the Song of Solomon and what it says about the Bible's most passionate lovers. As you learn about their relationship, you'll discover how you, too, can experience the deep emotional, sexual, and spiritual satisfaction that God created to be enjoyed in marriage.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published November 13, 1998
63 people are currently reading
498 people want to read
About the author
Tommy Nelson
96 books34 followersTommy Nelson has served as the pastor of Denton Bible Church, located in Denton, Texas, since 1977. He is also a best-selling author (The Book of Romance, Better Love Now, A Life Well-Lived) and popular national marriage conference speaker. Nelson holds degrees in education and biblical studies and has been married to his wife Teresa for more than thirty years.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
April 26, 2011
I never knew the Song of Solomon was so explicit. I knew it spoke of a woman's body, but how good it was for a married couple to look to for great advice on sex in the marriage. Many Christians feel they can't do certain things once they are married and they loose all romance. God created sex and created it to be good for husband and wife to enjoy. I recommend this book for people who are dating, courting, engaged and married.
February 11, 2024
What a book. A real eye opener and leg closer👍
October 1, 2022
I've had this book sitting on my shelf for years and finally decided to read it. My initial reason for picking it up was that I've studied Song of Songs from an academic and symbolic perspective, and I was curious to read someone's views on it as a model for Christian relationships. While some of Nelson's analysis of Song of Songs was interesting, I struggled seeing how some of it related to the points he was trying to make.
My overall impression of this book is that it's a fairly standard late '90s/early 2000s courtship culture book, but with the added dimension of celebrating sex in the context of marriage. This book does have some good advice and feels a bit more balanced than similar books I've read, but for me it still strays way too far into generalizations (e.g. men are highly sexual; women don't struggle with lust) and some potentially dangerous stereotypes (e.g. men as predators, women as prey). I could not recommend this book.
My overall impression of this book is that it's a fairly standard late '90s/early 2000s courtship culture book, but with the added dimension of celebrating sex in the context of marriage. This book does have some good advice and feels a bit more balanced than similar books I've read, but for me it still strays way too far into generalizations (e.g. men are highly sexual; women don't struggle with lust) and some potentially dangerous stereotypes (e.g. men as predators, women as prey). I could not recommend this book.
September 15, 2017
I really enjoyed this book! It's not really a very good exposition of the Song of Solomon, but it is filled with lots of Biblical, pastoral advice for those who are married, soon to be married, or hope to be married. I highly recommend it.
January 13, 2024
God wrote the Songs of Solomon as a metaphor for His love for us, but also as a practical tool to see how godly relationships between a man and a woman should form. Thankful for the vision that God is giving me over time of what this looks like. I'm continually learning to set my sights upon the right things in purity but also in searching for the right woman.
Thought it was interesting in how he identifies dating and courtship as two different levels, one as "marketing" and the other as "potential sale to close".
Incredible stats give wisdom to future relationships:
80% of relationship in which couples lived together without marriage vows ended in separation
60% of those married by justice of peace are divorced later
40% of those married in churches eventually divorce
.09% (1/1050) of those who read their Bibles together daily divorce
and so much more... praise God.
Thought it was interesting in how he identifies dating and courtship as two different levels, one as "marketing" and the other as "potential sale to close".
Incredible stats give wisdom to future relationships:
80% of relationship in which couples lived together without marriage vows ended in separation
60% of those married by justice of peace are divorced later
40% of those married in churches eventually divorce
.09% (1/1050) of those who read their Bibles together daily divorce
and so much more... praise God.
June 9, 2017
Loved this book!
This book would make a great graduation gift with good Christian concepts in selecting a spouse, but also as a wedding gift that a newlywed couple should read together. Tommy Nelson uses the Song of Solomon as the perfect guide in a relationship from the courtship stage to full commitment stage in a marriage!
This book would make a great graduation gift with good Christian concepts in selecting a spouse, but also as a wedding gift that a newlywed couple should read together. Tommy Nelson uses the Song of Solomon as the perfect guide in a relationship from the courtship stage to full commitment stage in a marriage!
May 15, 2018
I only read the first half this time around. This is a must read for my children when they begin to date. Tommy does a fantastic job of talking though the difficult issues of dating and offering very sound advice on the kind of person one should be looking for in a dating/marriage relationship.
May 21, 2019
3.5 I loved this book when I was younger but as I’ve grown in my faith and seek to apply biblical knowledge I don’t like this book so much the second time. If you’re looking to begin studying biblical marriage and sex in extent, this might be a good place to start.
February 29, 2024
This is the only book about the Song of Solomon that I have read. I liked that it’s an analysis of the Song as ancient Hebrew poetry and explains the imagery for our modern American culture and also suggests applications within a marriage. The Song of Solomon makes so much more sense to me now.
March 3, 2019
Excellent take on a difficult book of the Bible!
April 21, 2021
Nelson gives some great advice, but I am giving this only 3 stars because it advertises as a study of Song of Solomon but that is not true. It uses the text, but it mostly just good advice.
January 4, 2022
Amazing book! As a single man this helped set some personal goals toward a great relationship.
September 2, 2023
A different take on how we’re called to love romantically through lens of Solomon
December 30, 2013
The book is Tommy Nelson's take on the Song of Solomon. I've been around Tommy Nelson's Book of Romance for a long time. I went to a Song of Solomon conference in college and then we did his video series in a young married Sunday School class at church. However, this is the first time I've read the book. I actually came away from the book a little discouraged, especially in the first half. The way I read the first half of the book (which is primarily focused on dating through engagement) was that if you argued and weren't perfect around each other 99% of the time, then it is not God's intention for you to get married. I most enjoyed the chapter on resolution of conflict. I felt like the second half of the book was better and more uplifting, but the first half really bothered me. Overall, I think this book is best suited for a college aged single/dating person. Nearly half of the book is focused on pre-marriage and would be more suited for someone that isn't married.
Best quotes of the book:
p. 10 - "The best way for I know for you to discern character is to observe what happens to that person when 'pressed.'"
p. 14 - "[Young people] are ready to date when they are ready to begin the process of choosing someone to marry or when they have convictions they will not compromise.
p. 29 - "My advice to men is that they never win an argument. Do so and lose a mate."
p. 59 - "An admission of one's foibles, flaws and past sins is almost like a vaccination - it keeps your beloved from being surprised if those aspects of your personality and history crop up later."
p. 88 - "Planned Parenthood has determined from its polls that only 5% of the women who seek their services have ever had a parental conversation about sex."
p 97 - "Only the holy and selfless can truly be great lovers."
p. 106 - "Good marital conflict leads to resolution and greater closeness. Bad marital conflict presses for victory, which leads to alienation and the potential for revenge."
p. 132 - "Marital disagreements, arguments, and conflicts are inevitable. Why? Because marriage vows do not erase differences in individual personalities, opinions, ideas, and past histories."
p. 141 - "Never start an argument after ten o'clock at night."
p. 161 - "Early on, it was your instinct to be romantic. Later it must become a discipline."
p. 168 - "Show me a man who can go home from work to a wife who is pure and holy before God, and who gives him refreshment and joy, and I'll show you a man who is eager to get home!"
p. 170 - "My home is wherever my wife happens to be at the time."
p. 171 - "Show me a woman who feels that her husband deals with her tenderly - with kindness, good manners, generosity, genuine affection, and understanding - and I'll show you a happily married woman, regardless of external circumstances that may come against their union or family."
p. 183 - "We've come a long way when we (kids) no long wonder what a dad does, but where a dad lives."
Best quotes of the book:
p. 10 - "The best way for I know for you to discern character is to observe what happens to that person when 'pressed.'"
p. 14 - "[Young people] are ready to date when they are ready to begin the process of choosing someone to marry or when they have convictions they will not compromise.
p. 29 - "My advice to men is that they never win an argument. Do so and lose a mate."
p. 59 - "An admission of one's foibles, flaws and past sins is almost like a vaccination - it keeps your beloved from being surprised if those aspects of your personality and history crop up later."
p. 88 - "Planned Parenthood has determined from its polls that only 5% of the women who seek their services have ever had a parental conversation about sex."
p 97 - "Only the holy and selfless can truly be great lovers."
p. 106 - "Good marital conflict leads to resolution and greater closeness. Bad marital conflict presses for victory, which leads to alienation and the potential for revenge."
p. 132 - "Marital disagreements, arguments, and conflicts are inevitable. Why? Because marriage vows do not erase differences in individual personalities, opinions, ideas, and past histories."
p. 141 - "Never start an argument after ten o'clock at night."
p. 161 - "Early on, it was your instinct to be romantic. Later it must become a discipline."
p. 168 - "Show me a man who can go home from work to a wife who is pure and holy before God, and who gives him refreshment and joy, and I'll show you a man who is eager to get home!"
p. 170 - "My home is wherever my wife happens to be at the time."
p. 171 - "Show me a woman who feels that her husband deals with her tenderly - with kindness, good manners, generosity, genuine affection, and understanding - and I'll show you a happily married woman, regardless of external circumstances that may come against their union or family."
p. 183 - "We've come a long way when we (kids) no long wonder what a dad does, but where a dad lives."
May 6, 2019
The title of the book "What Solomon Says About Love..." is why I picked up the book. However, if you want to know the answer to what that book of the bible says about love, don't read this book to find out.
My goodness, this entire book was clearly written on the opinion of the author (who self describes on back insert as "a dynamic teacher and communicator of God's Word") while working backwards into scripture when it may fit into his speech he wants to give to young people. Great, if you want some random dude's opinion on the relationships, this is the book for you. If you want to read a guy tell a story about how a lady can't do handwork like her mother cause she is dyslexic, this is a book for you (and yes, if you are confused, it's because those 2 things have nothing to do with each other).
It is actually infuriating, the times he does use scripture, he often is bending it to his will, as opposed to teaching from it. On top of that, he will have several key points in each chapter, many of which have no reference or connection to Song of Solomon.
Another interesting feature of this book: legalism. Apparently the reader of this book is supposed to be perfect and therefore expect perfection in a future spouse (self righteous much?). Fortunately the author reminds us how he found a woman that is perfect. Phew, what a relief, I was afraid he might share something real from human lives, but thankfully he has tons of pitiful spouses that have come for counseling that he can tell their terrible stories while making sure to wink and nod throughout the book that him and his wife long since perfected dating, courtship and marriage.
If this wasn't enough to induce nausea for you, he also has killer advice throughout built on his amazing life and observations (don't worry the Bible won't be involved, would hate for that to happen). One of my personal favorites was his advice to observe a future dating prospect and study her. Go to places she will be at and ask her friends about her. He further advises to do this part slowly as it is akin to laying kindling for a fire. You know it's like they always say, don't bother talking to someone, be sure to creep and stalk instead. Amazingly, one chapter later and exhorts the audience to focus on communication in an early relationship.
Anyways, my conclusion was this guy, according to his book, has a borderline mega church in Texas. I shouldn't be surprised. If you wonder how Joel Osteen has 60k+ attending his weekly service, it's because he has convinced everyone that all it takes to be a Christian is to bow your head and pray for 5 seconds one time in church. I'm sure this idiot subscribes to the same philosophy cause he certainly doesn't take any time to let his unchecked opinions be influenced by the Bible, unless of course it already fits into his own worldview and narratives. Otherwise he disregards it, much like you should do with this book
My goodness, this entire book was clearly written on the opinion of the author (who self describes on back insert as "a dynamic teacher and communicator of God's Word") while working backwards into scripture when it may fit into his speech he wants to give to young people. Great, if you want some random dude's opinion on the relationships, this is the book for you. If you want to read a guy tell a story about how a lady can't do handwork like her mother cause she is dyslexic, this is a book for you (and yes, if you are confused, it's because those 2 things have nothing to do with each other).
It is actually infuriating, the times he does use scripture, he often is bending it to his will, as opposed to teaching from it. On top of that, he will have several key points in each chapter, many of which have no reference or connection to Song of Solomon.
Another interesting feature of this book: legalism. Apparently the reader of this book is supposed to be perfect and therefore expect perfection in a future spouse (self righteous much?). Fortunately the author reminds us how he found a woman that is perfect. Phew, what a relief, I was afraid he might share something real from human lives, but thankfully he has tons of pitiful spouses that have come for counseling that he can tell their terrible stories while making sure to wink and nod throughout the book that him and his wife long since perfected dating, courtship and marriage.
If this wasn't enough to induce nausea for you, he also has killer advice throughout built on his amazing life and observations (don't worry the Bible won't be involved, would hate for that to happen). One of my personal favorites was his advice to observe a future dating prospect and study her. Go to places she will be at and ask her friends about her. He further advises to do this part slowly as it is akin to laying kindling for a fire. You know it's like they always say, don't bother talking to someone, be sure to creep and stalk instead. Amazingly, one chapter later and exhorts the audience to focus on communication in an early relationship.
Anyways, my conclusion was this guy, according to his book, has a borderline mega church in Texas. I shouldn't be surprised. If you wonder how Joel Osteen has 60k+ attending his weekly service, it's because he has convinced everyone that all it takes to be a Christian is to bow your head and pray for 5 seconds one time in church. I'm sure this idiot subscribes to the same philosophy cause he certainly doesn't take any time to let his unchecked opinions be influenced by the Bible, unless of course it already fits into his own worldview and narratives. Otherwise he disregards it, much like you should do with this book
April 17, 2013
Tommy Nelson pulls from God’s Word and his own experiences with marital counseling to share the truth about God’s ideals for dating, marriage, and intimacy. Drawn primarily from the Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) and enhanced with other biblical passages, The Book of Romance looks at several practical questions for single and married people in the church today:
When should I start dating?
What’s the big deal about sex before marriage?
When/do you share those dark secrets from your past?
How do you know if the person you’re dating is really the right person for you?
What is God’s plan for sex inside marriage?
How do you resolve conflict?
How do you keep the flame of romance ignited?
How do you show love to your spouse in a way they can appreciate?
What does God say about divorce?
If any of these questions interest you, then consider The Book of Romance for your home library.
Readability:
The Book of Romance is written in simple terms anyone can understand. Tommy Nelson sprinkles real life examples into the text to engage the reader and bring practical examples to the points he is trying to convey.
Suggested Audience: Teen and older (PG-13)
Sex is discussed in general terms, not in detail.
Recommended for:
• Teens that are ready to consider dating.
• Parents of teens.
• Single men and women.
• Married men and women.
• People separated or contemplating divorce.
• Divorced adults ready to date again.
Not recommended for:
Anyone who is looking for a line-by-line explanation of the Song of Songs. While The Book of Romance does bring in the text and discuss it, it is not a commentary or exposition.
When should I start dating?
What’s the big deal about sex before marriage?
When/do you share those dark secrets from your past?
How do you know if the person you’re dating is really the right person for you?
What is God’s plan for sex inside marriage?
How do you resolve conflict?
How do you keep the flame of romance ignited?
How do you show love to your spouse in a way they can appreciate?
What does God say about divorce?
If any of these questions interest you, then consider The Book of Romance for your home library.
Readability:
The Book of Romance is written in simple terms anyone can understand. Tommy Nelson sprinkles real life examples into the text to engage the reader and bring practical examples to the points he is trying to convey.
Suggested Audience: Teen and older (PG-13)
Sex is discussed in general terms, not in detail.
Recommended for:
• Teens that are ready to consider dating.
• Parents of teens.
• Single men and women.
• Married men and women.
• People separated or contemplating divorce.
• Divorced adults ready to date again.
Not recommended for:
Anyone who is looking for a line-by-line explanation of the Song of Songs. While The Book of Romance does bring in the text and discuss it, it is not a commentary or exposition.
June 6, 2011
Tommy Nelson is one of my all time favorite teachers! I was first exposed to his expository style in college at Campus Crusade for Christ conferences. His study of Solomon is so good, I had already heard it twice while single and then newly married, I took my husband to hear him teach it again. This book is a great representation of his talks, which are probably available for purchase somewhere online. UPDATE: The Podcasts for this study are available for FREE under Denton Bible Church on itunes. But if you ever get the chance, hear him speak in person or podcast his church- Denton Bible Church in TX. I would highly recommend this book for any young single adult or newly married couple. This book highly impacted my life, my marriage, and even the type of church I attend today (with a strong emphasis on exegesis and expository style Bible teaching).
May 27, 2008
I just started this book this afternoon.
I wish I had started it five years ago. Actually, even twelve years ago it could have had a huge impact on my life.
I highly recommend it to all of you. Yes, you. Male, female; young, old, single, married, dating, divorced, widowed...
If you asked me what are the key elements of our marriage, the list I'd have given is pretty close to this book's ideas. No coincidence that my husband read it shortly before we got engaged. I am so thankful he did. And now, that I am.
I wish I had started it five years ago. Actually, even twelve years ago it could have had a huge impact on my life.
I highly recommend it to all of you. Yes, you. Male, female; young, old, single, married, dating, divorced, widowed...
If you asked me what are the key elements of our marriage, the list I'd have given is pretty close to this book's ideas. No coincidence that my husband read it shortly before we got engaged. I am so thankful he did. And now, that I am.
February 1, 2009
This is a special book to me for many reasons. I read this book while in college and for the first time I realized that the God that I loved created sex and it was a beautiful and wonderful thing- not a sin like I had thought or a "naughty" word. I used this book and accompanying study guides to teach a class with young women in my youth group while in college and it was a really awesome study. We all benefited from learning from Scripture and this study. It talks about what God says about sex and how wonderful it can be within the covenant of marriage.
January 11, 2011
This book/study has a special place in my heart since it was the first study that my husband and I completed together with a small group of couples when we were in college 12 years ago. I knew what Song of Soloman was about, but didn't really read it and understand it until this study helped open my eyes to true Godly romance. I appreciate how the Bible and Mr. Nelson make this study applicable to any stage of a relationship. We still make mention of this study and we've been married for 10 years.
May 12, 2011
I thought this was a very good book. It's almost a commentary on song of solomon. He goes all the way through the book (S.S.) and does a pretty good job of explaining it. Although, there ARE other interpretations and he didn't mention those. I also was surprised by his conflict resolution chapters that I didn't know were in the book of romance. Very interesting. Overall, a very good read. I would recommend to others and probably re-read or go back and check out my highlights.
June 5, 2014
WomanofGod24
WomanofGod24
This book was excellent! It's so deep and well written! I read it with a group of women for a women's Bible Study and it was great to get to read a book of the Bible that I have never read before and have a book that explains what I'm reading. I didn't agree with a few points Tommy Nelson has in here, but that can be so with any Bible Study that uses a study book along with the Bible. I highly recommend this book!
WomanofGod24
This book was excellent! It's so deep and well written! I read it with a group of women for a women's Bible Study and it was great to get to read a book of the Bible that I have never read before and have a book that explains what I'm reading. I didn't agree with a few points Tommy Nelson has in here, but that can be so with any Bible Study that uses a study book along with the Bible. I highly recommend this book!
November 30, 2009
There are so few resources out there dealing with the Song of Solomon and Tommy Nelson provides one of the best here. Although it falls short of the connectiveness in Video Series, Tommy still brings a practical application and human interest aspect to the lessons it contains. Highly recommended - especially for those contemplating marriage.
February 15, 2009
It's good to know that the Bible has a SEXY and STEAMY side to it, and this book lets you know straight up! It truly breaks down dating, selecting significant others, SEX, and finding "the one" in terms of its relationship to being a Christian. It's a HOT book!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 14, 2013
Good content in a kind of rambly package. I think It'd be worth perusing through again in a later season of my life. Not totally applicable to me right now, but good content. It's also nice there are accompanying podcasts
July 28, 2016
Such a great document and further guide for everything associated with ever-changing periods concerning your significant other. Spritually enlightening and straightforward, a true book that every christian should pick up, regardless of what phase your relationship happens to be in.
Read
June 28, 2007This book was quite interested and was recommended by me to many clients in counseling whether they were married or not.
August 2, 2016
Rated: B
Tommy Nelson's classic commentary on the Book of Solomon and what God's word reveals about true love.
Tommy Nelson's classic commentary on the Book of Solomon and what God's word reveals about true love.
June 4, 2008
This was incredible! Loved how he explains each and every part of dating, engagement, marriage. . . and keeping your marriage alive. Also bought the DVD series and have been watching them! GREAT
December 28, 2015
Good book that really tells the truth about dating, courtship, and marriage using the awesome Song of Solomon from the Bible to draw out the truth about love.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews