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Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived
Can a woman who never learned to stand up for herself find the courage to speak up for her son?
Karen is a happily married, slightly frazzled working mother of two when her eight-year-old son, Matthew, develops a strange eye-rolling tic.
Over the next three years, Matthew's tics multiply. He becomes clumsy and lethargic, a gifted program dropout. Karen repeatedly tries to get her husband and the pediatrician to open their eyes, but she is too full of self-doubt, too compulsively agreeable to tear off their blinders.
Exhausted and full of despair, Karen crumples to the bathroom floor one night, wondering if she has the will to carry on. But she must persevere. Who else will fight for her son?
Matthew finally receives a horrifying diagnosis. He is expected to "bounce back," however, convincing Karen that the battle is over. But the pain drags on, and she discovers just how weak-and then exactly how strong-she is.
Ultimately, decades after their saga began, it is Matthew who teaches Karen the true meaning of growth.
An intimate look into the life of a people-pleaser and an exploration of the challenges of motherhood, Growth poses the question: What happens when the most important job in the world demands more than you have to give?
Karen is a happily married, slightly frazzled working mother of two when her eight-year-old son, Matthew, develops a strange eye-rolling tic.
Over the next three years, Matthew's tics multiply. He becomes clumsy and lethargic, a gifted program dropout. Karen repeatedly tries to get her husband and the pediatrician to open their eyes, but she is too full of self-doubt, too compulsively agreeable to tear off their blinders.
Exhausted and full of despair, Karen crumples to the bathroom floor one night, wondering if she has the will to carry on. But she must persevere. Who else will fight for her son?
Matthew finally receives a horrifying diagnosis. He is expected to "bounce back," however, convincing Karen that the battle is over. But the pain drags on, and she discovers just how weak-and then exactly how strong-she is.
Ultimately, decades after their saga began, it is Matthew who teaches Karen the true meaning of growth.
An intimate look into the life of a people-pleaser and an exploration of the challenges of motherhood, Growth poses the question: What happens when the most important job in the world demands more than you have to give?
- GenresMemoir
267 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 2, 2023
5 people are currently reading
131 people want to read
About the author
Karen DeBonis
1 book20 followersHello reader!
I’m glad you clicked here so I can give you some background to my story. I started writing my memoir in 1999, two years after my son Matthew was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Fast forward over 20 years, and in May 2023, Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain tumor They Survived will become real. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, only better.
I write about motherhood, people-pleasing, and personal growth, and my work has appeared in the New York Times, HuffPost, Newsweek.com, Today.com, AARP, and numerous literary journals. Whether I’m writing or pursuing other creative outlets, I relish my hard-won empty nest in upstate New York with Michael, my husband of forty years. Growth is my debut memoir. You can read more here: www.karendebonis.com.
I’m glad you clicked here so I can give you some background to my story. I started writing my memoir in 1999, two years after my son Matthew was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Fast forward over 20 years, and in May 2023, Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain tumor They Survived will become real. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, only better.
I write about motherhood, people-pleasing, and personal growth, and my work has appeared in the New York Times, HuffPost, Newsweek.com, Today.com, AARP, and numerous literary journals. Whether I’m writing or pursuing other creative outlets, I relish my hard-won empty nest in upstate New York with Michael, my husband of forty years. Growth is my debut memoir. You can read more here: www.karendebonis.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
February 13, 2023
"Growth" is not just another book about a mother helping her sick son, but also about a son helping his sick mother find herself.
Seeking answers as to why her young son, Mathew, displays tics and memory difficulties, Karen DeBonis’s concerns are continually dismissed by doctors, neighbors, school admins, and other mothers. Karen knows something’s “wrong” with Mathew, but a lifetime of near-pathological “people-pleasing” has left her unable to effectively advocate for her son; I wanted them to like me.
Mathew’s pediatrician (the same one who intimates at one point that Karen might have Munchausen’s Syndrome) eventually agrees to do an MRI, the results of which show Mathew to have a growth on his brain. With I-told-you-so empowerment, Karen is able to become the She-Bear her son needs her to be.
Karen’s book is a beautifully written page-turner that feels like a conversation between friends. Her adept use of metaphor and scene description brings her story to life... About her loving but somewhat dismissive husband, Karen writes: I allowed Mike to push the tic oddity to the recesses of his subconscious, to let it be a pen that rolled under the stove, there but forgotten.
I highly recommend Growth and look forward to reading more of Karen DeBonis’s writing in the future!
Seeking answers as to why her young son, Mathew, displays tics and memory difficulties, Karen DeBonis’s concerns are continually dismissed by doctors, neighbors, school admins, and other mothers. Karen knows something’s “wrong” with Mathew, but a lifetime of near-pathological “people-pleasing” has left her unable to effectively advocate for her son; I wanted them to like me.
Mathew’s pediatrician (the same one who intimates at one point that Karen might have Munchausen’s Syndrome) eventually agrees to do an MRI, the results of which show Mathew to have a growth on his brain. With I-told-you-so empowerment, Karen is able to become the She-Bear her son needs her to be.
Karen’s book is a beautifully written page-turner that feels like a conversation between friends. Her adept use of metaphor and scene description brings her story to life... About her loving but somewhat dismissive husband, Karen writes: I allowed Mike to push the tic oddity to the recesses of his subconscious, to let it be a pen that rolled under the stove, there but forgotten.
I highly recommend Growth and look forward to reading more of Karen DeBonis’s writing in the future!
April 17, 2023
This book is crisply written and a page turner. I expect that anyone dealing with the challenges of mothering a child with differences, or anyone frustrated by navigating our complicated healthcare syetem will see themselves in this book. As a physician, I highly recommend reading this as a helpful example for advocating for your loved one. Although the author sees herself as someone who could have done better to advocate for her son, I see her as the person who got everyone else to listen. She is a warrior. And a damn good writer.
August 15, 2024
In Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived, Karen DeBonis takes us along on a journey both surprising and relatable. Many will recognize her desire to raise a family with the husband she loves, the unexpected challenges motherhood brings, and the stress that results when life doesn’t go as planned. She takes us along on a journey all her own, however, when her eldest son begins exhibiting strange behaviors—tics and decreased coordination among them—and she is launched into a years-long battle to unearth their cause. Along the way, DeBonis gradually faces her own lifelong people-pleasing qualities and other ways she’s learned to cope, which she comes to understand have never served her.
Written in concise, engaging prose, Growth is a story of perseverance and love, one that will give so many of us hope that we, too, can overcome life’s most daunting challenges. Highly recommend you pick this one up.
Written in concise, engaging prose, Growth is a story of perseverance and love, one that will give so many of us hope that we, too, can overcome life’s most daunting challenges. Highly recommend you pick this one up.
April 20, 2023
I was lucky to be given an advance copy of Karen's book and read it in one sitting--I couldn't put it down! Karen has written something so raw and honest that I feel is only the tip of the iceberg concerning mothers everywhere. While the story is about the terrifying, frustrating, and exhausting years of raising a child who is suffering, it is her self-exploration that is so compelling and relatable. In the end, she emerges richer because of her experience. And so do we.
April 24, 2023
As an RN and a parent who spent weeks living in a hospital room with my child, I found this memoir so relatable it was, at times, painful to read. Karen Debonis has written a compelling story reminding parents that we are our children’s best advocates. This book is a must-read for parents, educators, and health care providers.
February 11, 2023
I was given an Advanced Reader Copy. Beautiful storytelling. I’m a better person for having read this book.
May 6, 2023
In this emotional memoir, Debonis’ clear prose reflects the challenges many parents face in finding answers and help for neurodiverse family members. It is harrowing now. It was nearly impossible then (1980s). A meaningful side story is the excellently described (but not overstated) imbalances in emotional labor and workforce absences working women face. This book is about much more than than it appears. Readers will find an exploration of modern parenting and self-discovery. I received an advanced copy. This is my honest review.
July 1, 2023
TAPPING HER STRENGTH TO SAVE HER CHILD
"I'd do anything for my child," we tell ourselves, imagining external threats from bullies at school to wild beasts on the hiking trail. For Karen DeBonis, being her son's champion meant giving up her most self-destructive habit: pleasing other people whatever the emotional cost. She'd never been one to argue with doctors and therapists. To keep the peace at home, she'd bite her tongue. But when young Matthew developed troubling symptoms--tics, lethargy, extreme clumsiness at sports--expert after expert either told her not to worry or gave a diagnosis that defied the evidence of her senses. Not even her husband was in her corner. Unable to watch her child suffer, Karen did for Matthew what she had never done for herself. She asked tough questions, challenged authority, persisted in the face of condescension.
The title GROWTH plays on words, referring both to Matthew's affliction, a benign brain tumor, and Karen's transformation. First-time author DeBonis has a gift for vivid scenes that drew me into the story. I was with her when she watched her son struggle to keep up with his teammates, when one of countless experts suggested she had Munchausen syndrome (a mental illness involving falsified or exaggerated symptoms), when Matthew told her that he wanted to die. My own child has been spared grave illness, yet in Karen's wildly frustrating quest to do right by Matthew, I recognized moments in which I feared that I was failing as a mother.
Much more than a story of illness met and and managed (if not quite overcome), GROWTH is at its core about love between a mother and her son. Matthew's brain will always function differently from the norm, but that's a fact, not a personal quality, and facts do not make a story. DeBonis portrays her son as a fully rounded and endearing character whose gentleness, tenacity and commitment to independent adulthood made me cheer for him--and for them both.
I hope we've heard the last of "Karen" as a label meaning "prissy, privileged, entitled white woman." Such women do exist, but the Karen who tells this tale isn't one of them. She could be your sister, your colleague, your friend, the cashier who remembers your name--any mother trying to do her best and afraid it's not enough. She could be you, especially if you have one of those kids whose second home is the principal's office and whose report cards say "not working to potential." After everything she's learned about Matthew and herself, Karen still worries that she could and should have been more proactive. I don't agree and yet I'm not surprised. She's a mother, after all. As long as motherhood is veiled in the myth of unblemished, all-knowing love, guilt will be part of the deal.
"I'd do anything for my child," we tell ourselves, imagining external threats from bullies at school to wild beasts on the hiking trail. For Karen DeBonis, being her son's champion meant giving up her most self-destructive habit: pleasing other people whatever the emotional cost. She'd never been one to argue with doctors and therapists. To keep the peace at home, she'd bite her tongue. But when young Matthew developed troubling symptoms--tics, lethargy, extreme clumsiness at sports--expert after expert either told her not to worry or gave a diagnosis that defied the evidence of her senses. Not even her husband was in her corner. Unable to watch her child suffer, Karen did for Matthew what she had never done for herself. She asked tough questions, challenged authority, persisted in the face of condescension.
The title GROWTH plays on words, referring both to Matthew's affliction, a benign brain tumor, and Karen's transformation. First-time author DeBonis has a gift for vivid scenes that drew me into the story. I was with her when she watched her son struggle to keep up with his teammates, when one of countless experts suggested she had Munchausen syndrome (a mental illness involving falsified or exaggerated symptoms), when Matthew told her that he wanted to die. My own child has been spared grave illness, yet in Karen's wildly frustrating quest to do right by Matthew, I recognized moments in which I feared that I was failing as a mother.
Much more than a story of illness met and and managed (if not quite overcome), GROWTH is at its core about love between a mother and her son. Matthew's brain will always function differently from the norm, but that's a fact, not a personal quality, and facts do not make a story. DeBonis portrays her son as a fully rounded and endearing character whose gentleness, tenacity and commitment to independent adulthood made me cheer for him--and for them both.
I hope we've heard the last of "Karen" as a label meaning "prissy, privileged, entitled white woman." Such women do exist, but the Karen who tells this tale isn't one of them. She could be your sister, your colleague, your friend, the cashier who remembers your name--any mother trying to do her best and afraid it's not enough. She could be you, especially if you have one of those kids whose second home is the principal's office and whose report cards say "not working to potential." After everything she's learned about Matthew and herself, Karen still worries that she could and should have been more proactive. I don't agree and yet I'm not surprised. She's a mother, after all. As long as motherhood is veiled in the myth of unblemished, all-knowing love, guilt will be part of the deal.
June 4, 2023
Karen DeBonis’s engaging memoir, Growth: A Mother, Her Son and the Brain Tumor They Survived is a story many women will relate to, especially those of us who grew up believing that in order to be liked, we had to present agreeable personas. Yet, when Karen’s eight-year-old son, Matthew, first exhibits a change in his behavior, she comes to the realization it’s difficult to remain agreeable and silent in the face of an uphill battle. As Karen tries to figure out how to help her son and find answers that will explain why Matthew’s “sharp-as-a-knife brain lost its edge,” she must figure out how she’s going to handle the dismissive attitudes of the doctors and other professionals.
As Matthew’s social interactions and thought processes falter, and doctors try to pinpoint exactly what is wrong with him, Karen finds herself challenged in a multitude of ways. The story progresses and readers follow the frustration and effects of misdiagnoses. I was in the middle of the story when I found myself nodding along in agreement. I, too, had to deal with similar challenges when my daughter was diagnosed with her disability.
In my opinion, the title, Growth perfectly illustrates how the author herself grew along with her son’s brain tumor. Karen learned to become more self-assertive and achieve more confidence in her ability to speak up because she was forced to advocate for her son. Those readers who haven’t had to face this type of challenge will still be able to relate to the universality of a mother’s love and desire to protect her child.
I highly recommend this book!
As Matthew’s social interactions and thought processes falter, and doctors try to pinpoint exactly what is wrong with him, Karen finds herself challenged in a multitude of ways. The story progresses and readers follow the frustration and effects of misdiagnoses. I was in the middle of the story when I found myself nodding along in agreement. I, too, had to deal with similar challenges when my daughter was diagnosed with her disability.
In my opinion, the title, Growth perfectly illustrates how the author herself grew along with her son’s brain tumor. Karen learned to become more self-assertive and achieve more confidence in her ability to speak up because she was forced to advocate for her son. Those readers who haven’t had to face this type of challenge will still be able to relate to the universality of a mother’s love and desire to protect her child.
I highly recommend this book!
April 20, 2023
Growth is a compelling, poignant, and heartbreaking memoir, and I was happy to receive an ARC (advanced reader copy) prior to its publication date. First, I want to establish that you do not need to be a parent to enjoy this book. I have no children and was still engrossed in the story.
The author's journey with her son gives a glimpse into the complex and broken health care system we must learn to navigate in order to receive care in the U.S. Karen demonstrates how to circumvent obstacles and advocate for her family amid uncertainty and denials from doctors, gaining confidence in herself over time.
Karen's words often resonated with me and spoke to my fears as someone hesitating over whether to become a parent. "Other moms appeared to take all this in stride—sports, childhood bumps and bruises, the demands of motherhood, even the worrying. I wasn't cut from that cloth. Motherhood was too hard, like trigonometry or physics, and I wanted to quit." I'm so glad I read this book because it also prepared me for some of the challenges that could lie ahead.
Growth is an engaging and beautifully written story that left me with an overwhelming feeling of hope. I think you'll like it too!
The author's journey with her son gives a glimpse into the complex and broken health care system we must learn to navigate in order to receive care in the U.S. Karen demonstrates how to circumvent obstacles and advocate for her family amid uncertainty and denials from doctors, gaining confidence in herself over time.
Karen's words often resonated with me and spoke to my fears as someone hesitating over whether to become a parent. "Other moms appeared to take all this in stride—sports, childhood bumps and bruises, the demands of motherhood, even the worrying. I wasn't cut from that cloth. Motherhood was too hard, like trigonometry or physics, and I wanted to quit." I'm so glad I read this book because it also prepared me for some of the challenges that could lie ahead.
Growth is an engaging and beautifully written story that left me with an overwhelming feeling of hope. I think you'll like it too!
July 6, 2025
Growth is not just a memoir, it’s an intimate invitation into one mother’s fierce, courageous fight for her son and, along the way, for herself. Karen DeBonis writes with remarkable clarity and compassion, chronicling the emotional rollercoaster of parenting a child through complex medical and educational challenges.
What makes this book so powerful isn’t just the medical journey, it’s Karen’s unfiltered honesty about the toll it took on her identity, her relationships, and her deeply ingrained people-pleasing tendencies. Her vulnerability creates a profound sense of connection, reminding every reader that finding your voice, especially as a mother, isn’t just brave, it’s necessary.
This is a story of resilience, advocacy, and personal transformation. Karen’s writing is both tender and tenacious, gracefully balancing heartbreak with hope, frustration with determination, and sorrow with triumph.
Growth will resonate deeply with parents navigating similar challenges, women learning to speak up after a lifetime of silence, and anyone who has ever faced a system stacked against them. It’s a memoir that lingers long after the last page, an inspiring testament to the power of persistence and the beauty of finding your voice.
What makes this book so powerful isn’t just the medical journey, it’s Karen’s unfiltered honesty about the toll it took on her identity, her relationships, and her deeply ingrained people-pleasing tendencies. Her vulnerability creates a profound sense of connection, reminding every reader that finding your voice, especially as a mother, isn’t just brave, it’s necessary.
This is a story of resilience, advocacy, and personal transformation. Karen’s writing is both tender and tenacious, gracefully balancing heartbreak with hope, frustration with determination, and sorrow with triumph.
Growth will resonate deeply with parents navigating similar challenges, women learning to speak up after a lifetime of silence, and anyone who has ever faced a system stacked against them. It’s a memoir that lingers long after the last page, an inspiring testament to the power of persistence and the beauty of finding your voice.
February 16, 2023
Growth is beautiful, brave, and full of heart.
As an oncology nurse, I was immersed in the author’s intensive search for answers to explain why her son’s energy, physical stamina and performance, and thought processes were decompensating as he grew older. It was heartbreaking (and a very compelling read) as the healthcare providers focused on mental illness and ignored Matthew’s physical clumsiness, temperature dysregulation, and extreme fatigue. The length it took to get a diagnostic MRI is baffling (3 years!) and the persistence and determination of the author are admirable. The healthcare system can be a powerful deterrent to self-advocacy. Even if it wouldn’t change the outcome or Matthew’s functional status in the long term, the stress and uncertainty (all the while knowing something was wrong) had to have taken an enormous toll. “Growth” shows how the narrator grew more confident and self-assertive as she learned to advocate for her son.
You don’t need a child with a serious illness to appreciate the intense love and desire to protect your child (and you) from suffering. This feels like a universal truth that many moms both fear and relate to.
As an oncology nurse, I was immersed in the author’s intensive search for answers to explain why her son’s energy, physical stamina and performance, and thought processes were decompensating as he grew older. It was heartbreaking (and a very compelling read) as the healthcare providers focused on mental illness and ignored Matthew’s physical clumsiness, temperature dysregulation, and extreme fatigue. The length it took to get a diagnostic MRI is baffling (3 years!) and the persistence and determination of the author are admirable. The healthcare system can be a powerful deterrent to self-advocacy. Even if it wouldn’t change the outcome or Matthew’s functional status in the long term, the stress and uncertainty (all the while knowing something was wrong) had to have taken an enormous toll. “Growth” shows how the narrator grew more confident and self-assertive as she learned to advocate for her son.
You don’t need a child with a serious illness to appreciate the intense love and desire to protect your child (and you) from suffering. This feels like a universal truth that many moms both fear and relate to.
July 15, 2023
HOPEFUL, COMPELLING, AND POIGNANT STORY
From the title, you know that the child survives the brain tumor. This is the story of the heartbreaking, three-year wait to get a diagnosis and treatment for a child exhibiting behaviors and changes that his mother alone seems to witness. The author takes us into a journey of a parent’s deepest sense that something has gone wrong; yet, fails to push back when the people who could help just don’t believe her. Unflinchingly honest, the story helps us understand the path that made her a people pleaser in extreme. The book has a clear delineation with a “before and after,” and when you get to the part of the story when the fight for answers really begins, prepare to stay up for the rest of the night to finish the book. I did. The book should be required reading for all healthcare providers and teachers, who forgot that parents really do know their own children. Bookclub groups will find plenty to discuss in a story that inevitably touches on so many topics we grapple with: advocating for our children, misogyny, eating disorders, questioning your own ability to speak up. Loved it!
From the title, you know that the child survives the brain tumor. This is the story of the heartbreaking, three-year wait to get a diagnosis and treatment for a child exhibiting behaviors and changes that his mother alone seems to witness. The author takes us into a journey of a parent’s deepest sense that something has gone wrong; yet, fails to push back when the people who could help just don’t believe her. Unflinchingly honest, the story helps us understand the path that made her a people pleaser in extreme. The book has a clear delineation with a “before and after,” and when you get to the part of the story when the fight for answers really begins, prepare to stay up for the rest of the night to finish the book. I did. The book should be required reading for all healthcare providers and teachers, who forgot that parents really do know their own children. Bookclub groups will find plenty to discuss in a story that inevitably touches on so many topics we grapple with: advocating for our children, misogyny, eating disorders, questioning your own ability to speak up. Loved it!
May 21, 2023
Growth is an an engaging read. DeBonis does a good job describing the challenges she faces raising a neuro-diverse child in the face of a medical establishment that frankly has to go through a lot of trial and error when it comes to treating neurological conditions. This aspect resonated loudly with me, as a reader who also has neurological disorder, epilepsy. As the parent of two teens, both of whom have had bumps in the road health-wise, I could also relate to DeBonis's parenting challenges. The book's overall pacing was good - I read through it fairly quickly, as the story is engaging. That said, because the reader knows DeBonis's son will ultimately be diagnosed with a brain tumor based on the title, I was eager to get to that point in the book, which happens more than halfway through. But the slow diagnosis is part of DeBonis's point.
A good read for parents of kids who have had a wide range of health challenges that present with mysteries, especially neurological and mental health issues.
A good read for parents of kids who have had a wide range of health challenges that present with mysteries, especially neurological and mental health issues.
July 12, 2023
When the Weak Show Strength They are Stronger than the Strong
Karen's debut memoir is an absorbing story of two growths, the first is the growth in her son's brain and the second her own growth as a mother who learns that she can speak her mind and advocate for her child. This frank memoir demonstrates that knowing from the start "what happens" has zero impact on the reading experience. I was riveted throughout, wanting to know how bad her son's symptoms would get, when Karen would recognize that she had to fight for her son, when medical professionals would start actually trying to investigate the source of her son's symptoms, and when her husband would wake up and see all that Karen was seeing.
Karen has an engaging and authentic voice and does a beautiful job with characterization. Of course, the most compelling character is her son, Matthew. The reader falls in love with this brave, strong, and driven human and by the end is as proud of him as Karen.
Spoiler: mom and son not only survive, they thrive. They conquer. They inspire!
Karen's debut memoir is an absorbing story of two growths, the first is the growth in her son's brain and the second her own growth as a mother who learns that she can speak her mind and advocate for her child. This frank memoir demonstrates that knowing from the start "what happens" has zero impact on the reading experience. I was riveted throughout, wanting to know how bad her son's symptoms would get, when Karen would recognize that she had to fight for her son, when medical professionals would start actually trying to investigate the source of her son's symptoms, and when her husband would wake up and see all that Karen was seeing.
Karen has an engaging and authentic voice and does a beautiful job with characterization. Of course, the most compelling character is her son, Matthew. The reader falls in love with this brave, strong, and driven human and by the end is as proud of him as Karen.
Spoiler: mom and son not only survive, they thrive. They conquer. They inspire!
July 29, 2023
When I read Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived, I was surprised to see some of myself in the story. Debonis takes an honest look at how her “people pleasing” personality affected not just her own life and agency, but that of her son’s. When her son starts manifesting peculiar behaviors – ticks, a lost in interest in school – Debonis begins a quest to find out what is going on. Every time a door is shut in her face, she takes it like a “good girl’ would. But as her son’s health continues to deteriorate, Debonis begins to come into her own and realizes “people pleasing” isn’t going to help her son. Just like Debonis, I learned to advocate for my children’s health in a way I didn’t know I could. It is a powerful feeling. I enjoyed reading about the son’s trajectory and recovery, and I rooted for Debonis along the way as she conquered the “people pleasing” personality so many women have been brought up in. This is an important book for mothers to read, to see how standing up and speaking out can change our lives and our children’s.
June 1, 2023
In "Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived," Karen DeBonis beautifully writes about the gut-wrenching journey to be heard by the medical establishment when she knew something was wrong with her son. After the author finds her voice over three agonizing years -- and countless misdiagnoses -- proper testing is finally completed, and a growth was found on her son's brain stem. This page-turner (I read it in a few hours one day) covers many topics with unflinching honesty: the inadequacies of our healthcare system, the invisible work women perform in families every day, patient advocacy, people-pleasing (and tending to others before ourselves), and the challenges of navigating work, marriage and well children with the needs of a sick child. This book, like Karen's parenting, is a triumph. I highly recommend it to all parents and any woman struggling to assert her voice after years of "making nice."
July 9, 2023
The title of Karen DeBonis’ memoir, “Growth” says everything. This is a memoir of physical (her son’s brain tumor) emotional (the author’s PPD, post-partum depression) and behavioral (changing ingrained patterns) experiences that contribute to this author’s growth as a mother, wife and advocate. DeBonis has courageously written the sometimes-terrifying thoughts that PPD induces. Her journey of learning to stand up to doctors, to her husband, and to her former self are inspiring. As a woman raised to a be-a-good-girl Catholic, I can deeply relate to the bravery it takes to change ourselves, to confront opposition and to persevere through self-doubt. The visceral frustration of watching DeBonis’ son declining before her, and the reader’s, eyes, and her inability to make demands of their pediatrician dissipates when, after three years, she finds her voice and courageously stands up to get what her son needs. The result is a dreaded diagnosis, but it comes with the hope of recovery, and the reality of watching her son grow to be an fully-functioning adult. This book should be in every children’s hospital’s library!
May 21, 2023
In Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived, Karen DeBonis details her son’s “growth” (tumor) and her own personal growth as she learns to advocate for him. My heart was in my throat as she watched her son’s gradual and confusing decline in grade school. DeBonis knew something unusual was happening for him physically and mentally for long time but it was difficult for her and medical professionals to decipher exactly what it was, amid myriad symptoms and her son’s many strengths. The result: a stretch of misdiagnoses and daily frustrations for the whole family. This book reminds me that both parenting and medicine are imperfect pursuits even with the best of intentions. It also underscores that we can face our worst fears and come out on the other side stronger than we were before. This is a beautiful and inspiring book.
June 1, 2023
How is it that a strong, capable mother finds herself unable to speak up against ‘experts’ in the medical field? In this gripping memoir, Karen describes honestly and sometimes painfully, the struggles and consequences faced by anyone, particularly women, raised to be agreeable and respectful – at the expense of sacrificing their own needs or wants, or those of their family.
This book will resonate with anyone who has, or is navigating raising children with a long-term health condition, or who wants to be able to advocate effectively for themselves or their family. Karen illustrates again and again how listening to that quiet, inner voice we all have and actually trusting it, helps us summon the power to speak up and speak out when it matters.
Karen’s story gives hope and inspiration to us all.
This book will resonate with anyone who has, or is navigating raising children with a long-term health condition, or who wants to be able to advocate effectively for themselves or their family. Karen illustrates again and again how listening to that quiet, inner voice we all have and actually trusting it, helps us summon the power to speak up and speak out when it matters.
Karen’s story gives hope and inspiration to us all.
November 9, 2025
I discovered Karen DeBonis’s beautiful memoir through a mutual friend—and am so grateful that I did. A mother’s account of helping her child navigate a life-altering illness, this story is woven with such grace, never shying away from raw emotion, but never sinking into cloying prose either. As a physician, I especially valued her reflections about how her son himself might be experiencing his health challenges, including her mindfulness to avoid making assumptions and instead to check in with him, pushing him to try to advocate for what he needed even when he couldn’t quite articulate it himself. As a mother, DeBonis conveys such an honest, nuanced blend of self-doubt and self awareness. Timeless and beautifully wrought, Growth could be a balm for any parent helping a child navigate challenges—which is every parent.
June 13, 2023
DeBonis is a self-described people pleaser intimidated by doctors. Yet, she learned the painful lesson of what it means not to speak up and become a victim of medical gaslighting. DeBonis teaches readers a powerful lesson of how one's own life, and the lives of loved ones, may be at stake when we don't listen to our gut and demand answers. DeBonis did, finally, but only after years of not being listened to. It's hard to speak up to white coats. They are supposed to be the experts, right? The are supposed to know better than we do what is best. And yet, a mother's instincts are powerful. DeBonis teaches us to believe in ourselves, no matter who we are talking to, even if it's the experts, because they could be, and often enough are, wrong.
April 25, 2023
This book is honest and revealing. The author, Karen Debonis, says out loud and in print thoughts that many mothers keep safely in their heads. She tells us what she, her son, and family went through as they dealt with changes in her son’s health. Karen’s writing made me feel like I was sitting with her having a heart to heart conversation.
Your heart will ache for them. You will also cheer Karen on as she finds her voice to advocate for her son, Matthew. Every mother, son, and daughter should read this book.
“Most mothers will say the one wish they have for their children is happiness. When that wish comes true, we deserve to claim our joy.”
Your heart will ache for them. You will also cheer Karen on as she finds her voice to advocate for her son, Matthew. Every mother, son, and daughter should read this book.
“Most mothers will say the one wish they have for their children is happiness. When that wish comes true, we deserve to claim our joy.”
July 4, 2024
Any child having a serious illness is heartbreaking. This well-written book is a page-turner as it chronicles the journey of Karen DeBonis and her son Matthew over several years and countless misdiagnoses by the doctors until the right one was finally determined – a tumor on her son’s brainstem – and a successful treatment was reached. Karen is an incredible person who is relatable and honest. When she ran into the brick wall of the medical profession, Karen persisted in asking questions and saved her son. A story of “growth” of the love of a mother and son. An excellent book. Highly recommended. Well worth a few hours of your time.
May 9, 2023
A page-turning memoir about a mother navigating her son’s mysterious symptoms, a flawed healthcare system, and his eventual diagnosis of a brain tumor. After the growth is treated, DeBonis’ real growth begins. She learns who she really is, her strengths and weaknesses, and comes to appreciate the adversity of difficult motherhood that made her a better, more humble, more honest person. My favorite line: “Holding myself accountable is not about guilt but about integrity.” Amen.
June 29, 2023
This is an amazing story of a mother's persistence in defense of her child despite her socialization to always be a "nice girl" and not create a fuss. DeBonis doesn't flinch from dealing honestly with motherhood and its challenges. Nor does she try to paper over her own role in her son's treatment or lack of it.
This book inspires me to stand up for myself. If I don't stand up for myself, I am really of not use to others. Thanks, Karen DeBonis, for your honesty and courage and example.
This book inspires me to stand up for myself. If I don't stand up for myself, I am really of not use to others. Thanks, Karen DeBonis, for your honesty and courage and example.
September 26, 2024
Growth, is a deeply moving memoir. It chronicles the harrowing journey of a mother advocating for her son’s health amidst numerous misdiagnoses. Karen DeBonis’s transformation from a people-pleaser to a fierce advocate is both inspiring and relatable. This book is a testament to the power of perseverance and maternal love. Highly recommended for anyone seeking a story of resilience and personal growth.
May 12, 2023
This beautifully written memoir shares the story of a mother discovering her inner strength as she fights to find out what is wrong with her son. An honest portrayal of her journey as well as her son’s, the author brings readers into her world while also reminding us of the importance of advocating for our loved ones when it comes to their health. Five stars from this reader!
August 13, 2023
I couldn’t put this down! This memoir chronicles a mother’s experience of medical gaslighting and the devastating consequences that could have occurred had she not followed her intuition. This is a story of a woman who learned how to reject people-pleasing to advocate for her own, and her family’s, needs. Such an important, brave, and moving memoir.
September 19, 2023
For a book that tells you what is going to happen right in the title (the memoirist's son develops a brain tumor, and both mother and son survive) this is a real page-turner! The experience of navigating self-doubt and medical misdiagnoses is all too familiar, all too urgent. I am so grateful for this book and the way that it names social problems without condemning people for being people.
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