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Love and War in Intimate Relationships By Solomon Marion F Tatkin Stan
Here two leading therapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to teach readers to help couples regulate each other s emotions maintain secure attachment to each another and foster positive relationships How can couples therapists help de escalate the battles Here two leading therapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to teach readers to help couples regulate each other s emotions maintain their secure attachment and foster positive relationships Seit Grndung der Internationalen Arbeitsorganisation wurde im internationalen ffentlichen Recht eine Vielzahl von bindenden wie nicht bindenden Normen geschaffen die auf die Aufrechterhaltung vor allem aber die Verbesserung der soziokonomischen Lebenssituation des Einzelnen abzielen Claudia Hofmann untersucht anhand des sdafrikanischen Systems sozialer Sicherheit welchen Einfluss diese internationalen Sozialstandards im nationalen Rechtssystem haben Sie verknpft dazu rechts und politikwissenschaftliche Perspektiven und geht folgenden Fragen nach Welche Inhalte internationaler Sozialstandards werden in der sdafrikanischen sozialrechtlichen Gesetzgebung und Rechtsprechung rezipiert Welches sind die zentralen Akteure und relevanten rechtlichen Strukturen in diesem Einflussprozess Welche Theorien beziehungsweise Theorieanstze gibt es im Hinblick auf diesen Prozess The SCM Core Text Theology and Sexuality provides a clear overview of the theological debate surrounding sexuality as broadly understood It gives an outline of the major themes surrounding sexuality in theological perspective focusing on key thinkers concepts and areas of discussion This student friendly textbook is aimed at theology students and ordinands studying at undergraduate level 3 and MA level who are undertaking modules on theology and sexuality gender sex and the human body It is also accessible to Christian clergy and laypeople who wish to engage with issues of sexuali
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First published April 11, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
September 10, 2012
i love reading about attachment theory and related fields of study. i've read a lot of the research, and some of the popularizations, and am particularly fascinated with the application of AT in the work of psychotherapy. and of course, i'm always reading with close attention to how i can apply this knowledge to my own relationships and self-regulation.
my therapist recently recommended this book to me. i'm so glad to learn more about how implicit, neurologically-wired response patterns that were set up in early attachment relationships affect the way we perceive our current relationships. i'm really appreciating this book's focus on the neurobiological dimension of adult attachment, and finding it useful to gain some more specific understanding of the processes involved in nervous system arousal and regulation in a relational context.
thank the gods, we do have plasticity! change is possible, even when early experiences leave us with insecure attachment and relational trauma. in fact, some research cited by Mary Main indicates that five years in a secure adult attachment relationship can bring a person from an insecure state of mind with respect to attachment, into a secure one. the authors integrate information from recent mind-body-brain research, their experience as couple therapists, and the field of attachment studies. they describe in detail interventions that they use, and the rationales behind them, to show how this change process can occur. when partners get real-time experiences of repair, and the awareness of how they trigger each others' unconsciously held, early learned responses, they can begin to change old patterns that cause them to endlessly replicate early attachment wounds.
the authors describe sessions with couples in which they use the AAI to bring forth the partners' attachment histories in each others' presence, and then use this knowledge - along with what they learn by observing the couple in sessions - to educate the partners about how problems arise in each one's response to things like eye contact, approach and avoidance behaviors, meetings and partings, proximity and distance. these types of somatic experiences of the other person, which often occur in micro-moments, can trigger fight-flight-freeze responses, or down-regulating withdrawal, without conscious awareness of what just happened to cause such uncomfortable states. thus, by using all this information, a couple can go from constantly triggering each other into misery and fights (or flights) to greater understanding and the ability to calm, soothe, and take pleasure in each other.
yes, each individual is responsible for attending to their own healing and development, but this book's focus is on helping partners to become experts in each other's attachment-related needs and tendencies. in a shift from the typical focus on personal growth and me-first love, they recommend prioritizing the partner's comfort and well-being, which helps both partners to feel better, healthier, and more capable, more of the time.
my therapist recently recommended this book to me. i'm so glad to learn more about how implicit, neurologically-wired response patterns that were set up in early attachment relationships affect the way we perceive our current relationships. i'm really appreciating this book's focus on the neurobiological dimension of adult attachment, and finding it useful to gain some more specific understanding of the processes involved in nervous system arousal and regulation in a relational context.
thank the gods, we do have plasticity! change is possible, even when early experiences leave us with insecure attachment and relational trauma. in fact, some research cited by Mary Main indicates that five years in a secure adult attachment relationship can bring a person from an insecure state of mind with respect to attachment, into a secure one. the authors integrate information from recent mind-body-brain research, their experience as couple therapists, and the field of attachment studies. they describe in detail interventions that they use, and the rationales behind them, to show how this change process can occur. when partners get real-time experiences of repair, and the awareness of how they trigger each others' unconsciously held, early learned responses, they can begin to change old patterns that cause them to endlessly replicate early attachment wounds.
the authors describe sessions with couples in which they use the AAI to bring forth the partners' attachment histories in each others' presence, and then use this knowledge - along with what they learn by observing the couple in sessions - to educate the partners about how problems arise in each one's response to things like eye contact, approach and avoidance behaviors, meetings and partings, proximity and distance. these types of somatic experiences of the other person, which often occur in micro-moments, can trigger fight-flight-freeze responses, or down-regulating withdrawal, without conscious awareness of what just happened to cause such uncomfortable states. thus, by using all this information, a couple can go from constantly triggering each other into misery and fights (or flights) to greater understanding and the ability to calm, soothe, and take pleasure in each other.
yes, each individual is responsible for attending to their own healing and development, but this book's focus is on helping partners to become experts in each other's attachment-related needs and tendencies. in a shift from the typical focus on personal growth and me-first love, they recommend prioritizing the partner's comfort and well-being, which helps both partners to feel better, healthier, and more capable, more of the time.
June 20, 2021
So good. Will definitely be referring back to this one often.
April 8, 2021
This is an Absolute Must Read for Couples Therapists!
Both Solomon and Tatkin write in a very refreshing style, engaging with examples and case studies, and yet very informative! I have specialized in couples work for years, and this is going on the top of my list of reference books. I loved the specific examples of exercises they use and their demonstration of the integration of many fields of research into the practical application of how they apply it to their work. I believe that the type of work they demonstrate (which they call the psychobiological approach, I would call experiential) is the best way to help couples. I've had success with integrating what I've learned in this book in my own work with couples and it has enhanced my work significantly. I'm very grateful to be able to learn from these pros!
Below are my favorite quotes:
Page 48:in point of fact, in an apar partners naturally project past needs and injuries and the current person is the only one in position to repair the wounds.
Page 49 top paragraph - makes me think if I would slow things down and have her stay facing him but also stay with her emotions and just wait it out.
Page 209-
Empathy, the distinctly human expression of sharing another's experience, is different from sympathy, which is a recognition of another's pain.
Page 227- (paraphrase) memory itself is an anticipatory system: we anticipate the future in relation to our experiences from the past
Page 228- ... Partners cannot possibly recall declaratively what occurred during emotionally dysregulating, mutually threatening events. Still, they will try to recruit each other to their way of organizing such events. The psychobiologically aware therapist will understand that such attempts are likely to result in the reenactment of trauma.
Page 230 - ... narratives most often contain confabulations and errors, and that the psychobiologically oriented couple therapist must capture implicit forms of memory in the wake of experiences that occur during the therapy session itself.
Both Solomon and Tatkin write in a very refreshing style, engaging with examples and case studies, and yet very informative! I have specialized in couples work for years, and this is going on the top of my list of reference books. I loved the specific examples of exercises they use and their demonstration of the integration of many fields of research into the practical application of how they apply it to their work. I believe that the type of work they demonstrate (which they call the psychobiological approach, I would call experiential) is the best way to help couples. I've had success with integrating what I've learned in this book in my own work with couples and it has enhanced my work significantly. I'm very grateful to be able to learn from these pros!
Below are my favorite quotes:
Page 48:in point of fact, in an apar partners naturally project past needs and injuries and the current person is the only one in position to repair the wounds.
Page 49 top paragraph - makes me think if I would slow things down and have her stay facing him but also stay with her emotions and just wait it out.
Page 209-
Empathy, the distinctly human expression of sharing another's experience, is different from sympathy, which is a recognition of another's pain.
Page 227- (paraphrase) memory itself is an anticipatory system: we anticipate the future in relation to our experiences from the past
Page 228- ... Partners cannot possibly recall declaratively what occurred during emotionally dysregulating, mutually threatening events. Still, they will try to recruit each other to their way of organizing such events. The psychobiologically aware therapist will understand that such attempts are likely to result in the reenactment of trauma.
Page 230 - ... narratives most often contain confabulations and errors, and that the psychobiologically oriented couple therapist must capture implicit forms of memory in the wake of experiences that occur during the therapy session itself.
September 4, 2019
This book is a basic must read textbook for all mental health providers as well as people in relationships. Attachment theory when coupled with neurobiology constitutes the navigation apparatus of the 21 st century couple.
The emphasis on social justice as a key player in secure relationships is an outstanding principal. Stan generously shares material throughout the book that facilitates unserstanding. Fantastic.
The emphasis on social justice as a key player in secure relationships is an outstanding principal. Stan generously shares material throughout the book that facilitates unserstanding. Fantastic.
October 30, 2015
Great book for mental health providers working with couples, or individuals with relationship issues, particularly those who practice or believe in Attachment Theory and psychodynamic object relations principles. The author provides a thorough overview of attachment theory, illustrated with excellent examples from real cases from actual clinical practice.
February 4, 2016
Great book for couple therapist
Such a great resource to couple therapists. I highlighted most of the book! This book offers techniques, but reaffirms the therapeutic arch of secure-functioning and healthy dependence. Neuroscience is relevantly applied and understandable.
Such a great resource to couple therapists. I highlighted most of the book! This book offers techniques, but reaffirms the therapeutic arch of secure-functioning and healthy dependence. Neuroscience is relevantly applied and understandable.
November 1, 2012
Excellent book about how Stan works with couples. Case studies show his concepts.
July 14, 2015
Great tools for assessing attachment styles in clients and working with in securely attached couples.
September 22, 2016
Excellent resource for therapists. Even just reading the appendix on the parts of the brain is worth it!
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews