Pre-Engagement: 5 Questions to Ask Yourselves

CCEF Minibooks

by David A. Powlison

How do you know if you're ready to marry? What are the signs that a man and a woman are heading in the same direction and are right for each other?

In this booklet a biblical counselor and a pastor team up to offer five pertinent questions that will help couples decide whether to commit themselves to each other for life. These questions bring to light basic convictions, assumptions, expectations, priorities, and more. As couples think through and discuss them, they will get to know themselves and each other better a wise investment toward building a marriage on a solid foundation, with Christ at the center.

Genres: Counselling, Marriage, Christian, Relationships, Religion, Theology

48 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2000

About the author

David Powlison, MDiv, PhD, (1949–2019) was a teacher, counselor, and the executive director of the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He wrote many books and minibooks, including Speaking Truth in Love, Seeing with New Eyes, Good and Angry, Making All Things New, God's Grace in Your Suffering, Safe and Sound, and Take Heart. David was also the editor of The Journal of Biblical Counseling.

Reviews

[Kaitlyn Foreman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up bc my boyfriend and I plan on getting married sometime after I graduate. So I picked it up, hoping to skim through it and maybe pick up some questions for reflections.

Let me tell you… I completed half of that. I got a lot of good questions and had a huge moment of self-reflection reading this book. Now I have never reconsidered my decision to marry my boyfriend nor did I, but I did realize there was a LOT that we needed to amend. And I mean A LOT. But that is the beauty of books like this, they produce reform in order to create a better space. My next step with this is to read it with my boyfriend so that we can work together on it.

It’s such a tiny booklet, only 30-ish pages but it’s powerful. If you are considering getting married and want to keep the relationship Godly, I highly suggest you read this.

[Caroline Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this lil booklet for class - not getting engaged anytime soon lol

This little booklet is much more than I expected. Even though I’m single, it was very edifying. I loved the portion on biblical problem solving. The book provides questions for one to reflect on in each chapter that I found very helpful. Also, I was encouraged by the emphasis of the local church throughout the book.

The ending presents a strong case for pre-engagement counseling without posing it as a “case.” Whether you’re a fan of pre-engagement or pre-marital counseling, I’d recommend this book to anyone who is dating or even single because it’s design is to push one to honestly discover if he or she is ready to be engaged/married.

[Abbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for those interested in getting engaged/married!

[Idalisse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little booklet. Essential reading for all Christian regardless of their marital status. Should be called pre-dating.

[Rubia Osborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

No I’m not getting married! Or engaged! But this is very helpful! :)

[Daniel Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christ is glorified throughout the book with the gospel being clear. Excellent resource for anyone not engaged or married. It really helps you think through important things that will better prepare you with a good foundation for dating, engagement, and ultimately marriage.

[John Rakshith Prabhakar · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful, brief resource for pre-engagement counseling that counselors can use with the couples

[Katie Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

10/10 recommend

[Jimmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great resource for the biblical counselor and those who are involved in a relationship whether engaged or about to be engaged. Like other booklet in this series, this work doesn’t disappoint; it’s beautiful to see a work that has brevity, communicate simply and biblically while being tremendously helpful. The author David Powlison is a wonderful biblical counselor who in this work asks a lot of great questions for those who are thinking about marriage. While the subtitle of the book is “5 questions to Ask Yourselves,” really it’s a booklet of many questions (I lost track of how many), all of which are under five larger and more general questions. I appreciate the author’s use of questions which makes it an ideal book to warm up discussions between couples and also offer something the Nouthetic counselor to work with. It’s not just the questions that are good but also some of the practical tidbits the author gives. For instance, I really appreciated the author’s point of answering the question of whom to look for counsel concerning the relationship and the decision of marriage. Specifically, after saying that one should invite parental insight he acknowledges that strained parental-child relationship exists but that this should be a great opportunity “to seek to heal the breach,” something that is helpful in tying up loose ends of the past before going into a new marriage with unresolved baggage (26). I started reading this book as a Pastor looking for good materials to go over with those who we are going over pre-marital counseling with and I not only recommend it, I am going to be using it.

[Amanda Bittner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second time reading this and was super challenged and convicted to read it after being married! This resource is gold. So much biblical wisdom and is so helpful for those pursuing marriage. Love how it ended with this, “If you love and want your spouse more than anything, you will end up selfish, fearful, bitter or disillusioned. If you love Jesus more than anything else, you will really love and enjoy your spouse.” Amen!

[Iris Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short and sweet pamphlet more than a book that I found really helpful to think about when my husband and I were considering engagement. These questions are great to think and talk through together before you decide to get engaged. I’ve recommended it and lent it to many friends who are in the serious dating stage and considering marriage.

[Debbie Levis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent short book on assessing your spiritual health and focus in entering marriage. So much of our society has a wrong view of the purpose of marriage, including those in the Christian world. Love, romance and marriage has been hijacked by Hollywood. This book does a lot to dispel those myths and help Christians to look at this subject from a Biblical perspective

[Janette Kern · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCELLENT source for those that are considering engagement or simply starting a relationship. This short read is super informative, has great discussion questions, and applications that are doable to put into practice.

[Brianna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Only useful if you are a Pentecostal or Evangelical...worthless for everyone else.

[Andrew Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid resource.

[Yukie Mayuzumi · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a straightforward, biblical summary of the Christian view of marriage. I think this is a good resource for young Evangelicals or Pentecostals who aren’t avid Bible readers and don’t yet understand the scripture’s position on marriage.

If you read the Bible, there shouldn’t be any new information here you didn’t know already.

[Kristi Camarena]

Each question is broken down into further questions. Somewhat basic but still many great discussion items. Many things we had already discussed, but it was good to revisit them. Good book to go through together when considering engagement/marriage.

[Chuck · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great booklet for Christian couples thinking about getting married. I've used it for years in my own counseling.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book to give to any seriously dating couple. I give it to my martial counseling couples to help them think through the commitment they are about to make.

[Bledar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good questions to ask and easy material to pass it on someone to read.