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The Invisible Girl
Within a few years of packing her bags for London as a starry-eyed 15-year-old, Debbie Barham became one of the wittiest and most prolific writers in Britain, working for comedy names such as Rory Bremner and Clive Anderson. But things soon went wrong for Debbie: her comic genius belied a darker, destructive side that slowly span out of control. In this poignant memoir of his daughter's short life, Peter Barham sets out to discover the powerful force that drove Debbie to anorexia, whilst inspiring her to write some of the best lines in British comedy. Drawing on her copious e-mails and scripts, and featuring contributions from some of the UK's most famous comedians, including Rory Bremner, Clive Anderson, Ned Sherrin and Bob Monkhouse, Peter takes you from the heady excitement of Debbie's mid-teen years to her troubled, solitary end. "The Invisible Girl" is a father's remarkable journey to discover what went wrong in the mysterious and very private world of his daughter. It is a powerful and moving story that will make you laugh and cry in equal measure.
- GenresNonfictionBiography
336 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
November 21, 2017
===Debbie Barham===
My guess would be that very few people have heard of this young lady who died at a tragically young age, unless of course you are or were in the comedy business before she died. The reason is that she wasn't someone like the comedians you see on TV, who just tell the audience the jokes which they have written out before them, she was one of those people behind the screen. The unsung heroes. The ones who actually write the jokes that we all laugh at when they are told by the people like Rory Bremner and Ned Shirrin. Their names don't tend to get mentioned except possibly in the credits at the end which no one actually bothers to read.
Right from the start Debbie was noted as a bright lass, being moved up a year in her high school - Sheffield Girls High, which she hated and noted as 'the unmitigated hell on earth'. But whilst most people at the school stayed on for sixth form, particularly those with the brains, she refused. Although she had won the scholarship for sixth form, the only one available as it happened, she refused it and more or less swanned off to London. To do what she was best at doing, writing jokes.
It turned out that she had been writing these jokes which were being aired on radio and TV since she was 15, submitting her work under the name D.A. Barham, because in a comedy world dominated by men from Oxford and Cambridge she felt, probably quite rightly, that a teenage girl would never be accepted. Once her name had been established however, she came out of the woodwork, and although originally got much of the same reception as she had originally anticipated, it wasn't long before she was truly respected by her colleagues for her mental quickness and how prolific her writing was whilst still being at top quality.
The crunch comes however in the fact that was stated earlier, Debbie had anorexia, and severe anorexia at that. She made jokes about this in her work; 'Psychologists argue that eating disorders are all down to your upbringing, specifically the upbringing of your lunch' (Clive Anderson). But although she was making these sorts of jokes and quick witted comments, she couldn't disguise the fact that she was truly struggling with this disorder and the pictures on the front of the hardback issue illustrate how she changed over the years. Eventually, as the disorder will do to anybody who suffers from it, she got to the point where the disorder took complete control, leading her manager to try to get her help, and her being fired from several of the jobs she was at to try to make her help herself. It says something that on the day of her death, one of her managers contacted her via email when she was 1 hour late for her deadline on a piece of work, saying that maybe he was being paranoid but something wasn't right and could she please contact him. Three hours later another message was sent, this time saying that he obviously had nothing better to do with his weekend but he was getting very close to contacting the police, by the time he did her body had been found. She'd died of heart failure due to her anorexia, and at the time she only weighted 4 and a half stone.
===The book===
The book itself is written by Debbie's father, Peter Barham, and he follows both her past from when she was a child as well as the times nearer to the present, and then his own feelings after her death. It is a very well written book and has the feeling almost of the way a man's mind would actually work when he is trying to relive the past to remember his daughter, as well as thinking in the present as well. Although the book was written well after Debbie's death, from the way it is structured you could be forgiven for believing that it was written just after her death. It starts with her death and her fathers instinctive reaction to that, then goes back in time as if to suggest that a fathers memory would instinctively go back to when his child was little and remember the good times first. From that point onwards the book skips between far past, 'recent' past and 'present', present in this case meaning the time of Debbie's death.
The book is formatted in a mixed style, as it involves both what he remembers from Debbie, what Debbie's colleagues remember of her and what she wrote herself both for radio shows and for different notes and websites. This makes the book seem far more valid than it would otherwise be, because it's not just a father waxing sentimental on the daughter that he lost, but her own work as well. And it is her work which actually makes the book, because without that it would just be yet another sob story, and really nothing special. Her wit alone would make the book worth reading, even if this isn't your usual style of book, an example of this would be her piece on computers:
'I like to consider myself an independent, intelligent, career woman. I am in favour of sexual equality in the workplace. I am as likely as the next woman to knee any male chauvinist pig in the pork balls. But I admit I still have to get a man to show me how to work my computer. 'You go to your Sys ops menu, right click option 3, yeah, then format your document and initialise the printer. Okay, love?' Fine, I say, feeling my way around the back of the screen in search of an on switch.'
It's a mix of detailing the life story of an exceptional young lady who was unrecognised except by her peers in life, showing her wit and humour in the only way possible after her death, and at the same time explaining the disorder to those who don't understand it and showing the true dangers of it. Debbie almost substituted her work for food, and the analogy was used in the book that her work was her food, but in doing so she gave her life to her work, and more figuratively than most.
===View of anorexia===
From my point of view as a sufferer, the book gave a very realistic view of someone who suffers from anorexia. The lies, the manipulation, the use of something else to take the mind away from work. Even the jokes, most anorexics wouldn't go as far as Debbie did, but it's an easy way to dodge actual concern on the issue. Most people joke about their weight, and it's the easiest way for an anorexic to get out of the frying pan as the saying goes. Everyone knows that an anorexic will dodge matters of weight or say that they are fat, so when faced with someone who says that they are thin and makes a joke of it all suspicion tends to go. It's an almost failsafe defence mechanism and one which Debbie uses very well: 'It's not the idea of food I object to. I adore food. I just can't bring myself to swallow. But how many girls have said that at Christmas parties? Usually with their knickers round their ankles in the stationary cupboards'.
All anorexics are different, all anorexics find different ways to hide their behaviour and pretend that everything is absolutely fine. But the basics are all there in the way Debbie acts, the cutting herself off from family and friends, but never to the point they get too worried. Doing everything on the computer so that she doesn't need to communicate with the real world face to face and show just how much weight she had truly lost.
For more information on the disorder anorexia and the way it effects people I have a review up at http://www.ciao.co.uk/A_members_guide....
===My reaction===
I enjoyed reading this book from the beginning to the end. It isn't one in which you are desperate to know how the ending turns out, because you know that from the very beginning. It is however a book which is written very sensitively, and allows the reader to learn about someone who would otherwise be forgotten, and gives some form of understanding about a disorder which is often completely misrepresented.
It's obviously a very truthful book, and one which must have taken an amazing amount of courage for her father to write, because it means facing up to his grief and truly thinking about Debbie as a person from the rest of the world's perspective and not just as his daughter. For that I can only have utmost respect for the man.
I would recommend just about anyone to this book, obviously it is not suitable for children, but any adult or teenage readers would find it both inspiring and educational and at the same time a very good read. Some of the jokes get a little old upon re-reading, but that's the same with any joke, but even with that the actual book itself can be re-read many a time.
My guess would be that very few people have heard of this young lady who died at a tragically young age, unless of course you are or were in the comedy business before she died. The reason is that she wasn't someone like the comedians you see on TV, who just tell the audience the jokes which they have written out before them, she was one of those people behind the screen. The unsung heroes. The ones who actually write the jokes that we all laugh at when they are told by the people like Rory Bremner and Ned Shirrin. Their names don't tend to get mentioned except possibly in the credits at the end which no one actually bothers to read.
Right from the start Debbie was noted as a bright lass, being moved up a year in her high school - Sheffield Girls High, which she hated and noted as 'the unmitigated hell on earth'. But whilst most people at the school stayed on for sixth form, particularly those with the brains, she refused. Although she had won the scholarship for sixth form, the only one available as it happened, she refused it and more or less swanned off to London. To do what she was best at doing, writing jokes.
It turned out that she had been writing these jokes which were being aired on radio and TV since she was 15, submitting her work under the name D.A. Barham, because in a comedy world dominated by men from Oxford and Cambridge she felt, probably quite rightly, that a teenage girl would never be accepted. Once her name had been established however, she came out of the woodwork, and although originally got much of the same reception as she had originally anticipated, it wasn't long before she was truly respected by her colleagues for her mental quickness and how prolific her writing was whilst still being at top quality.
The crunch comes however in the fact that was stated earlier, Debbie had anorexia, and severe anorexia at that. She made jokes about this in her work; 'Psychologists argue that eating disorders are all down to your upbringing, specifically the upbringing of your lunch' (Clive Anderson). But although she was making these sorts of jokes and quick witted comments, she couldn't disguise the fact that she was truly struggling with this disorder and the pictures on the front of the hardback issue illustrate how she changed over the years. Eventually, as the disorder will do to anybody who suffers from it, she got to the point where the disorder took complete control, leading her manager to try to get her help, and her being fired from several of the jobs she was at to try to make her help herself. It says something that on the day of her death, one of her managers contacted her via email when she was 1 hour late for her deadline on a piece of work, saying that maybe he was being paranoid but something wasn't right and could she please contact him. Three hours later another message was sent, this time saying that he obviously had nothing better to do with his weekend but he was getting very close to contacting the police, by the time he did her body had been found. She'd died of heart failure due to her anorexia, and at the time she only weighted 4 and a half stone.
===The book===
The book itself is written by Debbie's father, Peter Barham, and he follows both her past from when she was a child as well as the times nearer to the present, and then his own feelings after her death. It is a very well written book and has the feeling almost of the way a man's mind would actually work when he is trying to relive the past to remember his daughter, as well as thinking in the present as well. Although the book was written well after Debbie's death, from the way it is structured you could be forgiven for believing that it was written just after her death. It starts with her death and her fathers instinctive reaction to that, then goes back in time as if to suggest that a fathers memory would instinctively go back to when his child was little and remember the good times first. From that point onwards the book skips between far past, 'recent' past and 'present', present in this case meaning the time of Debbie's death.
The book is formatted in a mixed style, as it involves both what he remembers from Debbie, what Debbie's colleagues remember of her and what she wrote herself both for radio shows and for different notes and websites. This makes the book seem far more valid than it would otherwise be, because it's not just a father waxing sentimental on the daughter that he lost, but her own work as well. And it is her work which actually makes the book, because without that it would just be yet another sob story, and really nothing special. Her wit alone would make the book worth reading, even if this isn't your usual style of book, an example of this would be her piece on computers:
'I like to consider myself an independent, intelligent, career woman. I am in favour of sexual equality in the workplace. I am as likely as the next woman to knee any male chauvinist pig in the pork balls. But I admit I still have to get a man to show me how to work my computer. 'You go to your Sys ops menu, right click option 3, yeah, then format your document and initialise the printer. Okay, love?' Fine, I say, feeling my way around the back of the screen in search of an on switch.'
It's a mix of detailing the life story of an exceptional young lady who was unrecognised except by her peers in life, showing her wit and humour in the only way possible after her death, and at the same time explaining the disorder to those who don't understand it and showing the true dangers of it. Debbie almost substituted her work for food, and the analogy was used in the book that her work was her food, but in doing so she gave her life to her work, and more figuratively than most.
===View of anorexia===
From my point of view as a sufferer, the book gave a very realistic view of someone who suffers from anorexia. The lies, the manipulation, the use of something else to take the mind away from work. Even the jokes, most anorexics wouldn't go as far as Debbie did, but it's an easy way to dodge actual concern on the issue. Most people joke about their weight, and it's the easiest way for an anorexic to get out of the frying pan as the saying goes. Everyone knows that an anorexic will dodge matters of weight or say that they are fat, so when faced with someone who says that they are thin and makes a joke of it all suspicion tends to go. It's an almost failsafe defence mechanism and one which Debbie uses very well: 'It's not the idea of food I object to. I adore food. I just can't bring myself to swallow. But how many girls have said that at Christmas parties? Usually with their knickers round their ankles in the stationary cupboards'.
All anorexics are different, all anorexics find different ways to hide their behaviour and pretend that everything is absolutely fine. But the basics are all there in the way Debbie acts, the cutting herself off from family and friends, but never to the point they get too worried. Doing everything on the computer so that she doesn't need to communicate with the real world face to face and show just how much weight she had truly lost.
For more information on the disorder anorexia and the way it effects people I have a review up at http://www.ciao.co.uk/A_members_guide....
===My reaction===
I enjoyed reading this book from the beginning to the end. It isn't one in which you are desperate to know how the ending turns out, because you know that from the very beginning. It is however a book which is written very sensitively, and allows the reader to learn about someone who would otherwise be forgotten, and gives some form of understanding about a disorder which is often completely misrepresented.
It's obviously a very truthful book, and one which must have taken an amazing amount of courage for her father to write, because it means facing up to his grief and truly thinking about Debbie as a person from the rest of the world's perspective and not just as his daughter. For that I can only have utmost respect for the man.
I would recommend just about anyone to this book, obviously it is not suitable for children, but any adult or teenage readers would find it both inspiring and educational and at the same time a very good read. Some of the jokes get a little old upon re-reading, but that's the same with any joke, but even with that the actual book itself can be re-read many a time.
April 2, 2018
This is no doubt a fascinating book, an insight into the life of the insanely talented Debbie Barham. The first few chapters were really eye-opening and I felt gripped by Debs' life, but the way her story was told was unfortunately quite slow and centred mostly around the comedy world. I love comedy, but I didn't feel that I wanted to read the ins and outs of the life of comedy-writing, as there is so much more to a person. I would have liked to see less about the comedy and more about Debs as a person. I gave up at around 50% as I just found it too slow to read, and skipped to the end.
April 3, 2015
This is the story of a gifted writer that led an extraordinary life & died too young due to anorexia. Her name may not have been famous, but most of us have probably heard some of Debby Barham's work, not realizing that it was the work of a child living in an adult's world.
If one reads this book, they would realize that anorexia is not a disease to be trifled with, or trivialized. Too many books regarding eating disorders are used as guide manuals. Prominent cheekbones or collarbones may be considered glamorous, but the less spoken of symptoms of anorexia (scabs from hair loss, weeping leg ulcers, dementia, etc...) certainly are not. This book thoroughly describes her suffering through the eyes of her father
If one reads this book, they would realize that anorexia is not a disease to be trifled with, or trivialized. Too many books regarding eating disorders are used as guide manuals. Prominent cheekbones or collarbones may be considered glamorous, but the less spoken of symptoms of anorexia (scabs from hair loss, weeping leg ulcers, dementia, etc...) certainly are not. This book thoroughly describes her suffering through the eyes of her father
May 12, 2021
Very interesting and compulsive read, a tragic story - one that I'm not convinced the subject would want the world to know.
The writing style was clunky and repetitive and a lot of the book was taken up by Debbie's personal emails etc.
I did enjoy it, however there should be trigger warnings for those suffering from similar issues.
The writing style was clunky and repetitive and a lot of the book was taken up by Debbie's personal emails etc.
I did enjoy it, however there should be trigger warnings for those suffering from similar issues.
August 4, 2011
not a bad read. shows the way that anorexia takes over ones life and how hard it is to get away from its strong hold. The father's narrative kinda has me questioning on his responses during the whole episode, and his motives for actually writing it
December 3, 2020
Incredibly moving, desperately sad, this is an unusually astute and original viewpoint of an eating disorder from someone who (I would not say is not a "sufferer" as Peter Barham suffered immensely watching his daughter's illness) observed from the fringes of this awful disease.
January 16, 2017
A bit slow due to lots of information and detail regarding Deb's career. However the detail did assist in getting to know the complexity of her state of mind, so it was somewhat necessary!
July 5, 2025
Interesting to read about the life of an anorexic. All blame going to mum, but curious to know how dad walking out on her at 9 months impacted.
January 6, 2026
I'm giving it 4 stars because the book is well written. I'm not sure how much credit should go to Peter Barham, Debbie's father, and how much to Alan Hurndall, the co-author, for the overall execution.
The book did a great job of letting the reader know how funny, intelligent, exceptionally talented and hardworking Debbie was. I really enjoyed getting to know the wonderful person she was.
At the same rime, it's a tough read. I am familiar with both an absent father and disordered eating and I found parts of this story quite triggering. The father is pictured as a loving parent who did everything he could to help his daughter when she was severely anorexic - I would argue that he could have done a lot more and more importantly, he really failed as a father by not being in Debbie's life for the majority of her formative years except for her first 9 months and then the 9 months when she moved in with him as an adult. He seems unaware of how much damage he has caused by not being there for his daughter when she was growing up.
Her mother is only mentioned a handful of times and never in good light. I understand the book is Peter's side of Debbie's story and Debbie herself didn't seem to like her mother either but it feels like important puzzle pieces are missing.
For me, the book was equally a great read and very upsetting, too.
The book did a great job of letting the reader know how funny, intelligent, exceptionally talented and hardworking Debbie was. I really enjoyed getting to know the wonderful person she was.
At the same rime, it's a tough read. I am familiar with both an absent father and disordered eating and I found parts of this story quite triggering. The father is pictured as a loving parent who did everything he could to help his daughter when she was severely anorexic - I would argue that he could have done a lot more and more importantly, he really failed as a father by not being in Debbie's life for the majority of her formative years except for her first 9 months and then the 9 months when she moved in with him as an adult. He seems unaware of how much damage he has caused by not being there for his daughter when she was growing up.
Her mother is only mentioned a handful of times and never in good light. I understand the book is Peter's side of Debbie's story and Debbie herself didn't seem to like her mother either but it feels like important puzzle pieces are missing.
For me, the book was equally a great read and very upsetting, too.
June 18, 2022
A lengthy read by Debbie Barham’s father, Peter. I have read several books and articles about people who have had anorexia and this one did not teach me anything I didn’t already know.
Peter Barham abandoned his daughter when she was just a toddler so the book seems to infer that this plus Debbie’s strained relationship with her pushy mother may have caused her fragile mental state which led to anorexia. But we do not know this 100%.
Debbie was clearly a very bright girl but she didn’t seem to have an OFF switch when she was writing her gags or even just leaving notes for her father which ran on and on and after a while and I found them most odd. It was like she wanted to prove to others how she was much more intelligent than them.
The descriptions of her illness and the state of her flat were quite difficult reading and I am still left with the feeling that more could have been done to help this poor young woman.
A sad read with not much positive advice for an anorexics family.
Peter Barham abandoned his daughter when she was just a toddler so the book seems to infer that this plus Debbie’s strained relationship with her pushy mother may have caused her fragile mental state which led to anorexia. But we do not know this 100%.
Debbie was clearly a very bright girl but she didn’t seem to have an OFF switch when she was writing her gags or even just leaving notes for her father which ran on and on and after a while and I found them most odd. It was like she wanted to prove to others how she was much more intelligent than them.
The descriptions of her illness and the state of her flat were quite difficult reading and I am still left with the feeling that more could have been done to help this poor young woman.
A sad read with not much positive advice for an anorexics family.
September 24, 2020
A great story told by the father, and at points, other people in Debbie's life. The story mostly focuses on what she did and how she achieved it, whilst gently touching on her anorexia. It is a witty read filled with lots of her gags and makes you feel part of the story. I would have rated higher if there was more content on the anorexia but still worth picking up to read.
January 7, 2016
Not a great insight on what it's like to be the parent of someone so ill, which is a shame. No insight either into the daughter's life on a deeper level. Possibly not surprising, given the distance of the relationship. Mentions of weights and Debbie's high functioning achievements throughout her illness, which could be triggering.
March 16, 2009
this book's moving.
the author may not be the best father you could find, but in the book, he shows that he trys to be the best.
although debbie died in the end, but the memories between them will never be lost.
the author may not be the best father you could find, but in the book, he shows that he trys to be the best.
although debbie died in the end, but the memories between them will never be lost.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 6, 2014
I had never heard of Deborah Barham until I read this book. I came across this book in a charity shop and so glad that I decided to purchase. What wonderful talent Deborah had, but how sad that she could not beat her anorexia. Recommended.
January 11, 2010
It is problematic that the author (and the subjects father) seems to repeatedly and all too enthusiastically read damnation of his ex wife into his daughter’s work. It would have been nice if the focus was on his interesting, hilarious and troubled daughter instead of scoring points on his ex.
August 25, 2010
A fascinating biography about a 15 year old girl who left home to quickly become one of Britain's most successful and popular comedy writers, only to die of anorexia just a handful of years later. It's a tragedy, but this account of her secretive life is hard to put down.
October 9, 2011
not a bad read. shows the way that anorexia takes over ones life and how hard it is to get away from its strong hold. The father's narrative kinda has me questioning on his responses during the whole episode, and his motives for actually writing it
April 13, 2013
Have no idea how I ended up with this book as its not normally my kind of thing- but I'm glad I did. It opened up my eyes to how much lying a person can and will do once they are on the self destruct path of anorexia. Very sad.
August 28, 2007
a moving story that will make you laugh ad cry
March 29, 2008
That anorexia sucks.
November 13, 2009
"Hey, like does anyone mind if I unplug the life-support machine to plug in my laptop? No? OK...
January 15, 2014
A very moving story and an eye opener to the horror of anorexia the suffering of the victim and those that love them.
March 9, 2014
Great read by a father who tried so hard to save his fabulous comedic genius of a daughter, who was a clever anorexic and sadly couldn't fight thei illness
Read
September 12, 2014poignant in places but an insight into the complexities faced by people suffering from eating disorders and their families and friends.
February 16, 2015
Couldn't finish
December 27, 2016
Skrikwekkend en hartseer...
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews