“Andrea Israel and Nancy Garfinkel have written an absorbing novel that reflects the wisdom of MFK Fisher, namely that there is no separating food and dining from family and friends. . . . A satisfying meal for both body and soul. — Sara Moulton
Loyalty, loss, and the ties that bind: These are the ingredients of The Recipe Club, a "novel cookbook" that combines an authentic story of friendship with more than eighty delicious recipes.
Lifelong friends Lilly and Val are united as much by their differences as by their similarities. In childhood, "LillyPad" and "ValPal" form an exclusive two-person club, writing intimate letters in which they share hopes, fears, deepest secrets . . . and recipes—from Lilly's "Lovelorn Lasagna" to Valerie's "Forgiveness Tapenade." The Recipe Club sustains Lilly and Val's bond across the decades: through the challenges of independence, the joys and heartbreaks of first love, and the emotional complexities of family relationships, identity, mortality, and goals deferred—until the fateful day when an act of kindness becomes an unforgivable betrayal.
Andrea Israel is a writer from Brooklyn, New York who co-authored the acclaimed novel The Recipe Club: A Tale of Food and Friendship. She has written and produced many network and cable shows as well as an award-winning web-based series and podcast.
But Lilly, I have to confess something terrible. I'm envious of you and Luke. I'm not jealous, because I am happy or you. It's just that I'm so aware that my life is empty in that way. I feel lonely. And there's nothing to do about it. (PG. 125)
This was a terrible read. I hated it. The only reason it gets the one star is that I want to try some of the recipes and I hope they are better than this throw-in-the-fire-on-a-cold-day book.
I don't know what kind of children write so many letters to each other and then send recipes they "made." The writing doesn't even change from when the girls are eight to fifty. Lilly's father hanging around Valerie and her mom had a weird grooming aspect and really messed up Lilly mentally. They were all terrible people. Valerie was meant to be the good person but she came off as needy and whiny for Lilly's friendship while Lilly treated Valerie like dog poop beneath her shoe. The ending was even worse. Nothing tidy. Just predictable and wrapped up happily-ever-after. Didn't flow with the story. Utter laziness.
Terrible book. Would never recommend it, sad to say.
This is the story of two women who grow up as sort of friends/penpals. They also for no reason exchange recipes. The recipes are included in the book, and are bogus. I don't think too many women out there who know their way around a kitchen are impressed by recipes for cooked carrots. Just saying.
So the characters of Lilly and Val are supposedly friends, and the book is their letters to one another over 35 years. The conflict is supposed to be the tension between them because Lilly's father Issac is more fatherly to Val than to her. But honestly the real tension is in the writing, as the authors strain to communicate emotion in stilted, overly formal and sometimes outright hostile letters.
You are clearly supposed to like both characters, but I hated both. Lilly is supposed to be kind of a bitch, and comes off as the worst person in the world. Her 'redemption' is supposed to come when she arranges an abortion for Val, which really does nothing to impress the reader. Val is meant to be tender, caring and kind, but comes off as naive, clinging and childish. I kept wondering, why is Val even giving this Lilly person the time of day? Why does Lilly bother? She obviously hates Val.
The climax is a revelation of a family secret, which changes the relationship between the characters, but not in a believable way. The storytelling is at odds with the writing, which seems more journalistic than anything. And even though the letters cross a span of 35 years, the writing in the letters does not reflect the age of the characters. The only time clues the authors give are references to historic events, which, frankly, is not important. It's more important that I can pick up the approximate age of the character at the time of writing than the time the letter is supposed to be written. Nine year olds do not write the same letters as forty year olds. It's a fact.
The good thing about this book is it gives me hope. Apparently all you need to be a successful novelist is a few credits for writing stories for Dateline.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Well I'm glad that's over! Thankfully I was able to read through this book remarkably fast! Had I spent the usual amount of time getting through this book like I normally do, I would have been very angry at myself for wasting so much time on it!
The book started out with two "friends" reconnecting via email after over 25 years of no contact due to a fight they had in their teenage years. The majority of the book after that was reading through the two "friends" old recipe club letter to each other. The rest of the book was finishing the story after the two had once again agreed to leave each other alone, and finished with a truly phoney ending.
My 1st issue I had with this book, was that the girls were about 8 years old when they started the recipe club. The idea was to send a new recipe with each letter they exchanged. I felt like I was being told tall tales when the girls would share the recipe's, as they were getting them from unlikely places. One that sticks out is the one Val gets from her camp boyfriend when she was about 13 or 14? Why would the mother send the recipe to her son when she sent the treat? What good would it have done him at camp to know how to make it? The situation seemed absurd! And it left the story feeling cheap. There were many examples of this throughout the story.
My 2nd issue I had with this book, is that these two "friends" never seemed to be good friends. So I was sitting there reading page after page of how these two polar opposite people would get on each others nerves because one was a selfish floozie and the other was a hurt goodie two shoes, desperately trying to find acceptance with her peers and most importantly her polar opposite "best friend". There were more issues between the two than happy moments.
My 3rd issue with this book was that I felt I was reading a soap opera. There were the typical things in it, classic in crummy soap operas : Conflict, betrayal, promiscuity, trying to pass off one lover's child as another's, and the drama that comes from that, childishness selfish behavior coming from adults in an attempt to make themselves happy at all costs, even when it hurts others.
The ending was flimsy! There was so much hurt involved with these two and their families. The two "friends" wouldn't talk for the better part of 28 years, and all of a sudden because of one event it becomes water under the bridge, and the characters seem to change completely! All of a sudden they are better different people, which happens in only a matter of a couple months. One ends up being an adoptive mother at the near age of 50! This character never would have been granted a child in her circumstances ( more than just age )! Then a few months after that she is engaged and married to a man that she had grown up with and had no interest in then, had no connection with during her time away from that family, then all of a sudden the man wants to see his cousin's new god-daughter and they fall in love and are married before the end of the calendar year?!? How weak!
I do have one good thing to say about this book : Some of the recipes seemed interesting enough to try out. Most seemed pretty common. However there were a few that seemed to shine, only time and cooking will tell.
The ending of this book was a bittersweet moment for me. It was a happy moment for me because I was now finished with this terrible book. But I was also completely frustrated with the ending events that brought a close to this story. I am just glad I didn't buy this book and I got it through a book swap, which is where it will end up again, getting swapped.
I found this book at a used book store and was excited by the premise, as I do so dearly love to cook. The only thing I love better is reading, so this book really appealed to me. Shame it failed so very badly.
The letter format is an interesting one for a novel. However, by the time the first section of emails ended, I was so annoyed and irritated by the Lilly character that I almost didn't want to keep reading to find out why she and Val had fallen out so spectacularly. Then when the childhood letters started up, I found it very hard to believe that preteen girls would really exchange recipes like that, especially ones of such complexity. And the childish writing made the difficult recipes even harder to believe. Throughout the historical letters, there's always mention of one of the girls managing to have a friend or acquaintance give up a recipe, and I find that hard to believe as well. I've never met someone casually and come home with a recipe.
In general, I found the whole thing to be so very trite. There is really nothing new or unique in this novel. And the "twist" at the end, the letter that Isaac leaves for Val after his death, I could see coming from a mile away. I did not enjoy when the authors decided to revert to a narrative format near the end of the book. After a nearly three hundred pages of letters, it was quite jarring. I realize this is a ridiculously nitpicky thing to say, but the font used in the narrative portion is also very jarring. It felt like the people who had designed the book had decided to be just a bit too cute about the whole thing.
It seems that the only redeeming quality of this novel would be the recipes inside, if they turn out to be any good. It also helps that the book is extremely short, being written mostly in letter/email format, and the recipes take up quite a bit of space. So read the book for the recipes, but don't feel badly if you don't read anything else in this book.
When I added this book to my Goodreads shelf, I was a bit daunted by the large quantity of fairly negative reviews. I picked "The Recipe Club" up off of the Barnes and Noble bargain shelf, thinking that it looked like a fun, quick read to help me unwind from the past two years working on my MS. It has proven to be absolutely perfect for that role!
The format was really fun, easy-to-read, and kept me interested. The emails, letters, recipes, newspaper articles, tabloids, and other media were creative and (mostly) relevant to the plot. The overall flow of the book seemed abrupt at times and a bit forced, but there were times where it also flowed naturally and swept me up in its current.
Lilly and Val were not as well-developed and complex as I would have preferred, especially from a novel based on a correspondence. I would have expected far more insight into their personalities and relationship, but it all seemed fairly one-dimensional. Towards the end of the book, I appreciated the section in third-person, which lent me a better perspective on their actions and personal demeanor in addition to their written thoughts.
This was no great work of literature, but I really enjoyed it as a quick, fun, fairly mindless read. It certainly served a purpose, and it served it well!
What makes a good trashy light-reading book, & what makes a bad trashy light-reading book? I wish I knew! I wish I could define it. This for me was a good trashy light read & I had loads of fun with Lilly & Val! They are two friends who grow up together & begin a tradition of writing one another letters & sending recipes back & forth because from a young age they both enjoy cooking. Though they are very different, their friendship endures over the course of many years. Then a betrayal & a separation occur - & it is only many years later that they may be able to find each other again.
Lilly & Val are hopelessly stereotyped & insanely dramatic. Their parents are unbelievably one-dimensional. There's a family secret that you can see coming almost from the beginning. Nevertheless, there was just something really fun about this book. It's like your favorite soap opera come to life! I also love a good epistolary novel & this one also has a few random newspaper articles & so forth scattered through it. I loved the recipes - chocolate chip cannoli! Pen Pal Pecan Rice! Currant Ginger Scones! Starry Night Scampi! It made me want to get together with some best friends, cook, & eat! It's just a lot of fun if you don't expect it to be more than it is.
- 2 poorly fleshed out characters, preferably stereotypes that you feel like you've met before. One should be smart and awkward, the other a self centered performer type starved for love and attention (a good example would be CC and Hillary from "Beaches")
- Add a dash of adult characters who all seem to be co-dependent or otherwise mentally unstable.
- 1 incredibly trite "twist" that you see coming from about page 30.
- 1 predictable ending that ties everything up neatly so that everyone can live happily ever after.
Mix all ingredients, slap on an interesting looking cover and bake. Sprinkle cleverly titled recipes throughout.
This was not good. The two stars are because a few of the recipes look interesting.
Wow! I was a bit blown away by this book! I think because my expectations were very low. I have owned it for several years. Purchased this on a whim as a library sale. Firstly, I love epistolary novels! Reading written correspondence can be very revealing in a way that face-to-face conversation may not be. And there are so many recipes I plan to try! I rarely find many recipes that interest me, but these do!
Lilly and Valerie's friendship was heartbreaking and yet hopeful in the end. I have a somewhat vaguely similar experience, but cannot imagine what they endured... Sometimes the stupidity and selfishness of adults regarding children is appalling!
Painful to read because of the awkward and poorly written style. I ended up skimming most of this mostly epistolary novel (why would it switch from letters/emails to "regular" storytelling? Unclear and unnecessary). The dialog is clumsy, the writing is unpolished, the book is just.....dull and disappointing. Even the big "secret" at the end was, quite frankly, just not that interesting.
This heartwarming book was so creative and fun to read. It begins as emails going back and forth through two former friends. We can tell there is some tension and you immediately want to know why. The book then flashes backwards to the childhood of these friends, through Pen Pal type letters. The letters dont tell you everything like a book does. You never are privy to what happens between each letter or when the girls are together unless they write about it to each other. With the letters they send each other recipes. Some of them are easy and quick to make and others become more complicated and experimental. You get to grow up with Lilly and Val, experience love, loss and fun. After the misunderstand separates them, the book transforms into a typical fashion, giving the reader a bit more focus into the life of the two women. It then ends full circle with emails. I found this approach so interesting.
If you are anything like me the story will engross you and you will need to clear your schedule to read this book in one sitting.
This book just lends itself to a creative review, so here goes.
The Recipe Club's Review Recipe
1 cup funny (especially when Lilly fills out Val's sex questionnaire) 2 tsp melodramatic 1/2 cup of "tried to hard" (At times I thought that the authors went a little overboard on the emotions and language...a little to poetic and strained out for simply letters written between two friends) 2 cups of Lilly being a bitch for every 1 cup of Val being clingy and whiny 1/2 cup predictable 1 lb recommended to read when NOT hungry Opinion seasoned to taste
Even though the above recipe sort of puts this book in a negative light, I did enjoy it and I do recommend it. The novel definitely hit the nail on the head when it comes to the "ups and downs" of friendship. I just wish that the language would have been simpler, at least for the part when they were kids.
This is also a very quick read. The book is written in letter/email for so not every page is full. Also, some pages are recipes only. The 400 pages should not scare you.
Didn't like this book. Nope. Not a bit. It was well written. Definitely. The authors have skills and really remember what it was like to be young. The pitch is perfect and the book reads more like real letters between young women than like a novel written by two friends. Still. I didn't like it. Even while I could find things to admire about the writing, I just didn't like the book. One of the characters is a selfish you-know-what and was even as a child. The other is pitiable and I keep wondering why she's putting up with the other girl. It makes me sad that she's so lonely that she would be willing to be treated so badly from a so-called friend. I need happier books than this.
I am a sucker for an epistolary novel and this collection of letters, emails, articles and recipes is a great use of the genre.
Lilly and Val are friends at an early age, but NYC is no small town, so they have to rely on letters to keep in touch. They build a friendship with letters and by exchanging recipes. As they grow, their parents' relationships hover over their friendship in a way that isn't completely healthy, as Lilly's psychiatrist father treats Val's mother for agoraphobia and takes an interest in Valerie's education.
Eventually, the two young women grow apart and a final betrayal severs their friendship until years later when they try to pick up the pieces.
The recipes fit the narrative so well, reflecting the time and social standing of each of the girls. It took me a bit to get used to each character's voice, but once I did, I enjoyed reading their letters to each other and that epistolary experience of reading between the lines.
After falling in love with Julie and Julia, I was thrilled to have received a copy of : The Recipe Club: A Tale of Love and Friendship. (This book was received from Caitlin Price at FSB Associates).
(about the book--from amazon.com)
Lilly and Val are lifelong friends, united as much by their differences as by their similarities. Lilly, dramatic and confident, lives in the shadow of her beautiful, wayward mother and craves the attention of her distant, disapproving father. Val, shy and idealistic—and surprisingly ambitious—struggles with her desire to break free from her demanding housebound mother and a father whose dreams never seem to come true.
In childhood, “LillyPad” and “Valpal” vow to form an exclusive two-person club. Throughout the decades they write intimate letters in which they share hopes, fears, deepest secrets—and recipes, from Lilly’s “Lovelorn Lasagna” to Valerie’s “Forgiveness Tapenade.” Readers can cook along as the girls travel through time, facing the challenges of independence; the joys and heartbreaks of first love; and the emotional complexities of family relationships, identity, mortality, and goals deferred. But no matter what different paths they take or what misunderstandings threaten to break them apart, Lilly and Val always find their way back together through their Recipe Club . . . until the fateful day when an act of kindness becomes an unforgivable betrayal.
Now, decades later, while trying to recapture the trust they’ve lost, Lilly and Val reunite once more—only to uncover a shocking secret. Will it destroy their friendship, or bring them ever closer?
My Thoughts: I generally like epistolary style novels, and I thought this book was very good. I enjoyed the friendship aspect of the story of these gals, polar opposites, who began as pen pals, writing letters, and exchanging recipes at an early age. As the girls entered adulthood, letters turned into emails, and the carefree life and secrets of childhood, became real life problems and stresses of adulthood. I also enjoyed the way some 80 recipes were included, along with photos and illustrations. I actually tried the Starry Night Scampi and the Stuffed Peppers (which we enjoyed), and hope to try the Peanut Butter Blondie bars soon too. If you are looking for something more in a novel than a story about the trials and tribulations of friendship, then this book may be worth a try. RECOMMENDED
I received this book from the publisher through the Goodreads book giveaways. At first I didn't think I'd like the it because the format are letters written between the two main characters. Reading old letters of people who I have no connection with hold no interest for me, but slowly as the book unfolds and you get the bigger picture between the two old friends you can relate more to the emotional sides of both parties. I could remember feeling the same way they did to situations in their past with their parents and towards each other as they grew to be the people they eventually became. Also reconnecting with childhood friends over the past few years that I haven't seen in almost as many years as these two women had been apart was another thing that connected me to this book.
In the end the presentation made the book easy reading. I enjoyed the twist and am always a sucker for a happy ending.
I received this for Christmas from my mom as part of our tradition of exchanging books every year.
It's definitely an unusual premise, I'll give it that. And I'm curious to see where it goes. But I have to say that I think the letters written when the girls are teens do not quite capture the essence of teen writing. Even the most sensitive and bookish 13-year-old would probably not describe the feeling of the wind in the pines at camp as making her skin tingle. I also don't think a teen girl would tell her friend to stop talking about her conquests with boys because it offends her. She would more likely want to know all about it! I have to wonder if the writers don't remember their girlhoods as well as they think they do. Or maybe they were trying to guess how a bookish girl would talk.
Through a series of letters and, later on, emails, we follow Lilly and Val through their childhood and into college. Their friendship, once so close, takes twists and turns that inevitably break the bond they shared.
I am always fascinated by the novels that are told by means of letters. This has the benefit of including some interesting recipes as well! I loved seeing the friendship of these two through the words they wrote to each other, and experienced the heartbreak they endured when their paths through life took them in different directions.
This was incredibly well written and true to life. There is a section where one of the characters chooses to get an abortion, which some readers may find offensive and distasteful. It is handled ina respectful, nonjudgmental way, something I appreciated.
I found this book to be truly enjoyable. I loved how it started out with Lilly and Val re-connecting via email and then we progress to go back into time and experience the letters and recipes that they exchanged throughout their tumultuous friendship. I liked both of the characters but I seemed to be more drawn to the reserve and quiet Val. The only thing that was a drawback for me were the recipes. They seemed to be too involved and not anything that I would remotely be interested in making. With that being said, this is still a good book and I read it over a course of two days. I would recommend this to those that enjoy epistolary books, recipes, and how friendship can be restored over exchanging some once-forgotten memories and to be willing to forgive
I'm only 44 pages and 4 recipes in and damn, INTENSE. I am intrigued. The relationship obviously had a very pivotal break and I can't wait to get to it.
Ok, so it's finished. I really, really wanted to like this story. But overall, it was disappointing and weird. This was not a friendship I could relate to AT ALL. The recipes are only so-so. I copied a few to try later. I was truly excited about this book. I was looking forward to the creative narrative of sharing letters over the years and then later email. That part was good. However, the crux of my disappointment lies in the relationship between the two girls. I found myself just wanting to finish it. My advice to readers, skip it. But if you choose to read it, do so electronically – it’s freaking dense and heavy.
This was a quick read, an enjoyable one for the summer. The friendship and recipe club pulled me in. Friendships are satisfying, comforting, and sometimes tricky as they can come to mean "family" in every sense of the word! And these two females experience this! I enjoyed the "time travel" back to the sixties and forward, letters to emails, songs and fashion, women's roles in society, ... A few times I felt the females were like Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey from the movie Beaches, opposites with turbulent yet deeply connected souls! And friends often celebrate their togetherness with food involved somehow! Go cook one of ( or more of) the recipes!!!! Enjoy!
Zwei beste Freundinnen, die durch Unbedachtheit ihre Freundschaft verlieren. Die sich langsam wieder annähern, bis ein Gehimnis offenbart wird. Das Buch ist in Briefform geschrieben und geschmückt von Rezepten (das ein oder andere werde ich mal ausprobieren), was es leicht und locker macht. Ansonsten finde ich die Geschichte ein wenig langweilig, es ist einiges sehr vorhersehbar und klischeehaft. Nette Lektüre für zwischendurch, aber auch nicht mehr.
First of all it is not a cookbook. I have no idea what my brother was thinking about when he gave it to saying it will teach me how to make my Zomick's bread better. Anyhow I read it and can say it is nothing special. Took me a lot more time to finish it, maybe because I am not much into reading this type of novels. - Zomick's Bread
This was not a novel about food and friend in the manner in which I anticipated. Were there recipes? Yes. Did they have anything to do with what was happening in the book? No. Was there friendship? Yes. Did the friendship only occur in the adolescent versions of the character, thus perpetuating the ideal that woman can not be friends? Yes. Did it end well. Yes. Did it end realistically? No.
"I had an epiphany of sorts". This seemed like a cool idea - letters exchanged between friends along with recipes. But, in the end, it was lame. There was never really a good explanation for the letters (why not call?) and no explanation or details that made the "recipe club" ring true. Too bad. And the recipes were not anything appealing either.
If I could give this less than one star, I would. It was awful. Poorly written, very choppy, and a pretty poor story to boot. It even had a (SPOILER!) "Luke, I am your father," moment. It was almost painful to read. I stuck with it to the end thinking it must have some redeeming quality, but I failed to find it.
I'm a sucker for a book that centers around food, but apparently only if they are true accounts. I really didn't like this book. I just wanted to read it as fast as possible, so I could move on. I don't have to like the characters, but they have to at least interest me. Unfortunately, I didn't connect with Lilly or Val or their accounts from their childhood friendship and their reconnecting.
Many cultures focus important events and celebrations around food. The Recipe Club is no exception as readers are introuced to the lives of Val and Lily.
The Recipe Club is a compilation of emails and letters written back and forth between Val and Lily. Friends since their childhood they have not spoken in over 26 years. Both come from dysfunctional families with thier own issues that they struggle with as they come of age during the 60's. Val's mother is neurotic and constantly depressed, while Lily's beautiful mother overshadows her daughter.
As children Val and Lily formed a club "The Recipe Club" exchanging recipes that mirrored the events of their lives. Love is celebrated with Holy Cannoli Chocolate Chip Cannolis, Diploma Dip with Veggies is perfect for a college graduation.
Their relationship picks up in 2000 instigated by the death of Val's mother. However old wounds do not easily heal and the two friends are still angry over past events.
The book includes a wonderful collection of recipes. The authors have been kind enough to include an index to make finding them easier.
Tales of Thanksgiving Food and Friendship By Andrea Israel and Nancy Garfinkel, Authors of The Recipe Club: A Tale of Food and Friendship
For some people, Thanksgiving evokes warm feelings triggered by memories of a close-knit family gathering, where relatives share traditions and a home-cooked meal.
For others . . . it's the beginning of a holiday season stuffed with lunatic relatives, family dysfunction, bitter recriminations, and heartburn.
We heard a wide range of Thanksgiving Tales this year while traveling around the country for our Recipe Clubs. Inspired by the plot and structure of our book, Recipe Clubs are storytelling and friendship circles in which women gather to share true-life food-related stories along with recipes. Recipe Clubs are not about cooking; they're about creating community and fostering friendship . . . they're about laughing and crying . . . they're about honoring our own lives and the lives of others. They show us how the simplest, sweetest, or funniest tales about food can turn into deep revelations about our lives.
Just about everybody has at least one quintessential Thanksgiving food memory that perfectly captures the complicated feelings surrounding the holiday. Here are some of our favorites:
GIVING THANKS One Recipe Club friend recalls the first time she ever cooked a Thanksgiving meal on her own. Her mother, who traditionally did the meal, was recovering from surgery. Her father was working. And her sister was flying in just in time for the meal, but not early enough to help cook.
So our friend rose to the challenge, proclaiming that she would do the entire meal, on her own. No problem -- until reality set in. She woke at dawn, shopped, chopped, and soon realized her oven was half the size it needed to be. By the time the turkey wanted basting the chestnut stuffing required baking -- and the brussel sprouts were definitely not cleaning themselves!
But things really went south when it came time prepare her grandmother's famous pumpkin pie. This was the pie recipe that had been handed down through generations. If it didn't come out perfectly, our friend knew she'd feel like a failure.
Of course, nothing went right. The pie crust was too wet, then too dry. There was too much nutmeg, not enough ginger. With every crimp of the dough her head swam with the imagined voice of her southern grandmother: "A woman is judged not just by who she is, but by what she can bring to the table."
When the pie came out of the oven, the crust was too brown, and there was a giant crack running down the middle of the filling. Our friend fought back tears, took a deep breath, and set the pie out to cool, knowing more clearly than ever that neither it -- nor she -- was, or would ever be, perfect.
But when it came time for everyone to gather at the table, something shifted. Her parents and sister praised her hard work and loved the meal. And our friend realized she had somehow been carried on the wings of the generations of women who had cooked before her, without complaining, to serve a Thanksgiving meal to their family. She felt truly thankful for all the work that her mother, grandmother, aunts -- indeed all the women she'd known through her life -- had accomplished each holiday. Triumphant, connected, and happy, she understood that food cooked with love is its own kind of perfection.
FINALIZING THE DIVORCE One Recipe Club friend recalled her first Thanksgiving after her divorce.
Since carving the bird had always been her ex-husband's job, she delighted in finding a new, turkey-free recipe. She settled on an apricot-glazed ham, and went to work cooking a glaze of brown sugar, cloves, and apricot nectar (an ingredient that gave her extra pleasure knowing her ex-husband detested it.)
When her grown children came for dinner, they were childishly upset not to have their usual 12-pound bird. But it was delicious, and in the end each one complimented the chef. On her way out, the youngest daughter told her mother, "maybe we all need to learn how to gracefully accept change."
For this new divorcee, serving ham became a way of asserting her independence, showing her children there was life after marriage, and teaching the whole family to find new ways to be together.
IT'S ALL RELATIVE The truth is, we don't pick our relatives. So if the Thanksgiving gathering of the clan is an annual emotional challenge, you aren't alone.
In a recent Recipe Club circle of old friends and new acquaintances, we met a woman who admitted that for most of her life she dreaded Thanksgiving; all it evoked for her were memories of family fights. The contrast of what she knew Thanksgiving was "supposed" to be, versus what it was in her home, always made her feel ashamed and disappointed. And yet every November she felt compelled go home for a family Thanksgiving meal.
But one year, that changed, when her parents and brother decided to have Thanksgiving away from home. They journeyed together to Nantucket, where they ate dinner at a seaside inn. The inn served a New England clam chowder, rich with cream and warm on a cold autumn night. And they discovered that a new location, with new foods, away from the house where memories were often more fiery than the jalepeno cornbread, turned out to be just what the family needed.
Now, every year, back at home, they have a new tradition: serving New England Clam Chowder at their Thanksgiving feasts, each spoonful bringing back fond memories of a peaceful and loving family holiday.
A FAMILY OF FRIENDS Finally, a little tale of food and friendship.
A reader of our book told us that she had a choice this year. She could invite Uncle Tim and Aunt Zoe, the way she does every year, and spend the entire holiday worrying about whether or not the perpetually complaining couple were happy. She could include cousins Beth and Sean, knowing they would be competitive, putting down her choice of food, her way of cooking, her table setting. She could extend an invitation to her brother and dreaded sister-in-law, who would sit in silence the entire meal and pick at the food.
Or . . . she could shake things up and do something entirely different: invite only friends. True friends. People she enjoyed being with. Who made her laugh. Who spoke truthfully. Who shared her passions for good books, good wine, and good music.
She took the leap. She dumped the whiners, broke with tradition, irritated several family members -- and never looked back. The moral: good food and good friends are the perfect combination. Sometimes it's a good idea to trim the guest list before you serve the bird with all its trimmings.
Author Bios for The Recipe Club: A Tale of Food and Friendship Andrea Israel is a producer/writer for ABC's Focus Earth. She was a producer/writer on Anderson Cooper 360, Dateline, and Good Morning America (which garnered her an Emmy Award). Her story In Donald's Eyes was recently optioned for a film. Ms. Israel is the author of Taking Tea. Her writing has appeared in many publications.
Nancy Garfinkel is co-author of The Wine Lover's Guide to the Wine Country: The Best of Napa, Sonoma, and Mendocino(Chronicle Books, 2005). A creative strategist, design consultant, writer, and editor for magazine, corporate, and non-profit clients, she has won a host of graphic arts and editorial merit awards. She has written extensively about food and graphic arts.