Are You My Guru?: How Medicine, Meditation & Madonna Saved My Life

by Wendy Shanker

Read Wendy Shanker's blogs and other content on the Penguin Community.

From the author of The Fat Girl's Guide to Life —an insightful and humorous memoir of one woman's quest to navigate the world of alternative healing.

At age 33, Wendy Shanker was on the verge of Have It a Midwestern girl living in Manhattan, writing for television, mingling with celebrities, and publishing her first book. Plus, she had a fierce haircut. Life was good. Then suddenly, it wasn't.

Diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease, Wendy knew she was in for it- at the very least a cocktail of chemo and steroids (certain to challenge her body image), a bustling career put on hold, and a major hurdle to her dating life. When she ran out of medical options, Wendy found herself exploring everything from acupuncture, colonics, and energy healing to detox retreats, tarot card readers, and an intuitive therapist who wanted her to talk to her liver. Surely there must be a guru somewhere who can fix everything-right? Watch a Video

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Health, Biography, Spirituality

304 pages, Paperback

First published September 7, 2010

About the author

Wendy Shanker's humorous, hopeful memoir about women and body image, The Fat Girl's Guide to Life (Bloomsbury USA) changed the way many women related to their weight. You may have seen Wendy discussing her book on The View, Good Morning America, CBS Sunday Morning, or on her national tour sponsored by Macy's Woman. The Fat Girl's Guide was recently released in paperback, and will be published in seven different languages, including Italian, German, and Japanese (but not French because French Women Don't Get Fat).

Wendy's byline has appeared in Glamour, Grace , Self, Shape , Us Weekly (Fashion Police), Cosmopolitan, Marie-Claire, Seventeen, alternative mags like Bust and Bitch, and on MTV. She contributed to the anthology Body Outlaws: Rewriting the Rules of Beauty and Body Image (Seal Press), and her essay Big Mouth: Women; Appetite was recently published in The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide To Guilt (Dutton).

Also, check out her introduction in the new book Big Girl Knits: 25 Big, Bold Projects Shaped for Real Women with Real Curves (Potter Craft).

Wendy is honored to be a national spokesperson for NOW's Love Your Body Day get info at http://loveyourbody.nowfoundation.org . She's also the senior beauty editor for the e-zine for a well-rounded life, AmaZe (www.amazemagazine.com). You know what that means: free makeup.

Between viewings of Rescue Me and reruns of The Office, Wendy is currently working on her next book.

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like this one as much as I liked Shanker's first, The Fat Girl's Guide to Life. Fat Girl was smart, empowering and encouraging; Guru was whiny, aimless, annoying. I really hate to say that, given that the topic of the book was Shanker's handling of a terrible autoimmune disease. I mean, how can you be so heartless as to call someone dealing with an illness "whiny," but I'm sorry, that's how it came off. And it was frustrating, because I really wanted to like this book, because for the past couple of years I've been dealing with my own chronic illness. I really wanted that take-no-bullshit, pull-your-big-girl-panties on, big, bold, funny voice from Fat Girl, but what I got was, well, fat girl rolled up in a little ball of "Help me, please Help me."

And I totally excuse her for that. Not that she even needs an excuse, but what I'm saying is that I understand.

I think the problem for me, and this tends to generally be a problem for me, was the clueless elitism that came across as Shanker tripped along to various alternative therapies and treatments at will and at random while thousands (millions) of, not only Americans, but people around the world cannot afford access to basic health care.

Yep, I think that was a big part of it.

I found it very difficult to access my normally high level of compassion and empathy for others, specifically Shanker in this case, while she was commiserating her miserable, unhealthy fate...lying on a table full of acupuncture needles...while how many people die for lack of a single dose of any given drug because they don't have the money to purchase it, or the insurance to pay the people to purchase it for them?

Honestly, I was really confused as to how Shanker could afford her quest for treatment(s) (s) (s). I couldn't keep up with whether or not or even how she was employed.

By the end, I found myself finishing the book out of I've-already-read-so-much-of-it obligation. Disappointing. - 1 star, because there were some funny parts

[Marjorie Ingall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full disclosure: Wendy is a good friend. But oh, this book makes me so proud that she is. She writes with so much humor and so much humanity about having a really crappy illness. As she points out, how sucky is it to have to get chemo but NOT be able to say you have cancer? To have some rare auto-immune thing no one has ever heard of and there's no ribbon or walk-a-thon for? To have to cope with the loss of your looks when you've only recently come to accept that you and your body are beautiful? (Wendy's last book, also delightful, was The Fat Girl's Guide to Life.) I think if Wendy weren't my friend, this book would make me feel as if she were -- the tone is hilarious and intimate. It's hard to write about your own body and your own sickness without sounding like a total narcissist, and Wendy does it. She also writes so movingly about her mom's sudden death (and her family's repressed silence about it) when she was a child, and how that has affected her attitudes about health and weight. This book will resonate with anyone who feels baffled and betrayed by her own body, or spiritually lost...and isn't that everyone?

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actually, I am re-reading this book AGAIN. I love Wendy's attitude in the book and her willingness to try different treatments. I admire her ability to write about her illness with humor and balance. It's fun to re-read the MTV and the Oxygen network scenes and all those Madonna moments. The Duke diet camp section is pretty hilarious. In the book, she's your basic diet-coke drinking skeptic of non-Western medicine but agrees to try some of the most outrageous cures imaginable. (However, she draws the line at putting dead pigeons all over her body.)Her dead-pan humor and patience with this whole business of being sick inspires me, although she does have her rock-bottom-hitting moments. I guess she comes across as a very smart & savvy real woman who's dealing with some serious sh*t in an elegant and unfussy manner. Maybe that's why this is one of my "comfort" books--I turn to it when I'm feeling flustered, or spiraling off into an anxiety attack, or just plain feeling STUCK.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wendy Shanker experiences hell as she is diagnosed with Wegner's disease, an extremely rare autoimmune disorder yet conveys her tale in a way that is humorous (love the Madonna song titles as chapter headings), reflective, and brave. Anyone who has experienced a life-changing medical condition will find many parts of this book to ring true - how others relate or do not relate to you, trying to fight your body in a battle that can't be won - only tamed, attempting to live the life you once had, grasping at anything that resembles normalcy, experiencing days that you just want to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. I have been there, and this book brought me some solace. People read for entertainment; people read to make connections. This book jumped out at me at the perfect time in my life, and I find Shanker to be inspirational in her fight.

[Angela Wix · Rating 3 out of 5]

With how much I loved the portions that I loved, I'd say it all averages to three stars.

I almost stopped reading, but at page 80 things shifted and I LOVED THE BOOK. I couldn't put it down and finally felt like this was something I could relate to. "Are you my guru?" I've asked this question, I've lived this life. I don't have this specific disease, but I have what I have and deal with chronic crap as well. I've bounced from Western to Eastern to nothing and back again, been desperate, had highs, and lows. Her ending message of having to be your own health care advocate in a world where doctors are gods rang true. You know yourself better than anyone, so pay attention. You might never attain the level of health you are hoping and striving for, but you can still live. These were all messages I needed to here and I'm glad I got to them.

[Jules · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this a really unusual book to read. Worrying, captivating, attentive, inquisitive yet fun are all words I could attribute to this book and, despite some ‘difficult’ content, it proved an overall pleasure to read.

Shanker describes at some length her journey with a chronic and potentially life-threatening illness. Strongly refusing to take a medical doctor’s word at face value she explores alternative therapies and healings to help her towards her quest of physical and mental peace and wellness. Her journey for me seems astounding as she never tires of re-seeking health and is open-minded enough to refuse pills (when they lead her to more actual suffering than wellness) and is spiritual enough to ‘embrace’ enemas as just ‘another’ physical/mental deep-cleanse!

Any fellow sufferer (of whatever condition) will easily relate to this book as it encapsulates the resolute courage required to ‘keep battling on' when you are often so already worn right down. It’s easy to relate to Shanker (is she anything but honest? – her free-range mention of the enema stuff again (par exemple) definitely makes her SEEM so) and her quick-wit, openness, wry turn of phrase and ability to use a little Yiddish humour now and again only add to her narrative charm.

Shanker runs the narrative through a long-standing Madonna obsession (she is oft mentioned and featured) and each chapter is neatly named by an appropriate Madonna song. The Madonna symbolism has to be strong here – for what is Madonna if not ruthless, calculating, hopeful, clever, intelligence, fierce, challenging and uncompromising? Noticeably her inclusion fosters fighter-territory and all the qualities of our Madge and our sufferer are shared.

What I personally loved about this book was the quest factor. As a sufferer Shanker does not stop in her quest for freedom. She realises that life is a battle and that health is often underestimated and unappreciated. Her learning about life, medication, therapies, communicating, eating and just simply BEING embrace culture and various shades of humanity; Shanker is a clever, funny and inspiring seeker. Her book reduces ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ to Humpty Dumpty status.

In her ongoing quest for health, I wish her luck. As a writer, I thinks she’s up there; fab, fab, fab!

Will I read her other stuff? You betcha - I'm already checking out her website!

[Rachel Kramer Bussel · Rating 5 out of 5]

5.0 out of 5 stars Spirituality, Western and Eastern medimne, and Life With a Chronic Autoimmune Disease, September 21, 2010
By Rachel Kramer Bussel "Cupcakes Take the Cake ... (New York City) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE) (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)
This review is from: Are You My Guru?: How Medicine, Meditation & Madonna Saved My Life (Paperback)
Shanker offers up an incredibly moving, funny, intense look at living with an autoimmune disease. This memoir isn't an excoriation of Western medicine, but it does show how even with health insurance, when faced with a long-term illness like Shanker has, there is no easy or cheap answer.

She chronicles her career and weight ups and downs, which are balanced against the blunt drama of her illness; her nose starts to literally fall off, she can't smell, and her body is extremely compromised. To try to understand what's happening to her, she reads and researches but is also willing to try almost anything--except putting pigeons on her body to absorb her illness, which is suggested by her father and a rabbi. Through this episode, in all its outrageousness, Shanker also shows that when she was in the depths of, basically, bodily hell, she didn't stoop to something like this, but in the back of her mind there is at least the shadow of a question of whether it could have worked.

Shanker doesn't make light of her illness at all; in fact, I put this book down a few times because I had trouble with how terrible her life seemed at times, not because of her storytelling but because of the starkness of Wagener's granulomatosis. There is, however, both humor and an immense amount of heart as she navigates various philosophies regarding treatment. She rightly counters the healers who say that if you only wish hard enough, your illness will go away, but sends up and stumps one of her doctors when she manages to make her liver problems dissipate using Eastern methods. Shanker also offers advice to family and friends who are trying to help someone with a prolonged illness, and while she doesn't offer false hope, like her idol, she does offer a ray of light (and I do hope Madonna reads about the concert Shanker attends that makes that phrase truly come alive).

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5-4 stars
A few spoilers...
There were beautiful moments of enlightenment and great details about her own life dealing chronic illness but then there would some areas that had too much detail and other areas I felt didn't need to be there at all (too much spirituality & weight loss). When I got the book I thought the title meant Mary = Madonna and not Madonna the singer. I was reading a book about a nun at the time. Forgive me? Easy mistake. To be honest, I don't know how effective and resonant the pop culture icon was in the book. Telling the author at her entertainment job in NYC "to be brilliant" could have been her tag line like what she wrote in books & on her CDs at the time. Yes, she adapted to her life but it was a thin thread to keep an entire book together. The information about her doctors, friends, parents was much more insightful and real. Her descriptions of procedures (and I have been through a biopsy) was stellar! A+ I understood completely about how she felt on all the drugs. She talked about being heavy yet she never talked about actual food that much which I found odd. I did think her time talking about weight loss took up too many pages. Yes, it needs to be discussed but I think it fought being "a weight loss memoir" for awhile there. I will say this: Wendy is NOT afraid to say stuff about herself -- weight-wise, gross-wise (nose bleed), constipation for ___ days, dealing with side-effects of her own illness. She went THERE every time and that is admirable and as a writer myself I admire that.

I enjoyed learning about the meditation & medication (see title) but Madonna portion just didn't do it for me. Not strong enough thread as I said and I'm, perhaps not a big enough fan. I just thought it reached too much. And took away from the topic that needed the attention. The pop culture tidbits were cute.

Great writing, overall. I like that the author didn't sugar-coat her experiences. Would recommend to chronic illness patients, especially those who love Madonna & have a leaning toward Eastern medicine -- at least open to it.

[Sheana · Rating 5 out of 5]

At thirty-three years old, a rare autoimmune disease strikes down this New York City transplant living a satisfying professional and social life. Shanker's career and life are put on hold as she, like so many of us chronically ill, searches for a doctor to treat her who knows what s/he doing. When that fails, Shanker sets out on a hilarious and desperate journey into alternative medicine.

This book had me laughing out loud. In one scene, I had to put the book down, only to come back to it and realize the scene wasn’t over. It. Kept. Cracking. Me. Up, which was as if an old funny friend had come to visit and cheer me up. Shanker’s search for health mirrors the lengths we all go to, even the most cynical and pragmatic of us, when western medicine fails us. Our willingness to try what, prior to illness, would have seemed ludicrous belies the simultaneous desperation and faith of those dealing with chronic illness. In the vein of Eat, Pray and Love, Shanker's memoir is that unexpected feel-good book that you never want to finish.

[Kecia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Other GR reviewers found this book to be cute, funny, and witty, but not me. I found nothing cute, funny or witty about it. OK, I take that back. The part about the pidgeon had me rolling on the floor with genuine laughter...that part was so unexpected and outrageous it was funny. But the rest of the story was sad, sad, sad.

I ever met Wendy I doubt we would be friends. Through the entire book I just wanted to grab her and say STOP! The woman is on full octane the entire time. It made me crazy just reading about it. By the final chapter I felt like she had changed and found some light in her life...I hope that continues for her.

This is the second book I've read about a woman with an autoimmune disease, the other being Brain on Fire. It is rare but seriously scary stuff. If I were Wendy I think I would try everything, short of pidgeons of course, too.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really wonderful book. This lady had a fairly rare autoimmune disease, difficult to diagnose and treat. It showed how western medicine is sadly lacking in treating many types of illnesses,and how western doctors have blinders on as to any beneficial role eastern medicine, alternative health practices and spirituality can play in healing. The author documents her journey , sometimes out of desperation, into finding solutions and treatments for her health with alternative methods, and how this caused her to grow spiritually. She has a wicked sense of humor and is also keenly intelligent. Her spiritual breakthrough comes from the unlikely combination of Madonna and a brand of mystical Orthodox Judaism. Very enlightening, interesting and entertaining.

[Tristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a lucky winner of this book through the Pretty Pear blog. First let me say that this is not for the weak of heart. Wendy Shanker goes into great detail about her illness and the physical outcome of not just her illness but the healing treatments she experiences. It's an engrossing read (and a gross read?) and her journey to finding her own spiritual healing path through Ayurveda, Madonna, and other Eastern, Western and Everything Else therapies is written with Shanker's signature wit and hilarity. There were MANY cringe-worthy moments in reading this, but her honesty and sense of humor make it a powerful read!

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this funny read about dealing with an autoimmune disease and trying to find the right treatment. Trying everything short of rubbing a pigeon on her, the author battles with the horrible symptoms of a super rare autoimmune disease called Wegener's and the even worse side effects of the hardcore medication she takes to treat the disease.

The three themes of medicine, mediation, and Madonna weave together in that she writes about the medicine her western doctors prescribe her, the alternative treatments she seeks from various eastern style healers, and of course, her love for Madonna...the queen of pop.

[Jennifer Thompson-Thalasinos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being someone with a chronic illness I've read other books related to managing chronic disease/memoirs in the past. What I've discovered ironically is the so-called Christian books don't do anything for me. I don't believe I'm being punished & therefore I have this illness, nor do I believe the devil gave it to me. I believe it's something that happened and there is a lesson to be learned. That's what I found in this book. I liked that Wendy didn't just stay with western medicine. I also loved that she related everything back to Madonna.

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Wendy's writing style (after finishing the book it would feel strange calling her by her last name)! This book is perfect for anyone with a friend or loved one with an auto immune disease or chronic illness. It really made me think about the topic in a new light. The author's humor and honesty about her own struggles made for a good read. She also provides resources in the back of the book. Great for those that have tried everything during their own illness (Eastern or Western Medicine--or both!)

[Linda Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish there were six stars - one more for choosing to write this book. How do you stare down the maw of eternity and tell it "don't call me, I'll call you?" How do you grind through a cruel medical journey and retain your fabulousness? What's the humor in a covert-operative disease? Wendy Shanker can and does let you know. You must read this book: for your improved well-being, the terrific storytelling, and to find out the beautiful significance of BTP, and Wendy Shanker's own M-n-M.

[Elizabeth Rowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was cute. I really enjoy books that highlight a person's quest to find guidance or faith or meaning in the world around them, because everyone's is different. I really wish that she had gone into more depth in the spiritual side of her story, but I couldn't help but feel happy when she finally was at peace with herself and she definitely made me chuckle. A good, quick, enjoyable read.

[Courtney Foster · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this really opened my eyes up to someone living with a lifelong disease. Her trials and tribulations were hard and I tried to imagine the cards she had been dealt. It was inspiring to say the least and she really fought her battle and I loved how she decided her body knew what was right. Everyone might have thought she had the perfect career and what not but in the end she realized that didn't matter. It takes a strong person to see that!

[Christine - Beach Reading is the Best Reading · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has suffered with an autoimmune disease, with so many complications, this book was brilliant. It managed to be informative, funny, and empathic all at once. While my disease is bad, the author's is so much worse. I can't imagine all that she's gone through, and I was inspired by her outlook, her humor, and her spirit. It made me want to be more like her. I highly recommend this book to anyone suffering from any autoimmune disease.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shanker adds just the right combination of seriousness with her disease and its affecs with her hilarious sense of humor at life and at chronic illness. She has a great self-deprecating humor. Great read. Especially as someone who deals with many of the same realities, I loved it. She really nailed what it's like to have things happening to you that you often have no control over.

[Tara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I became interested in this book as a Madonna fan - and I enjoyed that part of it, as the author is the same age as me. The rest, I must admit, was just not for me. But I recommend it if you're going through a similar experience (auto-immune disease) like self-help books and Ms Shanker's brand of humour.

[Mollified.Moments · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up this book because I'm going through my own health problems and have been seeking out alternative medicine options as a solution.

I loved her wit and sarcasm throughout the book. I found it very moving but didn't give it five stars because I thought there would be more holostic/alternative reading. Despite my expectations, it was still a great read!

[Leigh Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It was non-fiction so that made it even better. The author is witty and it was a very interesting story of her journey through illness... and the many ways she tried to heal herself. She was very open and thorough in her emotions and thoughts through this journey. I am I interested as well to see how she is doing now.. a couple of years later.

[Vivian Adram]

I love how Ms. Shanker wrote this! The main reason I picked this up was I was also starting to work on meditation, ayurveda and understanding myself better PLUS any book title with the word Madonna in it HAS GOT TO BE READ! And it was read. I admire Wendy's struggle but most of all that she persevered as a normal human being. Very real. Just like life.

[Dmehringer · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can you laugh your way through a story of a woman facing horrifying health situations? With great pleasure, thank you. Wendy Shanker's ability to take a situation, find the humor in it, and try to maintain a normal life anyway.... unforgettable story, great voice!

[Unwisely · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ... okay, I guess? This was one that I had read about somewhere and put on my to read list, and I didn't realize it was about a woman's battle with an autoimmune disorder.

It wasn't funny or fascinating, but, you know, it was okay? Not really my cup of tea, though.

[Jessica Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd give it 3.5 stars. Shanker is funny and honest, but reading her story of facing a debilitating disease that has no cure (Wegner's) was scary at times. The things she faced and dealt with are incredible!

[fc7reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed Wendy's memoir and found her writing funny. There is so much information in the book about autoimmune diseases. The best part, though, is the honest way in which she shares her thoughts -- good and bad -- it makes her very relatable.

[Brittni Cocachina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. Really needed something that would help me understand there's no one answer to healing. Enjoyed the comedy and being a Madonna fan LOVED the inclusion of her lyrics to move the story along. Great way to start 2015!