Still a Nice Guy

by Phil Torcivia, Nick Street (Illustrator)

Dating is a humorous struggle for a recently divorced man who has no clue what women want.Excerpt from Still a Nice Guy - What's Your Sign?Astrology is bullshit. That doesn't keep people--including First Ladies--from making decisions based on their horoscopes. Some women decide if they are compatible with a man based on his sign. "Oh, you're a Virgo? Well, then this will never work." She's right; it won't, because I don't want to waste time with a deluded person. It's time we come up with a new set of signs, and I'm just the man to do it.Hairies. Featuring Greeks and Italians, this group includes people with constant shower drain clogs and an arsenal of clippers and razors.Saggyderryarius. Old folks with droopy butts.Whorpio. Also known as "sex junkie," obsessed with enjoying the finer things in life in exchange for putting out.Borus. This includes people who dominate every group event and keep us all on the edge of our seats with their Facebook updates, or so they think.Gleeyo. One with obnoxious laughter hiding a deep depression.Hebra. Man with boobs.Ginani. Martini addicts. People who drink from triangular glasses and act catty.Furgo. Women with hairless privates that make it easy for men to find glory while fantasizing about their high school sweethearts.Glancer. Voyeurs who can't talk to women without staring down the cleavage.For you blue-collar Zone. Visit Del Mar, La Jolla, or Scottsdale to discover wild packs of these Botox-laden beasts.School Zone. Cougars out to teach youngsters how to make a Cosmopolitan and find the G-spot.Yield. A sign of indifference. I use this one often. It represents someone who would rather receive directions than guess what you want. It also means that I don't care what your sign is.

326 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Torcivia is a divorced man who transplanted himself from Pennsylvania into the treacherous dating pool in Southern California. His feline companions, Syd and Symon, share his home in San Diego and an occasional dish of leftover tuna. Torcivia loves nothing better than bellying up to the bar with his favorite social lubrication (wine) and watching the bizarre mating rituals of the locals, which he translates into humorous essays. He has been single long enough to be involved in a few train wrecks of his own, admitting that he's "one relationship disaster away from a third cat."

Reviews

[Kate Givans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yet another funny book by Phil Torcivia. I always enjoy his reads and never get tired of this author. Sure, the conversations can get a little racey, but really, isn't that why it's so popular? After all, if you can't have humor when it comes to relationships, they can get rather boring.