Emotional Resilience: Simple Truths for Dealing with the Unfinished Business of Your Past

by David Viscott

Emotional resilience is something we all want and need in order to face life unencumbered by unrealistic fears and to communicate freely with the people we love most.  

This book by expert David Viscott is a handbook for living the life you want and deserve. Reading Emotional Resilience is like having your own wise and supportive therapist at your elbow, helping you through hard times, difficult days, and unhappy relationships. All of the knowledge and insight of Dr. Viscott's distinguished career is distilled into this book and its ten basic truths that can change your life.

                        1. Tell the truth.
                        2. Face life openly. (what you avoid imprisons you.)
                        3. Say what you mean, feel, believe.
                        4. Accept yourself as you are.
                        5. Accept others as they are.
                        6. Know and accept your weaknesses.
                        7. Stop trying to prove yourself.
                        8. Let go of the past.
                        9. Give up false expectations.
                        10.  Take responsibility for your life and how it turned out.
                           What you are willing to take responsibility for frees you.

Dr. Viscott has spent three decades engineering therapeutic breakthroughs for his patients; in nearly all of these cases, it was the acceptance of some previously concealed truth that opened the way for healing to begin. The book's cardinal rule--resolve pain at the moment it arises--is remarkably simple, and it works! Read Emotional Resilience and resolve what's getting in the way of your sense of freedom and happiness now. Telling the truth and making positive choices can become a way of life.  

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Development

358 pages, Paperback

First published April 7, 1996

About the author

In 1980 Viscott began presenting his own full-time show on talk radio, and was notably one of the first psychiatrists to do so (talk station KABC). He screened telephone calls and gave considerable amount of free psychological counselling to his on-air "patients."

In 1987 Viscott briefly had his own live syndicated TV show, Getting in Touch with Dr. David Viscott, providing much the same service as his radio show. In fact, the shows ran concurrently. In the early 1990s he had a weekly call-in therapy television program on KNBC in Los Angeles early Sunday morning after Saturday Night Live, titled Night Talk with Dr. David Viscott.

Viscott's signature style was to attempt to isolate an individual's source of emotional problems in a very short amount of time.[citation needed] Many of his books were of a self-help nature, written to assist the individual with his/her own examination of life. His autobiography, The Making of a Psychiatrist, was a best-seller, a Book of the Month Club Main Selection, and nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.

Along with psychiatric advice, he would fall back on his medical knowledge to regularly devote entire segments of radio to answering medical questions. During these segments he would give medical advice. Many of the questions answered had to do with pharmacological advice. This was unique in the world of talk radio.

Viscott's popularity peaked in the early 1990s, and then fell sharply. A separation from his wife, followed by declining health, occurred at about the same time that he left the air waves. He died in 1996 of heart failure complicated by a diabetic condition. At the time, he was living alone in Los Angeles. He is survived by his four children, Elizabeth, Penelope, Jonathan, and Melanie.

Reviews

[Ahmad Sakr · Rating 4 out of 5]

الكتاب باختصار هو دعوة لكل شخص لأن يكتسب مرونة عاطفية كافية للتصالح مع ماضيه الذي يؤثر سلبا على حاضره ومستقبله..
المقصود بالمرونة العاطفية هنا ليس كما يتبادر للذهن للوهلة الأولى بأنها محاولة تجاوز تجربة عاطفية مع الجنس الآخر.. ولكن مقصود بها محاولة تجاوز اي أذي أو ضرر نفسي حدث للشخص في الماضي سواء من أب أو أم أو صديق أو حبيب..
يوضح الكاتب أنه على مدار ثلاثة عقود من عمله كطبيب نفسي أن التحولات الشفائية التي شاهدها كانت العامل الأساسي فيها هو قبول الحقيقة التي سبق نكرانها..
إن كتمان هذه المشاعر يخلق حالة من التوتر العاطفي تؤثر على الحاضر والمستقبل بالسلب، وقد سمى الكاتب حالة كتمان المشاعر تلك باسم " الدّين العاطفي " فالأمر ببساطة هو أنك مدين بالتعبير عن هذا الشعور المدفون.. وهذا هو المحور الرئيسي للكتاب..
كتاب جيد وقوي ومفيد.. كلنا يعترينا النقص وهذا الكتاب كاشف لكل شخص أمام نفسه وموضح لطرق العلاج.. انصح بقراءته لأصحاب النفس الطويل في القراءة أو لمن يعانون من مشاكل عاطفية مخزونة.. ودمتم بخير :)

[BUDOOR · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب رائع وأنصح به وسيساعد حتماً الجميع وبخاصة كل من مر بتجارب عائلية سيئة مع والديه مثالا أو مشاكل زوجية عالقة وهو لكلا الجنسين بلا تسويق ديني لذلك هو ملائم للجميع.

هذا الكتاب يستلزم مساحة صفاء وعزلة أثناء القراءة لأنه ببساطة سيضعك مع مواجهة مشاعرك السابقة، قد يكون محرضا لإفتعال شجار تعبيرا عن مرونتك العاطفية المفترضة لدى القراءة. وأحيانا لا أؤمن بهذه الكتب هنالك ذكريات وتجارب وقصص على المرء هجرها تماماً كحادثة عارض ، فآلتخلي عن فكرة الضحية أو التجربة السيئة والعيش وفق اللحظة الراهنة شيء قوي جدا. الكتاب مفيد في حاله عزلة لحل جميع مشكلات وذكريات الماضي الباقية عاطفياً ، لكن الحركة الأقوى دائماً هو الدهس على فكرة أنه لا يمكننا التحرر من الأمس. بالعكس ممكن جدا، عبر اختيار بناء حياة تتمحور حول اليوم وتسمح بغد أفضل.

[Nehal Abdurhaman · Rating 5 out of 5]

​
هذا الكتاب للجميع بلا إستثناء لمن عاش في ظل عائلة محبة و منسجمة و لمن عاش في عكس ذلك .
كما نهتم التفكير المنطقي و العقلاني فالعاطفة لا تقل أهمية عنه .
كيف تترسب داخلنا أحداث الجرح ، أو الرفض أو عدم الإهتمام أو الخوف من خسارة حب الوالدين و كيف تتشكل بصور مختلفة في سن متأخرة كالسبعين مثلا .
بأن نعبر عن مشاعرنا الحقيقية في وقتها للشخص الذي يستحق سماعها ان كانت مشاعر ألم وجرح أو غير ذلك .
ولعل ذلك برأيي أهم عملية في مرحلة الإستشفاء .
وكيف نهرب من السماح لأنفسنا بالحزن ، بالتجاهل و الإنخراط في أعمال أخرى .ولعل قصة ريتشارد نموذج متكرر في المجتمع .
نتجاهل و ننشغل من ان نعترف لأنفسنا بأننا جُرحنا . و من ثم تتراكم هذا المشاعر بغرفة خلفية داخلنا حتى تنفجر بشكل أو بآخر أو تفتك بِنَا و نموت و نحن لازلنا أحياء .
:
ذكر مراحل الحداد بطريقة منظمة و مرتبة

وتناول الكتاب أثر الخسارة على احترام الذات وهذه نقطة مهمة جدًا لأننا نخلق دفاعات و إدعاءات للحماية من فقدان احترامنا لذواتنا . لذلك في هذا المرحلة الاعتراف للنفس بما يحدث و القبول التام مهم ، يمكن ان تكون حافزًا قويًا للنمو اذا عومل الاعتراف بصدق . الإجبار على البحث في الإخفاقات و البحث عن طرق تصويبها.
بدون لوم أو تقريع للنفس .

[Melissa P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been on my shelf for a while. I think it's a good time to start it. I believe it was a little free library find. 🧡🤍

Loved this book. So much of it just made so much sense to me. There's a lot we don't know about each other. Some people easily get over things and others do not. Trauma can follow you from childhood. This book dives deep into this. It explains why some people think and act the way they do. It also encourages people to get help and do what they need to do to get better/feel better. So many times while I was reading this, I was nodding and agreeing with the words. I know when I get upset or angry, a lot of it is from past hurt and maybe not fully what is happening in the moment. I just really related to this. Definitely recommend. Whether you are going through your own hurt or maybe trying to understand someone else's hurt. This book will make a lot of sense. Happy reading. 😘

[Nick Blasier]

Man, this one helped a lot - enlightening. It just makes all the things in life that hurt the worst, and that I see hurting others the worst, make a little more sense. Its prescience is frightening - it made me feel a little silly at times to feel like I was reading my own direct life experiences in the "hypothetical" scenarios being laid out in the book. That's what was best about it I suppose - it felt deadly accurate. Lots of the encouraging books I read recently talked about processing emotions and living in the present - this book went so much further, talking about where these feelings come from, the why, *how* to be better at processing them. The encouraging and spiritual takes in other books were great, but by the time I made it to this book, I was definitely ready for something more informational, and I got it here. Definitely intend to buy this one and revisit it in the future.

[Colleen Wainwright · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dense and overwritten, "flow" is kind of the opposite of what this book does. It's a slog in places, and repetitive in other places, and humorless in pretty much all the places. Still, there's some good info to be extracted. The core tenets for living a sane and happy life make sense, especially the parts about getting down with the truth and not taking an excessive amount of crap from people. After discovering what happened to David Viscott in his own life, however, I would say this: the truths, they may be "simple", but they are certainly not easy.

[Buz Mayo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm finding this to be valuable in my own journey of emotional/spiritual renovation. I am appreciating the way Dr. Viscott puts words to some very complicated processes. He understands a great deal of the way our brains process information and emotions. I feel like I am taking a guided tour of my own emotional makeup and am finding the tour helpful to my soul.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should honestly say that I skimmed this book-I didn't read it word by word, but there's a lot of good information here. He even included Tolstoy's quote about good families being all alike but bad families being toxic in their own manner, a point I've found to be true. He covered different childhood losses (leaving out Death of a Sibling but includes an example of that), including being raised by parents with severe medical issues (an issue often ignored). If you're working through things, perhaps consider this book.

[Will Koslo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seldom does something get 5 stars but this book, it left me forever changed. Deep introspection is good for the soul. And this book will help you realize your own goodness as well as how you can make it through this life living freely and in the moment. Reading this book and taking responsibility will absolutely improve your life and the life of those you love. It will help you get through hard times. Be well.

[Nicole Sanchez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book in hopes of it helping me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Although I don't agree with everything in this book, It definitely opened my eyes and taught me some things. I will refer back to this book when I feel myself slipping again and need a reminder. I recommend this book if your going through a hard time and if you are still trying to quiet old demons.

[Emily Hadley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I highly recommend reading this book if you’re going through a depression, since I credit this book as helping me lift me out of mine. It helped me learn to deal with the truths that I needed to so that I could begin to heal. It taught me about triggers, their power and how to get past them long before this concept became a popular notion.

[ضُحَىٰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

يجعل الماضي أكثر مرونة وأقل ضررا مما اعتقدناه ،والأمر الأكثر مرونة فيه هو أن يشفي بعملية طبيعية بأربع أمور بمواجهة الماضي ثم بتقبله كون عيوبنا لا تنقص من قيمتنا بشيء ثم مسامحتنا للماض وللأشخاص الذي جرحونا ،ثم المغفرة لنا ولهم وهكذا نتحرر بلا ديون عاطفية متراكمة بلا قلق ومخاوف كان أساسها هو الماض لأننا لم نقدر على مواجهته .
لأن سر الصحة الذهنية بمواجهة تلك المخاوف لحظة وقوعها
لا بنكرانها .

[T · Rating 1 out of 5]

tl; dr

Emotional memory leads to baggage. Suppression does not mean elimination or resolving.

[Wayne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Within the first few chapters, one may discover certain patterns. One is that “the truth” lies at the core of all one’s difficulties. Another is that one’s particular attitude will undoubtedly lead to (the author fills in the blank for you). Is it not a possibility that one’s problems might be caused by a myriad of things other than “the truth?” Is it not a possibility that a person’s attitude might lead to any number of roads other than those the author specifically describes? Evidently, the author provides no room or discussion for variables. The author does, however, provide the reader with unsupported, blanket statements. The author’s words are not absolutes, yet they are presented as such.

[Robert Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, what a book. I normally read with great alacrity, but this book slowed me WAY down and held my attention, once it got it. I've read fiction books from the first-person perspective before, but never the second (and not that this is fiction). Viscott begins somewhat nebulously, but by chapter 9 he is in full swing and was complete captivating. I think the unending "you's" made me evaluate my own heart at every turn. I am more messed up than I am prepared to admit. I think everyone will feel that what when they read this book. But it is the only way forward. I feel like this book could've been shorter and accomplished as much, and his naïve Self Confidence talk is rather unthoughtful at time, but overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who can stand to look in the mirror this honestly.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rereading this again.

[Kristen Munson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being authentic and having authentic friends and relationships. Very good!

[Mahmoud Azaaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

It reveals a lot about life.

[Mona Randall · Rating 5 out of 5]

helped me accept my past and move forward and away from the negativity.

[Stephen Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I've read on how pain shapes a person. There are practical steps to deal with pain and a cohesive argument on how to implement techniques.