Your Seven-Year-Old: Life in a Minor Key

by Louise Bates Ames, Carol Chase Haber, Betty David (Illustrator)

Your Seven-Year-Old is devoted to the delightful but often anxious and withdrawn child of Seven. Although any seven-year-old will have moments of exuberance, security, and happiness, in general this is an age of introspection. As it begins, parents and teachers may welcome the quiet after the tussles and tangles of Six. But once the child of Seven starts to withdraw it’s almost as though he doesn't know where or when to stop. Seven-year-olds feel picked on by family, friends, and teachers alike; they worry that no one likes them; they expect every little task to prove too difficult to handle; tears come easily at this age.
 
With wit and wisdom, Dr. Ames of the highly respected Gesell Institute and Carol Chase Haber offer insights into what children this age are feeling and thinking, and how parents can best deal with these moody, serious Sevens.
 
Included in this book:
• New body awareness
• Sulking
• Concerns about fairness
• Stories from real life
• Fascination with horror, gore
• Threats of running away from home
• Life in the second grade
• Books for Sevens and the parents of Sevens
 
“Louise Bates Ames and her colleagues synthesize a lifetime of observation of children, consultation, and discussion with parents. These books will help parents to better understand their children and will guide them through the fascinating and sometimes trying experiences of modern parenthood.”—Donald J. Cohen, M.D., Director, Yale Child Study Center, Irving B. Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry, Pediatrics, and Psychology, Yale School of Medicine

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Reference

165 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1985

About the author

Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.

Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.

Reviews

[Leta Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly wish someone would take on the task of updating these wonderful, reassuring, and helpful books. They are incredibly helpful in terms of discussing behaviors associated with the various ages, but are definitely outdated in many regards, unfortunately. That doesn't mean you shouldn't buy or read the book! It simply means that you should be prepared for outmoded thoughts on gender (to a degree) and no longer acceptable terms like "Gyp" which is understood these days to be a racial slur. If you're capable of understanding that these books were written over twenty years ago, and filtering that information through today's lenses, then I think you'll find the books incredibly and undeniably soothing with regard to understanding your child at any age. I started this series with Your Six Year Old and just bought Your Seven Year old because my kiddo (who is almost seven) has been driving me nuts. Such a relief to read that all of her behaviors are common at her age. Sometimes a parent just wants to know that he/she hasn't failed utterly already at the child's tender age of seven.

[Kels · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really wish these could get an update. There are lots of books on the development of babies month by month and toddlers year by year. Looking at the general trends older kids go through year by year is such a useful tool, but these are severely outdated.

[Jey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this series. I have been reading them since Elizabeth was 3, and so far I find them incredibly insightful and wise. Almost every time I feel frustrated with my children's behaviors I can find a calming solution and answer in these books.

Here is a gem from this book: "In addition to having many worries and fears, the child of this age often feels that he has "all the bad luck." As one girl expressed it, "Why do I always have the bad luck? Why do things so often happen to me? I might as well be dead." The bad luck in this case was that it was time for her to go to bed."

And another: "Seven's characteristic expression may be a frown, with lips curled downward. Tears come easily, although the child may try to hold them back, because he is embarrassed to cry in front of other people. Also, Seven is easily disappointed. Things so often do not turn out as expect. If things go wrong at play, he is likely to leave the group, mumbling to himself, "I'm quittin'." At home a Seven-year-old boy rushes to his room and slams the door; he may even threaten to run away from home."

And the best, which more parents should be aware of: "People all too often do not behave in a way that satisfies the child of this age, who thinks they are mean, hateful, unfriendly, always picking on him. He thinks his teacher, especially, picks on him, and parents of Seven-year-olds are well advised not to believe all the tales of maltreatment and unfairness that their children may bring home from school."

[Deanna Brauer]

I'm fascinated about how right on this book is. It's helping me understand my soon-to-be 7-year-old much better. I love this author and have every book in this series.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as amusing as the ones about toddlers, but it's always interesting to compare oneself to the parenting styles of yesteryear.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have read a couple books in this series before. They have a good overall message in terms of knowing what developmentally is going on at that age (so that, if for instance, your 7 year old is sulky and complaining all the time, you know it’s normal for the age and not a sign you’ve ruined them already). However, a lot of the specifics are REALLY dated. For that reason, I don’t really like to spend the money to actually buy them, and will get them from the library if I can, to just read once.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always manage to read the books in this series right when I am convinced I have forever screwed up my children and failed as a parent. My takeaways from this one- 7 year olds are overwhelmingly negative and this disequilibrium phase lasts an entire year.

For people who've never read this series, they are very dated but chock full of great developmental information.

[Jena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this series of books. They are dated - but right on! Simple, approachable and insightful. I find them a big help and they always garner at least a few belly laughs. 'Your Seven-Year-Old' is no different.

[Jessica]

Some helpful reassurances about typical seven-year-old behavior. Published in the mid 1980s, and discussions of gender have not aged well.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, I mostly just needed the subtitle ("Life in a Minor Key") to reassure me that my struck-with-ennui 7-year-old was within the bounds of normal behavior. Lately my husband and I have been asking ourselves how we suddenly have a mopey 15-year-old in our lives in the body of a young boy, but this book explains it.

I've enjoyed the other age books in this series and try to pick up the coming age just as my children are turning it. Unfortunately, our library didn't have the one for 3 years old, so I'm winging that with his younger brother! ;)

The books, including this one, might not apply exactly to your child. They read a little like a fortune telling in that there's language that "Seven IS like this or that" rather than "could be," but then she also casts a wider net and suggest variations on typical behavior. But I do feel she's basing her descriptions on typical developmental patterns, which apply to many but not necessarily all of children in that age grouping.

One thing I've noticed, and she touches on this in the books as well, is that often there'll be a change halfway through the year. So 2 years old might be compliant and pleasant, but 2.5-3 might be a horror show. It gives me reassurance to read that other parents and kids are going through the same developmental struggles, and hope to know that if things are rotten, they'll change soon enough. (Of course, the other shoe is that things that are going really smoothly will also change, but what are you going to do?)

Many people have expressed distaste with how dated the books are. I'm kind of weird, I guess, in that I find the retro pictures charming. They remind me of my younger brother's childhood. (Yes, I'm now old enough that a book with "old" pictures doesn't even encompass my own childhood. C'est la vie.) I'll admit that the language could use some updating, but I'll take what I can get for now. I don't think being from the 1980s makes these books less valuable.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I began reading this book, I was impressed at how well the authors were describing my child: they characterized her interests and behavior, and some of the quotes they used from seven-year-olds might have been overheard at my house the past few weeks. If I'd turned the page and read, "Eh, she's just seven. Have a glass of wine and she'll be eight before you know it," I wouldn't have been entirely surprised. Sadly, that's not actually what they said. In fact, I wouldn't say that I took a lot of advice away from this book. But it did do a good job reassuring me that a lot of what I've been seeing as problematic is actually developmentally normal, and confirmed my belief that flexibility and a lot of loving reassurance can go a long way in improving things. I suppose that's true at any age, but it's good to have the reminder.

[Karen Hipson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a six or seven year old, I strongly recommend that you get this book and read it several times. Read some of it with your child, even. It is one of the best books I've read about this age group. I am a huge fan of "The Wonder Weeks"... this is the same idea but taken so much further and into higher ages. If your kids is confusing, frustrating or overwhelming you, this might give you some insight to help you see what's going on inside.

It is part of a series that starts at age one and ends at age 10-14. I think the whole set would be an incredible gift to a new parent... it'd be like having a whole room full of experienced parents sitting on your bookcase.

[Tara Tiger Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like this book was written about my son. I read it out loud to both him and my husband and we had very thoughtful conversations about some of the topics. I can't express how relieved I am to know that he's a normal kid. I'm also grateful for some of the suggestions on how to communicate with him and empathize with his feelings. Is the book super old and the social examples outdated? Sure, but it's pretty easy to look past that and focus on what matters - how your son or daughter is developing at this stage in life. If you are a parent wondering what to do when your child comes home crying and saying no one likes them, then read this book!

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I needed to understand my freshly-minted 7-year-old, and this book gave me some insight. I’ve relied on Bates’ books for years for my three kids and own eight in the series. They are usually spot on with the developmental behavior changes. However, I really wish someone would update them. This one was copyrighted in 1985. When they warn you that some seven-year-olds might be curious about the newly-invented thing called the computer, you know it’s time for a new edition. So, I have to take all the advice with a grain of salt because they are so behind the times. However, I haven’t found anyone else who puts out similar guides by age, so I use them.

[reading is my hustle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Illuminating.

This series always surprises me with its ability to reassure and educate me as a parent. Each book always provides an exact example of one of the behaviors I'm concerned (or feeling impatient!) about. In this case it was that 7 year old children will typically feel that EVERYTHING bad happens to them. This, after I was just explaining to someone that our #3 might be a bit of an "Eeyore." How does Louise Bates Ames do that? Who cares. I felt instantly reassured. And for that, Ms. Ames, I thank thee.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd probably give it 3 1/2 stars if I could. Was written in the 80s, so has a bit of a dated feel, but I didn't mind, it was charming in a way. Easy read. Best part of reading this is to find that a lot of the behavior I'm seeing in my seven-year-old is normal and is probably a phase that will pass. And reading about the problems that other kids/parents are having often makes me feel better about my own situation! I also liked that the author seems laid back--not a hyper-parenting type.

[Elizabeth B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, useful look into the typical development of a 7 year old. Turns out a lot of us have a muttering, quickly offended teenager-in-a-7s-body on our hands.

One note: this series was published in 1980 and wow does it show in the social applications. Example: "a party for a 7 can be accomplished with two people: Mother and a helper." We've had a generation of change in households and parenting styles and an update would help these books along.

[Cassi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like this series, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed. It gives a nice baseline for what kids at each age are like, and reminds me that my son’s variously worrisome behavior is normal.

It was written in the 70s/80s so the references are a little dated, but not so much as to change the scientific findings. It’s a quick read with good headings to skip around if you like.

It’s a good “you’re doing ok momma” book.

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read the series at the suggestion of a friend. If I hadn't had so much respect for the friend, I would have quit after the first book.

So far, the books have not described my child or given me any insight or help. I might as well have read Tarot cards. Perhaps Tarot cards would have been more useful...

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Already feeling better in the first few pages because its totally describing my seven year old: moody, argumentative, "you like her better", and anxious. So relieved to hear that's "normal". Looking forward to reading the rest.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's very clear this was written 30 years ago, so I hesitate in recommending it. Some of it is so old-school as to be hurtful, but that's mostly comments about the world/environment around the child. When it comes to describing behaviors and stages of development it's dead on and helpful.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found the information extremely accurate to that of a 7 year olds behaviour.
The only thing it was lacking was more tips on how to help the 7 year old and their parents overcome these challenges.

[Princessaquasong · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this series. While the language and context are dated (mid 80’s) much of the material is still relevant and useful. No-nonsense approach puts many parenting fears to rest and gives understanding to caregivers, eliciting more empathy from caregiver for child.

[Maggie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good information but seriously needs to be updated.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basically, 7-year-olds are emo af, which is what I've been seeing around my house as well.

[Purplenixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series of books was cute and informative. I read them when I was having difficulty relating to the twins, to help me understand their development.

[Alicia Erasmus]

Creepy how spot on these books are.

[Shaylene · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book! Although some of the environmental factors had changed- quite drastically in some instances- the information on behavior was still incredibly relevant. Being a foster mom to older children I found the information in this book quite helpful as it assisted me in deciphering if a certain behavior was due to the age or due to trauma. Then I could be more effective as working with that child to come to a better solution for the behavior. All in all fairly good book!

[Christy · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit dated, but a good skimm to know what’s ahead.

“Seven wants and needs his mother to listen to his many complaints, to sympathize with his miseries, to support him when things go wrong, which they often do. He needs her to calm his fears, soothe his anxiety, solve his many real or imagined problems.”

[Anne Walters custer · Rating 3 out of 5]

5 stars for the series but 3 stars for this volume. These books have been super helpful and reassuring in knowing what to expect at each age. Just need to keep in mind that some things are a bit dated. I just found this particular book less insightful and helpful than some of the earlier books.