Kinkorama: Dispatches From the Front Lines of Perversion

by Simon Sheppard

If Cabaret 's twisted emcee had earned a degree in sociology, he might very well have turned out a book like Simon Sheppard's brilliantly conceived and executed Kinkorama . A noted erotic writer, Sheppard reveals the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. Would you like to meet a foot fetishist? How about a guy in diapers? A leather master and his slave? Sheppard's journey embraces them all. The people he meets splash across the pages in Technicolor prose that places readers in the center of the action before safely leading them home again. Simon Sheppard is a sex-advice -columnist and erotic writer from San Francisco. He was coeditor of the notorious anthologies Rough Stuff and Roughed Up and is the author of Hotter Than Hell .

Genres: BDSM, Sexuality, Nonfiction

200 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2003

About the author

Simon Sheppard is a writer of gay erotica and a sex-advice columnist from San Francisco. He is the author of many highly acclaimed works of gay erotica/pornography, including the books Kinkorama, In Deep, and Sex Parties 101. He is also the editor of Homosex: 60 Years of Gay Erotica, winner of the 2007 Lambda Literary Award for LGBT erotica; the anthology Leathermen; and is the coeditor of the anthologies Rough Stuff and Roughed Up. Sheppard's work is wide-ranging, often combining history, philosophy, or culture — high and low — with hardcore sex. His first book, Hotter Than Hell and Other Stories, won the Erotic Authors Association Award for Best Collection of the Year, and the title story of In Deep was shortlisted for the Rauxa Prize for Erotic Fiction. His work has appeared in over 250 anthologies and he writes the columns "Sex Talk" and the online serial "The Dirty Boys Club." Sheppard is openly gay, active in the queer artistic, political and AIDS-activist communities, and has publicly opposed the Iraq war. He lives in San Francisco, where San Francisco dubbed him "our erotica king."

Reviews

[Al Bità · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was prepared to dislike this book, because of its subject matter. I purchased it because it promised to look at some of the “darker” aspects of sex with a certain amount of intelligence and wit. Essentially, I have never quite understood the appeal (if that’s the right word) for what this book calls “kinky” sex, which almost inevitably includes bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism — in other words, sexual activity which in some way or another involved the giving and receiving of pain. Sex should be fun, right? So what is it with the “pain” thing?

It turns out that, provided one is comfortable with the idea that this book deals with the above kind of sexual encounter limited to the gay male scene, this could be an ideal safe way of vicariously peering into these normally hidden recesses of desire. Sheppard claims to be more or less an expert in many of these areas; and he insists that it is fun; but he is also not foolish enough to deny there is also an element of danger involved.

Much of this activity is to do with submission and/or domination; but the terms seem to have contradictory meanings as far as what is going on in the heads of the participants. It is all very consensual; often the “play” will be negotiated, who does what to whom, when and where, a kind of play-acting that is suffused with sexual desire (something which is usually very obvious when naked males are involved).

Sheppard is a kind of Buddhist/Daoist/New Age type of person. His philosophical musings are peppered throughout this work; and in general he seems to be a very wide- and well-read person. One of his suggestions relates to the philosophical resolution of the unification of opposites: pleasure which derives from pain; a kind of arrival to a level of ecstasy like nirvana, where the individual is “snuffed out” but is still there… and so on. Deeply profound — or just kinky?

A more universally disturbing (?) aspect he also writes about is that one should not be too surprised with the idea of punishment for sexual desire, as this is one of the very specific traits of general Christianity — stemming from the Augustinian idea of Original Sin, the inherent sinfulness of humanity, and its general antipathy to sexuality and the natural world. Sheppard is aware that this general attitude is wider than simply the gay male scene, that there is also a heterosexual fascination with bondage and discipline fantasies (Fifty Shades of Grey anyone?), and also that it is commonly found in many religious institutions, not merely of the Christian type, especially when it comes with the physical punishment of the body and its desires (e.g. flagellation; wearing a cingulum; painful ascetic practices, etc.) Perhaps it might even have something to do with the sexual abuse of children by religious groups: the sexual desire innocently displayed by a child causing similar desires in the adult, which could then result in consummation of that desire with the child, followed by the need to punish the child for providing the source of “evil”… Or is that going too far? Insight?

Or just kinky?

[blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sheppard’s self-proclaimed “hands on, pants down research” paired with his resistance to (yet ultimate return to) pathologizing kink made this book such an intoxicating read. His writing style is everything I’ve ever wanted mine to be: witty, playful, clever, and thoughtful.

It’s hard to knock on Sheppard’s insights since this is an entirely personal project, chronicling his kinky exploits and sexual experiences. However, I did encounter some problems with this book. Mainly, the chapter titled “Gender á-go-go: Transexuals and Drag” seemed to be lacking the same care that other chapters were afforded. This wouldn’t be much of an issue if he had done some more intentional exploration of how gender plays a role in gay sex rather than dismissing the relevant nuance as a nuisance from “Theoryland.” Especially because he evokes the same kind of pretentious psychoanalysis that he pokes fun at in his other chapters. Ultimately, Sheppard has fun with his writing and toes the line of never taking himself too seriously. It’s just clear that the intended audience of this project is not particularly gender diverse.

This is the kind of book that makes me feel ALIVE!! I’d give anything to travel back to 2018 when I was in queer theory so I can discuss the reading in class. But alas, Goodreads is the next best thing.

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“Heaven notwithstanding, sexual desire is just a shitload more strange and more wonderful than any of us can fully comprehend. And kink, which is clearly not progeny-making, which is not bound by the strictures of ‘decent’ and ‘reasonable,’ puts sex squarely back where it’s always belonged—in the realm of the magical and senseless and stupid and thoroughly holy.”

[Pamela Langhorne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kinkorama: Dispatches From The Front Lines Of Perversion, like its author, is more difficult to define than it ought to be. At a glance this book is a well-organized overview of the variety of kink and kinksters to be found in gay social and not-so-social circles. Delightfully though, Sheppard doesn't stop there. Hilarious, shocking, frustrating, and engaging, it's everything else about this book that makes it well worth the dime and time to read it.

Unpretentious, yet still philosophical, this volume does more than a once-over of the superficial, fago-centric, members-only crowd, giving it the verbal paddling it's long been needing. Yes, he even briefly takes on the ultra pc stroller-pushing dykes and daddies. With every dried sweat and semen encrusted memory, Sheppard ponders the very thin line between enabling harmful behavior and ennobling naughtier sexual gratification. As well as, when and whether to cross it--seemingly always with the same, "How can I say no," response.

His book, like his experience, is thorough. Straight, bi, and cyber boys, pushy bottoms, commanding tops and, if I remember correctly, a bear of a man for good measure. Why read this book? Really, with this many boys, feet, fists, dresses, ropes, diapers, and leather, how can you say no?

[Therese · Rating 4 out of 5]

These are the sexual anecdotes of a very entertaining writer. I have read other short erotic stories from him, and find myself always enjoying them, as well as his narrative.

What we get to read in this book, according to the author: „Everything in this book is true. More or less.“
Even if some memories might have been distorted by time, I found it well written, funny, philosophical and deliciously tongue in cheek.

The stories also made me feel like a total voyeur. I had the feeling that I was brought on a very graphic tour of kinkiness by an old friend, who pedagogically explained the who’s, what’s and why’s in the queer world of bondage, Diapers and foot fetishism…

There are 17 chapters in this book, dealing with different „kinks“:

1. Satori in the Men’s room: Glory holes and Bathroom sex
2. Just Looking, Thanks: Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, and Three-ways
3. This Little Piggy: Foot Fetishism
4. Lending a Hand: Fisting and Other Extreme Sex
5. Sticks and Stone: Verbal Abuse
6. Acting With Restraint: Bondage
7. Ouch! Pain Play
8. Welcome to the Woodshed: Punishment Scenes
9. This Way to the Ninth Circle: S/M Play Parties
10. Doing It in the Road: Street Fairs and Shamelessness
11. Macho, Mach Man: Leather Contests and Other Butch Pusuits
12. That’s SIR to You: Masters and Slaves
13. Gender-à-go-go: Transsexuals and Drag
14. The Son Also Rises: Daddy/Boy Sex
15. Lie Down With Speed Freaks, Get Up With No Sleep: Drugs and Need
16. Pampered: Diaper Play and Other Infantilisms
17. Toward a Topography of Desire: Summing Up, Kind Of


My favorite chapter was the „Lending a Hand: Fisting and Other Extreme Sex“. It describes beautifully the pros and cons of the more extreme kinks out there, and gave me a RL insight in something I have only read in fictionalized form before (and there were never any rubber gloves involved...hmm)

There were some sections that made me laugh, like in the chapter Ouch! Pain Play where the author describes a wrestling match with one of his play buddies, in which the loser will be humiliated;-)
„ I strain mightily to show him who’s boss, and he fights back with vigor, but every so often we just lie back exhausted and stroke each other sweatily. Eventually, Luke does „overpower“ me and shoves his butt against my face. I stick my tongue out and suffer mightily."
Oh yes, I am sure the suffering was hard to bear…Oh, this author has such a dry sense of humor, I feel right at home:-)


As funny as I found most stories in the book, there were also a place for darker themes, such as HIV and how that affected the „play-scene“, the possible mental repercussions of being a submissive, and the author’s thoughts on issues regarding looks and age when hooking up in the gay community, and the insecurities of being a good enough top/Dom or not.
I also really liked the self-disclosure of the author when it comes down to falling in love, something he tends to do frequently:

„As attracted to Daniel as I might have been before, now that he’s out of reach I’m totally obsessed. My feelings are a mess. I hate him because he’s betrayed me. I hate myself because I’m not enough of a top to hold him, not enough of a real man. I hate his Master, I hate the game, I hate my willingness to be taken for a big old roller-coaster ride. And I hate knowing that, if Daniel were to call and tell me it’s all been a mistake, I would forgive him in an instant. Come back to me, slaveboy. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But then, desire is stupid "

Well, who hasn’t been in that situation at some point? (give or take the whole Master/slave thingie...)

The only negative I would have to say about the book, is that sometimes the kinks float together in different chapters, which I suppose is hard to avoid with Pain/Submissives/slaves etc.

This is a great book to read if you, like me, have been reading mostly M/M roooomance that usually contain some of the kinks included in this book, albeit with a slightly less pragmatic approach.
I kind of wish I would have started out here, since I would have definitely been a bit more open minded when reading some books. As a woman, my romance novels preferably includes monogamy (this can of course be different for other women).
However, in two of my favorite M/M series, Monogamy has not been present so far, and it is interesting to get a different, RL perspective on this. And based on this author’s rather polygamous life, maybe I should be happy with only the occasional Jean, it could be worse ;-)

[DDog · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read most of the book. It's a pretty interesting read content-wise, but the author's style grated on me a lot for some reason.