Doctor Who: Sky Pirates!

Doctor Who: Virgin New Adventures #40

by Dave Stone

Avast, ye scurvies!

Hoist the mainbrace, splice the anchor and join the Doctor and Benny for the maiden voyage of the good ship Schirron Dream, as it ventures into the fungral dark of air spaces occupied by the Sloothes - those villainous slimy evil shapeshifting monsters of utter and unmitigated evil that have placed a system under siege!

Watch Roslyn Forrester and Chris Cwej have a rough old time of it in durance vile! Meet the intrepid Captain Li Shao, and the beautiful if somewhat single-minded Sun Samurai Leetha t’Zhan! Roast on the dunes of Prometheus, swelter in the fetid jungles of Anea, swim with the Obi-Amphibians of Elysium and freeze off inconvenient items of anatomy on the ice wastes of Reklon in an apparently doomed search for the Eyes of the Schirron, the magickal jewels that will either save the system or destroy it utterly!

Who will live? Who will die? Will the Doctor ever play the harmonium again? All these questions and many more will be answered within the coruscating, fibrillating pages of ... Sky Pirates!

Genres: Doctor Who, Science Fiction, Fiction, Fantasy

340 pages, Paperback

First published July 20, 1995

About the author

Stone has written many spin off novels based on the BBC science fiction television series Doctor Who and Judge Dredd.

Stone also contributed a number of comic series to 2000AD and the Judge Dredd Megazine, focusing on the Dreddverse (Judge Dredd universe). In collaboration with David Bishop and artist Shaky Kane he produced the much disliked Soul Sisters, which he has described as "a joke-trip, which through various degrees of miscommunication ended up as a joke-strip without any jokes." Working independently, he created the better received Armitage, a Dreddworld take on Inspector Morse set in a future London, and also contributed to the ongoing Judge Hershey series.

Stone’s most lasting contribution to the world of Judge Dredd might well have been his vision of Brit-Cit, which until Stone’s various novels had been a remarkably underexplored area.

Reviews

[Daniel Kukwa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Depending on your mood, this is (1) one of the most ridiculous, preposterous, badly-edited, insanely-composed stories you are ever likely to encounter outside of an asylum for the literary (and criminally) insane, or (2) it's one of the wittiest, funniest, most ribald "Doctor Who" novels ever written. I'm going to split the difference. For every over-long, over-wrought, overly-disgusting, mind-bending page, it's followed by a page that plays ingenious games with language, captures the regulars with wit & flair, and offers some truly epic storytelling...and some giant laugh-out-loud moments...which leaves me with a 3-star rating by default. This is both genius AND nightmare, arm and arm, with no chance of separating one from the other. It will be quite the trek, but in the end, it may surprise you. That said, Dave Stone manages to harness much more discipline to his madness in later novels such as "Death and Diplomacy" and "Heart of TARDIS". If this book proves to be too much, try those out instead...

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's a seed of a good story here but the writing made my eyes figuratively bleed.

[Drew Perron · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the most frustrating things in the world is a writer with good ideas who can't do them justice - not because of lack of skill, but because they don't understand that they're taking the wrong approach, too wedded to a specific idea of How It's Done.

Sky Pirates! (full title: Sky Pirates! or, The Eyes of the Schirron) is trying for a very specific tonal thing. It's trying to create a rather silly, funny, colorful world, pulp adventure fiction by way of Douglas Adams, and then have cosmic horror pop up in the middle of it, creating a powerful frisson of dissonance. This paradoxical pairing of humor and horror is then used towards a bigger point about peaceful coexistence between beings who are deeply alien to one another. It's a brilliant idea, to be honest, very Doctor Who, and if it had come off I'd be praising this book to the heavens.

The problem is, it doesn't come off, because that tonal dissonance never has a chance to form - there's just too much horror. The pulpy adventure has disgusting visceral gore, grinding misery, and generalized suffering, described in detail, constantly popping up. The stuff that's supposed to be silly and fun is still often gross and painful; at one point, a character looks back and notes how silly the experiences she had been going through were, and my response was "...mostly it seems as violent and dark as most of the New Adventures books from this era" (1995). Which is really the problem - something like this needed to pull sharply from the house style, and it didn't. It's marketed as something that does, it treats itself like something that does, but it doesn't.

It's a shame, too, because the parts that are funny and silly, that do make interesting and evocative points, are really fun. The last section of the book is actually the best for this - once it starts really focusing on its themes, a lot of the gratuitous suffering goes away. (Admittedly, that's partially because a lot of people are dead already, but.) It could have worked so well, and it's frustrating.

[Kaoru · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Sky Pirates!" has always been one of these "love it or hate it" books in the NA range, and most people usually tend towards the latter. And once you finished reading those six pages of prologue you get an idea why it might not be everyone's cup of tea. I mean, this is far from being the first book in the range that does something out of the ordinary, but no matter how mindbending the NAs are they usually written in a relatively straightforward style. However, Dave Stone's approach is a bit more unusual. What you get here is a mix of Terry Pratchett's colourful characters, Douglas Adams' bizarre larger-than-life situations and Kurt Vonnegut's elaborate rambles. And footnotes. Lots and lots of footnotes that even expand on the madness of the actual pages. And then there are these very long sentences that feel like labyrinths and often are the joke themselves. So what can I say? If you're not in the mood for this kind of thing you'll find it impenetrable, if not even unreadable. And it truly isn't an easy read by any means. And this is not just because of the writing style, but also because of the ideas that are presented here. Each page has about at least two events that are so far outside the box that you sometimes have to go over the text [i]twice[/i] to fully understand what just happened - or just to plain visualize the thing a little better.

Well, truth be told! If this book hit me on a Wednesday, I would probably hated its guts. But since it hit me on a Friday I tagged along and went with the flow. Who knows what would have happened on a Tuesday, though. Especially since this book is more of a mix of Monday, Sunday, Thursday and New Year's Eve.

[April Mccaffrey]

Life's too short to suffer through a Dave Stone book.

Listen, I get it.

Vnas are very hit and miss in terms of authors. You do get some lovely hidden gems in this series and lovely dark and soft moments with the characters. But then yoh get novels that take a century to make your way through or make you want to throw the book against the wall. But sometimes they are worth pulling through. This novel, isn't it.

Dave Stone is a huge fan of Bernice Summerfield, my absolute favourite gal in the world but he just fails in understanding her or the other characters.

Dave Stone in Sky Pirates tries too hard to be like Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, and as a fan of Pratchett, it doesn't pull off the way he hoped it would. The footnotes were unnecessary and incredibly long and overely discriptive about things that are just unnecessary to the plot.

This book is a bore. A slow, mind-numbing bore.

I made it 50 pages before giving 6 and this is the second time I've tried to read it.

I like some (well, one or two) of Dave Stone"s work, but I still disliked his ship of fools grately and I wasn't expecting much from this.

Do yourselves a favour. You have my permission to skip this novel.

[Kris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Attempts at Pratchettesque humour fall flat and it is dull slog to get through.

Updated:
On a second reading I have just nudged it up one star. It is still not good and the humour doesn't really work (often simply being offensive) and it is rather dull. But it is trying to at doing something experimental which is worth doing.

One thing I do wonder about is the choice in placing it here. Much like The Naked Now we do not know the crew well enough to do a comedy story where they all act out of character. If anything this just creates confusion about Roz and Chris as characters as they are not very like what we see in Original Sin or will see later. An odd decision for sure.

[Mestor · Rating 1 out of 5]

A truly awful Doctor Who novel. Always a chore and never a pleasure, the book reads like it was concocted by a group of giggly sixth formers after too many cherryades. By the time things got serious towards the end, I didn't have a clue what was going on or why!

[Sammy · Rating 1 out of 5]

As another reviewer said, "always a chore, never a pleasure".

That about sums it up.

[Xanxa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to admit I struggled with the early chapters of this book and almost abandoned it. Reason - The author was trying too hard to emulate Douglas Adams' comedic style. (Side note - I'm a huge fan of Douglas Adams and I once tried to write like him, so I know how difficult it is).

After about six chapters, I got used to the author's style and decided to persevere with the story, as it was getting interesting by that point. Overall, I feel the story was dragged out more than necessary, but it was enjoyable enough and ticked all the boxes for Who fans - monsters, alien planets which don't follow the laws of physics, power-plays and intrigues, plus a bit of the obligatory running and fighting, along with a few arguments between the guest characters.

Despite all the various catastrophic happenings, I never really felt convinced that the danger was real. Maybe that was due to the off-putting delivery or maybe I'm a bit jaded with these types of plots.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

The worst book I've read all year. Some really interesting ideas bogged down by being too wordy and unbearably unfunny at points. It also features the worst simile to ever be written in the english language-
"As they worked they sang doleful chain-gang spirituals of a sort that would have a 1963 Louisiana civil-rights activist instantly reaching for a placard, or failing that a club with a nail in it and wondering if the lynch-mobs did not in fact have the right idea. None of these songs come down to us which is, all things considered, probably very fortunate."

Absolutely abysmal. I only finished this due to the sunk cost fallacy. At least Chris and Roz made a good first impression on there first TARDIS trip and the Sloathes are cool.

[David Layton · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sky Pirates! is one of the less-liked NA novels for good reason. Author Dave Stone has applied nearly all of his writing energies to the jokes, which leaves the plot and conception hanging loose and tattered from the yardarm. Humor is, like music, very much a matter of personal taste. I won't say that the book isn't funny, but rather I will say that I did not find it funny. All the sexual innuendos, the exaggerated descriptions, the snarky footnotes, and quirky characters just did not "land" for me most of the time. That left me searching for something else to grab to make the novel work for me, and, alas, I found nothing there.

The problems are these. The novel does not have a plot per se; it has a capture-and-escape first half followed by a quest second half. The quest, however, is never fully explained. The characters are supposed to go after these "Eyes" (gemstones of power), but the reason for doing this is never fully explained. What are the Eyes supposed to do once one has gathered them? Another problem is that Stone provides setup for various things to which he provides no payout. For instance, it becomes fairly obvious that some kind of malign, godlike, superbeing is manipulating events, but the way Stone writes it, characters and situations appear to have been created from the imagination of this being, which is why they talk in extraordinary ways and follow predictable adventure story behaviors. That is, the characters appear to be faux "characters" rather than faux people, and as such it feels through much of the novel that this whole setup is a fiction of some kind and only The Doctor suspects it. Sadly, this concept is not what Stone goes with, so that we are left with no explanation at all of why characters talk and act as they do other than that it is good for a few jokes that they do so. Yet another problem is that Chris and Roz have almost nothing to do in this novel other than be captured and tortured. In their first full TARDIS adventure, they are almost entirely sidelined. The Doctor makes one passing remark about them, and then, as far as anyone can tell, completely forgets about them. And so does Benny. When, near the end of the novel, it finally looks like they may have some contribution to the plot, it turns out that this contribution is pretty meaningless. The Doctor is back to being The Great Manipulator, a characterization that I have never found interesting or compelling. Last, as far as this review goes, is that The Doctor and crew lack motivation. They are blasted into a pocket dimension or something like that, by a reality bomb of some kind, and then simply occupy that reality, moving within it while having no clear goal. If the goal is to reunite with the TARDIS (and there is no explanation of how they got separated from the TARDIS), then why do the characters act with no urgency to accomplish this goal? Alternatively, if there is something "wrong" with this pocket dimension, there is no urgency to fix it.

In the end, I am left disappointed by Sky Pirates! It has many opportunities for interesting concepts and intriguing plot twists, all left behind in service of a very niche kind of humor. Plus, it is much too long (300+ pages) if the goal is just to be funny.

[Danny Welch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Virgin New Adventures is a range that is either loved by Doctor Who fans or detested because of how dark and bleak the novels often were, but most of the time readers find them a mixed bag in general. Sky Pirates! by Dave Stone changed I believe what Doctor Who books can be. His writing style isn't for everyone but it definitely paved the way for more epic, creative, and outlandish stories in the wilderness years. It's a mixed bag amongst readers but undeniably Dave Stone's biggest contribution to the franchise.

Ahoy there, me hearties! Who's ready for an epic story across a dying system being destroyed by a deadly race known as The Sloathes? The dreadful creatures from Planet X have arrived and are ready to eradicate all life within the system. The Doctor and his companions arrive after a surprise assault in the vortex, but now they have to prepare themselves to find the eyes of Schirron. Allies and enemies are massing together for an epic quest among the stars. But something from the history of the Timelords is lurking in the shadows and plans for revenge. So who's ready for this swashbuckling adventure? I know I am!

I wrote my own synopsis for this story inspired by the one on the back of the book since I thought it'd be more fun this way. Dave Stone has written an epic, hilarious, downright absurd, and oddly at times dark and disturbing novel that is a little bit bloated and suffers from the author swallowing down a dictionary and thesaurus in one go, but all the same, it fair to say I loved it. It is a story written with a gradual slow pace that helps to emphasize just how big and long this adventure is for our characters. It's a hilarious story filled to the brim with bad jokes, terrific and creative ideas, grotesque villains, and an epic climax.

Chris and Roz did get the short stick in this adventure due to them only having just been introduced in Original Sin, but all the same Dave Stone does enough to make up for it with a very interesting character arc of Roz, growing to accept a species of people she would have loathed once a upon a time and make them important enough to contribute to the story's climax. The characterization is terrific in this story, the characters are well-defined by Dave Stone, and the regulars are really nicely balanced between dark and funny. It's nice to see a writer who actually remembers in this range that the 7th Doctor is not only a manipulative schemer but a bumbling clown.

Overall: It's a little too bloated for its own good. But honestly, I loved every second of this novel, a very imaginative and epic read that is both funny and horrifying in equal measure. 9/10

[Finlay O'Riordan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a prime example of just how whacky the New Adventures could be. I don't really know what on Earth was happening for most of this novel, but I still got some enjoyment out of it - Dave Stone was absolutely on drugs when he wrote this, and since I'm a (mostly) sober-fareing person, I think a lot of this 'complex' writing was lost on me as filler. The best parts were when it was about the Doctor and his companions. When it was focused only on the pirates or the Sloathes, and later the 'Snata' (??!!), I was so f-----g confused.

This is also Chris and Roz's first proper story as companions following their debut in the previous novel, "Original Sin." They get diarrhoea at one point in this book. That was nice. There's also a character (a Sloathe) who is literally an amalgamation of Chris and Roz later in the book. That one doesn't get diarrhoea at least. Hir name is Sgloomi Po, and I actually quite liked this character.

Oh, and there's also a small cameo from the Daleks on page 38, which was nice given they appeared so rarely in this series.

The biggest problem with this book (aside from the plot making me wonder if I had done 12 shots of absinthe and forgotten about it) is its page count. At 335 pages, I'm pretty sure it's the third longest VNA behind only "Warlock" and "Falls The Shadow", and just like the latter book mentioned there, this story goes on for way too long. It might have been quirky and funny if it was 250ish pages, but 335 is WAY too long and by the time you get to the 200-page mark the gimmick has already worn off.

Another problem is how hard it is to keep track of characters. There are a lot of them, a lot with strange names, to the point that sometimes I could swear there were just random people joining the Doctor's motley crew from out of nowhere.

But it's okay, because there's a cool little appendices section at the back which includes multiple page's worth of summaries of in-universe Bernice Summerfield books!... Ah, that's nice. It was almost worth dragging myself through the pain of the final 100 pages to get to this. I'd rather have read 300 pages of that than this, to be honest.

[Mikey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't necessarily dislike Stone's writing style, but I can find it grating or hard to get through on occasion because it just feels very overly long and rambling. Also occasionally suffers from 'swallowed a dictionary' syndrome.

Beyond that, the story itself is decent enough with some interesting concepts and characters, especially with some great character moments for the Doctor and Benny. Sadly, Chris and Roz get the short end of the stick here and they're mostly in this just to suffer a bit, but presumably this is down to them being relatively late additions behind the scenes.

The pacing makes things a bit of a struggle too. It feels like it really takes til about halfway through before things start actually happening, and that inevitably leads to the conclusion feeling kind of rushed. There's enough going on that I can still find some enjoyment in it, but I do think it could have done with another run or two through by an editor.

[Arthur B · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're not into Pratchett or Douglas Adams, you won't enjoy the sort of humour that Dave Stone is trying to mimic here; if you are into the two major influences on this novel, you may find that - like me - the haphazard imitation of greatly superior writers is a major turn-off. I love Pratchett, I love Adams, I don't particularly love it when other writers try to mimic their highly individual authorial voices, you know? Full review: https://fakegeekboy.wordpress.com/202...

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was enjoyable I guess but I also read this one incredibly slowly, which I found made it harder for me to hold the plot together in my head. Maybe if I'd gone through it quicker it'd have a slightly higher rating but as it is I still think it's a decent book.

[City Mist · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dave Stone pens a Doctor Who spin on Discworld or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but the whimsy just feels so forced. When I read Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams, I can't stop laughing. I don't think I even chuckled at this.

[James Lotshaw III · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dave Stone has written five Doctor Who novels, this is my third, and I have loathed all three, because he wants to provide this wonderous awe-inspiring imaginative filled world, but each time I tune out his ramblings, and can't wait for those two golden words: "The End".

[Mole Mann · Rating 5 out of 5]

'And you'd be right to think so,' said the Doctor. 'Myths tend to be one part truth, two parts metaphor and five parts corruption, and patriarchy had always been a particularly vulgar form of corruption. The actual truth of it would have been something far different, probably, if truth there actually was. I'd concentrate on the central metaphor if I were you - and particularly how it relates to limits and aspects, and how the mind must react to the truly horrifying if it wants to survive.' He smiled, reminiscently. 'Zeus had the unfortunate habit of blowing everybody's head off wherever he went, but Dionysus had few problems getting on with everybody, as I recall.'
One of my favorite Doctor Who novels of all time. Also possibly one of the best Doctor Who novels of all time, though this is more debatable. The tale of a fetch quest across a dimension of sheer comedy and tragedy reveals a sublime genius at its center. The ending is one of the best within Who.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did quite enjoy this book despite not being the biggest fan of the Sylvester McCoy era Dr Who TV series which seems to have suffered from numourous bits of BBC meddling and a comedy flair added to by various 'guest stars'
I therefore maybe came to this book with low expectations but to fair the book presents a Doctor that the TV series of the time may have found worked better than their incarnation...the Doctor is manipulative to the core is resident with his usual eccentricities and is actually (as he should be) a fascinating central figure within the book...the writing itself is smart and although maybe sometimes a little too clever it works well and a story is presented beyond the scope of the TV treatment of the TV years..it's a quirky book and very readable.

[Nicholas Whyte · Rating 3 out of 5]

http://nwhyte.livejournal.com/2084161.html[return][return]good to read a New Advnture that deliberately and successfully played up the comedy - this often misfires for me, but in this case I was able to roll with the very alien creatures and their sinister plans while also sympathising very much with the confused new companions Roz and Chris; like them, I was never completely convinced that I knew what was going on, but it was fun and kept me engaged.

[Travis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Another one of those New Adventure books where they take a couple good ideas and then bury them under a lot of crap as the author tries to show off how clever he is and ends up sucking most of the fun out of the story.

Love the shape shifting aliens. Really nice take on that kind of creature. The rest of the book was pretty blah.

[Leela42 · Rating 3 out of 5]

New Adventure (NA) with Benny, Roz and Chris. Didn't really do anything for me. Lots of good BITS, but it's not a story, and most of it is a little too unpleasant because the book seems directionless until the last third.

[Brad · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this story was supposed to be funny, but instead it just felt tedious. At least Roz got a little personal development out of the whole thing.

[Shannon Appelcline · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insanely weird book — in the best sense of the word. Innovative and original. The first half is unfortunately a bit slow, but it picks up from there.