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Just Once, No More: On Fathers, Sons, and Who We Are Until We Are No Longer
In this vulnerable, honest, beautiful memoir, award-winning writer Charles Foran offers a brief and powerful meditation on fathers and sons, love and loss, even as his own father approaches the end of life.
Dave Foran was a formidable man of few words, seemingly from a different era than his sensitive, literary son, Charlie. Among other adventures, Dave had lived in the bush, been snow-blinded, hauled a dead body across a frozen lake on a dog sled, dodged a bullet from a rival, and gone toe-to-toe with a bear. Aspects of his life were like tall tales while others were more somber and enigmatic: A decent father to Charlie and his siblings, and a devoted husband to Charlie’s mother, Dave was a tough, emotionally distant man, prone to gruff cynicism and a changeable mood. As Charlie writes: “He struggled most days of his life with wounds he could not readily identify, let alone heal . . . Not only did my father never get over what had happened to him as a boy, he didn’t try. Men usually didn’t try back then. Their families just had to deal.”
When Charlie turned 55, his father began a slow and, as it turned out, final decline. And Charlie felt something he'd never imagined before: a mysterious desire to write about his relationship with him. On the surface, the motivation was to help lift an inchoate burden from his father’s shoulders, to reassure him that he was loved. But there was also another, more personal motivation. “Late into the middle of my own lifespan,” Charlie writes, “sadness took hold of my being . . . I wanted to say so frankly, never mind how glib it sounded, how uncomfortable it made me.”
In spare, haunting prose, Just Once, No More pulls on these threads—unravelling a fascinating personal story but also revealing its universal context (suggested by the title "Just Once, No More," a quote from a poem by Rilke that applies to all of our brief lives). With its skillful prose, humour, affecting intimacy, and love of life even in the shadow of death and uncertainty, this short but very full book presents a nuanced, moving portrait of a fond but distant father grappling with the end of life as his son acts as witness, solace, and would-be guide while shakily facing his own decline. What story can we tell ourselves and those we love, this memoir asks, to withstand the insecurities of self and the inexorable passage of time?
Dave Foran was a formidable man of few words, seemingly from a different era than his sensitive, literary son, Charlie. Among other adventures, Dave had lived in the bush, been snow-blinded, hauled a dead body across a frozen lake on a dog sled, dodged a bullet from a rival, and gone toe-to-toe with a bear. Aspects of his life were like tall tales while others were more somber and enigmatic: A decent father to Charlie and his siblings, and a devoted husband to Charlie’s mother, Dave was a tough, emotionally distant man, prone to gruff cynicism and a changeable mood. As Charlie writes: “He struggled most days of his life with wounds he could not readily identify, let alone heal . . . Not only did my father never get over what had happened to him as a boy, he didn’t try. Men usually didn’t try back then. Their families just had to deal.”
When Charlie turned 55, his father began a slow and, as it turned out, final decline. And Charlie felt something he'd never imagined before: a mysterious desire to write about his relationship with him. On the surface, the motivation was to help lift an inchoate burden from his father’s shoulders, to reassure him that he was loved. But there was also another, more personal motivation. “Late into the middle of my own lifespan,” Charlie writes, “sadness took hold of my being . . . I wanted to say so frankly, never mind how glib it sounded, how uncomfortable it made me.”
In spare, haunting prose, Just Once, No More pulls on these threads—unravelling a fascinating personal story but also revealing its universal context (suggested by the title "Just Once, No More," a quote from a poem by Rilke that applies to all of our brief lives). With its skillful prose, humour, affecting intimacy, and love of life even in the shadow of death and uncertainty, this short but very full book presents a nuanced, moving portrait of a fond but distant father grappling with the end of life as his son acts as witness, solace, and would-be guide while shakily facing his own decline. What story can we tell ourselves and those we love, this memoir asks, to withstand the insecurities of self and the inexorable passage of time?
- GenresAudiobook
200 pages, Hardcover
Published April 11, 2023
4 people are currently reading
269 people want to read
About the author
Charles Foran
17 books8 followersCharlie Foran was born and raised in Toronto. He holds degrees from the University of Toronto and the University College, Dublin, and has taught in China, Hong Kong, and Canada.
He has published eleven books, including five novels. His fiction, non-fiction, and journalism have all won awards.
Charlie has also made radio documentaries for the CBC program Ideas and co-wrote the TV documentary Mordecai Richler: The Last of the Wild Jews. A past president of PEN Canada, he is a senior fellow at Massey College, University of Toronto, and a member of the Order of Canada.
As of January, 2015, Charlie Foran is CEO of the Institute for Canadian Citizenship (ICC). He lives in Toronto with his family.
He has published eleven books, including five novels. His fiction, non-fiction, and journalism have all won awards.
Charlie has also made radio documentaries for the CBC program Ideas and co-wrote the TV documentary Mordecai Richler: The Last of the Wild Jews. A past president of PEN Canada, he is a senior fellow at Massey College, University of Toronto, and a member of the Order of Canada.
As of January, 2015, Charlie Foran is CEO of the Institute for Canadian Citizenship (ICC). He lives in Toronto with his family.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 15, 2024
Charles Foran, of course, is a remarkable writer, and with this book, he opens up about his life, and in doing so, it appears as if he has forced himself to slow down, back-up, re-approach life, allowing for an honesty--a straightforwardness, in his remembering and wondering, that affords us the opportunity of settling into the story with him, like a walk together through a warm, soft light penetrating the worn boards of an old barn - much like the ones he names on his drives to visit his hospitalized father. A reflection of life lived, his and his father's, together and apart, without pretension, without the need of guiding where this reflection may go. Congratulations, Charles Foran, for another remarkable book, and thank you for the read.
May 11, 2023
A contemplative memoir, written by Foran to examine the stories told of his family members. As his dad lays dying, the son replays the experiences of childhood to determine the roles that grandparents, cousins and other relatives played in his own coming of age.
May 26, 2023
Having lost my father to cancer at age 16, I didn’t get to know him as an adult. That’s why I find Charles Foran’s memoir so compelling — what a gift to be able to spend time with your parent in their final months and dig deeply into all those unanswered questions and complicated family connections. Outwardly, the book is an effort by a son to understand the essence of his caring but complex father. Inwardly, it is Foran’s very personal journey as he grapples with his own fragility/mortality, a self-examination at the midpoint of life. I finished the book in one sitting, feeling privileged as a reader to have been invited into the author’s personal journey in such an honest and sensitive way.
August 28, 2023
What a wonderful book. This is a memoir and a tribute and also a wonderful piece of creative writing. This book is centred around aging, and specifically an adult son spending time with his previously unknowable father as the father’s health declines, it’s also a wonderfully divergent journey through Foran’s mind as he ponders aging, family, love, and strength. Rich with literary illusions and packed with piercing insights, this book is a gift to anyone who’s thinking about the rich tapestry of this world, and how we fit in it for the brief time that we’re here.
July 1, 2023
I don’t know how a book this beautifully written could only have (at this moment) three reviews. It’s a beautiful book. The first twenty pages might be taking you to different places and emotions but it all connects rather nicely. I loved every image and metaphor that Foran uses to illustrate a life.
April 9, 2023
Chaotic and confusing, more memoir than conversation on fathers and sons.
July 31, 2023
What an interesting book. Really enjoyed reading this book.
December 19, 2023
A succinct pondering on the relationships between parents, children and family history.
February 8, 2024
Just couldn’t get into the rambling nature of this book. Stopped reading about 3/4 through.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews