The Death of a Jaybird: Essays on Mothers and Daughters and the Things They Leave Behind – A Searing and Empathetic Black Woman's Essay Collection on Grief, Trauma, and the Humor That Survives

by Jodi M. Savage

Reminiscent of The Year of Magical Thinking and Somebody’s Daughter, a deeply empathetic and often humorous collection of essays that explore the author’s ever-changing relationships with her grandmother and mother, through sickness and health, as they experience the joys and challenges of Black American womanhood.

Jodi M. Savage was raised in Brooklyn, New York, by her maternal grandmother. Her whip-smart, charismatic mother struggled with addiction and was unable to care for her. Granny—a fiery Pentecostal preacher who had a way with words—was Jodi’s rock, until Alzheimer’s disease turned the tables, and a 28-year-old Jodi stepped into the role of caretaker. It was up to Jodi to get them both through the devastations of a deteriorating mind. After Granny passed away, Jodi spent years trying to reckon with her grief. Jodi and her mother were both diagnosed with breast cancer nearly a decade later, and then Jodi lost her too.

In this searing, candid collection of essays, Jodi illuminates the roles that identity and memory play in preserving those we love. Jodi explores the lives of modern Black women and communities through the prism of her personal experiences. With grace, creativity, and insight, she looks at femininity, family, race, mental illness, grief, healthcare, and faith. Jodi deftly portrays how trauma is inherited, and how the struggle to break a generational curse can last a lifetime.

The Death of a Jaybird is a thoughtful examination of complicated family love, loss, and the liberating power of claiming our stories.

Genres: Essays, Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Short Stories

240 pages, Paperback

First published November 14, 2023

Reviews

[Lydia Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many opportunities in this memoir to stop and learn empathy and understanding. I laughed and cried as I read this great book. It brought back the memories that my mom and I shared after she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I highly recommend.

[kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

In these essays, Savage explores her ever growing and ever evolving relationships with her Granny and her mother as they navigate the world as Black women. Savage writes about her abuse, her religious path, her breast cancer, her estranged relationship with her mother, Granny’s hallucinations and dementia, and more. In between the rawness, heartbreak, and grief, Savage provides readers with a touch of relief and humor. The essays are spellbinding, deeply compelling, and teaches readers to love with a strong sense of empathy.

Savage includes many guides in these essays including “How to attend a Black funeral”, “How to dispose of a dead bird”, “The Black patient’s guide to avoid being treated like a slut in the street”, and “What not to give someone who has breast cancer”. While they were meant to be slightly humorous, they were also meant to open the readers mind. Specifically, “The Black Patient’s Guide..” made me pause and reflect on the medical system and the care that Black people receive.

I saved so many quotes from this book but because I received this book as a digital arc, they didn’t save to my GoodReads account, so I will share a few of my favorites here:

“If there were a picture of the holy trinity, Granny’s would be a color portrait of Jesus, President Barack Obama, and a police officer.”

“Granny’s insistence on feeding people during her porch sermons reminded me of the Biblical story in which Jesus and his disciples fed thousands of people with only five loaves of bread and two fish. I suppose a dose of Jesus is best served on a full stomach.”

“The scene reminded me of how she used to make me sit on the side of our green tub and scrub my knees and elbows with Ajax to get rid of the darkness. She stood watch in the doorway as I cried and scrubbed, but skin and blood were the only things that came off. The blackness remained.”

I could share many, many more that made me laugh and made me feel deeply but I will stop there. For more gems like this, you will have to pick up the book yourself when it’s out on 11/14/23.

Easily one of the best collections of personal essays that I have ever read.


Thank you NetGalley for my digital copy!

[Devin Redmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hadn’t seen anything about this book, no one recommended it, and it wasn’t on my to-read list. But I was at the library and picked up 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘑𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥: 𝘌𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘔𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘋𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥. I flipped through it real quick, appreciated the author’s writing voice which was evident right away, and checked it out. I’m glad I did.
Jodi Savage writes about the relationship she had with both her grandmother who raised her, and her mother who wasn’t really present. Her grandmother was struggling with Alzheimer's and Savage’s mom had breast cancer. Ms. Savage writes about her grief after the women died and then her own struggle with breast cancer while not having a mother figure to help her. The strength of Black women, including their friendships, is evident in the book. I appreciated Savage’s honesty.
4 / 5 stars

[Yvonne Marks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading Jodi’s stories. They were funny and showed the love her and her granny shared. Jodi also shares some good advice.
Thanks for the free book.

[Alex R · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book for daughters & granddaughters & mothers…. Mothers who aren’t perfect, grandmothers seeking redemption, survivors … cancer survivors, survivors of childhood trauma…. Those in recovery and those working on recovery…. Church folk too.. and caregivers. We need these true, hard, sad, joyous stories…

[Abbi · Rating 5 out of 5]

oh this was so deeply moving. an insightful, well researched, collection of essays about grief and moving through the world and medical system as a single Black woman.

[NoMo Book Club · Rating 4 out of 5]

This beautifully crafted set of essays reaches along the maternal line of Jodi M. Savage's family. Jodi was raised by her loving and religious grandmother - whilst her mother is a transient figure, due to a life derailed by drug addiction. In turn, Jodi’s mother and grandmother are also women not raised by their own mothers - leaving a long line of estrangement scattered down the generations. However, Jodi rises through the challenges of her early years - her dream of going to college comes about and she sets out on a different life path.

Part of this difference lies in the fact that Jodi is childfree. There is sometimes a dismissal of women who choose not to have children as being uncaring and unempathetic, but Jodi comes across as anything but - it’s just that an alarm surfaced after her difficult childhood at the thought of undertaking a parenting role. Jodi presents her reasons, based in her own context, with clarity and no-one could deny that’s she’s made an informed choice.

Her empathy shows up best in the way that she takes on a caring role in her 20s for her grandmother when she develops Alzheimer’s disease. Later on, her estranged mother’s cancer diagnosis also gives the two of them a chance to resolve some of the emotions lying between them. The essays weave through the grief journey that Jodi goes on as she loses both her grandmother and mother, and also copes with her own breast cancer.

This portrayal of intertwining, intergenerational relationships is especially interesting in that it remembers to position women without children as still existing within a maternal framework. We still have mothering energy and still have ties to the maternal figures in our families. We may not experience motherhood ourselves, but we still descend from a line of mothers and we are still someone’s daughter. Jodi offers an intimate exploration of these bonds, whilst never denying the more troubling issues that lie beneath them - all from the perspective of someone who will never go on to be a mother or have a daughter.

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok, ok, I was first attracted to this book because of the title. I love novels about mother/daughter relationships, so I was thrilled to pick up a non-fiction on Black mother/daughter dynamics. In that regard, this book did not disappoint - the joy, love, and complications that Jodi shared in her relationship with her mother and grandmother were unadulterated. There were so many funny moments and others that made me be on the verge of tears. However, some parts of the book made me wonder about the audience. I really loved the ways in which she spoke about the care she put into her grandmother's homecoming service, but sometimes it felt like it was written for the white gaze. And I really hate that. Maybe I am being overly critical, but it sort of rubbed me wrong. Also, oddly enough, I was not prepared for how much this book would be about illness, death, and grief. These are all subjects that need more serious attention - especially in Black communities - but it caught me slightly off guard, and I also think it was one of the things that made me love this book. I was expecting to learn about deep talks and lessons learned through close bonds - I got all of that, but not in the way I thought. I genuinely enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone thinking about how to celebrate, reflect on, and love the women who have shaped them.

[Cecelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a little disorganized for my taste. There doesn't really seem to be any sort of order. It's a collection of essays, some of which were previously printed elsewhere. And, there is a lot of duplication between the essays. There are also a lot interjections that just seem oddly placed. I like the author's writing style. I just didn't like the way her thoughts were laid out. Also, I picked this book up after reading an excerpt and article about the author's decision not to have children. The excerpt I read was the only portion of the book that discussed that decision, so I probably could've skipped this one.

[Dawn (noladawnreads)]

*I do not rate memoirs.

This collection of essays was perfect to read at this time of the year. Although it deals with some heavy topics: cancer, dementia, addictions, trauma, loss— it is also about love, so much love. The love between women, families, and especially that of Black women and a love for life itself. It’s not all heavy, there is a good bit of humor packed in amongst the angst as well.
Out now.

Thank you to partners Harper Perennial and Bibliolifestyle for my review copy.
These thoughts are my own.

[Bobbi Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most beautiful book of essays I have read. The love, grief, understanding and heartbreak are vivid and real. I laughed and cried. Thank you so much for the opportunity to read your beautiful words.

I received this as a Goodreads giveaway for my honest review. Again Thank you so much!

[Pynk Vyn ❤️‍🔥 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautifully crafted. Jodi gave a great account of the hardships of a daughter/mother dynamic while being black. This book was like therapy for me. Definitely would recommend this book to my friends who are struggling to heal and mend their relationship with their mother of mother figure in their life.

[rexrae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm convinced that some books just find their way to you when you need them the most. This collection of intimate essays focusing mainly on motherhood, women, and family felt like a reassuring hug from a loved one. Really a sobering read for someone (me) who's on their journey of starting to feel more human again.

[Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes a walk through grief and difficult relationships with parental figures. I really enjoyed how Savage explored the similarities and differences of her relationship with her grandmother and her mother through growing up, being sick, and losing them both.

Savage also takes a dive into her own journey with breast cancer and because of the tough topics, I would suggest checking content warnings before picking up this book.

A big thank you to BiblioLifestyle for a copy of this for a book tour!

[C.M. Stenquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who values family will enjoy and appreciate this book

[Kayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to Goodreads for the ARC. Overall I enjoyed it.

[Anniee Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very informative. The love from a mother to a daughter and vice versa. The book had me laughing and crying all at once. Good read!

Is this book on your TBR?

[Elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The essays in the Death of a Jaybird tackle themes like mother-daughter relationships, drug addiction, sexual abuse, respectability and police brutality. Specifically, I found the author’s commentary on police action against individuals with mental illness new (to me) and insightful. She highlights how limited avenues to assist people suffering from mental illnesses are, and how much responsibility is placed on family members who often aren’t trained specialists. Savage recounts growing up with her grandmother who was a fervent pentecostal minister in New York, caring for her through the progression of her Alzheimer’s disease, and how a breast cancer diagnosis was the unlikelihood that bridged the gap between herself and her mother. This is such a beautiful love note to the author's deceased grandmother and mother but also such a nuanced interrogation of the complexities of the relationships between them - mothers and daughters - and the relationships between generations of women in her family. It is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. Savage also discusses how her lack of a romantic partner has often been perceived as an absence of support and reflects on how her chosen community has carried her through several transitions and maybe this book is a love letter to that community too. I found these essays to be engaging and thought provoking, and I experienced a full range of emotions reading them.

Thank you Harper Perennial for sending my a copy of this book

[Carol Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect blend of funny/heartbreaking stories and social critique, this is great reading for healthcare workers. Jodi's insightful breakdown of her time as her grandmother's caretaker, the worries for her grandmother's safety, the family conflicts during care, everything that goes into a homegoing, and Jodi and her mother's own cancer diagnosis... There are so many opportunities in this memoir to stop and learn empathy and understanding.