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Let's Talk About Loneliness: The Search for Connection in a Lonely World
The true antidote to loneliness, this book will teach you the secret to building meaningful relationships and the importance of authentic connections in a lonely world.
Is it possible to have hundreds of followers on social media but still feel isolated? To live in a city of millions of people but find yourself alone? No one really wants to admit it, but the answer is certainly 'yes'.
So, let's talk about loneliness. Human connection specialist Simone Heng knows a lot about being lonely. She left an enviable career and social life to move back to her family home to care for her mother. All alone in a house filled with memories but devoid of people, she was faced with the realization that human connection is one of our most essential needs.
There's a global loneliness epidemic. Every one of us has experienced feeling lonely, even if we don't realize it. The modern world has changed how we live and the 'village' environment with spontaneous connection has been replaced by remote work and contrived relationships. Most importantly, the old stereotypes of what loneliness looks like no longer hold true — in a world where technology has made us more 'connected' than ever before, people of all ages are feeling alone.
Simone shares her journey to understanding the value of human connection and explains how to distinguish authentic relationships from fake substitutes. This definitive book on loneliness shows us how to build meaningful relationships with those that matter the most, forge new friendships, and create the genuine connections we all crave.
Is it possible to have hundreds of followers on social media but still feel isolated? To live in a city of millions of people but find yourself alone? No one really wants to admit it, but the answer is certainly 'yes'.
So, let's talk about loneliness. Human connection specialist Simone Heng knows a lot about being lonely. She left an enviable career and social life to move back to her family home to care for her mother. All alone in a house filled with memories but devoid of people, she was faced with the realization that human connection is one of our most essential needs.
There's a global loneliness epidemic. Every one of us has experienced feeling lonely, even if we don't realize it. The modern world has changed how we live and the 'village' environment with spontaneous connection has been replaced by remote work and contrived relationships. Most importantly, the old stereotypes of what loneliness looks like no longer hold true — in a world where technology has made us more 'connected' than ever before, people of all ages are feeling alone.
Simone shares her journey to understanding the value of human connection and explains how to distinguish authentic relationships from fake substitutes. This definitive book on loneliness shows us how to build meaningful relationships with those that matter the most, forge new friendships, and create the genuine connections we all crave.
241 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 27, 2023
24 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
December 16, 2023
I don't often review books but this one made me want to. There are some interesting angles in here such as the author commenting on how her Far East culture impacted how she was brought up and thus her loneliness, I hadn't really thought about how culture might be a factor before. But if you *are* lonely and looking for help, there isn't a lot in here - an inspiring journey yes, but not a lot I could take away and use.
January 7, 2024
Eh. I finished the book because I wanted to see if there were any new gems in it that would get me to think differently- it didn't. Felt like more of a memoir at times than what would be a self-help book for others. Probaby wouldn't read another book by this author. The writing style just didn't capture my attention.
December 4, 2025
This book was one of the recommendations for the Singapore Writers Festival.
I hesitated borrowing this book as I did not want to read another self help book about loneliness.
In addition to that, the topic on loneliness is a sensitive one for me.
I’m glad I borrowed this book.
If you are looking for tips on what you need to do to be less lonely, this book is not for you.
On the contrary, I had some great takeaways from this book. I was better able to understand the possibility of why some people feel lonely.
Here are my favourite quotes from the book.
😢The media taught me to communicate, but it didn’t teach me to connect
😢There are three different categories of loneliness:
- intimate loneliness (yearning for a person you can truly be vulnerable with)
- Relational loneliness (a yearning to be part of a social fabric on whom you can rely)
- Collective loneliness (a yearning for a group that shares common interests)
😢Just because people are older doesn’t mean they know more about mental wellness than you do. Pushing down my grief almost destroyed me.
😢If a child constantly hears that they aren’t good enough, that they are underperforming, or, most crushingly, that they are compared to others, that they should be more like their siblings, cousins, or some kid at school with high scores, that’s traumatizing to the fragile sense of self they are developing. If, in addition to this, they don’t get any positive affirmation, it can lead to a lifetime of chasing validation. And chasing love, approval, and validation deeply inhibits the formation of authentic adult relationships.
😢An apology is a prerequisite for forgiveness, but we aren’t guaranteed forgiveness, or that our apology is accepted simply by saying “sorry”.
By apologising in the right way and focusing on providing healing for the person we’ve hurt, we can more comprehensively maintain the health of our most valued relationships.
😢I learnt quickly that true connection happens when others feel seen and heard.
The power of human connection was a teacher at the leading school for children with autism in Singapore. She mentioned to me that UDL, the universal design for learning, helped her connect with her students, regardless of where in the spectrum they were. Instead of a test, students could submit an artistic map of what they’d learnt, or deliver a talk. UDL is an approach of teaching that advocates for equal opportunity for all students by giving students multiple means of expression of what they have learn and multiple means of assessing material so they can choose what works best for them. UDL has proven to be a more inclusive way of teaching and connecting with students, allowing students to be let where they are.
😢How can we tell a connection is authentic?
Authentic human connection, to me, is reciprocal. I often wondered what my mother had done for these girls to make them feel connected to her. The answer is that she mentored them the way she parented me. She was beyond the student-teacher relationship.
Their words:
- she asked us our opinion on things she wanted to buy for her home
- She invited the whole class to her new flat she bought with your dad. There she taught us how to bake a pineapple upside-down cake
- She was fierce, but we knew she cared. She’d sit on her desk holding a ball of string threatening to tie our legs together if we didn’t cross them like ladies
Consistency builds trust. So if we want to build powerful connection, we have to put in the energy to show up consistently for people we love over the long haul
I hesitated borrowing this book as I did not want to read another self help book about loneliness.
In addition to that, the topic on loneliness is a sensitive one for me.
I’m glad I borrowed this book.
If you are looking for tips on what you need to do to be less lonely, this book is not for you.
On the contrary, I had some great takeaways from this book. I was better able to understand the possibility of why some people feel lonely.
Here are my favourite quotes from the book.
😢The media taught me to communicate, but it didn’t teach me to connect
😢There are three different categories of loneliness:
- intimate loneliness (yearning for a person you can truly be vulnerable with)
- Relational loneliness (a yearning to be part of a social fabric on whom you can rely)
- Collective loneliness (a yearning for a group that shares common interests)
😢Just because people are older doesn’t mean they know more about mental wellness than you do. Pushing down my grief almost destroyed me.
😢If a child constantly hears that they aren’t good enough, that they are underperforming, or, most crushingly, that they are compared to others, that they should be more like their siblings, cousins, or some kid at school with high scores, that’s traumatizing to the fragile sense of self they are developing. If, in addition to this, they don’t get any positive affirmation, it can lead to a lifetime of chasing validation. And chasing love, approval, and validation deeply inhibits the formation of authentic adult relationships.
😢An apology is a prerequisite for forgiveness, but we aren’t guaranteed forgiveness, or that our apology is accepted simply by saying “sorry”.
By apologising in the right way and focusing on providing healing for the person we’ve hurt, we can more comprehensively maintain the health of our most valued relationships.
😢I learnt quickly that true connection happens when others feel seen and heard.
The power of human connection was a teacher at the leading school for children with autism in Singapore. She mentioned to me that UDL, the universal design for learning, helped her connect with her students, regardless of where in the spectrum they were. Instead of a test, students could submit an artistic map of what they’d learnt, or deliver a talk. UDL is an approach of teaching that advocates for equal opportunity for all students by giving students multiple means of expression of what they have learn and multiple means of assessing material so they can choose what works best for them. UDL has proven to be a more inclusive way of teaching and connecting with students, allowing students to be let where they are.
😢How can we tell a connection is authentic?
Authentic human connection, to me, is reciprocal. I often wondered what my mother had done for these girls to make them feel connected to her. The answer is that she mentored them the way she parented me. She was beyond the student-teacher relationship.
Their words:
- she asked us our opinion on things she wanted to buy for her home
- She invited the whole class to her new flat she bought with your dad. There she taught us how to bake a pineapple upside-down cake
- She was fierce, but we knew she cared. She’d sit on her desk holding a ball of string threatening to tie our legs together if we didn’t cross them like ladies
Consistency builds trust. So if we want to build powerful connection, we have to put in the energy to show up consistently for people we love over the long haul
October 12, 2024
I would rate this 1.5 stars.
I’ve met Simone Heng in person and loved her energy, drive, and fearlessness in engaging large crowds during her speeches.
However, the book itself fell flat and felt like a chore to finish. It reads more like a series of LinkedIn posts stitched together rather than a cohesive work, as if the main goal was simply to publish a book, not to convey valuable insights. While mixing personal anecdotes with studies can be effective, her overuse of this approach throughout the book made it feel forced. By the end, I found myself skimming.
Overall, the book feels like it's trying too hard to be both motivational and informative, but doesn’t quite hit the mark. The stories and studies feel repetitive and lack the depth needed to make a lasting impact. This is especially evident in the sections on corporate work, where the experiences of individuals can be incredibly diverse, yet the book applies broad, stereotypical generalizations that feel disconnected and irrelevant.
The forced nature of the anecdotes and studies, combined with the lack of depth in the subject matter, leaves the reader feeling disconnected and unsatisfied. It would have been better if she wrote a memoir to connect with her audience, instead of trying to check all the boxes of a self-help book without truly offering anything new or profound.
I’ve met Simone Heng in person and loved her energy, drive, and fearlessness in engaging large crowds during her speeches.
However, the book itself fell flat and felt like a chore to finish. It reads more like a series of LinkedIn posts stitched together rather than a cohesive work, as if the main goal was simply to publish a book, not to convey valuable insights. While mixing personal anecdotes with studies can be effective, her overuse of this approach throughout the book made it feel forced. By the end, I found myself skimming.
Overall, the book feels like it's trying too hard to be both motivational and informative, but doesn’t quite hit the mark. The stories and studies feel repetitive and lack the depth needed to make a lasting impact. This is especially evident in the sections on corporate work, where the experiences of individuals can be incredibly diverse, yet the book applies broad, stereotypical generalizations that feel disconnected and irrelevant.
The forced nature of the anecdotes and studies, combined with the lack of depth in the subject matter, leaves the reader feeling disconnected and unsatisfied. It would have been better if she wrote a memoir to connect with her audience, instead of trying to check all the boxes of a self-help book without truly offering anything new or profound.
June 26, 2024
This book is more of a memoir than what I had thought it would be - a discourse on loneliness. As Ms. Heng writes at the end of the book, "If anything of what I have written rings true, and if you're looking for ways to get out of a loneliness spiral, you should seek a therapist" (paraphrased). If this is the case, I would recommend a clinician versed in Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT), an orientation of psychotherapy that focuses on relieving symptoms of loneliness and stress by improving interpersonal functioning - something Simone Heng spends a good deal of time detailing. And while there are a few nuggets of wisdom, those could have been written in a brief Psychology Today article. Other "suggestions" mention current psychological and neurobiological theory, but only at a very surface level—and are not entirely complete. Indeed, some of what is written comes across as pop understandings of very complicated psychological and neurobiological functions. In the end, this is neither a prescriptive (self-help) book nor a discourse on social connectedness. Instead, it is more of a personal book describing an individual's experience with her identity, her family, and her search for connection.
September 15, 2023
Let's Talk About Loneliness leads by a very heartfelt example, with a couple points of caution.
Author Simone Heng fills much of the book with her personal life stories and anecdotes. As the book continues, the research and findings of others get introduced more often. That research is reinforced by referencing previous anecdotes about falling into loneliness and helping each other out of it. The personal stories remain throughout in order to tie everything together with incredible precision.
There are minor issues. The chapter titled "Serve" paints health care professionals as being generally happy to serve others during the recent pandemic. The countless news stories about burnout, heartbreak, and emotionally frayed health care professionals in the United States were not mentioned. I caught two very minor typos where the space between words vanished.
This is a full-sized book with three minor nitpicks. That's honestly really good.
The research is blended seamlessly into the author's conversational tone with incredible precision. The Kindle version of the book estimates there are five printed pages of references to outside works - totaling 75 actual references. Yet, it's written with such a conversational and motivational tone that it never feels like a research paper.
Highly recommended for either lifting yourself into a more connected community or helping to lift others up.
Author Simone Heng fills much of the book with her personal life stories and anecdotes. As the book continues, the research and findings of others get introduced more often. That research is reinforced by referencing previous anecdotes about falling into loneliness and helping each other out of it. The personal stories remain throughout in order to tie everything together with incredible precision.
There are minor issues. The chapter titled "Serve" paints health care professionals as being generally happy to serve others during the recent pandemic. The countless news stories about burnout, heartbreak, and emotionally frayed health care professionals in the United States were not mentioned. I caught two very minor typos where the space between words vanished.
This is a full-sized book with three minor nitpicks. That's honestly really good.
The research is blended seamlessly into the author's conversational tone with incredible precision. The Kindle version of the book estimates there are five printed pages of references to outside works - totaling 75 actual references. Yet, it's written with such a conversational and motivational tone that it never feels like a research paper.
Highly recommended for either lifting yourself into a more connected community or helping to lift others up.
August 21, 2024
Приманилась на российскую обложку, обещавшую скорее что-то автофикшеновое, но это обычный полумемуарный селфхелп со всеми необходимыми пунктами - эмигрантской историей родителей, детскими
травмами, драматичными переживаниями смерти родственников и пандемии, культурный особенностями Восточной Азии, их влиянием на отношениями с людьми и вызываемым всем этим чувством одиночества, плюс немного краткого обзора социологических исследований по этому вопросу, но довольно слабо написанный, как-то очень топорно, автор явно не писатель. В итоге толком не попадает ни в один из жанров, даже не совсем понятно, зачем написан, издан и тем более - зачем переведён, смело можно было пропускать.
травмами, драматичными переживаниями смерти родственников и пандемии, культурный особенностями Восточной Азии, их влиянием на отношениями с людьми и вызываемым всем этим чувством одиночества, плюс немного краткого обзора социологических исследований по этому вопросу, но довольно слабо написанный, как-то очень топорно, автор явно не писатель. В итоге толком не попадает ни в один из жанров, даже не совсем понятно, зачем написан, издан и тем более - зачем переведён, смело можно было пропускать.
December 29, 2024
A relatable and easy read. I admire Ms. Heng for sharing her trauma and personal journey of grief, loss, and healing with the world. However, it felt like reading a high school essay at times, since a particular structure is consistently followed. A point is made, she provides a personal experience and then backs it up with supporting studies. The only chapter I found valuable was Chapter 2, The Five Types of Human Connection We Need. Beyond this list, much of Let’s Talk About Loneliness reads like a journal-style reflection on the author’s life so far.
November 12, 2025
I was able to connect to this book on the level of Asian familial experiences and also being lonely when studying abroad. However, Simone has shared about experiences of which I have not experienced - her mother's hoarding disorder and having to resign to look after her full time. It was a thoughtful read and I came away with some insights about what loneliness is and how to cope with it, which was a great thing. On the overall, I was grateful to have received this book from Simone herself. It changed me and helped me prepare for my future caregiving duties.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 24, 2025
This would have been great if it was 80/20.teaching/story. It was more of a memoire and sadly I just didn't care about one story being told repeatedly. I lost interest after chapter 3 and felt I was skipping to the informed advice sections. I hope the author takes this feedback as she writes well. The precis warns a little of this but not enough - quite telling. Would people pick it up if it said more clearly what the book was about?
November 17, 2024
Her experiences and the data gathered helped me think about my own life and approach to people, it made me braver. If you are looking for someone to tell you what to think or do this book isnt for you. If you want a book that makes you think about your own life and find your own solutions, this might be the book.
October 22, 2023
A fantastic, vulnerable, insightful book. Simone’s writing is beautiful, honest, and raw. The stories are vulnerable and relatable. I read this book cover to cover in a day and a half — I highly recommend it. An insightful and thought provoking read about human connection.
May 28, 2024
This book is a memoir, not a helpful book on the topic of loneliness, a topic I was trying to research. It feels like the author is writing rather than talking in therapy. A beautiful cover, an interesting blurb on Amazon. But I only got to page 75 before giving up.
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March 1, 2025Inspiring
I really enjoyed this book! Such a great reminder that we all play a role. It's like picking up garbage on the beach, we have a social responsibility to pay attention, be aware and make a difference. Thank you Simone, great job!
I really enjoyed this book! Such a great reminder that we all play a role. It's like picking up garbage on the beach, we have a social responsibility to pay attention, be aware and make a difference. Thank you Simone, great job!
November 15, 2023
There is a personal element in the book where the author uses to engage with us and supports her topic on connection. A lovely easy read.
January 17, 2024
Mostly a memoir and not much help.
March 9, 2024
A deeply personal book for the author as she relates the events of her family life, background and transformational journey around family and personal crisis. Uplifting book
July 28, 2024
Reads like an autobiography. Nothing revolutionary in loneliness advice if there's any in there at all. Absolutely would not recommend it.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews