Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out

by Karyn Langhorne Folan

In Don’t Bring Home a White Boy, writer Karyn Langhorne Folan debunks the myths about interracial relationships. Drawing on real-life testimonials, she boldly tackles this difficult subject with warmth, humor, and understanding, as she explores stereotypes of black female sexuality and white male perspectives on black female beauty.

Folan goes beyond statistics and offers firsthand insights on her own interracial relationship and attempts to tap into a woman’s desire to have all that they deserve instead of restricting themselves, simply because they want a “good black man.” Frank, authoritative, and universally relevant, her message to women is to look beyond skin color, accept themselves for who they are, and seek a man who truly loves them, regardless of race.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships

323 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 11, 2010

About the author

Karyn Langhorne Folan graduated from Harvard Law School and after practicing and teaching law for several years, decided to pursue her dream of becoming a writer. She is the author of twenty-one books and counting, including three young adult titles for the popular Bluford High series, four romance novels, several works of nonfiction. She has also been the ghostwriter for personalities in the entertainment and music industries. She is married and has two daughters.

Reviews

[Michelle Gilmore · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this one was pretty good. I really enjoyed reading the historical info the author provided. In fact, I was inspired to go and my research. I think the author, and the persons interviewed for the book provided some helpful tips to that can be applied to any relationship, not just interracial couples. I appreciated the way the Langorne Folan tackled issues such sexism, and domestic abuse etc, and made a point of saying that "all" at one time or another in their lives may encounter such issues. But at the same time, addressed issues that I believe black american women in particular face as well. For example, the 3 main stereotypical media images of "Mammy, Jezebel, and Sapphire", and issues that are unique to black women/white male couples in this country (United States), and the history of such relationships. I don't know that all persons involved in an interracial relationship need to read this, but it can only help. Overall, I thought this was an excellent book,and I look forward to reading the author's essays etc as soon as I get the chance.

[Shun Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an awesome read and very funny at times. I am already into interracial dating so a lof of the information I knew. But I still learned some other insightful things as well. I could definitely see myself reading this again in the future. What's funny though, is that I got a lof of stares from people because of the cover of the book. It amazes me that when there are so many other people in the world who date interracially, it is such a big deal when it is a white man and black woman. I was on the bus and even had a black woman (who I didn't know) rudely lift the book up while I was still reading it just so she could see the cover. But anyway, I was very into the book and read it in 1 week.

[Lucretia scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be honest this book took me a while to finish. At times I found it hard to read. Maybe I wasn't in the right mindset to read it. In the end I just wanted to be finish with it. The book provided the reader with some good data about how the African American women is statistically more likely to never be married due to the barriers to in the African American community such as mass incarceration of the African American male, increasing rates of homicide of African American males, and uneven educational levels regard to African American women and men. Some of the stories by the people in the book helped make their struggle with dating white males more realistic. However one of the people in the book told her biracial daughter that the girls that were African American and Caucasian didn't want to play with her because she had long hair. What type of foolishness was she setting her daughter up for with trying to make her feel superior because of her hair texture or that she was light skinned. That was not the way you should handle the situation when your biracial child says that kids don't want to play with her. The author really attempts to make it seem like it is so easy for a women of color to find a white man that is attracted to her. It isn't and I think that she should have stressed that point.

[Valerie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book, written by a black woman in a relationship with a white man, was written to try to encourage Black women to have open minds about interracial dating. The author explores and dispels ten notions that black women tend to cite as their reasons for not dating outside of their race. My mind is already open to interracial dating, so I didn't need to be convinced. Thankfully, my parents never said anything like, "don't bring home a white boy" to me, but my mom tells me she got that her father practically said those words to her when she was younger. This type of generational difference in the thinking about interracial relationships is one of the notions discussed. This book was thought-provoking and explored aspects of interracial dating that I'd never really thought about before. It was an interesting read.

[Deborah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being first brought up in a predominantly white suburb of Philly, then being moved to a very integrated community in Delaware, I relate so much to the struggles of these women. I still get told that "I think/want to be/act" white by black friends and sometimes family, and this book both comforted me with similar stories as well as made me mad that people ignorantly feel it's ok to judge and limit people in this way.

As a writer, the book also really inspired me and helps me to push on to create positive black role models and images for people, in a world where the predominant image of black American women are filthy music videos where half-naked girls are shaking their butts.

As someone who has never cared about what color my boyfriends are (even though, growing up in a white school, and having been picked on by black children a lot of my life, I do have a lean-to), I think this is a great book for people to see that color/race is only surface. Inside, we're really all the same.

[Phobean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Smart, funny, and backed up by facts. We should all be so wise and clever! Particularly, I thought the author's voice was very strong and enjoyed how she organized the book by dispelling "notions" (such as, "mix race children are confused.) My one gripe was that author never once mentioned the possibility that some black women might like to bring home other WOMEN, regardless of color. (I find it very odd when books written for heterosexual audiences carefully deny the existence of non-heterosexuality.)

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My first response was I saw this book was to chuckle at the title. Yup, I've heard people say such things. Secondly, I thought, "Really? This book is --necessary today?" Then I started reading - and started getting schooled! Very much enjoying it so far . . .

[*Ahh' Zah W/ Daa Juicee !//* · Rating 4 out of 5]

dis jawn was crazy it was bout how dis (Black) qirl had lived wit her family nd wat soo ever nd her family has always wanted her tew bring home a (Black) boy buht onee day shee has came home with a (whitee) boy instead nd her parents were soo pissed dat dey did everything that they can to qet rid of him. This Book was so crazy because u should never judge a book by it's color like it was crazy how her mom had judged her boyfreind just because he was (White) Like come on now if anybody was to do that to me i would be so pissed!!!!

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was funny and insightful. It didn't tell us a whole lot we didn't know. But, Karyn Langhorne Folan took stereotypes and excuses and proved them all wrong. She also used facts and statistics to prove her points. What I liked the most was the points of views and stories from men and women in interracial relationships. I have dated different races and ethnicities and a lot of it rang true.I have read one of her fiction novels and am looking forward to reading more by her.

[Safara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provides a wonderful insight into why there are issues with black women dating and marrying interracially. It's also a great argument as to why black women should consider dating outside their race. This book does not, in any way shape or form, "put down" men of any race because, as it's discussed, men are men. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it, especially to black American females.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Given the title (I know judging a book by its cover and all that), the book was a surprisingly nuanced look at biases in the 'black community' about black women dating outside their race. The author mixes soft science with anecdotes to make quite a compelling case for African American women to consider expanding their dating circles.

[Maria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I saw this book in a magazine and figured I would read it since the number of highly educated unmarried black women has been a hot topic for years now. Unfortunately, this book is just anecdotal and offers little to no research, which is simply unacceptable for a sociology non-fiction book. I was beyond disappointed and do not wish to spend any more time on reviewing it.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am one of the people who believe that love is love regardless of the persons skin color. Would I rather be with a man who looks like me? Yes. Am I going to sit around waiting for this man? No. I won't deny someone the opportunity to get to know me because he isn't black.

[WillowBe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Obviously, I don't need to read this book, since I "went over to the other side" already and consider Loving Day a personal holiday. But thought it was interesting to see my thoughts collected in an orderly manner and some of the things i hadnt considered brought up and deconstructed.

[Doreen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative. Nothing new for me.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very interesting. Opened my eyes to the possibilities and was a GREAT book club discussion book!

[Elizabeth]

As heard on "Tell Me More.

[Ebony M · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best discussion of the topic of black women's marriage options of the 2010s

[Timothy Lancaster · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book when I was thinking of asking a black woman out. My brother married into a black family and he seemed to have a bit of a culture shock, so I thought I would read up so I could be best informed. I found this book enlightening on the matters of what she might run into with her family and to the obstacles in her culture that we might run into.

Ended up not working out with the woman, but I'm glad I read this.

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great read. It provides a extensive account of the assumptions, judgments and notions that interracial couples encounter. Worth the read!

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book definitely opened my eyes to some misconceptions that even I had. Without going into great details of my life - my parents provided the opportunity for me to live among other cultures, with the majority of my life spent overseas. During that period I honestly did not see race. Yes I saw different shades, but this meant nothing to me - other than different shades. I dated who I wanted, and nothing was said. Not until I came to the US was my race made a huge deal. I'm assuming that this had something to do with my environment once I came here - where black people tend to only date other black people. As a black person, I felt obligated to date only black guys. Some of the misconceptions the author provided I actually thought - but never verbalized. For example, I thought that only black guys would understand our "struggle". Lol what struggle? The only struggle I was dealing with at the time was working every day and trying to climb the corporate ladder. The guys I was dealing with were consistently under-employed (if employed at all) or had wayyyy too much drama in their lives. I'm not saying that all black men are like that, but those were the ones that I was attracted to.
But recently I took a year off from dating just to re-evaluate my life and what I wanted in a significant other. It comes to a point where you need to be happy - and just say "screw it" to others and what they think.
As others have stated, some of the information the author provided could be used for any relationship. But I am glad that someone decided to write a book on interracial relationships, especially with black females/white men. Some people still think it's unusual to see - there may be some reasons in the background why these two would end up together. But love usually doesn't see race.

[Flip · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was an okay read for me, it was funny at times.

[CKE387 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Myth vs. Reality of inter-racial dating