The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships

by Cynthia Lynn Wall, Sue Patton Thoele

You’re probably familiar with the old saying, once bitten, twice shy. It describes a painful uncertainty many of us feel every day as we try to engage with other people. Acts of betrayal from our pasts can lead us into long cycles of wariness and mistrust. An inability to trust wisely can lead us to loneliness and isolation, or worse—putting our trust in the wrong people too easily. The good news is that the ability to trust is both a choice and a skill that you can develop. You do not have to be controlled by the past. To a child, trust is a feeling that comes and goes, always under the influence of other people. Only as an adult can you learn how and when to trust more wisely. This book is a warm and friendly guide to achieving greater self-confidence and deeper levels of intimacy and trust. Helped along by the book’s exercises and ideas for self-reflection, you’ll begin to develop new patterns of trust. Start by getting comfortable trusting your own instincts. Then, experiment with developing relationships based on mutual trust and curiosity. Learn from and then let go of old betrayals that have impaired your trust-building skills, and approach the rest of your life with a renewed sense of purpose and belonging.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Psychology, Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

LCSW

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of the best "self-help" books I've ever read. And I've read probably more than I'd like to admit. Legitimately, though, it gives some really helpful language to the parts of yourself that you just can't ignore--the Child, the Protector, and the Adult. It explains what the Child needs, how the Protector reacts when the Child is threatened, and how the Adult needs to work to soothe the child and Protector in order to form lasting trust with oneself and others.

Wall discusses betrayal at great length, and shows how a seemingly minor betrayal, such as an early abandonment can impact an adult's ability to trust years down the road. The book also provides helpful exercises that lead you in discovering your own issues with trusting others and encourage you to determine how those might be playing out in your adult life.

[Deborah Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read for anyone who has been hurt in any type of relationship. She gives good examples. Easy to understand. Practical ideas. This book has guided exercises to help you understand and rebuild your trust in self and others.

[Em · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has a lot of really valuable exercises and some interesting, concrete ways of breaking down important concepts related to trust. However, I do think the author often misses important nuance in her perspective and phrasing.

[Kelly Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and some really interesting exercises. Well worth the read should you have a need to improve your relationships.

[MaterialAmbition · Rating 4 out of 5]

insightful and inspiring

[Alissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading this book after going through Tough Times on the recommendation of a friend and the exercises were super helpful in processing a lot of those feelings and some of my emotional reactions. I just re-read the whole book without doing the exercises and didn't find it quite as valuable -- even after experiencing a recent betrayal. That said, certainly worth reading if you struggle with emotional literacy and experience outsized reactions to perceived slights.

This was part of the purging of my "currently reading" shelf.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of great insight in this book and some helpful exercises to try. Also, some good recommendations on how to communicate with others and practice trusting. Instills the fact that you have to learn to trust in yourself. Wishing I had read this book years ago now. I could see myself referring back to this book and doing most, if not all, of the exercises she outlined.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspiring, insightful, and occasionally (painfully) eye opening

[Denise Mares]

So far the first paragraph on page six really hot home with me.