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Butch is a Noun
"Butch is a Noun is a book that a) should be required reading in any gender studies curriculum; b) femmes should read whenever they're feeling unloved, lonely, or misunderstood; c) butches should read; d) all of the above. The answer, of course, is d. Thank you, dear Bear."
—Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw"
—Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw"
Bear's poetry of butchness lets us see into facets of gender that usually aren't so transparent. And made me fall in love with butches all over again."
—Carol Queen, author of Real Live Nude Girl
Butch is a Noun, the first book by activist, gender-jammer, and performer S. Bear Bergman, won wide acclaim when published by Suspect Thoughts in 2006: a funny, insightful, and purposely unsettling manifesto on what it means to be butch (and not). In thirty-four deeply personal essays, Bear makes butchness accessible to those who are new to the concept, and makes gender outlaws of all stripes feel as though they have come home. From girls' clothes to men's haircuts, from walking with girls to hanging with young men, Butch is a Noun chronicles the perplexities, dangers, and pleasures of living life outside the gender binary. This new edition includes a new introduction by the author.
S. Bear Bergman is also the author of The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2009). Ze is also a frequent university and college lecturer on issues relating to gender and sexuality.
223 pages, Paperback
First published November 2, 2006
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3926 people want to read
About the author
S. Bear Bergman
22 books176 followersS. Bear Bergman is a storyteller, a theater artist, an instigator, a gender-jammer, and a good example of what happens when you overeducate a contrarian. He is the author of Butch Is a Noun (reissued with a new foreword by Arsenal Pulp Press, 2010), Lambda Literary Award-finalist The Nearest Exit May be Behind You (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2009), Backwards Day (Flamingo Rampant, 2012), Lambda Literary Award-finalist The Adventures of Tulip, Birthday Wish Fairy (Flamingo Rampant, 2012) and Blood, Marriage, Wine, & Glitter (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2013) – as well as the editor (with the inimitable Kate Bornstein) of the multiple-award-winning Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (Seal Press, 2010). Bear is also the creator and performer of three award-winning solo performances and a frequent contributor to anthologies on all manner of topics (see his CV for an extensive list of publications of presentations). Bear can be found many days in an airport lounge, writing stories on his laptop and letters on any piece of paper that can pretend to be stationery.
A frequent lecturer at colleges and universities regarding issues relating to gender, sexuality, and culture, Bear enjoys digging in to complicated ideas and getting dirty doing it. He also works extensively helping to create queer and trans cultural competency at universities, corporations, health care providers, and governmental organizations. This work has included training, policy development, policy reviews, and process/barrier audits, as well as cultural awareness consulting for external marketing.
As a Jew, Bear also speaks extensively about how his religious and cultural lives have shaped one another and the intersection of identities, especially as it relates to being both Jewish and queer. He remains exceptionally pleased to have been asked to write the chapter on trans inclusion for Hillel International’s LGBTQ Resource Guide
Less recently, Bear was one of the five original founders of the first Gay/Straight Alliance, a frequent lecturer at high schools and colleges on the subject of making schools safe for GLBT students, and a founding commission member of what is now called the Massachusetts Safe Schools Project. Bear was an insufferable know-it-all in high school, but is reformed these days. Somewhat.
Bear was educated at Concord Academy, Hampshire College, and the University of Massachusetts. He currently resides in Toronto, Ontario where he has set up housekeeping with his husband j wallace skelton and their children, and travels frequently to visit the many people close to his heart.
A frequent lecturer at colleges and universities regarding issues relating to gender, sexuality, and culture, Bear enjoys digging in to complicated ideas and getting dirty doing it. He also works extensively helping to create queer and trans cultural competency at universities, corporations, health care providers, and governmental organizations. This work has included training, policy development, policy reviews, and process/barrier audits, as well as cultural awareness consulting for external marketing.
As a Jew, Bear also speaks extensively about how his religious and cultural lives have shaped one another and the intersection of identities, especially as it relates to being both Jewish and queer. He remains exceptionally pleased to have been asked to write the chapter on trans inclusion for Hillel International’s LGBTQ Resource Guide
Less recently, Bear was one of the five original founders of the first Gay/Straight Alliance, a frequent lecturer at high schools and colleges on the subject of making schools safe for GLBT students, and a founding commission member of what is now called the Massachusetts Safe Schools Project. Bear was an insufferable know-it-all in high school, but is reformed these days. Somewhat.
Bear was educated at Concord Academy, Hampshire College, and the University of Massachusetts. He currently resides in Toronto, Ontario where he has set up housekeeping with his husband j wallace skelton and their children, and travels frequently to visit the many people close to his heart.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
June 21, 2013
Oh, man. I love Bear Bergman. I loved his* most recent book, The Nearest Exit Is Behind You. I saw him give a talk last week and it was amazing, energizing, and thought-provoking. Butch Is a Noun is the work that put him on the map and I wanted to love it, too; instead, I was barely able to stick with it to the end.
It basically comes down to this: for a book about gender, Butch Is a Noun has a really poor gender analysis. Throughout the book Bear uses "butch" and "femme" without attempting to define or explain them, with a wink and a nod, as though their meaning and their relationship to queer identity and queer politics are understood. Yet many of the essays simply map "butch" onto "masculine/gentlemanly" and "femme" onto "feminine/ladylike," then proceed to generalize in ways that would be blatantly sexist if the terms "man" and "woman" were used instead.
What to make of a a paragraph like this -- a paragraph that essentializes butchness and femmeness absent any kind of queer context, and suggests that anyone who is feminine-of-center and interacts with a masculine-of-center person in a way that is assertive and expects respect is femme? In the end, there's a complete failure to separate what is radical, liberatory gender play from what is just a queer reframing of sexism.
I still love most of Bear's work, but I'm glad that I was introduced to him through The Nearest Exit rather than through Butch Is a Noun.
* this is not the pronoun set that Bear used at the time Butch Is a Noun came out, but it is the pronoun set that he is using now
It basically comes down to this: for a book about gender, Butch Is a Noun has a really poor gender analysis. Throughout the book Bear uses "butch" and "femme" without attempting to define or explain them, with a wink and a nod, as though their meaning and their relationship to queer identity and queer politics are understood. Yet many of the essays simply map "butch" onto "masculine/gentlemanly" and "femme" onto "feminine/ladylike," then proceed to generalize in ways that would be blatantly sexist if the terms "man" and "woman" were used instead.
This business of putting a butch through hir paces does not seem, by the way, to be a learned behavior, but rather an instinctive one; little four- and six-year-old femme girls that I meet in airports and ice cream lines regularly assume their command of me, asking me questions, telling me what they want and need. In their ways, they're looking for the right kind of audience, looking to have the right kind of attention; a kind of attention I can hardly describe, but one which I recognize as the sort that butches have for femmes. It is an attention heavy with some measure of restraint, a way of relating that is queered, with irony -- here's the tough guy, the dude, the butch with the flashy moves and the nice manners, the man of things, and yet this butch, if he's a gentleman, and I am, doesn't make a move without the femme's intention being explicit and assured.
What to make of a a paragraph like this -- a paragraph that essentializes butchness and femmeness absent any kind of queer context, and suggests that anyone who is feminine-of-center and interacts with a masculine-of-center person in a way that is assertive and expects respect is femme? In the end, there's a complete failure to separate what is radical, liberatory gender play from what is just a queer reframing of sexism.
I still love most of Bear's work, but I'm glad that I was introduced to him through The Nearest Exit rather than through Butch Is a Noun.
* this is not the pronoun set that Bear used at the time Butch Is a Noun came out, but it is the pronoun set that he is using now
May 21, 2017
I enjoyed this book thoroughly. If I have one complaint it's that at times I tired of the volume of courtly love butch-adoring-femme passages. But I also recognize those probably were not written for me: much as I have adored femme women in my time, I am ultimately not a butch, or at least not the chivalrous type that is Bergman's focus.
This book has received its fair share of criticism: that it essentializes butch identities; that it recapitulates butch/femme relationships as the normative relationship for queer women; that it glorifies masculinity, machismo, chivalry etc. I think there are moments that it could be said to do these things but in the next moment Bergman will undo or question hir own statement, or introduce another voice or another experience that troubles an easy or definitive definition of butch, of femme, or of queer relationships.
I think that the instructive tone of some of the essays probably seems too prescriptive for some readers, but it is important to consider a) that this is Bergman writing about hir own experiences and not the experiences of all butches (as ze points out repeatedly) and as such may be more satisfyingly read as a memoir and b) that the instructive bits are meant to speak to certain butches who identify with at least some aspects of Bergman's version of butchness and who lack mentorship and/or understanding of that butchness; they are not for everyone. As a series of connected essays, this is a book that contains many messages for many readers, and I doubt any reader would relate to all of it.
I came to this book curious about the definition of butch identity; as a bisexual woman left out of communities of queer women more often than not I have in some ways been excused from needing to plant myself in either butch or femme camps, or even really to understand the culture of either. While there are some advantages to avoiding the butch/femme boxes, I frequently feel left out of queer sisterhoods/brotherhoods entirely by virtue of being neither butch nor femme nor lesbian. In reading this book I identified with some aspects of butchness, particularly the feeling of being deeply uncomfortable with sporting certain femme aesthetic trappings such as make-up or coiffed hair. I am supposed to like these things as a presumed and mostly-passing-as-heterosexual woman but I feel as alienated by them as Bergman does. Beyond this resonance, I did not identify with most of Bergman's version of butch and probably will remain neither butch nor femme, recognizing that even if I were to identify firmly with one of these camps, I would be at odds as a bisexual anyway.
While I may not be a butch, I think there are lessons for people of any gender in this book. Particularly, I admired and hope to take away some of Bergman's lessons about being a refuge in a storm for friends and strangers in need: "remember that you are making space for everyone who encounters you in these moments to feel as though there is kindness in the world for them; that there are people who can look beyond their own needs sometimes, and see the needs of others... make sure you don't ignore your own needs, that way lies loneliness and disappointment. But keep your eyes open for others, and ease their discomfort however you can. Use whatever you can spare."
This book has received its fair share of criticism: that it essentializes butch identities; that it recapitulates butch/femme relationships as the normative relationship for queer women; that it glorifies masculinity, machismo, chivalry etc. I think there are moments that it could be said to do these things but in the next moment Bergman will undo or question hir own statement, or introduce another voice or another experience that troubles an easy or definitive definition of butch, of femme, or of queer relationships.
I think that the instructive tone of some of the essays probably seems too prescriptive for some readers, but it is important to consider a) that this is Bergman writing about hir own experiences and not the experiences of all butches (as ze points out repeatedly) and as such may be more satisfyingly read as a memoir and b) that the instructive bits are meant to speak to certain butches who identify with at least some aspects of Bergman's version of butchness and who lack mentorship and/or understanding of that butchness; they are not for everyone. As a series of connected essays, this is a book that contains many messages for many readers, and I doubt any reader would relate to all of it.
I came to this book curious about the definition of butch identity; as a bisexual woman left out of communities of queer women more often than not I have in some ways been excused from needing to plant myself in either butch or femme camps, or even really to understand the culture of either. While there are some advantages to avoiding the butch/femme boxes, I frequently feel left out of queer sisterhoods/brotherhoods entirely by virtue of being neither butch nor femme nor lesbian. In reading this book I identified with some aspects of butchness, particularly the feeling of being deeply uncomfortable with sporting certain femme aesthetic trappings such as make-up or coiffed hair. I am supposed to like these things as a presumed and mostly-passing-as-heterosexual woman but I feel as alienated by them as Bergman does. Beyond this resonance, I did not identify with most of Bergman's version of butch and probably will remain neither butch nor femme, recognizing that even if I were to identify firmly with one of these camps, I would be at odds as a bisexual anyway.
While I may not be a butch, I think there are lessons for people of any gender in this book. Particularly, I admired and hope to take away some of Bergman's lessons about being a refuge in a storm for friends and strangers in need: "remember that you are making space for everyone who encounters you in these moments to feel as though there is kindness in the world for them; that there are people who can look beyond their own needs sometimes, and see the needs of others... make sure you don't ignore your own needs, that way lies loneliness and disappointment. But keep your eyes open for others, and ease their discomfort however you can. Use whatever you can spare."
July 26, 2007
I can't decide if I'm in love hir or think ze is a sexist pig. A good conversation starter and thought provoking when thinking about gender and gender stereotypes.
December 25, 2014
I wanted to like this book, but I found it irritatingly self-indulgent, self-promoting and chauvinistic.
January 30, 2019
As others have said, this book is...dated, to say the least. It treats butches like clueless, misogynistic men by default, who need to be taught how to talk to their wives about clothes, who couldn't POSSIBLY like to shop, whose only option was to be relentlessly tomboyish children although that is certainly not representative of the "butch experience" at large. As others also have said, there's some bizarre essentialism going on with its descriptions of "butch" and "femme," which takes a turn to include both young girls as "femmes" (instead of just...young girls?) and straight women, of all people, as femmes as well. This may shock you, but a straight woman longing for someone to treat her with respect doesn't necessarily mean she wants a "butch" –– what it indicates is a social system of misogyny that allows men to ignore and delegitimize womens' feelings. Saying that these women simply need butches is to let men off the hook for their vile treatment of the women who love them.
That said, why three stars? Some attention, though not enough, to the "butch/trans border wars," which are a primary area of study for me at the moment. Also, its attention to butchness as a gender unto itself, hence the title. Its discussion of butch/femme eroticism, and its openness about butchness existing in multiple sexual contexts (instead of only acting as a stone top) was refreshing, and I imagine even moreso in 2006!
Overall, this book is somewhat useful for me, in that I'm looking at butch/trans histories, especially with authors like Bergman, who (are in) transition. But I wouldn't recommend it to younger/questioning butches, as I think several of the ideas it advances are at best misguided and at worst downright worrying.
That said, why three stars? Some attention, though not enough, to the "butch/trans border wars," which are a primary area of study for me at the moment. Also, its attention to butchness as a gender unto itself, hence the title. Its discussion of butch/femme eroticism, and its openness about butchness existing in multiple sexual contexts (instead of only acting as a stone top) was refreshing, and I imagine even moreso in 2006!
Overall, this book is somewhat useful for me, in that I'm looking at butch/trans histories, especially with authors like Bergman, who (are in) transition. But I wouldn't recommend it to younger/questioning butches, as I think several of the ideas it advances are at best misguided and at worst downright worrying.
September 21, 2022
Butch is a Noun is a decidedly early 2000s book, and deserves the criticisms it gets for sometimes straying into the realm of misogyny, over simplification, and its use of outdated terms. That said, this book is a gem of what i would classify as "old butch thought." I have a decidedly unique view of this book, being someone that is skipped over in Bergman's descriptions of butches; I am a butch lesbian trans woman. My understanding of butchness is so vastly different, thanks to this book, than it was before. While my own brand of butch is not described or detailed, Bergman's writing strikes a chord. Bergman classifies butch as a seemingly more gentle, attentive, and steadfast form of masculinity--which has its merits especially in the older lesbian community--and posits that butch is a gender in and of itself. While my opinions on this are not important in this review, I find solace in Bergman's community. This is definitely worth a read regardless of your orientation or opinion on what it means to be butch. After all, butch IS a noun.
October 7, 2020
This book is so transmisogynist. In many chapters says that trans women can't be butches and other weird things. There a few good chapters but in general... If someone want to know about butch identity this is not the book for it
June 3, 2013
Aside from the interesting perspective of the butch/femme dynamic, S Bear Bergman has a wonderful voice and makes reading easy, even with the wide, intelligent vocabulary ze possesses. I absolutely adore gender based narratives (so I may be a tad biased) but this is a great book, especially those who need, or want, to understand how to be a gentleman.
January 31, 2022
4.5 stars-- essential butch reading! a love letter to butch gender, butch community, and butch/femme relationships.
January 26, 2024
I guess this book is controversial with some people because it really really reads like it was written in the early 2000s, which makes sense. But also I love it just because it’s an honest, funny, well-written take on butchness. Some essays resonated with me a LOT and some didn’t so much, but that makes sense because being butch is different for everyone.
Speaking of the early 2000s, I also really like this because it has a lot to say about classic butchfemme culture. It’s really interesting and meaningful as a historical text. There isn’t a lot out there about classic butchfemme and it’s always special to learn more about it. I think some people get mad because they don’t want to be a part of this subculture, but that’s fine. It’s a subculture, even in lesbian and trans spaces. Even though I can’t relate to everything I still know I’m part of the brotherhood that Bear talks about, and I want to know about my community’s history.
I think my favorite essays (with censors because there’s a lot of reclaimed slurs) in no particular order are Tr**** Bladder, Border Wars, Foie d’Butch, and Fa**** Butch.
Speaking of the early 2000s, I also really like this because it has a lot to say about classic butchfemme culture. It’s really interesting and meaningful as a historical text. There isn’t a lot out there about classic butchfemme and it’s always special to learn more about it. I think some people get mad because they don’t want to be a part of this subculture, but that’s fine. It’s a subculture, even in lesbian and trans spaces. Even though I can’t relate to everything I still know I’m part of the brotherhood that Bear talks about, and I want to know about my community’s history.
I think my favorite essays (with censors because there’s a lot of reclaimed slurs) in no particular order are Tr**** Bladder, Border Wars, Foie d’Butch, and Fa**** Butch.
April 13, 2024
the back cover says, "it makes butchness accessible to those who are new to the concept, and makes gender outlaws of all stripes feel as though they have come home." i do not completely agree. this book would be more successful if it described itself as a memoir instead of a universal guide to butchness.
that could absolve it of over-generalizations, datedness, and self-aggrandizement mentioned by other reviewers. it is ambitious but impossible for one author to capture every nuance of butchness (and femmeness) because each person who identifies this way has a deeply unique experience. regardless, i enjoyed bergman's teaching moments because ze could still be personal and vulnerable with the reader. it was natural for me to be hir student and confidante. it was refreshing to read a book by a butch for the first time.
that could absolve it of over-generalizations, datedness, and self-aggrandizement mentioned by other reviewers. it is ambitious but impossible for one author to capture every nuance of butchness (and femmeness) because each person who identifies this way has a deeply unique experience. regardless, i enjoyed bergman's teaching moments because ze could still be personal and vulnerable with the reader. it was natural for me to be hir student and confidante. it was refreshing to read a book by a butch for the first time.
January 27, 2024
I really appreciate this book. There are not a lot of books about lesbians and even fewer on butches. And most of the time when butches are mentioned it’s in the context of butch/femme relationships. While those relationships are mentioned and discussed they’re not the main focus of this book. I love that this book focuses on other aspects of butch-ness and the experience of being visibly gender non conforming.
Even though this was written twenty years ago, most of it still feels very relevant. And I loved learning about the things that aren’t so relevant anymore.
My favorite chapters were Border Wars, My Butch Brothers, and Faggot Butch.
Even though this was written twenty years ago, most of it still feels very relevant. And I loved learning about the things that aren’t so relevant anymore.
My favorite chapters were Border Wars, My Butch Brothers, and Faggot Butch.
July 10, 2021
i’m revisiting this book again and i continue to love it so very much. if you want to read something that will help you to love and understand queerness, i will always recommend this book. i discovered it in the gay section of the library my freshman year of college and checked it out, and i’m so glad i did. little lessons and moments from these essays become relevant over and over again in a million different ways.
November 7, 2020
Bear is such a great storyteller, i never wanted it to end. Tender, funny, sexy, reverent—sometimes just plain informative and helpful!— tales from the heart, told with a brilliant honesty that felt like a balm to my aching spirit.
February 18, 2021
This book gave me a lot of feelings. I might write a proper review after I've sorted through them a bit.
January 7, 2024
3.5 stars, good read had some weird parts
January 19, 2010
In addressing the world of the butch, this book comes at the issue of nonconformity with what the author amusingly calls Standard American Television Gender in a different direction than the largely MTF TG books that I've read to date. So for readers who live that other direction, maybe it's basic, maybe it's repetitive, maybe it just doesn't reflect their experiences. But for me, it was an amazing personal and heartfelt study in contrast.
Here is a person who doesn't just accept so many of the precepts of "manhood" that so many mtfs are fleeing[1:], ze[2:] is voluntarily embracing them, while discarding so much of the "femininity" that society has forced on hir. But ze is not out to destroy femininity outright; just as ze picks up what others have left behind, ze advises, "Leave femininity aside but don't ruin it."
[1:] but not all: "there are ways of butchness that are composed of the best of masculinity and leave all of its boorish excesses behind"
[2:] and boy does the author like to rock the gender-neutral pronouns
Here is a person who doesn't just accept so many of the precepts of "manhood" that so many mtfs are fleeing[1:], ze[2:] is voluntarily embracing them, while discarding so much of the "femininity" that society has forced on hir. But ze is not out to destroy femininity outright; just as ze picks up what others have left behind, ze advises, "Leave femininity aside but don't ruin it."
[1:] but not all: "there are ways of butchness that are composed of the best of masculinity and leave all of its boorish excesses behind"
[2:] and boy does the author like to rock the gender-neutral pronouns
November 13, 2016
I had a lot of issues with this book. I honestly could not tell if this was satire or not. This book states the Butch identity is always non-binary. Butch identity may be non-binary for some, but generally butch identity is located in womanhood. This book also tends towards problematic Butch/femme dynamics and uses outdated language for non-binary and transgender people. There were many other issues with this book and may edit this review when I am less annoyed.
Also PSA: DO NOT BIND WITH ACE BANDAGE. Binding with ace bandage is brought up throughout the book as how to bind. This is dangerous, uncomfortable, and incorrect. Ace bandages do not have enough give to be used safely. Use a binder made for binding the chest instead. GC2B binders are my personal favorite, they bind effectively without restricting breathing and are very comfortable.
Also PSA: DO NOT BIND WITH ACE BANDAGE. Binding with ace bandage is brought up throughout the book as how to bind. This is dangerous, uncomfortable, and incorrect. Ace bandages do not have enough give to be used safely. Use a binder made for binding the chest instead. GC2B binders are my personal favorite, they bind effectively without restricting breathing and are very comfortable.
July 12, 2008
As pride season is coming to a close, I’ve began reading Butch is a Noun and it’s been one of those books that I instantly connected with because was given to me at exactly the right moment. It’s jubilant, celebrative, and playful-everything pride should be, but it’s managed to save itself from tilting over into triviality, subsuming honesty for rhetoric, or recycling inspirational platitudes. A collection of personal essays by Bear Bergman, Butch is a Noun addresses topics that range from sex to community to his admiration of all the multi-faceted genders in his life. He is a story-teller, a gender theorist, and a synthesizer. Above all else, he is unwaveringly genuine. If you’re butch, or might be, or care about people who could be construed as, then I’d recommend giving it a read.
June 19, 2012
It was interesting to read this one after having read The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, because clearly, a lot of things changed in the intervening years between the two books, and reading them in reverse order gives one a sort of odd feeling.
But Bear, as always, is a fantastic storyteller, uses language beautifully, and speaks loudly and bravely about things some of us are afraid to talk about with our intimates, let alone put down on paper for complete strangers to read.
But Bear, as always, is a fantastic storyteller, uses language beautifully, and speaks loudly and bravely about things some of us are afraid to talk about with our intimates, let alone put down on paper for complete strangers to read.
December 7, 2022
I first read this book in 2005, staying overnight at a friend's house in Northampton, MA. I picked it up to flip through before falling asleep on my friend's futon and ended up staying up all night with it. I was pretty newly out as genderqueer at the time, still amazed and overwhelmed by the very existence of anyone else whose gender experiences I could relate to. Having since read all the author's other books, I was excited to go back and re-experience this one, after another 13 years of gender adventuring and life experience. It was just as delightful as I remembered. Reading it felt like getting a big warm hug from an old friend.
March 1, 2021
i read this orginally over a decade ago. and it was great to reread, to witness what caught my eye the first time, what i feel differently about, what i comprehend on new levels. i have grown a hundred times over in the past decade plus years. this literature is a fabulous colellection of essays from this older jewish butchs POV. i personally still resonate some of these shares, some i do not vibe with, some i still do not understand nor do i personally want to. i feel like this piece comes across much more as a memoir than anything else. i look forward to rereading this a third time one day but it wont be for a very long time.
September 15, 2024
Sharp and funny. Kind. As honest as the skinned body of a rabbit you've caught yourself is, raw and beautiful in a way you have to be starved, and tired, or a bit broken to see.
Remarks upon the sacrament of handing out your handkerchief peek out, a leitmotif peeking through and tying up together disparate essays; it is kind of a metaphor, but mostly literal and some damned good life advice at that! Can confirm, handing your handkerchief to a femme in need thereof is one of the prime joys of existence.
Remarks upon the sacrament of handing out your handkerchief peek out, a leitmotif peeking through and tying up together disparate essays; it is kind of a metaphor, but mostly literal and some damned good life advice at that! Can confirm, handing your handkerchief to a femme in need thereof is one of the prime joys of existence.
February 6, 2021
To quote a certain classic Vine: "hahaha, I do that." Personally I don't relate to the 'butches are like this/femmes are like this' view of things but as with Feinberg/SBB, we all have different stories. In some sections, Bergman plays up to those archetypes while in other chapters they're rejected, which is peculiar, but an interesting way of presenting a wide range of experiences. I wonder if there's anything similar from a UK/European perspective.
July 15, 2023
i love being butch i love butchness and i love other butches so fucking much... cried the entire book. is it decidedly early 2000s? yes, and sometimes not in a great way. that being said the 2 best essays were faggot butch and laying down with a butch bc the tender way that they describe butch4butch love and desire melted my heart
July 15, 2008
meh.
June 18, 2018
I wanted to read some LGBT books in honor of pride month, so here is Butch is a Noun. Lots of thoughts. My sister has a PhD in this sort of thing & I talked with her about the book & the author. She hasn't read the book, but has assigned some of S. Bear Bergman's essays in her classes. The author is less of a scholar & more of an activist. Which is fine. It was just good to know!
So there were some essays in this books where I highlighted entire pages & some essays that I thought would never end. When they were good, they were great, but I have to admit that the femme chapters were incredibly dull for me. I understand that ze likes to "treat femmes right", but I didn't need to read 5 essays about it. (I also don't buy into gentlemen stuff.) It got a little samesies after awhile, but this is hir's experience so...
I appreciate the afterward. I was surprised, but also not surprised that hir's activism isn't always taken well by the community. But I think that the people who usually get the most mad are also the ones that like to identity police & they need to shove off. :) On that line, Border Wars was my favorite essay. Pride month seems to draw lines of division within the community because some people don't want others to celebrate because they don't have the exact same experience. Stupid.
Either way, I liked the book. I thought it raised some valid points & highlighted some interesting experiences.
So there were some essays in this books where I highlighted entire pages & some essays that I thought would never end. When they were good, they were great, but I have to admit that the femme chapters were incredibly dull for me. I understand that ze likes to "treat femmes right", but I didn't need to read 5 essays about it. (I also don't buy into gentlemen stuff.) It got a little samesies after awhile, but this is hir's experience so...
I appreciate the afterward. I was surprised, but also not surprised that hir's activism isn't always taken well by the community. But I think that the people who usually get the most mad are also the ones that like to identity police & they need to shove off. :) On that line, Border Wars was my favorite essay. Pride month seems to draw lines of division within the community because some people don't want others to celebrate because they don't have the exact same experience. Stupid.
Either way, I liked the book. I thought it raised some valid points & highlighted some interesting experiences.
February 3, 2025
It was quite a fun guide to being butch, but the afterword threw me when ze said ze married a man and had a child.
January 25, 2024
I think this book would have been great at its publication.
There are a few things that no longer hold up due to changing popular culture, such as the distaste for plural pronouns to refer to gender non-conforming people.
There were so many times where I could see where Bergman was going with a story but I found that it was often diverted from that point that would have been impactful. Often at the end of the essay Bergman would qualify hir statement by acknowledging that there are many contrary or differing opinions and a breadth to the identity of butch that goes beyond what they spent the essay building. Resulting in the essay constantly falling flat.
I also found that Bergman refers to any non-butch, non-heteronormative or non-masculine woman as "femme". This struck me as not dissimilar to the term "female" in toxic alpha male culture today. Continually ze referred to butchness in a way directly contrasted to "femme"-ness, as if the butch identity only makes sense as the black to the white of femininity. It felt reductive and misogynistic.
I found that the anecdotes of Bergman's personal life and gendered experiences were deeply moving and poignant, whereas the generalities and prescriptive essays were where the problems persisted. Identity is not stagnant, monolithic, and restrictive, so such definitive ideas of identity necessitated the qualifying statements I mentioned above.
There are a few things that no longer hold up due to changing popular culture, such as the distaste for plural pronouns to refer to gender non-conforming people.
There were so many times where I could see where Bergman was going with a story but I found that it was often diverted from that point that would have been impactful. Often at the end of the essay Bergman would qualify hir statement by acknowledging that there are many contrary or differing opinions and a breadth to the identity of butch that goes beyond what they spent the essay building. Resulting in the essay constantly falling flat.
I also found that Bergman refers to any non-butch, non-heteronormative or non-masculine woman as "femme". This struck me as not dissimilar to the term "female" in toxic alpha male culture today. Continually ze referred to butchness in a way directly contrasted to "femme"-ness, as if the butch identity only makes sense as the black to the white of femininity. It felt reductive and misogynistic.
I found that the anecdotes of Bergman's personal life and gendered experiences were deeply moving and poignant, whereas the generalities and prescriptive essays were where the problems persisted. Identity is not stagnant, monolithic, and restrictive, so such definitive ideas of identity necessitated the qualifying statements I mentioned above.
July 17, 2017
It was ok. Started out hating it, to my surprise. But really by the end I came around. It's not so bad. I appreciated the author's new afterword. It's been said before, but the constant talk of seeing himself as a gentlemen got old fast. And I wonder if it's actually a good thing at all that the author constantly analyzes and thinks about his queer identity..? Makes a living off doing that..? Maybe that's not good for a person. Also, one of the bits where he describes his experiences as a teen in an AOL chatroom with a group of old-school femmes and trans women who were sort of "shaping" him into the butch he is today and giving him tips about sex was concerning. Could those people have really been trusted?! Bergman spoke fondly of it but I thought it was inappropriate. Maybe I'm overreacting, whatever.
The ze/hir pronouns were jarring and also got old fast. But more than anything I just never want to see or hear the word "gender" again, I've had quite enough of that thanks.
Still I think it's worth reading if you're interested in this subject (butch and femme) or if you're a transmasculine person who still feels a connection to butchness or however you'd describe that, or if you're any kind of gender non-conforming Jewish lesbian (Bergman is Jewish and talks a little about it).
The ze/hir pronouns were jarring and also got old fast. But more than anything I just never want to see or hear the word "gender" again, I've had quite enough of that thanks.
Still I think it's worth reading if you're interested in this subject (butch and femme) or if you're a transmasculine person who still feels a connection to butchness or however you'd describe that, or if you're any kind of gender non-conforming Jewish lesbian (Bergman is Jewish and talks a little about it).
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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