Think You'll Be Happy: Moving Through Grief with Grit, Grace, and Gratitude

by Nicole Avant

“Nicole Avant gives a raw and courageous look into how she found the light in her darkest moment. She reminds us that grief is different for everyone, and we have the power to move through it in our own unique way.” —Cleo Wade, New York Times Bestselling Author "Magnanimous, inspiring, and relentlessly optimistic." —Kirkus Review A spirit-lifting memoir on how to turn pain into purpose, how to live always in gratitude, and how to face down tragedy and turn it into love. Nicole Avant—diplomat, philanthropist, filmmaker—grew up surrounded by some of the most extraordinary artists of our Bill Withers, Oprah Winfrey, Quincy Jones, Sidney Poitier. Her parents—entertainment mogul, Clarence Avant, and legendary philanthropist, Jacqueline Avant—turned their home into a place of refuge and inspiration for a generation of geniuses. Nicole drew on that magical upbringing to create a stellar career in the music business, become the U.S. ambassador to the Bahamas, and produce critically acclaimed award-winning films and documentaries. Then, an unthinkable tragedy her mother was fatally shot in December 2021. In this searing and inspiring memoir, Nicole turns the pain of her family’s loss into the fuel that pushes her forward into an even more committed life of love and “We can’t banish evil,” she writes. “We have to learn to swim through trauma and live for all of those who can’t.” Turning tragedy into inspiration,  Think You’ll Be Happy —her mom’s last words to Nicole—provides a roadmap for anyone working to remain positive and anchored in hope. 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Self Help, Grief, Audiobook, Contemporary, Family

288 pages, Hardcover

Published October 17, 2023

Reviews

[Lora Hawk · Rating 1 out of 5]

I added this book to my to-read list bc it was a part of a list of recommended books I’d found in a magazine. Based on its description of the book I thought it was going to be about overcoming grief and less a personal tribute.

This book is both more of a personal tribute to the author’s mother that while sweet, seems to be her means of dealing with/ working through her own grief. Bravo for the author finding a creative method of doing the necessary grief work, yet….the book made me less interested in the author’s life and more with her parents. Her parents came across as relatable. The author came across as incredibly naive with her platitudes about mental health and pulling one’s self up by the boot straps.

While the author acknowledges her privilege, her statements quoting scripture, her vignettes from her childhood excursion to the Special Olympics Games, and her visits to orphanages in the Bahamas make her more akin to the 1% rather than illustrating her as an advocate for the most vulnerable. The entire book read as if it was a self-indulgent pat on the back that seemingly the image of her mother she painted would have hated.

This probably could have been a great book if the author had dived deeper into her own head rather than wading in the shallow end. Additionally, it seemed like the presence of scripture and the occasional story of meaningful struggle (her vignette about the gay couple her parents hosted for dinner and the oddly placed story of Ruby Bridges) seemed shoe-horned into the book. The lack of transition of these stories made the reading of them awkward and the message the author seemed to try to be conveying inauthentic.

I couldn’t finish the book. It was really that awful.

[Danijs Boguss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will start with this message from the book: Today is the day that God has given to me, I choose to be grateful for it and fulfilled, and I choose to connect with what is sent to me, and I choose to be a blessing in someone’s life. I related very much to story, all through book said message when you lose something very dear its always about yourself, how you react and what you do with that and mostly with yourself. So like author says, always make sure you live fully with excellent food and beverages in perfect company of people. And then when you do that, simply just sit still and observe. But when that hardest of them all moment hits – in hardships – you don’t leave. You in this together, so you waited out! But you have to face it. You can’t make believe it didn’t happen. In the end, forgiveness is a choice and a gift to yourself. Without it your life is mired in poison.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a raw and relentlessly optimistic memoir. The author delves into the tragic event that inspired her book—the murder of her elderly mother during a home invasion—and shares how she has tried to turn her pain into something that can help and inspire others. She talks about how she tried to care for her elderly father in the aftermath, the lessons her parents taught her, and her healing process after the tragedy.

The author turned a tragedy into something beautiful so she could help others through their own journeys. She encourages us to find the grit, grace, and gratitude to live because life is as beautiful as it is challenging. She reminds us that accepting life and death as it comes is the key to freedom.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[Charlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prior to reading Think You’ll Be Happy by Nicole Avant I was somewhat aware of her. My knowledge was from the Netflix documentary “The Black Godfather” about her father Clarence Avant. I also knew she was married to the head of Netflix. And I also knew of the tragic death of her mother, which I will admit peeked my curiosity to read this book.

I will say, I enjoyed her vulnerability and insight on her grief of her mother’s death, also her life. I have no idea of what it entails to share such pain.
I found the parts of how to live with hurt and pain of such a tragic loss thoughtful and beautiful.

And in regard to the multiple reviewers that spoke of the author’s privilege and/or name dropping, I don’t understand why you chose to read this book. In every celebrity memoir, one should expect a life filled with famous friendships, monetary wealth, access, social and political connections, and privilege. And for that to be spoken about. People should not be shamed for their life and experiences.

So, with that said, I hope people will read this memoir. It’s worth the read.

[Alicia Trapini · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was gifted this book at a Gala I had the privilege to attend, benefiting the Harlem School of the Arts. The author was heavily involved in the charity, and I felt obliged to hear her story. While I did enjoy some of the wisdom shared about grief and loss, and found the history of her influential parents to be compelling, overall I had wished the story was told in a more linear fashion, with more personal anecdotes and less repetitive preaching.

[Katelyn · Rating 1 out of 5]

You know when you’re reading something and you’re just like *needs citation and asking yourself was this fact-checked? This book really gave that to me.

There’s not even subtle bootstraps theory it’s blatant and overt. Although the author acknowledges her extreme privilege she doesn’t accurately and honestly place herself at the intersection and so you end up really feeling it as the name dropping starts.

Also lots of scripture included.

Spoiler: once the name dropping starts it doesn’t stop.

There’s a weird 9/11 analogy that doesn’t even work.

I personally don’t think Emmanuel Macron and his high school French teacher turned wife had an epic love story like the author described. Sounds creepy, probably criminal and very morally grey. The kind of morally grey that in fiction is fine but irl is cringe.

It wasn’t unreadable, but it’s the kind of book that could have been 5* with a good editor and that potential makes it hurt more.

It’s like spotting something you collect from a far at goodwill and approaching to see it’s been ruined by the previous owner’s lack of care. To see it’s potential and the miscarriage of justice is more disappointing.

that the editor did her so dirty because I see the potential.

Maybe it’s a little young for a memoir. Maybe the wasn’t enough empathy or the author is just too out of touch and removed from my life. It didn’t hit for me and felt naive at times to the point where I was literally like how old are you? How do you think this way? Reading was like taking advice from someone you don’t trust.

[Lauren Frazier · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked it but I would say pretty surfacey. Especially while in my own grief. It felt more like a political-celebrity name dropping book. But rip to her mother 🫶🏽

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book and find good advice on ways to deal with grief. It was basically a memoir about the tragic death of her mother. I feel sympathy for her and pray that her mother rests in peace.
There was a lot of name dropping of celebrities her family were friends with, but very little practical advice.

[Gary Butler · Rating 1 out of 5]

THIS IS NOT A SELF HELP BOOK. This book is also almost entirely unreadable. Random, repetitive, and contradicting. Buried beneath the religious ramblings and name drop are some interesting and very sad stuff. Always work with an editor. 0.5/5

[Lorna M. Rodio · Rating 2 out of 5]

She certainly knows a lot of famous people.

[Kayleigh Antenucci · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Beautiful testimony of her own grief and hope working together. Didn’t know her family’s story so learning that was cool. Struggled a bit with the fact that she would use scripture interspersed with a lot of other spiritual elements.

[Courtny Elizabeth Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was powerful. I sobbed at some points of this book and laughed. It was a good reminder of ways to remember my dear friend Al, but even more so, that I have to keep going and showing up for those who I love and love me.

I looked more into the author (because that’s what I do) and she is a complete badass so you should definitely read this too.

[Melody Garces · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was left teary eyed at the end and I felt glad to have dedicated the time to read it. The book contains many beautiful messages that I believe can help empower people that are going through hard times (or even if you're not going through a hard time). It was nice to be able to look into Nicole Avant's life experiences, especially with her mother, but also with all her friends and family. This book is a reminder for me to appreciate every moment we are given and that we are capable of anything.

Side note: It does have religious quotes from the Bible, Nicole shares with us her faith, and at first I was like "eh is this for me" since I don't consider myself religious, but I told myself it didn't matter, be open, and give Nicole's story "a listen". I'm glad I did.

[Colleen Chi-Girl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about grief and for grievers. I am one. I loved the audiobook and narration was great.

This is an excellent memoir to help those of us grieving the loss of a loved one, a beloved mother.

The author, Nicole Avant, lost her mother in a horrific crime by a burglar at her mother’s home in Beverly Hills. I can’t even imagine the loss of a mother in this way and Nicole creates a well balanced memoir and a self help guide. She’s easy to listen to and very down to earth.

Thank you Nicole for this heartfelt guide book.

[Corinne Wilde · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let me first preface with this, I hope Nicole Avant got what she was looking for when writing this book.

This was one of the WORST reads I’ve had in a while. While searching for books in attempt to aid my grieving process, this book came up as a must read. I warn you to not read this book unless you are looking for a very pompous journal. I was not expecting to hear all the name drops of the famous people who her and her family are friends with, how amazing she is, and honestly like 2% about grief and the person she was grieving.

I barely could make it to 50% and had to have a talk with myself to not be a quitter. In hopes that she turned it around. It was so repetitive, and she doubled down on her lack of humbleness. I commend her for being open and honest about her reaction to when her husband’s parents died. But her reaction made me dislike her so much that I could never give this book more than one star.

As an avid reader of social justice and reconstruction history, this was not the time or place for that. Had I done some more research on who Nicole Avant was, I may not have read this book. But I was intrigued by her parent’s story, and she barely even scratched the surface of who they were. I would’ve loved to have heard more about her mother. The person this book is supposedly written about in a way.

I honestly have not given such a lengthy review on here, but I hope that this reaches someone before they get into this book for the wrong reasons. It made me angry and dislike someone I don’t even know during a very difficult time in my life.

I end this with a similar statement as the beginning, I truly hope this helped the author in her healing process of losing her mother and the random people throughout her life. But I also hope she is able to find a slice of humble pie.

[Sara Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful tribute to her mother.

[LaWann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I very much appreciate what Nicole Avant was trying to convey with this book. Grief is so hard (and especially hard considering the tragic circumstances surrounding her mom’s death). I commend what she was trying to accomplish in detailing her grief journey and honoring her mom’s legacy. It was interesting to hear about her parent’s career, her upbringing and the black excellence that she was exposed to throughout her lifetime. However, the book was repetitive and disjointed at times. It seems like her thoughts were (understandably) all over the place as she wrote this. Again, I give her grace because of the challenging circumstances but think this book could have benefited from more time and editing to further flesh out the message.

[ERA D · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book left a lot to be desired, which is why it took me so long to read. The narrative felt scattered, making it hard to follow at times. When the author’s mother passed away, I remember seeing countless heartfelt tributes, which is what led me to pick up this book. However, it left me wishing her mother had been able to tell her own story instead. The book seemed to shift between name-dropping and sharing the author’s thoughts about her mother, but without much depth. Ultimately, it didn’t feel like a true memoir, as I didn’t come away feeling like I truly got to know the author, or anyone else, for that matter.

[Cris · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought the book was about dealing with grief and maybe writing the book was her way??! I have to say I was intrigued enough by her parent’s story that I looked them up…her story made her sound like a spoiled rich girl. OMG I seriously wouldn’t have admitted to doing what she did when her father in law died! She didn’t even refer to him as her father in law! I also hate books that name drop…especially when I think some of them evil! When she talks about getting her Ambassadorship…hello can you Thank you Daddy! 😵‍💫

[Linda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This one was recommended from a magazine and there was along hold so I was happy when I got it. I’m not currently dealing with grief but thought it would be good to have tools to cope. While her mother’s death is tragic this book is very little to do with that and more about her very successful life, the name dropping is excessive and doesn’t have to do with dealing with grief. She is also very out of touch with everyday people.

[Marquette · Rating 1 out of 5]

It is so hard to enjoy a book when the author is so unlikable. Not everyone should write a book, perhaps a journal or a diary would have been better for her to express her thoughts. The book was repetitive, condescending and disjointed. I know I am in the minority with my feelings on this but it was bad bad.
On another note why doesn’t Goodread have ZERO stars yet?!

[Liz DeLise]

A few decent quotes but it's a very personal book and not what I thought it was going to be. It gets repetitive. Not going to bother to rate it because it's not a book meant to be rated imo. This book was a tribute to her mom.

[Ione Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

A delicate balance of a memoir and self help albeit a little disjointed (i blame the editor)...a beautiful way to honor her mother's life.

"The trauma of her death is not the story of her life."

[Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't go down with the ship

[Meredith Perrotta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast read, a lot of biblical passages. Grief, love & family. Finding a way to live without her mom after a tragic fatal passing. Very well written.

[Brenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Her mother’s death was tragic, and I’m sure the author’s successful family and social life made for an interesting childhood, but this point of view was not was I was looking for in a book about grit and grief. The religious angle was also a turnoff

[Trysh Sturkenboom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Man is this book tone deaf. As with all self-help (I do think this is a little bit self-help ish) it's best to pick what you like from it and leave the rest, and it does have some messages about gratitude and positivity that serve as helpful reminders. However, the absolute privilege and name dropping that goes on in this book detract from any message the author is trying to convey, and at the very boring end of the book I was like "oh yeah... this is about her mom..."

In short I wouldn't recommend it unless you're a huge fan of celebrity culture and religion and then it will probably be right up your alley.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book after seeing the author on tv, however I found it hard to push through her self righteousness and continuous belittling of today’s society for using cell phones.

Her family endured a horrible trauma, and she recounts the story of her parents’ lives in a beautiful way, but it doesn’t feel like a complete manuscript. She jumps around in her own life experience, bragging about all the celebrities and political figures she grew up around.

I think this could have been done in a more tasteful way.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but I felt like it was a collection of “I know this famous person and she helped me,” and “I know THIS famous person and he helped me.” We all experience grief in different ways, but having the president stop by my house isn’t something that’s going to happen for me.

[Molly]

I was hopeful this would resonate with me, but it very much did not. I struggled with the constant celebrity name dropping, preachiness, and bootstrap mentality. However, despite my many criticisms I don't want to disparage or question Avant's personal trauma and grief journey. This just very much wasn't for me.