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Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality
Whether sharing photos or following financial markets, many of us spend a shocking amount of time online. While the Internet can enhance well-being, Elias Aboujaoude has spent years treating patients whose lives have been profoundly disturbed by it. Part of the danger lies in how the Internet allows us to act with exaggerated confidence, sexiness, and charisma. This new self, which Aboujaoude dubs our "e-personality," manifests itself in every curt email we send, Facebook "friend" we make, and "buy now" button we click. Too potent to be confined online, however, e-personality traits seep offline, too, making us impatient, unfocused, and urge-driven even after we log off. Virtually You uses examples from Aboujaoude's personal and professional experience to highlight this new phenomenon.
The first scrutiny of the virtual world's transformative power on our psychology, Virtually You shows us how real life is being reconfigured in the image of a chat room, and how our identity increasingly resembles that of our avatar.
The first scrutiny of the virtual world's transformative power on our psychology, Virtually You shows us how real life is being reconfigured in the image of a chat room, and how our identity increasingly resembles that of our avatar.
351 pages, Hardcover
First published February 7, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
July 6, 2012
Books of this ilk almost exclusively blow, which I guess makes how good this one is even more impressive. The premise of Virtually You is that the costs of the internet are felt away from the computer, far enough away that often we fail to recognize the link. It's a pretty straightforward book--he pinpoints five negative psychological forces enabled by the web and each gets a chapter: Grandiosity, Narcissism, Darkness, Regression, and Impulsivity. The point isn't that these things happen online, it's that they happen online in ways they could not happen in real life. It's more difficult to pretend to be someone else in person, selfishness is questioned or ostracized, anti-social behavior isn't tolerated and compulsions for sex or material things are tempered by actual physical constraints. There's a well-trod and tired psychology trope for the web: people create alter-egos online so they can vicariously live through them. Well, what if 15 years into widespread internet usage, that isn't true anymore? What if who people pretend to be online changes who they are offline, and what if the electronic medium inherently encourages certain types of dysfunctional, unhealthy behavior? The latter part is definitely true. There are people who develop compulsive shopping addictions online but have no problem controlling themselves in stores. Or poker addicts who don't have the slightest desire to go a casino. And the former, in my experience, is increasingly more true. Does the aggressive and short tone we can take in emails bleed over into our personal interactions? I think so. I've long since grown exhausted with books of internet and technological cheerleading. The web won. Now it's time for books like this to help us make sense of what that victory truly means and how we can live productive, healthy lives within it.
April 2, 2017
The internet has evolved considerably since the publication of this book. Some of the examples drawn here -- such as Second Life, The Sims, email dependency (for non-corporate reasons that is) -- have since faded in popularity. Even memes don't look the same as they did six years ago. Indeed, it would be great to see an updated edition that now explores phenomena like Instagram, SnapChat and Uber.
But what remains true and/or compelling is the ways in which the Internet is transforming our psyches. As Aboujaoude convincingly outlines, the virtual world doesn't quite have the same barriers or boundaries that the real world does. We are oftentimes unfiltered and uncensored and perhaps a bit too lax with our privacy. And perhaps too trusting of the information out there. Our moral compass is blurred. Decisions we make online feel less real and are therefore less modulated. But they often have real world consequences. Two examples he draws upon are online gambling and online shopping. People who ordinarily wouldn't engage in such pursuits in reality, have developed the compulsion to do so online.
Thus the question becomes, does the Internet cause us to act in impulsive ways? Or does it simply make it easier to do so? The age old nature vs. nurture debate. It's a topic worthy of consideration, especially since early brain development is now happening in a climate that is as much virtual as it is real. Are we now predominantly nurtured over the Internet? How much of what we view as natural is being cultivated online?
Some might find this book a bit too alarmist, which is to be expected, since we have all become rather dependent on the web and our highly intricately networked lives. And often we only see the benefits associated with that. But it's important to also think critically about the ways in which we utilise and disseminate this medium that has become so important to our overall functioning. At least for our own autonomy within this medium. This book makes for a great starting point to address some of those concerns.
But what remains true and/or compelling is the ways in which the Internet is transforming our psyches. As Aboujaoude convincingly outlines, the virtual world doesn't quite have the same barriers or boundaries that the real world does. We are oftentimes unfiltered and uncensored and perhaps a bit too lax with our privacy. And perhaps too trusting of the information out there. Our moral compass is blurred. Decisions we make online feel less real and are therefore less modulated. But they often have real world consequences. Two examples he draws upon are online gambling and online shopping. People who ordinarily wouldn't engage in such pursuits in reality, have developed the compulsion to do so online.
Thus the question becomes, does the Internet cause us to act in impulsive ways? Or does it simply make it easier to do so? The age old nature vs. nurture debate. It's a topic worthy of consideration, especially since early brain development is now happening in a climate that is as much virtual as it is real. Are we now predominantly nurtured over the Internet? How much of what we view as natural is being cultivated online?
Some might find this book a bit too alarmist, which is to be expected, since we have all become rather dependent on the web and our highly intricately networked lives. And often we only see the benefits associated with that. But it's important to also think critically about the ways in which we utilise and disseminate this medium that has become so important to our overall functioning. At least for our own autonomy within this medium. This book makes for a great starting point to address some of those concerns.
April 4, 2011
This is the third and last review in my “Dangers of New Technologies” series. When I put together my order for Nicholas Carr’s and Sherry Turkle’s books, Virtually You was the most recommended by Amazon, so in the cart it went. It more closely approximates Nicholas Carr’s style and focus but takes a broader brush and discusses the issue more horizontally. Rather than concentrate solely on neuroscience, he tackles the effect of the internet on our psyche, interpersonal relationships, learning style and overall behavior. In fact, if I were to pick a different sequence for how I read these three books, I might have placed this one first.
The book’s author, Elias Aboujaoude is psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and impulse control disorders. His central thesis states that the internet has developed a sort of online Mr. Hyde out of the millions of Dr. Jekyll’s that use the internet on a daily basis. By combining the internet’s vast troves of information with the privilege of anonymity and its ability to remove physical substance from such things as people, money and sex, we develop a sort of online persona that is an exaggeration of our actual, offline selves. He puts it best, I believe, in psychoanalytical terms:
“… tendencies toward self-aggrandizement, dark thoughts, impulsivity and infantile regression – we are all capable of exhibiting all of these qualities simultaneously or in succession. The part of our psyche that usually reins in these instincts – what psychoanalysts have traditionally called the superego – finds a worthy competitor in the Internet-assisted id, with its infantile self-centeredness and its dark dreams that demand to be satisfied” (286).
The fact that the internet creates a space in which we can be instantly gratified can have its deleterious effects in the offline world, making us more impulsive, impatient and crass. The rise of such practices as speed dating show how many people have lost confidence in the long-term process of truly getting to know a person, in addition to illustrating how little time we have to do it. By making all transactions virtual, consequences seem to vanish from online purchases. Privacy is quickly becoming a luxury thanks to cloud computing and crawlers indexing all internet content every few seconds. People are more likely to be uncharacteristically demanding or even caustic in emails because they don’t have to face the person directly to issue the message. And we’ve all seen enough forums and YouTube comments to know that most online debates end in absurdly cruel ad hominem attacks on individual users.
Aboujaoude’s book does not condemn the internet, as much as this review may sound like it. He does acknowledge the boon it has been for the acquisition of knowledge. However, he, like Carr and Turkle, proceeds with extreme caution and advises the reader to do so as well. Though the book is an interesting case of Ariadne’s web (the book often reads like a primer on the Internet and how to use it), it’s a great place to gather one’s bearings about the dark side of constant connectivity and social media.
The book’s author, Elias Aboujaoude is psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and impulse control disorders. His central thesis states that the internet has developed a sort of online Mr. Hyde out of the millions of Dr. Jekyll’s that use the internet on a daily basis. By combining the internet’s vast troves of information with the privilege of anonymity and its ability to remove physical substance from such things as people, money and sex, we develop a sort of online persona that is an exaggeration of our actual, offline selves. He puts it best, I believe, in psychoanalytical terms:
“… tendencies toward self-aggrandizement, dark thoughts, impulsivity and infantile regression – we are all capable of exhibiting all of these qualities simultaneously or in succession. The part of our psyche that usually reins in these instincts – what psychoanalysts have traditionally called the superego – finds a worthy competitor in the Internet-assisted id, with its infantile self-centeredness and its dark dreams that demand to be satisfied” (286).
The fact that the internet creates a space in which we can be instantly gratified can have its deleterious effects in the offline world, making us more impulsive, impatient and crass. The rise of such practices as speed dating show how many people have lost confidence in the long-term process of truly getting to know a person, in addition to illustrating how little time we have to do it. By making all transactions virtual, consequences seem to vanish from online purchases. Privacy is quickly becoming a luxury thanks to cloud computing and crawlers indexing all internet content every few seconds. People are more likely to be uncharacteristically demanding or even caustic in emails because they don’t have to face the person directly to issue the message. And we’ve all seen enough forums and YouTube comments to know that most online debates end in absurdly cruel ad hominem attacks on individual users.
Aboujaoude’s book does not condemn the internet, as much as this review may sound like it. He does acknowledge the boon it has been for the acquisition of knowledge. However, he, like Carr and Turkle, proceeds with extreme caution and advises the reader to do so as well. Though the book is an interesting case of Ariadne’s web (the book often reads like a primer on the Internet and how to use it), it’s a great place to gather one’s bearings about the dark side of constant connectivity and social media.
October 30, 2014
Should we be surprised that some of us invent new personalities on dating sites, to attract more attention? Is it shocking that the easy availability of gambling or shopping plays into addictive personalities? And, yes, if you're looking to waste time, nothing's better than surfing the internet, and getting pulled into the rabbit hole...
I suppose I think most of what Elias Aboujaoude explains in this book is pretty darn obvious, to anyone who has spent any time at all on the internet. Some of his profiles of clients (patients?) are interesting, and the issues that some people have in weaning themselves from dysfunctional behavior, should they choose to do so, are troubling. But I've read all about these "e-personality" traits many times, in various articles available in print and yes, on the internet, so didn't feel like I learned much of anything new. Maybe it would be good information for internet newbies, or those who don't use the internet much if at all. Or maybe I'm just addicted myself, and haven't realized it yet...
I suppose I think most of what Elias Aboujaoude explains in this book is pretty darn obvious, to anyone who has spent any time at all on the internet. Some of his profiles of clients (patients?) are interesting, and the issues that some people have in weaning themselves from dysfunctional behavior, should they choose to do so, are troubling. But I've read all about these "e-personality" traits many times, in various articles available in print and yes, on the internet, so didn't feel like I learned much of anything new. Maybe it would be good information for internet newbies, or those who don't use the internet much if at all. Or maybe I'm just addicted myself, and haven't realized it yet...
May 8, 2011
Frames various negative aspects of the Internet in personality dysfunction terms (e.g., propensity to fire off ill-advised emails when intoxicated or just without giving sufficient thought to impact = impulsivity; describing yourself in inflated terms in a craigslist personals ad = narcissism, etc.).
In many instances it's impossible to disagree with his conclusions -- being able to bet on stuff or order stuff online facilitates compulsive gambling and shopping; ignoring your actual relationships to spend tremendous amounts of time on Second Life is self-destructive and antisocial.....--but the book nevertheless didn't work well for me. I think the main reasons were:
1. Author's humorlessness and cultural elitism -- he's upset that some dancing baby on YouTube gets more hits than Nuryev. So what? I'm sure Britney Spears has received more AM radio play than Bruce Springsteen --- doesn't mean radio is a noxious force in society.
2. General lack of a sense of proportion. For example, he comes through a convoluted series of events to find out his doctor-boss's personal email password is "DoctorBitch" and was apparently extremely taken aback by this discovery. He features this incident on the inside front cover and for about as much of the text as that cyberbullying suicide case in which the mom pretended to be a hot boy, lured in her daughter's rival and then harassed/berated her to the point that the target killed herself. I understand it's an undignified password, and if the occasion arose that I had to reveal it to a coworker I'd be embarrassed, but is this really that big a deal?
3. Nothing he can do about it really, but a lot of it was too familiar already to warrant extended treatment in a book. People download a lot of porn -- twitter messages are often trivial -- you can waste a lot of time on facebook keeping up with "friends" who aren't close friends. I guess if you'd been on a camping trip with no access to newspapers, television, or computer for the last 15 years or so, these observations would be fresh.
In many instances it's impossible to disagree with his conclusions -- being able to bet on stuff or order stuff online facilitates compulsive gambling and shopping; ignoring your actual relationships to spend tremendous amounts of time on Second Life is self-destructive and antisocial.....--but the book nevertheless didn't work well for me. I think the main reasons were:
1. Author's humorlessness and cultural elitism -- he's upset that some dancing baby on YouTube gets more hits than Nuryev. So what? I'm sure Britney Spears has received more AM radio play than Bruce Springsteen --- doesn't mean radio is a noxious force in society.
2. General lack of a sense of proportion. For example, he comes through a convoluted series of events to find out his doctor-boss's personal email password is "DoctorBitch" and was apparently extremely taken aback by this discovery. He features this incident on the inside front cover and for about as much of the text as that cyberbullying suicide case in which the mom pretended to be a hot boy, lured in her daughter's rival and then harassed/berated her to the point that the target killed herself. I understand it's an undignified password, and if the occasion arose that I had to reveal it to a coworker I'd be embarrassed, but is this really that big a deal?
3. Nothing he can do about it really, but a lot of it was too familiar already to warrant extended treatment in a book. People download a lot of porn -- twitter messages are often trivial -- you can waste a lot of time on facebook keeping up with "friends" who aren't close friends. I guess if you'd been on a camping trip with no access to newspapers, television, or computer for the last 15 years or so, these observations would be fresh.
July 4, 2011
Like many other reviewers here, I read this title along with Turkle’s Alone Together and Carr’s The Shallows. Of the three, this author seems more casual at times than the other two, resorting to nearly flippant stinger remarks to end paragraphs. Surprisingly, I was also the impression that this author included less direct research than the other two—surprising because Aboujaoude is a practicing psychologist while Carr is a writer with no opportunity for his own research work.
The author takes a casual approach to a commonplace topic: excessive use of the Internet. Because so many people use the Internet for professional and personal interests, heavy use of online resources is generally unremarkable. That means the bar was set fairly high for what constitutes a noteworthy anecdote. Aboujaoude tries to strike a difficult balance in which he assumes his readers are frequent users of the Internet and yet not themselves hooked or obsessed.
The balance however assumes that users already have a working familiarity with online systems, but that assumption doesn't pan out considering how often basic terms and concepts were clarified and defined. In short, I often questioned who Aboujaoude’s intended audience was.
All in all, this is a pleasant, easy read and does a good job of drawing attention to a potential issue of psychology in our society. Although the text rarely presents any surprising insights, Aboujaoude succeeds in helping ensure that we think through a situation that has become so commonplace as to seem natural. Virtually You shows us that online psychology is anything but.
The author takes a casual approach to a commonplace topic: excessive use of the Internet. Because so many people use the Internet for professional and personal interests, heavy use of online resources is generally unremarkable. That means the bar was set fairly high for what constitutes a noteworthy anecdote. Aboujaoude tries to strike a difficult balance in which he assumes his readers are frequent users of the Internet and yet not themselves hooked or obsessed.
The balance however assumes that users already have a working familiarity with online systems, but that assumption doesn't pan out considering how often basic terms and concepts were clarified and defined. In short, I often questioned who Aboujaoude’s intended audience was.
All in all, this is a pleasant, easy read and does a good job of drawing attention to a potential issue of psychology in our society. Although the text rarely presents any surprising insights, Aboujaoude succeeds in helping ensure that we think through a situation that has become so commonplace as to seem natural. Virtually You shows us that online psychology is anything but.
February 19, 2018
Lots of interesting insights into the way we interact with the internet and its many avenues for communication, pleasure, and work, and the implications for this new technology on our adaptable brains. Lots of research-based analysis too, except sometimes (in more than a couple instances) he throws research to the side and makes big pronouncements about how the Internet is Big Bad and is ruining our language and making kids violent automatically. A shame because him not being able to keep his opinions separate from findings detracts significantly from his credibility.
August 23, 2011
The title of the book almost turned me off of the book; it had that annoying "Internet is bad" tone of voice that one might expect from some computer illiterate overly concerned elders. Since I constantly remind myself to NOT form strong opinions one way or the other about ANYTHING without at least experiencing it first, and I do like learning new ideas & different perspectives, I decided to read the book even though the title was a bit off-putting to me.
I’m very glad I did, because the book gets into “shades of grey” topics such as how our online personality development can 'reconfigure' our offline psychological landscape; how the term “digital divide” is taking on a new meaning as it more aptly describe the disconnect between our online life & offline life; and how blurring the two lives can have effects that I did not previously consider as noteworthy. The author, who called himself “a shrink in Silly Valley” (a psychiatrist in Silicon Valley) provided ample clinical examples and studies to shed light on some of his observations & hypothesis. The result is not nearly as black and white as the title of the book may suggest. It gave me a lot to process and think about, overall a good read.
I’m very glad I did, because the book gets into “shades of grey” topics such as how our online personality development can 'reconfigure' our offline psychological landscape; how the term “digital divide” is taking on a new meaning as it more aptly describe the disconnect between our online life & offline life; and how blurring the two lives can have effects that I did not previously consider as noteworthy. The author, who called himself “a shrink in Silly Valley” (a psychiatrist in Silicon Valley) provided ample clinical examples and studies to shed light on some of his observations & hypothesis. The result is not nearly as black and white as the title of the book may suggest. It gave me a lot to process and think about, overall a good read.
September 21, 2011
Of Facebook: "We let everyone know we were fans of Starbucks, 'Battlestar Gallactica,' and pants." (In unrelated news, why is the word "pants" so funny?)
Ah, the chapter about how we read on the internet (apparently we don't) was disheartening. We "scan" or--what's worse?--"power scan." (That latter connotes a very unlovely protein shake). Aboujaoude is a reductive sort of shrink (and sometimes a reductive sort of thinker!), throwing around invocations to the id and ego in a way that seemed a bit pat and wikipedia-ish, but I like the general architecture, and his thesis, born out of his clinical practice, is compelling: we are all regressed grandiose impulsive power-scanning narcissists now! I-yee! Often I resisted that "we." I still read whole novels, Herr Doktor! and many people I know do; none of us have killed anyone we've met through Craigslist; I don't while away the hours downloading porn; I don't play World of Warcraft. But, yes, I've googled myself, and I wasn't raised to indulge such vanity, so maybe it's all true.
A good, quickish read. Like all the books being written about the "digital revolution," one doesn't turn to this for the felicity of its prose (alas), but for its necessary provocation.
Ah, the chapter about how we read on the internet (apparently we don't) was disheartening. We "scan" or--what's worse?--"power scan." (That latter connotes a very unlovely protein shake). Aboujaoude is a reductive sort of shrink (and sometimes a reductive sort of thinker!), throwing around invocations to the id and ego in a way that seemed a bit pat and wikipedia-ish, but I like the general architecture, and his thesis, born out of his clinical practice, is compelling: we are all regressed grandiose impulsive power-scanning narcissists now! I-yee! Often I resisted that "we." I still read whole novels, Herr Doktor! and many people I know do; none of us have killed anyone we've met through Craigslist; I don't while away the hours downloading porn; I don't play World of Warcraft. But, yes, I've googled myself, and I wasn't raised to indulge such vanity, so maybe it's all true.
A good, quickish read. Like all the books being written about the "digital revolution," one doesn't turn to this for the felicity of its prose (alas), but for its necessary provocation.
July 14, 2014
It's not that I didn't like this book, just that some information in here wasn't really ground-breakingly new, and having read this some time after publication, some of the information presented is already outdated. Having said that, this book did contain some interesting tidbits on Facebook's policies and Google's limited privacy policy. Perhaps the point driven home the most, was the fact that once something is out there in cyberspace, it can never, ever be taken back, and may come to haunt you. Being of the generation which was introduced to the Internet as an adult, there were no warnings about privacy concerns, and I, like many others have a digital footprint far greater than I ever intended. If this book is somewhat alarmist about the internet and its negative consequences, I'm okay with it. Better to give us pause than to sing praises, since we seem far too aware of the many positive changes having access to the worldwide web has brought us, with nary a thought to its inherent dangers.
June 16, 2016
This had the potential to be interesting, but the author spent far too long pontificating on all the differences that the internet has made in people's lives without really following through. Yeah, so things are different. Why does that make them worse? He obviously thinks they are worse, but he never really answered that question. It annoyed me, to be honest. If you're going to be a Luddite, at least try to back it up.
November 28, 2011
Well written and readable. The author, a psychiatrist who specializes in OCDC and impulse control with expertise in digital media may be more prone to see the problems and issues that exist in use of the Internet, social networking, virtual worlds, etc. Certainly those issues make good copy. Another book could be written on the benefits of the same digital media.
December 27, 2018
Highly Helpful for Online Community Managers
At the end of "Virtually You," Dr. Elias Aboujaoude concludes that he has "tried to make the case for the existence of the online self as a relatively independent creature that does not necessarily answer to us." If you manage an online community, that statement not only send chills down your back, but explains a lot of the stuff you run into. It also means that this highly readable book will be a useful tool for predicting the behaviors of online crowds and explaining the reasons behind their actions to management.
Aboujaoude is the Director of Stanford University's Impulse Control and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Clinics, so there's more than a little credibility behind his thesis that the way we behave online can be very different than offline.
First off, clicking around the web hits the dopamine centers of the brain, creating feelings of pleasure, relation and escape from the daily grind. In many ways, these replicate drug-induced sensations. Second, a sense of anonymity, lack of geographic and personal boundaries, an absence of hierarchy, and few symbols of authority (like a policeman's uniform we'd see in real life) mix together to create an environment that encourages the id run free.
Changes in personality can include:
* Greater bravery and assertiveness
* Exaggerated sense of what can be accomplished
* Feelings of superiority towards others
* Impulsiveness
* Child-like regression
* Exaggerated sexuality
Aboujaoude notes, "We all have less inhibitions online and act out more frequently and more intense than we would in person. The normal brake system, which under usual circumstances helps keep thoughts and behaviors in check, constantly malfunctions on the information superhighway. This chronic malfunction has been called the "online disinhibition effect." That's right, being online can be seen as a form of dissociative disorder.
In an unexpected way, Dr. Aboujaoude may have helped us reach a better definition of social media. People who define it as a set of technologies completely miss the cultural differences that make social media so appealing to so many. And those who define social media as a community have never been able to define what makes it distinct from other cultures you run into, say, in other countries. But thinking of social media as technologies that induce a specific psychological state helps get us closer to a comprehensive definition. Of course, that could just be an inflated sense of accomplishment speaking.
At the end of "Virtually You," Dr. Elias Aboujaoude concludes that he has "tried to make the case for the existence of the online self as a relatively independent creature that does not necessarily answer to us." If you manage an online community, that statement not only send chills down your back, but explains a lot of the stuff you run into. It also means that this highly readable book will be a useful tool for predicting the behaviors of online crowds and explaining the reasons behind their actions to management.
Aboujaoude is the Director of Stanford University's Impulse Control and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Clinics, so there's more than a little credibility behind his thesis that the way we behave online can be very different than offline.
First off, clicking around the web hits the dopamine centers of the brain, creating feelings of pleasure, relation and escape from the daily grind. In many ways, these replicate drug-induced sensations. Second, a sense of anonymity, lack of geographic and personal boundaries, an absence of hierarchy, and few symbols of authority (like a policeman's uniform we'd see in real life) mix together to create an environment that encourages the id run free.
Changes in personality can include:
* Greater bravery and assertiveness
* Exaggerated sense of what can be accomplished
* Feelings of superiority towards others
* Impulsiveness
* Child-like regression
* Exaggerated sexuality
Aboujaoude notes, "We all have less inhibitions online and act out more frequently and more intense than we would in person. The normal brake system, which under usual circumstances helps keep thoughts and behaviors in check, constantly malfunctions on the information superhighway. This chronic malfunction has been called the "online disinhibition effect." That's right, being online can be seen as a form of dissociative disorder.
In an unexpected way, Dr. Aboujaoude may have helped us reach a better definition of social media. People who define it as a set of technologies completely miss the cultural differences that make social media so appealing to so many. And those who define social media as a community have never been able to define what makes it distinct from other cultures you run into, say, in other countries. But thinking of social media as technologies that induce a specific psychological state helps get us closer to a comprehensive definition. Of course, that could just be an inflated sense of accomplishment speaking.
August 30, 2017
A psychiatrist's look at some of the detrimental fall-out from being too much in our online world. Aboujaoude gives readers his take on people's e-personalities and how those can affect our real lives, and he explains his beliefs about how the internet change people and societies. One section that really hit home for me is the chapter on, "Ordinary everyday viciousness," (pg 88-118). Aboujaoude queries, "Why is it that online communities, which on the surface have a big unifying interest that should theoretically hold them together, have such a hard time maintaining a minimum level of proprietary online?" (Pg 97) When I see people on FB communities post such nasty stuff in comment to something someone has shared, it boggles my mind. The other aspect of this that I witness is how so many people can totally miss the thesis of a post to focus in on some inane aspect of the post rather than the point. Well worth the time to read and ponder.
July 13, 2017
Entire book reads like a Gen X diatribe against the internet and all things digital. The writer doesn't seem to understand the way the internet works, and instead just explores everything! that's! wrong! about! it! For a book published in 2011, many key facets of the internet were also left unmentioned, which makes the book come across as poorly researched.
Many of the points the author raises I agree with instinctively. I wish he had substantiated them with solid research and better arguments! The page-long paragraphs and ranty prose didn't help matters. Disappointing.
Many of the points the author raises I agree with instinctively. I wish he had substantiated them with solid research and better arguments! The page-long paragraphs and ranty prose didn't help matters. Disappointing.
August 14, 2018
Wonderful analysis on the culture of e-personalities (Internet personas) versus our truth. The author gave specific examples in each chapter. The ironic quality about his writing is everything he has suggested has bled into modern life. I felt it epitomized the importance of detaching one’s self from the Internet world. Many people’s livelihoods are dependent upon what the virtual world thinks of them, despite not yearning for the same recognition in person.
June 28, 2017
While a bit strident in places, Aboujaude warns of the dangers of putting too much fantasy into the ePerson, and not enough real knowledge and learning capability into the real one. It is easier to skim than delve, but delve makes the scholar [sorry, e-afficiandos]
June 25, 2018
Read this for a continuing education class @ Stanford. It was OK, not very engaging.
June 24, 2020
فعلاً سُحقاً لنرجسية السوشيال ميديا ✋
June 2, 2021
Bardzo nierówna książka - w sumie pogranicze socjologii, medioznawstwa i psychologii społecznej, ale napisane przez psychiatrę, co czasami tylko pozwala na świeże spojrzenie
April 5, 2021
Ever wondered how technology and social media are changing our culture? This book might give you something to think about. A bit long winded in parts but interesting.
March 15, 2011
This book focuses on the negative or dangerous aspects of our digital lives. Aboujaoude shows how the internet can foster things like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (even creating new forms of OCD that don't exist in the "real world") an unrealistic sense of entitlement, narcissism, a false sense of security, greater inclination toward immoral behavior (e.g., rudeness and name calling in online discussion), and a false sense of knowledge among other things.
It's important to realize that Aboujaoude *does not* say that the internet or our digital lives in general only (or primarily) produces these undesirable effects. This isn't a crazy attack on technology that tries to persuade us to cancel our internet subscriptions and turn off the computer. He acknowledges the many benefits of the internet (e.g., online dating) while focusing on the dangerous and harmful elements that can arise in these same areas. This is important, because the dangerous elements are often insidious and, so far, little attention or study has been given these "dangerous powers."
This book should be required reading for young people today. Actually, it should be required reading for everyone in our digital society. But the things that Elias Aboujaoude has to say in this book need to be heard early on as preventative and not just corrective--after we've already logged enough time online to develop our dangerous e-personality. Unfortunately, as the author points out, there are few, if any, classes in high-school or at the college level that address the issues this book does, despite having many mandatory computer courses. There needs to be more classes that are devoted to the ethics and psychology of our digital lives and this book should be the text-book.
"Virtually You" is thought provoking and will make you take a step back and analyze your online life and how it may be effecting your offline life (Aboujaoude argues that it does). And if that's all the book does for you then it's worth its price. (The book is also filled with interesting case studies that should keep any reader's interest peeked.)
It's important to realize that Aboujaoude *does not* say that the internet or our digital lives in general only (or primarily) produces these undesirable effects. This isn't a crazy attack on technology that tries to persuade us to cancel our internet subscriptions and turn off the computer. He acknowledges the many benefits of the internet (e.g., online dating) while focusing on the dangerous and harmful elements that can arise in these same areas. This is important, because the dangerous elements are often insidious and, so far, little attention or study has been given these "dangerous powers."
This book should be required reading for young people today. Actually, it should be required reading for everyone in our digital society. But the things that Elias Aboujaoude has to say in this book need to be heard early on as preventative and not just corrective--after we've already logged enough time online to develop our dangerous e-personality. Unfortunately, as the author points out, there are few, if any, classes in high-school or at the college level that address the issues this book does, despite having many mandatory computer courses. There needs to be more classes that are devoted to the ethics and psychology of our digital lives and this book should be the text-book.
"Virtually You" is thought provoking and will make you take a step back and analyze your online life and how it may be effecting your offline life (Aboujaoude argues that it does). And if that's all the book does for you then it's worth its price. (The book is also filled with interesting case studies that should keep any reader's interest peeked.)
May 9, 2017
I can see this book getting 2 stars but I choose to give it only one and that for a quit good reason. This book is well written and easy to read but that all it is. this book is made of pure paranoia and lack of understanding of the people using the internet.
When I first picked this book it was for a reason but after reading few chapters I noticed the trends in the book and I understood I was fooled when I picked it up.
When I saw the title and the subject of the book I was immediately interested as I truly noticed the problem in the internet user and when I start reading the TOC I was convinced that this guy truly managed to holds on the problems.
But instead he start discussing an extreme freaks problems and try to convince the reader that the freaks effect is actually are consuming us and these effect are true on every one but has different level effect. He then starts constructing the mentality of the internet user using the freaks example, some extreme cases and some observation he made about the internet community but as soon as you start reading these analysis you understand that he’s truly are just another shallow user who actually know nothing about the internet community and cyber life. He’s just another cave man who is trying to make sense of something he truly doesn’t understand. He can’t even differentiate between the problem restricted on the internet and the problems that actually common to every thing else and that what make this book even worse
But I like to be fair to the writer and say that two of the chapters in book (the one that talking about sex and the one talking about the end of privacy) are quit good but still you feel all the paranoia and dooms days mentality that the author use lingering around every where.
I’m not trying to clam that the psychiatric skill for the the Author are lacking I’m just stating that his knowledge regarding this subject is lacking and he's extremely paranoid.
What made me even more convinced that I should give this book one star is that the Author feels like he’s just another doomsday prophet who’s trying to warn the world of its coming demise.
When I first picked this book it was for a reason but after reading few chapters I noticed the trends in the book and I understood I was fooled when I picked it up.
When I saw the title and the subject of the book I was immediately interested as I truly noticed the problem in the internet user and when I start reading the TOC I was convinced that this guy truly managed to holds on the problems.
But instead he start discussing an extreme freaks problems and try to convince the reader that the freaks effect is actually are consuming us and these effect are true on every one but has different level effect. He then starts constructing the mentality of the internet user using the freaks example, some extreme cases and some observation he made about the internet community but as soon as you start reading these analysis you understand that he’s truly are just another shallow user who actually know nothing about the internet community and cyber life. He’s just another cave man who is trying to make sense of something he truly doesn’t understand. He can’t even differentiate between the problem restricted on the internet and the problems that actually common to every thing else and that what make this book even worse
But I like to be fair to the writer and say that two of the chapters in book (the one that talking about sex and the one talking about the end of privacy) are quit good but still you feel all the paranoia and dooms days mentality that the author use lingering around every where.
I’m not trying to clam that the psychiatric skill for the the Author are lacking I’m just stating that his knowledge regarding this subject is lacking and he's extremely paranoid.
What made me even more convinced that I should give this book one star is that the Author feels like he’s just another doomsday prophet who’s trying to warn the world of its coming demise.
March 8, 2011
This one is worth checking out. Some of this is information I already knew, but hadn't really stopped to process (something Aboujaoude talks about as a result of this virtual age). What I appreciate most is that although the author gives some extreme examples, he is writing the book for the average internet user. He is not advocating disconnecting our lives altogether, but rather points out the dangers of living in a world inundated with the internet and technology. This book has certainly inspired me to be more purposeful with my internet/technology use.
The book is VERY geared toward average American and Western European life. The author mentions the way that some Eastern countries are dealing with internet addiction, but he never juxtaposes the technology and culture of developing counties with that of developed countries. To be fair, I don't think the point is strictly relevant to the purpose of this book, but I do think it's something the reader should keep in mind. Aboujaoude talks about the internet/technology being practically inescapable. Although that may be true for the average American it is certainly not yet true worldwide.
A word of warning: the first two or three chapters start off strong, but the middle chapters, while somewhat interesting, had a lot of overlapping material and lengthy explanations of rudimentary psychology terms. The last three chapters caught my attention again. So, my advice is to read the beginning, skim the middle, and read the end.
Now... I'm off to do something REAL and wholly untechnological!
The book is VERY geared toward average American and Western European life. The author mentions the way that some Eastern countries are dealing with internet addiction, but he never juxtaposes the technology and culture of developing counties with that of developed countries. To be fair, I don't think the point is strictly relevant to the purpose of this book, but I do think it's something the reader should keep in mind. Aboujaoude talks about the internet/technology being practically inescapable. Although that may be true for the average American it is certainly not yet true worldwide.
A word of warning: the first two or three chapters start off strong, but the middle chapters, while somewhat interesting, had a lot of overlapping material and lengthy explanations of rudimentary psychology terms. The last three chapters caught my attention again. So, my advice is to read the beginning, skim the middle, and read the end.
Now... I'm off to do something REAL and wholly untechnological!
September 16, 2012
If you're already convinced the internet will lead to the downfall of civilization, this book is for you. If you're a fan of the outdated theories of Freud, read on. But if you want a good, scientifically-based work that examines the impact of our online lives, look elsewhere.
This book is full of theories posited, but never supported, by the author. By far, the most common word found in this book is "may," as in "the Internet MAY cause this" or "that MAY be a result of time spent online." The author forgets the tenet that "correlation does not mean causation" and doesn't seem to be interested in utilizing the regression analyses that he so pithily describes at one point to determine any connections between variables.
This work can best be summed up by a personal story shared at the end, where the author happens to find out that a seemingly-wonderful superior's email password is "doctorbitch." The author goes on to wonder at length in what ways the superior might reflect this moniker; however, in the end, there is no concrete evidence to support the notion that the author's suppositions are founded and the reader is left with a feeling of vague dissatisfaction.
This book is full of theories posited, but never supported, by the author. By far, the most common word found in this book is "may," as in "the Internet MAY cause this" or "that MAY be a result of time spent online." The author forgets the tenet that "correlation does not mean causation" and doesn't seem to be interested in utilizing the regression analyses that he so pithily describes at one point to determine any connections between variables.
This work can best be summed up by a personal story shared at the end, where the author happens to find out that a seemingly-wonderful superior's email password is "doctorbitch." The author goes on to wonder at length in what ways the superior might reflect this moniker; however, in the end, there is no concrete evidence to support the notion that the author's suppositions are founded and the reader is left with a feeling of vague dissatisfaction.
June 1, 2013
What is the price of creating an online persona? How does communication over the Internet affect how we communicate in real life? Dr. Aboujaoude explores these questions and others in a book that traces how the Internet is bringing out the worst in all of us. He’s by no means anti-technology – instead, he believes the public should know the costs and risks of a wired life.
The strongest chapters are those that stay within psychiatry, Dr. Aboujaoude’s specialty. It’s when he folds in social and/or political angles that the chapters struggle. He lacks needed expertise in these areas to make his analyses connect, and his arguments and wording are problematic in places. Reading this book, it struck me that I would love to read a work co-authored by someone with a similar background to Dr. Aboujaoude (if not the man himself) and a trained political scientist or sociologist who also studies the topic of the Internet and its affect on culture and society.
Overall, this is an interesting, important look at how the Internet has shaped us over the past two decades. The Internet has done a lot of good, but it’s good to be reminded of its dangers as well. Recommended.
The strongest chapters are those that stay within psychiatry, Dr. Aboujaoude’s specialty. It’s when he folds in social and/or political angles that the chapters struggle. He lacks needed expertise in these areas to make his analyses connect, and his arguments and wording are problematic in places. Reading this book, it struck me that I would love to read a work co-authored by someone with a similar background to Dr. Aboujaoude (if not the man himself) and a trained political scientist or sociologist who also studies the topic of the Internet and its affect on culture and society.
Overall, this is an interesting, important look at how the Internet has shaped us over the past two decades. The Internet has done a lot of good, but it’s good to be reminded of its dangers as well. Recommended.
January 10, 2013
This book makes a lot of excellent points about our online identities and how they can change us. He discussed a lot of the upsetting phenomenon I've seen and participated in very well. I found a lot of his hypotheses interesting, although I do not necessarily agree with the conclusions he came to.
I was disgusted when he said that teen boys shared a consensual (and reciprocal) shirtless photo of teen girls online because "boys will be boys." Those boys were responsible for choosing to share a photo that was sent to them in confidence. They made the choice to do so. He could have discussed the ways that the internet legitimizes their choice to do so, often by blaming the girls for sending said photos, but he didn't and missed out on the opportunity to discuss the ways the internet maintains the sexist, racist, heterosexist status quo.
I was disgusted when he said that teen boys shared a consensual (and reciprocal) shirtless photo of teen girls online because "boys will be boys." Those boys were responsible for choosing to share a photo that was sent to them in confidence. They made the choice to do so. He could have discussed the ways that the internet legitimizes their choice to do so, often by blaming the girls for sending said photos, but he didn't and missed out on the opportunity to discuss the ways the internet maintains the sexist, racist, heterosexist status quo.
April 4, 2011
Aboujaoude, a California psychiatrist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder, presents perhaps one of the best written books (one of the only?) on the dangers of society's Internet dependence. Although he presents studies and uses some medical terminology, this book is very readable and even enjoyable. He gives real-life examples of the ways in which Internet addiction has affected people--breaking up relationships and pulling people away from reality. He touches on the differences in people's actions online versus offline (the "e-personality" really can be quite different from the offline personality in some cases), and really gives the reader pause to think about how dangerous the Internet can be for our mental health.
January 3, 2012
An interesting look at our online lives. After reading (online) articles about how the Internet has changed through the years - going from using screen names and hiding real identities to NEEDING real identities to prove you're human - this is a look at the other side of things. How much information are you putting out there about yourself? What can people find out about you, and how will they use that information? I think the book might be a little more geared towards safety in regards to identity theft and professional matters, but there are also unique approaches to how online dating changes courtships and the difference between online personalities and real life identities. Very thought provoking and easy to read.
October 11, 2012
Extraordinary insight into the way our virtual "selves" can take on a life of their own, and even spill over into our non-virtual world. This is a timely discussion for our day, where we are not only spending more and more time online but also changing the way we relate to ourselves and other people. I appreciated his balanced view - the point is not to remove technology from our lives but instead to learn how to live with it. Being aware of the danger can help us to set the right boundaries and prevent internet addiction, which is not yet a diagnosable condition but slowly gaining legitimacy and recognition.
Thanks to LaVonne Neff for recommending this book: http://neffreview.blogspot.com/2011/0...
Thanks to LaVonne Neff for recommending this book: http://neffreview.blogspot.com/2011/0...
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