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Normal house, normal family, normal school. My looks are average, I don't have any superpowers, no one's showing up to tell me I'm a princess - you get the picture. But when my junior year started, something not normal happened. There were new kids at school . . . new kids with a wardrobe straight out of a 19th-century romance novel, and an inexplicable desire to stay at school until sundown.
And on top of that, James Hallowell showed up. James, who stole my sandwiches in fourth grade and teased me mercilessly through middle school. James, who now seems to have the power to make my heart race any time he comes near.
But something weird is going on. Because James rarely goes out during the day. And he seems stronger than your typical guy. And he knows the new kids, all of whom seem to be harboring some kind of deep secret. . . .
416 pages, Paperback
First published December 28, 2010
The strange staring contests. The lack of parents. And the missing blood. Oh God, the missing blood. How could I be so stupid? They’re vampires, or at least under a number of severe delusions.This was a hilarious read. It's partially a parody on Twilight and other generic vampire books, so expect quite a few insider vampires jokes. If you're expecting a DEEP DARK SCARY YA VAMPIRE NOVEL, stop here. This book is 75% lulz, it doesn't take itself seriously at all. There are stupid, dangerous, and silly vampires who are completely out of touch with modern high school life and refers to Twilight as a manual.
Jesus, Sophie, the guy’s name is Vlad.
Marisabel just shrugs, rolling on her back to stare up at an open copy of Twilight.It is light on romance, and the main character is realistic, funny, and likeable. She's a snarky journalist wannabe with as much curiosity as there is blood in her veins. The side characters (the humans, at least) are kind of shallow, but considering this book is a parody, it's fine. This isn't War and Peace, I just want a book that would make me laugh, without any elements like slut shaming and abuse/stalking that would piss me off. This book did the trick.
“This is not right at all,” she says. “Edward is dreamy, though. Maybe you could get some tips.”
I can imagine the expressions that flicker across my face; there’s the “Crap, she is a vampire,” followed by “Crap, I am not supposed to know she is a vampire,” followed by “Crap, I think she just realized that I still know she is a vampire.”Sophie wants to be a journalist. This is the year she will become editor-in-chief of her high school newspaper. Only her journalism teacher think she takes her assignments a leeeetle too far.
“Like I said, I love everything you’re doing, but our school paper is generally supposed to be less investigative and more...”She's assigned the boring-as-fuck job of interviewing the surprising number of new students that have shown up at her school over the summer. Four of them. They stare at people at length. They're really strange. They live together. They have really weird names, like Vlad and Marisabel. They're not too willing to give her any information about themselves, and Vlad is oddly fascinated with Sophie's stepsister, Caroline. Of course, he doesn't give Sophie the time of day, which SUCKS, because she's supposed to interview him. Sophie's got competition for the editor-in-chief position. She NEEDS to get this article together.
“Fluff?”
“Celebratory. It’s not that your article on the health code violations committed by lunch ladies in the cafeteria wasn’t stellar—it was—but I think we are ruffling too many feathers. I also think they spit in my soup when I’m not looking.”
Vlad is hot. Vlad is cool. Vlad has a silver Hummer with tinted windows and he offered to drive Caroline around in it. Vlad is rich. Vlad’s parents are away on business in Europe, so he has the house to himself. And yes, he’s delighted that they let his friends come stay with him this semester so he wouldn’t be lonely.Hm. HMMMMMMMMMM.
“They already like me, Neville,” Vlad says. “Did you see how many of them congratulated me afterward? Look, this is called a ‘fist bump.’ It is more accepted now than a handshake.”They walk with unnatural grace.
Vlad is making his way across the cafeteria. He moves silently and with an easy grace, an achievement when you take into account the cheap tile that makes everyone in sneakers sound like farting mice.And then there's the weird mystert of the missing blood from a blood drive.
“Not only won’t they talk to me, they scare the crap out of me. They’re not normal students. I overheard a very strange conversation yesterday. And Vlad’s dating my sister. And possibly dating his sister, too.”Sophie's investigational skills will finally get the better of her, and she'll come to discover a shocking, horrifying secret.
“She’s said to be the great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter of some dumb baby of some musty vampire family named Mervaux.”And she's going to have to decide who to trust. Can she trust James, her old best friend who might have something to hide?
“Let me guess. A half-vampire baby?” I ask, leaving off the “...who fights crime.”
“No!” Marisabel says. “A plain old human baby. That’s what makes the whole thing so weird. Who cares about a human baby? People have those all the time.” She pauses. “Well, I mean, not vampires. They never have any babies, which is good because child vampires are freaky.”
For one crazy, hurtling second I heave a sigh of relief; if forced to choose, he is the better option. But then again, I would also rather drown than be eaten by snakes.But whatever happens, Sophie is smart, intelligent, she's a fighter.
I attended a weekly karate class with the same fervor as a nun attending Mass. It was three years before my sensei told Marcie that he was afraid I was there for the wrong reasons. I believe the word “bloodthirsty” was used. Right before the phrase “I think you should get her checked out.”And she's completely prepared for whatever the vampires have to throw at her.
After a moment of deliberation, I grab the wooden spoon and a knife and do my best to file it into a point. Two thousand years of folklore can’t be that wrong, right?The Vampires:
She is gorgeous in a dark, moody way, with thin black brows and long chestnut hair that breaks into a natural wave at her shoulders. If ever there were a girl meant to sit in a smoky café and tell you about the guinea pig that died tragically when she was four, it’s her.*Stifles laughter*
“Can I ask you a question?” Violet asks. “Let us say that you liked this boy. You liked him so much that you didn’t care that your family and friends said that it would end badly. You think he admires you as well, so you give him everything that he could ever want. But what does he do? Does he stay with you forever? No! He ignores you and goes off to live who knows where.” Her voice cracks, and she lets go of my arm to flounce back into her seat. “I am at a loss,” she hiccups, holding the handkerchief to her mouth. “Do you think I should give him a lock of my hair? Maybe he is unaware that I still care.”Honestly, the girls are a lot more fun than the guys. They're hysterical in one moment, calmly cool the next. The guys are just plain awkward. This book plays on all the vampire tropes, and it's absolutely hilarious. I loved seeing the "vampires" interact with one another. I loved leader Vlad's frustration as it seems like his plan and his "friends" aren't going anywhere as planned.
“Can you believe them? Neville does nothing but attach himself to any organization that will have him, and Violet...yesterday Violet asked if I wanted to participate in a ‘quiz’ that will tell me what my ‘best fall look’ is,” he says. “What does that even mean?”Sophie:
“Mine is eggplant,” Marisabel offers absently. “And scarves.”
“And you’re stronger?”Meet Sophie, whose knowledge of vampires is restricted to Twilight. She's not dumb at all, but she's just silly enough to be endearing. Sophie is intelligent, she's a natural investigator and journalist, but she's not Too-Stupid-To-Live. She runs when there's danger. Sophie fights back when needed.
“Yes.”
“And you have heightened senses.”
“Yes.”
“And you sparkle in the sunlight.”
His lips make the “yuh” shape, but then he does a double take. “What?”
I’m just about to start my return creep across the yard when a figure darts through the far hallway. For a second my shocked brain scans for a “Stop, drop, and roll” sort of acronym that explains what to do when you’re about to be caught spying. I decide on RLH—Run Like Hell.What I love about Sophie is her sense of humor. Sophie has a deadpan internal narrative that made me giggle, she constantly makes snarky observations.
“Wonderful,” Vlad says, and then probably follows it with something else ridiculous (“Your hair is like sunlight in space” or “Let’s greet the dawn with kisses”).She's not altogether rational, she relies on gut instinct sometimes, against reason, but I understand her choices. Altogether, Sophie is an awesome narrator.
In reality our relationship consisted of hair pulling (age six), doll vandalism (age eight), and relentless teasing about my freckles (age eleven). Not exactly Romeo and Juliet, but try telling Marcie that. Luckily he moved away to New York before either one of us had to drink poison or kill a cousin.The romance in this book was really light, and thoroughly adorable. There is no insta-love. Sophie and James have known each other almost their whole lives, until he moved away...and turned into something else. James isn't your standard Edward Cullen. He does shit like climb through windows in the dark of night, but Sophie proceeds to kick the crap out of him when he does.
Now I channel all of my anger and lingering fear into one mighty upward chop to the nose. When he covers his face, I bend my knees up and use my legs to pop him off of me before rolling sideways and scrambling to my feet, my legs still shaky from the adrenaline.*cheers*
“I’m sorry, were you expecting a parade?”
“It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. You can’t kick me more than I’ve kicked myself.”Overall, great book, with likeable characters and a lot of humor. Recommended.
“Couldn’t you have just dyed your hair purple and called it a day?” I ask weakly. When I think about the loneliness and grief that drove him to do this, I am suddenly choked up. I slide halfway across the floor to be closer, to let him know that I appreciate his honesty. When I stop, he lifts an eyebrow.
“Really? That’s the best sob story I’ve got. What does a guy have to say to make you move all the way?”
"... I thought I would be even safer in a human high school. No one expects to find vampires in high school,” he says, attempting an apologetic smile.

Marisabel just shrugs, rolling on her back to stare up at an open copy of Twilight.
“This is not right at all,” she says. “Edward is dreamy, though. Maybe you could get some tips.”



Finally a smart protagonist. Sophie knows when somethings not right and she’s determined to find out. I’ll make this spoiler free & just state the obvious.
Every character in this book is fitting and perfect to the T. Noone was too evil & noone was too smart for their own good. Everyone had there own personality, except the twins of course. And everyone had a purpose. There were no random characters thrown in the book just for a filler.
The flow of the story was great. It went from the basic getting to know the character straight to the action. Page after page it just kept getting better & better. Not to mention the blossoming romance between Sophie & James. Nothing happened to fast and nothing went to slow.
One thing that annoyed me though was the mention of Sophie’s freckled body over & over again. By the third time her freckles were mentioned & Vlad was asking people about marks I knew she was the one. I mean it was bound to happen, but just for once in a book I’d like it if the main character wasn’t the CHOSEN ONE.
Overall though, I’d say it was a great book.