Relational Masks: Removing the Barriers That Keep Us Apart

by Russell Willingham

The Avoider. The Deflector. The Self-Blamer. The Aggressor. Recognize someone you know? Or yourself? We all know people who seem to get stuck in unhealthy patterns of relating to others. Sometimes we're puzzled by a loved one's evasiveness or surprised by a friend's defensive aggression. Occasionally we look in the mirror and see such troubling behaviors in ourselves. All of these are masks that we hide behind, and they prevent us from having authentic relationships with others. Counselor Russell Willingham identifies the relational masks that obstruct us from relating freely to other people and to God. Drawing on a wealth of practical experience and biblical insight, he diagnoses the destructive ways that we respond to others and shows how underlying false beliefs govern our thinking and actions. He also shows how each mask can be subverted from within and turned inside out to help us move toward healthy relationships. Each chapter includes tools and questions for discussion and application. Discover how to relate to others with the honesty and authenticity God intended--and find the relational freedom and satisfaction you’ve been yearning for.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian Non Fiction, Relationships

192 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2004

Reviews

[Eileen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Relational masks are strongholds and there are 7 core beliefs to the foundation of these strongholds.

[Benjamin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relationships are hard. Sure, once you have communication down, they become easier. However, there are subconscious traumas from our developmental years that will affect how we interact with others for the rest of our lives. These are the things that impede us honestly and intimately communicating with others to build those relationships. While not necessarily a guide on how to fix these traumas, Relational Masks does a great job of identifying the core beliefs that influence how we put barriers between others and our vulnerable selves.

While I understand that many of these “categorization” philosophies (like Meyers-Briggs, 5 Love Languages, etc.) aren’t great at identifying growth areas, I appreciate how they can be something to point to for self-identification. Relational Masks certainly has a categorical set of coping techniques to keep ourselves at arm’s length from those we hold close. Each of these “masks” is a bit of a spectrum of how strongly it affects how you interact with others, just like the Core Beliefs can be weaker or stronger depending on the trauma. Not that “trauma” is really the right word because it seems so extreme.

This book really works well if others around you who you trust also read it and can help you identify when you’re using a mask to block a moment of vulnerability. Unfortunately, there are plenty of examples in the text that feel a little too intense to be relatable. Sure, people can have these severe problems like alcoholism or prostitution, but when you have nothing nearly that bad happening in your life, it’s difficult to connect to the framework in Relational Masks. Still, even if using it for identifying areas to work on in our lives, Relational Masks is a useful tool.

A great introspective tool with a few too many extreme examples, I give Relational Masks 4.0 stars out of 5.

[Johann Harnisch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book all should read!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

So similarly to the book on Boundaries, this book has some great Christian insights about people's issues! It's written by a Christian counselor and so he has a lot of experiences with these particular barriers that people face in relationships.

The specific portraits he paints of the different relational masks are not limited to things that Christians experience but he draws from his experience to translate it to how this plays out in the church, in marriages, and in other relationships.

I thought this book was helpful. Of course, certain parts applied to me more than others since he highlights and explains 6 or so different character types. But overall, it was really useful to identify lies that I believe as well as grow in understanding both myself and others in how we interact w/ others and the world around us.

This book is great for what it is. It's not a profoundly theological book, but it's very practical in bringing Jesus in to daily issues and paints a great picture of how to live in the freedom that Jesus offers. It's especially helpful if you've thought about some of these issues before and can recognize/admit some of the barriers that you have.