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A Safe Place: The True Story of a Father, a Son, a Murder
"Dramatic, graphic and wrenching...The reader is left to wonder--at the devastation of Carcaterra's youth, at his survival to adulthood, and at the grace that allowed him to craft this piercing memoir."
THE WASHINGTON POST
Lorenza Carcaterra grew up in Hell's Kitchen, New York in the 1950s and '60s in a confusing world of love and fear of his paradoxically violent and affectionate father. Then Lorenzo learned that his father had murdered his first wife. And he wondered how he could love his father again. Did he possess the same murderous fury; would he someday suddenly lash out at those he loved? As his father's physical abuse escalated, Lorenzo sought frantically for a safe place...a place where he could find hope and reconciliation and peace, where his father's terrible shadow no longer lingered. Now, decades later, Lorenzo has finally come to terms with the awful truth about his father. A SAFE PLACE is the brilliant result.
THE WASHINGTON POST
Lorenza Carcaterra grew up in Hell's Kitchen, New York in the 1950s and '60s in a confusing world of love and fear of his paradoxically violent and affectionate father. Then Lorenzo learned that his father had murdered his first wife. And he wondered how he could love his father again. Did he possess the same murderous fury; would he someday suddenly lash out at those he loved? As his father's physical abuse escalated, Lorenzo sought frantically for a safe place...a place where he could find hope and reconciliation and peace, where his father's terrible shadow no longer lingered. Now, decades later, Lorenzo has finally come to terms with the awful truth about his father. A SAFE PLACE is the brilliant result.
320 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 4, 1993
44 people are currently reading
484 people want to read
About the author
Lorenzo Carcaterra
49 books698 followersNumber-one New York Times bestselling author Lorenzo Carcaterra's highly successful career spans more than 25 years of writing for the diverse fields of fiction, non-fiction, television, and film.
Born and raised in New York's Hell's Kitchen neighborhood, Carcaterra landed his first job in the newspaper business as a copy boy for The New York Daily News in 1976. He worked his way up to entertainment reporter before leaving the paper in 1982, heading for the green pastures of then-Time Inc. and TV-Cable Week, as senior writer. Nine months later, the magazine folded, leaving him unemployed. A four-month stint at People magazine was followed by an odyssey of writing for a string of start-up publications—Picture Week, Entertainment Tonight Magazine, Special Reports Magazine—and freelancing for dozens of others—The New York Times Sunday Magazine, Newsday Sunday Magazine, Family Circle, Ladies Home Journal, and Twilight Zone Magazine among them.
In 1988, Carcaterra turned to television as a Creative Consultant for the syndicated weekly series Cop Talk: Behind the Shield, produced by Grosso-Jacobson Productions. That led to a job as Managing Editor for the CBS weekly series Top Cops, also with Grosso-Jacobson Productions. Running for four seasons, from 1990 to 1994, the show is still in syndication today worldwide. In addition, he worked on a dozen other pilots, one of which––Secret Service (NBC)––made it to air. It was while at Grosso-Jacobson Productions that Carcaterra wrote and published his first two books, A Safe Place and Sleepers.
First published in hardcover in 1993, A Safe Place: The True Story of a Father, a Son, a Murder, attracted widespread critical acclaim, with Newsweek calling it, “unforgettable—a remarkable book.” Currently in its 14th printing, it has been sold to 11 foreign countries and has sold close to 220,000 copies.
The 1995 publication of Sleepers, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback, catapulted Carcaterra to national attention. Sold to 35 foreign countries and now in its 38th printing in the United States, the book has sales exceeding 1.8 million copies. In 1996, Sleepers was made into a feature film starring Brad Pitt, Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Bacon, Minnie Driver, and Jason Patric. Carcaterra served as co-producer on the project, which was directed by Academy Award winner Barry Levinson. To date, the movie has earned in excess of $500 million worldwide in combined box-office, video, DVD, and TV sales.
Carcaterra made a smooth transition into writing fiction with his first novel, Apaches, a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback. Published in a 14 foreign countries, the book has sold more than 450,000 copies and been optioned by producer Jerry Bruckheimer.
He followed that with Gangster, published in hardcover in 2001. The book has sold over 375,000 copies since its 2002 release as a Mass Market Paperback. The novel has been optioned by Joe Roth and been sold to 15 foreign countries.
Carcaterra then wrote Street Boys, a World War II saga inspired by an incident which occurred in Naples, Italy, in 1943. Warner Bros. and Bel-Air Entertainment bought the rights to the story in March 2001 before it was written, and developed the project for director Barry Levinson. Carcaterra wrote the screenplay. The paperback was released in July, 2003 and has since sold 150,000 copies.
Carcaterra's next novel Paradise City was published in hardcover by Ballantine in September 2004 with the paperback following a year later. To date, the novel has sold over 100,000 copies and was optioned by Fox Television to be developed as a weekly series.
In 2007, Carcaterra published Chasers, a sequel to his bestseller Apaches. The paperback version was published in the spring of 2008 and movie rights to the story are once again controlled by Jerry Bruckheimer Productions.
With that, Carcaterra took a different turn and has just completed hi
Born and raised in New York's Hell's Kitchen neighborhood, Carcaterra landed his first job in the newspaper business as a copy boy for The New York Daily News in 1976. He worked his way up to entertainment reporter before leaving the paper in 1982, heading for the green pastures of then-Time Inc. and TV-Cable Week, as senior writer. Nine months later, the magazine folded, leaving him unemployed. A four-month stint at People magazine was followed by an odyssey of writing for a string of start-up publications—Picture Week, Entertainment Tonight Magazine, Special Reports Magazine—and freelancing for dozens of others—The New York Times Sunday Magazine, Newsday Sunday Magazine, Family Circle, Ladies Home Journal, and Twilight Zone Magazine among them.
In 1988, Carcaterra turned to television as a Creative Consultant for the syndicated weekly series Cop Talk: Behind the Shield, produced by Grosso-Jacobson Productions. That led to a job as Managing Editor for the CBS weekly series Top Cops, also with Grosso-Jacobson Productions. Running for four seasons, from 1990 to 1994, the show is still in syndication today worldwide. In addition, he worked on a dozen other pilots, one of which––Secret Service (NBC)––made it to air. It was while at Grosso-Jacobson Productions that Carcaterra wrote and published his first two books, A Safe Place and Sleepers.
First published in hardcover in 1993, A Safe Place: The True Story of a Father, a Son, a Murder, attracted widespread critical acclaim, with Newsweek calling it, “unforgettable—a remarkable book.” Currently in its 14th printing, it has been sold to 11 foreign countries and has sold close to 220,000 copies.
The 1995 publication of Sleepers, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback, catapulted Carcaterra to national attention. Sold to 35 foreign countries and now in its 38th printing in the United States, the book has sales exceeding 1.8 million copies. In 1996, Sleepers was made into a feature film starring Brad Pitt, Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Bacon, Minnie Driver, and Jason Patric. Carcaterra served as co-producer on the project, which was directed by Academy Award winner Barry Levinson. To date, the movie has earned in excess of $500 million worldwide in combined box-office, video, DVD, and TV sales.
Carcaterra made a smooth transition into writing fiction with his first novel, Apaches, a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback. Published in a 14 foreign countries, the book has sold more than 450,000 copies and been optioned by producer Jerry Bruckheimer.
He followed that with Gangster, published in hardcover in 2001. The book has sold over 375,000 copies since its 2002 release as a Mass Market Paperback. The novel has been optioned by Joe Roth and been sold to 15 foreign countries.
Carcaterra then wrote Street Boys, a World War II saga inspired by an incident which occurred in Naples, Italy, in 1943. Warner Bros. and Bel-Air Entertainment bought the rights to the story in March 2001 before it was written, and developed the project for director Barry Levinson. Carcaterra wrote the screenplay. The paperback was released in July, 2003 and has since sold 150,000 copies.
Carcaterra's next novel Paradise City was published in hardcover by Ballantine in September 2004 with the paperback following a year later. To date, the novel has sold over 100,000 copies and was optioned by Fox Television to be developed as a weekly series.
In 2007, Carcaterra published Chasers, a sequel to his bestseller Apaches. The paperback version was published in the spring of 2008 and movie rights to the story are once again controlled by Jerry Bruckheimer Productions.
With that, Carcaterra took a different turn and has just completed hi
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
February 27, 2019
I really hated this book. I hated that Carcaterra chose a first person point of view and then cheated out by telling us other people's thoughts. I hated that he presented this story, his discovery as a teenager that his father had a criminal past, as a life-altering event. Yet if one computes the timeline of Carcaterra's memoir life, the events in A Safe Place must have taken place just after he was released from a horrific stay in a juvenile facility, as depicted in Sleepers. Wouldn't that also have something to do with the life alteration? And I especially hated the blow-by-blow, nearly loving, descriptions of Carcaterra's father's abuse of his wife. The boy Lorenzo is horrified by his father's abuse, so he says, but the way he writes it is just sick.
September 29, 2025
Nepagražinta italų imigrantų Amerikoje istorija ketvirtame praeito amžiaus dešimtmetyje.
Sunkus vyrų darbas dokuose, muštynės namuose, vaikų gaujos gatvėse, skurdus gyvenamasis būstas. Bet nepaisant to, ten žmonėa jautėsi savi ir saugūs.
Knygoje pasakojama apie sūnaus ir tėvo santykį: apie tai, kaip auklėjo tėvas sūnų ir tai, koks jis užaugo.
Sunkus vyrų darbas dokuose, muštynės namuose, vaikų gaujos gatvėse, skurdus gyvenamasis būstas. Bet nepaisant to, ten žmonėa jautėsi savi ir saugūs.
Knygoje pasakojama apie sūnaus ir tėvo santykį: apie tai, kaip auklėjo tėvas sūnų ir tai, koks jis užaugo.
April 28, 2021
I almost gave up on this a few times--it was a very hard book to read. But Carcaterra tells a compelling story, though I liked Sleepers way better.
A Safe Place is the story of Carcaterra's father, a conman, adulterer, wife beater, gambler, and murderer. A horribly violent man that picked fights at the slightest provocation, amassed huge debts, and beat his wife nearly to death when she couldn't pay for his transgressions.
For most of the book, it read like Carcaterra was somewhat proud of his father's rep as a "tough guy," and he did very little, if anything, to protect his mother. But when he learns of the crime that landed his dad in jail before Carcaterra was born, he slowly begins to change. Learning of the crime most likely kept him from following in his father's footsteps, and I suspect that was why his mother told him when she did.
The end of this non-fiction tale of an irredeemable man still manages to be heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, because that's the kind of writer Carcaterra is. But I wish he'd chosen a more worthy subject to write about. I hope he's been able to move past the shadow of his dreadful father.
A Safe Place is the story of Carcaterra's father, a conman, adulterer, wife beater, gambler, and murderer. A horribly violent man that picked fights at the slightest provocation, amassed huge debts, and beat his wife nearly to death when she couldn't pay for his transgressions.
For most of the book, it read like Carcaterra was somewhat proud of his father's rep as a "tough guy," and he did very little, if anything, to protect his mother. But when he learns of the crime that landed his dad in jail before Carcaterra was born, he slowly begins to change. Learning of the crime most likely kept him from following in his father's footsteps, and I suspect that was why his mother told him when she did.
The end of this non-fiction tale of an irredeemable man still manages to be heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, because that's the kind of writer Carcaterra is. But I wish he'd chosen a more worthy subject to write about. I hope he's been able to move past the shadow of his dreadful father.
January 4, 2023
"Its time you knew the truth," she said. " About your father."
"What about him?"
"His first wife," she said. "She didn't die of cancer"
"How did she die?"
"He murdered her"
Lying on his deathbed, Lorenzo asks his father about the murder of his first wife. The rest of the book proceeds to reveal the physical and emotional abuse that the author and his mother suffered at the hands of his father. Born into an area of New York called Hell's Kitchen in 1954, Lorenzo details growing up with a father who was a conman, an abuser and a tyrant.
Published in 1993, Carcarerra's details the non fiction story of growing up with an abusive father. Topics such as physical, emotional and sexual violence appear within the book.
Carcarerra's beautiful way of writing means this brutal tale is easy to understand and makes an incredible novel. Not to be read by the faint hearted though.
"What about him?"
"His first wife," she said. "She didn't die of cancer"
"How did she die?"
"He murdered her"
Lying on his deathbed, Lorenzo asks his father about the murder of his first wife. The rest of the book proceeds to reveal the physical and emotional abuse that the author and his mother suffered at the hands of his father. Born into an area of New York called Hell's Kitchen in 1954, Lorenzo details growing up with a father who was a conman, an abuser and a tyrant.
Published in 1993, Carcarerra's details the non fiction story of growing up with an abusive father. Topics such as physical, emotional and sexual violence appear within the book.
Carcarerra's beautiful way of writing means this brutal tale is easy to understand and makes an incredible novel. Not to be read by the faint hearted though.
August 5, 2019
Lorenzo Carcaterra tells the horrifying true story of living with his violent father, Mario Carcaterra. Although his narration of brutality is very graphic, it is not gratuitous. It’s written very matter-of-factly. I liked the narrator’s style that much that I flew through the book. Spoiler alert!
Lorenzo’s mother, Rafaella, married Mario and left Italy with promises of a wonderful life he would give her in America. But the reality was very different. She was taken to live in a rough part of New York called Hell’s Kitchen; a community where domestic violence was considered the norm. Rafaella, very early in their marriage was on the receiving end of her husband’s frequent violent outbursts. Her injuries from regular beatings sometimes needed hospital treatment - and that became the pattern of their life together. His unpredictable temper could flare up from little to no provocation at all. But that was the accepted way of life in Hell’s Kitchen in a very macho culture; it was common to hear the cries of women being beaten.
Mario lived beyond his financial means. He was always borrowing, or scamming people out of their money. So they were always in debt and forever ‘borrowing from Peter to pay back Paul’.
In the beginning Lorenzo worshipped his father; the man who affectionately called him one punch. But his powerful father could erratically be affectionate one minute and violent the next. He was goodhearted, but his downfall was his temper - so the young boy’s idolisation teetered between love and fear. It was hard to imagine his emotional confusion.
To a certain extent I could understand why Rafaella didn’t leave Mario, when she knew he was capable of killing her. She was devoutly religious, and believed in the sanctity of marriage, so, as far as she was concerned she had a sacred obligation and divorce was out of the question. But surely when he started beating her son, his safety should have been paramount.
A trip to Italy with his mother was an epiphany for Lorenzo, when he saw how normal families lived; how men treated their wives and children with love and respect. But then the bombshell, when he found out, at the age of 14, that his father murdered his first wife, completely destroyed any remnants of their father son relationship.
It was a miracle that Lorenzo survived and turned out the way he did. Considering his male role model, he grew up the polar opposite of his father and was a loving husband and caring father to his children. But he was never to forget his father and there were even fond memories of his childhood. I found the Chinese proverb so appropriate. ‘You have to dig deep to bury your Daddy’.
Lorenzo’s mother, Rafaella, married Mario and left Italy with promises of a wonderful life he would give her in America. But the reality was very different. She was taken to live in a rough part of New York called Hell’s Kitchen; a community where domestic violence was considered the norm. Rafaella, very early in their marriage was on the receiving end of her husband’s frequent violent outbursts. Her injuries from regular beatings sometimes needed hospital treatment - and that became the pattern of their life together. His unpredictable temper could flare up from little to no provocation at all. But that was the accepted way of life in Hell’s Kitchen in a very macho culture; it was common to hear the cries of women being beaten.
Mario lived beyond his financial means. He was always borrowing, or scamming people out of their money. So they were always in debt and forever ‘borrowing from Peter to pay back Paul’.
In the beginning Lorenzo worshipped his father; the man who affectionately called him one punch. But his powerful father could erratically be affectionate one minute and violent the next. He was goodhearted, but his downfall was his temper - so the young boy’s idolisation teetered between love and fear. It was hard to imagine his emotional confusion.
To a certain extent I could understand why Rafaella didn’t leave Mario, when she knew he was capable of killing her. She was devoutly religious, and believed in the sanctity of marriage, so, as far as she was concerned she had a sacred obligation and divorce was out of the question. But surely when he started beating her son, his safety should have been paramount.
A trip to Italy with his mother was an epiphany for Lorenzo, when he saw how normal families lived; how men treated their wives and children with love and respect. But then the bombshell, when he found out, at the age of 14, that his father murdered his first wife, completely destroyed any remnants of their father son relationship.
It was a miracle that Lorenzo survived and turned out the way he did. Considering his male role model, he grew up the polar opposite of his father and was a loving husband and caring father to his children. But he was never to forget his father and there were even fond memories of his childhood. I found the Chinese proverb so appropriate. ‘You have to dig deep to bury your Daddy’.
February 12, 2016
One of the worst books I've ever read. It's so bad, that it made me also not like one of the author's OTHER books (Sleepers) as much as I used to because due to this book, A Safe Place, I'm not sure it happened. Both timelines of true stories cross each other without mention of the other happening. This book is difficult to read and there are no characters you like. Well, you might feel sorry for the mom, but that's it. Basically this is Lorenzo Carcaterra's true story of how he he watched his father basically beat the crap out of his mom for years, after the father killed his first wife. The author doesn't really do anything about it until around the last 40 pages. Very violent. I like the author's other books, but I probably won't read any more of his stuff after this. Just avoid this one.
May 15, 2018
Why would anyone write a book about such an arsehole??? I kept reading, hoping the story was going somewhere, but it didn't- miserable story about a horrible man, don't bother
November 19, 2025
A safe Place,1992; in het Ndl. Een veilige plek, 1997 bij Uitg. Nuitingh; 320 blz.
Geschreven door Lorenzo CARCATERRA (1954) een Amerikaan van Italiaanse afkomst; meer bepaald van het eiland Ischia dat meermaals in het boek voorkomt.
Carcaterra is bekend bij het grotere publiek voor zijn boek "Hell's Kitchen" later verfilmd als "Sleepers" met grote namen als Kevin Bacon, R de Niro, D.Hoffman, Brad Pitt...
Dit is geen roman, maar een vreselijke autobiografie; dus uiteraard gebaseerd op waargebeurde feiten.
Carcaterra is zijn carrière begonnen als journalist; en dat blijkt enigszins uit dit boek dat op droge, feitelijke gegevens en eigen herinneringen gebaseerd is.
In zijn jeugd woont Lorenzo met zijn moeder Raphaëlla en zijn vader Mario in Hell's Kitchen, toen een ruwe wijk in New York.
Mario heeft zijn vrouw, tevens zijn nicht, leren kennen op Ischia toen hij daar tijdens een zeldzame vakantie bij familie verbleef. Hij was reeds eerder getrouwd geweest, maar zijn vrouw was overleden. Hij beloofde haar de hemel op aarde, de Amerikaanse droom! R trouwde met een man die ze nauwelijks kende en volgde hem naar de US.
Bijna het hele boek draait om de relatie tss Lorenzo en zijn vader en hoe deze evolueert.
In zijn jonge jaren kijkt de jongen geweldig op naar zijn vader: hij kan het goed uitleggen, gaat op stap met zijn zoontje, tracteert op ijsjes, neemt hem mee naar het stadion en bokswedstrijden... Vader-zoon activiteiten.
Nochtans ziet en hoort de jongen regelmatig hoe Mario zijn moeder vernedert, kwetst, uitscheldt en aftuigt. Meermaals wordt ze in het ziekenhuis verzorgd, maar Lorenzo komt niet tussenbeide, maakt geen opmerkingen.
Spoiler alert!!
Als hij 14 is, tijdens een lange vakantie op Ischia, samen met zijn moeder, vertelt zijn grootmoeder hem hoe Mario's eerste vrouw om het leven gekomen is; hij heeft haar vermoord, gesmoord met een hoofdkussen in een aanval van jaloezie, woede en razernij. Het werd beschouwd als een "crime passionel" en hij kreeg maar 6 jaren. ( Die zes jaren achter de tralies komen uitvoerig aan bod en geven een goed beeld van de bajes in die jaren.)
Vanaf dan verandert de houding van de jonge L. compleet; hij begint afstand te nemen van zijn vader, stelt zich talrijke vragen, wil weten wat er ECHT gebeurd is, hoe dat allemaal gelopen is .. en vooral: wie is zijn vader eigenlijk? L besteedt jaren aan de zoektocht naar de waarheid, raadpleegt kranten, archieven, ondervraagt vroegere buren, familieleden, maar het is een moeizaam proces.
En de bewondering die hij toch voor zijn vader voelde, slaat allengs om in diepe haat. Hij is overweldigd door twijfels en angsten; lijkt hij op zijn vader? is hij zelf ook een potentiële moordenaar??
Die vader is dan ook een weinig aaantrekkelijk personage:
ruw, grof, gewelddadig, agressief, een man die zijn vrouw slaat ( maar dat scheen in de jaren '50 en '60 de norm te zijn in die buurt),
overspelig
een leugenaar,oplichter en fraudeur, die zelden werkt, iedereen geld aftroggelt en zijn schulden probeert af te lossen met het geld dat hij steelt van zijn vrouw.
Nochtans overweegt Raphaëlla nooit haar man te verlaten; ze zijn gehuwd, hij is haar echtgenoot en zo zal dat blijven, tot in het graf.
Het boek eindigt met de laatste dagen van Mario, stervend aan kanker in het hospitaal. Lorenzo zit aan zijn zijde en ze voeren echte gesprekken.
"De huid op zijn gezicht leek wel namaak... Zijn mond stond halfopen en zijn adem rook naar de dood.
' Hou je van me' zei hij.
Ik bleef hem aanstaren.
'Dat heb je nooit makkelijk gemaakt' , zei ik.
'Klets niet', zei mijn vader. 'Mijn leven is voorbij en ik wil weten of je van me houdt'.
Antwoord: zie verder in het boek.
Goed, vlot geschreven in een erg factuele stijl.
Boeiend, meeslepend, soms spannend, soms een beetje onsamenhangend.
Een pijnlijke autobiografie. Dit boek schrijven heeft moed gevraagd, denk ik.
Geschreven door Lorenzo CARCATERRA (1954) een Amerikaan van Italiaanse afkomst; meer bepaald van het eiland Ischia dat meermaals in het boek voorkomt.
Carcaterra is bekend bij het grotere publiek voor zijn boek "Hell's Kitchen" later verfilmd als "Sleepers" met grote namen als Kevin Bacon, R de Niro, D.Hoffman, Brad Pitt...
Dit is geen roman, maar een vreselijke autobiografie; dus uiteraard gebaseerd op waargebeurde feiten.
Carcaterra is zijn carrière begonnen als journalist; en dat blijkt enigszins uit dit boek dat op droge, feitelijke gegevens en eigen herinneringen gebaseerd is.
In zijn jeugd woont Lorenzo met zijn moeder Raphaëlla en zijn vader Mario in Hell's Kitchen, toen een ruwe wijk in New York.
Mario heeft zijn vrouw, tevens zijn nicht, leren kennen op Ischia toen hij daar tijdens een zeldzame vakantie bij familie verbleef. Hij was reeds eerder getrouwd geweest, maar zijn vrouw was overleden. Hij beloofde haar de hemel op aarde, de Amerikaanse droom! R trouwde met een man die ze nauwelijks kende en volgde hem naar de US.
Bijna het hele boek draait om de relatie tss Lorenzo en zijn vader en hoe deze evolueert.
In zijn jonge jaren kijkt de jongen geweldig op naar zijn vader: hij kan het goed uitleggen, gaat op stap met zijn zoontje, tracteert op ijsjes, neemt hem mee naar het stadion en bokswedstrijden... Vader-zoon activiteiten.
Nochtans ziet en hoort de jongen regelmatig hoe Mario zijn moeder vernedert, kwetst, uitscheldt en aftuigt. Meermaals wordt ze in het ziekenhuis verzorgd, maar Lorenzo komt niet tussenbeide, maakt geen opmerkingen.
Spoiler alert!!
Als hij 14 is, tijdens een lange vakantie op Ischia, samen met zijn moeder, vertelt zijn grootmoeder hem hoe Mario's eerste vrouw om het leven gekomen is; hij heeft haar vermoord, gesmoord met een hoofdkussen in een aanval van jaloezie, woede en razernij. Het werd beschouwd als een "crime passionel" en hij kreeg maar 6 jaren. ( Die zes jaren achter de tralies komen uitvoerig aan bod en geven een goed beeld van de bajes in die jaren.)
Vanaf dan verandert de houding van de jonge L. compleet; hij begint afstand te nemen van zijn vader, stelt zich talrijke vragen, wil weten wat er ECHT gebeurd is, hoe dat allemaal gelopen is .. en vooral: wie is zijn vader eigenlijk? L besteedt jaren aan de zoektocht naar de waarheid, raadpleegt kranten, archieven, ondervraagt vroegere buren, familieleden, maar het is een moeizaam proces.
En de bewondering die hij toch voor zijn vader voelde, slaat allengs om in diepe haat. Hij is overweldigd door twijfels en angsten; lijkt hij op zijn vader? is hij zelf ook een potentiële moordenaar??
Die vader is dan ook een weinig aaantrekkelijk personage:
ruw, grof, gewelddadig, agressief, een man die zijn vrouw slaat ( maar dat scheen in de jaren '50 en '60 de norm te zijn in die buurt),
overspelig
een leugenaar,oplichter en fraudeur, die zelden werkt, iedereen geld aftroggelt en zijn schulden probeert af te lossen met het geld dat hij steelt van zijn vrouw.
Nochtans overweegt Raphaëlla nooit haar man te verlaten; ze zijn gehuwd, hij is haar echtgenoot en zo zal dat blijven, tot in het graf.
Het boek eindigt met de laatste dagen van Mario, stervend aan kanker in het hospitaal. Lorenzo zit aan zijn zijde en ze voeren echte gesprekken.
"De huid op zijn gezicht leek wel namaak... Zijn mond stond halfopen en zijn adem rook naar de dood.
' Hou je van me' zei hij.
Ik bleef hem aanstaren.
'Dat heb je nooit makkelijk gemaakt' , zei ik.
'Klets niet', zei mijn vader. 'Mijn leven is voorbij en ik wil weten of je van me houdt'.
Antwoord: zie verder in het boek.
Goed, vlot geschreven in een erg factuele stijl.
Boeiend, meeslepend, soms spannend, soms een beetje onsamenhangend.
Een pijnlijke autobiografie. Dit boek schrijven heeft moed gevraagd, denk ik.
December 9, 2020
Love is often complicated and family is even more so. In this book, Carcaterra tried to untangle both threads in an attempt to understand, and in a way accept, the man his father was. At the same time, it is also a personal story of himself as his father's son and his own perception of his violent yet affectionate father and how that image and their relationship changed throughout the years especially after his discovery of his father's act.
This is one of the best books I've read in a while and what I love most about it is how Carcaterra is able to take me into not only his own mind at different moments of his life but pulled me directly into his own world. It didn't take long before I find myself suffocated in the tragedy of twisted and love and unforgivable sins, all of it carved in a solid and multi-dimensional representation. For instance, there is no doubt that his father was a horrible person but he had his own twisted idea of integrity and responsibility and despite the pain that it must have cost him to admit it, Carcaterra tried to show his father as the man he is in all of his complexities. Similarly, he also described his relationship with his parents, and especially his father in a similar manner, painting bright and sharp colours of passion but still highlighting the complex subtleties.
If you are willing to let go of your own preconceptions of what love means to you and look out from the eyes of the characters involved, you could have an inkling of an understanding of what life is like for the characters involved, what they view as normalcy and how they defined love. Understanding does not mean excusing or condoning but instead accepting the cruelties of the world and in my opinion, is one of the first steps one could take in unlocking its solution and be a sound reminder to others before they fall onto the same path.
This is one of the best books I've read in a while and what I love most about it is how Carcaterra is able to take me into not only his own mind at different moments of his life but pulled me directly into his own world. It didn't take long before I find myself suffocated in the tragedy of twisted and love and unforgivable sins, all of it carved in a solid and multi-dimensional representation. For instance, there is no doubt that his father was a horrible person but he had his own twisted idea of integrity and responsibility and despite the pain that it must have cost him to admit it, Carcaterra tried to show his father as the man he is in all of his complexities. Similarly, he also described his relationship with his parents, and especially his father in a similar manner, painting bright and sharp colours of passion but still highlighting the complex subtleties.
If you are willing to let go of your own preconceptions of what love means to you and look out from the eyes of the characters involved, you could have an inkling of an understanding of what life is like for the characters involved, what they view as normalcy and how they defined love. Understanding does not mean excusing or condoning but instead accepting the cruelties of the world and in my opinion, is one of the first steps one could take in unlocking its solution and be a sound reminder to others before they fall onto the same path.
March 4, 2024
Lorenzo Carcaterra’s Nonna Maria mystery series led me first to “Three Dreamers: A Memoir of Family”—which details the loving influence of his grandmother, brutal influence of his mother and joyful marriage to his late wife—and ultimately to this memoir of how the rage and violent actions of his late father continue to impact Lorenzo to this day.
Lorenzo did not become like his father, despite his father’s best efforts to make him so. That Lorenzo found unconditional love with his marriage to Susan Toepfer remains a miracle, and that he has transmitted only the best to his children and grandchild is his life’s greatest work.
Lorenzo is a master writer, whatever genre, who takes his readers to the grim streets of NYC’s Hells Kitchen, the private violence that families try to keep beyond closed doors, the beauty of a loving extended family, his slow and steady path toward his career goals, his sanity and creating a family of his own.
Lorenzo did not become like his father, despite his father’s best efforts to make him so. That Lorenzo found unconditional love with his marriage to Susan Toepfer remains a miracle, and that he has transmitted only the best to his children and grandchild is his life’s greatest work.
Lorenzo is a master writer, whatever genre, who takes his readers to the grim streets of NYC’s Hells Kitchen, the private violence that families try to keep beyond closed doors, the beauty of a loving extended family, his slow and steady path toward his career goals, his sanity and creating a family of his own.
August 25, 2023
So tragic! Told from the son's viewpoint of his father, mother, and family. Insite into life in the Hell's Kitchen area of New York. What was acceptable for the men's behavior toward women, work, play. Only son of Mario, Lorenzo loves his father despite the abuse he heaps on his mother. This all changes the day he is told his father had another wife that he murdered. His love turns to hate and his life is consumed with trying to understand how his father could do that terrible act. At the same time, he is filled with fear that he might be capable of killing someone since hw has his father's dna.
August 11, 2023
I'm utterly speechless trying to decide whether I'm glad this story found me one day in an old bookstore or if it should have stayed on the bookshelf.
Reading it challenged my own way of thinking and brought back childhood memories buried long time ago.
It's a great but harsh book written by a truly great author. It depicts numerous difficult subjects that in a way everyone needs to read about and see for themselves, learn from the pain.
It's 4am, I need to sleep, I don't know what else to say except "a safe place" is not a safe place.
Reading it challenged my own way of thinking and brought back childhood memories buried long time ago.
It's a great but harsh book written by a truly great author. It depicts numerous difficult subjects that in a way everyone needs to read about and see for themselves, learn from the pain.
It's 4am, I need to sleep, I don't know what else to say except "a safe place" is not a safe place.
October 7, 2017
If there is a line between love and hate, it is not only thin, but blurred almost to oblivion. Some people cross it, weaving, some people straddle it, some choose a side. Even those with penchant for one side or the other cannot help but to drift once in awhile. Amazing, sad, hard to fathom story, painted so well with deep textures, many layers, fine details. I could hear these people talking in my head!
March 25, 2024
A difficult book to read and not his best writing. He gives gory details about his mother and father but then skips over things he should go into detail about. I will read his other books as I love reading about Italians ... I am of Italian decent. A lot of what he writes takes me back to Jersey and my neighborhood
October 26, 2025
Grimly Realistic; Well Written
This book was hard to read, but I'm glad I did. Makes one realize what others must sometimes endure to let go of the past and claim their own individuality. I recommend this book, even though it contains graphic violence. The violence is not gratuitous.
This book was hard to read, but I'm glad I did. Makes one realize what others must sometimes endure to let go of the past and claim their own individuality. I recommend this book, even though it contains graphic violence. The violence is not gratuitous.
August 16, 2017
Intense story with a lot of uncomfortable moments involving extreme violence and a totally dysfunctional family. The author exposes the reality of the emotional conflict and damage caused my domestic abuse. Gripping and real.
November 17, 2018
A heart-breaking, yet riveting story of a family of Italian immigrants. Carcaterra leads the reader through domestic abuse, loss of innocence, and resolution. Some actions can never be forgiven, but one can make peace with it. Carcaterra does just that.
February 21, 2020
A horrible Father and Husband
A story about growing up with a physically abusive Father and the effect it had on the son and his abused Mother. There is a lot of violence in the book, not to mention the regular use of vulgar language.
A story about growing up with a physically abusive Father and the effect it had on the son and his abused Mother. There is a lot of violence in the book, not to mention the regular use of vulgar language.
July 22, 2021
I always question a bit how much of a "true story" it is when there is so much dialogue from decades before when there's no possible way anyone would remember in that much detail. It makes for a more entertaining narrative but still it feels embellished.
August 31, 2017
Awesome
Couldn't put this one down. An abusive father and husband and also a devoted father through the eyes of his son. Well written and very touching at the end.
Couldn't put this one down. An abusive father and husband and also a devoted father through the eyes of his son. Well written and very touching at the end.
December 17, 2018
Was not a compelling book.
November 7, 2019
Painful
August 10, 2022
Sunki knyga emociškai, bet nepaleidžianti, labai patiko, tai tikrai nelengvas romanas, tai gyvenimas. Labai patiko, paliekantis daug vietos apmastymams
September 2, 2022
This novel placed me in an emotional rollercoaster. Lorenzo Carcaterra has such a way with his words: I wish I could read this again for the first time!
September 25, 2022
2.5 Eh... interesting story, interesting to learn about Hells kitchen. Didn't keep me interested in the middle....
April 26, 2023
Very good book. Would like to add that there are very detailed domestic violence scenes so the reader should be careful if that will trigger something.
August 8, 2024
This was sad story that really made you think about the world we live in.
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July 5, 2025Jan-2000
July 27, 2025
This is one of my favourite books. I picked it up from a flee market when I was 12 and have bought it 3 times since. I re read it every few years.
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