Witness to Myself

by Seymour Shubin

The Barnes & Noble Review
When successful lawyer Alan Benning -- tormented by the thought that he may have committed a murder 15 years earlier -- returns to the scene of the crime, he realizes that justice, however delayed, has a way of always being served. When he was a teenager, his family rented a camper for a few weeks during a summer vacation and traveled to Cape Cod. During that brief stay on a quiet stretch of sandy beach, Alan -- whose adolescent life was characterized by "bewilderment and self-loathing" -- stumbled across a young girl trying to get a kite out of a tree. But instead of helping the girl, he sexually assaulted her. When the girl started screaming, he panicked and silenced her with an act of violence. He ran back to his family's camper, and they eventually returned home as if nothing had happened. Now Alan is assailed by guilt: Did he kill the girl or not? He has to know

More than a half century after Shubin's crime fiction classic Anyone's My Name (1953), this novel takes a decidedly restrained look at pulp mystery. The brutal sexual crime -- which is the linchpin for the whole story -- is quickly glossed over in a few paragraphs and hardly ever mentioned again. As a result, the story line loses much of its knuckles-to-jawbone intensity, and instead of developing into an adrenaline-fueled whodunit, Witness to Myself becomes more of a psychological study in guilt, paranoia, and, ultimately, redemption -- a rare bullet-free Hard Case Crime release that is as melancholic as it is disturbing. Paul Goat Allen

Genres: Crime, Fiction, Mystery, Pulp, Noir, Thriller

250 pages, Paperback

First published April 4, 2006

About the author

Majored in journalism at Temple University and began his career editing a detective magazine. His first novel was Manta which was published in Great Britain and his second novel Anyone's My Name was a best-seller.

Reviews

[Dan Schwent · Rating 3 out of 5]

When Alan Bennig was 15, he had an odd encounter with a girl on a beach. They struggled, she fell, and he ran. Now, fifteen years later, Alan is consumed with a desire to find out if he killed the girl. Will what Alan finds destroy him?

Witness to Myself isn't your typical Hard Case. It reminds me of The Confession a bit. Seymour Shubin really knows how to build the tension and give us an insight into Alan's tortured psyche and makes the reader care about him despite his flaws. That's really about all I can say without giving too much away.

While it isn't a typical Hard Case, it's definitely worth a read for fans of psychological suspense.

[Donald · Rating 4 out of 5]

One quarter of the way through and I am hooked! It is a real page turner!

Overwhelming guilt. Fifteen years. A return to the scene of the crime. And the truth. The agony that the main character goes through is tragic, though totally self-inflicted. I very much felt a "Tell Tale Heart" vibe throughout the read.

“Kill yourself or give yourself up!”

[Malum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Shubin writes guilt and paranoia so well that you feel like you've done something wrong yourself as you read.

[Joe Santoro · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm finding that the Hard Case Crime series are not always hard case crime novels... a decent percentage are novels that are of a more general mystery/thriller type category by writers who have done noir in the past.

This is one of those... mostly its a character sketch of Alan Benning, a lawyer and all around good guy that seems to be good because of guilt he has over an incident that happened when he was 15 where he may or may not have killed a girl.

It's pretty good as a character study, and Alan and his cousin (the narrator) are both interesting, but the actual plot leaves alot to be desired. While I was happy the author avoided a couple cringe-worthy twists that presented themselves, it was TOO straight to the end... nothing really happens.

There was a few things that seemed off as well (besides some really poor editing)... the book seems to be set in the current time (2006) but no one has a cell phone. Sure, smart phones weren't around yet, but cells were, and a lawyer and a crime writer would both have them... not a single character has one. Alan does use the internet though, so it's clearly meant to be current.

I also wonder at the fact that alot of Alan's guilt came from him considering himself a pedophile, when the crime he committed happened when he was 15 and his victim was 13... that seems like just trying to make it worst for effect... while I get that that could be part of him beating himself up with his guilt, the impression was that other considered it such as well, when the events showed that was clearly not the case (he was depicted as a hormonal teenage boy that just didn't know what to do with his urges and got scared).

While there were certainly interesting bits, it could have been SO much better.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

What's more frustrating than a bad book? A mediocre book that had the potential to be great.
There's a lot to like about WITNESS TO MYSELF. At times, the writing is excellent, and the plot premise is very compelling. Unfortunately, the end result is just one big shrug. The novel does a great job setting itself up for a thrilling conclusion, but then chooses to go out with a whimper rather than a bang. It's like painstakingly preparing all the pieces for a game of MOUSETRAP--only to kick over the board once it's time to start playing.
The ending of the book is so weak that it makes the majority of what came before it feel like a waste of time. What was the point of becoming involved in all those various plot threads if ultimately they don't pay off?
As my father likes to say, the surprising plot twist was that there were no plot twists.
Another mistake is that Mr. Shubin wrote the book from the perspective of a secondary character, rather than the primary one. It's a cute little artistic flourish that wreaks havoc on the narrative flow. It also provides a pretty big hint as to the main character's fate, making a dull ending even more predictable.
Finally, the manner in which the story unfolds really strained my credulity. The main character has to be one of the unluckiest people in all of fiction. His paranoia really got on my nerves after a while, but I couldn't really blame him for it. After a while, it felt like God Himself wanted to see the poor guy get caught.

[Craig Childs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of Hard Case Crime publisher, having read 40 of their books (about half of their total output). This was one of my favorites. It's hard to recap the story without giving too much away, but the author paints a compelling portrait of a young man tortured by guilt for years: his overriding sense of panic, his attempts to make up for his sins by devoting himself to good works, his conflict between self-preservation and confession, his paranoia that keeps betraying him.

While there is actually little action or violence in present-time (most of it comes in flashbacks), there were certainly elements of mystery throughout--a dogged retired police officer who won't let a cold case die, a serial killer who might just be the real murderer, and a faceless adversary driven for revenge by his own demons.

It's nice to see a noir novel that incorporates modern-day technology; the internet plays a prominent role. However, there are still a number of anachronisms --corded telephones, people can find working payphones, almost every character still receives a morning newspaper--but these are relatively harmless.

My only minor disappointment was that a few of the subplots never really went anywhere. They were used to ratchet up the tension and add a little mystery, but in the end they did not influence the payoff of the final scenes. The ending, as it turned out, was more heartrending than climactic, but it also felt true-to-life and realistic.

[Downward · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a half satisfying book that reads like the telltale heart in a modern urban setting, with a b-plot that is meant to supplement the a-plot, but actually surpasses it atmospherically and thematically so that whereas the climax of the a-plot is basically what it always had to be, the b-plot is basically dropped when it no longer serves. but let's ditch the abstraction: our main character committed a terrible crime when he was a child and lives in fear that he's going to get caught for it, even as an adult. he saves a man who attempts to commit suicide, but then is subject to that man's wrath because, after all, that man wanted to die. this secondary plot feeds the first plot in that our main character is being punished for his good deed while getting away for his horrible deed, but can't go to the police about his punishment for his good deed because it might remind them that he did the bad deed. ok. ok. ok.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unlike other Hard Case Crime offerings, Witness to Myself is not about a mobster or hitman or hi-tech executive turned drug-dealer. It is an unusual story in that respect and lacks some of the over-the-top action found in many other Hard Case Crime books. It, however, is not a disappointment by any means. It is a brilliant piece of work told from two points of view, that of Alan, the young cousin, and Alan's cousin, who later became a crime reporter. At the beginning, it is a little confusing with the switching between the two points of view, but any such confusion settles down later.

On the surface, Alan is a good, decent kid who spends vacations with his parents and does not get into much trouble. Alan eventually grows up and becomes a well-respected lawyer and is appointed to head a much-renowned charitable organization. But, Alan is troubled. He is troubled because he has a deep, dark secret that he has been trying to suppress for many years going back to age fifteen, when on a family vacation to Cape Code in the family motorhome, he went on a run barefoot through the woods by himself. In the woods, he came upon a young girl, perhaps twelve, and helped her get her kite down. Then, following some impulse that he chose not to control, Alan touches the girl inappropriately and strangles her. His family leaves the place where they pulled out to meander on the beach and Alan is haunted by what he did. His entire life is consumed by the guilt of what he did although he never heard anything about on the news so he is not entirely sure if he actually killed the girl. Alan is consumed with his guilt and, when his father pulls him aside to talk about the dangers of drugs, Alan is afraid because he thinks his secret has been discovered.

Years later, Alan meets a young nurse while in the hospital and, despite her suspicions and those of her father, that he might just be another creep out to use her and throw her away, they have a burgeoning romance. Yet, Alan is still consumed with what he did years ago and he has to know what really happened. Of course, this means returning to the scene of the crime and asking questions that might only end up exposing him - - that is, if he actually did what he thinks he did.

The story was fascinating because it goes into the mind of Alan, who the reader knows is a creep, but no one else in his life knows that about him. The story is about what he did tears him apart and leaves the reader with questions about the nature of evil. The story is also about whether he can ever be redeemed and whether that one horrible moment in Cape Cod is what really defines him. Or is Alan as seemingly innocent (except for that one vicious, heinous moment) as he makes himself out to be? Is this book a confession by one consumed with guilt for his horrible crime or is the book rather an
attempt by an evil conniving pedophile to whitewash what he has done and plea on the jury's (or the reader's) sympathies and argue mitigating circumstances and remorse. How do we (the readers) really know if this is truly the only time Alan acted out or how many other things he got away with while pretending to be a fine upstanding citizen? Is the entire book a phony ploy for sympathy? In this respect, perhaps Alan is scarier and more manipulative of the reader than Lou Ford in the Killer Inside Me ever was. At least Lou Ford knew there was a sickness inside of him. Alan never seems to be willing to admit it.

All in all, a wonderful character study of a criminal who perhaps wants the reader to think of him not as so much of a criminal

[Michael Belcher · Rating 2 out of 5]

This noir novel fails to live up to the potential of its intriguing premise. Echoing the earlier works of Jim Thompson and later works of Jason Starr the book tells the story of a man haunted by a murder he may have conducted as a teenager. Unfortunately, underdeveloped characters, confusing narrative shifts, and a rushed conclusion results in a subpar pulp novel that is more tedious than twisted. A dud in the Hard Case Crime library.

[Vultural · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shubin, Seymour - Witness To Myself

Successful attorney carries a secret.
Years earlier, still in his teens, he killed someone.
Or he might have killed them. He was frightened and ran away.
Guilt gnaws at him, and he begins to retrace his old steps, just to find out.

Man, over and over, I kept telling this guy to live with it - forget it - bury it.
Course then there would be no story.
We all do things we're ashamed of, we all live with skeletons.
Did not enjoy this one.

[Claudia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am only giving it 3 stars because it is a tragic story and even though you want to see the story unfold, ultimately it is a tragedy. Wouldn't have picked it up to read if I had know what it was about.

[Warren · Rating 3 out of 5]

It almost seems like the author got bored with the book and tied up all the details in a couple chapters just to finish.

Had promise, but three stars.

[John Stanley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing special. Dull. A waste of time.

[Eden Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Visit JetBlackDragonfly (The Man Who Read Too Much) at www.edenthompson.ca/blog

"He knew he was guilty... but of what?"
I enjoy discovering new authors in the Hard Case Crime series. They are republishing old pulp detective and crime novels, and finding new novels from vintage crime writers. Witness To Myself has a great cover, and great title. Seymour Shubin has written a dozen more titles in the 50's (Anyone's My Name, My Face Among Strangers and The Man From Yesterday), but this one has never before been published.

Fifteen years ago, teenager Alan Benning jogged off a beach - and into a nightmare.
Alan meets a young girl, and in his mind innocently touches her bathing suit. He realizes how it looks and runs off in a panic, throwing her to the ground. Thirty years later, he still thinks of that day, and begins to investigate what happened to her. He is hounded by a terrible voice saying he killed her that day. He drives to the spot and through the town nearby. The more time he spends there the more people might recognize him. He looks through old issues of the local paper, and finds she did die that day. Was it him, or possibly the work of a drifter in the area at the time with other murders to his name?
He is filled with dark secrets and begins driving everyone away, plagued by paranoia and guilt. There is also a shadowy adversary - a man he helped save from falling before a train - a man who wanted to die, and now stalks Alan for saving him. He feels the force of justice drawing a net around him, tighter every day...

Witness starts with a grim sense of doom and never lets up. I found it remarkable that Shubin could maintain the tension for 250 pages, piling endless agony onto Alan, watching him fall deeper into the hole. It seems no one could help him, no one could hear the tortured guilt in his mind. The curiosity about that incident turns into raving paranoia. Each avenue he pursues seems destined end in his getting charged with murder.

As a dark noir novel I'm reminded of the films Detour, or I Wake Up Screaming. There is a hopelessness to the character, and the slow acceptance they have met the end of the line. Most noir titles I've read have a character or incident which lightens the story, there is a promise he will stay with the girl, the police will find the real murderer, etc. I was surprised by how insistent the voice of guilt was in Witness, right to the end. It was a tense, paranoia filled journey with Alan, but very well written and entertaining. It just never let up!

[Ralph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seymour Shubin has been writing for a good many years and knows how to tell a story that drags the reader along, even if kicking and screaming. In “Witness to Myself” he presents a sophisticated and enthralling psychological tale of suspense. From the very beginning, you know it is not a standard story, told in the third person by a first person narrator. We are presented with Allan’s, the protagonist, innermost thoughts and fears, but he is not the teller of his own tale, at least not directly. The narrator is his cousin, who, we learn as the story evolves, has intensely interviewed his cousin. The narrative style introduces a strong sense of uncertainly and doubt. Is Allan telling the truth to his cousin? Has he deluded himself? Is Allan’s story being filtered through the cousin’s own feeling of repugnance at Allan’s crime, and his guilt at not guiding and helping his cousin in the past? At the moment of the crime, which occurs fairly early in the book, we think we know what happened, but as time passes, as Allan weaves new possibilities and puts forth new hopes, that sense of certainty begins to erode until we are left with nothing but the fact of a dead girl and a guilt that gnaws like acid for nearly two decades. If you are looking for an easy read, with an astute detective doggedly following clues to a solution that is satisfactory for all, this book is probably not for you. It is complex and challenging, deep and disturbing, and the ending is more appropriate than satisfying.

[Nate Harrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's difficult to know whether to expect a solid punch, engaging plot twist or just a mild crime story from a book in the Hard Case Crime family. "Witness to Myself" starts out promising the first, hints at the second and seems to end up being the third out of this lot. A story about a man who is haunted by the fact that he doesn't really know whether or not he accidentally murdered an innocent girl in his youth, it rolls along at the decent pace of a good pulp yarn and promises much but doesn't deliver what it builds up to. In fact, the entire middle section of the story could be cut out of the book and it would make little difference to how the book begins and how the reader assumes it would end.
With that being said, this book is a pulp crime novel and is from a more simple and direct school of story telling. The fun thing about these books sometimes lies in their simplicity and not the fact that they are trying to pull an M Night Shyamalan on you. Read it for what it is and it will entertain you. Read it expecting anything out of the norm and it will only disappoint.

[Urbaer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Despised it. The framing device seems rather weak. An author who can't find a story to write? Does seem that Seymour had the same issue.

Very little happens and the character (OK the character's cousin) tends to be pushed along because of his own paranoia. Seems to indicate that librarians will think that anyone that researches murders at a library must be a killer. The last third seems to throw up an interesting idea but then it turns out to be nothing. Final chapter then does a 'here's what happened' that feels rushed and doesn't really add anything.

But there's nothing to move the book forward. I don't care if the guy gets caught by the cops or not. Sure I don't really like him, but I don't hate him. There was no last minute twist to knock you out of your chair or anything really to redeem the slog that was the first two thirds.

This book took me five months to read and it was a real effort to get through it. There are much better Hard Cases worth your time.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of Witness to Myself is very good. The protagonist knows that, years ago, he assaulted a girl--but did he kill her? Seymour Shubin does a nice job of ratcheting up the narrative tension as we eventually learn the answer. The second half is substantially weaker, in part because the same sense of drama is never there. But the novel's most serious flaw is its bizarre POV: The story is narrated by the protagonist's cousin and childhood buddy, but he narrates as if he has access to the protagonist's every thought and sensory experience. In other words, it's as if the protagonist is narrating the novel--but he's not. As I was reading, I assumed that this arrangement would eventually have some kind of pay-off, but it never does. It's a weird choice by Shubin that serves only to distract

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I pretty much spent the whole book waiting for twist that didn't happen. The book is pretty straightforward, without a whole lot of twists and turns along the way, not a whole lot to make it overly interesting or surprising or suspenseful. The main character was not all that likable either. I was curious to see how the book turned out, it did keep me reading, so I guess I have to give it that. But it definitely was not one of my favorite hard case crime books. I find the hard case crime series to be pretty hit or miss – some of them are amazing, some of them just really are not up to standard. It was unique to have the story narrated by the cousin of the main character rather than the main character himself, because he gave an outside perspective – but that wasn't really enough to make the book worthwhile.

[Pratima Das · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about a person named Alan Benning, who at age 15 was jogging in the woods near a beach, and he knew he assaulted a girl but he didn't know if he had killed her.
Not he's a successful lawyer, somehow gets back to the crime scene and finds people trying to find out about the murder. He realizes he had killed her. The news about the murder was everywhere, Alan knew it was him, he tried a lot of things to stay out of reach from the police, but he couldn't take it any longer and at the end he gives himself up to the police, and in jail he thinks he not getting enough punishment, so he gets himself killed.
It was a great mystery book, almost every chapter had a new mystery and a new twist to it. It was amazing.

[Eric Skillman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite one or two narrative missteps—the "mystery" is "solved" somewhat unconvincingly, for example—I was definitely invested in Alan and his guilt, and shared all his (in retrospect, outlandish) hopes for some sort of redemption. The pervasive sense of paranoia was well executed. Ultimately a smaller and more geniunely sad sort of tragedy than in most books of this type.

[Tyler · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first 200 pages were pretty decent but since it adds up to basically nothing it's hard to find a final grade. There are two parts of the plot that seem to be completely pointless(the stalker guy and the Luder connection) because they are dropped at the end. I do see the sadness in the story but that's all that there is here. That is not enough to make a good book.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

M'eh. Entertaining but not particularly original or inventive. I did spend most of the book wondering how the author was going to get the main character out of trouble, and the fact that he doesn't is pretty much the only part that I was not expecting.

[Kenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Strong characterization drives this novel that focuses on the guilt a man feels for a murder he thinks he may have done. We follow the fear and guilt that drive his life for years and affect all his relationships. This is an excellent read.

[Bradley Ewan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sad, but a good mix of pulp and suspense.

[Tammy Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audio book.

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A melancholy thriller that is worth your time.

[Mark]

A taut, well-written thriller.

[Claudette Gabbs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was good, not great. Very odd reading a book that keeps jumping from the first point of view to the third point of view.