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The Second Half of the Double Feature
In this new collection of short stories, vignettes and autobiographical sketches-many previously unpublished-Charles Willeford, author of Miami Blues and The Burnt Orange Heresy creates a mosaic of the absurdities of life in the 20th century. From a malicious grandmother to prophetic depictions of the power of reality television, with his wry humor and sudden shifts to violence, Willeford seduces, amuses and repeatedly surprises you. This expanded hardcover edition adds Willeford's complete published poetry, as well as nearly 50 previously unpublished poems. "No one writes a better crime novel than Charles Willeford" -Elmore Leonard
332 pages, Hardcover
First published August 15, 2003
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About the author
Charles Willeford
80 books429 followersCharles Willeford was a remarkably fine, talented and prolific writer who wrote everything from poetry to crime fiction to literary criticism throughout the course of his impressively long and diverse career. His crime novels are distinguished by a mean'n'lean sense of narrative economy and an admirable dearth of sentimentality. He was born as Charles Ray Willeford III on January 2, 1919 in Little Rock, Arkansas. Willeford's parents both died of tuberculosis when he was a little boy and he subsequently lived either with his grandmother or at boarding schools. Charles became a hobo in his early teens. He enlisted in the Army Air Corps at age sixteen and was stationed in the Philippines. Willeford served as a tank commander with the 10th Armored Division in Europe during World War II. He won several medals for his military service: the Silver Star, the Bronze Star, two Purple Hearts, and the Luxembourg Croix de Guerre. Charles retired from the army as a Master Sergeant. Willeford's first novel "High Priest of California" was published in 1953. This solid debut was followed by such equally excellent novels as "Pick-Up" (this book won a Beacon Fiction Award), "Wild Wives," "The Woman Chaser," "Cockfighter" (this particular book won the Mark Twain Award), and "The Burnt Orange Heresy." Charles achieved his greatest commercial and critical success with four outstanding novels about hapless Florida homicide detective Hoke Moseley: "Miami Blues," "New Hope for the Dead," "Sideswipe," and "The Way We Die Now." Outside of his novels, he also wrote the short story anthology "The Machine in Ward Eleven," the poetry collections "The Outcast Poets" and "Proletarian Laughter," and the nonfiction book "Something About A Soldier." Willeford attended both Palm Beach Junior College and the University of Miami. He taught a course in humanities at the University of Miami and was an associate professor who taught classes in both philosophy and English at Miami Dade Junior College. Charles was married three times and was an associate editor for "Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine." Three of Willeford's novels have been adapted into movies: Monte Hellman delivered a bleakly fascinating character study with "Cockfighter" (Charles wrote the script and has a sizable supporting role as the referee of a cockfighting tournament which climaxes the picture), George Armitage hit one out of the ballpark with the wonderfully quirky "Miami Blues," and Robinson Devor scored a bull's eye with the offbeat "The Woman Chaser." Charles popped up in a small part as a bartender in the fun redneck car chase romp "Thunder and Lightning." Charles Willeford died of a heart attack at age 69 on March 27, 1988.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
February 3, 2023
It was difficult for me to get into this. There are pretty good stories. From Citizens Arrest to the Tupperware Party. Interesting things about Kafka. Saturday Night Special is an abbreviated version of the beginning, the only good part, of The Shark Infested Custard.
January 24, 2023
This book was published in 2003 fifteen years after the author's death. It is a potpourri of short stories, essays, and vignettes that vary widely in tone and quality. Many are less than 10 pages long. (Note: This volume supersedes an earlier small press publication Everybody's Metamorphosis. The only content from that book not reprinted here is an annotated bibliography.)
The original hardcover edition contained all of Willeford's poetry, including his two published collections from the 1940's that are now impossible to find. Unfortunately, neither of the subsequent editions--the trade paperback nor the audiobook-- include these poems.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Greg Tremblay and J. D. Jackson. Here are my story reviews in order from most to least liked:
"Saturday Night Special" -- Larry, Eddie, and Don bet their friend Hank $60 he cannot pick up a girl at the local drive-in on a Tuesday night. It is all in good fun, except they did not expect the girl to be fourteen years old. Nor did they expect her to OD in the backseat of Hank's car… This novella was previously published under the title "Strange". It is excerpted from the first three chapters of the novel The Shark-Infested Custard.
"The Pop-Off Caper" -- An elderly woman complains to a beer company about their difficult pop-off cans. She is surprised when a young public relations employee shows up at her house a few days later… A dark and funny crime story.
"Behind Him Goes His Dream" -- A middle-aged man spins his life story to a bartender. He is full of the nostalgia for his days riding the rails during the Depression and angst over the postwar prosperity that shackled him to a life of work and consumerism. This story is a nice coda to Willeford's autobiography I Was Looking for a Street.
"The Man Who Loved Ann Landers" -- A main professes his true love for syndicated newspaper columnist Ann Landers in a series of increasingly alarming personal letters. Too bad he and Mrs. Landers are both already married to other people.
"To a Nephew in College" -- Willeford instructs his wayward nephew in how to use the writings of Kafka to rehabilitate his college career: "A 'D' average means you have lots of friends."
"The First Five in Line" -- A television network puts together a reality tv competition which will result in people's deaths being aired live in prime time. This is not a short story but rather the opening chapters of an abandoned novel. The premise probably would not work at book length, but it featured numerous laugh out loud moments for me.
"Everybody's Metamorphosis" -- In the near future, radioactivity from nuclear weapons is introducing mutations into the human genome, speeding up the process of evolution and the end of the human race as we know it. One scientific writer uses Kafka's famous story The Metamorphosis as a guidebook for how to react to these bizarre new offspring of ours. This is both a tongue-in-cheek examination of the classic novella, as well as thought experiment about how macroevolution would affect various aspects of society.
"Give the Man a Cigar" -- A cigar store owner serves a controversial Hispanic journalist: "The cigars were 10 inches, hand-rolled, maduros, oily, and black as Castro's heart."
"An Actor Prepares" -- A 49-year old dishwasher joins an amateur theater production and feels what it is to "make a Sound" that in some small way impacts his fellow man. An interesting, quiet rumination on the power of the arts and the need to be heard.
"The Condemned" -- An Igorot man is condemned to death for cannibalism. Willeford accompanies a soldier from Texas who wants to convert the prisoner to Christianity before his execution. Excerpted from the author's autobiography Something About a Soldier.
"How Warren and Lee College Came to Florida Instead of Some Kooky Town in Southern California Where It Belongs" -- Willeford recounts the odd circumstances of the founding of Warren and Lee College to investigate the Kennedy assassination. Nonfiction.
"Some Lucky License" -- A police officer is moved to a desk job after he kills six suspects in the line of duty. The Board of Inquiry is afraid he is trigger happy. In order to restore his reputation, he attempts to stop a jailbreak without using lethal force.
"The Tupperware Party" -- Drinks flow, games are played, and feelings get hurt when bachelors are invited to a men's-only Tupperware party. Absurdist fantasy.
"The Gardner and the Princess" -- An effete home owner tries to explain the nuances of American life to his Hispanic landscaper . Why do people use sugar substitutes in their coffee even while eating pastries? Why should you never marry a lady whose name ends with an 'i'?
"The Deserted Village" -- A newlywed couple in Miami find their house overrun by immigrants from Haiti, Cuba, and Vietnam. A dark comedy/satire in response to Ronald Reagan's Refugee Reassignment Plan.
"The Old Man at the Bridge" -- A conversation with a retired man who fishes off a bridge every day leads the author to wonder why some men pretend to enjoy hobbies they do not really care for.
"Citizen's Arrest" -- After observing a shoplifter in a mall, a customer tries to do the right thing by alerting the store's staff to the crime. But good deeds rarely go unpunished…
"Sentences" -- A group of guys in a poker game trade stories about the women who have manipulated and lied to them.
"The Emancipation of Henry Allen" -- Two pool hall owners put their respective establishments up as collateral in a winner-take-all bet to determine who is the better player. This situation should be intense--think Fast Eddie vs. Minnesota Fats in The Hustler--but it falls oddly flat.
"One Hero to a War" -- Willeford recounts his friendship with the Information & Education trainer on his base, an eventual WWII Medal of Honor recipient: "A clerk in the division headquarters with an immaculate uniform is as rare as a clerk who hasn't just this moment gone down the hall for coffee."
"The Listener" -- A new television host becomes so popular that his show turns America into a nation of mindless consumerist zombies. A satire of hero-worship and materialism run amok.
"Checking Out" -- A man must tell his wife why he spent $34 for a boy to give him a massage in his hotel room. Awkward!
"The Laughing Machine" -- A small-time grifter steals a briefcase from a train station locker. Instead of the big score he hopes to find, he discovers a device used by television studios to produce canned laugh tracks for sitcoms. A maudlin, pointless story.
"A Matter of Taste" -- Four people in a diner pontificate on the subject of prison food.
"Sand Dollar" -- A homeless beachcomber takes a job as a day laborer but his good luck turns sour by the end of his first day.
The original hardcover edition contained all of Willeford's poetry, including his two published collections from the 1940's that are now impossible to find. Unfortunately, neither of the subsequent editions--the trade paperback nor the audiobook-- include these poems.
I listened to the audiobook narrated by Greg Tremblay and J. D. Jackson. Here are my story reviews in order from most to least liked:
"Saturday Night Special" -- Larry, Eddie, and Don bet their friend Hank $60 he cannot pick up a girl at the local drive-in on a Tuesday night. It is all in good fun, except they did not expect the girl to be fourteen years old. Nor did they expect her to OD in the backseat of Hank's car… This novella was previously published under the title "Strange". It is excerpted from the first three chapters of the novel The Shark-Infested Custard.
"The Pop-Off Caper" -- An elderly woman complains to a beer company about their difficult pop-off cans. She is surprised when a young public relations employee shows up at her house a few days later… A dark and funny crime story.
"Behind Him Goes His Dream" -- A middle-aged man spins his life story to a bartender. He is full of the nostalgia for his days riding the rails during the Depression and angst over the postwar prosperity that shackled him to a life of work and consumerism. This story is a nice coda to Willeford's autobiography I Was Looking for a Street.
"The Man Who Loved Ann Landers" -- A main professes his true love for syndicated newspaper columnist Ann Landers in a series of increasingly alarming personal letters. Too bad he and Mrs. Landers are both already married to other people.
"To a Nephew in College" -- Willeford instructs his wayward nephew in how to use the writings of Kafka to rehabilitate his college career: "A 'D' average means you have lots of friends."
"The First Five in Line" -- A television network puts together a reality tv competition which will result in people's deaths being aired live in prime time. This is not a short story but rather the opening chapters of an abandoned novel. The premise probably would not work at book length, but it featured numerous laugh out loud moments for me.
"Everybody's Metamorphosis" -- In the near future, radioactivity from nuclear weapons is introducing mutations into the human genome, speeding up the process of evolution and the end of the human race as we know it. One scientific writer uses Kafka's famous story The Metamorphosis as a guidebook for how to react to these bizarre new offspring of ours. This is both a tongue-in-cheek examination of the classic novella, as well as thought experiment about how macroevolution would affect various aspects of society.
"Give the Man a Cigar" -- A cigar store owner serves a controversial Hispanic journalist: "The cigars were 10 inches, hand-rolled, maduros, oily, and black as Castro's heart."
"An Actor Prepares" -- A 49-year old dishwasher joins an amateur theater production and feels what it is to "make a Sound" that in some small way impacts his fellow man. An interesting, quiet rumination on the power of the arts and the need to be heard.
"The Condemned" -- An Igorot man is condemned to death for cannibalism. Willeford accompanies a soldier from Texas who wants to convert the prisoner to Christianity before his execution. Excerpted from the author's autobiography Something About a Soldier.
"How Warren and Lee College Came to Florida Instead of Some Kooky Town in Southern California Where It Belongs" -- Willeford recounts the odd circumstances of the founding of Warren and Lee College to investigate the Kennedy assassination. Nonfiction.
"Some Lucky License" -- A police officer is moved to a desk job after he kills six suspects in the line of duty. The Board of Inquiry is afraid he is trigger happy. In order to restore his reputation, he attempts to stop a jailbreak without using lethal force.
"The Tupperware Party" -- Drinks flow, games are played, and feelings get hurt when bachelors are invited to a men's-only Tupperware party. Absurdist fantasy.
"The Gardner and the Princess" -- An effete home owner tries to explain the nuances of American life to his Hispanic landscaper . Why do people use sugar substitutes in their coffee even while eating pastries? Why should you never marry a lady whose name ends with an 'i'?
"The Deserted Village" -- A newlywed couple in Miami find their house overrun by immigrants from Haiti, Cuba, and Vietnam. A dark comedy/satire in response to Ronald Reagan's Refugee Reassignment Plan.
"The Old Man at the Bridge" -- A conversation with a retired man who fishes off a bridge every day leads the author to wonder why some men pretend to enjoy hobbies they do not really care for.
"Citizen's Arrest" -- After observing a shoplifter in a mall, a customer tries to do the right thing by alerting the store's staff to the crime. But good deeds rarely go unpunished…
"Sentences" -- A group of guys in a poker game trade stories about the women who have manipulated and lied to them.
"The Emancipation of Henry Allen" -- Two pool hall owners put their respective establishments up as collateral in a winner-take-all bet to determine who is the better player. This situation should be intense--think Fast Eddie vs. Minnesota Fats in The Hustler--but it falls oddly flat.
"One Hero to a War" -- Willeford recounts his friendship with the Information & Education trainer on his base, an eventual WWII Medal of Honor recipient: "A clerk in the division headquarters with an immaculate uniform is as rare as a clerk who hasn't just this moment gone down the hall for coffee."
"The Listener" -- A new television host becomes so popular that his show turns America into a nation of mindless consumerist zombies. A satire of hero-worship and materialism run amok.
"Checking Out" -- A man must tell his wife why he spent $34 for a boy to give him a massage in his hotel room. Awkward!
"The Laughing Machine" -- A small-time grifter steals a briefcase from a train station locker. Instead of the big score he hopes to find, he discovers a device used by television studios to produce canned laugh tracks for sitcoms. A maudlin, pointless story.
"A Matter of Taste" -- Four people in a diner pontificate on the subject of prison food.
"Sand Dollar" -- A homeless beachcomber takes a job as a day laborer but his good luck turns sour by the end of his first day.
December 31, 2011
There are stories that are two stars, and stories that are 4 or 5 so I rounded to a three. As a collection, it's very inconsistent, but that's not Willeford's fault, especially since it was curated in 2003, 15 years after his death. There are a couple of stories that seem as if they were never meant to see the light of day, but since I am becoming Tracie Masek: Charles Willeford Enthusiast Extraordinaire, I still loved reading the little incomplete sketches. The longest story in this collection is also the first part to Shark Infested Custard but it's the strongest piece so I didn't mind the re-read.
Also really enjoyed "The Pop-Off Caper," "The Man Who Loved Ann Landers," "The Listener," and "Sand Dollar." "The First Five in Line" is introduced as the only existing part of a novel Willeford abandoned in 1975 and I sort of hate the editor for including it because I totally want to read that novel now.
Also really enjoyed "The Pop-Off Caper," "The Man Who Loved Ann Landers," "The Listener," and "Sand Dollar." "The First Five in Line" is introduced as the only existing part of a novel Willeford abandoned in 1975 and I sort of hate the editor for including it because I totally want to read that novel now.
August 23, 2013
dunno what # willeford this will be for me...will look-see on my page and add that info later...later...what that page say? this is the 19th? 20th? confirmation, later. later...this is the 18th willeford for me.
paperback, wit's end publishing, new albany, indiana...240 pages
there's this on the copyright page: to lose willeford we can ill afford
There is a quote on a white page:
my work is one long triumph over my limitations
--charles willeford
there is a contents page:
contents
the old man at the bridge
the condemned
the pop-off caper
the deserted village
give the man a cigar
citizen's arrest
sentences
saturday night special
to a nephew in college
checking out
one hero to a war
behind him goes his dream
an actor prepares
the emancipation of henry allen
some lucky license
a matter of taste
the first five in line
the tupperware party
the gardener and the princess
the laughing machine
the man who loved ann landers
warren & lee
the listener
everybody's metamorphosis
sand dollar
okee dokee then, as the good doctor said, (the number-two berries, 1971)...onward & upward
the first story, the old man at the bridge ...i read already, a review of that exists...here: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17...
2nd story, the condemned begins:
we were in the baguio market one morning, walking around and looking at the bare breasts of the igorot women. their breasts were brown and taut, and the nipples stuck straight out. this was because, d'angelo said, none of these women had ever worn brassiers, which break down the muscles under the arms and cause breast to sag.
yeah...i get the idea that some are reading that and saying...now i learn this...
story set in the philippines...camp john hay, the baguio market...a jail, where an igorot, all of 4'6" is waiting to be put to death for killing another man and eating his heart...three americans, d'angelo, charles...i think...eye-narrator, and tom higdon, an m.p. from manila...also from terrell, texas, visit the man, the last set on converting him/saving him which he does after a fashion.
the pop-off caper
this story is a hoot and all those Stephen King fans ought to enjoy this one. mrs wheeler, a 70-yr-old, 102# woman living on fairfax street, waiting for the crandall's nasty little brown-and-white terrier to show...so she can run out and swat it w/a broom...is also visited by a representative of the regional can company, art duncan, 28-yr-old, 230#...who shows w/some test cans to show the woman how it is done. now she's going to miss her granddaughter's birthday party on friday.
the deserted village
another hoot...set in miami, florida, where the eye-narrator, married for one year now to sally, must open their home to refugees from various parts...all part of the reagan refugee resettlement plan of 1982, time...of the story. the eye records life, journal-like. lived in florida around this time...almost stayed in miami, too, coming in the back door, across alligator alley may it do ya fine...and the conclusion, yeah, thought of that, too...all those clothed in the apparel of the home-country, stepping into henry's pot, stepping out clothed in suit and tie, briefcase...heading out to new lands of opportunity. reading this and was thinking, hay-soos pizza! someone else had the same idea! only willeford came up with it a couple decades ago!
give the man a cigar
an unnamed eye-narrator has a shop in miami and the big shot editor of el grito, senor armando martinez, enters noonish...gets a cigar and then some.
citizen's arrest
an eye-narrator in gwynn's dept. store. ...spots a guy, "the big man"...lifting an expensive lighter. one of those s.n.a.f.u. story w/a beginning, a middle, an end....as was the one before that.
sentences
an eye-narrator...poker buddies...wifes...
saturday night special
as said in other reviews, this is a part of The Shark-Infested Custard...although i haven't cracked that story open--i read it already--to check-see word-by-word comparison...although the little i looked at here--i didn't read this one here--looks familiar. it is a good story...the longer piece, of which this is a portion.
to a nephew in college
franz kafka. bone up on kafka...you will go far...or at least do better than a d-average, an indication of many friends...
i wonder what the advice would have been had the nephew stayed in florida? go gators.
checking out
a short piece, husband, wife, checking out of a hotel...they get in a tiff over a massage
one hero to a war
eye-narrator, willeford, in 1948, japan, army, and another assigned to his...unit...as his chief though fewer stripes, nelson v britten. willeford 29, britten 28...both w/war experiences the same---ww2, germany, wounded, this that the other, both re-enlisted...on the island of kyushu.
some americana/folklore from this story
"couldn't have caught a pig in a trench."
a quote from this story:
knowledge is a strange and peculiar power. it is a power even if one does not have it yet people think that one has it.
or, even a fool is considered wise if he keeps his mouth shut, as the proverb has it.
behind him goes his dream
fascinating story about mr. jordan, who comes into the bar of harry there in california...often...one drink, leaves...saturday, shows, a drink a girl shows they leave together.
comes in late one night, past 2 a.m. they talk. mr jordan tells harry about life on the bum before the war, before prosperity came back and parked its length on the continent. this story is like the polar opposite of another story...i read recently, in that other...collections of sorts. what was the name of it? don't recall the title of the story or the collection. later gator.
an actor prepares
49-yr-old dishwasher (who lost his cafe, why he is washing dishes for others)...is offered a chance to play a part in the stage production, things that go bump. jacob b sinkiewicz...jake...and that name seems familiar, like willeford used it elsewhere, but again i'd have to look-see to say one way or another. he played sir calvin wardhouse in the play...shot dead at the opener. ooga booga.
the emancipation of henry allen
staff sergeant henry allen, united states air force retired has a new poolroom in los angeles, across the street, the new york cafe where a sign hangs in the window fry coot wanted. jake rauhaus and melvin "mel" thead swing by...mel owns the southland pool hall on slauson avenue...do da, do da. 3rd-person this one
a note of meta-criticism
the reviews...all two of them?...have said that some of these probably weren't meant to see the light of day? dunno what to make of that, as all but seven of these were previously published in other things...in alfred hitchcock's mystery magazine, tropic, sports illustrated, books abroad: an international literary quarterly, savannah, florida and at least one of the two other reviews enjoyed "the pop-off caper"...one of the seven previously unpublished. what's a poor carpenter to do?
some lucky license
eye-narrator, detective sergeant william "bill" hartigan...subject of the inquiry, subject of an arbitrary number set down by the elect, a number that now must be enforced...interpreted. you got the honorable police commissioner j.d. matthews, chief garland "gar" carey...you got a lieutenant morris....you got two youthful thieves, both deceased, the brett kid, tommy brett and joseph e. craig.
the thing about this story is it reads like the headlines of today...three guys killing a guy from australia here in the states because they were bored...this that the other in that case...the zimmerman/martin episode...the three kids beating the shit out of another...all this boolsheet of the purest ray serene to-do w/bullying, but the stoopid bastards in charge of the school are too funked up on their political correctness, that they allowed this one to happen. gas em all.
heh! which in a sense, is william "trigger happy" hartigan's mind-set by story's end. one of those endings where one asks, will he? won't he? what will he do? but this is willeford, and the deadpan result seems like the only avenue open to him. hoorah. let's all gather at the white house fence and toss our brains over, wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string.
a matter of taste
mom's cafe, scene of this one, another eye-narrator story...a cook, the eye, a hook-nosed man, and a woman who looks like the queen mary.
some americana/folklore in this one
--smear mayonnaise on the bun before toasting it on the grill may it do ya and do ya well...called 'marination' by the cook. and the eye is off to the library. now we have questionable search engines and spiders watching from the ceiling. oh la.
the first five in line...
this one was the novel that willeford abandoned in 1975. an interesting take-off...these two guys communicating at times w/"cassette tape" messages...this was 1975...and they are separated by miles, but the two are involved w/the creation of a television show that will be filmed in miami..."the first five in line".
willeford uses character names from other stories...harry thead who is station manager of wooz...and he is a character in another story all i can tell you at the moment, recent read, like either this one (#18 for me), or a read 1 or 2 back...too, there's an old man in this one, name of leo zuck or leo zuckerman...and in the story, here it is, remembered the title, something about a deserted village...he is in that one, too. and yes, that is from this collection, 3rd or 5th one in.
it is curious, how polished this is, howsomeever brief it is, and does that provide an insight into willeford's writing? perhaps perhaps not.
somewhere, saw something about The Running Man...from stephen king, to-do with this story, i imagine, and yes, that seems to be the tilt of it...but i could add that in this other collection of shorts, there's one that anticipates king's One Past Midnight: The Langoliers...ooga booga. don't believe i posted something about that tidbitt in that review for fear of the dreaded spoiler....and whining whangers...
the tupperware party
some guys have a tupperware party. "winking"...they don't call it burping no more what with the advent of barry manilow's feelings...or was that alice cooper?
the gardener and the princess
and eye-narrator, miami, fernando, his marielito gardener, nuances...like wearing or not of the white socks. paul newman did it, wearing of white socks, in fort apache bronx. volvos and such.
women. names that end in "i"...like candi, fernanado's finacee.
the laughing machine
smiley mason, 3rd person, alexander "smiley" mason, working the locker scheme in new york, grand central or penn station? grand central it is. gets a laughing machine, can't unload it.
the man who loved ann landers
man writes to ann... she does not answer...he writes to her...he begins to see messages to him in her replies in her column...he acts on those messages. all is well and all manner of things are well.
the listener
heh! then again, maybe this is the story that is meant when someone something said something about reality television. "the listener" is a tv-program that gets hot for a time...a time when guns are not shown on the tube, verily, all hail the crimson king...but too, the listener smokes on television, sometimes numerous cigarettes at a time, then he uses a variety of products. heh!
then..."the talkers" get involved, a minority group. this could have been written 2013...has a snarly kind of prescience while simultaneously an amusing naivete.
everybody's metamorphosis
2nd story to do with gregor samsa...or kafka, great big bugger that he was.
sand dollar
a fernando story...miami...not late-trailer payment for fernando as he can't afford one...he sleeps in a park, other side of the wall to stay low. makes a buck. great line: his black mustache looked like a dirty word that had been crossed out. not about fernando, precious, simply a great line.
update, finished, 25 aug 13, sunday evening, 9:29 p.m. e.s.t.
what a scorcher today. and all those climate-change whankers are out and about, bells and whistles. thing is, we get hellacious winters and those fart-lickers are flown south by then.
good stories, all. some were more enlightening and baffling than the others...but i doubt we can get 9 out of 10 readers to agree about anything and that is the beauty that is story-telling. willeford has this wonderful way with words. odds are you have already read some of his more well-known stories...these are a plus, short and sweet...the business about marielitos in miami is interesting...perhaps a personal flavor. good read.
paperback, wit's end publishing, new albany, indiana...240 pages
there's this on the copyright page: to lose willeford we can ill afford
There is a quote on a white page:
my work is one long triumph over my limitations
--charles willeford
there is a contents page:
contents
the old man at the bridge
the condemned
the pop-off caper
the deserted village
give the man a cigar
citizen's arrest
sentences
saturday night special
to a nephew in college
checking out
one hero to a war
behind him goes his dream
an actor prepares
the emancipation of henry allen
some lucky license
a matter of taste
the first five in line
the tupperware party
the gardener and the princess
the laughing machine
the man who loved ann landers
warren & lee
the listener
everybody's metamorphosis
sand dollar
okee dokee then, as the good doctor said, (the number-two berries, 1971)...onward & upward
the first story, the old man at the bridge ...i read already, a review of that exists...here: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17...
2nd story, the condemned begins:
we were in the baguio market one morning, walking around and looking at the bare breasts of the igorot women. their breasts were brown and taut, and the nipples stuck straight out. this was because, d'angelo said, none of these women had ever worn brassiers, which break down the muscles under the arms and cause breast to sag.
yeah...i get the idea that some are reading that and saying...now i learn this...
story set in the philippines...camp john hay, the baguio market...a jail, where an igorot, all of 4'6" is waiting to be put to death for killing another man and eating his heart...three americans, d'angelo, charles...i think...eye-narrator, and tom higdon, an m.p. from manila...also from terrell, texas, visit the man, the last set on converting him/saving him which he does after a fashion.
the pop-off caper
this story is a hoot and all those Stephen King fans ought to enjoy this one. mrs wheeler, a 70-yr-old, 102# woman living on fairfax street, waiting for the crandall's nasty little brown-and-white terrier to show...so she can run out and swat it w/a broom...is also visited by a representative of the regional can company, art duncan, 28-yr-old, 230#...who shows w/some test cans to show the woman how it is done. now she's going to miss her granddaughter's birthday party on friday.
the deserted village
another hoot...set in miami, florida, where the eye-narrator, married for one year now to sally, must open their home to refugees from various parts...all part of the reagan refugee resettlement plan of 1982, time...of the story. the eye records life, journal-like. lived in florida around this time...almost stayed in miami, too, coming in the back door, across alligator alley may it do ya fine...and the conclusion, yeah, thought of that, too...all those clothed in the apparel of the home-country, stepping into henry's pot, stepping out clothed in suit and tie, briefcase...heading out to new lands of opportunity. reading this and was thinking, hay-soos pizza! someone else had the same idea! only willeford came up with it a couple decades ago!
give the man a cigar
an unnamed eye-narrator has a shop in miami and the big shot editor of el grito, senor armando martinez, enters noonish...gets a cigar and then some.
citizen's arrest
an eye-narrator in gwynn's dept. store. ...spots a guy, "the big man"...lifting an expensive lighter. one of those s.n.a.f.u. story w/a beginning, a middle, an end....as was the one before that.
sentences
an eye-narrator...poker buddies...wifes...
saturday night special
as said in other reviews, this is a part of The Shark-Infested Custard...although i haven't cracked that story open--i read it already--to check-see word-by-word comparison...although the little i looked at here--i didn't read this one here--looks familiar. it is a good story...the longer piece, of which this is a portion.
to a nephew in college
franz kafka. bone up on kafka...you will go far...or at least do better than a d-average, an indication of many friends...
i wonder what the advice would have been had the nephew stayed in florida? go gators.
checking out
a short piece, husband, wife, checking out of a hotel...they get in a tiff over a massage
one hero to a war
eye-narrator, willeford, in 1948, japan, army, and another assigned to his...unit...as his chief though fewer stripes, nelson v britten. willeford 29, britten 28...both w/war experiences the same---ww2, germany, wounded, this that the other, both re-enlisted...on the island of kyushu.
some americana/folklore from this story
"couldn't have caught a pig in a trench."
a quote from this story:
knowledge is a strange and peculiar power. it is a power even if one does not have it yet people think that one has it.
or, even a fool is considered wise if he keeps his mouth shut, as the proverb has it.
behind him goes his dream
fascinating story about mr. jordan, who comes into the bar of harry there in california...often...one drink, leaves...saturday, shows, a drink a girl shows they leave together.
comes in late one night, past 2 a.m. they talk. mr jordan tells harry about life on the bum before the war, before prosperity came back and parked its length on the continent. this story is like the polar opposite of another story...i read recently, in that other...collections of sorts. what was the name of it? don't recall the title of the story or the collection. later gator.
an actor prepares
49-yr-old dishwasher (who lost his cafe, why he is washing dishes for others)...is offered a chance to play a part in the stage production, things that go bump. jacob b sinkiewicz...jake...and that name seems familiar, like willeford used it elsewhere, but again i'd have to look-see to say one way or another. he played sir calvin wardhouse in the play...shot dead at the opener. ooga booga.
the emancipation of henry allen
staff sergeant henry allen, united states air force retired has a new poolroom in los angeles, across the street, the new york cafe where a sign hangs in the window fry coot wanted. jake rauhaus and melvin "mel" thead swing by...mel owns the southland pool hall on slauson avenue...do da, do da. 3rd-person this one
a note of meta-criticism
the reviews...all two of them?...have said that some of these probably weren't meant to see the light of day? dunno what to make of that, as all but seven of these were previously published in other things...in alfred hitchcock's mystery magazine, tropic, sports illustrated, books abroad: an international literary quarterly, savannah, florida and at least one of the two other reviews enjoyed "the pop-off caper"...one of the seven previously unpublished. what's a poor carpenter to do?
some lucky license
eye-narrator, detective sergeant william "bill" hartigan...subject of the inquiry, subject of an arbitrary number set down by the elect, a number that now must be enforced...interpreted. you got the honorable police commissioner j.d. matthews, chief garland "gar" carey...you got a lieutenant morris....you got two youthful thieves, both deceased, the brett kid, tommy brett and joseph e. craig.
the thing about this story is it reads like the headlines of today...three guys killing a guy from australia here in the states because they were bored...this that the other in that case...the zimmerman/martin episode...the three kids beating the shit out of another...all this boolsheet of the purest ray serene to-do w/bullying, but the stoopid bastards in charge of the school are too funked up on their political correctness, that they allowed this one to happen. gas em all.
heh! which in a sense, is william "trigger happy" hartigan's mind-set by story's end. one of those endings where one asks, will he? won't he? what will he do? but this is willeford, and the deadpan result seems like the only avenue open to him. hoorah. let's all gather at the white house fence and toss our brains over, wrapped in brown paper and tied with a string.
a matter of taste
mom's cafe, scene of this one, another eye-narrator story...a cook, the eye, a hook-nosed man, and a woman who looks like the queen mary.
some americana/folklore in this one
--smear mayonnaise on the bun before toasting it on the grill may it do ya and do ya well...called 'marination' by the cook. and the eye is off to the library. now we have questionable search engines and spiders watching from the ceiling. oh la.
the first five in line...
this one was the novel that willeford abandoned in 1975. an interesting take-off...these two guys communicating at times w/"cassette tape" messages...this was 1975...and they are separated by miles, but the two are involved w/the creation of a television show that will be filmed in miami..."the first five in line".
willeford uses character names from other stories...harry thead who is station manager of wooz...and he is a character in another story all i can tell you at the moment, recent read, like either this one (#18 for me), or a read 1 or 2 back...too, there's an old man in this one, name of leo zuck or leo zuckerman...and in the story, here it is, remembered the title, something about a deserted village...he is in that one, too. and yes, that is from this collection, 3rd or 5th one in.
it is curious, how polished this is, howsomeever brief it is, and does that provide an insight into willeford's writing? perhaps perhaps not.
somewhere, saw something about The Running Man...from stephen king, to-do with this story, i imagine, and yes, that seems to be the tilt of it...but i could add that in this other collection of shorts, there's one that anticipates king's One Past Midnight: The Langoliers...ooga booga. don't believe i posted something about that tidbitt in that review for fear of the dreaded spoiler....and whining whangers...
the tupperware party
some guys have a tupperware party. "winking"...they don't call it burping no more what with the advent of barry manilow's feelings...or was that alice cooper?
the gardener and the princess
and eye-narrator, miami, fernando, his marielito gardener, nuances...like wearing or not of the white socks. paul newman did it, wearing of white socks, in fort apache bronx. volvos and such.
women. names that end in "i"...like candi, fernanado's finacee.
the laughing machine
smiley mason, 3rd person, alexander "smiley" mason, working the locker scheme in new york, grand central or penn station? grand central it is. gets a laughing machine, can't unload it.
the man who loved ann landers
man writes to ann... she does not answer...he writes to her...he begins to see messages to him in her replies in her column...he acts on those messages. all is well and all manner of things are well.
the listener
heh! then again, maybe this is the story that is meant when someone something said something about reality television. "the listener" is a tv-program that gets hot for a time...a time when guns are not shown on the tube, verily, all hail the crimson king...but too, the listener smokes on television, sometimes numerous cigarettes at a time, then he uses a variety of products. heh!
then..."the talkers" get involved, a minority group. this could have been written 2013...has a snarly kind of prescience while simultaneously an amusing naivete.
everybody's metamorphosis
2nd story to do with gregor samsa...or kafka, great big bugger that he was.
sand dollar
a fernando story...miami...not late-trailer payment for fernando as he can't afford one...he sleeps in a park, other side of the wall to stay low. makes a buck. great line: his black mustache looked like a dirty word that had been crossed out. not about fernando, precious, simply a great line.
update, finished, 25 aug 13, sunday evening, 9:29 p.m. e.s.t.
what a scorcher today. and all those climate-change whankers are out and about, bells and whistles. thing is, we get hellacious winters and those fart-lickers are flown south by then.
good stories, all. some were more enlightening and baffling than the others...but i doubt we can get 9 out of 10 readers to agree about anything and that is the beauty that is story-telling. willeford has this wonderful way with words. odds are you have already read some of his more well-known stories...these are a plus, short and sweet...the business about marielitos in miami is interesting...perhaps a personal flavor. good read.
January 8, 2012
This a bunch of short stories, essays and character sketches that Willeford's widow published after he died. A lot of this stuff probably wasn't meant to see the light of day, but that's not to say there aren't a few gems. A couple good crime vignettes, a few pages from an aborted novel that sort of/kind of predicted reality TV—or at least the movie, The Running Man—and two tongue-in-cheek essays about Franz Kafka, one of which is a literal interpretation of The Metamorphosis and its implications in the Atomic Age.
The only story I didn't read was Saturday Night Special, and that's because I've been told it's basically the first 40 pages of The Shark Infested Custard. If you plan to read Shark Infested Custard later, as I do, you may want to do the same.
The only story I didn't read was Saturday Night Special, and that's because I've been told it's basically the first 40 pages of The Shark Infested Custard. If you plan to read Shark Infested Custard later, as I do, you may want to do the same.
April 25, 2023
Collection of short stories, vignettes, and autobiographical sketches. Most of the short stories also appear in absolute must-own-or-read: Writing & Other Blood Sports
July 19, 2015
They say that even bad pizza is good pizza, well the same can be said for Willeford and his short pieces. Some of the offerings here are slim and have no real toothsome to them, nevertheless they are written by Willeford and all of them have a kernel of brilliance to them.
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