Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self

by Frances Kuffel

An intimate and darkly comic memoir of a woman who does a 180 with her body.In the opening pages of Passing for Thin, Frances Kuffel waits at the airport to be picked up by her brother, Jim. He strides past her without a glimmer of recognition because she barely resembles the woman he is expecting to see. Jim had last seen her when she was 188 pounds heavier.What follows is one of the most piercing explorations of the limits and promises of a body since Lucy Grealy’s Autobiography of a Face. With unflinching honesty and a wickedly dark sense of humor, Frances describes her first fumbling introductions to the slender, alien body she is left with after losing half her weight, shining a light on the shared human experience of feeling, at times, uncomfortable in one’s own skin. Buoyed by support from a group of fellow compulsive eaters she deems “the Stepfords,” Frances adjusts not only to her new waistline, but to a strange new world—the Planet of Thin—where she doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t know the rules. Her lifetime of obesity had robbed her of the joys of lovers, a husband, children—and even made it impossible to enjoy a movie, when standing in line was too painful, or travel, when airplane seats were too small—and hadn’t prepared her for the unexpected attention from strangers, the deep pleasure of trying on a tailored suit, the satisfaction of a good run on a treadmill, or for the saucy fun of flirting and dating. She joyfully moves from observer to player, while struggling to enjoy the freedom her new shape has given her. As Frances gradually comes to know—and love—the stranger in the mirror, she learns that this body does not define her, but enables her to become the woman she’s always wanted to be.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Health, Biography Memoir, Bodies, Food

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would not describe this nasty manifesto as "darkly comic". This woman is one bitter fritter. The book reminded me of an incident that happened to me in 1999. I know the year because I was in a department store shopping for a bathing suit for a Caribbean vacation. I was very lean at that time, from sheer hard work and sacrifice. There was a woman, about forty years old and fifty pounds overweight, rummaging through bathing suits on the other side of the same rack I was looking through. She had a miserable ten year old girl with her, who would not shut up and stop fussing. The two bickered back and forth. Suddenly, with absolutely no prior words exchanged between us, the woman looks at me and says "Oh, you're so thin. What problems could you possibly have?" WTF? I said nothing. Ms. Kuffel, like many fat women, blanketly assumes thinner women have no problems, and lead mystical lives in tune with their perfect bodies. Yet she never bothers to ask them. She makes judgments about her own acquaintances instead of finding out their true feelings. Several times throughout I wondered if she was a complete sociopath. I could go on and on about personal choice and its consequences. I also, as a New Yorker, wasn't crazy about the way she coldly inserts her problems into the backdrop of 9/11. But the worst thing about this book by far was the corny, hackneyed, eye-rolling prose. And her strange (anti?) gay agenda. For instance: "And I was sober, with nothing to prove except everything. The last time I'd been out dancing I'd weighed three-hundred-some pounds, had been drunk, and had a roomful of gay boys join me in the weird ritual rondo of fags and hags. I had been thrilled by my sip of popularity, while the fags were thrilled to be queer but, by association and comparison to me, not freaks."
And this one: "I was startled when I overheard her talking about a boyfriend. I'd assumed she was a biker dyke and that someday she would order me up in front of the Lesbian Tribunal for Failure to Be Gay." Draw your own conclusions from those two outbursts. Kuffel herself admits that she doesn't know a lot about joining "The Planet of Girls". I'll say. This is how Kuffel defines the epitome of cool chic rebelliousness in another woman: "Jennifer wore sunglasses at night." Wow. She also goes on and freaking on about her loose leftover skin. For Christ's sake get some plastic surgery already. And I know this will probably get me into hell that much quicker, but 170 pounds is a lot to lose in one year. That coupled with her mysterious emergency stomach surgery makes me wonder if it isn't just possible she actually has had gastric bypass. While still going to Weight Watchers of course. Which is a wonderful organization. Not like gastric bypass in which about 3 out of 10 people will gain it back. Richard Simmons claims it's more like half.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book. The author documents her emotional path to thinness, and pretty much no little time is spent on how she loses the weight. It's a very personal and intimate story, but unfortunately the author is unlikable. She's judgemental and mean about herself and others, and I didn't enjoy being in her head.

[Danielle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was disturbed by how much this woman appeared to hate fat people once she had lost her weight. It paints a much harsher picture of successful weight loss than you usually find celebrated in a book.

[Amory · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this book because I wanted to read about someone else who has struggled with compulsive overeating and who has recovered/is recovering from it with some success.

I really did appreciate the descriptions the author, Frances Kuffel, gave of her life as a compulsive overeater - her thoughts, her feelings, her food associations, the secretive nature of this problem, the amount of time, energy and money taken up by food - eating it and thinking about it. I could identify with so much of her experience.

But...

There was as much about the book that I disliked as I liked. Frances Kuffel is a writer by trade and she seems to have written this memoir with an audience similar to herself in mind - that is, for other writers and people in the "literary circle". In my opinion, her use of "big words" detracted from the message of her story. Despite the fact that I have a graduate-level education, I found that on most pages of this book, there were either words or references that I did not understand. I came across so many words that I have never heard of that I lost count. I wasn't far into the book when I lost the desire to look them up as well. I ended up doing my best to approximate the meaning of unknown words using context clues, then moved on. In addition to so many "big money" words, there were countless references to classic literature (which I will admit, I did not "get"). There were also many "relates" to plays, Broadway productions, classic movie stars and gay icons (Barbara Streisand, etc.).

So...all that was annoying enough, but...

Toward the end of the book (p. 228 out of 257 total), Ms. Kuffel drew a comparison between the end of a 3-month relationship and the loss of a child:

"I'd been disappointed in love when I was fat, but it was the grief of miscarriage, a deformed possibility of mostly unadmitted love that couldn't survive gestation. This was a funeral for an infant. It had a name and a personality and a future. And it was dead."

I found this so offensive, it's hard for me to put into words how I felt when I read it. My jaw dropped. It was one of those, "Oh, no she didn't !" moments. I could hardly believe it. I mean, where on earth does she get off comparing the end of a three month relationship - even if she did fall in love - to the death of an infant???? I get that she was making a point, trying to explain the pain she felt over the loss of her first love relationship. But comparing it to the death of an infant??? Even comparing it to a miscarriage would have been outrageous in my opinion. I read that passage over several times and shook my head, marveling over the fact that Ms. Kuffel had the nerve to even think those words, let alone write them out for the world to read. And on top of that, her words presumably had the approval of an editor and a publisher as well. I don't get it.

Imagine my surprise when just 12 pages later, I found another stunningly inappropriate comparison regarding that same failed relationship:

"City Hall. The fountain where the Boy from Connecticut and I had kissed such a long kiss that I could probably find our shadows seared into the concrete like the immolated citizens of Hiroshima."

OMG. I don't even know what to say to that.

I think it's a shame that this memoir contains such glaring drawbacks because Frances Kuffel's story is such a touching one. She conveyed her struggle with compulsive overeating and obesity and the challenges of recovery that face her every with such honesty. I saw myself in so many of the things she did and recognized my own feelings in so many of the feelings she described.

Even though I disliked her writing style and was appalled at some of the comparisons she drew regarding her suffering during a breakup, I was deeply touched by Frances Kuffel's story. It is such a comfort to know that there are other people in this world who interact with food in many of the same ways that I do, and that at least some of those people have found a way to leave their addiction behind.

[Nora · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book a long time ago, but I have never forgotten it. I think it's because the author described going to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and following her food program, which was nothing but salads. Okay, it can't have been nothing but salad--definitely salad was a major component. So every now and then I am haunted by the idea of having to eat nothing but salad, and I feel cold all over. Anyway, this book brought up a lot of imponderables for me about the nature of food addiction/eating disorders, and how can folks in OA face the tiger three times a day, and how can HAES and loving your body intersect with a 12-step program. I'm a friend-of-a-friend of Bill and I have so much admiration for 12 Step recovery, but I really HATE diet culture and food restriction, but ALSO Kuffel's experience suggests this is different/necessary/etc and we all know there can be an addiction to ANYTHING. So basically this memoir was very thought-provoking and I sometimes wondered, whatever happened to that woman? Did it really work out for her to follow this program forever? Luckily, it turns out she wrote some additional memoirs, so I can find out.

Oh, and as far as a proper book review, I thought this book was interesting and well-written. The description says it's comic, but I don't remember it being funny at all. I guess the spectre of salad without end wiped all the smiles off my face.

[Travel Writing · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book. I have so much respect and hope for folks who share their stories. It takes a lot of courage and even more grit to share these journeys, to open up and share your life with complete strangers.

And yet, this story was alternately boring, redundant, shallow, trite, full of assumptions, and hard to follow.

This is going to assure me a decent table in hell, but she was not overly likeable. I never cared about her, or her friends, or her journey, or really anything. It was a very whiny, self-indulgent story.

[Carianne Carleo-Evangelist · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this read.

While I'm on my own WL journey I haven't faced anywhere near the struggles that Francie did because I have significantly less to lose. Her OA meetings are an interesting parallel to my WW meetings, although I think she takes far more out of it. I'd love to know where she is 10 years later. She yo-yoed so much on her last trip home that I truly wonder if she kept it off - if she got to the root of her problems related to eating.

Like a previous reviewer, I agree this fell apart in the last section. She seemed to lose her voice

[June]

As an obese (hate the adjective!) writer, I can relate to Kuffel's insecurity and am interested in her subject. Not to mention, it's always encouraging to read about people who started out in the 300s and dropped down past me into the 100s. (See also Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs). But I started the book months ago and didn't get anywhere, a little put off by the voice, which felt inauthentic. She tried so hard that I hurt for her.

The other day I picked the book up and finished it. I don't know how to rate it, but it did help me understand myself and my obese friends better. The whole world is so hungry to be seen, and the sad truth is that most of us (thin or fat) simply don't see fat people...as people.

Thanks, Frances, for being human enough to write this book for us and for others. Your courage inspires me.

[Cortney · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title pretty much says it all. This was much more interesting than that title would suggest, however. I was glad that it wasn't filled with self loathing, and it gave an inside look into just how debilitating a food addiction can be. When she would describe her obsessions, how she would plan binges, how she would be able to eat pounds of food without being full, I fully realized just how little I understood food addiction and those who struggle with it. I truly could not understand being that controlled by food. I also liked that her story wasn't presented as "I lost all this weight and now my life is great!"- because it wasn't. Our national obsession with thinness and being fit usually comes with an implicit assumption that once one's body is "fixed", everything is fixed. This book does not fall into the sad panda befores, over the top happy afters, which is refreshing.

[Anneksmart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tackling the last frontier of acceptable prejudice, Kuffel examines her life before and after she is transformed from morbidly obese to healthy of body and mind. Although 12 steps are mentioned - this is not the focus of the book. Instead we learn what life is really like for those who are very obese and what lessons are in store for anyone who changes their outword appearance without changing w/in. Kuffel is a fun and funny writer. She deflty handles the twin demons of self pity and self sabotage in a way that makes the reader want to see what happens next w/o selling "program" or making her success into a redemption story. Good book.

[Katie Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was fantastic. The only reason I didn't give it 5 starts is because there were a few moments that I thought it was a little boring, but for the most part, I loved it! It was refreshing to read about the AFTER effects of losing a lot of weight rather than a how-to kind of weight loss book. I've recently lost about 85 pounds and I've found myself feeling a lot like Frances Kuffel did (the same person inside, different body). For someone who is going through a large weight loss, this book is PERFECT. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one having these thoughts about my weight and weight loss.

[Sheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting account of the mental changes she went through after losing a large amount of weight. (What struck me is my own emotional dependence on food, and what a ludicrous concept it is to think I can derive emotional security from food.) I grew tired of her studying inhabitants of "The Planet Girl" like an anthropologist. I know her intent was to observe what she had missed socially and physically due to her obesity, and to discover herself, but it came off as studying what a "girl" should be like. Gender stereotypes just perpetuate the trap she was trying to escape before and after she lost the weight.

[Violet · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first part of this book was something I could have written myself, save for the differences in the numbers (weights) between the author and myself. The feelings, perceptions and some of the experiences were absolutely accurate to me. It was uncomfortable to read - in a good way - for that very reason.

I have not lost half my weight, however, so the second half was easier to read in that sense. I'm still processing my feelings and thoughts on much of it. The author and I have other differences that made the second half feel less personal to me, as well.

Frances Kuffel writes in a way that 'worked' for me - which made this book 'work' for me, too. I'd definitely recommend it.

[Karyn Wynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had this book for 4 years. It just sat on the shelf. Then, one day, I finally opened it. The first several chapters were as if the author had inhabited my body.
Her voyage to the land of girls is familiar to me. I have used 12 steps for more than half my life, although it has always baffled me with food. This book has me looking at everything. Why I eat, why I gained so much weight. Why I will not surrender to win.
I love it, I hate it.

[melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone who has struggled with weight and self-image and then discovered the new set of issues that comes with weightloss. Kuffel, a cynical New Yorker, writes a very raw journal of her experience of losing over 100 pounds from beginning to end. She never hides an emotion or an embarrassment. She is a heroine to anyone facing their own demons or addictions. Funny and inspiring.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this memoir both disturbingly similar to my own journey working at overcoming compulsive eating, and disturbingly alien. Those of us who walk that path know that obesity is NOT an issue of intelligence or education alone. Bald and honest truth, from the author's point of view, speaks from every page.

[David Jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kuffel is a wonderful writer and her story is fascinating--losing close to 200 pounds in her 40s and doing it the old fashioned way, eating less and exercising more. But she is obsessed with attractiveness, her own and everyone else's, and this gets tiring very quickly.

[Nancy Loe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, honest, brilliant.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

didn't finish

[Mary D · Rating 3 out of 5]

truth & tears - what's next?

[etherealfire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kindle Unlimited e-book

[Nia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book didn’t just make me reflect on weight loss—it made me rethink how I’ve been dealing with my own struggles with food. Passing for Thin pushed me to seriously consider attending Eating Disorders Anonymous or OA because I realized something: I’ve been in my own personal hell for so long, trying to manage this alone, when maybe the way out is actually through community.

Frances never explicitly states what kind of program she joined when she met the “Stepfords,” but it’s clear that accountability and structured support played a huge role in her journey. And that made me wonder—what if I need that too?

Now, one thing I keep seeing in reviews is this idea that Frances became fatphobic after losing weight. Someone even wrote that they were “disturbed” by how much she seemed to hate fat people. I never once got that from the book. What I saw was someone wrestling with the psychological toll of being on the other side of morbid obesity—finally existing in a body that society treats differently and trying to make sense of her place in it.

If you haven’t personally been through that transformation, it’s easy to misinterpret her observations as judgment when, really, they’re just part of the mental gymnastics that come with extreme weight loss. When you’ve lived most of your life feeling invisible—or worse, ridiculed—it changes how you view the world, and Passing for Thin doesn’t shy away from those messy, uncomfortable thoughts.

That being said, the book can get extremely wordy. At times, I found myself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of detail, which was a challenge for me as someone who prefers a more concise read. Still, I couldn’t put it down. No matter how much the writing dragged in places, I kept picking it back up because I felt seen.

This isn’t a self-help book. It won’t tell you how to lose weight. But if you’ve ever struggled with feeling trapped in your own body, if you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I’ll always be this way,” this book might make you rethink that. And if you’re anything like me, it might also make you realize that you don’t have to navigate it alone.

[Clint · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having lost great amounts of weight, and gained them back, I thought this would be both funny — as I recalled it was pitched as being — and inspirational. While it was, at times, clever and funny (especially some of the dating chapters) and interesting, it was not what I had hoped. Written by a woman, it definitely appeals more to women. I also never felt like the author lost her weight in her mind, a key component of true recovery. But, in the end, she seemed to accept that her weight would be a constant struggle, which it always is.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book took me a long time to finish because I couldn't quite make up my mind about whether it was a good book and worth reading. In the end I slugged through it and finished it. The author as an odd style of writing and it was sometimes hard to follow the narrative. It was like she was leaving information out and you had to figure out what it was. I think. It is hard to put my finger on what was so odd about the book. It also felt like I was coming into the story half way through it without having been told what that first half really was.

[natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is not about losing the weight.

It is about losing yourself and finding it again.

I wasn't ready for the book to end, because I wasn't ready for my next step to begin. What a riveting dialogue on one woman's experience emerging from a toxic obsession: food. Unanticipated were the efforts necessitated by assimilating to the Planet of Girls. Explores culture and identity in a safe, fresh space.

[Mercurialgem · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this a looong time ago and though I don't recall many details about it when I saw the book again and remember reading it the "feeling" I got was a three so its like I remember it but not the details.
Anyways, since I am going through my books to see what I can donate I know I will be donating this one but kinda wanna reread it but then I hate rereading. Hmmm.....

[Stacie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. It was fine. Nothing special.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kuffel offers interesting insight into her weight loss, different from a how-to diet book or even an account of how she did it. Her focus in on why she did it, and how her own journey transformed her relationships and her life is an engaging read about one woman’s struggle to overcome a lifelong addiction.

In answer to the constant question “were you always fat”? Kuffel explains, “I identified myself as fat at such an early age that for a long time there was no other adjective to follow.” While she may not have always been fat, her memories seem to revolve around the food she schemed and plotted to acquire.

Kuffel describes the defining moment when she realized her eating was out of control as “idiotically mundane”. She was financially broke and commiserating with a friend. The moment came when her friend asked why she had bought Pringles with her last $3 when she wasn’t hungry.

“So why did you buy Pringles?”
“Because I’m afraid. I eat when I’m afraid…”
I heard this. It was the truest thing I had ever said. This was my heart and my guts talking, every blood cell in my body condensed into five words.
I heard but I didn’t listen. I wasn’t ready. It would be ten years before I listened and acted.
But I knew.

Ten years is a long time to live with the knowledge of a necessary change. Kuffel doesn’t expound on the details of her eating plan, offer tips for others struggling to lose weight or pretend to offer inspiration. She does, however, document her emotional journey and how changing her outward appearance changed how those she knew best related to her. As well as how she related to herself.

I can’t pretend that I always understood what Kuffel was trying to tell her readers, but over all Passing for Thin is an engaging account of one woman’s struggle to overcome addiction.

[Nicole Harkin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just finished Passing for Thin, by Frances Kuffel. Turns out she is from MISSOULA. Another Montana writer. Who knew? In the late 90's she lost 170 pounds in two years. The book chronicles her journey to half of herself.

In a moment reminiscent to Eat, Pray, Love, Mrs. Kuffel hears God tell her to lose weight. So she goes to Over-eaters Anonymous. She has a sponsor and a special diet, the OA's diet. I looked online for it. (You can check it out by clicking this sentence.) OA is similar to AA. You must completely abstain from your addiction. So if you are in AA, no alcohol, if you are in OA, no food. Oh wait, that won't work. No sugar or carbohydrates. Protein, fruits, and veggies only.

The European view of alcoholism is different than our view. In Europe people re-learn how to interact with alcohol, rather than banning it for life. I think this is a better approach. There are always going to be tempting foods out there, but I need to learn how to not eat all of them like the rest of the world. Ok the skinny rest of the world.

My real problem with the book is really a problem with all so called diets: diets are unsustainable. You cannot live on a diet the rest of your life. I firmly believe you have to re-learn portion control and what is healthy. Our society sends out so many different messages about how to lose weight it is easy to get confused. And I am not so sure there is really a lot of science out there about losing weight. To almost quote Erin, 'Losing weight is not as linear as the eat less food and exercise.'

She apparently has another book coming out in a few months about re-losing the weight.

Life is a journey, not a destination, as someone says.

[Jennifer Margulis · Rating 3 out of 5]

When she comes home to visit her family Frances Kuffel's brother walks right by her at the airport. She has lost so much weight that he does not recognize her.

Kuffel chronicles how she spent her whole young life finding comfort in food, stealing food, hoarding food, and eating uncontrollably. It is not until she is in middle age that she dedicates herself to losing weight and to better understanding her eating addiction. She successfully goes from being on the margins of society (as a grotesquely obese woman who, though smart and talented, is consumed by self hate and uncontrolled eating) to an attractive gym rat and literary agent who can find clothes that fit in any store, hikes up mountains without becoming completely exhausted after the first three steps, and is noticed by men.

I liked this book but did not love it. I wanted to learn more about Kuffel's early life, her feelings about being adopted, her older brothers' bullying. I felt like she was holding back and glossing over the really hard parts, being dishonest with the reader and, perhaps, with herself. Although I appreciated her weight struggles, I found myself a little impatient with her inability to leave a job she hated, her devastation over being dumped by a boyfriend who seemed too good to be true, and her self absorbedness.