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After the Flag Has Been Folded: A Daughter Remembers the Father She Lost to War--and the Mother Who Held Her Family Together
Karen Spears was nine years old, living with her family in a trailer in rural Tennessee, when her father, David Spears, was killed in the Ia Drang Valley in Vietnam. It was 1966 -- in a nation being torn apart by a war nobody wanted, in an emotionally charged Southern landscape stained with racism and bigotry -- and suddenly the care and well-being of three small children were solely in the hands of a frightened young widow with no skills and a ninth-grade education. But thanks to a mother's remarkable courage, strength, and stubborn tenacity, a family in the midst of chaos and in severe crisis miraculously pulled together to achieve its own version of the American Dream.
Beginning on the day Karen learns of her father's death and ending thirty years later with her pilgrimage to the battlefield where he died, half a world away from the family's hometown, After the Flag Has Been Folded is a triumphant tale of reconciliation between a daughter and her father, a daughter and her nation -- and a poignant remembrance of a mother's love and heroism.
386 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2005
19 people are currently reading
186 people want to read
About the author
Karen Spears Zacharias
18 books98 followersKaren Spears Zacharias is an Appalachian writer, a former journalist, and author of numerous books, both fiction and non-fiction.
She holds a MA in Appalachian Studies from Shepherd University, Shepherdstown, West Virginia, and a MA in Creative Media Practice from the University of West Scotland, Ayr, Scotland.
Her debut novel Mother of Rain received the Weatherford Award for Best in Appalachian Fiction from The Loyal Jones Appalachian Center at Berea College, Kentucky.
Zacharias was named Appalachian Heritage Writer in 2018 by Shepherd University.
Her work has been featured on National Public Radio, CNN, the New York Times, Washington Post and in numerous anthologies.
She lives at the foot of the Cascade Mountains in Deschutes County, Oregon, where she’s an active member of the League of Women Voters and Central Oregon Writers Guild. She is a member of Phi Beta Delta and Phi Kappa Phi. A Gold Star daughter, she is a fierce advocate for democratic principles and women’s rights.
Zacharias taught First-Amendment Rights at Central Washington University, Ellensburg, Washington, and continues to teach at writing workshops around the country.
Her forthcoming novel No Perfect Mothers will be released by Mercer University Press, Spring 2024.
She holds a MA in Appalachian Studies from Shepherd University, Shepherdstown, West Virginia, and a MA in Creative Media Practice from the University of West Scotland, Ayr, Scotland.
Her debut novel Mother of Rain received the Weatherford Award for Best in Appalachian Fiction from The Loyal Jones Appalachian Center at Berea College, Kentucky.
Zacharias was named Appalachian Heritage Writer in 2018 by Shepherd University.
Her work has been featured on National Public Radio, CNN, the New York Times, Washington Post and in numerous anthologies.
She lives at the foot of the Cascade Mountains in Deschutes County, Oregon, where she’s an active member of the League of Women Voters and Central Oregon Writers Guild. She is a member of Phi Beta Delta and Phi Kappa Phi. A Gold Star daughter, she is a fierce advocate for democratic principles and women’s rights.
Zacharias taught First-Amendment Rights at Central Washington University, Ellensburg, Washington, and continues to teach at writing workshops around the country.
Her forthcoming novel No Perfect Mothers will be released by Mercer University Press, Spring 2024.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
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January 17, 2015I don't typically read memoir, but I picked this up as part of my research for a project. I truly appreciated the courage it took Zacharias to share this story. It's a tough one. Full of hardship. But Zacharias never once played the "poor me" card. She wrote with grace and dignity.
January 31, 2008
This book is part of who I am and where I come from...this is my history...filled with insights on my family and my grandfather who gave his all for his country, without this book I may still be wondering all of things about my existence.
September 2, 2015
Heartwrenching
Very good read b
Things the reality of the stories of soldiers spouses and children left behind after the soldiers death. And the trials and tribulations that the survivors have to face and deal with. I highly recommend this book. GOD BLESS OUR SOLDIERS and GOD BLESS the U.S.A.
SGT RICK Colburn
13 year VETERAN
U. S. ARMY
Very good read b
Things the reality of the stories of soldiers spouses and children left behind after the soldiers death. And the trials and tribulations that the survivors have to face and deal with. I highly recommend this book. GOD BLESS OUR SOLDIERS and GOD BLESS the U.S.A.
SGT RICK Colburn
13 year VETERAN
U. S. ARMY
September 24, 2019
After contacting all of the men who served with her father, Karen returns to Vietnam to visit where her father died. The death of her father affected the whole family in a negative way. The whole family would not talk about their feelings. She and her brother felt abandoned by her mother, she was working so hard to support the family. They both acted out, while the youngest child saw what her brother and sister did and chose not to cause their mother further grief. A very interesting read for those who grew up during the Vietnam era.
April 16, 2015
Quotable:
I came across an awful story the other day. A story of an American soldier. Tim O’Brien tells it in his book The things they carried. O’Brien has mastered the art of telling ghastly tales of the American war in Vietnam. I’m careful about when I read his stuff. I don’t read his prose while eating. I don’t read it before bedtime. I don’t read it if the kids are around. Simply because his words make my stomach convulse, my heart pound, and the fissures in my soul ooze with confusion and anger. I think Sunday school teachers ought to give their seniors a copy of The things they carried, instead of those insidious religious books which project a ridiculous Daddy Warbucks image of God. I don’t know about you, but I hope the God at my side isn’t such a namby-pamby.
Mable Bailey scared me. She had an air of strictness about her, like a librarian schooled in the Dewey Decimal system. Or a Sunday school teacher whose favorite book of the Bible was Leviticus. Her black hair was backcombed and piled high atop her head. She must’ve used a can of “Extra Hold” Aqua Net to keep it in place because she never had frizzes or wispies falling down around her forehead. Her libs were ruby red, all the time. And she wore a girdle, even though she didn’t need one.
Mama said that before Daddy died she didn’t drink at all. Not even one beer. But then again, back then she didn’t have any screeching sorrows to quell.
As a child, I was incapable of distinguishing between my father the soldier and the policies and practices targeted by protestors who were sincerely concerned about politicians’ misuse of military might. Certainly, the nightly newscasts and the headlines in the daily papers did little to help me make those distinctions. There was nobody sitting beside me explaining that the protestors burning effigies of U.S. soldiers or shouting obscenities about the Vietnam War weren’t necessarily angry at my father.
[B]etween 1978, the summer Elvis died, and 1994, I not only refused to fly, but the very thought of it made me sick to my stomach. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in near convulsions, just thinking about boarding a plane. Not that I was going anywhere, mind you. I was a stay-at-home mom to four kids. I could barely get to the bathroom alone, much less take a plane trip anywhere. Now I fly more than ever. Mostly it’s because this search has demanded it, but partly because it’s a display of victory to me. A way to demonstrate that my decisions in life are not ruled by fear. That doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, it just means that, like Mama, I’ve learned to press on in spite of them.
I came across an awful story the other day. A story of an American soldier. Tim O’Brien tells it in his book The things they carried. O’Brien has mastered the art of telling ghastly tales of the American war in Vietnam. I’m careful about when I read his stuff. I don’t read his prose while eating. I don’t read it before bedtime. I don’t read it if the kids are around. Simply because his words make my stomach convulse, my heart pound, and the fissures in my soul ooze with confusion and anger. I think Sunday school teachers ought to give their seniors a copy of The things they carried, instead of those insidious religious books which project a ridiculous Daddy Warbucks image of God. I don’t know about you, but I hope the God at my side isn’t such a namby-pamby.
Mable Bailey scared me. She had an air of strictness about her, like a librarian schooled in the Dewey Decimal system. Or a Sunday school teacher whose favorite book of the Bible was Leviticus. Her black hair was backcombed and piled high atop her head. She must’ve used a can of “Extra Hold” Aqua Net to keep it in place because she never had frizzes or wispies falling down around her forehead. Her libs were ruby red, all the time. And she wore a girdle, even though she didn’t need one.
Mama said that before Daddy died she didn’t drink at all. Not even one beer. But then again, back then she didn’t have any screeching sorrows to quell.
As a child, I was incapable of distinguishing between my father the soldier and the policies and practices targeted by protestors who were sincerely concerned about politicians’ misuse of military might. Certainly, the nightly newscasts and the headlines in the daily papers did little to help me make those distinctions. There was nobody sitting beside me explaining that the protestors burning effigies of U.S. soldiers or shouting obscenities about the Vietnam War weren’t necessarily angry at my father.
[B]etween 1978, the summer Elvis died, and 1994, I not only refused to fly, but the very thought of it made me sick to my stomach. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in near convulsions, just thinking about boarding a plane. Not that I was going anywhere, mind you. I was a stay-at-home mom to four kids. I could barely get to the bathroom alone, much less take a plane trip anywhere. Now I fly more than ever. Mostly it’s because this search has demanded it, but partly because it’s a display of victory to me. A way to demonstrate that my decisions in life are not ruled by fear. That doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, it just means that, like Mama, I’ve learned to press on in spite of them.
January 3, 2012
I don't understand the title of this book. Very little was about the author's father; it was a memoir about her life after he died. And, believe me, her mama was no hero. Yes, as a widow, Mama had to work to support her children. But, when she wasn't at work or at school (getting first a GED, then LPN, then RN), she was partying and bringing home different men to their tiny trailer. No matter when Mama was, however, her kids were left unattended. Despite large families on both sides, the author and her siblings were constantly on their own. It is no wonder, then, that they turned to alcohol, drugs, sex, and anyone who would pay attention to them. It was really sad to read about Mama sending the author to a distant relative's for a month, then telling the author to come home on the bus. The author rode all day and night, but Mama wasn't at the bus station to take her home. The author called home and Mama told her take a cab. It was still dark out and, since Mama had moved to a new trailer park, the author didn't know where the new home was. The kicker? The author was only 12 years old. And it got worse from there. Hero Mama? I don't think so.
June 17, 2015
I have not read a lot of books about the war in Vietnam. This book was well worth my time and on several occasions, brought tears to my eyes. I have many friends who served in Vietnam. I will never fully understand what they went through or the feelings they harbor, but don't discuss. i truly believe this book helped narrow that gap.
August 28, 2011
Seriously important book that never got the attention it deserved.
September 3, 2012
This book was really good. It was the story of a family who's father died in Vietnam. The 9 yr old girl is the one telling the story. The story was very moving and made you think.
August 2, 2016
Although this memoir is as heartbreaking as one would expect, the author uses her grief to get to the truth of her father's death in Vietnam.
August 6, 2017
The American war in Vietnam has probably forever spoiled the concept of a war hero for me. There are no heroes and especially not for the Vietnam era. I have read a lot of books about Vietnam and most of them have been about the soldiers in the field. The families I have read about where the Vietnamese families who were slaughtered wholesale in there villages and huts. While this is not a pro war book for how could there really be such a thing? But it cast a positive light on the American determination in this war to fight communism and win for democracy.
The author presents and incredibly detailed recitation of her life after her father was killed when she was nine. Her recollections are extraordinarily detailed and seemingly honest and unembarrassed. The story of economic and family struggles have a strong ring of authenticity. The absence of her father and how she struggled with that absence and missed him is brought up over and over and over. It seemed to be her mantra: I miss my dad!
The other constant reality was the church and religion. As a non-religious or maybe even anti-religious person I felt inundated by religion and the southern gospel.
Toward the end of the book the author spends an inordinate amount of time describing her effort to track down the true story of the death of her father. It did expose to the reader the astounding bureaucracy of war and war deaths as she tracked down documents and processes from the distant past about the events in Vietnam that led to the death of her father. The beliefs of the men who were there when he died did not correspond with the official record.
I did not feel that the writing captured the emotions of the events being described. There were many many descriptions of tears but I thought the writing was more journalistic then dramatic. But it is clear that the author was committed to serving the community of families who must go on after a loved one dies in war. Making heroes of those who died in war is one thing that societies do to make ongoing wars possible. I can only ask when will we ever learn, when will we ever learn?
The author presents and incredibly detailed recitation of her life after her father was killed when she was nine. Her recollections are extraordinarily detailed and seemingly honest and unembarrassed. The story of economic and family struggles have a strong ring of authenticity. The absence of her father and how she struggled with that absence and missed him is brought up over and over and over. It seemed to be her mantra: I miss my dad!
The other constant reality was the church and religion. As a non-religious or maybe even anti-religious person I felt inundated by religion and the southern gospel.
Toward the end of the book the author spends an inordinate amount of time describing her effort to track down the true story of the death of her father. It did expose to the reader the astounding bureaucracy of war and war deaths as she tracked down documents and processes from the distant past about the events in Vietnam that led to the death of her father. The beliefs of the men who were there when he died did not correspond with the official record.
I did not feel that the writing captured the emotions of the events being described. There were many many descriptions of tears but I thought the writing was more journalistic then dramatic. But it is clear that the author was committed to serving the community of families who must go on after a loved one dies in war. Making heroes of those who died in war is one thing that societies do to make ongoing wars possible. I can only ask when will we ever learn, when will we ever learn?
November 20, 2024
I've been into the sixties for this past couple of months. This memoir of a Viet Nam deceased soldier's family and how they managed after his battlefield death seemed a good way to get a different experience of that era. At first I didn't want to finish it ... it's raw realism in sections was overwhelming. I'm glad I stuck it out to the end. It supports my thinking about the hurt of war.
April 7, 2015
Karen Spears Zacharias’s After the Flag Has Been Folded is an engaging, folksy, sometimes harrowing memoir. Spears’s father was a Vietnam War casualty, and in this book, she explores all that means—for a family to lose a loved one to war. The experience took its toll on her sister, brother, mother, and her. Each of them suffered, trying to make sense of it all, trying to get their own lives on track. Growing up in near poverty, this family, originally from Tennessee and transplanted to Georgia, was led by a mother, although not perfect, was determined to provide for her family. We see a woman here who goes from abject grief, to way too much partying, to a GED, an LVN certification, an RN certification, and ultimately a long, successful nursing career. Meanwhile, her daughter Karen is rebellious, son Frank becomes an out-of-control drug addict and pusher, and daughter Linda, who fares the best in the family, seems to be aloof (perhaps her way to deal with the loss.) But Spears’s story is one of triumph: struggles be damned, these three siblings grow up with values, weather their personal storms, and achieve in life. Spears herself made it her personal quest to find out as much as she could about her father’s death, and that quest led her to a global understanding of what war does to families. And it led her to dedicate her life and career to helping Vietnam veterans. But standing out in her story is her mother. The original title of this book was Hero Mama, because as Spears says, she had two heroes in her life, her daddy and her mama.
May 11, 2015
An Important Book
I wanted to read this book because I have long sensed that I had dodged a bullet. I married a soldier during the war, knowing that there was a significant chance that he would be sent to Vietnam. But those orders came twice and were cancelled. A brother in law went and returned very troubled. My sister in law struggled with that and eventually her family was broken. My family avoided the severe consequences of the Vietnam veteran or widowhood. This book made me realize just how fortunate I was, yet I was very aware of the negative reception of the Vietnam era soldier, as I lived with one. I thank the author for the successful effort she made to "tell it like it is" or was. Her mother truly is a "Hero Woman".
I wanted to read this book because I have long sensed that I had dodged a bullet. I married a soldier during the war, knowing that there was a significant chance that he would be sent to Vietnam. But those orders came twice and were cancelled. A brother in law went and returned very troubled. My sister in law struggled with that and eventually her family was broken. My family avoided the severe consequences of the Vietnam veteran or widowhood. This book made me realize just how fortunate I was, yet I was very aware of the negative reception of the Vietnam era soldier, as I lived with one. I thank the author for the successful effort she made to "tell it like it is" or was. Her mother truly is a "Hero Woman".
May 3, 2015
Excellent
I cried for the family, and others that lost their loved ones in Vietnam. I will be forever grateful to the men and women who served in this war. Thank YOU for your service.
I cried for the family, and others that lost their loved ones in Vietnam. I will be forever grateful to the men and women who served in this war. Thank YOU for your service.
January 8, 2013
I enjoy this author but this book is a memoir and most of her life was not interesting to me. I'm on page 266. I'll try to edit my review when I'm done.
October 12, 2015
Sad sad story
Vietnam was such a sad mistake in U S history. Reading this book made it even sadder that a family had to go through what it did after the dad's death.
Vietnam was such a sad mistake in U S history. Reading this book made it even sadder that a family had to go through what it did after the dad's death.
November 13, 2015
Although much of this story was boring to me, it is an important look at a tragic part of American history.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews