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527 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1999
"She followed the white crow beyond the limits of what she knew, learning about and loving from that moment on, forever, everything she saw and touched, as if that day of death had been set aside for her to learn something unrepeatable, something only for her, and only for the age Laura Diaz had reached at that instant, haivng been born on May 12, 1898, when the Virgin dressed in white came walking into sight with her coat. . . "
"Laura now realized that for years the Spanish Civil War had been the epicenter of her historical life, not the Mexican Revolution, which had passed through the state of Veracruz so mildly and tangentially, as if dying in the Gulf were a unique, moving, and untouchable privilege reserved for Laura's older brother, Santiago Diaz, sole protagonist, as far as she was concerned, of the 1910 insurrection."
Laura’s story does not begin when she is born. It would be too easy. None of our stories have this kind of well-established beginning. We only see the trees, but under the ground there are roots. We keep forgetting this. Laura’s family is a family of German immigrants. Each one of its members has its own drama. Discontent runs deep in the family, hidden one way or another behind stories that are meant to provide explanations and which only seem to succeed in romanticizing everything.![]()
“Returning to the past meant entering an empty, interminable corridor where one could no longer find the usual things or people one wanted to see again.. As if they were playing with both our memory and our imagination, the people and things of the past challenged us to situate them in the present, not forgetting they had a past and would have a future although that future would be, precisely, only that of memory, again, in the present.”Ab ovo, Laura’s story is this one: there is a grandmother whose fingers from the right hand (or maybe it was the left one, I don’t recall) were cut because she had been too proud to have surrendered her wedding ring to a thief she was strongly attracted to who had attacked her convoy when she was going to her husband’s mansion, there are two spinster aunts, one a never-published poet, the other a never-acknowledged pianist, there is another aunt who was her grandfather’s daughter with a prostitute, there is a mom who decides that the only way to escape the seclusion of her family is to keep her feet on the ground, unlike her sisters. The story starts being delineated in our minds before Laura even gets to enter the stage. Before the sketch of her own life starts to get contours, all these lives from the past are already strongly imprinted in her DNA.
“… our existence has no other meaning but to complete unfinished desires…”Her own story revolves around “Santiagos”: her step brother, her son, her nephew and another Santiago that she does not interact with, but whose unseen roots below ground get to lean on her experience of life and vision. The grains of sand are falling in her hourglass: she encounters love and its different forms (the erotical love, the maternal love, brotherly love), she experiences solitude and lack of meaning, she experiences intimacy, she gets introduced to the Mexican art world (Frida and Diego Rivera), she gets to understand that she cannot love her two sons equally and that we are drawn to some people and not to others, she is vulnerable and learns to embrace this since it is all a part of becoming who you actually are, she finds motivation and artistic forms of self-expression, she learns to be alone without being lonely, she learns to forgive and she learns that all past experiences have their own safe place in her mind, that there is no reason to deny their existence because they are part of what she has become.
“We have to make time for the things that have taken place. We have to allow pain to become knowledge in some way.”Grandeur of haciendas in contrast with corruption, cruelty of politics and senseless deaths are graciously woven in this saga. Laura is a survivor. She learns moral fortitude along the way. She is a daughter and a mom, she is a niece, a grand-daughter, a mother in law, a grandmother, a great-grandmother. A stepsister. A lover. A wife. A friend. She makes mistakes and she learns from them. She begins to understand that we are all unfulfilled promises and that we all understand this only too late.
“Santiago had been an unfulfilled promise. Was that what Grandfather was, too, despite his age? Was there any really finished life, a single life that wasn’t also a truncated promise, a latent possibility, even more… ? It isn’t the past that dies with each of us. The future dies as well.”Other hourglasses are turned over all the time. Other lives begin. Sand starts falling. First grain. Second grain… Other personalities are getting shaped, but the process starts anew each time. For Laura, “what might have been already was, […]. Everything happened exactly as it should have happened.”