What do you think?
Rate this book
Grace and Favour: The Memoirs of Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
Hardcover
First published January 1, 1961
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
December 18, 2017
SUCH an enjoyable memoir - right up my alley! Very pleased I stumbled across this out of print memoir at The Strand. I bought it on a whim & am happy I did so. Loelia was born in 1902 and her memoir published in 1961. The book covers her childhood, youth & 5 year marriage to the Duke of Westminster, ending in the 1930s.
I loved Loelia's voice - the style of the memoir reminded me a bit of Nancy Mitford, very chatty & funny, but without the snarky undercurrent of Nancy. Loelia & Nancy ran in the same circle of Bright Young Things of the 1920's but Loelia didn't mention her in the memoir. I was surprised at how little she wrote about that period. She goes into amusing details about certain events from that period of her life, but only mentions specifically a few people. What fun it was to read about Loelia & her friends starting "treasure hunts" in London. Very like Carole Lombard's movie My Man Godfrey. (Ok, My Man Godfrey was about scavenger hunts, which followed treasure hunts but still.) I loved the bit where Loelia's friend figured out they should hire a taxi driver to ride around with them, because he would know all the shortcuts and best ways to drive places. The driver got really into the game & became an unofficial member of their team lol.
I think my favorite sections of the book were the ones where Loelia was discussing how dramatically life had changed since she was young. It's just such an interesting age to be born - at the turn of the twentieth century. So many huge changes in one life time! Some of her observations I'd thought of - like how no one wears hats anymore (Loelia says that all those bare heads would have been the most shocking change to her father, if he could see the future). She mentions when the street signs were cut shorter in the early 20s- they had been one height so coachmen in carriages could read them but were then shortened for drivers of cars. Huh, I'd never thought of that! She wrote about changes in fashion, which of course, were so major from the teens to the twenties. Amazing how make up went from totally verboten to completely expected in about ten years.
Since Loelia's father was the secretary for Queen Victoria, King Edward AND King George V, Loelia writes a fair bit about the royal family. My favorite story concerns Queen Mary. When the royal household would go to Balmoral for the holidays, the more senior staff would lodge in small houses on the estate. Loelia mentions her parents were relieved they were located about 7 miles from the castle, so the Queen could not easily drop by unannounced. Apparently she had the habit of showing up at staff's homes and if no one was at home, she'd start rearranging the furniture. Hahaha! Imagine coming home and finding the Queen of England dragging your couch to a new spot in the living room.
If you read this book, I suggest keeping your phone close at hand so you can google all the people you come across in the book. Oh some mentioned are very famous, like Winston Churchill, Charlie Chaplin & Evelyn Waugh. Many however, are not as well known. Several times I fell down the rabbit hole of the internet, one person's Wikipedia page leading to another & another & another. Everyone was so intertwined in British high society of that era!
This memoir would make a great primary source for someone writing a novel of this time period. Loelia goes into great detail about parts of history I find fascinating and that are commonly overlooked in favor of "important" parts of history like battles and elections. Sure war and politics shape history to a large degree but society is also shaped by more mundane facts of life like food, fashion, architecture, city design, shopping habits, household chores etc. Loelia bypasses talk of major historical issues and instead writes of more about the history of private lives.
Two thumbs up, way up.
I loved Loelia's voice - the style of the memoir reminded me a bit of Nancy Mitford, very chatty & funny, but without the snarky undercurrent of Nancy. Loelia & Nancy ran in the same circle of Bright Young Things of the 1920's but Loelia didn't mention her in the memoir. I was surprised at how little she wrote about that period. She goes into amusing details about certain events from that period of her life, but only mentions specifically a few people. What fun it was to read about Loelia & her friends starting "treasure hunts" in London. Very like Carole Lombard's movie My Man Godfrey. (Ok, My Man Godfrey was about scavenger hunts, which followed treasure hunts but still.) I loved the bit where Loelia's friend figured out they should hire a taxi driver to ride around with them, because he would know all the shortcuts and best ways to drive places. The driver got really into the game & became an unofficial member of their team lol.
I think my favorite sections of the book were the ones where Loelia was discussing how dramatically life had changed since she was young. It's just such an interesting age to be born - at the turn of the twentieth century. So many huge changes in one life time! Some of her observations I'd thought of - like how no one wears hats anymore (Loelia says that all those bare heads would have been the most shocking change to her father, if he could see the future). She mentions when the street signs were cut shorter in the early 20s- they had been one height so coachmen in carriages could read them but were then shortened for drivers of cars. Huh, I'd never thought of that! She wrote about changes in fashion, which of course, were so major from the teens to the twenties. Amazing how make up went from totally verboten to completely expected in about ten years.
Since Loelia's father was the secretary for Queen Victoria, King Edward AND King George V, Loelia writes a fair bit about the royal family. My favorite story concerns Queen Mary. When the royal household would go to Balmoral for the holidays, the more senior staff would lodge in small houses on the estate. Loelia mentions her parents were relieved they were located about 7 miles from the castle, so the Queen could not easily drop by unannounced. Apparently she had the habit of showing up at staff's homes and if no one was at home, she'd start rearranging the furniture. Hahaha! Imagine coming home and finding the Queen of England dragging your couch to a new spot in the living room.
If you read this book, I suggest keeping your phone close at hand so you can google all the people you come across in the book. Oh some mentioned are very famous, like Winston Churchill, Charlie Chaplin & Evelyn Waugh. Many however, are not as well known. Several times I fell down the rabbit hole of the internet, one person's Wikipedia page leading to another & another & another. Everyone was so intertwined in British high society of that era!
This memoir would make a great primary source for someone writing a novel of this time period. Loelia goes into great detail about parts of history I find fascinating and that are commonly overlooked in favor of "important" parts of history like battles and elections. Sure war and politics shape history to a large degree but society is also shaped by more mundane facts of life like food, fashion, architecture, city design, shopping habits, household chores etc. Loelia bypasses talk of major historical issues and instead writes of more about the history of private lives.
Two thumbs up, way up.
June 27, 2025
The author was the daughter of Sir Frederick Ponsonby and the niece of Arthur Ponsonby, Queen Victoria's private secretary. Sir Frederick was a courtier who served in the households of three monarchs, namely Queen Victoria, Edward VII, and George V, and Loelia grew up quite literally next to royalty. Once, when Loelia tells someone who is taking her home that he has to go to St. James's Palace, her escort refuses to believe it. As a child, Loelia has an unremarkable view of The Royals, and she sees the king as simply the man her father works for. She also remembers climbing on the roof to pour water on the heads of the guardsmen who are patrolling around the palace until the adults put a stop to her fun.
However, this is not a memoir of a happy life. The author describes her parents as neglectful, and they leave her in the care of a string of horrible governesses who inflict various torments. One has the habit of shoving Loelia's face down in a basin of water and holding it there. Eventually, Loelia becomes old enough to escape the governesses, and in her late teens and early twenties she starts running about on the fringes of The Bright Young Things in the 1920s. Because of her nasty upbringing, the author says she was painfully shy in her youth, and it's not until she reaches adulthood that she is given the chance to come out of her shell.
However, her new-found confidence and clubbing brings her across the path of the man who would become her nemesis, namely Hugh Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster. He is the richest man in England except for the king. The Duke is a generation older than Loelia, already twice-divorced (which should have been a warning), has various mistresses, and he's insanely willful and spoiled. He spends money right and left and is always zooming around from country to country to yacht and back, never able to rest. He is not a man who lets himself be argued with, and he cannot bear contradiction of any sort.
Unfortunately for the author, he's also fascinated by Loelia. Loelia's parents never had much money, and her upbringing is poor-but-respectable. So when the Duke starts to court her with a shower of expensive jewelry, Loelia is dazzled. Eventually she succumbs and decides to marry him. She's promptly dragged around in his hypomaniac travels (Loelia never fails to be seasick and miserable on his yacht), and he begins to display a bizarre pathological jealousy. He constantly accuses her of cheating on him and will not believe any denial she offers. Loelia, who had grown up under the control of cruel governesses, is now under the control of a cruel husband. Eventually, the marriage breaks down completely, and they separate and eventually divorce. The author does admit that the one thing she misses about her marriage was the ability to shop without ever having to think about the cost.
At this point the memoir stops, which is a shame, but I would have liked to read more about her life afterwards. All in all, this is quite a good memoir, though it feels unfinished.
However, this is not a memoir of a happy life. The author describes her parents as neglectful, and they leave her in the care of a string of horrible governesses who inflict various torments. One has the habit of shoving Loelia's face down in a basin of water and holding it there. Eventually, Loelia becomes old enough to escape the governesses, and in her late teens and early twenties she starts running about on the fringes of The Bright Young Things in the 1920s. Because of her nasty upbringing, the author says she was painfully shy in her youth, and it's not until she reaches adulthood that she is given the chance to come out of her shell.
However, her new-found confidence and clubbing brings her across the path of the man who would become her nemesis, namely Hugh Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster. He is the richest man in England except for the king. The Duke is a generation older than Loelia, already twice-divorced (which should have been a warning), has various mistresses, and he's insanely willful and spoiled. He spends money right and left and is always zooming around from country to country to yacht and back, never able to rest. He is not a man who lets himself be argued with, and he cannot bear contradiction of any sort.
Unfortunately for the author, he's also fascinated by Loelia. Loelia's parents never had much money, and her upbringing is poor-but-respectable. So when the Duke starts to court her with a shower of expensive jewelry, Loelia is dazzled. Eventually she succumbs and decides to marry him. She's promptly dragged around in his hypomaniac travels (Loelia never fails to be seasick and miserable on his yacht), and he begins to display a bizarre pathological jealousy. He constantly accuses her of cheating on him and will not believe any denial she offers. Loelia, who had grown up under the control of cruel governesses, is now under the control of a cruel husband. Eventually, the marriage breaks down completely, and they separate and eventually divorce. The author does admit that the one thing she misses about her marriage was the ability to shop without ever having to think about the cost.
At this point the memoir stops, which is a shame, but I would have liked to read more about her life afterwards. All in all, this is quite a good memoir, though it feels unfinished.
Read
June 10, 2024Incredible honestly
October 17, 2024
This is probably my favourite memoir of a society lady and I’ve read quite a few … so readable so fresh and so descriptive full of details of what life was really like in the early 20th century which fascinated me. It’s a shame this is so hard to come by I will cherish my copy
October 7, 2015
Strange book about a strange life -- sort of. I thought earlier parts of book describing growing up in Edwardian Britain the most interesting -- she was most reflective about that part of her life. Once married to the duke, she lost her way, but those parts are interesting -- just not profound. Then next 25 years she dismisses in two pages. A little disappointing!
March 31, 2024
Entertaining read - great social history - would like it to have been even more detailed but it was 1961.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews