Dalai Lama, My Son: A Mother's Story

by Diki Tsering

This is the story of the mother of the 14th Dalai Lama, a woman whose conventional life was turned upside down when her one year old son was chosen as a spiritual leader. It is the portrait of a long-lost rural Tibetan way of life as well as the personal account of a mother's love.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Buddhism, Memoir, Religion, Asia, History

Paperback

First published May 1, 2000

Reviews

[Meaghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The memoirs of the ordinary Tibetan housewife who became the Dalai Lama's mom. Diki Tsering was illiterate, but her niece tape-recorded interviews with her before her death in 1980 and those interviews became this book. I most enjoyed the first half, where Tsering talks about her childhood and early adulthood in Tibet before the Chinese invasion. Life in that time and place was very simple and had a lot of beauty, but a lot of harshness too. Tsering writes about the bad treatment of women in Tibetan society -- a daughter-in-law was basically a slave, and widows were compelled to remarry whether they wanted to or not -- and about how, of her sixteen children, nine of them did not live past infancy. Yet she clearly enjoyed her early life, surrounded by a loving family, and knowing very well her place in the world. Deprived as her existence was, she seems to have enjoyed a sense of security that the modern person's world lacks.

I thought the second half of the book, about the Dalai Lama's rise to power and the family's escape to India, was much weaker. I don't know much about the Dalai Lama's life or the situation in Tibet and I couldn't understand a lot of what was going on. I think if I knew more I would have liked this part better. For this reason I would recommend this as only a supplement to learning about Tibet and the Dalai Lama.

Can you imagine the bragging rights this woman must have had? Other people's sons get good grades in school or are star soccer players; her son was GOD.

[George Ilsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

As others have said, this memoir has the wrong title. "A Mother's Story" is accurate, since it is mostly about herself and her perception of events that flowed around her. The memoir is not really about the Dalai Lama, although of course he is present (as are his brothers and sisters).

A simple story, simply told, of major events. Sometimes I wondered what things might actually look like that were sparsely described. For example, Tsering says that where she grew up, adultery was not tolerated and an offender would be killed by the villagers. How exactly would this rough justice be dispensed, I wondered? ie, Stoning? Some of Tsering's sweeping statements about her cultural milieu left much room to speculate.

Overall, this memoir was fascinating and rewarding.

[Mona · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Dalai Lama's mother's autobiography is a treasure. What an eye-opener about her life which was incredibly difficult because that's the way it was (is) for women in Tibet. She explained how she was treated, yet wasn't complaining. How fortunate for the world that her daughter started recording her mother's oral history which was finished by the Dalai Lama's nephew after his mother's unfortunate early death. If you admire the Dalai Lama you will enjoy this look into his heritage from his mother's recollections. If you think being the mother of the Dalai Lama was easy, think again. Intrigue, suspicious deaths, fear and strangeness were rampant. What a strong woman she was. She went from extremely hard-working peasant to becoming mother of the Dalai Lama and all of its queen-like trappings and restrictions. it took only a few months before she began longing for her old home and all of the work it entailed. Her life was never the same again. I will have to say that I gave up trying to keep track of the names. Also, a few parts of the book did jump around in time. I'm guessing that's how oral history is and we are fortunate to have this inside peek into a family of one of the world's greatest men. It IS his mother's story, not that of HHDL. Perhaps the book's title is a tad misleading. But it got me to reading her story so all is good. I particularly love how she shared her heart. "As soon as I saw the city of Lhasa from a distance, there was a lump in my throat. I had heard so much about this city and had so often dreamed of it, and I now saw my dreams coming true." I particularly love this memory because I'm so hoping I'll reach Lhasa before my last breath in this life.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

After seeing the Dalai Lama last May, I thought this would be a great book to read, to discover more about his life. And this book didn't disappoint. Told from the mother's point of view, and it was about her early life and struggles as a woman in Tibet. She was born around 1901--she didn't know exactly when, since the woman was not thought of highly. She was more like a servant, and she had an arranged marriage. The in-laws wanted her to be married to her son when she was only 14, because they needed someone to do all the chores. But her parents had them wait until she was 16. There was much superstition, and many dates, such as her wedding and any travel were determined by the astrologers. And there was no electricity, until she was in her late 20's. And she had to walk down to a well, 10 times a day for the water for the family, in addition to keeping the fire lit in the home. All that changed when her son was proclaimed the next Dalai Lama. Really an interesting read.

[Jc cheek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a fantastic insight to Tibetan Culture, history and the personal life of the Dalai Lama's mother. After reading it, I almost feel like I've been to Tibet. It's written in such a candid and telling light, like a grandmother reminiscing old stories.

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

She has amazing stories all her own.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book title, Dalai Lama, My Son: A Mother's Autobiography, was slightly misleading as it implied to me this is the story of the Dalai Lama. It is actually the autobiography of his mother, Diki Tsering, who was born in 1901 into a poor family and was then married at age 16. Since it spans her life including the Chinese takeover of Tibet, it provides a fascinating look into the lifestyles and customs of normal Tibetan culture...normal, that is, until she gives birth to the future Dalai Lama. So in addition to her life story, she details the early years of her son growing up, being found as the 14th Lama, and beginning his education for his new life. His immediate family experienced drastic changes to their humble beginnings as well. What surprised me was the description of Tibetan version of palace intrigue, power plays, and trying to maintain Tibet's independence from Chinese aggression. It makes it clear why the Dalai Lama needed to flee from his home country to avoid being controlled by the Chinese government. I've known generally about the Dalai Lama and have nothing but respect for him and reading this book filled in a lot of history and background on him, his family, Tibetan culture, and more. If that sounds interesting to you, you should definitely read this book.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stylistically nothing to write home about but interesting content.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not really well written,but gave me an interesting perspective of his mother's life.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm delighted to have stumbled onto this little treasure, which opened another window on the world for me and left me wishing this great lady had shared even more of her incredible story! Since she was an illiterate peasant, family members took down her oral history, and her grandson and nephew of the Dalai Lama edited the book. He traveled with the Dalai Lama as his special assistant in the past but now oversees the Tibetan Refugee Self-Help Centre in Darjeeling, India and is an elected official of the Tibetan Parliament-in-exile.

The only reason I didn't give 5 stars is that an oral history collected & edited by various people could hardly qualify for great literature, although that certainly isn't the point of this book. In fact, it is surprisingly well written, and Diki Tsering, herself, was quite eloquent. However, the story is everything: the story of the heartbreaking suffering and domination of Tibet, the story of the peasants of Tibet, the story of the 14th Dalai Lama, the story of his courageous mother, & the story of their escape & exile. My only real complaint is that it left me wanting more! The life & hardships of the peasants at that time is just mind boggling. I was reminded of "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck several times, especially when it described the teenage girl giving birth by herself in the stables and repeating that experience 15 more times! The only help she ever had was after the 1st birth when a servant heard the baby crying and came in to tie & cut the umbilical cord. Most of her children died, and her life was unspeakably hard. In spite of their hardships, the peasants managed to preserve traditions, customs, & celebrations. The details of daily life, cooking, sewing, religion, family relationships, etc, make for the best kind of reading. This book is about life, death, suffering, celebration, exile, and history and is truly one of a kind! I highly recommend it.

[Eden · Rating 4 out of 5]

2019 bk 81. Rarely do we get a chance to see peasant life through the eyes of one of its own and in this case we have the stories of Diki Tsering as told to her daughter and then grandson. Her family was of the peasantry, but of the next level up, the landed class who owned property and employed those of the farm worker status. Before she was even born, it was told by an oracle that she would do something special. Her grandparents took over the majority of her raising and she was allowed priveleges no other grandchild was permitted until it was time to learn the skills of running a home and cooking for not only family, but also for all of the farm workers.. At age 16 she was married into another family a few hours away from her home and from then on she would only see her parents for a short period of time as she took over the responsibilities of running her new families home. As children came (16 in total, not all surviving) they would be visited by her new uncle-in-law, a Rinpoche, who would make determinations about each child. In total, she had three sons who were given up to monasteries, reincarnations of sprirtual leaders. After her third child was selected as the Dalai Lama, she and her family were moved to Llasa where life changed from one of physical work to one of leisure, but with frequent visits from those who wanted to meet the mother of the Dalai Lama. As a result of the change in her lifestyle she toured the major monasteries, went to India and China and at last fled Tibet on horseback with her son and other children. In her later years she helped establish the Tibetan Refugee Self-Help Center, taught her grandchildren to cook, and endured a trip to England for surgery. An amazing woman and an excellent choice for Women's History Month.

[Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diki Tsering writes of her life with 2 distinct sections. First is her childhood and early married life in Amdo, Tibet and the second is the life of the family of a Dalai Lama. It ends with the family’s daring flight in 1954 to India and a “where are they now” of her children, the Dalai Lama’s siblings.

Life in Amdo was hard. The culture was both authoritative and patriarchal. Women were horribly exploited. Workers stopped their work to bow before passing aristocrats.

Diki Tsering describes her work in the fields, cleaning, sewing, and making a compound of mud and manure and igniting it to heat the family’s beds. In marriage she adds bearing (alone) and raising children and serving her mother-in-law to the list of chores. She makes lunch and takes it to the fields for the “miser”, bonded laborers.

The writing is spare, so, a lot is not put together when we later learn, that when her brother burns the bonding documents, that there were 30 bonded families. So, while we read how she was exploited, we also learn of the family's wealth. We can presume there is influence too, since they understand that their son, despite formal consideration of 15 (or was it 16) others, would be selected as the 14th Dalai Lama.

Once her son, Tenzin Gyatso, is selected, the family’s life changes dramatically. They have to leave the old life behind. They live in what sounds like wonderful houses and have a large staff. The Chinese attempt to buy their support with entertainments, trips and gifts.

Dike Tsering continues to miss her simple village life. Returning to Amdo and seeing the changes wrought by the Chinese occupation grieve her.

Installed in 1940 (at 5 years old) the 14th Dalai Lama continues (in 2025) to lead Tibetan Buddhists.
The book reads like a travelog with an adventure (flight to India) at the end.

Its terse, bare bones prose doesn't connect all the dots, but the writing is charming. Through it you can capture life in rural Tibet in the 1920’s and 30’s as well as what it is like to be in the family of a worldwide spiritual leader.

It’s a quick read. There are a lot of unusual and provocative descriptions such as those regarding wedding customs, festival celebrations, medical treatments, impressions of Lhasa and Shanghai, the reliance on astrologers, and more.

[Иван Зубофф · Rating 1 out of 5]

Я думал, что это книга о главе тибетского буддизма, но похоже, это книга о жизни обычной деревенской жительницы Тибета. Я выдержал лишь четверть сего небольшого произведения: было жутко скучно, а когда авторка стала рассказывать о своём общении с призраками, стало просто невыносимо. По её словам и по словам автора предисловия, в её жизни большую роль играла религия, но кажется, они имели в виду слепое следование ритуалам. Наверное, книга представляет этнографический интерес, но я искал в ней что-то совсем иное.

[Tonja Candelaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an insightful read! Learning about life and culture in Tibet and customs that seem so foreign but we’re explained very frankly. I almost knocked this down to four stars because there were some things I didn’t understand due to a lack of context. However, this book is a record of the oral stories and so it’s on me to learn more about the conflict with China and Tibetan religious structures to fill those gaps.

[Micah Grant · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hoping for more insight about the Dalai Lama and how he was as a child. This turned out to be more of a short travelogue of his mother’s life with a good deal of description about her life growing up on a farm and their traditions. The Dalai Lama only appears for the last part of the book, but what she describes is very impressive. I just wish there was more.

[✨ B e t w e e n S h a d e s o f B o o k s ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was magical. It's very interesting to hear from a perspective of an ordinary, simple girl how her life completely changed overnight due to her son being the 14th Dalai Lama. It's crazy to even imagine and even more crazy to hear a mother's perspective on it. Diki Tsering writes simply, but with passion and love which can never be forgotten. This book is worth it.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredible account of life in Tibet. Amazing details of what Diki Tsering's perspective on life in Tibet before and after the Chinese infiltration of Tibet. Very heart wrenching descriptions of their escape and further adventures in India.

[Barbara Cryer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in the lack of insight into what it felt like to have born a child named as a renowned religious icon. It left me wanting to know much more. It was also surprisingly more "worldly" than I expected. But 16 births....wow

[Joan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I must admit I merely skimmed this memoire by the Dali Lama's mother. She's not a writer but nonetheless provides a glimpse of his childhood, identification as a Dali Lama and the events that followed.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very easy read giving a first hand perspective of what life was like when The Dalai Lama was found and taken from his family.

[Josh Koehn · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent fascinating account of HHDL mothers life!

[janicec100 · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was certainly enlightening about the Tibetan struggle as China began to take them over. I think I liked the Dalai Lama's account in his autobiography even better though.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would definitely recommend the audio book. Great story about Diki Tsering's life and the Dalai Lama.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written as an autobiography of the Dalai Lama’s mother by her grandson.
A simple straightforward book but difficult to appreciate with prior knowledge of the history and maps

[Vicki Scullion · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would have liked more details about this extraordinary woman’s life beyond the bare bones given in this autobiography.

[Aziyade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, an adventure experience

[Chelsea Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful read into the life of Diki Tsering, the mother of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. It went into detail as to how he was discovered and how Tibet became under Communist rule.

[Orinoco Womble (tidy bag and all) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew very little about Tibet (except, you know, the China thing) beyond what I've seen in a few nature documentaries where the emphasis was on animal and plant life, not the people, before reading this book. Somewhere I had got the idea that the Dalai Lama was from poor peasant stock, so was surprised to discover that his family were actually well-to-do landowners by Tibetan standards, with many well-connected relatives.

Diki Tsering tells her own story in her own words, and tells it well. Unfortunately the copy I borrowed was damaged, with a page or two missing at the end, where she tells of the family's flight to India. I smiled over the marriage customs--I know the go-between knew what to expect, but imagine being doused with cold water and then covered with oil and barley flour when you arrive at someone's house!

I've never been a fan of the current Dalai Lama, though I know people who swoon over his every pronouncement, but this book was interesting and informative. Very little information about the Dalai Lama as her son, but then given the system of removing a lama from his home in childhood and taking him to be educated by monks, that's hardly surprising. It made me remember the case of "little Osel", a boy here in Spain who was identified in 1986 as the "reincarnation" of a Lama. Strangely enough, 18 years later he decided he didn't want to be, and returned to Ibiza, where he is now a drummer in a rock band and apparently no longer a Buddhist. Can you do that? (In my world, yes.) Of course, Osel's family were European Buddhists--I doubt a "reincarnation" would surface among, say, Catholics or Baptists. Apparently there were no fewer than three high-level "reincarnations" among the author's children. One wonders if that would have been so if the family had been of the bonded-labourer class.

[Amy Rudolph · Rating 4 out of 5]

A niece of the Dalai Lama asked her grandmother to tell the story of her life and tape-recorded it; it was transcribed and translated from Tibetan, and the result is this autobiography of the Dalai Lama's mother. The style is simple, direct, and unadorned, as one might expect of a woman raised in a peasant family - many times this is effective, but sometimes I wished for more, as in the recounting of the years leading up to his exile, with the political intrigue and Communist infiltration of Tibet. The book begins with her memories of growing up in Tibet - the customs, the food, the dress, the festivals, etc. - and then moves on to her marriage and parenthood. She gave birth to 16 children, only 7 of whom survived past toddlerhood. I particularly enjoyed reading about the time leading up to the Dalai Lama's birth and the 4 years thereafter, as his mother sensed that he was someone special and then as strangers from another land came to their home and recognized him as the 14th Dalai Lama, with wisdom and knowledge beyond his years and experience. The parallels with Mary and Jesus in this way were thought-provoking, as we don't hear much about Mary's perspective on her son; I thought perhaps their reactions might have been similar. I have also heard stories of Joan of Arc that seemed reminiscent of this theme, of one chosen for a divine purpose who knows and understands far more than one of that youth and inexperience would be expected to. I wished for more about the interaction between mother and son once he became "His Holiness"; perhaps she was protecting his privacy? Perhaps she was staying with her own perspective on the theory that his words and deeds would be recounted by others? All in all, I enjoyed this book, and it left me much to think about.

[Rachielle Sheffler · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Dalai Lama's nephew continues the work of his sister in writing about their grandmother. Their grandmother provided the strength of their family. This book, gleaned from notes taken by her grandchildren, cover her life from peasant origins in Tibet to the escape and exile to India after the Chinese Communist takeover in 1959. The Dalai Lama does not take center stage in this book, thus leading me to think that the title of this book is all wrong. The subtitle A Mother's Autobiogaphy should have sufficed. Or, how about Mother Lama? Or The Dalai Lama's Mother?

The Dalai Lama's mother described herself as a simple woman in a simple world, and the beauty of this book is truly is its simplicity and honesty.