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Being Polite to Hitler
After teaching and raising her family for most of her life, Agnes Scofield realizes that she is truly weary of the routine her life has become. But how, at 51, can she establish an identity apart from what has so long defined her?
Often eloquent, sometimes blunt, and always full of fire, The Scofield clan is not a family that keeps its opinions to itself. As much as she'd like to, Agnes can no more deflect their adamant advice than she can step down as their matriarch. And despite her newfound freedom, Agnes finds herself becoming even more entangled in the family web. She shepherds her daughter-in-law, Lavinia, who moves in with her own two daughters to escape her husband's drinking. She puts out fires, smoothes fraying nerves, and, stunned as anyone, receives a marriage proposal. Having expected her life to become smaller, Agnes is amazed to see it grow instead.
Robb Forman Dew intricately weaves together personal and family life into a richly wrought tapestry of the country in the 1950s and beyond. Being Polite to Hitler is a moving, frank, and surprising portrait of post-World War II America.
Often eloquent, sometimes blunt, and always full of fire, The Scofield clan is not a family that keeps its opinions to itself. As much as she'd like to, Agnes can no more deflect their adamant advice than she can step down as their matriarch. And despite her newfound freedom, Agnes finds herself becoming even more entangled in the family web. She shepherds her daughter-in-law, Lavinia, who moves in with her own two daughters to escape her husband's drinking. She puts out fires, smoothes fraying nerves, and, stunned as anyone, receives a marriage proposal. Having expected her life to become smaller, Agnes is amazed to see it grow instead.
Robb Forman Dew intricately weaves together personal and family life into a richly wrought tapestry of the country in the 1950s and beyond. Being Polite to Hitler is a moving, frank, and surprising portrait of post-World War II America.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published December 16, 2010
About the author
Robb Forman Dew
17 books19 followersGranddaughter of US poet, essayist and political writer John Crowe Ransom. Godfather was US poet, essayist, academic Robert Penn Warren. Grew up between Baton Rouge, LA and Ohio, well-connected to Kenyon Review writers and artists. Attended but did not graduate from Louisiana State University.
Her first novel - Dale Loves Sophie to Death - won the 1982 National Book Award. She has taught at the Iowa Writer's Workshop and has received Guggenheim Fellowship. In 2007 she was awarded an honorary degree by Kenyan College.
Since 1977 Robb Forman Dew has been living in Williamstown, Massachusetts, where her husband Charles B. Dew is now the Ephraim Williams Professor of American History at Williams College. They have two sons.
Her first novel - Dale Loves Sophie to Death - won the 1982 National Book Award. She has taught at the Iowa Writer's Workshop and has received Guggenheim Fellowship. In 2007 she was awarded an honorary degree by Kenyan College.
Since 1977 Robb Forman Dew has been living in Williamstown, Massachusetts, where her husband Charles B. Dew is now the Ephraim Williams Professor of American History at Williams College. They have two sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 110 reviews
May 28, 2011
I read the reviews here first, and though that generally will put me off, I decided that the bad reviews were by people who had been looking for something else from this book. Their comments actually helped me to know that this was my kind of book. No, there is little action, and not much of a plot, per se; this is some sort of cross between comedy of manners, memoir, and family saga. I loved every page, found it to be beautifully written, and never put it down until I had finished it. Yes, the end seems abrupt; but I always feel that way about completing a book which I had hoped would somehow never end. The situations are believable, as well as the descriptions of that time in our recent history. If you liked OLIVE KITTERIDGE or JULY AND AUGUST, you will enjoy this book. Highly recommended.
April 4, 2011
Absolutely stunning novel so full of meaning and history that I could bearly read each page without wanting to stop, consider and take it in. This novel is wonderful reading, as well as an uncompromising insight into family dynamics. Ms Dew's sense of plot and timing is seamless.
Robb Forman Dew, a National Book Award winner for her book, "Dale Loves Sophie To Death," is an author whose ilk I have rarely experienced since college days in Classic American Literature. In fact, her book ought to be studied in colleges, it's that relevant today for understanding our social and political history, and its roots in post-WWII 1950's. This book stands shoulder to shoulder with those of Joyce Carol Oates, Margaret Atwood, Virginia Woolf and Carson McCullers.
"Being Polite to Hitler," is a story centered around the Scofield family of "small, ordinary town" Ohio. Through them, Ms Dew renders a microcosmic view of how everyday people might react to critical transitions and social upheavals such as civil rights, womens' issues, the Rosenbergs, Werhner von Braun, the atomic bomb, the Russians and bomb shelters, just to name a few. The unrelenting exposure to one scenario after another as these people deal with the day-to-day threats and complexities of the 1950's, builds a tension in the reader and brings to mind our lives in contemporary America in the latter decades of the 20th century. This is a cautionary story suited for our times as well as being nostalgic.
Characterization is perfection with female characters such as Agnes, the matriarch, who isn't as staid and boring as her grown children might think. My personal favorite, Lavinia, is the random voice of "women's lib" on the verge, 'though still fraught with "...being better than the Joneses," and the new wealth and commercialism of the decade. All of Robb's characters are to be cherished for their individuality and believability. What mother hasn't thought to herself somethng like Agnes's:
"But, what on earth possessed these people for whom she had been the best parent she could manage to be, for whom she had tried so hard to pretend wisdom, to mime adulthood--oh, Lord! Those children! Why weren't they safe by now? What were they doing? They rushed along through their lives, discarding the days like so many pieces of bad fish...Why were they so careless of their own contentment? Why weren't they willing to be happy all the time?"
Thank God, motherhood was taking a turn toward not feeling so guilty about everything their children did!
There is no question that Robb Forman Dew is a gifted writer whose work is rare and an edict for our times. Caught up in our everyday distractions we fail to "see" as the world and its complications spin by us. It is so much easier to be seduced into complacency by media which can lull us into believing, and cause us to be pacified if we blog or tweet, discuss the "situation" with our friends and family...or if we throw some money at it and pat ourselves on the back. Should we actually refuse to "be(ing) polite to Hitler," it would cut through our denial and require personal sacrifices, our actions, and true commitment. We might actually make a difference like Robb Dew and others who take a stand and stake their reputations on it.
As you can see, I was deeply moved by this book. It is a novel I can recommend without reservation to women and men. This book will be discussed from dinner parties to bookgroups to cozy lunch dates with significant others. Please do yourself a favor...don't miss it. In the meantime, I will be busy reading the other two novels in this trilogy.
Deborah/TheBookishDame
Robb Forman Dew, a National Book Award winner for her book, "Dale Loves Sophie To Death," is an author whose ilk I have rarely experienced since college days in Classic American Literature. In fact, her book ought to be studied in colleges, it's that relevant today for understanding our social and political history, and its roots in post-WWII 1950's. This book stands shoulder to shoulder with those of Joyce Carol Oates, Margaret Atwood, Virginia Woolf and Carson McCullers.
"Being Polite to Hitler," is a story centered around the Scofield family of "small, ordinary town" Ohio. Through them, Ms Dew renders a microcosmic view of how everyday people might react to critical transitions and social upheavals such as civil rights, womens' issues, the Rosenbergs, Werhner von Braun, the atomic bomb, the Russians and bomb shelters, just to name a few. The unrelenting exposure to one scenario after another as these people deal with the day-to-day threats and complexities of the 1950's, builds a tension in the reader and brings to mind our lives in contemporary America in the latter decades of the 20th century. This is a cautionary story suited for our times as well as being nostalgic.
Characterization is perfection with female characters such as Agnes, the matriarch, who isn't as staid and boring as her grown children might think. My personal favorite, Lavinia, is the random voice of "women's lib" on the verge, 'though still fraught with "...being better than the Joneses," and the new wealth and commercialism of the decade. All of Robb's characters are to be cherished for their individuality and believability. What mother hasn't thought to herself somethng like Agnes's:
"But, what on earth possessed these people for whom she had been the best parent she could manage to be, for whom she had tried so hard to pretend wisdom, to mime adulthood--oh, Lord! Those children! Why weren't they safe by now? What were they doing? They rushed along through their lives, discarding the days like so many pieces of bad fish...Why were they so careless of their own contentment? Why weren't they willing to be happy all the time?"
Thank God, motherhood was taking a turn toward not feeling so guilty about everything their children did!
There is no question that Robb Forman Dew is a gifted writer whose work is rare and an edict for our times. Caught up in our everyday distractions we fail to "see" as the world and its complications spin by us. It is so much easier to be seduced into complacency by media which can lull us into believing, and cause us to be pacified if we blog or tweet, discuss the "situation" with our friends and family...or if we throw some money at it and pat ourselves on the back. Should we actually refuse to "be(ing) polite to Hitler," it would cut through our denial and require personal sacrifices, our actions, and true commitment. We might actually make a difference like Robb Dew and others who take a stand and stake their reputations on it.
As you can see, I was deeply moved by this book. It is a novel I can recommend without reservation to women and men. This book will be discussed from dinner parties to bookgroups to cozy lunch dates with significant others. Please do yourself a favor...don't miss it. In the meantime, I will be busy reading the other two novels in this trilogy.
Deborah/TheBookishDame
July 23, 2011
This book is not for everyone, but if you have any interest in the 1950s AND you like carefully drawn characters, this is a good choice.
The title is, to my mind, a poor choice. It comes from an argument during a dinner party when Lavinia erupts because a right-wing neighbor is celebrating the execution of the Rosenbergs. Lavinia knows that her husband and brother-in-law share her objections but are trying to keep her from troubling the waters at a dinner party. After the party, she continues the argument with her husband: "What's the matter with the rest of you? You think it would be better just to keep sitting there being polite to Hitler?"
Lavinia is an outsider, a southerner and a widow who married into the Schofield clan in Washburn, Ohio. As Dew explains:
"Lavinia was not uninterested in other people if information was volunteered, but she rarely asked a personal question. It would have surprised her to learn that she seemed aloof and sometimes unfriendly, when, in fact, she was often intimidated by the easy conversations going on around her. She sometimes felt uncomfortable isolated in a crowd, but the fact was, Lavinia had no instinct or talent at all for incidental friendships or small talk. She didn't understand that an exchange of information about the weather, say, was a way to begin the negotiation of an acquaintance. that it was a hesitant testing of the waters."
This care in fleshing out her characters is why I gave the book 4 stars. And Lavinia isn't even the main character. That honor goes to her mother-in-law, Agnes, a fifty-something widow when the book begins, who suddenly realizes that she is sick of teaching third grade. The transformation of Agnes, along with the rest of the nation, over the next 20 years is a story well worth telling.
Many historical figures, like Werner Von Braun, make cameo appearances in this novel, some more successfully than others. There are a few points when it's almost like reading a history book, but as soon as Dew returns to Washburn, the book is back on track and definitely a good read.
The title is, to my mind, a poor choice. It comes from an argument during a dinner party when Lavinia erupts because a right-wing neighbor is celebrating the execution of the Rosenbergs. Lavinia knows that her husband and brother-in-law share her objections but are trying to keep her from troubling the waters at a dinner party. After the party, she continues the argument with her husband: "What's the matter with the rest of you? You think it would be better just to keep sitting there being polite to Hitler?"
Lavinia is an outsider, a southerner and a widow who married into the Schofield clan in Washburn, Ohio. As Dew explains:
"Lavinia was not uninterested in other people if information was volunteered, but she rarely asked a personal question. It would have surprised her to learn that she seemed aloof and sometimes unfriendly, when, in fact, she was often intimidated by the easy conversations going on around her. She sometimes felt uncomfortable isolated in a crowd, but the fact was, Lavinia had no instinct or talent at all for incidental friendships or small talk. She didn't understand that an exchange of information about the weather, say, was a way to begin the negotiation of an acquaintance. that it was a hesitant testing of the waters."
This care in fleshing out her characters is why I gave the book 4 stars. And Lavinia isn't even the main character. That honor goes to her mother-in-law, Agnes, a fifty-something widow when the book begins, who suddenly realizes that she is sick of teaching third grade. The transformation of Agnes, along with the rest of the nation, over the next 20 years is a story well worth telling.
Many historical figures, like Werner Von Braun, make cameo appearances in this novel, some more successfully than others. There are a few points when it's almost like reading a history book, but as soon as Dew returns to Washburn, the book is back on track and definitely a good read.
May 1, 2011
I abandoned this book after about 80 pages, so I'm forced to give it a one-star rating. I'm trying to be more ruthless about abandoning books that are sub-par. So little time, and so much to read!
As I was wading through the first 80 pages, I started thinking about the possible attributes of a good fiction book. Here are some (not mutually exclusive) possibilities:
1. A great plot (e.g. Count of Monte Cristo)
2. Interesting, complex characters (Confederacy of Dunces, A History of Love)
3. Amazing writing with unusual word choices and imagery (Midnight's Children)
4. A good learning opportunity about a particular subject (e.g. March which covers the Civil War or The First Circle which covers Russian gulags)
5. It's funny (Lucky Jim)
Sadly, this book failed on all five dimensions. When that happens, it's time to set the book aside! I'm guessing I read about the book in the New York Times. I should check which reviewer so I am more skeptical of that person's reviews in the future. Amazon readers give it 4.5 stars and also say that this is the third book of a trilogy. I may have liked it more if I had started at book one.
As I was wading through the first 80 pages, I started thinking about the possible attributes of a good fiction book. Here are some (not mutually exclusive) possibilities:
1. A great plot (e.g. Count of Monte Cristo)
2. Interesting, complex characters (Confederacy of Dunces, A History of Love)
3. Amazing writing with unusual word choices and imagery (Midnight's Children)
4. A good learning opportunity about a particular subject (e.g. March which covers the Civil War or The First Circle which covers Russian gulags)
5. It's funny (Lucky Jim)
Sadly, this book failed on all five dimensions. When that happens, it's time to set the book aside! I'm guessing I read about the book in the New York Times. I should check which reviewer so I am more skeptical of that person's reviews in the future. Amazon readers give it 4.5 stars and also say that this is the third book of a trilogy. I may have liked it more if I had started at book one.
January 17, 2013
I have come to realize that the term "beautifully written" does not mean the same thing to me as to others. I lose interest in a sentence takes up more than half a page.
I did like Agnes, and a few other characters, but never felt I got to know them. I read one review that says she "weaves history". Seemed to me that she plunked it down into the story.
I alternately could not put this book down and felt it would never end.
I did like Agnes, and a few other characters, but never felt I got to know them. I read one review that says she "weaves history". Seemed to me that she plunked it down into the story.
I alternately could not put this book down and felt it would never end.
March 7, 2011
I loved the writing in this book from the first page. Then I realized it was particular sentences I loved. Here's an example. It's Agnes, the protagonist, thinking: "But what on earth had possessed these people for whom she had been the best parent she could manage to be, for whom she had tried so hard to pretend wisdom, to mime adulthood--oh, Lord! Those children! Why weren't they safe by now? What were they doing? They rushed along through their lives, discarding the days like so many pieces of bad fish. It amazed her that they hadn't absorbed the idea--through all the time they spent growing up--of taking care, of guardedly harboring...Well! Why were they so careless of their own contentment? Why weren't they willing to be happy all the time?"
I love Agnes. She's wonderful all the way through. For me, the book tries too hard at times. Not only is it a family saga, it's a novel hoping to illuminate? elucidate? the 1950's. Occasionally it becomes a listing of fifties house styles, fifties poets, fifties politics. The title conveys the constraint of the midwestern middle class, but it's Lavinia, Agnes's daughter-in-law, not Agnes, who uses the term as everyone at a party ignores a guest's anti-semitic comments.
I agree with the reviewer who complained about the complexity of characters and their relaitonships. A family tree is absolutely necessary. I made my own, but shouldn't have had to. The book's wonderfulnesses are worth making this effort, though. And worth skimming the sections that feel more like lectures. The characters are so engrossing, and there were so many surprises as the plot unfolds. Enough said. They won't be surprises if I say what they are.
I love Agnes. She's wonderful all the way through. For me, the book tries too hard at times. Not only is it a family saga, it's a novel hoping to illuminate? elucidate? the 1950's. Occasionally it becomes a listing of fifties house styles, fifties poets, fifties politics. The title conveys the constraint of the midwestern middle class, but it's Lavinia, Agnes's daughter-in-law, not Agnes, who uses the term as everyone at a party ignores a guest's anti-semitic comments.
I agree with the reviewer who complained about the complexity of characters and their relaitonships. A family tree is absolutely necessary. I made my own, but shouldn't have had to. The book's wonderfulnesses are worth making this effort, though. And worth skimming the sections that feel more like lectures. The characters are so engrossing, and there were so many surprises as the plot unfolds. Enough said. They won't be surprises if I say what they are.
February 14, 2011
The Scofield family trilogy continues with a nostalgic look at post-WWII America in fictional Washburn, Ohio, following The Evidence Against Her and The Truth of the Matter.
The title comments on the conventions of polite society:
"But of course, being polite to Hitler was the way the world worked. It was what held society together, how people got through every single day. Everyone...held fast to propriety in the face of chaos, desperate etiquette in the face of despair and terror. The difficulty, though, was in realizing those rare occasions when it was, in fact, Hitler to whom you were extending such instinctive courtesy, and therefore it was time, at last, to abandon any niceties at all." p.160
The title comments on the conventions of polite society:
"But of course, being polite to Hitler was the way the world worked. It was what held society together, how people got through every single day. Everyone...held fast to propriety in the face of chaos, desperate etiquette in the face of despair and terror. The difficulty, though, was in realizing those rare occasions when it was, in fact, Hitler to whom you were extending such instinctive courtesy, and therefore it was time, at last, to abandon any niceties at all." p.160
January 25, 2011
The description of the mundane was astounding. I wished I had bought this book so that I could dog ear the pages containing passionately highlighted passages, ready for reading over and over. However, when the greater passage of time is marked, it reads a bit like a vague Christmas letter, losing the magic that was the early part of the book. It felt like the first third had been carefully loved, edited and perfected, whereas the final third felt as if it needed to somehow be wrapped up so highlights of the years were ticked off paragraph by paragraph. Worth the read and I will seek out others by this author.
April 22, 2011
I agree with other reviewers of this book who have said that there are too many characters. By about 1/2 way through I was starting to keep most of them straight although there were a few that were not primary to the story that would pop up and I'd have to go back to see how they were related. It was also a bit distracting when events unrelated to the main plot of the book were discussed. I understand they were discussed to paint a picture of events going on in America at the time but sometimes it just seemed out of place. Overall it was an interesting enough book but I can't say it was one of the better books I've ever read.
June 28, 2012
I was truly taken with this book, an exploration of characters and stories, against the unspoken devastations of history, the political weight we all bear from WWII and the ensuing silence, the unfinished business we need to finish of integrating the shock of the nuclear weapons used in this near past. Rarely do I find a hybrid of personal and political this convincing. And rarely has a novel made me think so much and awaken about what hasn't been said between generations.
June 2, 2011
I started this book, read 80 pages, decided to quit, read a opinion piece of it that recommended making a Family Tree of the characters and relationships. Sounds like work, but I was willing to give it a try. So, I started over - yes, I started at page one! And I loved the book! I highly recommend it, but make a relationship tree!
January 7, 2011
I fell in love with Robb's writing! I was captivated within the first few pages and I could not put it down. Being Polite to Hitler is hard to describe because it feels almost like it has a life of it's own. It has an unbelievably entertaining plot and great characters. Five stars.
April 16, 2011
I have read and loved everything by this author. she has a way of taking a seemingly ordinary story about ordinary people and exploring significant themes. her characters are alive, real, convincing.
June 23, 2011
I really wanted to put this book down, I'm not really sure why I kept reading. I enjoyed the historical references throughout the book (Sputnik, JKF assassination, Watergate, etc.) but the overall story was fairly bland. I wouldn't recommend reading it.
January 8, 2013
Not a memorable book, but a good example of how life speeds by. Too often we forget that it's not a dress rehearsal and all too soon, it's over.
April 18, 2018
This is the last of the Trilogy and covers 1953 through 1973 and moves along the same as the others with very realistic problems and thoughts of the Scofield Family and as the other two, is basically built around Agnes and her thoughts and feelings. This one feels a little more modern because of the years it covers and all the historic info is quite familiar to anyone of a certain age. I originally thought that young people would not be interested but have since revised my thoughts...I think it should possibly be read by young people as it is an easy way for them to educate themselves on the way things were from 1888 through 1973 and although it would certainly not be an in depth education it would at least teach them the highlights. The reason I'm thinking this is I just heard a news report that said it is amazing how little millennials actually know of our history; some don't even know what the Holocaust was. Very sad! Says nothing good about our education system.
Anyway, this trilogy didn't teach me anything since I lived through a good deal of it and was taught or read on my own the rest of it but it was a great reminder of the way things were and overall I enjoyed it. Since she had to do backtracking in each volume in case a reader had not read the entire series, it was a bit of a slow and cumbersome read but worth it. She has written other books that were not part of this trilogy and I'm going to try them to see if the writing is different.
Anyway, this trilogy didn't teach me anything since I lived through a good deal of it and was taught or read on my own the rest of it but it was a great reminder of the way things were and overall I enjoyed it. Since she had to do backtracking in each volume in case a reader had not read the entire series, it was a bit of a slow and cumbersome read but worth it. She has written other books that were not part of this trilogy and I'm going to try them to see if the writing is different.
May 4, 2018
Dew has enriched this book by interweaving the terrible throes of the wider world in the 1950s and 60s with the daily lives of the Scofields and others within this network of family and friends, as they grapple with the ordinary and difficult complications of being "the luckiest people on the planet." The writing is beautiful, the characters, compelling. It is not plot-driven, but life-driven, and reading this kind of book asks more of the reader than the throwaway summer read--but then our best books are rarely easy. Here's a quote near the end of the book that says in Dew's typically beautiful language what it's all been about: "But, of course, the everyday lives of all the separate people on earth continues in all their profound, mundane, and intimate details, shifting as need be to accommodate the natural and human events that constituted the atmosphere in which they lived. Some endured starvation, endless thirst, and brutality; others were lucky enough to worry about cancer and heart disease and their children's future. And some were aware, but most were not, that the particulars of every instant in the lives they led was all they could ever own." Is that not lovely? Robb Forman Dew is one of the best writers we have.
December 8, 2019
"Children were all over the place. Lily Butler didn't even try to keep them straight; she just started with a possibility and ran through the list of all the children's names she could remember until the child she was addressing signified that Lily had finally hit upon the one that belonged to him or her." This reader had a similar problem with the book....too many names of too many characters not developed adequately for caring.
April 15, 2025
A multi-generational family as a microcosm of the US in the 1950s. Occasionally this goes a little off track, but always comes back to its core characters. I don’t love the title, but I did like the scene it came from, which came to represent to me one of the central questions of the book: what happens when you don’t speak up, when you just try to smooth everything over with fake politeness? Obviously some of these characters do better at that than others. This could probably work as a stand-alone, but is definitely more powerful if you’ve read the other two Scofield books.
December 21, 2017
An interesting read based around 1850 - 1970 American history. I've just looked at the reviews and found this is the final book of a trilogy. Certainly a stand alone book. I won't bother with the previous ones.
November 16, 2017
Family in 1950s Ohio.
October 6, 2019
Good little read. Nothing too heavy.
March 30, 2021
Life in a small town in America 1950s- 1970s. 20 years and everyone knows everyone and their business.
Read
April 24, 2022good book - would recommend.
April 19, 2024
This was my least favorite of the series but I really enjoyed seeing through the characters to the end.
January 27, 2013
“Being Polite to Hitler” was an interesting book for me. The title is merely a comparison made when the Rosenberg execution becomes topic of conversation at a party. When one guest jokingly supports the act with references to “frying Jews,” Lavinia is appalled and speaks her mind. Her husband, Dwight, tries to smooth over the awkward, sudden silence by moving the conversation in another direction. But on the ride home, Lavinia's words are still on his mind, and she hasn't forgotten them either. Dwight and Lavinia are members of the Scofield family. Dwight is actually the younger brother of Agnes Scofield, the family's matriarch. Agnes raised him as a son, along with her own three children. The story begins in 1953 and spans two decades. I recommend keeping notes or a “family tree” while reading, so confusion about who's who won't bother you.
Through the years, the family dynamics evolve along with current events such as the atomic bombing, cold war,civil rights movement, and watergate. I found myself noticing parts throughout the story, and even reflecting back to scenes read before Lavinia made the comparison used for the book's title, where politeness in the form of silence was evident. One blatant example of this occurring was when Dwight takes Christmas cookies to a rude neighbor, who in turn offers him a spot in the family bomb shelter should the need arise. Of course there isn't room for everyone, so Dwight will have to leave his family behind. He politely thanks the neighbor for considering him, knowing that his profession as doctor was the reason for offering him refuge.
When Agnes, widowed for years, remarries a younger man this of course shocks her family. Sam, Agnes's new husband, at one time actually dated Betts, Agnes's daughter. Thankfully the family remains silent about any personal objections. When Lavinia and her daughters move in and out of Agnes's home to escape Dwight's alcoholism, Agnes keeps her concerns about the problems to herself.
This novel is written as a character study, rather than a plot-driven page turner. As mentioned I found it interesting to see how situations were handled, often with kid gloves, and I wondered … would I have reacted any differently under the same circumstances.
Through the years, the family dynamics evolve along with current events such as the atomic bombing, cold war,civil rights movement, and watergate. I found myself noticing parts throughout the story, and even reflecting back to scenes read before Lavinia made the comparison used for the book's title, where politeness in the form of silence was evident. One blatant example of this occurring was when Dwight takes Christmas cookies to a rude neighbor, who in turn offers him a spot in the family bomb shelter should the need arise. Of course there isn't room for everyone, so Dwight will have to leave his family behind. He politely thanks the neighbor for considering him, knowing that his profession as doctor was the reason for offering him refuge.
When Agnes, widowed for years, remarries a younger man this of course shocks her family. Sam, Agnes's new husband, at one time actually dated Betts, Agnes's daughter. Thankfully the family remains silent about any personal objections. When Lavinia and her daughters move in and out of Agnes's home to escape Dwight's alcoholism, Agnes keeps her concerns about the problems to herself.
This novel is written as a character study, rather than a plot-driven page turner. As mentioned I found it interesting to see how situations were handled, often with kid gloves, and I wondered … would I have reacted any differently under the same circumstances.
September 10, 2025
Major events of the '50's, '60's and '70's intertwine with a family in Ohio.
Fave quotes: "You think it would be better just to keep sitting there being polite to Hitler? You wouldn't want to be at a swanky dinner party…ambassadors and presidents…and in the middle of the first course, you wouldn't dream of embarrassing Hitler by mentioning anything as indelicate as the concentration camps...so you just talk about the weather in the Rhineland or the quality of the wonderful German beer...Good grief! But of course, being polite to Hitler was the way the world worked…what held society together…everyone he knew held fast to propriety in the face of chaos, desperate etiquette in the face of despair and terror. The difficulty, though, was in realizing those rare occasions when it was in fact, Hitler to whom you were extending such instinctive courtesy and therefore it was time, at last to abandon any niceties at all."
"It was about reclaiming and staking her own desires after the long years of their being defined by the people to and for whom she felt responsible. She realized she had become indifferent to anyone else's opinion of her...disengaged in the effort to sway them to view her favorably, because finally she had figured out it was impossible. People either liked you or they didn't, according to their own needs."
Fave quotes: "You think it would be better just to keep sitting there being polite to Hitler? You wouldn't want to be at a swanky dinner party…ambassadors and presidents…and in the middle of the first course, you wouldn't dream of embarrassing Hitler by mentioning anything as indelicate as the concentration camps...so you just talk about the weather in the Rhineland or the quality of the wonderful German beer...Good grief! But of course, being polite to Hitler was the way the world worked…what held society together…everyone he knew held fast to propriety in the face of chaos, desperate etiquette in the face of despair and terror. The difficulty, though, was in realizing those rare occasions when it was in fact, Hitler to whom you were extending such instinctive courtesy and therefore it was time, at last to abandon any niceties at all."
"It was about reclaiming and staking her own desires after the long years of their being defined by the people to and for whom she felt responsible. She realized she had become indifferent to anyone else's opinion of her...disengaged in the effort to sway them to view her favorably, because finally she had figured out it was impossible. People either liked you or they didn't, according to their own needs."
April 6, 2011
Another character study, another so/so review by me. I need plot! I crave plot! And this was a meandering family with a few other people thrown in for good measure (a little randomly and unnecessarily, if you ask me)--and I couldn't keep the straight there were so many characters. First I will admit, the title threw me. I thought this would be about WWII, one of my favorite times to learn about. But no. It was about Ohio (with a little Maine thrown in for good measure--which I did love! Props to Maine!) and a family and their issues and resolutions, but especially about the matriarch. I kept waiting for something to happen. For something to come out in the open--even at the end I was hoping something brought everything together, but no. The writing was beautiful, which made me like the end of the story. The words were just beautiful, and while that would be enough for some, I just need other things from my books. Recommended for people who like character/period studies. This main character was likable, so that's a plus! Just not for people like me, who need a bit of plot to keep the story moving.
November 23, 2012
This was a very dull book - I kept waiting for it to get more interesting and then suddenly it was finished. Nothing really happens, it simply details some of the minutiae of several wealthy Americans living in a provincial American town. They argue, drink lots of alcohol, eat a lot and not one of them is a likeable or engaging character.
I suspect that I was not the target audience for this book. Being non-American and being born in the 1980's made the context and setting of the book unfamiliar and hard to engage with or relate to. Although, that being said, much of the historical context was drawn in near the end, with the enevitable watershed being "What were you doing when JFK was shot?".
This is a book about how people live and interact with family, in the small scale, rather than a book about people living and doing in their general lives. I suspect if one is a fan of comedies of manners (or is an American born before JFK was shot), one might get some enjoyment out of this book.
I suspect that I was not the target audience for this book. Being non-American and being born in the 1980's made the context and setting of the book unfamiliar and hard to engage with or relate to. Although, that being said, much of the historical context was drawn in near the end, with the enevitable watershed being "What were you doing when JFK was shot?".
This is a book about how people live and interact with family, in the small scale, rather than a book about people living and doing in their general lives. I suspect if one is a fan of comedies of manners (or is an American born before JFK was shot), one might get some enjoyment out of this book.
December 22, 2011
The reason for the title explains the whole book; it's about the Scofield family in Washburn, Ohio just after WWII. Middle America in the 50's at its best and worst. Agnes Scofield, widowed with 3 grown children, Claytor, Betts and Howard and her younger brother, Dwight, whom she has raised as a son, has decided she wants to retire from teaching. The story is in the details of life, and how they relate to each other and the times. Dwight's wife, Lavinia, loses her temper with the refusal of the rest of the clan to confront current events(Rosenberg trial) by accusing the family at dinner,"What's the matter with the rest of you? You think it would be better just to keep sitting there being polite to Hitler?" There are a few slow moments to catch the reader up on history, but I really enjoyed Agnes and her family as they move forward dealing with life as it is.
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