Dont call that man: a survival guide to letting go

by Rhonda Findling

There is life after a failed relationship, as long as you Don't Call That Man! . In this inspirational, revolutionary guide to letting go and moving on after the trauma of a breakup, psychotherapist Rhonda Findling teaches women how to triumph over the almost obsessive urge to pick up the phone.

With its prescriptive, easy-to-follow approach, Don't Call That Man! is an indispensable tool for weathering the pain of heartbreak. It features simple exercises that provide an emotional outlet for a difficult process; charts that schedule free time away from the telephone; and much more,

-Moving on from a ruined relationship
-What is an ambivalent man, and how do you get over him?
-Mothers, fathers and men
-Building and using a support system
-The 10-Step program to not call that man

Step-by-step, from heartache to healing, Don't Call That Man! is a map on how to heal the pain of a lost love; how to overcome feelings of neediness and desperation; and above all, how to regain focus on what's important and it's not calling that man. It's the perfect book to embrace on the way to a new and more gratifying relationship.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction

Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

Rhonda Findling, MA,CRC is an internationally acclaimed psychotherapist and author with a private practice in Forest Hills and Manhattan (New York City). She has been in private practice 17 years(full time 10 years). She was a staff psychotherapist at Postgraduate Center for Mental Health in New York for 15 years. She taught courses on psychology and counseling at Marymount College. Rhonda has worked as a psychologist for the State of New York for three years . She was a counselor at Victims Information Bureau where she counseled victims of rape, sexual assault and spouse abuse.

Rhonda has appeared as a relationship expert on several national talk shows including Ilanya, Ricki Lake, Geraldo, Maury Povitch, Good Day New York, Judith Regan Tonight , and Eye Witness News. Rhonda has also been featured on radio shows nationwide.

Rhonda has led "Don't Call That Man!" workshops and seminars throughout the world including Paris, Berlin, Leeds and Glastonbury,England. She has also presented at the Learning Annex, 92nd St. Y and Hazelden. She has been featured in the "New York Post", "Newsday", " Los Angeles Times", "Cosmopolitan Magaine","Denver Rocky Mountain News", and "Today's Black Woman." Her articles have appeared in "Essence" magazine, "Complete Woman" and "Mouthpiece" (the newsletter for the New York State Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers).

Rhonda is a member of the National Speakers Association, the Dramatist Guild, the New York State Psychological Association, the American Screenwriters Association and is recognized in Who's Who in America.

Rhonda is the author of the play "The Psychic" that was produced by Caicedo Productions and Doubletime Productions at the American Theatre of Actors in New York City November 1996. The Psychic also had a staged reading at the Nuyorican Poetry Cafe in New York City August 1997. She has taken classes in directing, screenwriting, and filmmaking at New School University and Film and Video Arts Inc. She studied acting at HB Studios, Stella Adler Studio Of Acting in New York City , and with William H Macy in Chicago. She's appeared in several community theatre productions on Long island, New York and two off-off Broadway productions in Chicago.

Reviews

[Chriss · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was on a kick of buying every kind of dating book out there after going through a rough breakup recently and this was one of those that looked promising. There was some good points however it probably didn't really apply to me because I wasn't calling him. I did need to hear the part about not wasting my time on an ambivalant man though so for that is was worth it.

[Chou2811 · Rating 3 out of 5]

tình cờ tìm được thôi thì coi như tín hiệu vũ trụ ;))

[The Bookish · Rating 5 out of 5]

EEE📖. Titre : Quand C'est Fini, C'est Fini.
✍️. Écrivaine : Rhonda Findling.
🌼. Pages: 216.
✨. Genre: Développement Personnel.
⭐. Note: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐.

Pour plusieurs femmes, la perte d'un amour signifie souffrir et avoir mal. Trop de femmes autonomes matériellement conservent des relations abusives sur les plans émotionnel et physique parce qu'elles ont peur de lâcher prise et de rester sur le carreau.

La solitude en elle même ne pose pas de problèmes en vrai! Je crois qu'il vaut mieux être seule que mal accompagnée ! Éloignez vous de ce cercle vicieux qui vous oblige de rester enfermé dans une relation toxique juste pour éviter les critiques des gens négatifs ! Vous faites semblant d'êtres heureuses et vous souriez juste pour se sentir mieux dans le regard des gens c'est tout et là c'est très grave. Vous devez être votre première priorité, votre santé morale passe surtout avant tout le monde.

Le fait de courir derrière un homme qui vous a déjà refusé va écraser votre dignité. Vous devez comprendre que qu'on c'est fini c'est fini, passez votre chemin sans recul ! La vie n'attend personne sinon ça sera trop tard, vous allez rater pas mal de chances.
Au lieu d'être avec une personne qui est vraiment là pour vous , qui vous écoute sans cesse et qui vous aime de bon cœur, vous gaspillez votre temps en essayant d'appeler une personne toxique qui s'en fou totalement de vous. Ça c'est totalement dingue et inadmissible! Si vous êtes dans une situation pareille et vous n'avez pas pu accepter la rupture alors vous devez immédiatement lire ce guide.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book. I am not a white trash girl who catches all the garbage and creates her own drama. I'm a successful woman with an education, just REALLY bad taste in men. I read this right after I broke up with my ex of 8 miserable on and off years. It helped me understand why I should stay away, why this guy was bad for me and why I deserved to be treated normally. It also forced me to make a list of 'must haves' that started out pathetic, i.e. must have s job, must have their license, must not have gone to jail etc. to now having things like, must be ambitious, healthy, have or earning a graduate degree and be open minded. I stayed single and healed for the two months I slowly read through the book and did all the writing exercises. It literally changed the way I think about things and I am currently dating a great guy that meets ALL of my must haves and is NONE of the awful things my ex was. YAY!

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

After a breakup, this goes with the cigarettes and wine.

[Angelica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Certainly a good little book to have nearby when those urges to call an ex arise. It is more suitable for short-term relationships though, and not very helpful if one is getting out of a longer term serious relationship. But it is a quick read, and helpful to know that the urges are common, if not normal, and to be reminded that an ex is an ex for a reason and ultimately not worth the time and effort we women waste thinking about them.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, so its a little embarassing to admit that I needed this book -- admitting a weakness in never comfortable -- BUT, it was great and worked and every time I felt the urge to call, I read a little snippet and it reminded why I really *did not* want to. After a while, I no longer needed the book - which is a good thing! Unfortunately, I gave it to Goodwill after I got married, but I wish I would have kept it to pass on to friends.

[Julie Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Embarrassing that I've read this and that I like it and think of it as helpful. But I like it nonetheless and it's right no matter how pathetic it is that I have to read a book to remind me of what I already know. Thank you very much to the person that loaned it to me, whoever you are. =)

[josaleeni · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are at all attracted to the title of this book, you should probably read it!

[Prana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Se trata de un libro corto y fácil de leer que incluye todo lo que una MUJER que sufre de obsesión-compulsión por una relación recientemente rota. Ojo: no es un libro docto o de gran profundidad teórica sino un manual práctico, que encuentro bastante amigable para armar grupos de apoyo con bastantes preguntas que pueden ser aplicadas tal como están, o adaptarlas y/o seleccionarlas de acuerdo a lo que se requiera.
Es un libro corto, simple, un tanto predecible, un poco repetitivo, pero quien ha conocido a alguien en ese estado emocional, sabe que aunque hay mucha más profundidad que se puede explorar en un proceso profesional de psicoterapia, lo que dice el libro es una propuesta práctica y realista de lo que se atraviesa en un proceso de sanación emocional de esta índole y de lo que se requiere para superar la crisis del evento. Si podemos apreciar su simpleza, pero su apego al problema que aborda, será una buena herramienta.
Hago la mención de que es un libro escrito por una mujer para mujeres, no parece ni siquiera considerar que un hombre pudiera pasar por un evento similar, pero bueno, como digo, el objetivo que la autora se puso se cumple aún estando la población tan acotado a esta audiencia.
Algo adicional que encuentro valioso del libro, es que seguramente puede apoyar a una lectora en solitario, la verdadera efectividad del mensaje basa su poder en la propuesta de crear grupos o redes de apoyo (lo cual me parece muy efectivo), pero también enfatiza fuertemente la valía de acudir a ayuda profesional de terapia para tratar los temas sin resolver que pueden provocar caer en este tipo de problemática. Como lo mencioné antes, me parece un buen acervo de preguntas que son valiosas para aplicar en los muchos casos que llegan a consulta con una pena de esta naturaleza.

[John Caron · Rating 2 out of 5]

Repetitive and superficial

I read this all the way through...I think it could have been written even shorter. The info is basic and good enough. Don't call. But the level of healing is pretty basic...I guess it's a good sign post to get deeper help elsewhere.

[Takius · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lectura rápida y sencilla. La teoría la ejemplifica con ejemplos de vivencias de pacientes y luego da tareas concretar para llevar a la reflexión.
Es un libro practico y concreto con recomendaciones para no caer en la tentación de llamar a tu ex.

[Raluca Micu · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very insightful book!

I have recognised myself in so many of the women and also recognised so many of my childhood issues in the pages of this book.

[Leah Sidell · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this self-help, non-fiction text that mentors woman of letting go of a relationship, the author Rhonda Findling uses a comforting, yet relatively assertive tone to guide her readers on how to move on after the agony of breakup. The author teaches women how to cope with their desperation of a painful relationship and break out of the obsessive cycle of calling him over and over again.

The author uses a forceful tone well in her book to teach woman how to handle a break up in a healthy way. In step 5 of the author's 10-step program on not to call that man she says,"think of the negative consequences that can result from the contact. Avoid thinking of any positive memories at this moment. Don’t romanticize the relationship. In fact, think of all the negative qualities of your ex. Remember the times you were dissatisfied with the relationship with him.Even though they might seem Think of the negative consequences that can result from the contact. Avoid thinking of any positive memories at this moment. Don’t romanticize the relationship. In fact, think of all the negative qualities of your ex. Remember the times you were dissatisfied with the relationship with him". This is a great representation of the author sounding demanding, but yet wants woman to learn that they deserve the best and they don't to settle. The author wants woman to be able to have the strength to walk away if they need to. Sometimes being stern with woman is the best way for them to listen.

The author takes her readers from heartbreak to healing by giving advice on how to resist from picking up the phone and calling. She is passionate about giving woman other alternatives to keep their mind busy.She allows her readers to feel relaxed and have a sense of relief, by advising them to do writing exercises about why they want to call him and then reminding them to focus on his flaws. Rhonda portrays confidence and strength by letting woman know they don't need a man that causes them pain and that they are going to be okay and they will find a more delightful relationship.

This text has a lot of useful exercises that teaches relaxation and helps the mind focus on something else when it is having a negative thought. I can use it during a mini lesson by doing a calming exercise to let students get all the bad thoughts out of their minds and be able to relax. Sometimes school becomes really stressful and students don't have a moment to be able to take a deep breath and empty their stressful thoughts. I would have my students go sit outside take a deep breath and just write about something that has been bothering them or something that made them extremely happy. This will allow the students to let out what ever emotion they are feeling and share it with their classmates. By letting the students sit outside they are in nature, which is really calming and they will be able to smell the fresh air and hear the birds and just take a break from the constant noise in the school building.

[Carla Kaiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me make it through that first week after a breakup. It is easy to read (no psychobabble buzzwords or academic mumbo jumbo). Using straightforward language, the author points out common ways that most women deal with breakups, and why it is in my best interest to not call that man. Besides telling us what not to do, she also provides examples of things we can do to speed up the process of getting over the ex.

It's a simple strategy that any woman with a shred of self respect can handle. I am a bit of a relationship book junkie, and this is one of the best I've read so far. It's up there with Manslations, Why Men Love Bitches, Return to Love, So Long Insecurity, and the Vortex.

[Neatia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of the principles outlined in the book seem obvious, but it's still useful for someone who is going through a breakup and trying to let go. While it's nearly twenty years old, many of the psychological principles hold up. A further note in response to some of the more negative comments: it never said that all women were clingy, or that your parents are definitely the source of all psychological trouble. The book is addressed to women who are clingy and want help to stop, and the book only said that parents may be the source. There is a big difference. I wish this book had a section for platonic or familial relationships, but that absence is hardly unusual.

[Laurieculleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a bad breakup my Mother bought this book for me. It is very helpful. It really makes you think about how important you are and how to overcome the pain. Too bad I am stubborn and did not listen to the author's advice. I would have saved a lot of time.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover is aweful but the contents are well written with excellent journal questions. It is an easy read and is a good pre read to Women Who Love Too Much, which is excellent but more meaty and dense. The two can go together with this one making Norwood's book more accessible.

[Janie · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting. good exercises to work through feelings from a ended relationship.

[Horace · Rating 2 out of 5]

Light & fluffy but I enjoyed it.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. It was very funny and very helpful.

[victoria hampton · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was good for women who want to know why a man doesn't call. I found it somewhat sexist.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know it is tempting but . . .

[Sonja H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for any woman who is trying to resist the urge to call. Explains the why behind the desire and what to do about it.

[Ericka]

Good Book

[Krissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to my sister who let me borrow this book! It was such a great book.. at the time I probably wanted to throw it at the wall, but it really was helpful!

[Andrea]

Stumbled across an old list I used to keep of books read. Adding this one to my Goodreads bookshelf, though I read it 12 years ago. I dimly recall it being helpful?

[Barbara Zortman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read...for obvious reasons...the title says it all.

[Fina Tams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book! I am currently practicing this book. It's hard to let him go

[Michelle]

Read this in 2002 when I kept a paper reading journal with only two categories: I liked this more than I like most books (it stands out), and I didn't like this. This book was marked that I didn't like it.