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Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide
“Linda Sexton’s beautiful book is a cry for health and sanity . . . It explains the way suicide blights families from generation to generation.” ―Erica Jong After the agony of witnessing her mothers multiple―and ultimately successful―suicide attempts, Linda Gray Sexton, daughter of the acclaimed poet Anne Sexton, struggles with an engulfing undertow of depression. Here, with powerful, unsparing prose, Sexton conveys her urgent need to escape the legacy of suicide that consumed her family―a topic rarely explored, even today, in such poignant depth. Linda Gray Sexton tries multiple times to kill herself―even though as a daughter, sister, wife, and most importantly, a mother, she knows the pain her act would cause. But unlike her mother’s story, Linda’s is ultimately one of triumph. Through the help of family, therapy, and medicine, she confronts deep-seated issues and curbs the haunting cycle of suicide she once seemed destined to inherit. “This book looks into the workings of the suicidal mind in a way that isn’t easily forgotten, raising provocative questions about how we approach and treat the severely mentally ill.” ― The New York Times Book Review “With brutal honesty and total lack of self-pity or sentimentality, Linda Sexton has dared to explore a subject more taboo than almost any not only suicide, but what comes after, for its survivors. This is a book that will speak to anyone touched by the suicide of someone we knew or loved―as so many of us have been.” ―Joyce Maynard, New York Times bestselling author
336 pages, Hardcover
First published September 14, 2010
27 people are currently reading
1890 people want to read
About the author
Linda Gray Sexton
20 books76 followersLinda Gray Sexton was born in Newton, Massachusetts in 1953. As the daughter of the Pulitzer Prize-winning poet, Anne Sexton, she grew up in a home filled with books and words and an attention to language, and at an early age she, too, began to write. Afternoons were sometimes spent together with her mother, reading aloud from Anne’s favorite poems.
By the time Linda was an adolescent, she had begun to write poetry and short fiction seriously, and spent many special hours curled up on the sofa in Anne’s study, discussing her own fledgling work as well as her mother’s growing oeuvre. Gradually, Anne began to rely on her daughter’s opinions, and dubbed Linda, “my greatest critic.”
Linda graduated from Harvard in 1975 with a degree in literature, and then continued to live in the Boston area. After the death of her mother, Linda became the literary executor of the estate at twenty-one years old and edited several posthumous books of her mother’s poetry, as well as publishing "Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters."
Concentrating at last fully on fiction, she published her first novel, "Rituals," in 1981; "Mirror Images," "Points of Light" and "Private Acts" followed over a ten year period. Points of Light was made into a Hallmark Hall of Fame Special for CBS television and was translated into thirteen languages.
Linda married in 1979, and converted to Judaism before her wedding. She and her husband moved to Manhattan in 1982, when he graduated from the Harvard Business School. In New York
she made a very brief foray into the world of writing soap opera, though throughout she stayed devoted to her love of fiction. But her most important work was raising her two sons, who were born in 1983 and 1984.
Linda left her lifelong home of the east coast in the spring of 1989, and moved her family to Northern California, just in time for the 7.1 Loma Prieta earthquake. There, while working in a soup kitchen, becoming Bat Mitzvah, and running a Meals on Wheels program for her temple, she finished her first memoir, "Searching for Mercy Street: My Journey Back to My Mother," Anne Sexton," which was named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and was optioned by Miramax Films.
Having tea with film director Martin Scorsese in his home and discussing his interest in her book was a high point of Linda’s career as a writer. "Searching for Mercy Street" was reissued by Counterpoint Press in April 2011.
On the West Coast, with a big enough backyard at last, Linda added three Dalmatians to her family—the type of pet she had when she was a child. She developed a passion for showing them in both the breed and obedience rings, and she bred and then whelped four litters of puppies on her own and began to consider herself a "breeder."
She and her new husband, Brad Clink, are avid sailors on the San Francisco Bay and own a sloop named Mercy Street.
Sexton's second memoir, "Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide," is about her struggle with her own mental illness and the legacy of suicide left to her by her mother and her mother’s family. Through the help of family, therapy and medicine, Linda confronted deep-seated issues, outlived her mother and curbed the haunting cycle of suicide she once seemed destined to inherit.
She has finished a new memoir now, one that details her childhood family's life, as well as her own adulthood, as reflected through their relationship with Dalmatians over the years. BESPOTTED: MY FAMILY'S LOVE AFFAIR WITH THIRTY-EIGHT DALMATIANS will be published On September 7, 2014 by Counterpoint Press.
She is now at work on a new novel and lives with her Dalmatians Breeze, Cody and Mac in the Bay Area of San Francisco. Mac is the cover model for the photo on the jacket cover of BESPOTTED.
Visit Linda on her website at lindagraysexton.com
By the time Linda was an adolescent, she had begun to write poetry and short fiction seriously, and spent many special hours curled up on the sofa in Anne’s study, discussing her own fledgling work as well as her mother’s growing oeuvre. Gradually, Anne began to rely on her daughter’s opinions, and dubbed Linda, “my greatest critic.”
Linda graduated from Harvard in 1975 with a degree in literature, and then continued to live in the Boston area. After the death of her mother, Linda became the literary executor of the estate at twenty-one years old and edited several posthumous books of her mother’s poetry, as well as publishing "Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters."
Concentrating at last fully on fiction, she published her first novel, "Rituals," in 1981; "Mirror Images," "Points of Light" and "Private Acts" followed over a ten year period. Points of Light was made into a Hallmark Hall of Fame Special for CBS television and was translated into thirteen languages.
Linda married in 1979, and converted to Judaism before her wedding. She and her husband moved to Manhattan in 1982, when he graduated from the Harvard Business School. In New York
she made a very brief foray into the world of writing soap opera, though throughout she stayed devoted to her love of fiction. But her most important work was raising her two sons, who were born in 1983 and 1984.
Linda left her lifelong home of the east coast in the spring of 1989, and moved her family to Northern California, just in time for the 7.1 Loma Prieta earthquake. There, while working in a soup kitchen, becoming Bat Mitzvah, and running a Meals on Wheels program for her temple, she finished her first memoir, "Searching for Mercy Street: My Journey Back to My Mother," Anne Sexton," which was named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and was optioned by Miramax Films.
Having tea with film director Martin Scorsese in his home and discussing his interest in her book was a high point of Linda’s career as a writer. "Searching for Mercy Street" was reissued by Counterpoint Press in April 2011.
On the West Coast, with a big enough backyard at last, Linda added three Dalmatians to her family—the type of pet she had when she was a child. She developed a passion for showing them in both the breed and obedience rings, and she bred and then whelped four litters of puppies on her own and began to consider herself a "breeder."
She and her new husband, Brad Clink, are avid sailors on the San Francisco Bay and own a sloop named Mercy Street.
Sexton's second memoir, "Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide," is about her struggle with her own mental illness and the legacy of suicide left to her by her mother and her mother’s family. Through the help of family, therapy and medicine, Linda confronted deep-seated issues, outlived her mother and curbed the haunting cycle of suicide she once seemed destined to inherit.
She has finished a new memoir now, one that details her childhood family's life, as well as her own adulthood, as reflected through their relationship with Dalmatians over the years. BESPOTTED: MY FAMILY'S LOVE AFFAIR WITH THIRTY-EIGHT DALMATIANS will be published On September 7, 2014 by Counterpoint Press.
She is now at work on a new novel and lives with her Dalmatians Breeze, Cody and Mac in the Bay Area of San Francisco. Mac is the cover model for the photo on the jacket cover of BESPOTTED.
Visit Linda on her website at lindagraysexton.com
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May 24, 2011
From my review on Psychology Today.com
As someone who's battled life-long major depression, I thought I knew enough about the depths of despair to which this illness can send you. And then I read Linda Sexton's painfully explicit, at times claustrophobic, yet surefooted and ultimately redemptive memoir Half in Love, Surviving the Legacy of Suicide. When I put down Sexton's book, I had a profound new understanding of the extent to which unipolar depression, my diagnosis, is the milder second cousin to the bipolar variety. This memoir leaves no doubt of the extreme danger confered by the massive mood swings of bipolar disorder, particularly the high risk of suicide. It's one thing to know it, it's quite another to see it through Linda Sexton's eyes as the child of a bipolar mother for whom death was both a demanding creative muse and Linda's main rival for her mother's attention.
Linda Sexton begins her story on the evening of her first suicide attempt, when she takes narcotic pills and slits her wrists in the bath tub of her family home while her husband was away on business and her teenage sons slept in their rooms down the hall. As she sinks into unconsciousness, Linda remembers in vain the promise she made to them to never do what her own mother, the poet Anne Sexton, had done to her, and then proceeds to nearly do it. The author describes her loss of resolve with heartbreaking honesty.
"I was ready, at last, to cheat on love. Ready to renege on assurances that now felt as if they had been too easily given to everyone-children, husband, sister, father, friends. Immersed in communing with my mother, I became a small child that night, a vulnerable daughter. She seemed right then to hover in the room, guiding me. I knew that when I finished, she would be waiting to fold me into her arms, and I would go home with her one more time."
The next scene, appropriately, brings us back to the morning in 1974, when, as a 21 year old college senior, Linda learns that her mother, by then a Pulitzer Prize winning cultural darling, has finally, after innumerable attempts, succeeded in killing herself by carbon monoxide poisoning in the family garage.
Over the next several chapters, Linda recounts her later childhood and teen years at the hands of this often loving, but wildly inconsistent mother. By the time the author returns to the night of her own suicide attempt, she is forty-five years old, and we are not a bit surprised to learn that she has reached the same age as Anne Sexton when she took her life...so strongly has Linda brought us into her visceral experience of being the adoring, insecure daughter who identifies completely with a beautiful, vivacious, but helplessly narcissistic parent. The fact that it is Anne Sexton's bipolar disorder--never properly diagnosed or treated--producing this deranged parenting is never far from the reader's consciousness. The daughter well understands her mother's feelings of hopelessness; within months Linda receives the same diagnosis.
Linda Sexton's journey to recovery is well worth reading for itself. But because of whom her mother was, Linda's story offers us other insights. After reading Half in Love, I re-read some of Anne Sexton's poetry, and watched some videos of her readings from the 1960s, performances that are now easily accessible on U-Tube. I also read with dismay the review given Half in Love in the New York Times in February of this year. While it is mostly positive, the reviewer ends bizarrely by lamenting that Linda Gray Sexton is not a carbon copy of her mother, writing:
"There is, however, no getting around the fact that Sexton never becomes as compelling a character as her mother was... Even when she was sickest, Anne Sexton managed to create a vibrant world around herself, never losing her status as a figure to be reckoned with."
About Linda Sexton's book this critic writes, "There is a surprising blandness to her sensibility, and her cause isn't helped by overwrought language and hackneyed therapy-speak."
Well, gee, I thought, should we really be surprised that the story of someone in recovery isn't nearly as "compelling" as that of someone who is destroying the people she loves while self-medicating and, thanks to her mania, giving riveting performances of suicidal poetry all over the world? The poetry of Anne Sexton is startling and beautiful; just as she was. But what Linda's story finally makes clear is that her mother could barely get to her desk, let alone write something beautiful when she was in one of her long stretches of depression, which would frequently go on for months. I couldn't help but wonder...aren't we beyond the idiocy that says mental illness and great art somehow need each other? I had hoped so.
I highly recommend Half in Love, Surving the Legacy of Suicide. The good news Linda Gray Sexton offers in her final chapter is the arrival of her own hard won stability. And then, in a touching and beautifully rendered scene, she shares the conversation she has with her two now grown sons, in which she asks their forgiveness and speaks openly about the illness for which they too are at high risk. The fact that this conversation happens at all offers real hope that the legacy of suicide will, at least in this family, finally be halted.
As someone who's battled life-long major depression, I thought I knew enough about the depths of despair to which this illness can send you. And then I read Linda Sexton's painfully explicit, at times claustrophobic, yet surefooted and ultimately redemptive memoir Half in Love, Surviving the Legacy of Suicide. When I put down Sexton's book, I had a profound new understanding of the extent to which unipolar depression, my diagnosis, is the milder second cousin to the bipolar variety. This memoir leaves no doubt of the extreme danger confered by the massive mood swings of bipolar disorder, particularly the high risk of suicide. It's one thing to know it, it's quite another to see it through Linda Sexton's eyes as the child of a bipolar mother for whom death was both a demanding creative muse and Linda's main rival for her mother's attention.
Linda Sexton begins her story on the evening of her first suicide attempt, when she takes narcotic pills and slits her wrists in the bath tub of her family home while her husband was away on business and her teenage sons slept in their rooms down the hall. As she sinks into unconsciousness, Linda remembers in vain the promise she made to them to never do what her own mother, the poet Anne Sexton, had done to her, and then proceeds to nearly do it. The author describes her loss of resolve with heartbreaking honesty.
"I was ready, at last, to cheat on love. Ready to renege on assurances that now felt as if they had been too easily given to everyone-children, husband, sister, father, friends. Immersed in communing with my mother, I became a small child that night, a vulnerable daughter. She seemed right then to hover in the room, guiding me. I knew that when I finished, she would be waiting to fold me into her arms, and I would go home with her one more time."
The next scene, appropriately, brings us back to the morning in 1974, when, as a 21 year old college senior, Linda learns that her mother, by then a Pulitzer Prize winning cultural darling, has finally, after innumerable attempts, succeeded in killing herself by carbon monoxide poisoning in the family garage.
Over the next several chapters, Linda recounts her later childhood and teen years at the hands of this often loving, but wildly inconsistent mother. By the time the author returns to the night of her own suicide attempt, she is forty-five years old, and we are not a bit surprised to learn that she has reached the same age as Anne Sexton when she took her life...so strongly has Linda brought us into her visceral experience of being the adoring, insecure daughter who identifies completely with a beautiful, vivacious, but helplessly narcissistic parent. The fact that it is Anne Sexton's bipolar disorder--never properly diagnosed or treated--producing this deranged parenting is never far from the reader's consciousness. The daughter well understands her mother's feelings of hopelessness; within months Linda receives the same diagnosis.
Linda Sexton's journey to recovery is well worth reading for itself. But because of whom her mother was, Linda's story offers us other insights. After reading Half in Love, I re-read some of Anne Sexton's poetry, and watched some videos of her readings from the 1960s, performances that are now easily accessible on U-Tube. I also read with dismay the review given Half in Love in the New York Times in February of this year. While it is mostly positive, the reviewer ends bizarrely by lamenting that Linda Gray Sexton is not a carbon copy of her mother, writing:
"There is, however, no getting around the fact that Sexton never becomes as compelling a character as her mother was... Even when she was sickest, Anne Sexton managed to create a vibrant world around herself, never losing her status as a figure to be reckoned with."
About Linda Sexton's book this critic writes, "There is a surprising blandness to her sensibility, and her cause isn't helped by overwrought language and hackneyed therapy-speak."
Well, gee, I thought, should we really be surprised that the story of someone in recovery isn't nearly as "compelling" as that of someone who is destroying the people she loves while self-medicating and, thanks to her mania, giving riveting performances of suicidal poetry all over the world? The poetry of Anne Sexton is startling and beautiful; just as she was. But what Linda's story finally makes clear is that her mother could barely get to her desk, let alone write something beautiful when she was in one of her long stretches of depression, which would frequently go on for months. I couldn't help but wonder...aren't we beyond the idiocy that says mental illness and great art somehow need each other? I had hoped so.
I highly recommend Half in Love, Surving the Legacy of Suicide. The good news Linda Gray Sexton offers in her final chapter is the arrival of her own hard won stability. And then, in a touching and beautifully rendered scene, she shares the conversation she has with her two now grown sons, in which she asks their forgiveness and speaks openly about the illness for which they too are at high risk. The fact that this conversation happens at all offers real hope that the legacy of suicide will, at least in this family, finally be halted.
August 26, 2011
I have pretty complicated reactions to this book, and so I'm going to do something new for me: I'm going to review the book before rating it, in hopes I can come to a better understanding of why it will earn what I eventually rate it. I suppose that that, in itself, is a compliment: this memoir does provoke thought, and Ms Sexton addresses a complicated issue with courage and forthrightness. But for me, that wasn't enough. Sexton doesn't seem to acknowledge that she's an incredibly needy person, and portrays her self-absorption as a symptom of her depression without pausing to wonder whether it exists independently of her disease. It's terrible what her mother did to her, and while it's noble of Sexton to forgive her mother, it boggles my mind that she identifies more with the dead woman than with her living relatives. She has intense abandonment issues and there, more than anywhere, does her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder ring true: the people she deems to have abandoned her are either romanticized (her mom) or vilified (Dr Ben.) The one exception is her ex-husband, but given that his constant presence in her life, even if not in the form she'd prefer, makes it less of an abandonment than a renegotiation of their relationship, means she can't pigeonhole him as easily.
And I think that's my main problem here. Sexton prefers to pigeonhole others rather than do any more than pay lip service to empathizing with them. She talks about what her sister or dad must feel, then proceeds to whine about how their feelings just make her feel worse. Instead of accepting that other people's viewpoints and emotions are valid, too, she complains that no one cares enough for her to read her mind and give her what she needs, which is especially confounding because it's pretty clear that she is not only incapable of telling them, but often hasn't the slightest clue what she needs herself. She also seems to find it difficult to hold two opposed ideas in her head and still function. "I want to talk about my mother with my sister because it will make me feel better" battles "My sister does not want to talk about my mother with me because it will make her feel worse" in her head, and she collapses, incapable of understanding that both of these are valid viewpoints. Possibly the only people she doesn't blame for being nurturing enough are her children. But come on, lady. You're a grown woman. There's a difference between expecting support from your family and friends (even when you push them away while silently wishing they would stay closer: that isn't depression, that's being passive-aggressive) and expecting them to accommodate their lives to yours. I sympathize with her depression, I really do, but I am unconvinced that her narcissism and sense of inevitable victimhood are inextricably linked to it: if anything, I can see how her depression comes about as a result of her being, on the one hand, so full of herself, and on the other, not knowing how to cast herself as the hero of her own life without also being its martyr.
I did appreciate her exploration of suicide as a legacy, and am inclined to agree with her conclusions, though I think her kids have a point in believing themselves buffered by the much healthier childhood they had in comparison to hers. But I don't think it was just her mother's suicide that damaged her so badly. Her mother wasn't just depressed: she was abusive, needy, manipulative, alcoholic, and overall a rather nasty person. That Sexton continues to choose to identify with her mother the abuser(or as Joy very aptly puts it "to slide into her shoes") rather than with the other survivors of her mother's damaging life is telling, and what I think she needs to focus on in order to make herself better. She isn't completely unthinking -- she did manage to raise what seem like two well-adjusted kids -- but I think she's dancing around the real problem, which she does mention several times while never doing anything positive to tackle it, of her over-identification with her mother.
I definitely finished this book the wiser for having read it, but I don't think I'd ever read it again. It's not that the subject is too dark, but Sexton still has a long way to go to become the kind of person I'd find worthy of my time (i.e. someone less passive-aggressive and needy.) Her honesty about her depression doesn't make her less of an obnoxious personality to me: I just cannot believe that her character flaws are a part or symptom of her depression. I don't feel that I'm being too hard on her either: these flaws are apparent throughout the narrative of the book, which was written well after she claims she finally began to manage her disease. Also, her writing style is way too heavy-handed for my taste. She tries too hard to be lyrical, and it really detracts from her message, for me. But the message is strong enough that I think I will give this book a highly qualified 3 stars. It was thought-provoking and educational, but the narrator and writing are heavily flawed.
By far my favorite thing about this book is the cover and jacket design. Incredibly subtle and beautiful. Lauren Withrow is an artist/photographer to watch.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors Prize program.
And I think that's my main problem here. Sexton prefers to pigeonhole others rather than do any more than pay lip service to empathizing with them. She talks about what her sister or dad must feel, then proceeds to whine about how their feelings just make her feel worse. Instead of accepting that other people's viewpoints and emotions are valid, too, she complains that no one cares enough for her to read her mind and give her what she needs, which is especially confounding because it's pretty clear that she is not only incapable of telling them, but often hasn't the slightest clue what she needs herself. She also seems to find it difficult to hold two opposed ideas in her head and still function. "I want to talk about my mother with my sister because it will make me feel better" battles "My sister does not want to talk about my mother with me because it will make her feel worse" in her head, and she collapses, incapable of understanding that both of these are valid viewpoints. Possibly the only people she doesn't blame for being nurturing enough are her children. But come on, lady. You're a grown woman. There's a difference between expecting support from your family and friends (even when you push them away while silently wishing they would stay closer: that isn't depression, that's being passive-aggressive) and expecting them to accommodate their lives to yours. I sympathize with her depression, I really do, but I am unconvinced that her narcissism and sense of inevitable victimhood are inextricably linked to it: if anything, I can see how her depression comes about as a result of her being, on the one hand, so full of herself, and on the other, not knowing how to cast herself as the hero of her own life without also being its martyr.
I did appreciate her exploration of suicide as a legacy, and am inclined to agree with her conclusions, though I think her kids have a point in believing themselves buffered by the much healthier childhood they had in comparison to hers. But I don't think it was just her mother's suicide that damaged her so badly. Her mother wasn't just depressed: she was abusive, needy, manipulative, alcoholic, and overall a rather nasty person. That Sexton continues to choose to identify with her mother the abuser(or as Joy very aptly puts it "to slide into her shoes") rather than with the other survivors of her mother's damaging life is telling, and what I think she needs to focus on in order to make herself better. She isn't completely unthinking -- she did manage to raise what seem like two well-adjusted kids -- but I think she's dancing around the real problem, which she does mention several times while never doing anything positive to tackle it, of her over-identification with her mother.
I definitely finished this book the wiser for having read it, but I don't think I'd ever read it again. It's not that the subject is too dark, but Sexton still has a long way to go to become the kind of person I'd find worthy of my time (i.e. someone less passive-aggressive and needy.) Her honesty about her depression doesn't make her less of an obnoxious personality to me: I just cannot believe that her character flaws are a part or symptom of her depression. I don't feel that I'm being too hard on her either: these flaws are apparent throughout the narrative of the book, which was written well after she claims she finally began to manage her disease. Also, her writing style is way too heavy-handed for my taste. She tries too hard to be lyrical, and it really detracts from her message, for me. But the message is strong enough that I think I will give this book a highly qualified 3 stars. It was thought-provoking and educational, but the narrator and writing are heavily flawed.
By far my favorite thing about this book is the cover and jacket design. Incredibly subtle and beautiful. Lauren Withrow is an artist/photographer to watch.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors Prize program.
August 2, 2014
jesus christ. the seriousness of the subject matter does not give you license to write lines like "I was ready to play music on the keyboard of my wrist" while simultaneously trying to give the strong impression that you Are A Serious Writer. comically stupid and vacuous.
February 21, 2011
Linda Gray Sexton's ability to write a compelling book about mental illness was just short of amazing. She is a talent, and her ability to create an intimacy with her readers is remarkable.
Readers are given a ring-side seat to not only her ongoing grief of her mother's profound mental illness and how this affected her as a child but how she found herself duplicating much of the same chaos in the lives of her own offspring. Do not under estimate how abandonment can touch one's later life, she proves how profound loss can be carried on decades after deep childhood loss. Her bi-polar disorder and quest to control it with talk therapy and medications is candidly recalled as are her relationships with her father and sister, her two sons and her current partner, as well as her ex-husband. She gives you a real inside look at the thinking that takes place when someone is cutting and what it is like to think each day that you'd rather die that face the torture of what the day's thoughts may bring.
I look forward to reading her other book after reading this one that I picked up mostly because of the well lauded publisher and a nice review in Booklist.
I recommend this book for anyone who has been touched by suicide, as many families have somewhere in their family tree, or circle of friends. I gained great insights into the torture of mental illness like few books have given me since Darkness Visible by William Styron.
Readers are given a ring-side seat to not only her ongoing grief of her mother's profound mental illness and how this affected her as a child but how she found herself duplicating much of the same chaos in the lives of her own offspring. Do not under estimate how abandonment can touch one's later life, she proves how profound loss can be carried on decades after deep childhood loss. Her bi-polar disorder and quest to control it with talk therapy and medications is candidly recalled as are her relationships with her father and sister, her two sons and her current partner, as well as her ex-husband. She gives you a real inside look at the thinking that takes place when someone is cutting and what it is like to think each day that you'd rather die that face the torture of what the day's thoughts may bring.
I look forward to reading her other book after reading this one that I picked up mostly because of the well lauded publisher and a nice review in Booklist.
I recommend this book for anyone who has been touched by suicide, as many families have somewhere in their family tree, or circle of friends. I gained great insights into the torture of mental illness like few books have given me since Darkness Visible by William Styron.
December 15, 2011
Life is precious so why would someone want to end committing an act of murder/suicide and take his or her own life? Some people cannot deal with rejection others with the loss of a parent. Many have illnesses that cause them to feel depressed, sad, despondent and alone. Others take pills; inflict bodily injuries and harm in order to end what they feel is insurmountable suffering caused by others, themselves or mental illness. Anne Sexton died because she wanted to. Anne was the mother of two children and felt parenthood was too overwhelming and life too difficult. A famous and well renowned poet and writer whose work expressed her life and which had meaning to those who read her work, decided to take her own life when things became too much. Doing some research into her life and reading her poems the theme of suicide was evident and paramount in her work. Years combating and trying to battle severe depression and detailing the events of her private life in her writing it is evident that she was crying for help. On October 4, 1974 her life ended. Putting her as the author relates her mother’s worn fur coat took off her rings and poured herself a class of vodka. Next, she locked herself in the garage and turned on the engine of her car. Carbon Monoxide Poisoning: Not original but definitely effective. But this book, Half in Love is not just about Anne it is about Linda her daughter who tried to follow in mother’s path of destruction. Denial, acceptance, hurt, fear and depression played a strong role in the author’s life and first attempt to join her mother in heaven.
Linda Sexton Gray spent most her early years emulating her mother’s movements, wanting to become a carbon copy of her and losing sight of who and what she was. At the age of 17 going into therapy she was told to divorce or distance herself from her mother who had become too controlling, depended on her totally for care and made her a pawn in her own life. Pawns have no control over their movements or actions as you know they are the one piece in a chess game that never seem to survive and have the least value and moves, but Linda allowed herself to emulate her poet mother in her writing, actions and even in her attempt to find peace but not in the real world.
Losing a parent is difficult and the reasons behind her mother’s death are still her own. No note, no explanation, no real meaning to what she finally decided to do. Family members blaming each other for her death and two parents whose lives never really blended. Two sisters, one mother yet one, Joy was private and kept her thoughts to herself. Linda, our author was more open and honest when expressing them.
Take a hot air balloon ride or go hang gliding and try to stay balanced and not fall over. Did you ever see someone freefall in the Olympics? Imagine someone’s life like a freefall in a skiing event and think about how this woman’s life became equally as dangerous as she seemed to slip down that dangerous slope more times than not and finally did not get up.
Family dynamics are different for every family. Usually the father is at the head. In this family the disease ruled not the people. So consumed with her mother, what she wanted and trying to please her the author lost sight of herself by trying to become Her Mother or at least a carbon copy but not for the right reasons. Parenthood was difficult for Anne and it spilled over for Linda. Depression knows no boundaries and Linda suffered after her son was born. So, just why did she try to take her life after promising her sons she would never copy her mother?
Alcohol and pills mask the problems, hide the truth and dull your vision. Listening and recalling her mother’s stay in many institutions did not dissuade her thinking it seemed to make it more glamorous. Replacing a parent with someone else was her answer. Rachel was older and more stable and gave her the support she needed for many years but was that going to be enough? Marriage, motherhood, converting to Judaism and trying to live a normal life seemed was not in the picture. Losing a child is difficult and before they have to chance to live equally as hard. Trying her best to be a great mother and hoping that she would be successful but depression won her over and so did anxiety.
In 1994 her first memoir came out titled Searching for Mercy Street wanting to share her life and insights with her family but her sister Joy did not share her feelings about what she wrote stating she thought they came from different families and never really saw the real Linda at least the lines of communication were open.
Take the journey forward as we revisit Linda after her first attempt to commit suicide and winding up in a locked ward. The description of the treatment, the nurses, the questions and the indignities alone should have been enough to deter her from doing it ever again. Convincing herself and Jim that she was capable of handling things at home she is released after the three-day minimum confinement to the care of her family and friends. Being bipolar would trigger these mood and behavior swings but drinking and using drugs to hide behind the real issues and trying to take your own life definitely not the answer to her problems. Masking the illnesses and using drugs and drinking as a veil, mask or camouflage to hide from life will definitely provide a cure. The author relates incidents with her father, mother and grandmother, which helps bring to light a deeper understanding of how she wound up in trouble.
Distance in this case was much more than the mileage you travel in a car. Winding up in the hospital was not as difficult as the cold treatment she received at home. Counseling, discussions and more the end result was a separation between Linda and Jim as he did not want to remain with her and felt that their life together was not what he wanted. Moving out and having a relationship with someone else, Linda knew that her life was once again taking on a downward spiral and what would she do next?
Her life was a mirror of her mother’s and she did not seem to be able to pull herself out of the abyss that she created for herself. Jim moved on and her children seemed okay at first but not really. A second attempt at suicide distant not only her therapists but her family too. Reaching out to her sister proved futile, her father did not offer to help and the support of her family was not there and then Nathaniel, her older son was rarely home as she even missed Gabe’s school presentations and lacrosse games. Rationalizing different reasons and excuses, going into therapy but never really getting to the root of anything with no permanent solution in sight. Deserted by everyone except Barbara her new therapist, trying to start to write and finally a reason for her behavior. She was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and only the right amount medication and therapy would save her from herself and destruction. Her road to life is heartbreaking, heart wrenching, uplifting and hopeful. Dating again but then she tried one more time. Jim remarried and Linda met someone else hoping to turn in the right direction. But will she? Finally asking to meet Jim’s wife and getting some type of closure.
Read the final chapters and learn the end result and hear her sister’s voice and learn what how they tried to bond. Nathaniel and Gabe never gave up on their mother and Linda unknowingly had an illness that rocked her world but her inner strength and fortitude and desire to live is what got her through.
This is a difficult memoir to read but one that will bring to light what happens when a young girl cannot forgive her mother for her actions, deserted by those she loved and counted on and finally received the redemption and forgiveness of those who matter. Linda Gray Sexton you are not your mother you are who you are and have written a memoir that stands for more than you know. Legacy of suicide no longer exists and from here on the world needs to hear your voice in your writing and you smile will make the sunshine. Mental illness is not always the fault of the person is they are not aware of what is wrong with them.
Great memoir. Very important book and a definite must read. Hope and Love: Powerful
This Book Gets Five Golden Stars
Fran Lewis: Reviewer
Linda Sexton Gray spent most her early years emulating her mother’s movements, wanting to become a carbon copy of her and losing sight of who and what she was. At the age of 17 going into therapy she was told to divorce or distance herself from her mother who had become too controlling, depended on her totally for care and made her a pawn in her own life. Pawns have no control over their movements or actions as you know they are the one piece in a chess game that never seem to survive and have the least value and moves, but Linda allowed herself to emulate her poet mother in her writing, actions and even in her attempt to find peace but not in the real world.
Losing a parent is difficult and the reasons behind her mother’s death are still her own. No note, no explanation, no real meaning to what she finally decided to do. Family members blaming each other for her death and two parents whose lives never really blended. Two sisters, one mother yet one, Joy was private and kept her thoughts to herself. Linda, our author was more open and honest when expressing them.
Take a hot air balloon ride or go hang gliding and try to stay balanced and not fall over. Did you ever see someone freefall in the Olympics? Imagine someone’s life like a freefall in a skiing event and think about how this woman’s life became equally as dangerous as she seemed to slip down that dangerous slope more times than not and finally did not get up.
Family dynamics are different for every family. Usually the father is at the head. In this family the disease ruled not the people. So consumed with her mother, what she wanted and trying to please her the author lost sight of herself by trying to become Her Mother or at least a carbon copy but not for the right reasons. Parenthood was difficult for Anne and it spilled over for Linda. Depression knows no boundaries and Linda suffered after her son was born. So, just why did she try to take her life after promising her sons she would never copy her mother?
Alcohol and pills mask the problems, hide the truth and dull your vision. Listening and recalling her mother’s stay in many institutions did not dissuade her thinking it seemed to make it more glamorous. Replacing a parent with someone else was her answer. Rachel was older and more stable and gave her the support she needed for many years but was that going to be enough? Marriage, motherhood, converting to Judaism and trying to live a normal life seemed was not in the picture. Losing a child is difficult and before they have to chance to live equally as hard. Trying her best to be a great mother and hoping that she would be successful but depression won her over and so did anxiety.
In 1994 her first memoir came out titled Searching for Mercy Street wanting to share her life and insights with her family but her sister Joy did not share her feelings about what she wrote stating she thought they came from different families and never really saw the real Linda at least the lines of communication were open.
Take the journey forward as we revisit Linda after her first attempt to commit suicide and winding up in a locked ward. The description of the treatment, the nurses, the questions and the indignities alone should have been enough to deter her from doing it ever again. Convincing herself and Jim that she was capable of handling things at home she is released after the three-day minimum confinement to the care of her family and friends. Being bipolar would trigger these mood and behavior swings but drinking and using drugs to hide behind the real issues and trying to take your own life definitely not the answer to her problems. Masking the illnesses and using drugs and drinking as a veil, mask or camouflage to hide from life will definitely provide a cure. The author relates incidents with her father, mother and grandmother, which helps bring to light a deeper understanding of how she wound up in trouble.
Distance in this case was much more than the mileage you travel in a car. Winding up in the hospital was not as difficult as the cold treatment she received at home. Counseling, discussions and more the end result was a separation between Linda and Jim as he did not want to remain with her and felt that their life together was not what he wanted. Moving out and having a relationship with someone else, Linda knew that her life was once again taking on a downward spiral and what would she do next?
Her life was a mirror of her mother’s and she did not seem to be able to pull herself out of the abyss that she created for herself. Jim moved on and her children seemed okay at first but not really. A second attempt at suicide distant not only her therapists but her family too. Reaching out to her sister proved futile, her father did not offer to help and the support of her family was not there and then Nathaniel, her older son was rarely home as she even missed Gabe’s school presentations and lacrosse games. Rationalizing different reasons and excuses, going into therapy but never really getting to the root of anything with no permanent solution in sight. Deserted by everyone except Barbara her new therapist, trying to start to write and finally a reason for her behavior. She was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and only the right amount medication and therapy would save her from herself and destruction. Her road to life is heartbreaking, heart wrenching, uplifting and hopeful. Dating again but then she tried one more time. Jim remarried and Linda met someone else hoping to turn in the right direction. But will she? Finally asking to meet Jim’s wife and getting some type of closure.
Read the final chapters and learn the end result and hear her sister’s voice and learn what how they tried to bond. Nathaniel and Gabe never gave up on their mother and Linda unknowingly had an illness that rocked her world but her inner strength and fortitude and desire to live is what got her through.
This is a difficult memoir to read but one that will bring to light what happens when a young girl cannot forgive her mother for her actions, deserted by those she loved and counted on and finally received the redemption and forgiveness of those who matter. Linda Gray Sexton you are not your mother you are who you are and have written a memoir that stands for more than you know. Legacy of suicide no longer exists and from here on the world needs to hear your voice in your writing and you smile will make the sunshine. Mental illness is not always the fault of the person is they are not aware of what is wrong with them.
Great memoir. Very important book and a definite must read. Hope and Love: Powerful
This Book Gets Five Golden Stars
Fran Lewis: Reviewer
March 20, 2012
My mother would not allow me to date when I wanted to. My father would not let me drive the car. We all have the same thoughts; I am not going to be my mother or my father. I am going to be a better parent. But, what do you do when your mother is a Pulitzer Prize winning poet and the legacy she leaves behind is one of suicide? You do what any mother would do, you promise to be a better parent and a better person.
But, what happens when your good intentions are derailed by bi-polarism and alcoholism? Linda Gray Sexton writes an amazing memoir depicting her life in “Half in Love (surviving the legacy of suicide.) This story is not for the faint of heart. It is a heart wrenching, soul-gutting honest accounting of a life filled with struggles. What do you do when those closest to you turn away because they think your depression and attempts to take your life are simply bids for attention? What do you do when your trusted psychiatrist decides you are too much of a risk to continue treating?
When I was approached to review this book, I have to admit that the topic peaked my interest. I wanted to see if it would answer a question I had long been pondering. Why is it some of us come so close to the edge and then step back, while others take that last breath and step off the ledge and take that flight into oblivion? Is it our genetic makeup? Is it simply our cowardness? I soon learned there are huge differences between being depressed and wanting to die (those of us who step back from the ledge) and being “clinically depressed” and wanting to end your life.
I do not want to simply read a book; I want the book to teach me something. I want a book to make me feel. I want the book to speak to me. Half in Love accomplished all. Linda Gray Sexton has a story to tell and she does not sugarcoat it. She sticks to the cold, cruel facts, even as she betrays herself as less than a human being and a horrible mother. Linda teaches us the truth of mental illness and the devastating effect mental illness has on families. The book does not glorify her mother’s mental illness or her own.
Linda’s accounting of her life gives insight into the difference between depressed and being clinically depressed. She takes the reader through her day-to-day life and the dark debilitating depression from which she struggled, and how she reached the point where she stepped off the ledge and attempted to end her life not once, but several times. She shows us how many people manage to function in their daily lives with no one the wiser to the depths of their depression. Her story enlightens us to the effects her suicide attempts had on her children and their relationship. Linda also shows us through her story how she went to the brink and came back a stronger person and able to overcome her mental fascination with ending her life and her mind’s call to commit suicide.
While I cannot begin to put myself in her place, I now understand more deeply about how a clinically depressed person thinks and how their thoughts can guide them either to attempt suicide or to successfully achieve the goal of ending their lives. Half in Love is an intriguing story and there were so many phrases that I wanted to quote to entice my followers into reading this book that I ran out of sticky notes (as noted in the photo). I think this book will help someone who has lost a love one to suicide or knows someone who is suffering from depression or bi-polarism. The book gives us insight into the mental anguish that humans are able to hide from the world, especially from those who know and love them. Every person is different, and every story is different, but there are common threads that weave throughout the stories of these individuals.
In addition to writing about her own personal life, she also gives the reader insight into her mother’s (Pulitzer Prize winning author, Anne Sexton) illness and how her illness may have directly or indirectly led to her success as a poet. I definitely recommend reading this book and having finished it, I would now like to read Searching for Mercy Street, the prelude to Half in Love.
But, what happens when your good intentions are derailed by bi-polarism and alcoholism? Linda Gray Sexton writes an amazing memoir depicting her life in “Half in Love (surviving the legacy of suicide.) This story is not for the faint of heart. It is a heart wrenching, soul-gutting honest accounting of a life filled with struggles. What do you do when those closest to you turn away because they think your depression and attempts to take your life are simply bids for attention? What do you do when your trusted psychiatrist decides you are too much of a risk to continue treating?
When I was approached to review this book, I have to admit that the topic peaked my interest. I wanted to see if it would answer a question I had long been pondering. Why is it some of us come so close to the edge and then step back, while others take that last breath and step off the ledge and take that flight into oblivion? Is it our genetic makeup? Is it simply our cowardness? I soon learned there are huge differences between being depressed and wanting to die (those of us who step back from the ledge) and being “clinically depressed” and wanting to end your life.
I do not want to simply read a book; I want the book to teach me something. I want a book to make me feel. I want the book to speak to me. Half in Love accomplished all. Linda Gray Sexton has a story to tell and she does not sugarcoat it. She sticks to the cold, cruel facts, even as she betrays herself as less than a human being and a horrible mother. Linda teaches us the truth of mental illness and the devastating effect mental illness has on families. The book does not glorify her mother’s mental illness or her own.
Linda’s accounting of her life gives insight into the difference between depressed and being clinically depressed. She takes the reader through her day-to-day life and the dark debilitating depression from which she struggled, and how she reached the point where she stepped off the ledge and attempted to end her life not once, but several times. She shows us how many people manage to function in their daily lives with no one the wiser to the depths of their depression. Her story enlightens us to the effects her suicide attempts had on her children and their relationship. Linda also shows us through her story how she went to the brink and came back a stronger person and able to overcome her mental fascination with ending her life and her mind’s call to commit suicide.
While I cannot begin to put myself in her place, I now understand more deeply about how a clinically depressed person thinks and how their thoughts can guide them either to attempt suicide or to successfully achieve the goal of ending their lives. Half in Love is an intriguing story and there were so many phrases that I wanted to quote to entice my followers into reading this book that I ran out of sticky notes (as noted in the photo). I think this book will help someone who has lost a love one to suicide or knows someone who is suffering from depression or bi-polarism. The book gives us insight into the mental anguish that humans are able to hide from the world, especially from those who know and love them. Every person is different, and every story is different, but there are common threads that weave throughout the stories of these individuals.
In addition to writing about her own personal life, she also gives the reader insight into her mother’s (Pulitzer Prize winning author, Anne Sexton) illness and how her illness may have directly or indirectly led to her success as a poet. I definitely recommend reading this book and having finished it, I would now like to read Searching for Mercy Street, the prelude to Half in Love.
February 28, 2011
Whoa. This memoir is extremely dark, extremely depressing. About midway through I developed an acute sense of anxiety and even paranoia. I’m not sure if it’s a tribute to the writer’s style or a testimony to the bleakness of the book. This is written by the daughter of Pulitzer Prize winning poet Anne Sexton. I mistakenly assumed it was a tale of growing up with a severely depressed mother who attempted suicide numerous times before succeeding (I guess her first memoir tackles this). While that’s part of it, it is mostly about the author’s own struggles with mental illness and the “suicide legacy” she inherited from her mother.
This book is well-written but often times exhausting. The repetition of words (nonplussed), ideas (her inner voice chiding her), and acts (sleeping all day) got to be a little much. Although I suppose it is an accurate reflection of the writer’s state of mind. I picked this up because there seems to be a rash of suicides lately amongst my contemporaries, no one close to me but it’s affected me all the same. I wanted to understand the mindset a little better. I can’t say that I do but I guess that’s to be expected. I do have a more generous viewpoint than some (e.g. I don’t automatically think “it’s selfish!”) I guess because it’s so unfathomable to me I can’t even be judgmental about it. It would be like judging someone who is color blind. “Why can’t you see that’s red??!” My brain can’t even go there (thankfully).
Also, while a child whose parent committed suicide is far more likely to commit suicide him/herself, I think the author gave undue attention to this “legacy” and almost none to the physical and sexual abuse she suffered and how that might have contributed to her depression. At least, in the end, there seems to be redemption. And she is damn lucky she found that particular therapist. Overall, I wouldn’t know whether or not to recommend this to someone. Proceed with caution I suppose.
This book is well-written but often times exhausting. The repetition of words (nonplussed), ideas (her inner voice chiding her), and acts (sleeping all day) got to be a little much. Although I suppose it is an accurate reflection of the writer’s state of mind. I picked this up because there seems to be a rash of suicides lately amongst my contemporaries, no one close to me but it’s affected me all the same. I wanted to understand the mindset a little better. I can’t say that I do but I guess that’s to be expected. I do have a more generous viewpoint than some (e.g. I don’t automatically think “it’s selfish!”) I guess because it’s so unfathomable to me I can’t even be judgmental about it. It would be like judging someone who is color blind. “Why can’t you see that’s red??!” My brain can’t even go there (thankfully).
Also, while a child whose parent committed suicide is far more likely to commit suicide him/herself, I think the author gave undue attention to this “legacy” and almost none to the physical and sexual abuse she suffered and how that might have contributed to her depression. At least, in the end, there seems to be redemption. And she is damn lucky she found that particular therapist. Overall, I wouldn’t know whether or not to recommend this to someone. Proceed with caution I suppose.
July 6, 2011
Not quite sure how to rate this. Can't say I "liked" it. The topic is not one to like, the writing could have used a good amount of editing, and the author was self-indulgent. But it was a useful look at the author's experience of her mother's suicide and her own attempts. I disagree with some of her deterministic beliefs regarding the legacy of suicide but found the descriptions of suicidal thought processes helpful.
January 3, 2020
An intimate memoir about how bipolar illness, depression, and suicide can affect multiple generations of a family. Beautifully written. Poignant. Filled with deep emotion. It made me consider both sides of the suicide coin in a new way and left me with a greater understanding of the emotional pain preempting the act of trying to take one's life. Kudos to Linda Gray Sexton for sharing her story.
January 17, 2011
Linda Gray Sexton, an author of memoir and fiction, tackles the issues of depression, suicide, and family legacies in her latest memoir, Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide. In case you haven’t deduced on your own who her famous mother is, it is Anne Sexton one of the greatest American confessional poets, who successfully committed suicide in October 1974 after battling depression for years by locking herself in the garage and dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.
“The other families in our neighborhood looked nothing like my own family. My father did not run the family, nor did my mother. It was my mother’s illness that had seized control. My adulation of her was not tempered by the fact that she was mentally ill. We never used the word ‘crazy’ — though when the ambulance arrived in the driveway to take her away, the neighborhood children whispered that Mrs. Sexton was nuts again.” (page 59)
Half in Love is far from an easy read as Linda details not only her mother’s struggles with depression and suicide, but also the violent and sometimes inappropriate relationships within the family. The legacy of suicide is clear as Linda discusses her college years, her marriage, and the birth of her children. The “rabbit hole” is often used to describe the downward spiral Linda and her mother descend into without necessarily being triggered by a specific event. Some of the details about institutionalization, attempts at suicide are detailed and will make readers turn away from the page, but they are necessary to convey the depth at which these women fell away from the real world into the darkness that obscured their reasons for hope.
Read the full review: http://savvyverseandwit.com/2011/01/h...
“The other families in our neighborhood looked nothing like my own family. My father did not run the family, nor did my mother. It was my mother’s illness that had seized control. My adulation of her was not tempered by the fact that she was mentally ill. We never used the word ‘crazy’ — though when the ambulance arrived in the driveway to take her away, the neighborhood children whispered that Mrs. Sexton was nuts again.” (page 59)
Half in Love is far from an easy read as Linda details not only her mother’s struggles with depression and suicide, but also the violent and sometimes inappropriate relationships within the family. The legacy of suicide is clear as Linda discusses her college years, her marriage, and the birth of her children. The “rabbit hole” is often used to describe the downward spiral Linda and her mother descend into without necessarily being triggered by a specific event. Some of the details about institutionalization, attempts at suicide are detailed and will make readers turn away from the page, but they are necessary to convey the depth at which these women fell away from the real world into the darkness that obscured their reasons for hope.
Read the full review: http://savvyverseandwit.com/2011/01/h...
May 11, 2015
I picked this up after reading Bespotted, the 3rd memoir of writer Linda Gray Sexton.
It is a graphic depiction of the interior life of mental illness. It is not candy coated. I appreciated her exploration of how her illness ruptured family relations and what it took to journey back to the hearts of her loved ones.
Read it in 2 days, could't put it down. Disclaimer: i have a legacy of suicide and mental illness in my family.
It is a graphic depiction of the interior life of mental illness. It is not candy coated. I appreciated her exploration of how her illness ruptured family relations and what it took to journey back to the hearts of her loved ones.
Read it in 2 days, could't put it down. Disclaimer: i have a legacy of suicide and mental illness in my family.
September 13, 2016
An extremely intimate look into the childhood and adulthood of Anne Sexton's youngest daughter. Everything you ever wanted to know about Anne and everything you didn't. A very gripping memoir, i couldn't put it down. Ms. Sexton was one complicated lady.
August 23, 2020
I suffer with bipolar 1 and suicidal ideations more often than not. I was drawn to this book in one of my lower moments. I thought maybe it would be of help, but I was wrong.
I made it 30 pages. I knew I had to stop when she mentioned making music with the keyboard on her wrist. **What I’m about to say is from my own Christian faith and what I believe was occurring with me by reading it**
The graphic nature of how she cut herself up in the bathtub drew me in. It was almost like an instruction manual. She made it so poetic and “beautiful” that this would alleviate all the pain and anguish. Just find the artery and bleed out in the bathtub, considering her children would find her. She was in a tub of blood and could not even see herself under it. She said she heard voices telling her to continue. Those would be demons. Only a demon would whisper in your ear or shout at you to keep destroying and cutting up your body. The sad part is I was in a dark, dark mood and I relished In it. She made it seem so brave.
I stopped immediately. Something was shouting at ME to stop. That was Jesus. The Enemy got this library book in my hands. It suited a depressive mood and taught me what I could do. What I could do to ease the pain and escape. I don’t want to meet God after destroying His temple in the way she wrote about. All the blood. All the cuts. Cutting down to bone. Saying how hard it is to really kill oneself, but the voice in her head goaded her on.
I choose to listen to Jesus. I’m the one sheep he comes back for and leaves the 99. I’ve made a promise not to read books that involve suicide in any capacity.
This book nauseated me to my core and could not continue on.
Poetry or not- slicing oneself up in a bathtub isn’t beautiful.
I made it 30 pages. I knew I had to stop when she mentioned making music with the keyboard on her wrist. **What I’m about to say is from my own Christian faith and what I believe was occurring with me by reading it**
The graphic nature of how she cut herself up in the bathtub drew me in. It was almost like an instruction manual. She made it so poetic and “beautiful” that this would alleviate all the pain and anguish. Just find the artery and bleed out in the bathtub, considering her children would find her. She was in a tub of blood and could not even see herself under it. She said she heard voices telling her to continue. Those would be demons. Only a demon would whisper in your ear or shout at you to keep destroying and cutting up your body. The sad part is I was in a dark, dark mood and I relished In it. She made it seem so brave.
I stopped immediately. Something was shouting at ME to stop. That was Jesus. The Enemy got this library book in my hands. It suited a depressive mood and taught me what I could do. What I could do to ease the pain and escape. I don’t want to meet God after destroying His temple in the way she wrote about. All the blood. All the cuts. Cutting down to bone. Saying how hard it is to really kill oneself, but the voice in her head goaded her on.
I choose to listen to Jesus. I’m the one sheep he comes back for and leaves the 99. I’ve made a promise not to read books that involve suicide in any capacity.
This book nauseated me to my core and could not continue on.
Poetry or not- slicing oneself up in a bathtub isn’t beautiful.
May 27, 2017
Sexton has not only shared the experience of having a mother--esteemed poet Anne Sexton--who at the height of her literary career took her own life, but it's also about Linda, who battled similar demons. It's one thing to battle the demons, but it's another to have the bravery and creative talent to write about them. Linda took Hemingway's brilliant words to heart when he said, "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." She truly got down to her emotional truth and authentically told her story from her heart, embracing every last detail.
As often happens with family members of suicide victims, when Linda turned 45, the age her mother was when she took her own life, she slipped into a deep depression followed by numerous suicide attempts herself. She found this was the only way to ease her pain. As she poetically says, "It's a way of letting the poison out...Taking control again" (p. 171). Linda wasn't proud of her suicide attempts; in fact, she was ashamed of them. However, she admits to having felt vulnerable and naked. "Suicide exposes you, shows the world what you really think about yourself and how weak your self-image is" (p. 209).
This books shares the writer's deep secrets about suicide, and how she and her loved ones navigated her own journey from slippage to recovery, and her determination to "break the cycle of self-destruction" upon which she'd been raised. She continues to pray that she's broken her genetic pull to suicide. This is a powerful and page-turning memoir that I was unable to easily put down.
As often happens with family members of suicide victims, when Linda turned 45, the age her mother was when she took her own life, she slipped into a deep depression followed by numerous suicide attempts herself. She found this was the only way to ease her pain. As she poetically says, "It's a way of letting the poison out...Taking control again" (p. 171). Linda wasn't proud of her suicide attempts; in fact, she was ashamed of them. However, she admits to having felt vulnerable and naked. "Suicide exposes you, shows the world what you really think about yourself and how weak your self-image is" (p. 209).
This books shares the writer's deep secrets about suicide, and how she and her loved ones navigated her own journey from slippage to recovery, and her determination to "break the cycle of self-destruction" upon which she'd been raised. She continues to pray that she's broken her genetic pull to suicide. This is a powerful and page-turning memoir that I was unable to easily put down.
September 10, 2018
Excellent memoir by the daughter of Pulitzer prize winning poet, Anne Sexton. In it, Linda Gray Sexton enlightens the reader to the true, deep down feelings of someone suffering from bi-polar disorder and how many observers tend to interpret their actions and behaviors at stemming from wanting attention, not caring about others, etc. The author does an excellent job of opening up her own experiences and allowing readers to understand that the inner pain those with this disorder suffer is so severe, all they can think of is ending their life. She also takes you on a journey through her childhood living with a mother suffering from the same mental illness who was finally successful at taking her life and the legacy that is passed on to future generations. I highly recommend this book. It is stellar in its field. Fortunately, Linda found a psychiatrist who was able to truly understand the scope of her illness, her suicide attempts and, importantly, get her on the proper med schedule. On a scale of 1-10, this is definitely an 11!
November 30, 2024
This is an intimate yet challenging read. Linda Gray Sexton comes across as a loving and highly self-aware woman who simply needs a little more love and understanding in her life. Her life is overshadowed by a legacy of suicide, which feels even more heartbreaking considering the loss she has endured since this book was published. Despite the difficulties she has faced over the years, I admire her for maintaining such a warm heart after all.
August 1, 2021
A sincere examination of the author's emotionally tumultuous life
I gave a 5-star rating to this book because of the quality of the writing, and the author's courage in overcoming her severe illness and showing others in similar situations, there is a path to reconciliation of family relationships damaged by psychological trauma.
I gave a 5-star rating to this book because of the quality of the writing, and the author's courage in overcoming her severe illness and showing others in similar situations, there is a path to reconciliation of family relationships damaged by psychological trauma.
August 14, 2019
This book was a perception of mental illness. Linda really goes deep inside herself to write (although controversial at times) from deep within. This is a brave and difficult to do when you have expierenced severe mental illness.
June 7, 2020
This book helped me understand my bipolar better than I ever have. I could relate to the author and her struggles and so very wish I would have had it a decade ago when I was struggling badly with suicidal thoughts and a failed attempt.
November 5, 2017
It's possible that I am too close to the subject for various reasons, but I found this to be meandering and self-indulgent.
May 9, 2022
Raw, honest and real. I so appreciate her sharing her story and the real struggle of recovery. Well written.
February 9, 2023
I loved this book! I read a lot of books on mental illness and because I am mentally I’ll myself, I can relate to both Anne and Linda’s struggles. I highly recommend this book!
December 29, 2024
Good book on mental health . The authors open to her past and the life she struggled with . Real
February 18, 2011
"Depression is a country with no borders."
Linda Gray Sexton grew up with a mother- Pulitzer prize winning poet, Anne Sexton- who repeatedly tried to kill herself, shuffling her two daughters off to various relatives when she hospitalized. Eventually, Anne succeeded, leaving behind a legacy which would severely impact the life of her daughter, a fact discussed in Linda Gray Sexton's second memoir, Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide. After experiencing firsthand the agony of loosing a parent to suicide, Sexton vowed never to follow in her mother's footsteps. Yet at forty-five she found herself in a deep depression, attempting to kill herself multiple times despite the fact that she was a daughter, sister, wife, and most significantly, a mother.
Half in Love is a memoir painful in its details of Sexton's struggle to find mental health and create her own legacy. Although it deals lightly with Sexton's earlier years, specifically her relationship with her mother and the impact the suicide had on her, the focus is on the years after her first memoir Searching for Mercy Street: My Journey Back to My Mother, Anne Sexton which was published in 1994. In fact, despite having published four novels in her earlier years, Half in Love is Sexton's first publication since 1994. In the subsequent years she began, somehow subconsciously, to repeat her mother's life. Like the rest of her family, as well as so many others, Sexton saw her mother's suicide as selfish, as an indication that her daughters were not enough, their love was not enough. Writing about her mother's suicide attempts, Sexton says:
"But to us, her suicide attempts seemed just bids for pity and sympathy: it was better to think she was merely being self-indulgent than to understand she wanted to leave us all for good, or that she in excruciating turmoil."
However once she began to deal with depression and bipolar illness herself , Sexton realized that was not the case. Her pain was so great, suicide seemed to be the only option. The only solution was an extremely long and arduous journey including a combination of the right medication and therapy. In Half in Love, Sexton is not shy about sharing the truth of her illness, including the years she was unable to get out of bed so severe was her depression and the pain she caused her sons who continued to fear for her life. The book provides a raw and blistering look into her pain, it is an honest confession which allows readers the opportunity to take a peak into the dark "rabbit hole" which may lead someone to commit suicide. In Half in Love Sexton deals with the idea that even as much as part of her wanted a normal life, she was still partly in love with the glamour of her mother's existence, "half in love" with the dark demons, and the close relationship they had when she was alive left Sexton almost unwillingly stepping into her mother's shoes.
"Unconsciously, my mother had bequeathed to me two entirely unique legacies, and they were inextricably and mysteriously entwined: the compulsion to create with words, as well as the compulsion to stare down into the abyss of suicide. Both compulsions have been with me for as long as I can remember."
The second legacy left to Sexton, her writing, is obvious in Half in Love, as the memoir is beautifully written and descriptive. As a survivor of suicide herself, Sexton is uniquely posed to provide insight into what leads a person to such extreme actions and what can help be done to prevent repeat attempts. In Sexton's case, it was mere chance that saved her life, but it is a lot of help in the form of medication, therapy, and support from family that has prevented her from trying to take it again. Sexton has done an incredible job of delving into her own painful experiences in a way which forces the reader not to dismiss the legacy of suicide as well as better understand what it is like for an individual forced to confront the kind of demons which Sexton has. Half in Love is an intimate and powerful portrayal of the impact suicide can have not only an individual, but also on those they leave behind, and with it Sexton has written an extremely poignant memoir on an incredibly difficult subject.
Note: This book contains some very graphic descriptions of behaviours like cutting which may be triggering for individuals who have suffered recently.
Linda Gray Sexton grew up with a mother- Pulitzer prize winning poet, Anne Sexton- who repeatedly tried to kill herself, shuffling her two daughters off to various relatives when she hospitalized. Eventually, Anne succeeded, leaving behind a legacy which would severely impact the life of her daughter, a fact discussed in Linda Gray Sexton's second memoir, Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide. After experiencing firsthand the agony of loosing a parent to suicide, Sexton vowed never to follow in her mother's footsteps. Yet at forty-five she found herself in a deep depression, attempting to kill herself multiple times despite the fact that she was a daughter, sister, wife, and most significantly, a mother.
Half in Love is a memoir painful in its details of Sexton's struggle to find mental health and create her own legacy. Although it deals lightly with Sexton's earlier years, specifically her relationship with her mother and the impact the suicide had on her, the focus is on the years after her first memoir Searching for Mercy Street: My Journey Back to My Mother, Anne Sexton which was published in 1994. In fact, despite having published four novels in her earlier years, Half in Love is Sexton's first publication since 1994. In the subsequent years she began, somehow subconsciously, to repeat her mother's life. Like the rest of her family, as well as so many others, Sexton saw her mother's suicide as selfish, as an indication that her daughters were not enough, their love was not enough. Writing about her mother's suicide attempts, Sexton says:
"But to us, her suicide attempts seemed just bids for pity and sympathy: it was better to think she was merely being self-indulgent than to understand she wanted to leave us all for good, or that she in excruciating turmoil."
However once she began to deal with depression and bipolar illness herself , Sexton realized that was not the case. Her pain was so great, suicide seemed to be the only option. The only solution was an extremely long and arduous journey including a combination of the right medication and therapy. In Half in Love, Sexton is not shy about sharing the truth of her illness, including the years she was unable to get out of bed so severe was her depression and the pain she caused her sons who continued to fear for her life. The book provides a raw and blistering look into her pain, it is an honest confession which allows readers the opportunity to take a peak into the dark "rabbit hole" which may lead someone to commit suicide. In Half in Love Sexton deals with the idea that even as much as part of her wanted a normal life, she was still partly in love with the glamour of her mother's existence, "half in love" with the dark demons, and the close relationship they had when she was alive left Sexton almost unwillingly stepping into her mother's shoes.
"Unconsciously, my mother had bequeathed to me two entirely unique legacies, and they were inextricably and mysteriously entwined: the compulsion to create with words, as well as the compulsion to stare down into the abyss of suicide. Both compulsions have been with me for as long as I can remember."
The second legacy left to Sexton, her writing, is obvious in Half in Love, as the memoir is beautifully written and descriptive. As a survivor of suicide herself, Sexton is uniquely posed to provide insight into what leads a person to such extreme actions and what can help be done to prevent repeat attempts. In Sexton's case, it was mere chance that saved her life, but it is a lot of help in the form of medication, therapy, and support from family that has prevented her from trying to take it again. Sexton has done an incredible job of delving into her own painful experiences in a way which forces the reader not to dismiss the legacy of suicide as well as better understand what it is like for an individual forced to confront the kind of demons which Sexton has. Half in Love is an intimate and powerful portrayal of the impact suicide can have not only an individual, but also on those they leave behind, and with it Sexton has written an extremely poignant memoir on an incredibly difficult subject.
Note: This book contains some very graphic descriptions of behaviours like cutting which may be triggering for individuals who have suffered recently.
November 16, 2011
Linda Gray Sexton tells her story of how she finally overcame the suicide legacy that ran in her family. She starts by telling when she started to feel the effects of depression and her attempted suicide. From the beginning of the book you are immediately sad for her. It is very deeply emotional, raw, and profoundly honest. Her famous mother, poet Anne Sexton, attempted suicide numerous times throughout Linda’s childhood. Linda writes about how she and her sister Joy dealt with their mother’s illness and how Linda was affected. Two months into her senior year at Harvard, Linda learns of her mother’s death, which at first pulled her family closer together, but eventually it tore them apart. Sexton writes the full depth of the legacy that was passed on to her. She speaks of her happiness while marrying Jim, and with the birth of their sons Nathaniel and Gabe, yet while Sexton shares many fond memories, she also shares her deeply personal life stories of her depression, being diagnosed as bipolar, her suicide attempts and life in and out of psychiatric wards.She goes through so many psychiatrist's and talks about each one that helped her til she finally found the right doctor. She writes about her divorce to Jim and finding he has a new wife and that sends her over the edge again. She also writes how things start looking up for her when she meets Brad, now her second husband, and knowing she can finally beat this depression.
This book is for advanced readers as the topic is not for young children to read. It was rather difficult at times to read but I understood the meaning later and what she was trying to say. Sexton jumped around a lot in her book and it was hard to figure out what she was talking about but eventually I understood.
The front cover looks like it was painted and at first I did not know it was a girl wearing black looking up at the sky. After I realized this I thought it was interesting then after I read the book I understood it to be Linda staring up at the sky at her mother. The clouds are dark and it looks like a storm is brewing. It made me think while reading the book Linda's suicidal thoughts are always brewing in her head and nothing is stable in her life. I thought the cover went well with the book but I think it is better to read it then after it is easier to understand the cover. It is a very simple picture but there is a lot more to it than at first glance.
I read this book over the summer and I believe it should be read by everybody even if you are not depressed or have lot a loved one by suicide. Most people thinks people who are depressed are just sad and will come out of it but Sexton clearly explains how depression is a sickness and it is hard to overcome especially if it is in the family. People also think suicide can be an act of selfishness but after reading Sexton's memoir, people will think differently about depression and suicide. It helps to explain what severe depression feels like in extremely vivid details as well as the numerous emotions felt before Linda’s suicide attempts and after. Sexton shares with the reader her fears of being like her mother, of the anxieties that surround her as she continually seeks counseling and her feelings of loneliness. After reading this book it helped me realize that my life is not so bad and that other people are suffering a great deal more than me.
This book is for advanced readers as the topic is not for young children to read. It was rather difficult at times to read but I understood the meaning later and what she was trying to say. Sexton jumped around a lot in her book and it was hard to figure out what she was talking about but eventually I understood.
The front cover looks like it was painted and at first I did not know it was a girl wearing black looking up at the sky. After I realized this I thought it was interesting then after I read the book I understood it to be Linda staring up at the sky at her mother. The clouds are dark and it looks like a storm is brewing. It made me think while reading the book Linda's suicidal thoughts are always brewing in her head and nothing is stable in her life. I thought the cover went well with the book but I think it is better to read it then after it is easier to understand the cover. It is a very simple picture but there is a lot more to it than at first glance.
I read this book over the summer and I believe it should be read by everybody even if you are not depressed or have lot a loved one by suicide. Most people thinks people who are depressed are just sad and will come out of it but Sexton clearly explains how depression is a sickness and it is hard to overcome especially if it is in the family. People also think suicide can be an act of selfishness but after reading Sexton's memoir, people will think differently about depression and suicide. It helps to explain what severe depression feels like in extremely vivid details as well as the numerous emotions felt before Linda’s suicide attempts and after. Sexton shares with the reader her fears of being like her mother, of the anxieties that surround her as she continually seeks counseling and her feelings of loneliness. After reading this book it helped me realize that my life is not so bad and that other people are suffering a great deal more than me.
December 1, 2011
I've unfortunately had to watch some very close people to me struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. It's incredibly scary and something that I wish that they never had to go through. These things are not only hard for those going through depression or fighting suicidal thoughts; it's also difficult for the loved ones surrounding that person who only wish they could help or change things for the people that they loved. From personal experience, you feel incredibly lost.
Depression and suicide are definitely heavy topics but I truly believe that they are both topics that really need to be discussed more openly. Hiding doesn't do much to change the situation for those struggling with depression. And that is why I'm always happy to see books like Ms. Sexton's come along. I can't recall reading a book whose author covered depression and suicide in such an open way. Definitely an important read!
Ms. Sexton is incredibly open in her struggle with severe depression and suicide attempts. As the daughter of Anne Sexton, the famous poet who was the victim of suicide, Ms. Sexton is struggling both with her own thoughts and the legacy of suicide. This book is indeed heavy but I think it's so good to be able to read someone who is so upfront with what they went through and how they were able to move forward. It's also written in such a raw, real way that you very easily find yourself pulled into Linda's story.
The end is hopeful in a way. This book is so brave and I really think that it has a good message and could definitely help those dealing with depression and suicide themselves or through their loved ones. Sexton has a strong plan to follow and I found myself rooting for her all the way!
Announcement of Half in Love Contest:
In celebration of the paperback release of Half In Love (Counterpoint/January 2012), Linda Gray Sexton will be sponsoring a giveaway contest of ten books. Starting Monday, December 5th, out of the first thirty people who join the reader board on her website (http://lindagraysexton.com/blog/forums/) to share their stories, thoughts, experiences or questions on depression, suicide, grief, loss and love, ten will be randomly selected to receive a signed copy of the book. (It can be personalized if the winner wishes.) It is an opportunity to share in a supportive community of those have opened their world and themselves as a way of finding both illumination and healing, and to connect with Linda Gray Sexton on her very personal and brave journey in Half in Love.
You might also like:
Labels: 2011, Linda Gray Sexton, memoir, non-fiction
Depression and suicide are definitely heavy topics but I truly believe that they are both topics that really need to be discussed more openly. Hiding doesn't do much to change the situation for those struggling with depression. And that is why I'm always happy to see books like Ms. Sexton's come along. I can't recall reading a book whose author covered depression and suicide in such an open way. Definitely an important read!
Ms. Sexton is incredibly open in her struggle with severe depression and suicide attempts. As the daughter of Anne Sexton, the famous poet who was the victim of suicide, Ms. Sexton is struggling both with her own thoughts and the legacy of suicide. This book is indeed heavy but I think it's so good to be able to read someone who is so upfront with what they went through and how they were able to move forward. It's also written in such a raw, real way that you very easily find yourself pulled into Linda's story.
The end is hopeful in a way. This book is so brave and I really think that it has a good message and could definitely help those dealing with depression and suicide themselves or through their loved ones. Sexton has a strong plan to follow and I found myself rooting for her all the way!
Announcement of Half in Love Contest:
In celebration of the paperback release of Half In Love (Counterpoint/January 2012), Linda Gray Sexton will be sponsoring a giveaway contest of ten books. Starting Monday, December 5th, out of the first thirty people who join the reader board on her website (http://lindagraysexton.com/blog/forums/) to share their stories, thoughts, experiences or questions on depression, suicide, grief, loss and love, ten will be randomly selected to receive a signed copy of the book. (It can be personalized if the winner wishes.) It is an opportunity to share in a supportive community of those have opened their world and themselves as a way of finding both illumination and healing, and to connect with Linda Gray Sexton on her very personal and brave journey in Half in Love.
You might also like:
Labels: 2011, Linda Gray Sexton, memoir, non-fiction
February 18, 2011
i'm not quite sure i stopped talking about this book for weeks. Linda's account of her own depression and picking up the legacy of her mother while, at every moment being conscious of what that meant she was doing to her family and her children (having been the child of a depressed and suicidal mother) was very moving. not self pitying or overly involved. just very plainly telling the truth about what depression is and how it can overtake you - past what you promises you make and what you know in your heart is the "right thing" to do.
i was so moved by the idea of her thoughts of legacy. how she was picking up her mother's legacy and passing that on to her children and how she really explored that.
quotes:
"...friends-thought of this quintessential act of self-destruction as a self-indulgent, self-involved, selfish choice-or even a temper tantrum that took no one else into consideration. But now I saw the reality of it: interior pain, urgent, could indeed pressure you to take your own life. What once I had tried so hard to avoid and push away with such determination for over forty years, suddenly seemed natural, and I ached to surrender to it. All those years of denying I had missed her toppled in an instant, and now here was the truth: despite the years of relishing my independence from my mother, I now wanted to be by her side once again."
"And yet, I wanted a great deal: to be forgiven for having taken a step I believed I was entitled to take, but which would inevitably alienate me from those I loved, even if, most especially those actions emanated from a disordered mind. I had to accept the fact that I would be blamed by those who could not-or would not-understand me.... My friends and family just wished it would all go away and Linda would go back to being Linda, the way we had all once wished that Anne would go back to being Anne. Ultimately, the bare bones fact is that no one wants to deal with a suicide."
i was so moved by the idea of her thoughts of legacy. how she was picking up her mother's legacy and passing that on to her children and how she really explored that.
quotes:
"...friends-thought of this quintessential act of self-destruction as a self-indulgent, self-involved, selfish choice-or even a temper tantrum that took no one else into consideration. But now I saw the reality of it: interior pain, urgent, could indeed pressure you to take your own life. What once I had tried so hard to avoid and push away with such determination for over forty years, suddenly seemed natural, and I ached to surrender to it. All those years of denying I had missed her toppled in an instant, and now here was the truth: despite the years of relishing my independence from my mother, I now wanted to be by her side once again."
"And yet, I wanted a great deal: to be forgiven for having taken a step I believed I was entitled to take, but which would inevitably alienate me from those I loved, even if, most especially those actions emanated from a disordered mind. I had to accept the fact that I would be blamed by those who could not-or would not-understand me.... My friends and family just wished it would all go away and Linda would go back to being Linda, the way we had all once wished that Anne would go back to being Anne. Ultimately, the bare bones fact is that no one wants to deal with a suicide."
February 3, 2015
Anne Sexton, a contemporary poet of Sylvia Plath, took her own life and left a legacy of suicide for her daughter, Linda. Linda writes with poignancy and grace about the hole left in her life after her mother’s repeated attempts at suicide, and then her final successful attempt while Anne was away at college. Linda has a poetical writing style of her own and tells a great, empathetic, heartfelt story about her own difficulties and challenges with her husband and later divorce and remarriage, and her attempts on her own life despite the fact that she also had two sons. For those of you who have dealt with suicide, I offer you some pearls of wisdom in Linda’s own words. “The belief that love can conquer immense pain in the life of the ordinary person is another way in which the legacy of suicide continues to be handed down generation to generation, damaging all family members. This misperception traumatizes those who experience the loss of someone close (certain that if they had only been more worthy, their friend or family member would have loved them enough to bear the suffering), and it also becomes an obstacle for those who survive the attempt to end their own lives” (215). Writing about her mother’s suicide and her own attempts as well is certainly a brave undertaking. I like how Linda explained the whole process herself, on page 247, “Determining to dip into a life experience that might be difficult in its telling but uplifting in its conclusion, the idea of helping other people . . . took precedence over worry about baring my life and demanded to be expressed in the only way I knew how. And so, every once in a while, I picked up my pen.” As an English teacher, and a teacher of Language & Composition, this is a great explanation of why writing is so good for a person’s soul – now if I can only get my students to believe that . . .
February 17, 2017
Fascinated by what is now proved to be a legacy of suicidal tendencies in families.
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