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192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1924
“And how have you been?” he asked instead. Next to his life as a coachman-drifter, running to so many volumes, my own adventures would fill only a few measly sentences… “What do you bring us from Africa?”
“Syphilis,” I replied mechanically.
Love is the most profound aesthetic experience in a person’s life. Faith cannot compete. It and love tend to go their separate ways – though they do often stage reunions on battlefields, taking refuge together, as when they were first born, in men stricken with fear, nothing more than the terrified playthings of God.
Once, men possessed the sea, the mountains, and the stars. They put them to use in their poetry, in their dreams and deaths. Today, however…
When night comes, crowds hit the old neighborhoods like herds of boars escaping the purest of women (Diana) – clerks twisted and gnawed by their desires till they resemble the old files from their offices, the sex maniacs, vampires, and still-ashamed pederasts, all looking for refuge in the slums and suburbs and peeping into the buildings there, unbuttoning their pants and pissing at random against the walls and trees.
In a pit, among the garbage heaps, a woman who was really still a girl was poking at the ground. She was burying a biscuit tin containing six playing cards with a pin stuck through them, a piece of lodestone, the hearts of two doves, and a cameo of her seducer.
Bougival is full of old women. Their big faces fill the windowpanes. My God, how old they are! Not even death can get their attention. They'll only die once they finally tire of listening to the ringing of the village bells.
December 31, 18--
We had a large carriage depot in Bougival. Come evening, these heretofore idle carriages would depart for Paris. They were our town's only night owls. In a cafe, "Au Rendez-vous des chochers," the drivers would get together for wine. Among those wide, paunchy men with their flush faces, I met one who was exceptionally wide, paunchy, and flushed: his face was a beet with two little holes that opened to allow his eyes to peer out. On top of that, these eyes hid under a single eyebrow, life the forehead-strap on a muzzle.
The man was a rag torn off some holy cassock. A defrocked priest. He took me along with him until the road to Mont Valerian sometimes, recounting the secrets of his adventurous life as a coachman, enjoying himself immensely, as if he though of himself as one of the Eugene Sue characters that appeared weekly in the newspaper serials.
May 19, 18--
"I'm thinking about writing a book," I said, "a book that would be a sort of symptomatic journal of my disease that could serve as a source of information for doctors and literary types both. This idea came knocking at my door as twilight fell...I let it seduce me as though I were just another conquest...Even though I know that writing a book is the greatest shame than an original mind can bring upon itself."
"But--I want to write a book, Raimundo. A book that will make my illness into an iridescent fantasy..."
November 6, 18--
They (writers) publish books for the pleasure of seeing them printed and bound, without remembering the saddest aspects of their lives will end up contained in those pages.
But wouldn't my book be a result of my desire to commit a crime, and thus be part of it? Wouldn't every page be a sliver of glass in the daily soup of my fellow citizens?
A book is the vegetal pulp left behind by man. And now, after countless centuries of digging up and studying palimpsests and engraved tablets, they're saying that we should just allow those dead, abandoned cities to become buried again beneath the windblown sentiment...
A book is a slow, unavoidable catastrophe.