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The Authentic Heart: An Eightfold Path to Midlife Love
The richest, most fulfilling love of your life is yet to come! "The Authentic Heart offers practical, wise, and compassionate guidance for midlife love."--Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart and After the Ecstasy, the Laundry "The Authentic Heart is a groundbreaking, insightful, warmly written book that I highly recommend to anyone wanting more loving, joyful relationships. John Amodeo addresses with great clarity, wisdom, and practicality the key steps that are necessary for building authentic, mature, loving connections--not only with others, but also with oneself."--John Bradshaw, New York Times bestselling author of Healing the Shame that Binds You "Just what millions want to know--not only how to make love last but how to make lasting love new again and again. This warmhearted and clearheaded book is full of practical wisdom."--Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., authors of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart As you enter midlife, you may feel that something you've always longed for has never happened. Frustrated, you may give up on love or cling to young images of romantic love, hoping that another person will furnish happiness. You may experience a growing sense of depression, anxiety, or cynicism. But as psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. John Amodeo explains, authentic love takes time and maturity. At midlife, you hold the extraordinary potential to become more fully awake and alive in your relationships than ever before. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Amodeo helps you rediscover love at its best. You'll learn how to overcome the psychological obstacles that have kept you from developing satisfying relationships. And you'll learn the eight enriching steps that release your authentic self for the fullness of genuine connection. Whether you're seeking true love for the first time or wish to deepen the joy and meaning in your current relationship, The Authentic Heart guides you along the path to a more vibrant partnership in the prime of your life.
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 22, 2001
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
February 7, 2018
The Authentic Heart: An Eightfold Path of Midlife Love, by John Amodeo
This is a book that teaches us not solely about midlife love, but about a path to authentic relationships with ourselves, and with all who come into our path. The path to ever expanding our authenticity applies equally to those already in marriages and relationships as well as those, like me, who are hoping to find and grow such a relationship.
I happened across this book at my local library, while I was picking up a different book on midlife by James Hollis. The Authentic Heart was sitting right next to the book I was intending to borrow. I picked up both, and went on my merry way, and I'm so glad that I did!
Was it Relevant? As it happens at times, this book was equally or even more relevant to my life today, than the Hollis book I originally went for. I thought it might be a bit preachy and idealistic as some books on conscious relationships can be, leaving the reader feeling far from up to the task. However, as I made my way through, chapter by chapter, I found that the topic of the day would often relate eerily well to conflicts or concerns in my life. I'm now 40, and going through the transitions of that age in as conscious a manner as I can be, questioning career path, and the likelihood of a conscious romantic partnership arriving in my life, and my own readiness for these ideals, and so on. Overall, while reading this book, I predominantly felt hope and encouragement rather than being somehow lacking in capacity for the journey.
What I Liked:
I have a Buddhist mindfulness passion and perspective on life, and I really appreciated reading a book that looks at life and love from this perspective, without expecting those seeking to follow a spiritual path to all eschew romantic love. However, this is not specifically a Buddhist book. He uses Christian, Sufi and other wisdom as well. Wisdom is universally applicable, helps us truly follow our own faith, and I feel that that is what is offered here.
I found the book gentle, and extraordinarily complete in its coverage of love, the blocks we have to giving and receiving it, and the way through this journey. I also felt hopeful, that conscious midlife love could actually be possible, instead of the pessimism that can come after many so-called “failed” attempts at love.
The eightfold path outlined takes the reader from understanding young love versus mature love, identifying shame that distances us from others and ourselves, becoming authentic, setting boundaries, learning to soothe ourselves and stay connected to ourselves, respecting others through kind and honest conversation, building trust by staying committed to the process of growth, and deepening our understanding of love and deeper sexuality within that commitment of growth & partnership, as well as beyond into the world.
I appreciated the discussion of authenticity, of self-awareness and body-awareness being necessary to even begin to understand a need for boundaries and what flexible boundaries are best implemented in my life. I loved the validation around feelings being completely valid, an incredibly wise information system that we have been given, and can begin to learn from and honour, with mindfulness. As well as the need for logic, confirming with others before necessarily acting upon every feeling that comes one's way. His discussion of offering soft, receptive eyes and a welcoming presence for other people really touched my heart and I had to admit that I often do not offer this type of presence in certain relationships, such as work colleagues or my children.
I appreciated this clear-eyed look at the reality of marriage, and the acknowledgement of the complexity of the questions related to whether to stay in a marriage, or commit to being in one.
On page 214, he quotes James Hollis (synchronicity again!), “When one spouse continues to block change, be assured that he or she is still controlled by anxiety, and invested in the projections of the first adulthood. [...] No one has the right to block the development of another; that is a spiritual crime.”
What I Didn't Enjoy:
There wasn't a lot that I didn't enjoy in this book. At some points, it dragged for me, merely because I already practice a lot of meditation and bodily awareness. Therefore, some portions were a review. But I read through them nonetheless, because the author had convinced me that I might find new nuggets of wisdom or new perspectives among the old.
Quotes from the book that I particularly loved:
It is the distortion of who we really are that leads to problems for self and society. Destructive behaviour reflects the rage of not being allowed to be and become our authentic self. pg. 48
Suffering can be greatly exacerbated by critical thoughts, but usually your thoughts are not totally responsible for creating your pain. Experiencing hurt and pain is simply part of being human. pg. 152
The very realization of how you're not being genuine is the beginning of authenticity. Pg. 94
The demand for commitment is actually a plea for involvement. pg. 211
Love relationships support you to grow, they don't do the growing for you. pg. 212
Feelings don't happen randomly. They arise from a wider ground of being. They make sense even if you're not sure how. They contain a wisdom that calls for attention. pg. 268
Summary: This is as complete and generous a book offering as I have ever read, and even while skimming for quotes just now, I realize there's so much more material. I'd like to re-read it! It's like a journey through life and love to our inner Self. Fully worth the journey, and I bow to the author's diligence in providing such a thorough guide.
Personally, I received so much from this book. I may bestow my highest honour upon a library book read, which is to go out and purchase a physical copy of my own. I hope you'll give it a read & perhaps receive these gifts too!
This is a book that teaches us not solely about midlife love, but about a path to authentic relationships with ourselves, and with all who come into our path. The path to ever expanding our authenticity applies equally to those already in marriages and relationships as well as those, like me, who are hoping to find and grow such a relationship.
I happened across this book at my local library, while I was picking up a different book on midlife by James Hollis. The Authentic Heart was sitting right next to the book I was intending to borrow. I picked up both, and went on my merry way, and I'm so glad that I did!
Was it Relevant? As it happens at times, this book was equally or even more relevant to my life today, than the Hollis book I originally went for. I thought it might be a bit preachy and idealistic as some books on conscious relationships can be, leaving the reader feeling far from up to the task. However, as I made my way through, chapter by chapter, I found that the topic of the day would often relate eerily well to conflicts or concerns in my life. I'm now 40, and going through the transitions of that age in as conscious a manner as I can be, questioning career path, and the likelihood of a conscious romantic partnership arriving in my life, and my own readiness for these ideals, and so on. Overall, while reading this book, I predominantly felt hope and encouragement rather than being somehow lacking in capacity for the journey.
What I Liked:
I have a Buddhist mindfulness passion and perspective on life, and I really appreciated reading a book that looks at life and love from this perspective, without expecting those seeking to follow a spiritual path to all eschew romantic love. However, this is not specifically a Buddhist book. He uses Christian, Sufi and other wisdom as well. Wisdom is universally applicable, helps us truly follow our own faith, and I feel that that is what is offered here.
I found the book gentle, and extraordinarily complete in its coverage of love, the blocks we have to giving and receiving it, and the way through this journey. I also felt hopeful, that conscious midlife love could actually be possible, instead of the pessimism that can come after many so-called “failed” attempts at love.
The eightfold path outlined takes the reader from understanding young love versus mature love, identifying shame that distances us from others and ourselves, becoming authentic, setting boundaries, learning to soothe ourselves and stay connected to ourselves, respecting others through kind and honest conversation, building trust by staying committed to the process of growth, and deepening our understanding of love and deeper sexuality within that commitment of growth & partnership, as well as beyond into the world.
I appreciated the discussion of authenticity, of self-awareness and body-awareness being necessary to even begin to understand a need for boundaries and what flexible boundaries are best implemented in my life. I loved the validation around feelings being completely valid, an incredibly wise information system that we have been given, and can begin to learn from and honour, with mindfulness. As well as the need for logic, confirming with others before necessarily acting upon every feeling that comes one's way. His discussion of offering soft, receptive eyes and a welcoming presence for other people really touched my heart and I had to admit that I often do not offer this type of presence in certain relationships, such as work colleagues or my children.
I appreciated this clear-eyed look at the reality of marriage, and the acknowledgement of the complexity of the questions related to whether to stay in a marriage, or commit to being in one.
On page 214, he quotes James Hollis (synchronicity again!), “When one spouse continues to block change, be assured that he or she is still controlled by anxiety, and invested in the projections of the first adulthood. [...] No one has the right to block the development of another; that is a spiritual crime.”
What I Didn't Enjoy:
There wasn't a lot that I didn't enjoy in this book. At some points, it dragged for me, merely because I already practice a lot of meditation and bodily awareness. Therefore, some portions were a review. But I read through them nonetheless, because the author had convinced me that I might find new nuggets of wisdom or new perspectives among the old.
Quotes from the book that I particularly loved:
It is the distortion of who we really are that leads to problems for self and society. Destructive behaviour reflects the rage of not being allowed to be and become our authentic self. pg. 48
Suffering can be greatly exacerbated by critical thoughts, but usually your thoughts are not totally responsible for creating your pain. Experiencing hurt and pain is simply part of being human. pg. 152
The very realization of how you're not being genuine is the beginning of authenticity. Pg. 94
The demand for commitment is actually a plea for involvement. pg. 211
Love relationships support you to grow, they don't do the growing for you. pg. 212
Feelings don't happen randomly. They arise from a wider ground of being. They make sense even if you're not sure how. They contain a wisdom that calls for attention. pg. 268
Summary: This is as complete and generous a book offering as I have ever read, and even while skimming for quotes just now, I realize there's so much more material. I'd like to re-read it! It's like a journey through life and love to our inner Self. Fully worth the journey, and I bow to the author's diligence in providing such a thorough guide.
Personally, I received so much from this book. I may bestow my highest honour upon a library book read, which is to go out and purchase a physical copy of my own. I hope you'll give it a read & perhaps receive these gifts too!
January 31, 2020
I read this book when I was in search of what love is. Maybe because of society where I grew up, I had these queries in mind if love really is valued the most. This book helped me to understand that love is not what we watch on romantic movies, read on romantic-tragic novels and what we hear in ardent love songs. It will show you what is truly intimate relationship that is based on authentic heart. This book also will explain the scenario in modern or technological world whereby love is superseded by the expression of lust, wealth etc.
However, what is important from this is enlightening us that LOVE is not about Romeo and Juliet that most of the youths today fantasize.
However, what is important from this is enlightening us that LOVE is not about Romeo and Juliet that most of the youths today fantasize.
January 2, 2013
I'm still processing a lot of the info in this book, so I'll update my notes after a re-read of some of the places I bookmarked.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews