Cliques: Eight Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle

by Charlene C. Giannetti, Margaret Sagarese

In the first book to focus on the traumatic effects caused by cliques in our schools, an acclaimed parenting-advice team offers a fresh perspective and an innovative eight-step program to turn around the culture of cruelty that torments all students.

There have always been "in crowds," but today's social pressures force children into explosive, destructive, and even life-threatening situations. No matter what role your child plays in this schoolhouse drama--clique leader, victim, or innocent bystander--this book is a must-read. Giannetti and Sagarese have honed in on this little-understood phenomenon and come up with insights that parents can use immediately. Read Cliques to understand:

* Who the clique leaders are in your child's school
* What you can do NOW to help your child avoid abuse
* Times during the day when cliques are visible to adults
* Where in your school you should start to lobby for change
* Why your "innocent bystander" may not be so innocent
* How you can rid your child of bully-like behavior

Cliques is more than just a manual for cheering your child on--it brings hope and a truly comprehensive understanding of adolescent society to the millions of families struggling against this divisive force. Within its pages, you will find the tools you need to make a difference.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

256 pages

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not exactly what I was looking for, but a good idea for another time.

[The Reading Countess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I checked this timely book out from our public library based solely on the book's title. This is an issue that I struggle with not only as a teacher of fifth graders, but also as a parent of a middle schooler. Navigating the tween years is often rocky, and I was hoping to gain some sage words to use for my son and my students. Although helpful, this one wasn't the "a-ha" book I was hoping it would be. Perhaps that's because there is no magic elixir. We all suffer the aches and pains of this age, and no words can make it magically disappear. But Giannetti and Sagarese do a service to parents and teachers with their book, nonetheless.
Gems:
Feelings: At the Root of Friendships
1. A child who can manage feelings will form more meaningful, lasting relationships.
2. A child who can manage "bad" feelings-anger, hatred, anxiety-won't alienate those who might be friends.
3. A child who can manage feelings will have high self-esteem and be able to bettter weather the tricky waters of cliques.
4. A child who can read the emotions of others will also be able to deliver the appropriate responses and be someone who is sought out, not avoided, as a friend. (38-39)
Building a Comeback Kid
1. Show your child that like the tango, tormenting takes two.
2. Write a recipe for starving the bully.

3. Role-play verbal comebacks between your child and her harrasser.
4. Alert your child to know when to run.
5. Help your child find one supportive ally.
6. Show your victim how others cope and triumph.
7. Break down social skills and practice, practice, practice.
8. Give your child the precise vocabulary to define moments of humiliation.(p. 102-107)
Helping Your Bystander Intervene
1. Don't watch
2. Don't react
3. Don't gossip
4. Combat gossip with the truth
5. Offer verbal support in private
6. Offer other support
7. Offer support in front of the clique leader
8. Gather others
9. Align with the victim
10. Work with the victim
11. create a distraction
12. Use humor
13. Extend an invitation
14. Start an on-line support group
15. Appeal to the clique leader
16. Keep a reacord
17. Confront the bully
18. Get a teacher involved
19. Get a parent involved

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

The authors did a good job of delineating social structure and explaining the positives and negatives of belonging to any social class.

[Gillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is helping me understand some of the stresses happening in the preteen to teen world and what I can do about it to equip my son for the competitive world of the classroom.