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The Mentor: A Memoir of Friendship and Gay Identity
Examine a moving, personal narrative about growing up gay in the south!Students, teachers, and anyone interested in gay studies and experiences will find that The A Memoir of Friendship and Gay Identity (a 2001 Lambda Literary Foundation Gay Male Biography/Autobiography Award finalist) delivers a captivating and honest look into the challenges of growing up gay through the context of firsthand experiences, revelations, and realizations. This unique book is an intelligent and personal narrative that considers the social, religious, and emotional aspects of what it is like to grow up as a gay male in the south and examines the enormous social changes regarding homosexuality that have taken place in America during the last half of the century. Written to reveal the importance of the author's mentor in helping him form his self-identity and educating him about being gay, this book challenges the stereotypical idea that, unlike heterosexuals, gay men are not able to form nurturing, fulfilling bonds between themselves. The Mentor delivers an inspiring story about accepting and understanding your sexuality with the help and guidance of other men who have traveled the road to a successful gay identity.This unique book offers the courage, strength, and support of a mentor to help guide you through the trials that many young gay men experience, such Sincere and well-written, The Mentor provides insight into everything from the author's experience with intolerance of homosexuality by certain religions to struggles with fidelity and infidelity, illustrating the difficult yet universal challenges of life relationships. The Mentor contains suggestions that will help you recognize that your feelings of desire and love and your quest for human connection as a gay man are not the distorted reflections of a heterosexual image, but a healthy gay identity. With this unique book, you will discover how to make the shift from confusion to full acceptance of your gay identity, you will understand that you are not alone, and perhaps you will be encouraged to pass on the legacy of a mentor to other young gay men.
206 pages, Paperback
First published March 15, 2000
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October 8, 2022
Vague, misleading and confusing gay memoir that is too short at 180 pages and has almost nothing to do with gay mentoring. Not quite sure how this got published--it's so poorly written, unorganized, and poorly edited. It feels incomplete and inconsequential, though it tries really hard to make a weak stand about how poorly the government treats gay men.
It's hard to describe what a mess this book is. From the start there is confusion about the supposed "mentor" of the title. The older guy doesn't have much to do with Jay Quinn beyond taking him to a few gay bars and introducing the younger guy to the gay sex community. They were what most of us would call good friends, not mentor/mentee. But the two never actually have sex, they are purely friends and call themselves dad/son in a creepy exchange that started with their first night at a bar together.
Oddly, we don't find out about that until the middle of the short book. Before that we hear about their parallel lives (which really aren't that similar), including the fact that both grew up Baptist but the "mentor" became Anglican while the author went Roman Catholic. You read that right. A gay man that has sex with hundreds of strangers he met at gay bars in the middle of it all becomes Catholic, the most anti-practicing-homosexuality Christian institution.
Quinn tries to justify it in a few paragraphs, but (as with the rest of the book) it's confusing, illogical, and ultimately nonsense. His theology is really immature and once that weird chapter is done God really isn't brought up again through all of Quinn's addictions to sex, drugs, drinking and smoking. I guess he found a theology that, in his words, allow you to sin however you want and then be forgiven repeatedly, no matter how many times you do wrong--and since that Church thinks homosexual behavior is just another sin, then Quinn says he has no guilt being a member because everyone sins.
He writes "The Roman Catholic Church doesn't dictate my spirituality." Well, then why be a member? He also tosses in that he uses an astrologer to tell the future (how does that fit into his supposed faith?) and that his mentor was called to be an evangelical preacher but instead uses that "talent" to advocate for those with AIDS--which doesn't seem like the same calling no matter how many times Quinn says it.
Jay has much to be forgiven for--he is a self-admitted horrible person and tells some stories about being extremely mean and indictive to others. Due to the book's bizarre failure to use dates or years, there's no telling how those fit into his overall timeline (since there isn't one) and the impression is left that he continues to be an evil person up to this day. That may earn bragging rights in the gay community but doesn't score points outside it.
A number of supposedly serious relationships are scattered through the book, both for Quinn and his mentor, but again they lack enough details to understand them. There are a few brief descriptive sex scenes but not many, and in just about every circumstance whenever the author mentions an unusual situation he never goes into depth about it. Then near the end we finally hear that Quinn was a lifeguard for a summer when he was 33 (thus the cover photo) and he was going to have sex with a 16-year-old boy in the pool. The kid didn't show on the schedule after-hours meeting, but it's an odd thing to even mention since it's illegal and immoral and workplace abuse. Maybe he thinks confession is good for the soul, but it makes the reader realize how bad this guy really is.
There is the typical rant-at-the-government for the AIDS crisis and as other books do this ignores the fact that many of the gay men that had AIDS in the early days chose to behave in a way that put them in a dangerous situation and are responsible for their choices. The surprise here is that this isn't an anti-conservative propaganda book; instead the writer actually calls out Bill Clinton for being a hypocrite! And when was the following sentence last written in a queer memoir--"I cannot adhere soley to the rhetoric of the gay community (or) the Democratic Party." That was refreshing and I give that small aspect of this book five stars.
The ending is a quick wrap-up that says nothing, and his final words are from Saint Augustine, "Love God, and do what you will." I guess that's his theology. But if he took the time to think about it, doing what you will is the main (not the only) reason for the AIDS crisis, and excusing away bad behavior under the guise of spiritual forgiveness is just plain irresponsible. Too bad Jay Quinn didn't have a real mentor.
It's hard to describe what a mess this book is. From the start there is confusion about the supposed "mentor" of the title. The older guy doesn't have much to do with Jay Quinn beyond taking him to a few gay bars and introducing the younger guy to the gay sex community. They were what most of us would call good friends, not mentor/mentee. But the two never actually have sex, they are purely friends and call themselves dad/son in a creepy exchange that started with their first night at a bar together.
Oddly, we don't find out about that until the middle of the short book. Before that we hear about their parallel lives (which really aren't that similar), including the fact that both grew up Baptist but the "mentor" became Anglican while the author went Roman Catholic. You read that right. A gay man that has sex with hundreds of strangers he met at gay bars in the middle of it all becomes Catholic, the most anti-practicing-homosexuality Christian institution.
Quinn tries to justify it in a few paragraphs, but (as with the rest of the book) it's confusing, illogical, and ultimately nonsense. His theology is really immature and once that weird chapter is done God really isn't brought up again through all of Quinn's addictions to sex, drugs, drinking and smoking. I guess he found a theology that, in his words, allow you to sin however you want and then be forgiven repeatedly, no matter how many times you do wrong--and since that Church thinks homosexual behavior is just another sin, then Quinn says he has no guilt being a member because everyone sins.
He writes "The Roman Catholic Church doesn't dictate my spirituality." Well, then why be a member? He also tosses in that he uses an astrologer to tell the future (how does that fit into his supposed faith?) and that his mentor was called to be an evangelical preacher but instead uses that "talent" to advocate for those with AIDS--which doesn't seem like the same calling no matter how many times Quinn says it.
Jay has much to be forgiven for--he is a self-admitted horrible person and tells some stories about being extremely mean and indictive to others. Due to the book's bizarre failure to use dates or years, there's no telling how those fit into his overall timeline (since there isn't one) and the impression is left that he continues to be an evil person up to this day. That may earn bragging rights in the gay community but doesn't score points outside it.
A number of supposedly serious relationships are scattered through the book, both for Quinn and his mentor, but again they lack enough details to understand them. There are a few brief descriptive sex scenes but not many, and in just about every circumstance whenever the author mentions an unusual situation he never goes into depth about it. Then near the end we finally hear that Quinn was a lifeguard for a summer when he was 33 (thus the cover photo) and he was going to have sex with a 16-year-old boy in the pool. The kid didn't show on the schedule after-hours meeting, but it's an odd thing to even mention since it's illegal and immoral and workplace abuse. Maybe he thinks confession is good for the soul, but it makes the reader realize how bad this guy really is.
There is the typical rant-at-the-government for the AIDS crisis and as other books do this ignores the fact that many of the gay men that had AIDS in the early days chose to behave in a way that put them in a dangerous situation and are responsible for their choices. The surprise here is that this isn't an anti-conservative propaganda book; instead the writer actually calls out Bill Clinton for being a hypocrite! And when was the following sentence last written in a queer memoir--"I cannot adhere soley to the rhetoric of the gay community (or) the Democratic Party." That was refreshing and I give that small aspect of this book five stars.
The ending is a quick wrap-up that says nothing, and his final words are from Saint Augustine, "Love God, and do what you will." I guess that's his theology. But if he took the time to think about it, doing what you will is the main (not the only) reason for the AIDS crisis, and excusing away bad behavior under the guise of spiritual forgiveness is just plain irresponsible. Too bad Jay Quinn didn't have a real mentor.
Displaying 1 of 1 review