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Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children
Addressing the often-overlooked spiritual needs of mothers, this book discusses Buddhist teachings as applied to the everyday challenges and stresses of raising children. Offered are ways for mothers to reconnect with their inner selves and become calmer and happier—with the recognition that a happier mother will be a better parent. This realistic look at motherhood acknowledges the sorrows as well as the joys of mothering and offers real and achievable coping strategies for mothers to renew their lives on a deep level.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
327 people are currently reading
2832 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Napthali
17 books68 followersSarah Napthali is a mother of two young boys who tries to apply Buddhist teachings in her daily life. Her working life has ranged from teaching English as a Second Language and corporate training, to human rights activism and interpreting. Since becoming a mother she has focussed on writing, initially for companies and later for individuals wanting to record their memoirs. With seven memoirs completed, she is also the author of Buddhism for Mothers (Allen & Unwin, 2003) which has sold 54,000 copies around the world and been translated into eight languages to date. Since the children started school, Sarah is very pleased to report that she manages to meditate daily.
from http://www.allenandunwin.com/default....
from http://www.allenandunwin.com/default....
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 211 reviews
July 7, 2007
The most meaningful parenting book I've read (and I've read a lot). Using realistic anecdotes from her own life to illustrate Buddhist principles, she clearly illustrates the ways that Buddhism as a philosophy (as opposed to a religious dogma) can help any parent. Rather than giving me specific strategies to cure my children's behavior problems--like most books do--she goes at it by looking at the only thing I really CAN fix: my own response to the behavior. It all worked so well that I immediately reread it, and it launched my recent appetite for learning about all things Buddhist.
February 4, 2008
This has been one of my favorite parenting books to date. It is an easy-to-understand Buddhist approach to living with children. This is the book that really put into perspective for me that my children come from me, but are not me. On a daily basis I have to remind myself that my children are autonomous human beings with minds that I can never know, only experience in increments. I also felt like the guidance in this book regarding how to be the calm [or find humor] in the center of chaos was practical.
October 28, 2019
Realistisch, haalbaar, wijs, praktisch, onmiddellijk toepasbaar. Heel graag gelezen. En ik ga het wellicht nog eens lezen om het allemaal nog beter te laten doordringen.
"We rennen rond als gekken en slagen er misschien wel in om onszelf af te leiden van onze innerlijke wereld, maar uiteindelijk voelen we toch de behoefte om te stoppen en tijd te maken om gewoon te 'zijn' (...) Als we leren om ons geluk binnen onszelf te zoeken in plaats van het aan de uiterlijke omstandigheden te koppelen, kunnen we de kracht vinden om de beproevingen waarmee we te maken krijgen te doorstaan."
"We rennen rond als gekken en slagen er misschien wel in om onszelf af te leiden van onze innerlijke wereld, maar uiteindelijk voelen we toch de behoefte om te stoppen en tijd te maken om gewoon te 'zijn' (...) Als we leren om ons geluk binnen onszelf te zoeken in plaats van het aan de uiterlijke omstandigheden te koppelen, kunnen we de kracht vinden om de beproevingen waarmee we te maken krijgen te doorstaan."
October 6, 2008
A good 'reminder' book for parents. While I don't see myself becoming an 'official' Buddhist anytime soon, I did find lots of helpful ideas and tools in this book for my never-ending quest for mindful and compassionate parenting (which seems like it should be a no-brainer, but everyone with kids knows different!).
I really like the take that Napthali takes on parents as meditators - to parapharse:
It is nice to have unlimited time to meditate, but parents of small children are really on the hardest 'spiritual path' that could be invented. The entire world seems to be hell-bent on pulling focus from the present moment, but with thought it is possible to stay in the moment more often. And if you can do that as a parent, you can do damn near any other meditation task set to you!
I really like the take that Napthali takes on parents as meditators - to parapharse:
It is nice to have unlimited time to meditate, but parents of small children are really on the hardest 'spiritual path' that could be invented. The entire world seems to be hell-bent on pulling focus from the present moment, but with thought it is possible to stay in the moment more often. And if you can do that as a parent, you can do damn near any other meditation task set to you!
September 20, 2014
I discovered this book through Goodreads and I borrowed it from our local library. I thought it would be a good book to help me be more mindful, present, calmer, and patient.
I read this book slowly, trying to absorb the lessons and really take in the material just a little at a time. It's a very worthwhile read, and I really think it will help me to be more patient and calm with our girls.
Whether I pursue an enlightened path or merely try to learn some practical ways to embrace gratitude and kindness in my life, I think it's a good book for all mothers.
interesting quotes:
"Tossed around by the needs of others, mothers give and give, so we must find ways to replenish ourselves. The teachings of Buddha equip us with a multitude of resources for this job, providing us with insights on coping with disturbing emotions and thoughts, as well as on living with others more calmly and happily." (p. 3)
"Since there is no external savior, it is up to each of you to work out your own liberation." (p. 4)
"A life typically includes birth, ageing, pain and death. We can spend our lives distracting ourselves from these facts but they are inescapable." (p. 6)
"Mindfulness saves energy and time. With poor concentration, we need to repeat some of our actions because we didn't perform them mindfully the first time. An unclear mind may cause you to forget where you put things, why you came into a room, whether you locked the car, even your train of thought mid-conversation. Mindfulness counteracts absent-mindedness and cultivates mental sharpness." (p. 24)
"Refusing to rate what we perceive helps us to cultivate feelings of acceptance rather than judgment, as we stop demanding that life be other than it is." (p. 29)
"All phenomena are interdependent, with our every act conditioning the next one. Nothing arises by itself. In this verse, the Buddha shows the importance of thoughts in creating our karma:
The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops the habit;
And habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings." (p. 34)
"We torment ourselves with thoughts that whatever we are doing at the moment we should really be doing something else. When we do housework, for example, we feel that we should really be reading books with our children and vice versa." (p. 48)
"Each moment is brilliantly new. It will not last, for it is in the process of changing into something else - this makes it precious." (p. 54)
"Even still, our higher standard of living can't spare us from suffering and imperfection, regardless of what modern technology and advertisements promise. Modern women only experience new ways to suffer, as do modern men, for this is the nature of existence. What makes modern suffering especially painful is our belief that we needn't suffer, that we can't tolerate any discomfort and must stamp it out at any cost. We demand that life be other than it is, become attached to our vision of what should be, and feel intensely frustrated when our expectations are dashed." (p. 85)
Adrienne Howley: "The mind free of worry...knows that it is not what happens to us that is of prime importance but how we react to it." (p. 85)
"There is no immunisation against hurt. There is no protection against cruelty. For all the things I can do for her, saving my daughter from life's hard twists is not one of them. Tough lesson all the way round." (p. 91)
"No matter what we experience it will pass. Not only that, it will change form and vary in intensity." (p. 92)
"It's during the hard times that we have the best opportunities to learn about ourselves and develop self-awareness." (p. 96)
"Through Buddhism I've realised that many of the trouble spots I've experienced with friends over the years have been due to an insensitive clinging to my own views. In situations where restraint would have been the wisest option, I've felt compelled to express my opinion, often trampling over a friend's feelings. In defense of a cherished belief, I've failed to listen with openness to others or I've hastily expressed a view without regard to the complexities of the situation." (pp. 102-103)
"To live lovingly simplifies our lives by purifying our minds and removing much of the guilt, anger, and stress from our relationships. We experience mental stability as we spend less time thinking about ourselves. Our own problems begin to fade in significance and we discover mental clarity and improved concentration. We become less petty, judgemental and fault-finding as we grow more interested in the well-being of others." (p. 107)
"The Buddha claimed that real love has four qualities: loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These four divine dwelling places are interdependent and overlapping, acting like a system of checks and balances that help us question whether our love for others is genuine." (p. 108)
"Importantly, when we act with loving kindness, we don't expect anything in return and, again, being mothers has taught us the art of giving without expecting a reward. When we practice loving kindness, the way people react to us becomes irrelevant, for the joy of having a loving mind is the only reward we need." (p. 109)
Adam Lindsay Gordon:
"Life is mostly froth and bubble
Two things stand like stone
Kindness in another's trouble
Courage in your own." (p. 109)
"...compassion isn't about 'feeling sorry' for people, in the sense of a patronising form of pity, but rather a recognition that we're all in this together, we all seek happiness and freedom from suffering." (p. 111)
"As always, the truth of impermanence, or the inevitability of change, is inescapable. Even those mothers who seem to live with their soul mates concede there are phases when they 'can't get enough' of their partners followed by phases when they could 'take them or leave them.' All relationships go through seasons." (p. 124)
"I needed to acknowledge firstly that bad moods are a natural part of life and that he has a right to one occasionally just as I do, and secondly that his mood always passes and doesn't always need to be squashed on sight." (pp. 130-131)
Guide to the Boddhistva's Way of Life by Shantideva:
"If something can be remedied,
Why be unhappy about it?
An if there is no remedy for it,
There is still no point in being unhappy." (p. 134)
"To truly listen, to be fully present for another person, is a powerful expression of love. When someone listens to you - quietly, attentively and without judgement - you enjoy a great gift. You have an opportunity to explore your reality, discover ideas, broaden and expand. You can be creative. You find an opportunity to halve your burdens. What a gift the simple act of listening can be within a partnership. (p. 140)
"To be skilful listeners, capable of concentration and restraint, ensures we are so powerful resources not only to our partners but to our children too. Listening is a reliable path out of selfishness, self-absorption and self-centeredness - it makes your world a larger place." (p. 142)
"Any happiness we glean from the world outside us is only temporary. Deep and lasting happiness needs to come from within." (p. 146)
"The shallow consumer culture that we live in does its utmost to tell us that who we are, our self, and our worth, is what we look like. High school culture reinforces this for most of us and even now it's very rare to meet a woman who has learned to accept the way she looks, let alone the fact that she's ageing." (p. 157)
"To remind themselves of the certainty of death, some Buddhists make their first thought on waking: 'Wow! I made it through the night without dying.' Some recite a mantra: 'birth, ageing, pain and death.' Others meditate on the degeneration of their bodies or on death itself. They envision their bodies buried in the ground and picture the skin slowly rotting, the bones gradually disappearing. All these practices make it easier to remember our impermanence." (p. 161)
"To love people we need a loving mind more than we need people to act lovably. Our love for others won't depend on their personal characteristics, behavior or relationship with us but on our loving minds.
We can even love 'difficult' people, if for no other reason than for their role in our lives as spiritual teachers. For this we can be grateful. If our lives were full of likeable people, we'd be short of opportunities to grow wiser." (pp. 176-177)
"For many Buddhists, bowing is simply an expression of respect and gratitude. To bow is to honour a person's dignity, humanity and preciousness. It feels humbling, but in the most positive way, as we suspend any tendency to be judgemental and superior, and feelings of compassion arise not from pity but from heartfelt esteem for a precious living being. We can also see bowing as an expression of gratitude for all that this person, be they beloved or belligerent, teaches us. We bow in gratitude for their potential to make us wiser and for the opportunity they give us to practise love." (p. 180)
"In Buddhism our access to that which is divine is through the heart: Buddhism is about love." (p. 189)
"Learn to do good. Cease to do harm. Purify the mind." (p. 190)
"It takes strength to resist the messages our materialistic society bombards us with the people around us might not question such messages. Often enough we live with people who think they can find happiness from cars, money, property, beauty and youth, and it's easy to absorb such values ourselves. How refreshing it is to immerse ourselves in a culture where the values are deeper than this, values such as loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity." (p. 196)
I read this book slowly, trying to absorb the lessons and really take in the material just a little at a time. It's a very worthwhile read, and I really think it will help me to be more patient and calm with our girls.
Whether I pursue an enlightened path or merely try to learn some practical ways to embrace gratitude and kindness in my life, I think it's a good book for all mothers.
interesting quotes:
"Tossed around by the needs of others, mothers give and give, so we must find ways to replenish ourselves. The teachings of Buddha equip us with a multitude of resources for this job, providing us with insights on coping with disturbing emotions and thoughts, as well as on living with others more calmly and happily." (p. 3)
"Since there is no external savior, it is up to each of you to work out your own liberation." (p. 4)
"A life typically includes birth, ageing, pain and death. We can spend our lives distracting ourselves from these facts but they are inescapable." (p. 6)
"Mindfulness saves energy and time. With poor concentration, we need to repeat some of our actions because we didn't perform them mindfully the first time. An unclear mind may cause you to forget where you put things, why you came into a room, whether you locked the car, even your train of thought mid-conversation. Mindfulness counteracts absent-mindedness and cultivates mental sharpness." (p. 24)
"Refusing to rate what we perceive helps us to cultivate feelings of acceptance rather than judgment, as we stop demanding that life be other than it is." (p. 29)
"All phenomena are interdependent, with our every act conditioning the next one. Nothing arises by itself. In this verse, the Buddha shows the importance of thoughts in creating our karma:
The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops the habit;
And habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings." (p. 34)
"We torment ourselves with thoughts that whatever we are doing at the moment we should really be doing something else. When we do housework, for example, we feel that we should really be reading books with our children and vice versa." (p. 48)
"Each moment is brilliantly new. It will not last, for it is in the process of changing into something else - this makes it precious." (p. 54)
"Even still, our higher standard of living can't spare us from suffering and imperfection, regardless of what modern technology and advertisements promise. Modern women only experience new ways to suffer, as do modern men, for this is the nature of existence. What makes modern suffering especially painful is our belief that we needn't suffer, that we can't tolerate any discomfort and must stamp it out at any cost. We demand that life be other than it is, become attached to our vision of what should be, and feel intensely frustrated when our expectations are dashed." (p. 85)
Adrienne Howley: "The mind free of worry...knows that it is not what happens to us that is of prime importance but how we react to it." (p. 85)
"There is no immunisation against hurt. There is no protection against cruelty. For all the things I can do for her, saving my daughter from life's hard twists is not one of them. Tough lesson all the way round." (p. 91)
"No matter what we experience it will pass. Not only that, it will change form and vary in intensity." (p. 92)
"It's during the hard times that we have the best opportunities to learn about ourselves and develop self-awareness." (p. 96)
"Through Buddhism I've realised that many of the trouble spots I've experienced with friends over the years have been due to an insensitive clinging to my own views. In situations where restraint would have been the wisest option, I've felt compelled to express my opinion, often trampling over a friend's feelings. In defense of a cherished belief, I've failed to listen with openness to others or I've hastily expressed a view without regard to the complexities of the situation." (pp. 102-103)
"To live lovingly simplifies our lives by purifying our minds and removing much of the guilt, anger, and stress from our relationships. We experience mental stability as we spend less time thinking about ourselves. Our own problems begin to fade in significance and we discover mental clarity and improved concentration. We become less petty, judgemental and fault-finding as we grow more interested in the well-being of others." (p. 107)
"The Buddha claimed that real love has four qualities: loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These four divine dwelling places are interdependent and overlapping, acting like a system of checks and balances that help us question whether our love for others is genuine." (p. 108)
"Importantly, when we act with loving kindness, we don't expect anything in return and, again, being mothers has taught us the art of giving without expecting a reward. When we practice loving kindness, the way people react to us becomes irrelevant, for the joy of having a loving mind is the only reward we need." (p. 109)
Adam Lindsay Gordon:
"Life is mostly froth and bubble
Two things stand like stone
Kindness in another's trouble
Courage in your own." (p. 109)
"...compassion isn't about 'feeling sorry' for people, in the sense of a patronising form of pity, but rather a recognition that we're all in this together, we all seek happiness and freedom from suffering." (p. 111)
"As always, the truth of impermanence, or the inevitability of change, is inescapable. Even those mothers who seem to live with their soul mates concede there are phases when they 'can't get enough' of their partners followed by phases when they could 'take them or leave them.' All relationships go through seasons." (p. 124)
"I needed to acknowledge firstly that bad moods are a natural part of life and that he has a right to one occasionally just as I do, and secondly that his mood always passes and doesn't always need to be squashed on sight." (pp. 130-131)
Guide to the Boddhistva's Way of Life by Shantideva:
"If something can be remedied,
Why be unhappy about it?
An if there is no remedy for it,
There is still no point in being unhappy." (p. 134)
"To truly listen, to be fully present for another person, is a powerful expression of love. When someone listens to you - quietly, attentively and without judgement - you enjoy a great gift. You have an opportunity to explore your reality, discover ideas, broaden and expand. You can be creative. You find an opportunity to halve your burdens. What a gift the simple act of listening can be within a partnership. (p. 140)
"To be skilful listeners, capable of concentration and restraint, ensures we are so powerful resources not only to our partners but to our children too. Listening is a reliable path out of selfishness, self-absorption and self-centeredness - it makes your world a larger place." (p. 142)
"Any happiness we glean from the world outside us is only temporary. Deep and lasting happiness needs to come from within." (p. 146)
"The shallow consumer culture that we live in does its utmost to tell us that who we are, our self, and our worth, is what we look like. High school culture reinforces this for most of us and even now it's very rare to meet a woman who has learned to accept the way she looks, let alone the fact that she's ageing." (p. 157)
"To remind themselves of the certainty of death, some Buddhists make their first thought on waking: 'Wow! I made it through the night without dying.' Some recite a mantra: 'birth, ageing, pain and death.' Others meditate on the degeneration of their bodies or on death itself. They envision their bodies buried in the ground and picture the skin slowly rotting, the bones gradually disappearing. All these practices make it easier to remember our impermanence." (p. 161)
"To love people we need a loving mind more than we need people to act lovably. Our love for others won't depend on their personal characteristics, behavior or relationship with us but on our loving minds.
We can even love 'difficult' people, if for no other reason than for their role in our lives as spiritual teachers. For this we can be grateful. If our lives were full of likeable people, we'd be short of opportunities to grow wiser." (pp. 176-177)
"For many Buddhists, bowing is simply an expression of respect and gratitude. To bow is to honour a person's dignity, humanity and preciousness. It feels humbling, but in the most positive way, as we suspend any tendency to be judgemental and superior, and feelings of compassion arise not from pity but from heartfelt esteem for a precious living being. We can also see bowing as an expression of gratitude for all that this person, be they beloved or belligerent, teaches us. We bow in gratitude for their potential to make us wiser and for the opportunity they give us to practise love." (p. 180)
"In Buddhism our access to that which is divine is through the heart: Buddhism is about love." (p. 189)
"Learn to do good. Cease to do harm. Purify the mind." (p. 190)
"It takes strength to resist the messages our materialistic society bombards us with the people around us might not question such messages. Often enough we live with people who think they can find happiness from cars, money, property, beauty and youth, and it's easy to absorb such values ourselves. How refreshing it is to immerse ourselves in a culture where the values are deeper than this, values such as loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity." (p. 196)
June 6, 2011
This is the first book I finished reading after my precious Ella was born. It has touched me deeply in many ways and spoken the words I had struggled to find by myself about the torrent of new and unfamiliar feelings after becoming a mother.
The author bases her chapters roughly on the Noble Eight-fold Path of Buddhism. She talks about how practices such as mindfulness, meditation, compassion and remembering the ever-changing nature of the world can help mothers achieve a calm and loving mindset every day as they take care of their children and their families. The strongest points of the book are living with mindfulness and compassion, and implementing these practices in everyday life such as relationships with friends, family and children.
I am not officially a Buddhist, but it seems that I've been evolving a mindset over the past years that has gotten closer and closer to the Buddhist teachings without me even realizing it. Reading this book made this clear to me. Nevertheless I don't think it matters much whether you are interested in Buddhism, it isn't difficult to overlook the Buddhist aspects of the book. The message of loving-kindness, compassion, mindfulness and acceptance should appeal to anyone.
The author bases her chapters roughly on the Noble Eight-fold Path of Buddhism. She talks about how practices such as mindfulness, meditation, compassion and remembering the ever-changing nature of the world can help mothers achieve a calm and loving mindset every day as they take care of their children and their families. The strongest points of the book are living with mindfulness and compassion, and implementing these practices in everyday life such as relationships with friends, family and children.
I am not officially a Buddhist, but it seems that I've been evolving a mindset over the past years that has gotten closer and closer to the Buddhist teachings without me even realizing it. Reading this book made this clear to me. Nevertheless I don't think it matters much whether you are interested in Buddhism, it isn't difficult to overlook the Buddhist aspects of the book. The message of loving-kindness, compassion, mindfulness and acceptance should appeal to anyone.
September 30, 2021
I've always resented comments of this ilk, directed at harried moms of young children:
Don't blink! Doesn't time fly? How do they grow so fast, why can't they stay little?! You'll miss this.
On my daughter's first birthday, I felt like the party was for US, not her alone. She had survived, and I had hung on for the ride. Life was brand new for both of us. I had completely lost any idea of being in control, beginning with labor & delivery, during which both of our lives had hung briefly in the balance. I was an insignificant drop in the ocean. This was the way, being part of something much bigger than my own brittle ego. I was totally isolated and humbled in a new way, and yet chained to the present in a conscious way that made me feel timeless.
Time did NOT fly. My first year as a mom was the longest, most detailed year of my life. I EARNED that year. I don't regret it, I relished it. But I will not miss a thing. I didn't miss it. I lived through each and every second.
So when the author of this book said that children are powerful spiritual teachers, I underlined it and wrote an exclamation point in the margin.
Buddhism teaches us to accept and embrace some of the spiritual principles that come in like a wrecking ball when one becomes a parent. There is so much overlap between being an enlightenment-seeking Buddhist and being an effective parent. Equanimity and loving-kindness are pillars of both motherhood and enlightenment that come to mind. Reading this book was like confirmation of all the hard lessons I'd learned since becoming a parent, with an invitation to go deeper with it in order to leave this life better than I found it.
What's more, the tenets of Buddhism that are presented in this book are fully compatible with other faiths, at least in my opinion. The Christian Bible instructs us to die to ourselves with a bit of a stick (everlasting suffering, separation from God) and the Buddha encourages us to do the same with a bit of a carrot (the end of suffering -- enlightenment). Parenthood, meanwhile, forces the issue with a hearty helping of both suffering and ecstasy... you can go through it the easy way (LET GO) or the hard way (which feels like a rat race on a good day).
This is a powerful and approachable book. I'm not sure it's for every mom... shedding your ego isn't really something many western humans are truly OK with. Like, if you have and are dedicated to an Instagram account, this book might not be for you.
Don't blink! Doesn't time fly? How do they grow so fast, why can't they stay little?! You'll miss this.
On my daughter's first birthday, I felt like the party was for US, not her alone. She had survived, and I had hung on for the ride. Life was brand new for both of us. I had completely lost any idea of being in control, beginning with labor & delivery, during which both of our lives had hung briefly in the balance. I was an insignificant drop in the ocean. This was the way, being part of something much bigger than my own brittle ego. I was totally isolated and humbled in a new way, and yet chained to the present in a conscious way that made me feel timeless.
Time did NOT fly. My first year as a mom was the longest, most detailed year of my life. I EARNED that year. I don't regret it, I relished it. But I will not miss a thing. I didn't miss it. I lived through each and every second.
So when the author of this book said that children are powerful spiritual teachers, I underlined it and wrote an exclamation point in the margin.
Buddhism teaches us to accept and embrace some of the spiritual principles that come in like a wrecking ball when one becomes a parent. There is so much overlap between being an enlightenment-seeking Buddhist and being an effective parent. Equanimity and loving-kindness are pillars of both motherhood and enlightenment that come to mind. Reading this book was like confirmation of all the hard lessons I'd learned since becoming a parent, with an invitation to go deeper with it in order to leave this life better than I found it.
What's more, the tenets of Buddhism that are presented in this book are fully compatible with other faiths, at least in my opinion. The Christian Bible instructs us to die to ourselves with a bit of a stick (everlasting suffering, separation from God) and the Buddha encourages us to do the same with a bit of a carrot (the end of suffering -- enlightenment). Parenthood, meanwhile, forces the issue with a hearty helping of both suffering and ecstasy... you can go through it the easy way (LET GO) or the hard way (which feels like a rat race on a good day).
This is a powerful and approachable book. I'm not sure it's for every mom... shedding your ego isn't really something many western humans are truly OK with. Like, if you have and are dedicated to an Instagram account, this book might not be for you.
May 17, 2017
I'm listening to this audio version for what must be the 4th time in a few years. I'm still scribbling down notes. Points to remember. I think I should invest in the hard copy and go to town with a highlighter and sticky notes for quick reference. I have found great benefit from it in the past and feeling quite silly I forgot about this book and the value of living in the moment etc etc. Really precious parenting advice.
I have no intention to be enlightened (nor call myself a Buddhist). For me I am completely content with just trying my best where I can as its much better than when I'm not. However I will admit I find Buddhism very inspiring and meditations magic (when I do them).
I've read just a couple of negative comments about this book. Things I haven't noticed myself as the audio version is so beautifully read! So if you are unsure if you'll get into it I highly recommend the audio version (borrow from your library for free). I listen while I fold the washing / mop the floors etc, it's an added bonus that I get mental clarity and an orderly home in the one package.
It is not a parenting manual. But an introduction to Buddhism and how Buddhist practices can enrich our experience as mothers and help us to engage with our children better, stay calm, find the answers to a problem when there is no obvious answer, find energy, patience, resilience, let go of anxiety and expectations. The list goes on. It is not a new idea. It is Buddhism. But presented by a mum for mums.
I have no intention to be enlightened (nor call myself a Buddhist). For me I am completely content with just trying my best where I can as its much better than when I'm not. However I will admit I find Buddhism very inspiring and meditations magic (when I do them).
I've read just a couple of negative comments about this book. Things I haven't noticed myself as the audio version is so beautifully read! So if you are unsure if you'll get into it I highly recommend the audio version (borrow from your library for free). I listen while I fold the washing / mop the floors etc, it's an added bonus that I get mental clarity and an orderly home in the one package.
It is not a parenting manual. But an introduction to Buddhism and how Buddhist practices can enrich our experience as mothers and help us to engage with our children better, stay calm, find the answers to a problem when there is no obvious answer, find energy, patience, resilience, let go of anxiety and expectations. The list goes on. It is not a new idea. It is Buddhism. But presented by a mum for mums.
April 4, 2014
What I loved about this book was it was really centered on the mother. I like the approaches and I love the candidness of it. It gave examples of human mother moments and did not pass judgement there was useful suggestions and processes for getting past them. You may not be able to exactly relate to all of them but I think you just have to find relation in some of them. A lot of marriages struggle to keep the fire through the 0-5 years of the kids. Many moms have thoughts that are not sensible or rational. There is something for everyone in here that they could take from it. I have been on a spiritual and calming journey for awhile now so this book didn't change my life because a lot of it was stuff I have already been using and working on but I definitely got something from it and I could see this book being a pot of gold for mothers not already on that path regardless of what religion you are.
April 18, 2015
An absolute must-read for all mothers. Small children can make you feel like you've completely lost it and this is a book FOR mothers (parents, actually) about what WE feel and how we can better manage our stress. So many parenting books are about the kid. This is a refreshing and honest look into what the parents need. This may have saved my sanity. Next up is Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming a Mindful Parent.
August 4, 2021
Ši knyga atsidūrė mano rankose, kai maniau, kad išprotėsiu nuo mamystės: nenuilstantis vijurkas todleris siaučia taip, kad kilnojas stogas, o ir kaltė kad noriu iš gyvenimo daugiau nei tik būti mama niekur nesitraukia. Norėjau ne išlaukti, o kažkaip pamilti kasdienybę. Ši knyga buvo raktas.
Toks jausmas, kad joje aprašyta kiekviena mano mintis ir jausmas patirtas per pastaruosius 1,5 metų būnant mama. Bet viskas švelniai, priimant, guodžiant ir palaikant įdėta į tokį kontekstą, kad įgauna visai kitą foną - viskas normalu ir tu ne viena :) Niekas nepagražinama, bet mokoma priimti tą “kančią” ir jau matau, kad nesugebu perteikti visko tiksliai, bet tikrai labai man artimas tas budistiškas požiūris.
Na tiesiog nuostabi knyga. Ir dar supratau, kad mano pacios mama budistė :) nežinau kodėl ieškojau kažko knygoje, kai ir taip turėjau ją ir tą jos “viskas bus gerai” ir besąlygišką priėmimą. Gal tai visada buvo per daug savaime suprantama, kad įvertinti. Dabar noriu būti tokia kaip ji :)
P.S. Knyga neblogai išmoko budizmo pagrindus ;) rekomenduoju visoms mamoms.
Toks jausmas, kad joje aprašyta kiekviena mano mintis ir jausmas patirtas per pastaruosius 1,5 metų būnant mama. Bet viskas švelniai, priimant, guodžiant ir palaikant įdėta į tokį kontekstą, kad įgauna visai kitą foną - viskas normalu ir tu ne viena :) Niekas nepagražinama, bet mokoma priimti tą “kančią” ir jau matau, kad nesugebu perteikti visko tiksliai, bet tikrai labai man artimas tas budistiškas požiūris.
Na tiesiog nuostabi knyga. Ir dar supratau, kad mano pacios mama budistė :) nežinau kodėl ieškojau kažko knygoje, kai ir taip turėjau ją ir tą jos “viskas bus gerai” ir besąlygišką priėmimą. Gal tai visada buvo per daug savaime suprantama, kad įvertinti. Dabar noriu būti tokia kaip ji :)
P.S. Knyga neblogai išmoko budizmo pagrindus ;) rekomenduoju visoms mamoms.
September 13, 2024
I am marking this "read" for Goodreads purposes but the truth is, I hope to never be finished' reading this book. It has been part of my daily routine for months now. Each morning I open it to a random page and read while drinking my coffee. When I am stressed beyond belief by my family I open it to a random page and read a paragraph. I have NEVER seen or heard the feelings that come with being a mother talked about so openly and honestly.
I joke that Buddha didn't have to deal with raising small children. This book brings the 4 Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path into the everyday and applies them in ways that just make sense to the stage of life I am sometimes struggling to fit into.
I joke that Buddha didn't have to deal with raising small children. This book brings the 4 Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path into the everyday and applies them in ways that just make sense to the stage of life I am sometimes struggling to fit into.
November 3, 2024
5 stars because I want to own it and reread it. Buddhism speaks to the way I see the world. "There is no God-figure in Buddhism, responsibility for managing our minds and reshaping our worlds lies completely in our own hands."
We are all connected. Every living thing deserves our kindness. Mindfulness brings us to the present. Helps us see, hear, feel what is actually happening around us.
Banishing anger and giving forgiveness helps yourself much more than they help those around you.
Happiness comes from within.
We are all connected. Every living thing deserves our kindness. Mindfulness brings us to the present. Helps us see, hear, feel what is actually happening around us.
Banishing anger and giving forgiveness helps yourself much more than they help those around you.
Happiness comes from within.
August 15, 2018
Great practical tips about mindful parenting. A must -read for all mums. If you're hesitating because you're not into Buddhism or religion for that matter, don't. It's more spiritual.
My only regret is that I heard it as an audiobook. Would like to read it on paper/book to really retain more of what I read/heard, and maybe jot down snippets that really resonate with me.
My only regret is that I heard it as an audiobook. Would like to read it on paper/book to really retain more of what I read/heard, and maybe jot down snippets that really resonate with me.
May 3, 2020
Loti nomierinoša grāmata, kuru caurvij ideja par budismu, meditācijām un mīlestību caur ciešanām.
Noteikti iesaku tām mammām, kuras jau ir “tikušās” ar jogu vai meditēšanu un meklē veidus kā stiprināt savu garīgo veselību audzinot bērnus.
Noteikti iesaku tām mammām, kuras jau ir “tikušās” ar jogu vai meditēšanu un meklē veidus kā stiprināt savu garīgo veselību audzinot bērnus.
June 6, 2024
So grateful I found this book. The writer is so honest about her motherhood challenges, which I found deeply validating. And her approach is well-informed, wise, and compassionate. I will definitely listen to it again.
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December 14, 2024This is the second book I’ve read that was intended for a specific audience (mothers), but was just as appropriate for those not within that audience. It’s a great beginner introduction to Buddhist teachings (namely, the Noble Eightfold Path) with examples of how you can apply them to your life.
December 15, 2017
Very insightful and great examples of sinful living
August 6, 2021
Love this, one of my favourite parent books. Read many times
March 16, 2024
“My religion is kindness.”
December 13, 2022
Invaluable learning about Buddhism from someone who knows I don't have time for a three-month retreat or a meditation club, and understands the cocktail of being mindful for your kids and for yourself. It was also just a great introduction to the principles that was easy to understand.
November 28, 2019
This is a great book for young mothers and mothers-to-be. It reminds us about the importance of not losing yourself in the parenthood and to remain calm & caring for ourselves and our children. The book provides useful practices and meditation techniques along with hands-on guidance into mindful parenting
September 27, 2019
“En vaak genoeg houden kinderen ons een spiegel voor waarin we zien hoe het in werkelijkheid met ons innerlijk gesteld is. Soms is het geen prettig gezicht en realiseren we ons waar we aan moeten werken. Inderdaad, kinderen zijn de meest veeleisende en genadeloze spirituele leraren die je je maar kunt voorstellen.”
Heel aangenaam, realistisch en praktisch haalbaar boek.
Heel aangenaam, realistisch en praktisch haalbaar boek.
May 28, 2011
OK, this is pretty unusual for me, to give a book one-star. But, this one was just not my cup of tea at all. It was recommended to me by a mother that I respect a great deal, and some reviews seemed to indicate that you would not need to be an active Buddhist to get some great value from this book. So, I gave it a try with an open mind and a willingness to learn. What I quickly saw was that much of the book is just quotes from other people with which I have nothing in common. One mother said that they wanted to smother their children, and that is not something I have ever even considered. Another mother said that they often thought that their marriage would not survive whatever trial they were going through, and that again is something that has never entered my mind. What did it for me was the mother that thought that she was ugly and that her daughter looked like her and was destined to lead a life of ridicule and embarrassment. Um. What kind of mother thinks this? The "teaching" part just felt like someone who had gone to the library and wrote up a college research paper on the topic of Buddhism. I got about halfway through the book before I decided I was not going to waste my time any more. I was not learning anything I did not already know when it came to being calm, so maybe that's why this book spoke so little to me. Perhaps this would be great for a mother who is studying Buddhism, or for those mothers who need to find a moment of calm, or even those that think horrible thoughts about stuff. Not for me, though.
March 1, 2009
I loved this book so much that I kind of stalled...towards the end. Loved the format and the theme. Each chapter had a summary at the end, but I hated (so not a "buddhist" emotion...)the start of each chapter. She would start each new chapter on the left side and at the very top of the page. I guess I am just peeky...I would always turn the page to make sure, that THAT was the start( I am a slow learner).
It is sort of a good-feeling type of book. The buddha's teachings are so universally friendly, and practical for everydays life! Sarah Napthali also includes a list of favorite books, and buddhist websites on her appendixes. She is writings mostly about buddhism for mothers in particular, but you don't need to by a mom to like the book. To finish, I will just leave you with some verses from the scriptures: 'Do not deceive, do not despise
Each other anywhere.
Do not be angry, nor should you
Secret resentment bear;
For as a mother risks her life
And watches o'er child,
So boundless be your love to all,
So tender, kind and mild.(...)'
from the Sermon at Rajagaha
It is sort of a good-feeling type of book. The buddha's teachings are so universally friendly, and practical for everydays life! Sarah Napthali also includes a list of favorite books, and buddhist websites on her appendixes. She is writings mostly about buddhism for mothers in particular, but you don't need to by a mom to like the book. To finish, I will just leave you with some verses from the scriptures: 'Do not deceive, do not despise
Each other anywhere.
Do not be angry, nor should you
Secret resentment bear;
For as a mother risks her life
And watches o'er child,
So boundless be your love to all,
So tender, kind and mild.(...)'
from the Sermon at Rajagaha
October 23, 2012
This was exactly the book I was looking for and listening to it on audiobook was a delight. Sarah Napthali uses personal examples and insight to relay how the concepts of Buddhist practice can make even the most weary mom a calm, more able parent. One doesn't need to be a Buddhist to use the tools Sarah has provided.
As I listened to Sarah talk about her own struggles as a mother of small children, I was instantly able to relate. Her frank approach to discussing the feelings of being overwhelmed, under-appreciated, exhausted, frazzled, and filled with joy all at the same time will have any mother nodding her head in agreement. It was refreshing to hear that there are other mothers who often feel conflicted, guilty, and overwhelmed in addition to feeling the love only a mother can feel for her child. To listen to her strategies on coping with the things we mothers deal with on a daily basis was extremely helpful. I also appreciated that this book was not meant to convert mothers to Buddhist practices, but rather to use her experiences as a practicing Buddhist to offer some solutions to other mothers.
I highly recommend this book to every mother. As I said, one does not have to be Buddhist or convert to Buddhism to gain insight and strategies from this book.
As I listened to Sarah talk about her own struggles as a mother of small children, I was instantly able to relate. Her frank approach to discussing the feelings of being overwhelmed, under-appreciated, exhausted, frazzled, and filled with joy all at the same time will have any mother nodding her head in agreement. It was refreshing to hear that there are other mothers who often feel conflicted, guilty, and overwhelmed in addition to feeling the love only a mother can feel for her child. To listen to her strategies on coping with the things we mothers deal with on a daily basis was extremely helpful. I also appreciated that this book was not meant to convert mothers to Buddhist practices, but rather to use her experiences as a practicing Buddhist to offer some solutions to other mothers.
I highly recommend this book to every mother. As I said, one does not have to be Buddhist or convert to Buddhism to gain insight and strategies from this book.
October 14, 2013
I am loving this book so much, it has so much to teach me, I am only about half-way through and I can't wait to start reading it over again! I know my children will greatly benefit having a calmer mama...just lil' gems of knowledge I've learned already amaze me, "my thoughts are just my thoughts, they are not reality" and that by suffering, we learn, and as a mama, I don't want my children to suffer, but sometimes, trying to make them avoid suffering will cause them, and me, more pain than just letting them learn through their experiences.....I am borrowing this from the library, but I'm definitely going to purchase it so I can mark it up!!
April 1, 2012
I think I've read this book twice, and I could easily read it again. It's simply awesome! For one, it's the first parenting book that I've read that really focuses on the needs of the parent (all of us moms) and gives reassurance for all those thoughts, worries, and feelings that pop up without invitation. Honestly, I think reading this has made me a much better mother, more calm and more realistic in my expectations of my children, husband, and life.
April 8, 2019
Šaubos, šaubos, šaubos. Aizmirstu, aizmirstu, aizmirstu. Tā man klājas ar budisma praktizēšanu. Nu, kad es vienreiz darīšu to, pēc kā ilgojos? Dusmojos, dusmojos, dusmojos.
Vērtīgākā atziņa no grāmatas ir - nosauc vārdā (labeling) un apstājies un aptver (stop and realize).
Nu, jā - un tās dusmas, kurām nebūtu vieta manā dzīvē.
Šaubos, šaubos, šaubos.
Vērtīgākā atziņa no grāmatas ir - nosauc vārdā (labeling) un apstājies un aptver (stop and realize).
Nu, jā - un tās dusmas, kurām nebūtu vieta manā dzīvē.
Šaubos, šaubos, šaubos.
April 30, 2009
This is it. The book that will change my life. I've never been inspired by a book as much as this one. I highly recommend it to not only mothers, but anyone who is looking for a calmer, more peaceful life.
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