Grieving the Death of a Mother

by Harold Ivan Smith

Written by a grief counselor and educator, this book is for those who have loved and lost their mother. Losing a mother is a difficult transition in life. No matter the status of the relationship, grieving the loss is a process -- one that sometimes begins before the physical loss has occurred. Drawing on his own experience of loss, as well as those of others, Harold Ivan Smith guides readers through their grief, from the process of dying through the acts of remembering and honoring a mother after her death. This book provides a way forward. By shifting the grief process from something to rush through, Smith encourages readers to embrace their grief as a natural response to loss and to give themselves time to work through the sadness, pain, memories and reality of living without Mom. All of us will experience the loss of our mother's at some point. A mother's last breath inevitably changes us. Through wise counsel, Smith speaks gently to those who have gone through this loss and helps those who are yet to face it.

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Harold Ivan Smith, 1947-

Harold Ivan Smith, MA, ED.S., FT, DMin, is a national speaker, noted author, experienced counselor and grief educator. He has presented bereavement workshops across the country, training more than 20,000 professionals and lay caregivers during a thirty-year career. Seminar and conference attendees rave about interactions with Harold Ivan, and his insightful gifts of helping, healing, and facilitating grief.

A prolific writer, he has authored dozens of books and resources, included best seller, A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss When Others are Celebrating. Also among his titles are Griefkeeping: Learning How Long Grief Lasts; ABCs of Healthy Bereavement; Grievers Ask, When You Don’t Know What to Say; When Your Friend Dies; Finding Your Way to Say Goodbye: Comfort for the Dying and Those Who Care for Them; and Grieving the Death of a Father. His newest book, Using Biographical and Historical Grief Narratives With The Bereaving (Routledge).

He is also an authority of the griefs of American Presidents and First Ladies. He facilitates Grief Gatherings, an innovative storytelling program at Saint Luke’s Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, where he is a member of the teaching faculty. Harold Ivan is active in the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) and is designated a Fellow in Thanatology (FT).

Reviews

[Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author could not have possibly written a more loving and helpful book. His Mom reminds me of my own in ways- her "Mom-isms," her kindness, faith, and selfless love. I am honored to have "met" the authors Mom and the other wonderful Moms spoken of in this book. God bless us all as we navigate our grief.

[Stephanie Sparks Tumbleson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Authentic for a variety of people grieving in different ways with different motherly relationships. Healing

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful Read..

I would have to admit i found more “help” in the last half of the book. I found comfort in the author’s account and true love of his Mom.
My Mom was my Person...being without her has been a daily emotional and physical struggle.

[Johanna Chappell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick helpful read. Losing a mother is devastating. The last year in half has been difficult because I felt like I "should" be handling it better by now, but this book was helpful. It made me realize there is no time line everyone is different and that's okay.

[Gina Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me. I appreciate the author for this.

[barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Took me 14 years after my mom died to read this. Don't wait. Excellent book

[Natalie Curtiss · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the author obviously had good intentions and some interesting reflections in this book, I found the format confusing and difficult to read, and the portrayal of mother loss shallow and flat. I would have loved to see some anecdotes that reflect the complexity of mother-child relationships, rather than page after page of mothers who greet their adult sons with a plate of cookies every time they come home to visit.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A mother's death can make a shambles of schedules, priorities, agendas, commitments, and, sometimes, even our most important relationships. A mother's last breath inevitably changes us.”
With these words, Harold Ivan Smith assures readers that whatever we may feel and experience following the death of our mother, is normal. In the introduction, Smith states that “as a grief educator, I thought I was prepared for my mother’s death.” I was hooked from this one line. I am also a healthcare provider with a subspecialty in end-of-life issues and bereavement. Although I expected my mother’s death to rock my world, I was stunned by my experience. I thought I would cope more effectively than I have.

Smith talks about a terminal diagnosis or illness where death is anticipated, the actual death, and the grief process following a mother’s death. The book is well-organized, with many quotes included.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a very helpful book. Other books on grief I've read really don't cover motherloss, especially by adult children. His book was focused on adult children who lost their mothers but also mentioned stories like Eleanor Roosevelt's and how it affected the kid to be told not to grieve....

Among the quotations I wrote down there are 4 I haven't written down but thought important.
*"Become a companion to someone who is newly experiencing motherloss. A cup of coffee, a movie ticket, or even a phone call could be an invitation to help them sort through their feelings."
*"Give yourself time to grieve. Ignore pressures to 'get over it' or 'move on' with your life."
*"Remember the anniversary of another motherloss griever."
*"Be open to the moments when another's motherloss intersects with yours. Share what you are learning from your motherloss."

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book you never hope to read, it validates everything you are feeling and helps you to think things through and just simply relate.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very sweet book.

[Roxana V]

Helpful.

[June · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you are a Christian maybe you will like this. If not, you may find it as off-putting as I did. It should be labeled Grief/ Spirituality.

[Ramona Honan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book.

[gilleoin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book for those experiencing the loss of their mother. A lot of quotes that fit the feelings you may not be able to express yet. The book delves into all kinds of situations ( sudden death, drawn out death, memories, grief, dealing with all kinds of conflicting emotions, etc). I would recommend gifting or recommending this book to a newly orphaned adult.